ambiguous loss march 7, 2016
TRANSCRIPT
Ambiguous LossSupporting families with missing loved onesPresented by: Maureen Trask
For: Victim Services Waterloo Region Volunteers on Mon. March 7, 2016
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Learning Objectives Understand ambiguous loss
Support families left behind
Reflect on family experiences
Recap and Q&A 2
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Daniel Trask
Missing Nov. 3, 2011 Found May 24, 2015
What is Ambiguous Loss?Dr. Pauline Boss, principal theorist of the concept of Ambiguous Loss and Dr. Gloria Horsley, founder and president of Open to Hope Fdn, discuss Ambiguous Loss at the annual Association of Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) Conference, 2011.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2vYyefAgZ0
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Ambiguous Loss is: Traumatic Loss (Boss, 2009)
Externally Caused (Boss, 2009)
Unclear Loss (Boss, 1999)
Senseless Loss (Boss, 2009)
Lacks Closure / Understanding Frozen Grief / being Stuck in Limbo (Boss, 1999)
A Unique Journey
Boss, P. (2009). The trauma and complicated grief of ambiguous loss. Pastoral Psych, 59(2), 137-145. Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: Learning to live with unresolved grief. Cambridge, MA. Harvard University Press
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How to ease its effects
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Guidelines for resiliency while having to live with ambiguous loss: (Boss, 1999)
1. Find Meaning (look at values, beliefs, traditions)
2. Accept Uncertainty (make 2 opposing ideas into 1)
3. Reconstruct Identity (forced to change roles)
4. Normalize Ambivalence (as the new norm)
5. Revisit Attachment (celebrate the missing and mourn the changes)
6. Discover Hope (look at strengths, making it with the pain)
Types of Ambiguous Loss 1. Physically Absent- Psychologically Present
2. Psychologically Absent- Physically Present
Adoption Migration Missing people Miscarriage and stillborn loss Natural disaster and catastrophic tragedy
Addictions Dementia and Alzheimer’s Mental health issues Separation/Divorce Traumatic brain injury or coma
There is no verification of death. There is no certainty that the person will come back
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Manage the contradictions Take two opposing ideas, make into one
I am both sad - and still happy I am both alone - and still connected I am both powerless - and still empowered I am both frozen - and still transforming I am both doubtful - and still hopeful I am both burdened - and still grateful My loved one is both gone - and still here
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Effects of Ambiguous Loss Emotional rollercoaster Changes families, relationships, roles and identity Can change spiritual beliefs Tend to withdraw/isolate self
Goal: Learn to live with the emotional tidal waves. Learn to live with and adapt to the changes that come with the loss AND learn to live with the ambiguity by developing meaning. (Boss, 1999)
Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous loss: learning to live with unresolved grief. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press
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Why does it matter?
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Ambiguous loss: Freezes the grief process Paralyzes couple and family functioning Prevents closure Families can name it. Families need support.
AFP Supporting those who are left behind
11© Commonwealth of Australia 2014 AFP Australian Federal Police, National Missing Persons Coordination Centre, Project Officer Sarah Wayland
* Framework – Working with those left behind 5 themes for working specifically with families
of missing persons:1. Reanimation: move past “frozen”2. A celebration so far: respond to loss3. The trauma timeline: explore the impact4. A protected place: safe place of pain5. Opportunities for growth: living with loss © Commonwealth of Australia 2014 AFP Australian Federal Police,
National Missing Persons Coordination Centre, Project Officer Sarah Wayland12
Framework1. Reanimation
Move past “frozen” Help families with their
sense of being frozen to the time of their loved
one's disappearance Assist families to move
from their sense of feeling ‘stuck‘. 13
Framework 2. A celebration so far
Respond to the loss Acknowledge and honour the family's relationship
with the missing person Facilitate families to find
an opportunity to respond to the current loss of their loved one.
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Framework 3. The Trauma TimelineExplore the impact of the disappearance
as well as the accumulated traumas
families may have faced prior to their loved one going missing.
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The Trauma Timeline
16© Commonwealth of Australia 2014 AFP Australian Federal Police, National Missing Persons Coordination Centre, Project Officer Sarah Wayland
Framework4. A protected place
Safe place of pain Co-construct a space where families can
acknowledge the pain of not knowing while still finding ways to live life.
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Framework5. Opportunities for growth
Living with ambiguous loss Explore ways in which families can live
with their loss, rather than being consumed by it.
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Services (Support)Support looks different to everyone
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* Someone to really listen
* Being present
* Just being there
were by far the most popular ways to support someone.
Living and Learning on my Ambiguous Loss journey
“Loss of a missing loved one is often a lonely and an untrodden path for each of us who has to walk it.” *
Can I learn to live withthis loss?
How do I get closure? How do I get support?
20* Living in Limbo: Five Years On, Missing People UK, 2013
Challenges with Police(from a Family Perspective)
Not being taken serious by police in the first instance
Making sense of the entire situation
Not blaming self for the disappearance
Not being kept up to date, short or long term as case progresses
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How You Can Help Be point of referral for families Offer peace of mind for Police that the
needs of families are being addressed Help to keep lines of communication open
between Police and families Don’t try to conduct investigation on behalf
of Police Listen - Empathize - Communicate - Be Present
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Recap and Q & A Ambiguous Loss is an uncertain loss Triggers can impact the journey Each situation is unique and individual Families need support It’s about finding meaning and hope “Closure” is a myth, families want answers
Any moments or thoughts? Questions?
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Thank You !
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Maureen Trask: [email protected]
Support for Us – Families with Missing Loved Ones (FB page)
Link to this Presentation andResource Materials will beemailed.