docnerd's home for unrepentant sociopaths, part 4

DrSupremeNerd's Home for Unrepentant Sociopaths: An Asylum Challenge

Part 4: Gone with the Stink

Asylum Challenge designed by SimScout: one playable Sim in a house with 7 uncontrollable Sims, $100 in the bank to start, furnishings limited in quantity and quality. The challenge ends when the playable's LTW is met or everyone dies.

The Playable:SimNerd, my SimSelf, a Knowledge Sim with the oh-so-simple LTW to Max 7 Skills

The Inmates, who retain their original personalities and Aspirations:Cypress Vetinari (DrSupremeNerd's Vetinari Dualegacy), Vee Semper (GintasticNecat's Science of a Legacy), Kirstial Legacina (Orikes [boolprop.com]/orikes360's [Exchange] Pseudo Legacy), Cecil Goodytwoshoes (professorbutters/Loolooloo16play's Squeaky Clean Legacy), Salahuddin Chamcha (katrih83's Bookacy), Gaius Caesar (Blite27/Netsfn1427's Ten Caesars), Uranium Apocalypso (EphemeralToast/ephemeraltoast's Apocalypso-A-Go-Go)

When last we left our defenseless SimSelf and seven crazy, evil Legacy villains, Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel up there had maxed Logic, becoming the first Sim of the Asylum to max a skill--including SimNerd, whose LTW it is to Max 7 Skills.

The humiliation is painful, believe me. But Cap'n Duh isn't the only one with a maxed skill, oh no.

Vee's maxed Creativity (and may have done it before Gaius maxed Logic; I don't remember when I noticed that she didn't have a skill meter)...

...Uranium maxes Logic...

...and Kirstial maxes Creativity as well.

And where is SimNerd while all of this skill-maxing is going on?

I made the tragic, horrible mistake of setting SimNerd's gender preference in an effort to make a friend for a promotion. I have come to regret my temporary lack of judgment.

I wish I could say that this is a rare occurrence, but anyone who's put SimNerd into their game and set her gender preference would immediately call me out on that BIG FAT LIE.

And honestly, I have seen her heart-fart without a gender preference, so really, all it does is give the heart-farting some focus.

Cypress: "I am ensuring my continued victory over Vee and getting myself Aspiration points at the same time!"

Smug little bastard.

Uranium's still trying to find the way into Cypress's charred, blackened, Eeevil heart.

She talks about kissing...

...kicking ass...

...and world domination.

However, he seems to still be squicked out by the whole, "she's his oldest son's half-sister" thing. Not entirely unreasonable.

Uranium: "Congratulations on beating the crap out of Vee!"

Cypress: "I hate her with the white-hot fire of a thousand suns."

Uranium: "I NEED WOOHOO!"

FINALLY she's starting to crack! I expected to see her break down long before this! I think we're about two weeks in here.

Uranium: "WooHoo? I'd even settle for some Make Out. A date? A flirt? THROW ME A FRAMMING BONE HERE."Cypress: "I'm so not going to help you with any of that."

She looks almost innocent here. But we know better. Oh yes.

Uranium maybe should have stayed outside. As soon as she went back in, Kirstial went after her.

And Kirstial wins again! Perhaps there's an Aspiration component to the Fight Club hack; Kirstial and Cypress are better off than Vee and Uranium, and they've both won their last few fights.

Cecil: "I need something expensive!"

Cecil was temporarily able to save himself from the whining and crying by rolling food-related Wants, but he's stopped doing that, and his Aspiration's on its way back down.

Cypress and Vee get into another fight. Salahuddin's annoyed because he can't leave the toilet stall until they stop.

Cypress wins again!

I really don't know who to root for. On one hand, Cypress is my character--my villain--so I sort of want to see him come out on top, but on the other hand, he IS my villain and I like to see him get his butt kicked on occasion.

Uranium: "I NEED WOOHOO!"

Gaius: "Waaah! I need a grilled cheese sandwich!"Kirstial: "You JUST ATE a grilled cheese sandwich!"Gaius: "But I didn't get any Aspiration points for it!"Kirstial: "...You know what, I'm just gonna go over there in case the crazy is catching."Gaius: "EMPEROR NEEDS CHEESE."

Kirstial: "Whee! Fun!"Salahuddin: "You playful types really, really don't want me to drink coffee, do you?"Kirstial: "Let me think--me having fun or you drinking an espresso... No contest, loser!"

Looks like somebody was rolling See Wolf.

...Nice how they can See Wolf through several sets of walls, doors, and their own eyelids, isn't it?

