a family affair: getting dad involved

A Family Affair: Getting Dad

InvolvedTed Greiner, PhD

1st Regional Conference on Human LactationBreastfeeding for Healthier Generations

November 14 – 15, 2007, Dubai

Fathers are proud of their children

And want the best for them

Mothers who even perceive the father to be negative to breastfeeding will often not do so or shorten the period.

Fathers influence how babies are fed.

In one study in Baltimore (Kessler et al, 1995), 65% of Afro-Americans and 85% of White women chose the father as the person whose opinion mattered most in deciding how to feed their baby.

•About 65% of both male and female significant others preferred breastfeeding.

•When they did, women were 59 times more likely to intend to breastfeed.

•Women intending to do so were 67 times more likely to initiate breastfeeding.

Partner plans

to breastfeed

Partner plans to artificially feed

BF bad for breasts

22 52

BF makes breasts ugly

23 44

BF interferes with sex

24 72

In Texas, Freed et al (1993) found the following attitudes among men, depending on how their partners planned to feed (expressed in per cent):

Yet the mothers’ ability to guess how their partners

responded to these questions was no better than random guessing.

But no matter how supportive they feel during pregnancy, fathers often develop concerns about

breastfeeding:• It prevents

them from developing a relationship with the baby.

• It separates them from their partner.

• They are jealous of the close bond between mother and baby.

• Reduces the mother’s interest in sex and/or interferes with sex.

• Has a negative effect on the breasts (size, shape, dripping, “belong” to the baby).

What to do to prevent this?Discuss in advance, between

partners:• The many ways

in which having children often can damage a couple’s relationship

• The benefits of breastfeeding for mother, baby, and even father (less sickness, lower cost)

Discuss in advance,between partners:

•The kinds of problems men tend to have about breastfeeding, even if he does not feel that he will have them.

Discuss in advance, between partners:

• The acceptability of,

• styles of (for example clothing choice, extent of breast exposure), and

•potential locations where it’s “okay” to breastfeed in public from his point of view

• Try to find a way to discuss these issues both before and after birth with other men (with no women present); if possible including a good role model.

• Fathers should participate actively in preparations for birthing and be present during delivery.

Getting a father to feel supportive of breastfeeding

• Men respond well to scientific evidence on the benefits of breastfeeding

• Focus on “What’s in it for me?”• The previous slide presents a major

argument• However, don’t put the baby between

mother and father in bed• Their heels are strategically placed to give

dad a very unpleasant awakening…

All babies, not just prematures, benefit from kagarooing. Men can and should spend a lot of time skin to skin with their babies.

• From an early stage, find realms in which the father on his own works out how to care for the baby and takes responsibility for it.

• Burping, comforting and diapering are helpful, but bathing has the advantage that he can be the sole or main bather.

• At six months, let the father become the main solid feeder.

A new idea: can fathers be

educated aboutthe benefits and safety of

exclusive breastfeeding and serve as protection for their partners

from interference by their mothers?

We must consciously strive to create a

new norm for what it means to be a father who

is involved with and actively engaged in the life

of his baby.

Here are some

examples of what is out

there now and threatening to

become the norm if we

remain passive.

How to get men more involved?

• They need to get empowered,

• Learn what to do.• They need to learn

this from other men.• They need space to

develop their own ways of caring for their children.

Doing things with other fathers

makes it more fun and offers a rare opportunity

to learn from each other

BUT they must somehow learn where the thresholds lie for:

–Hygiene,–Nutrition,–Safety,–Children’s needs for attention, body contact, stimulation.

I was never educated, but things just worked out. I spent

a lot of time with my sons while working on my PhD. I was alone with them for six

months when they were 4 and 7. We had a lot of fun

together, but sometimes it was exhausting.

Then I was alone with them again for 3 years starting

when they were 10 and 13. In this picture we are on a trip to Rome together when they

are 12 and 15.

Finally, I was alone with the younger one from the time he

was 18 – 21. Fortunately, at the same time as he moved out, a new, then 16-year old step-daughter moved in and I’m

enjoying a new kind of fathering!

Ted’s Email:tedgreiner@yahoo.com

Ted’s Website:www.global-breastfeeding.org