after the girl grows up

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AFTER THE GIRL GROWS UP

Courtney webb

CONNIE GOES ONLINE

Hey Cutie! Lets have some fun!

Connie read the online message with a frown. Now why would somebody his age be interested in

somebody my age? I dont get it. She stared at the picture. A buff, tan, smiling 38 year old guy staredfetchingly out at her. Hum, she thought, he is cute . She pulled the mouse down and clicked onProfiles. Lets see she murmured to herself, age, height, weight, job, interests, salary, ahmaritalstatus. She paused to look harder at the screen; did it say married? Wasnt this a singles dating sit e?What was a married guy doing on here?


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Connie read Garys message again and could see that he was asking her if she wanted to chat. No,she said out loud to the computer screen. I do not want to chat with you Gary , she said with an angryclick to her mouse.

Connies life had taken a turn when, as life tends to do, kids grow up and go away to school. This had

happened to her when her only daughter, her baby Scooter, left four years ago to attend a big nameuniversity. With her heart breaking, she had said her goodbyes as they packed up a bunch of herdaughters things. Also, as life has a tendency to do, the baby was going to be living much closer to theDad now. Connie had gotten a chilly feeling that Scooter was going to be spending a lot more time withhim now, making up for lost time away from him after the divorce. As Connie had predicted, that isexactly what did happen. Countless nights and weekends spent together watching TV movies, eatinghome-delivered pizza and baking seemed to be a thing of the past.

So these days, if i t wasnt Scooters Dad, it was the boyfriend and if i t wasnt him i t was her school or herwork and Connie- mom really didnt get to see much of the girl anymore. She got weepy over this fromtime to time as countless frien ds tried to cheer her up and talked about the growing up process. Shedidnt know if they meant hers or the kids.

Growing up and growing old, Connie said to the room with a gloomy tone. Turning fifty had hurt herego more than anything else. As far as dating; the pool of men seemed to get smaller every year andstatistics about these things indicated that wasnt just in her mind.

Connie clicked on a message from Greatguy. Oh God, nineteen years old! Gak! That one actuallymade her feel a little s ick. Why in the world. She shook her head, at fifty -five, she knew she did lookgood for her age, but still, nineteen? Good God.

Hey, lets hook up! She read the message from Steve from California who was also married andapparently looking for a Friend with Benefits and NSA. Connie studied his profile, cute she thought,too bad about the married part. NSA? She looked at it again; NRA? No, NSA. What the heck? Oh! shegot a sudden flash, NSA no strings attached. Of course.

Oh well, she c licked off the computer, time to get to the gym.

She positioned herself with the hand weights and started to do the back lifts the gym instructor told herabout. She lifted up to the back and and repeated 15-20 times. She did front side and back for severalminutes and put the weights down and glancing around to see if anyone was watching she lifted herarms up and giggled the arm flab in front of the full length mirror . Actually, she thought to herself, it

wasnt looking so bad, It really did look lik e that ugly upper arm flab was receding. She thought aboutlipo-suction. Nah,she thought, If I am going to spend $4, 500, Ill spend it on my face.

She saw the guy coming over who at age 55 dressed like he was a 30 year-old mountain hiker andalways tr ying to get her attention. I might be interested, she thought to herself, if he just wouldntspend so much time looking at himself in the mirror. True to form, the guy came over to pick up some


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do i t. Two hours later and lighter in the pocketbook, she emerged with only a little ice pack on herforehead.

Youre an artist Dr. Lee, she told him. She wasnt kidding. He had just gone after her face hammer andthongs with two laser guns for heavy sun spots and done a beautiful job. The spots above her mouth

were fading away nicely.

Dr. Lee looked very pleased with himself. He should, she thought, making that kind of money .

Connie got her hair colored and bought a new pair of wooly stockings to go with her latest English dressthat was very trendy. The dress covered the remaining stomach and butt bulges without clinging. Thehairdresser curled her hair with the curling iron, something she could never do herself, and she brushedit out the next day and was ready to get on the train.

By the time she got there and got checked in; she was starting to feel tired. Connie decided to lie down alittle before she got dressed and met her date. No point in looking droopy. After 45 minutes she got up;

reapplied her makeup careful to hide the bruises from the Botox, brushed and sprayed her hair. Thedress was on, the stockings up; the shoes matched everything and the jewelry too. She was ready to go.

She met Rudolf by the subway and her first impression was that he was shorter than she thought hewould be. He has got to be the shortest 6 man I have met in awhile. Regardless, they were soonchatting together like old buddies.