Somehow I don't think this is going to endear Uranium to Cecil. He's a FORTUNE Sim; red-x'ing the big bag of money is kind of a bad thing, considering the state of his Aspiration.

And she's barking up the wrong tree here, too, no?

Kirstial: "Cypress! Your 'Kissed the Mystery Sim' memory stopped being impressive, like, a week ago!"Cypress: "But the only other things I have to talk about are that time I burned my pancakes, making enemies with Vee, and my Aspiration Failure, which, to be frank, I'd rather forget about."

Kirstial: "Oh, I'm totally down with some talk about enemies. I like to electrocute mine with magic."Cypress: "Sweet! I'm not really magic, though, but I have a pretty mean joy-buzzer."

All that talk of Eeevil got him riled up, so he hunted Vee down.

And he won again.

Things seem to be ramping up for Cypress and Vee and winding down a little between Uranium and Kirstial.

SimNerd: "Look, I'm SO not happy about this, but I my Comfort Motive is low and Salahuddin's napping on the sofa, so I'm gonna build Logic for a while."Gaius: "Oh, I can teach you LOTS about Logic! My Memory Panel says I know all there is to know about this subject!"

SimNerd: "Batbox. Please just give me a Batbox."No. Nothing from Buy or Build Mode unless it's repo'd, stolen, or incinerated.SimNerd: "You know you want to give me a Batbox."I'm trying to play by the rules here! Stop being a bad influence.SimNerd: "Please? Just one Smite and then I promise I'll be good."No! ...Maybe as a reward for reaching your LTW.SimNerd: "But I wanna use it nooooowwww!"

For some reason, Vee goes after Cecil.

I don't know why, although he's shy, so I'm guessing whatever happened, she was responsible. And then she started poking.

Cecil: "I find physical violence to be in very poor taste, but I fear that my surroundings have had a negative influence on my state of mind, and must in fact reciprocate your act with a poke of my own."

Hey, Cecil's got a pretty good crankyface, doesn't he? Not exactly the Squeaky Cleanest of facial expressions.

Vee: "Yeah, enemies are pretty great, huh? I've already got one, but I'm working on that snooty Cecil and that Larch jerk from next door."Uranium: "I enjoy enemies. Almost as much as I enjoy WooHoo. Sometimes I have made enemies BECAUSE of WooHoo, but that's probably mostly due to the insane drama professor coding."Vee: "So what happened?"Uranium: "He's a zombie living in my son's basement torture chamber."Vee: "That just might be the best thing I ever heard."

Vee hunts Cecil down again. There was some slapping involved.

Cecil: "Really, Ms. Semper, to be forced to resort to something so crude as a palm to the face--I am a Goodytwoshoes, not a stevedore! Such uncouth actions should be beneath me!"

It doesn't end there...

I dunno, maybe she's trying to mug him because she thinks he has money.

He doesn't.

Doesn't change the fact that Cecil has maxed fitness and Vee doesn't. Cecil wins the dust-up pretty handily.

And they make enemies.

This makes two for Vee, plus the hate-on she's got for Larch.

Cecil: "I will thank you to cease your hostility towards me, Ms. Semper, now that my clear superiority has been proven."Vee: "I think the last time I did anything that made any sort of sense was about a week ago."Cypress: "I'm starving!"Gaius: "I need cheese!"

Vee: "Waaah! I'm sad because Cecil slapped me after I poked him for no reason and then slapped him and then picked a fight with him!"Cypress: "I'M STARVING! FEED ME!"

Cypress: "Starving."Gaius: "Perhaps a hug will cure that rumbling in your gut."Cypress: "You're trying to kill me, aren't you?"Gaius: "Maybe."Cypress: "Frammit, you're only supposed to kill who I tell you to kill!"Gaius: "Hey, murderous sociopath over here."Cypress: "Pffft, join the club."

Cypress: "STARVING."Cecil: "Mr. Vetinari, you are, in fact, standing in front of the refrigerator."Cypress: "Oh yeah." *Stuff Face*

Cypress: "Hey, this tastes sort of funny... Frammit, who put the expired milk back in the fridge?"

Vee: "Why does this always happen to me?"

Oh, I dunno, because you skill until you're in multiple Motive Failure and take care of them in a way that makes no sense?

Vee: "Hey! I just peed myself and took a two-minute nap, and now I'm smelly, and Cypress is in the tub!"Cypress: "Funny how that works, isn't it?"Vee: "I thought you just Primped constantly!"Cypress: "Eeevil."

