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Brid Carroll Keynote Addresscarrollbrid@hotmail.com
Conference at Riddel Hall Belfast, 19-9-19
Family life
Death Impacts
Transition
Chaos
Life Adjustment
Impact of Death on the Family
•Confusion • Difficulty communicating • Sense of isolation • Silence • Different coping styles • Different relationships with the deceased • Different life experiences • Age differences
What is needed?
• Information on grief• Supports • Normalising what is happening…not going mad • Finding a road-map for the journey through grief • Opening communication
Understanding of:
Coping styles Gender difference Impact on identity
Unique meaning of the loss Difference in adult and children’s grief
Nature of Mourning in Children
• Intermittent
• Intense
• Overwhelming
• Triggered by:
Activities / Time of day / Music / Lack of an event
• Appear unaffected in the interim
• Function at a much deeper emotional level
• Often disenfranchised
Difficulties can be seen in some of the following ways:
•Difficulties in school •Persistent self blame •Over activity •Risk taking behaviour •Suicidal thoughts •Self harming
•Loss of interest in the daily activities •Loss of appetite and the ability to sleep •Regressive behaviour • Imitation of the person who died •Constant statements of wanting to be with the dead •Withdrawal from friends
The Journey of Grief
LOSS
PROTEST
FEELINGS
LONELINESS
REORGANISATION
NEW ROLES
ACCOMODATION
D U A L P R O C E S S M O D E L
L O S S - O R I E N T E D
( L O S S )
R E S T O R A T I O N - O R I E N T E D
( D AY T O D AY L I F E )
grief work
Intrusion of grief
Breaking Bonds
Relocation of deceased
attending to the changes
avoidance of grief
doing new things
new roles
S T R O E B E & S C H U T
Dual Process Model
• Loss and restoration go on at the same time
• Person moves from one to the other
• Different pace for individuals
• Need to take time out from grief
• Grieving does not just happen it is actively done by the individual
Where are the road blocks?
• The merry go round of feelings • Behaviours/beliefs that leave us
stuck • Feeling we should be further
along the road • Believing others are tired
listening to us • Feeling worse in the 2nd and
later years of grief • Feeling disloyal in moving
forward
Review Date/ October 2016
The ICBN Pyramid
www.childhoodbereavement.ie/pyramid
Tim
e an
d D
evel
opmenta
l Stage
Fam
ily Context
FEW
SO
ME
MO
ST
le
vel 1
lev
el 2
level 3
level 4
MENTAL HEALTH &
PSYCHOTHERAPY
PROFESSIONALCOUNSELLING
● specialist service
● meeting others with similar experience ● helps develop coping strategies● preferably community based
● appropriate child centred
● accurate and honest ageappropriate information● easily accessible via websites, leaflets, bereavement helplines● family and community based
INFORMATION & GUIDANCE
ORGANISED BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT SERVICES
● experience in childhoodmental health
● knowledge of children’s / young people’s reaction to loss● knowledge of bereavement theory● assessment, listening & empathy skills
ADVANCE KNOWLEDGE
& SKILLS
● understanding of children’s / young people’s reaction to loss● understanding levels of need● awareness of how to access services
● appropriate qualification and/or experience● substantial clinical experience
EXPERT KNOWLEDGE
& SKILLS
KNOWLEDGE & BASIC SKILLS
AWARENESS THAT GRIEF IS A NORMAL REACTION TO LOSS
● suicidal ideation● self harming
● symptoms over time● impacts on day to day functioning
● occasional physical symptoms● questioning● to have routine and schedules
● regressive behavior● constantly questioning● dimished coping● feeling isolated
EXPLANATION & REASSURANCE
NORMALISE &ENHANCE COPING
ADDITIONALNEEDS
COMPLEX NEEDS
NEEDS SERVICE/SUPPORT COMPETENCIES
This pyramid was created by the Irish Childhood Bereavement Network and they must at all times be acknowledged as the authors.
• Standard 1: Child & Young Person
• Standard 2: Family
• Standard 3: Local Community
• Standard 4: Service Provision
• Standard 5: National
The Irish Childhood Bereavement Pyramid
• Children will feel heard and understood and their bereavement needs are being addressed
• Children’s grief will be recognised within the family context
• Bereaved children can believe that the adults they encounter in their day to day activities understand their bereavement
• Children and their family can be confident that the services provided are safe and adhering to best practice standards
• Childhood Bereavement is normalised as part of life
Moving From Trauma to Growth
1. Despair in a shattered world 2. Collecting my pieces 3. Remembering and moving forward
Themes:
• Move from social withdrawal to reconnection • Shift from avoidance to exposure • Shift from inactivity to constructive action and resource
development • Construction of a personal story about the loss
Collecting my pieces
Need to:
• Story the event
• Story the relationship
• Story the adjustment
• Story the legacy
• We create a SAFE SPACE • We CONTAIN or HOLD their grief • We provide a SECURE BASE for exploration of their behaviours in
grief • We open the POSSIBILITIES to be EXPLORED
What is our role?
Advantages of a Shared Community
• Reduces isolation
• The kindness of strangers
• Shared experience
• Finding hope and resilience
• Helps to improve family communication
• Helps in recognising different coping styles
• Learn to negotiate milestones
Interventions • Telling the story
• Exploring the relationship
• Examining the multiples of loss?
• Discovering the meaning of loss
• Exploring self-esteem
• What are their goals in life?
• Who are their supports?
• Rituals for remembering
• Continuing the bonds
Bereavement requires:
Adolescents to cope behaviourally, cognitively and emotionally with five core issues that vary with age:
• Predictability of events (Routine)
• Mastery/control (sense of power)
• Belonging (support) • Fairness/justice • Self-image (identity) It needs:
Supportive relationships Group activities
Meaningful rituals
Fleming and Adolph 1986
Work is underpinned by:
• Creative Family Play.
• Empathetic & Safe Connections.
• Exploring awareness of how grief
and trauma are held in the body.
• Dual Process Model.
• Continuing Bonds Model.
• Work on Identity Information
• Meaning reconstruction.
Don’t walk before me I may not follow Don’t walk behind me I may not lead Walk beside me And show me the way Walk beside me today Listen And I’ll show you the way
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