They tried to find a restaurant but most weren t open yet so they ended up at Starbucks and he orderedthem coffee; Connie got a sandwich. They both talked about themselves and he seemed to like talkingabout himself. She had to admit, he had the deepest blue eyes she had seen in quite some time. Shecould fall right into those

And I have been to 27 different of the United States he told her. And I bet you have never been toLynchburg, Tennessee where they make Jack Daniels whiskey . She had to admit she never had and hetold her all about it and how the place was just like the commercials. Rudolf proceeded to tell her aboutall the cities in California he had visited too and then started in on the Asian countries he had been tooand all the weird food they had. Connie felt like they were in some kind of race.

After about two hours of this marathon where have you been, what have you done, Connie had to tellher date that she was meeting some other people there in town but made plans for lunch with him thenext day.

Rudolf seemed a little surprised by the request but agreed and they shook hands parting. Connie knewshe could be in trouble with this one; she met her other friends for dinner and she felt herself calmingdown. Later that night she knew she would have to confront Rudolf about his situation with his wife.She realized reluctantly that there could be all kinds of reasons for it; and maybe none of them to haveanything to do with the wife at all; the company offered him a bunch of money to come here, he was


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Sally admired her handiwork, she turned the pink skirt right and left, Looking good, she thought.

She smiled to herself and put it down, Wont mother be pleased when she got back from her trip! Tothink, I did the whole thing myself without any help. She felt very proud of herself.

Sally was sixteen years old and her mother had gone home to visit her parents over the Christmasholiday like she did every year. Sally had decided to make the pink skirt and matching vest while hermother was gone. She had gotten her Dad to take her to the fabric store, she had picked out thepattern, found the fabric to include the liner and had the clerk cut the right amount. Then she picked outthread and a zipper and charted the whole pile home to the sewing room.

Sallys mother, Lilith, was in probably the master seamstress category. She was very proud of herabilities as she could sew anything and everything and frequently did. Lilith showed off her outfits toneighbors, friends and relatives alike even entering little Sally into a mother-daughter look alike dresscontest when she was two. Many a time Sally sat, literally at her mothers knee, learning this and thatabout sewing and actually knew quite a lot for a girl her age.

Sally had read the instructions over and over again for the zipper and had put one in before with hermothers help. This was the first t ime she did it by herself. She had laid the fabric out on the kitchentable and carefully placed the pattern pieces on top and cut them out with the pinking shears . Shematched the sides together and then sewed the lining together and put it into the oute r shell. But, itwas the zipper, the hardest part she was the most pleased with. She couldnt wait for her Mom to gethome and show her.

Lilith got home a few days later in a flurry of coats and jackets, and packages and luggage. Thegrandparents always sent home gifts from the farm. Usually, it was large bags of shelled pecans thatwould end up in delicious pecan pies later on. Sallys dad and brother had gone to the airport to pick herup and she landed with great flourish. She would be hitting the bridge circuit with all her buddies soonto chit-chat, have cocktails and swap gossip.

Sally waited until Lilith was settled before taking her into the sewing room to show her what she haddone. At first Liliths face was quizzical, she certainly wasnt expect ing this. Sally sat her down in thesewing chair next to the machine and produced her masterpiece, vest and completed skirt.

Lilith turned the skirt over and over in her hands. Then without looking up or looking at Sally, shegrabbed the thread ripper and started ripping out the zipper. This is wrong, all wrong! You dont do itthis way, this is a mess. Ill fix it, Lilith finished triumphantly.

Sallys mouth hung open. Her beautiful skirt, now in her mothers hands, was disintegrating. Not onework of praise for anything. She turned and left the room in a daze.

Later, Lilith, true to her word did fix the skirt and Sally was able to wear the entire outfit to school andshe was still felt good about that; but the rounds of eternal picking and picking started all over whenher Mom had gotten home.


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Sally, you shouldnt eat that. Its bad for your skin, you know that chocolate makes your skin break out.How many times do I have to tell you. And stop picking at those zits! My Lord! Use some of the make upI got you to cover those up. Lilith was always on Sally about her weight. At medium to tall height, Sallysweight fluxgate from 125 to 130 lbs. That never seemed good enough for Lilith. She would nagconstantly about her getting fat.

Sally, she would say. If you dont stop getting those ice -cream bars, you are going to start to look likeyour cousin Grace and God knows, she cant get a man!

Then her grades. She brought home some Bs and two Cs on one card, the rest As.

You know Sally, you come from a pretty smart family. I thought you could have done better than this,her mother said with a frown.