Sorry--he just looks soooo innocent here. Like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

Do not be fooled.

You know, if he'd just LIVE THE DREAM, he'd be so much happier.

But I have learned not to expect too much from the Doofinator.

SimNerd: "Cypress--you can't wait two minutes until I finish lunch?"Cypress: "mnghsnarfNOsnarglechomp"SimNerd: "Hang Out with Cecil less, eat more."Cypress: "Whatever."

SimNerd: "Sleep?"Coffee!SimNerd: "Sleeeeeeep."Coffffffffeeeeeeee.

Kirstial and Uranium may not be as active as they used to be, but they still like to mix it up every once in a while.

Cypress: "Woooo! Underwear chick fight!"Gaius: "Yeah, so I married into the Squeaky Clean Legacy. It was a lot of pink."Vee: "Has anyone ever told you you're an idiot?"Gaius: "Yes--and then I had them killed."

Uranium's back on top!

...Maybe it IS only when she has to pee that she loses.

They may hate each other, but they've both got ten Outgoing, so that makes for moments like this one.

Cypress: "Sho ska! Drop dead!"Vee: "Bloo bagoo! Rot in hell!"

Gaius: "THE EMPEROR HAS TO POTTY!"Vee: "DUDE! The toilet is in the OTHER bathroom!"Gaius: "Oh yeah."

Uranium: "Someone brought me a perky little present!"Sally: "As if."Cypress: "I detect female Knowledge Sim! How's my hair?"Pen: "NO."

Kirstial picks a fight with Uranium, saving Sally from a beating.

Uranium wins again. Sally escapes unscathed.

Cypress: "You know, once you go Eeevil, you never go... Uh, I guess nothing appropriate really rhymes with Eeevil. But you get the gist."Pen: "DOOOOOC! Make him stop!"

Gaius: "Whoops."Cecil: "I believe you will find that the water closet was empty."Gaius: "...Yeah..."

It's a twofer!

Cypress and Vee...

...and Kirstial and Uranium.

Uranium wins her fight first.

Gaius: "Yes, yes, yes, very nice, can I just enjoy my bath now?"

Cypress wins his fight against Vee later. Long enough that Kirstial was able to cry about losing, and then make it to the kitchen from the bathroom and cheer for Cypress.

Cecil has had enough of Vee's shenanigans. This is the first time he's gone after her unprovoked.

Cypress gets a little slap-happy too.

I'd feel bad for Vee, but... she killed Carrie! And she did bring a lot of this on herself.

Cecil's normally so bloodless... Apparently when you stick him in an Asylum with six other villains for almost three weeks, he's capable of getting angry!

This one's Cecil and Vee. She picked the fight.

And Cecil wins!

Vee's sort of got this yo-yo diet thing going on, where she stays on the Dance Sphere long enough to get back to "Average" weight, and a couple of meals later, gets pudgy again. But Cecil's still got maxed fitness, as evidenced by the abs in his underpants.

SimNerd: "Vee and whom?"Cypress.SimNerd: "Cool."

SimNerd: "Om mane padme om. Om mane padme om. Om mane padme om."Kirstial: "What the hell are you doing?"SimNerd: "Trying to regain some sort of mellow."Cypress: "PWND."

Kirstial: "I have to pee!"Salahuddin: "You know, I haven't been getting much face-time this chapter."SimNerd: "Well, you seem to be one of the better-adjusted crazies. You're not starving yourself, peeing yourself, green-fuming, or picking fights every ten seconds."Cypress: "Speaking of..."

SimNerd: "Whatever. More coffee, more skilling."

Cypress wins again. Whee.

SimNerd's got enough Body to spin on High and not fall off! Yay!

Cypress is still managing to keep himself in the green. I think the Knowledge Sims are faring better than anyone else at this point, although I've yet to see soup-can begging, the cardboard cheese sandwich, or Moppy McPlateface.

Salahuddin joins the ranks of Sims with a Maxed Skill.

So far, it's patients 5, SimNerd 0. I know she's got more TOTAL skill points than any one of them, but it still sucks to have them maxing skills when she's not.

Salahuddin: "Hooray! Someone who won't punch me hard!"Vee: "Wanna play Punch You, Punch Me, Salahuddin?"Salahuddin: "No! I am playing with Gaius, thank you very much!"

Cypress: zzzzzzzzzzzIdiotbrotherzzzzzzzzzzzz

Meanwhile, SimNerd is skilling on the Dance Sphere when I realize that Buy and Build Modes are grayed out. Too many people awake for a burglar, so...

