difficult conversations - deborah hulme

Difficult Conversations APM Conference, September 2016

Deborah Hulme & Sarah Christie-Rundle

The art of conversation and negotiation

• Learning

• Practice

• Self-awareness

• Capability

• ConfidenceEmotion?

Understanding our brain

Cognitive strength

“Between stimulus and response there is a space.

In that space is our power to choose our response”

(Victor Frankle)

• Mindful practice

• Emotional regulation

• Body position and breathing

• Focused attention

• Avoid habitual responses

• Avoid deceptive brain messages

Threat and rewardReward• Increased cognitive resources• More creative• Solve more problems• Come up with more ideas per action• Have a wider perceptual view• More resilient• Enhanced collaboration

Threat• Reduced memory• Narrower vision• Poor attention• Mind wandering• Fear• Sadness• Anxiety• Depression

SCARF model of social threats and rewards

StatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness

AWAYThreat

Response

TOWARD

Reward Response

Adapted from Rock, 2008

Great conversation and negotiationESSENTIAL BASICS

• Undertake rigorous preparation • Identify core interests• Weigh up the various options• Assess different parties & choices• Understand marketplace & numbers• Develop a ‘Plan B’ • Consider using a third party if needed

ESSENTIAL VALUE ADD• Emotionally prepare self• Focus attention• Understand body (hot buttons & sensations)• Calm limbic response• Develop cognitive control • Scan for emotional responses • Remember emotions are contagious • Use frameworks (SCARF) to stay mindful• Keep breathing

Any questions?

Minerva EngagementEastside, Kings Cross Station

LondonN1C 4AX

(t) 020 3285 7943(w) minervaengagement.com

(e) jennie.flower@minervaengagement.com

@MinervaEngage

For more information