One night, after the latest report-card, chocolate-ice cream rant, Sally went to her room and locked thedoor and threw herself on the bed, sobbing. She felt completely defeated. She lay there a long timeuntil the light faded and it was almost twilight. Her mom had gone out to bridge and the rest of thefamily had high- tailed it to safety too, so they werent around.

Sally was puzzled then, when the twinkling of lights started in her room. She thought she had left thelight off. Maybe there was a short in the wire. She started to become alarmed when the soft twinklingstarted to turn into the equivalent of strobe lights. What the hell?

She almost shrieked when a form started to appear close to her bed. She pulled herself up and grabbedher teddy and hugging it. The form began to take shape and with a popping sound a woman appeared

in her room. She reminded Sally a little bit of the good fairy in Cinderella; but, like she had gone on adiet and cut her hair.

This woman was full figured but stuffed into a tight leather jumpsuit complete with silver studs and beltand gelled up purple hair. Wow! And then, biker boots? Sallys mouth hu ng completely open.

The woman reached over and with a surprisingly kind voice said Now, now dear. Got to close that orthe flies will get in. And with a quick motion, she closed Sallys mouth for her.

But, but, you, you Sally stammered.

I know, I know, the woman nodded. She looked down and gave the leather suit a little stroke. Whatdo you think? This years model. She turned and looked at herself in the mirror and tilted a bit backand forth.

The first 50 pounds werent so hard. But the last ten. What a bitch!

Sallys mouth fell open again. Youre, youre


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Sally stared a t herself in the mirror. Wow! was all she could say.

Ok, the Fairy Godmother was pushing up her sleeves. Now for this pesky acne, a wave of the wandand Sally could feel her face start to tingle and glow. A bit off the ass. There were a weirdcontractions going on in Sallys rear and thighs, always her very worst spots.

She looked in the mirror, her face looked curiously rosy and she looked closer, clear! For once, clearskin! She turned and, was her butt smaller?

Now for these clothesgood God! the Godmother stood staring at Sallys unbelievable messy closet.She waved the wane and to Sallys amazement, the clothes, hangers, shoes, boxes, everything started todance around and rearrange themselves.

Okay then, while we are waiting on that to happen, lets look at you again. The Godmother turnedSally right and left. Yes, better, better. She didnt seem completely satisfied. There is somethingelse..What was it? She seemed to think to herself.

Ah! She almost shouted. Didnt you say something in some prayer about school, some class or other.What was it? Her very, very blue eyes looked deep into Sallys.

Ah, ah. Sally stammered again. The Godmother tapped her toe impatiently. It was algebra andFrench, yes thats right. I just cant seem to get the hang

Sally felt the pointed edge of the wand hitting her on top of the head. Ow! She put her hand up tostop it, but it appeared the old lady was done before she started.

What.

Alright Sally dear, the Godmother sat her down on the bed again. What I have done is to put atemporary spell on you. Sallys mouth was doing the open thing again and Godmother closed it withher hand. As of today, you will be able to remember everything in French perfectly.

Perfectly? Sally stared in disbelief.

Perfectly, replied the Godmother. Also, in Algebra, you will be able to remember everything perfectlyand will be able to do all the problems just right.

Well, great, great, she said with disbelief. Its just so hard to believe Sally jerked back when a littlepuff of smoke came out of the wand. There was something like a brief flash in the fairys eyes.

You dont believe me?

I do, i ts just, I am so bad at math! Sally was trying to get out.

Not to worry, the fairy patted her hand. Its going to be okay now.


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However; as I told you , this is a temporary spell. It will last exactly six months. Then on the stroke ofmidnight, everything will go back as it was. Do you understand Sally?

Sally stared and then slowly nodded her head up and down. The fairy godmother pointed her wand atthe calendar which mysteriously changed pages by six months. A bright silver star appeared on the 6th

page with a pop!

Fairy Godmother patted Sallys hand again. You are going to be alright dear, just heed what I said. Youllbe fine. In fact, her voice was trailing off at this point, youll be just perfect!

With that and a popping sound, she disappeared.

Sally sat stunned for a minute. Then she could hear her mothers voice Sally, is there someone in therewith you?

No, Mom, just the radio, Sally lied. She got up from the bed slowly and went over to her closet. Inamazement she saw that every single thing in her closet was reorganized and color coded for matchingoutfits. She went back to the mirror. Wow, that hair looked great. Slowly, she started to feel a new bitof confidence steal over her.

Guess its time for bed, she said to herself. Tomorrow is definitely another day! With that she wentto bed.

