1. mastering the art of the difficult conversation marilyn bushey, coach to leaders powerpac, inc

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Mastering the Art of the Difficult Conversation

Marilyn Bushey, Coach to LeadersPowerPAC, Inc.

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Bagging your head against a wall feels good ….

When you stop!

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You Need to Hold a Difficult Conversation when…• Results are suffering • Relationships are suffering• You’re stuck

What difficult conversations are you not holding?

“The bottom line is this: If you don’t talk it out, you will act it out.”

Joseph GrennyCrucial Conversations

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Your Difficult ConversationsProfessional Personal

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Triangle of Opportunity Model

You

OthersSituation

Opportunity

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What’s Your “Story”?

Observe Conclude Feel Act

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What Role Are You Playing?Determine what role you’re playing by asking yourself these reflective questions.• How are you contributing to the problem? • What stories are you telling yourself about the

situation? What is fact? What is fiction?• What emotions are you feeling? • What do you want to happen?• What are acting like you want?

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What Role Are They Playing?Determine what role they’re playing by asking yourself these reflective questions.• What are the other person’s (people’s) intentions?• What might they be feeling?• How are they contributing to the problem?• How may your actions have affected them?• What are the specific behaviors that this person is in engaged

in that are causing problems? • Has your story distorted the way you view that person’s

actions? • How has your story influenced your actions toward that

person? PowerPAC, Inc.

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What’s Their “Story”?

ObserveConcludeFeel Act

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4 Truths

• My truth• Your truth• Our truth• THE truth

Too often, we confuse "my" truth with "THE" truth.

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Plan for Mastering the Art of the Difficult Conversation• Share Your Facts• Share Your Feelings• Seek to Understand• Find a Mutual Purpose• Move to Action

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Share Your Facts

• Separate facts from fiction.• Start with what you see and hear.• Describe your data and reasoning.

• For example:• I observed…• noticed that…• I expected…• We had agreed to…• Here's what I think and here's how I got there…

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Share Your Feelings

• Describe your feelings to help the other person understand why you’re concerned.

• Consider what feelings are involved for each of you.

For example:• I’m beginning to think…• I feel that…

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Seek to Understand

• Ask for their story.• Separate their intent from the impact it had on you.• Ask how your actions may have impacted them.• Be open to listening.

Use inquisitive questions to become more aware of others' thinking and reasoning.

For example:• How do you see it?• What am I missing?• Help me understand…• What do you think? • Here's one aspect which you might help me think through…

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Determine a Mutual Purpose• Determine what you both want and look for

something you both agree on. • Create a purpose that combines what both of you

want.• Brainstorm new strategies.

For example:• What do we both agree on?• This is why I want “A”, why do you want “B?”• If I get “A” and you get “B,” we’ll both be happy.PowerPAC, Inc.

ENTERING

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Move to Action

• Create a plan.• Determine who will do what by when.• Set a schedule for following up.

For example:• Let’s brainstorm the steps in our solution…• Let’s talk about who’ll do what and by when…• How will we follow up?

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Caution

• Learn to look for the danger signs in yourself and others.

• Restore safety when necessary, then return to dialogue.

For example:• I’m sorry…• I didn’t mean…• You’re saying you’re okay with this, but you seem upset.

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The 3 Most Important Takeaways• Start with You

• Follow the Script

• Use Caution

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Thank You!

Marilyn BusheyCEO and Chief Learning Officer

PowerPAC940-326-9535

powerpacinc@charter.netwww.powerpacinc.net