difficult people create 50% of everyday problems. the negative behavior is primarily done to wear...

Difficult people create 50% of everyday problems. The negative behavior is primarily done to wear you down.

When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. Thich Naht Hanh

“YES VIRGINIA, THERE ARE 10 TYPES OF

DIFFICULT PEOPLE !”• Tanks• Snipers• Know-It-Alls• Think-They-Know-It-Alls• Grenade Person• Yes Person• Maybe Person• Nothing Person• No Person• Whiners

Sherman Tanks

• Aggressive, in your face behavior verbal and physical behavior…goal is control at all costs…I win/you lose!

• Tanks will never back down!

Deal with them by:• Standing your ground, but not getting into a fight

with them…it will only escalate the fight• Maintaining eye contact…• Smiling/maintaining self control• Calling security if a show of force or restraint is

needed.

The Sniper

• Uses sarcasm tinged with humor that is meant to embarrass and humiliate you when you are the most vulnerable… goal is control…I win/you lose!

Deal with them by:• Confronting them when it is happening; ask them

to repeat comments so they can be heard by all• Let them know you sense underlying unpleasant

meanings in what they say.

The Know- It- Alls

Dominates conversation with lengthy, haughty arguments, and eliminates opposition by finding flaws and weaknesses to discredit other points of view. Is very knowledgeable and competent.

Deal with them by:. Picking your battles…sometimes it is best to

ignore them or thank them for the information.. Never ever asking for their opinion. Recognize that their knowledge is a valuable

asset

The Think They Know It AllsDo not know what they are talking about, but they have

a knack for conversation and act like a professional.

Deal with them by:State the correct facts or give alternative opinions in as

much detail as you can. Move on to the next topic as soon as you correct a

balloon.This gives the balloon enough time to deflate with as

little embarrassment as possible.

The GrenadeThey yell like Sherman Tanks, but more explosive These people seem reasonable, friendly and collected. Then for no

reason they attack. Often they attack because of a comment that made them feel

threatened or doubted.

Deal with them by:Don’t do anything at all. Just look them straight in the eye. Eventually all exploders reach a stopping point. Then try to get

privacy with them, Get facts about what happened, and Always offer help in the form of a realistic action plan to help get

them back on trackTry to calm them down.

The Yes Person

In an effort to please people and avoid confrontation, Yes People say “yes” and never follow through

Deal with them by:Getting them to do what they say they will do

so you can count on them.

The Maybe PersonThey lose themselves on analyzing things to death and never get back on track;Have great difficulty saying anything that might be hurtful or

distressing to anyone so…they do nothing at all !Fraught with indecisiveness !

Deal with them by: Making sure they have a dead line and know the reason for

the dead line. Being helpful and providing background info to help them

make a decision to commit to work asked of them.

The Nothing Person…better known as

the ClamSilent, unresponsive;Achieving power by withholding communication from you;Doesn’t want to be blamed for a wrong answer;Listens attentively but contributes little.

Deal with them by:Smiling expectantly at them;Let them know that their contribution is welcome and

appreciated;Ask open ended questions that require more than a “yes” or

“no” response.

The Negativist … better known as theNo Person

Pessimistic;Tear down morale;Play to our despair;Feel like they have no control over anything;Feel that those with power can’t be trusted…suspicious and paranoid

Deal with them by:Responding to pessimism with an optimistic statement that is realistic;Ask what’s the worst that could happen?Don’t argue with them !Don’t try to convince them that they are wrong!Distance yourself from them or limit your time with them to maintain a

positive outlook;Be a reality check … a statement like “Wow…I just fell into gloom and doom

here” might at times be appropriate.

The Complainer…also known as the WhinerGeneralizes every complaint; Nothing, it seems, is ever right for them;They give little specific information about the complaint;They usually state a complaint and then walk away;They rarely have a solution — just several ways to complain.

Deal with them by:Ask them to do the opposite;Ask for specifics: who, what, when, where, why, and how;When they start to walk away, ask them to stay for a minute to

finish the discussion; Don't try to get them to solve the problem — they'll resist… a

solution will deprive them of an opportunity to complain; View the complainer as a resource. Sometimes what they

complain about really is a problem that needs to be resolved.

If you want plenty of experience in dealing with difficult people, then have kids.

Tips for Dealing with the Difficult• Try not to take things

personally• Ask questions rather

than make statements• Have supporting

evidence in writing• Ensure understanding

and communication• Use appropriate

phrases when needed

• Use “I” rather than “you”

• Separate the issue from the person

• Be assertive rather than aggressive

• Turn the tables• Express appreciation

when appropriate

A PARTING THOUGHT

Sometimes smiling and being nice is the best approach for dealing with difficult people. Muster up all the inner peace

you can and try to be kind. The good karma is worth it.

Unknown

• Bell, Arthur and Smith, Dayle M. Winning with Difficult People. 2nd edition. Barron’s Educational Services: 250 Wireless Boulevard, Hauppauge, New York, 11788. Copyright 2004

• Bramson, Robert M. Coping with Difficult People: The Proven Effective Plan That Has Helped Millions of People Deal with the Troublemakers in Their Lives at Home and at Work. Dell Publishing, a division of Random House, Inc: 1540 Broadway, New York, NY. 1006. Copyright 1988 (considered a classic reference).

• Brinkman, Dr. Rick and Kirschner. Dealing With Difficult People: 24 Lessons for Bringing Out the Best in Everyone (Mightly Manager Series). Mc-Graw-Hill Professional: Two Penn Plaza, New York, NY 10121-2298. Copyright 2006.

• http://www.techrepublic.com/blog/10things/10-tips-for-dealing-with-difficult-people/

2298• http://video.about.com/careerplanning/How-to-Get-Along-With-Difficult-People-at-

Work.htm (on line video)• http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/dealing-with-difficult-people/• http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Deal-with-Difficult-People-Deepak-Chopra • •

Dealing with Challenging Persons: Suggested References