discuss the role of communication in maintaining relationships

Discuss the role of communication inmaintaining relationships

Bradbury and Fincham (1990)

• Meta-analysis of research on attributions in married couples.

Bradbury and Fincham (1990)Happy Couples…..

• Spouses in happy relationships tended to focus on their partner’s positive behavior as part of the person’s character.

• They were more likely to make attributions that locate the cause of– positive events to dispositional

factors in the partner (i.e. positive things happen because of the partner)

– negative events to situational factors (i.e. the partner is not to blame).

Bradbury and Fincham (1990)Unhappy Couples….

• Spouses in unhappy relationships tended to see their partner’s negative behavior as part of his or her character and downplay the partner’s positive behavior.

• They were more likely to make attributions that locate the cause of– positive events to situational factors

(i.e. positive events do not happen because of the partner)

– negative events to dispositional factors (i.e. the partner is to blame).

You will have a conversation with someone of the same gender about a personal problem or issue in your life.

Tannen (1990)• Women self-disclose

(share inner thoughts/feelings) more than men self-penetration

• Women likelier to respond to others’ negative feelings w/understanding; men offer advice for solving problems (EX: weight gain)

Gendered Responses• Women use more

overlapping speech• Men interrupt & change

topic more• Women = more

inclusive; ask for opinion• Men may feel

unsupported by women’s sympathetic response

Conflict?

• Conflict is inevitable.• It is how you handle the

conflict that makes the difference!!!

Gottman and Krokoff (1989)• The researchers compared

data from two longitudinal observational studies of couples.

• The couples were observed in their home and in a laboratory discussion either on a low conflict or a high-conflict issue.

• Conflict was only seen as a negative sign if couples could not resolve it constructively.

Gottman and Krokoff (1989)• Results showed that

expressions of anger and disagreement were not necessarily associated with marital dissatisfaction over time.

• Couples who solved their conflict with mutual satisfaction were more satisfied with their relationship.

Gottman and Krokoff (1989)

• Couples who avoided conflict were less satisfied.

• According to the researchers this is because the couples do not have the opportunity to experience that they can solve conflicts together.

Gottman and Krokoff (1989)• Three specific

dysfunctional communication patterns (defensiveness, stubbornness, and withdrawal from interaction) were reliably associated with marital dissatisfaction over time.

Gottman’s theory of the Four Horsemen of the ApocalypseCommunication that predicts marital dissatisfaction

1. Criticism: • Making dispositional

attributions (e.g. attacking the partner’s personality or character with the intent of making the partner wrong).

Gottman’s theory of the Four Horsemen of the ApocalypseCommunication that predicts marital dissatisfaction

2. Contempt:• Attacking the partner’s

sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse him or her (e.g. hostility, sarcasm, mockery).

Gottman’s theory of the Four Horsemen of the ApocalypseCommunication that predicts marital dissatisfaction

3. Defensiveness: • Seeing yourself as a

victim (e.g. making excuses by referring to factors out of your control, cross-complaining – listening to your partner’s complaint but returning it with a complaint of your own).

Gottman’s theory of the Four Horsemen of the ApocalypseCommunication that predicts marital dissatisfaction

4. Stonewalling:• Withdrawing from

the relationship as a way to avoid (e.g. by silent treatment, monosyllabic response, or changing the subject.