Oops. Kirstial didn't just SET a fire; she's ON fire.

Also, Salahuddin's finally awake for a fire, and he takes a hit for it.

I send SimNerd running to the phone to call the fire brigade, and then to try and extinguish Kirstial, because I honestly don't know if she'll be able to successfully Plead with the Reaper.

And suddenly Extinguish dropped out of SimNerd's queue, to be replaced by Fire! Yes, I know there's a Fire! Extinguish it! Turns out the problem wasn't that KIRSTIAL was on fire...

...Kirstial caught SIMNERD on fire.

Um? Help?

CRAPNUGGETS.

Happily, SimNerd was extinguished in short order. Unhappily, it was because the Reaper walked through her to collect Kirstial.

Salahuddin took it badly. Second Aspiration Failure of the Asylum!

Salahuddin: "So, how does this work?"Sim Shrink: "You in the mood for a chicken dance?"Uranium: "...But who will I fight with now?"Cypress: "Waaaah! Sexy Knowledge Sim is dead!"Cecil: "This is most disturbing. I had grown quite close to Ms. Legacina. ...Does anyone have a Bear I might Talk Through?"Vee: "Waaaah! Kirstial's dead and people are smelly!"Gaius: "Lalala, totally oblivious, just over here making an omelet!"SimNerd: "Okay, find the blue glowy light, Kirstial lives, don't find the blue glowy light, have an Asylum haunted by a zero-nice-point firebug ghost. Please let's find the blue glowy light."

SimNerd: "YES! Blue glowy light! I rule! No ghosts in this Asylum!"Cypress: "Waaaah! That means no fulfilling See Ghost Want!"Vee: "See Ghost--DO NOT WANT."

So Kirstial gets to come back with +8000 from Be Saved From Death and a platinum plumbbob.

Kirstial: "CHA-CHING, BABY!"

And then I had to use moveobjects on to delete the stove, because, as I learned long ago with PseudoBruty, when flaming food ignites a Sim, I become unable to take the charred food off of the stove, or use the stove, or delete the stove. Fun glitch, huh? So I cheated it gone and replaced it with a new unglitched stove.

Cypress: "I HAVE TO PEE."Vee: "Hey, wait--I know how fights end around here when someone needs to pee."Cecil: "I believe I will retire now."Salahuddin: "Aren't you still hungry?"Cecil: "I would rather be elsewhere if Ms. Semper decides to resort to fisticuffs."

Vee does resort to fisticuffs, but there's no brawl, and Cypress makes it to the toilet before he has a Vee-esque bladder incident.

Gaius: "The shower has a line and someone's washing dishes in the sink. What to do, what to do... Dance Sphere!"

Cypress becomes the next inmate to max a skill ahead of SimNerd. At this point, I think the only other person in the Asylum who hasn't maxed a skill is Cecil.

However, that IS the Level 10 Skill Meter on SimNerd.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, collecting their tips DOES count towards some sort of "Earn Money" Want for Fortune Sims.

Kirstial takes a plate-nap. Unfortunately, she's also starving, so I had to gauge when she'd had enough sleep to be able to finish her plate of salad. Then I woke her (and Salahuddin) up by using the Work Out option on the TV (they won't watch TV if they can't sit on the couch, and they can't sit on the couch if someone is sleeping on it, but they CAN turn the TV on to Work Out, which wakes up sleeping Sims just as effectively).

Salahuddin: "So I hear something about a Batbox..."Gaius: "Hey, Salahuddin, you want me to make you some breakfast? I make an awesome omelet!"Salahuddin: "Stick it where the sun don't shine, Brie-for-brains."Gaius: "What, like a coal mine or something?"Salahuddin: "...Batbox?"

Uranium: "The Potty God is pleased. No more worrying for me!"

She gets more Aspiration for skilling than some of the Knowledge Sims.

Vee: "So, he's, like, your dad or something?"Cecil: "In Pleasantview, yes, Emperor Caesar is technically my father."Vee: "No wonder you're messed up."Cecil: "Had I been born in Rome, I would have been the next Emperor."Gaius: "Pffft, if you'd been born in Rome, they'd have killed you along with me! Or I'd have killed you. I tried that with Claudius, you know."

Notice what's missing from the picture? Yeah, Forrest Gump there has now maxed TWO skills.

Cecil: "Ms. Legacina, your penchant for bathtub piracy rivals my own, and I find no small measure of comfort in discovering a kindred spirit in such unpleasant surroundings."Kirstial: "Avast, ye landlubber!"Cecil: "Might I partake of some bathtub piracy at this time?"Kirstial: "Try it and I'll keelhaul ya!"

