cfm writing skills
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Exercises – Writing Effective Sentences
CFM
MBA (FT)
Batch 2015-2017
How is this reading experience (1)
I wish to express my indebted gratitude and special
thanks to Mrs. Gayatri Rao, Zonal Manager who in
spite of being extraordinarily busy with her duties, took
time out to hear, guide and keep me on the correct path
and allowing me to carry out my project work at their
esteemed organization.
How is this reading experience (2)
I wish to express my indebted gratitude and special thanks to Mrs. Gayatri Rao, Zonal Manager. Inspite of being extraordinarily busy with her duties she took time out to hear, guide and keep me on the correct path. They allowed me to carry out my project work at their esteemed organization.
Origninal Sentence:I wish to express my indebted gratitude and special thanks to Mrs. Gayatri Rao, Zonal Manager who in spite of being extraordinarily busy with her duties, took time out to hear, guide and keep me on the correct path and allowing me to carry out my project work at their esteemed organization.
How is this reading experience (3)
I wish to express my indebted gratitude and special
thanks to Mrs. Gayatri Rao, Zonal Manager. Inspite
of being extraordinarily busy with her duties she took
time out to hear, guide and keep me on the correct path.
They allowed me to carry out my project work at their
esteemed organization.
How is this reading experience (4)
I am especially grateful to Mrs. Gayatri Rao, Zonal
Manager. Inspite of her extraordinarily busy schedule,
she took time out to hear, guide and keep me on the
correct path.
They allowed me to carry out my project work at their
esteemed organization.
Rewrite
It has a wide network of 35 branches and 93 customer
service points, which give Karvy a tremendous mileage
in being close to the retail customer.
RewrittenIt has a wide network of 35 branches and 93 customer service points. This gives Karvy a tremendous mileage in being close to the retail
customer.
Original Sentence:
It has a wide network of 35 branches and 93 customer service points, which give Karvy a tremendous mileage in being close to the retail customer.
Rewrite
A decade of commitment and broader vision led to
customer satisfaction which thereby helped Karvy to
attain a leadership position in its field and allowed it an
opportunity to handle the largest number of corporate
and retail clients that proved to be a sound business
synergy.
Rewritten
A decade of commitment and broader vision led to custo
mer satisfaction. This helped Karvy to attain a leadership
position in its field. Besides, it allowed an opportunity to
handle the largest number of corporate and retail clients.
This proved to be a sound business synergy.
Original Sentence:
A decade of commitment and broader vision led to customer satisfaction which thereby helped Karvy to attain a leadership position in its field and allowed it an opportunity to handle the largest number of corporate and retail clients that proved to be a sound business synergy.
Can you rewrite this?
So by way of the feedback survey, the issues which came
into light includes first of all irregular and inefficient
communication that is due to a large broker-base which
is around 300 only in Baroda and also because Karvy
Baroda has to single-handedly handle Nadiad, Anand
and Vidyanagar business which again involve around
another 300 business associates.
Possible way of rewriting (1)
The feedback survey highlighted the issue of irregular and
inefficient communication. This is due to the following
reasons:
(i) a large broker-base of 300 in Baroda alone
(ii) Karvy, Baroda, has also to single-handedly handle
Nadiad, Anand and Vidyanagar business which again
involve around another 300 business associates.
Possible way of rewriting (2)
The feedback survey highlighted the issue of irregular and
inefficient communication. The possible reasons are/may
be :
(i) a large broker-base of 300 in Baroda alone
(ii) Karvy, Baroda, also handles Nadiad, Anand and Vidyanagar business, comprising another 300 business associates. Or
(ii) The 300 business associates of Nadiad, Anand and Vidyanagar are also serviced by Karvy, Baroda.
Moving To Concepts
The Seven C’s Of Effective Communication
COMPLETENESS CONCISENESS
CONSIDERATION CONCRETENESS
CLARITY COURTESY
CORRECTNESS
All of them can apply to both written and oral communication.
Source: Murphy Herta A., Hildebrandt Herbert W., Thomas Jane P. (1997), Effective Business Communication, Tata McGraw-Hill Publishing Company Limited, New Delhi
Completeness
Message receivers – either listeners or readers desire complete information to their questions. Provide all necessary information: answering the
five W’s helps make messages clear: who, what, when, where and why
Answer all questions asked: look for questions – some may even appear buried within a paragraph. Locate them and then answer precisely.
Give something extra when desirable: use your good judgement in offering additional material if the sender’s message was incomplete.
Conciseness (1)
“Conciseness is saying what you have to say in the fewest possible words without sacrificing the other C qualities. A concise message is complete without being wordy.
Eliminate wordy expressions: Use single-word substitutes instead of phrases whenever
possible without changing the meanings. e.g. ‘Now’ instead of ‘At this time’ .
Omit unnecessary expressions e.g. ‘I have resumed my duties today i.e. August 9, 2008’ instead of ‘This is to inform you that I have resumed my duties with effect from today i.e. August 9, 2008.’
Limit the use of passive voice.Include only relevant information
Conciseness (2)
Stick to the purpose of the message
Delete irrelevant words
Avoid long introductions, unnecessary explanations, excessive
adjectives and pompous words
Omit information obvious to the receiver
Avoid unnecessary repetition
ConsiderationConsideration means preparing every message with the message receivers in mind; try to put yourself in their place- you are considerate, you do not lose your temper, you do not accuse, you do not charge them without facts.
Focus on “You” instead of “I” or “We” – using ‘you’ does help project a you attitude. But overuse can lead to a negative reaction. e.g. Since your quotation was received after the due date, we will not be able to consider it.