The next morning, Sally trapsed down to breakfast with the new hair and an outfit she hadnt been ableto find in three months lost in the back of her closet. She sat down.

Her brother Dan looked up from his bowl of cereal and gaped at her. What did you do to your hair? hiseyes went wide. Sally fluffed her new curls with one hand as she sat.

New home perm, was all Sally said briskly reaching for the cereal box.

Her mother turned from the stove with the bacon pan in her hand and almost dropped it.

Oh, my God! Lilith managed to put the pan down before spilling the grease on the floor. Sally, yourhair? It was as though she couldnt figure out whether to ask a question or make a statement. Shecame over to examine the new do.

Is this what you were doing squirreled away all last evening? She was peering at the hair trying to findsomething, mercifully, to criticize.

Sally was feeling a li ttle hot now but remained composed. Yep, just me and my box of home perm.She was casually shaking cereal, or what was left of i t, into her bowl. Dan was such a pig.


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Well, dear me, her mother exclaimed, its really, ah, ah, nice, she finally said. I didnt know youknew how to do home perms? Now that was a definitely a question.

Ah, internet, you know. You can learn anything on the net. She shoveled a few spoonfuls of the cerealinto her mouth and gulped it down. Well, gotta go, bus! With that she grabbed her backpack and

sped out of the room. Dan was calling out after her, It looks good, even on you!

Sally got lots of compliments that day from her friends at school about the new do and she was gettingabout worn- out with saying thank you by 6 th period. Amazingly enough, she had sailed through 4 th period Algebra II. Just like Godmother had said, although this was usually one of her worst classesbecause the teacher was old and boring and it was right before lunch; today she seemed fresh and ableto concentrate. Better still, she seems to not only remember what Mr. McGruder showed them on theboard, it was like she had taken a smart pill, everything made sense for once. Zoowie!

McGruder always gave the class twenty minutes at the end of class to get their homework started andto ask questions. Sally got out her paper, numbered the problems down both sides of the sheet andwent to work. Two minutes till the hour she walked up to the teachers desk and handed him the paper.

He looked up surprised, like he didnt expect to see her there. Whats this Sally? he asked taking thepaper.

Its our homework, Sir, she replied politely.

McGruder looked at her sharply and then looked at the paper. He looked at the answers and made littlered checks against each one.

Looks like you didnt quite get this last one, Sally. He was looking at her strangely. Did one of the guys

help you out on this? he wanted to know.

No sir, Sally shook her curls a little, I just seemed to understand it better today for some reason.

McGruder looked away from her a moment and then shouted Ryan, did you help Sally with her paper?

Ryan, one of the kids in the class, looked up mystified and shook his head no. Reluctantly, McGruderhanded the paper back to Sally and told her to redo the last problem and turn it in again the next day.

Sally did exactly that and got a 100% on that paper and then every single paper she did for the rest ofthe term.

In French class, Madam always managed to call on Sally and make her squirm when she couldnt comeup with the correct answer. Today, when she was called Sally replied Je voudrais la poisson pour diner,sil vous plait. Madam stopped her slow march aroun d the room long enough to shoot Sally a slightlyconfused glance. But she looked away and Sally breathed a sigh of relief.


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Sally had always done well in her other classes; English, Language Arts, Art, PE, etc. but now she beganto do even better in those classes too. While Mr. McGruder kept trying desperately to figure out whichof the boys in class was slipping Sally the answers on everything, her other teachers were much morepleased.

Oh Sally, Mrs. Kirkwood, her English teacher just gushed one day, I just knew you had more in you, just a little locked away.

Thanks Mrs. Kirkwood, Sally replied, actually a little embarrassed. But things were picking up for Sallyall over the place, with the new hair, the minus five pounds, clear skin and a something differentattitude, Sally was starting to attract a lot more attention from both the boys and the more populargirls at school. She had to laugh up her sleeve when Amanda, one of the snottiest girls on campus askedSally to come to her birthday party.

Gosh, I am so sorry, Sally had to say. I would love to come but I already made other plans. Shewrinkled her face into the so disappointed look a lot of the girls at her high school used. Amanda wasthe one who looked disappointed.

She turned away a nd sort of mumbled a Next time then, something and Sally shook her headvigorously up and down. Sally did have a movie date with Karl, one of the school soccer players whichshe could have broken. But, Amanda, why bother?

At home, her brother Dan was still calling her names like Bozo-head and Dweeb but, it seemed with lessenthusiasm all the time. When Sally started to date Karl and knew that Dan idolized Karl as the bestkicker the team had ever had, there was an ever so slight shift in their relationship.