Cecil: "I fear that this bedlam has affected my sense of propriety; please do forgive my forwardness."Kirstial: *GIGGLE*

Cecil: "And may I offer congratulations on Being Saved from Death by the good doctor? I am led to believe that such a circumstance is quite beneficial for Knowledge Sims like yourself."Kirstial: "8000 Aspiration Points worth of benefit!"Cecil: "Alas, such a thing is currently beyond my means."

Kirstial: "I can't tub-pirate when Cecil is tub-pirating!"Cecil: "I detect an inappropriate heart-fart! Though it speaks to my baser nature, I find amusement in this particular event."

Sorry, Prof. You're off-limits, I promise.

Salahuddin: "I am no longer in danger of talking to the volleyball! Hooray!"

Oddly, he went into Aspiration Failure after the fire, but I never saw him whip out the ball.

Cypress: *knucklecrack*Vee: "Oh, CRAP."SimNerd: "Cypress, would you just let it go?"Cypress: "NO."

Yup, Cypress and Vee throw down again.

And Cypress wins again. Vee really needs to get fit if she's going to keep making enemies.

Since Kirstial got Saved from Death, she and Uranium have reached a sort of entente. They haven't fought once since the last fire, and have really been avoiding each other.

Cecil: "I require money. Money and expensive items."Cypress: "Heyhey shrouda, Cecil! Enjoy that freak-out you're rocking there!"Cecil: "I find nothing amusing about my current situation."

Which may be why Cecil decides to take himself out.

I went three weeks with two fires total, and now I've had two in under two days.

Thanks, Cecil.

SimNerd: "Cecil, once that Batbox gets here, I don't have to restrict its use to Gaius, you know!"Cecil: "I merely wanted a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch!"Uranium: "The sexy firefighter isn't here yet!"Vee: "Don't let anything expensive burn!"Cecil: "Regrettably, Ms. Semper, we do not own anything expensive."Vee: "Oh yeah."Cypress: "I'm not going to enjoy this very much, am I?"

SimNerd: "OK, at least no one is on fire this time. And Cecil, you are SO eating this sandwich."

SimNerd: "Yeah, thanks again."Firefighter: "Am I gonna be back here tomorrow, or do we get a break?"SimNerd: "No idea."Cypress: *kathunk*

Firefighter: "That guy in his manties is crazy."SimNerd: "Tell me about it! And I can't make 'crazy' gesture at Cypress because Cypress is in the way!"Firefighter: "Maybe I should be making the 'crazy' gesture at you too."SimNerd: "Cut me some slack here; I've been locked up with these people for three weeks, and I've maxed exactly ZERO skills, which is problematic, considering that my LTW is to to Max 7."Firefighter: "You know what, I'm just gonna go."SimNerd: "You do that."

Cypress: "This is so humiliating."

Vee: "Can I beat him up now?"Cecil: "I believe that Mr. Vetinari is otherwise occupied."

Vee: "Did you just poke me?"Cecil: "I may have done."SimNerd: "I can't help him this time, can I?"Nope--he's maxed Logic; if he's going to pull himself back from the brink, he's gonna have to do it on his own.

Vee: "This is me poking you back!"Cecil: "This is not helping my Aspiration."SimShrink: "Yes, yes, I think I see your problem here."

Vee: "Cypress has cracked!"Cecil: "I concur."SimNerd: "Must be so nice to be a shrub. Just stick your roots in the dirt and wait for rain..."

SimShrink: *VULCAN MIND-MELD*Cypress: "Durrrr..."

Cypress: "I liked Primal Scream better."

SimNerd: "WHINE I SMELL BAD."Sponge bath.SimNerd: "NO."

Five Sims in the bathroom! Salahuddin's sleeping, Kirstial's on the piano, and SimNerd's green-fuming.

Cypress is NOT a happy camper. He's the only one who took a hit from that fire, and everyone else is smelly, but not ready to start gibbering yet.

He manages to grab a shower, and then out comes Dr. Wilson.

And that is where I will leave you with Part 4. Cypress back in Aspiration Failure, SimNerd still with no maxed skills, green-fuming in the kitchen, and the rest of the crazy evil inmates amusing themselves. How many times will Cypress talk to the volleyball? Will SimNerd ever max ONE skill, let alone SEVEN? Will Gaius continue to be irritating? Stay tuned for Part 5 to find out!

I hope you're all as creeped out by this as I was. You might wanna leave a light on when you sleep tonight!