Show audience benefit or interest in the receiver e.g. ‘We are now open on all Sundays’. can be ‘You can now shop with us even on a Sunday’ or ‘We now remain open even on Sundays to help you with your purchases’.
Emphasize positive, pleasant facts e.g. ‘When you travel on company expense, you will not receive approval for first-class fare.’ can be ‘ when you travel on company expense, your approved fare is for tourist class.
Concreteness
Communicating concretely means being specific,definite, and vivid rather than vague and general. It is desirable to be precise in oral business
communication e.g. 'He responds within twenty four hours' is more concrete than ‘His responses are quicker than yours’.
Put action in your verbs e.g. ‘The customer will be upset with this job’ can be ‘This job will upset the customer’.
Clarity
Clarity helps convey the meaning more accurately from the sender to the receiver.
Choose precise, concrete and familiar words – when in doubt, use more familiar words; they are better understood e.g. ‘after’ instead of ‘subsequently’, ‘invoice’ instead of ‘statement of payment’.
Construct effective sentences and paragraphs – Generally short sentences are preferred. The suggested average sentence length is between seventeen to twenty words.
Emphasis – put the main ideas upfront within a sentence.
Courtesy
Courtesy involves being aware not only of the
perspective of others, but also their feelings.
Be sincerely tactful, thoughtful and appreciative Use expressions that show respect
Correctness
This is about proper grammar, punctuation and spelling.
Check accuracy of figures, facts and words.
Writing Shorter SentencesBringing Simplicity Into Our Written Communication
Why Shorter Sentences
What is a short sentence –
average sentence length of 15-20 words
Sentence is easy to read
An Example of a Long Sentence
The government of Gujarat, newly formed state in 1960 wanted to make
economic development, so had taken up a plan to create a dam on two
rivers, but this was met with resistance from the local people, as the
increase in the reservoir threatened to submerge a sacred temple.
“The problem here is convincing the population about the benefits of dam
scheme and protecting the Bhavnath temple thereby considering popular
public opinion and safeguarding traditional religious sentiments of the
people”.
What is common about both these sentences?
You may find some of these common…
Of course these are long sentences
By the time you come to the end of the sentence you have
already lost what was said at the start
You read it and then reread it – and still are not sure if you
have got the exact meaning.
Each sentence has multiple ideas – each colour represents a
different idea in both these sentences
It is certainly not a pleasant reading experience
So, what are we saying ……..
Sentences need to be short and simple
Long sentences lead to loss of message
Long sentences may result in message distortion
Differently said …. Short sentences are easy to
read Short sentences facilitate
comprehension Short sentences facilitate
recall Short sentences enable
effective message transmission
These techniques, consciously adopted, help us to write shorter sentences
Split and disconnect
Split and connect
Say less
Use a list
Cut verbiage
Bin the sentence and start again
Source: Cutts Martin, The Plain English Guide, Oxford University Press
Split and Disconnect
I came to Ahmedabad for the first time for my interview
with Sify and I got selected and joined the company
from the very next day and I started enjoying my job
truly.
Sentence Rewritten:
I came to Ahmedabad, for the first time, for my interview
with Sify. I got selected and joined the very next day. I
started enjoying my job truly.
Split and Connect
The government of Gujarat, newly formed state in 1960 wanted to make economic
development, so had taken up a plan to create a dam on two rivers, but this was met
with resistance from the local people, as the increase in the reservoir threatened to
submerge a sacred temple.
Sentence Rewritten:
The government of Gujarat, just formed in 1960, wanted to make economic
development. Therefore, it had taken up a plan to create a dam on the two rivers.
The increase in reservoir height threatened to submerge a sacred temple. Hence,
this was met with resistance from the local people.
The underlined words, in the rewritten sentence, are the connectors.
Say Less
The key is to avoid repetition.
Use a List This report describes the accident and details the causes,
implications for the company, future prevention and other possible risk areas.
Sentence Rewritten:
This report covers the following:
A description of the accident
Its possible causes
Its implication for the company
Suggestions for prevention
Other possible risk areas
Cut Verbiage
A lot many firms like Maruti, Paharpur, Daewoo, BHEL,
Hindustan Unilever are into green marketing.
Sentence Rewritten:
Many firms like Maruti, Paharpur, Daewoo, BHEL, Hindustan
Unilever are into green marketing.
Look for words that don’t add any meaning or further value to
the message. Omit them.
This is how we unconsciously add words …
“A heavy majority (83%) of those who use plastic bags are aware of its harmful effects but the reason for not shifting to the alternate medium came up as feeling ashamed to carry cloth bags”
Do the words “A heavy majority” add any further value?
This is also a good case to try ‘split and connect’
“ But sometimes it so happens that the suppliers are also not willing to do away with plastic shopping bags.”
The underlined phrase can be replaced by just two words ‘At times….’
Look for words that don’t add any meaning or further value to the message. Omit these.
Bin the sentence and start again
Simply rewrite if you are not satisfied with the length or
construction of the sentence.
We sometimes get emotionally attached to our writing and then
‘throwing it in the bin’ becomes difficult.
Some further thoughts for writing simpler sentences (1)
Use active voice Eg. “The latent profit for retailers is the silent marketing that
these bags do”
Sentence Rewritten: “The silent marketing that these bags do is a latent profit for
the retailers.”
Eg. “One party affected is the wholesalers of the plastic bags.”
Sentence Rewritten:
“The wholesalers of the plastic bags are an affected party.”
Some further thoughts for writing simpler sentences (2)
Use simple words
Eg. “We are accustomed to living in a large house.”
Sentence Rewritten:
“We are used to living in a large house.”
Maintain a list of words and their simpler forms. Even the ‘Tools’ in the Microsoft menu can help find a simple word to replace a more difficult one.
Thank You
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