counselling guidelines for parents

COUNSELLINGGUIDELINESFOR PARENTS

“a stage in life when the slightest turn towards the

wrong will spoil character” Baba

WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATIONAdolescence. The age span of 10-19 years in the life

of a human being…… Youth The age span of 15-24 in the life of a human being…..

Identity Crisis

Adult?? Child? ? Who am I???

Peer Group Influence

• Economic independence

Unstable emotions

Resentment of Authority

Present Day challenges for parents

• Influence of Media, TV, Movies etc

• Money Power

• Fast foods

• Elevation in women’s status

Disturbing/non co operative behaviour Arguing with siblings Teasing,etc Lack of concentration/Distraction

Disobedience Closed Communication

Fear/Anxiety of….. exams teacher one of the parents a bully in the class

Recognising problem signs……

DEFINITIONS “Counselling is a process that leads to

healing, growth and change.’’ (Dr .B.J.Prashantham)

EMPATHY

ENCOURAGEMENT

EMPOWERMENT

ENRICHMENT

EDUCARE

The 5Es

“Life is listening, learning, lifting and living” Baba

BASIC

LISTENING AND RESPONDING

story

• SUPERFICIAL• PART/SELECTIVE• ATTENTIVE

LISTENING

Communication Research(Dr Albert Mahrabian)

Mehrabian -communication theory

Words-Verbal 7%

Voice-Paralinguistic 38%

Body language-55%

THE DIVINE LISTENER

• Listen to your child with full attention.

• Lack of communication leads to misunderstanding.

• Answer your child’s questions, do not avoid them

• This builds trust and faith Chinna katha dolls

RESPONDING SKILLS

GUIDELINES FOR PARENTS

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• Admonishing What’s wrong with you?

Why have you done this?

• Moralising/LABELLINGYou are such a bad student.careless fellow!

You should be ashamed of yourself!

• Humiliating

I am disappointed in you.

I did not expect this of YOU.

• Sympathising \Sarcastic Oh! , that’s really bad! Poor thing! You can only bea street vendor if you don’t study

COMMUNICATION BLOCKERS

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GUIDELINES

• DON’TS1.Dont advice, preach, moralise, compare

2. Avoid ‘have to’, ‘should/should not’, ‘must /must not’ etc

Avoid ‘why’ question as far as possible

DO’S

• Use Reflective responses• A. Reflection of content• B. Reflection of feelings

SUMMARISE!• It shows understanding and Empathy

STYLES OF PARENTINGAutoritarian/AutocraticONLY LAW

PermissiveToo much anuragaattachment LOVE

AuthoritativeLAW+LOVE

UninvolvedNo LOVE or LAW

PHYSICALDharm a

EMOTIONALShanthi

PSYCHICPrem a

SPIRITUALAhi m sa

INTELLECTUALSa thya

PERSONALITy

DOMAINS

Physical Development

“Do all household work as acts of worship for Him: that is more fruitful than hours of meditation,hours gained by entrusting this precious work to paid helpers.”

IntellectualDevelopment(education/experience)

“Education is for life, not for a living” Baba

Recent structural MRI studies have demonstrated that the brain undergoes considerable development during adolescence.

EmotionalDevelopment

“Love is the undercurrent of human life;Man will be able to manifest his innate divinity only when he develops love within” Baba

Aware of feelings/emotionsCoping with emotionsUnderstanding others emotionsSelf concept

Spiritual Development

“Sow a seed of good thoughtReap aharvest of good actionSow a seed of good actionReap a harvest of good habitSow a seed of good habitReap a harvest of good characterSow a seed of good characterReap a harvest of good destiny” Baba

CHARACTER!

• Silent sitting / Guided visualisation

• Prayer/Chanting• Group Singing• Story-telling /Play acting• Group Seva activities

Transformation Tools The 5 techniques

The Spiritual Tool Boxused IN BAL VIKAS

5 Relationships that make the Home

1 Spouse BondRelationship Husband & Wife

2 Power StructureEmpowerment of Family Members

3 Family TimeActivities & Customs

4 CommunicationMode of communication within the family

5 Awareness & ConnectivitySpiritual Belief, Network of

Friends & Relatives

Dharma

Peace

Non-Violence

Truth

Love

1.SPOUSE BOND

“UNDERSTANDING FIRST, ADJUSTMENT NEXT” Baba

Love

2. EMPOWERMENT OF SPOUSE.“HOME IS THE DWELLING PLACE OF RIGHT

CONDUCT .A HOME IS A HOME IF BOTH HUSBAND AND WIFE

ARE HONOURED AND RESPECTED WITHIN IT.SUCH A

HOME IS THE HAVEN OF PROSPERITY AND PEACE.”Baba

“PARENTS CAN IMPART ELEMENTS OF THEIR CULTURE AND VALUES WHEN THEY SHARE PRIME FAMILY TIME WITH CHILDREN.” BabaBAD TIMES ARE TESTING TIMES (coping skills)

PEACE COOPERATION, APPRECIATION RECREATION SHARING

3.FAMILY TIME

4.COMMUNICATION“50% OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IS LISTENING.IF YOU GIVE AN EAR TO OTHERS ,THEN OTHERS WILL GIVE AN EAR TO YOU.”

RESPECT, EMPATHY, HONESTYAWARENESS OF

OTHERS’ FEELINGS

Words!• “Words can confer strength:they can

drain it off.”• “Power of the atom bomb” Baba

•

Cultural activities, functions, festivals etc sense of oneness, and belonging, connectivity-

SELF AWARENESS, SPIRITUAL ACTIVITIES, PRAYER AND DEVOTION

5.AWARENESS & CONNECTIVITY

“Have Constructive

thoughts, Consoling words,

and Compassionate acts”

Baba

Prayer Bedtime Quiet/homework Household Chores Family activities Allowance Consequence

HOUSE RULES(Routine and Boundaries)

Rules

No rules land

“Discipline is needed in every aspect to maintain the right course of life.” Baba

REMEMBER!• Don’t label your child..• Correct only the wrong

behaviourLabels:You are stupidYou are foolishYou are so slow

GUIDELINES Acceptance and warmth Loving friendly approach Realistic expectations Remembering the divine connectivity

GUIDELINES

• Focus on ‘here and now’• Immediate acknowledgement of wrong or right• Allow them to be part of family conversations, decision making…

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Self-Concept Self esteem The Empty self esteem pot

Overflowing

SELF EMPOWERMENT!SELF-CONFIDENCE Self

Satisfaction

Self Sacrifice

Self Realisati

on

The primary responsibility of a parent is to mould the character of the child.” Baba

Exemplar/Role Model

“BE, DO ,AND THEN TELL”

EXEMPLAR PAR EXCELLENCE

THE DIVINE COUNSELLOR

Baba says

“Parents must feel that they are servants appointed by the Lord to tend the little souls that are born in their households, as the gardener tends the trees in the garden of the Master.”