Hey, Sal, she heard him call out when she got home one day. So when you seeing Karl again? heshuffled his feet around a li ttle and was looking down.

I donno, why? she said casually.

Well, I just wanted to talk to him about, about somesoccer stuff, you know, he finished up andlooked out the window. Sally knew for a fact that Karl was probably going to be next team captain andDan was trying to get on his good side.

Well, Ill just tell him you want to talk about some..stuff, she told h er brother. He looked up suddenlyand beamed at her; maybe the first time since they were both in bunny foot pajamas.

Great, great! Thanks, Sally, youre a pal. He was going to hit her on the back in thanks and shemanaged to dodge him just in time.

Sallys Dad kept insisting to her mother that, other than the hair, Sally really wasnt that much differentthan before. Shes just growing up and coming into her own, he would say. From time to time, Sallywould catch him giving her quizzical little looks and if she caught him, he would look away quickly like he


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was inspecting the wall paper. She smiled to herself, her dad had always been on her side, she knewthat.

Lilith was an entirely different matter altogether. While at first, she told herself she liked the hair andthe newly organized closet and the improved grades; the entire thing was disconcerting. She would try

to give her daughter advice and constructive-criticism like she had always done to help her and show herlove.

Sally about your hair, shed start.

What about it Mom, was the tart reply.

Well, its cute and all, but, gee, all that perming and color is so hard on your hair. Wouldnt you like togo back to the way it was before to give it a rest? Lilith looked to her husband for s upport and he hidbehind his newspaper.

Mom, everyone at school loves my hair, Karl loves my hair, hell ; even Dan loves my hair! Its perfect just the way it is and Im not changing it, she said with finality.

Lilith looked and looked for something to land on; Sally had mysteriously, almost overnight, lost allexcess fat and was now, well, what was the word, perfectly proportioned. Plus, there didnt appear tobe even one zit in sight. She just couldnt understand it. She took to checking Sallys close t and medicinecabinet to see if there was some weird chemical lurking there that was responsible for all this; and,nothing. She was stumped.

Then, the grades. Sallys grades started to improve bit by bit but when she came home with a straight Areport c ard, Liliths mouth fell open. No one in their family had ever made grades like this. Sally, this is

so unusual, how, how she stammered. She just couldnt think of what to say without accusing herdaughter of outright cheating, but with who, how?

Sensi ng the dilemma, Sally responded to the unasked question. I have just gotten more focused Momand decided to quit screwing around at school. Easier on everyone this way.

Lilith signed the report card with an almost shaking hand and gave it back to her d aughter. Oh, by theway, Mom, I think you said something a long time ago about me getting clothes if I could only everbring home the grades. So, now, I have done. Can I have some cash please?

Lilith was astonished by her daughters new found directness. I dont, that is, I dont think I have any

money, she said in a very low voice.

Thats okay, Sally was quick, Ill take Dads credit card. He wont mind. She held out her hand to hermother who stared at her. Hey, Karl is coming over in a few minutes, could you get it for me please?


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Glazed and stunned, Lilith moved to her bedroom slowly and then came out in a couple of minutes witha plastic card. Sally whipped it out of her hand. How about $200, say? Since, it was all As. Lilithnodded and then slowly settled down to the sofa.

Sally grabbed her purse and stuffed the signed report card and the credit card inside. She pulled out a

lipstick and looked at herself in the hall mirror as the sound of a car horn beeped outside. She put onlipsti ck and with a final flourish turned to smile at her mother. Just what you always wanted, Mom,picture perfect everything. With that she turned and waltzed out the front door.

The light was fading from the day and Lilith didnt bother to turn on any of t he lamps. She just sat andstared, mouthing something.

Later, her husband found her there in the same spot, crying. Lilith, Lilith dear. What is i t? Is somethingwrong? He grabbed her and pulled her up.

Lilith was still crying and then sobbing. Finally, the words that had been trying to come out all day, got

out. My little girl, she sobbed, my little girl. Whatever happened to my little girl? Her husbandrocked her back and forth.

It was June and warm and Sally was out in the garden. The six months had passed and she knew it wastime for her to receive her visitor again. The biggest problem that she had had was trying to find a hairshop to do her hair the same way at a reasonable price. She had found one place and was still dickeringwith the owner to get the price down. You have to realize girlfriend, the owner had saidcondescendingly, its streaking over a perm. It has to be done very carefully or the hair will burn. Shehad quoted Sally $100 a pop to do the hair once every 6-8 weeks. Sally could afford it out of herbabysitting money; but it was still a lot.

She was still dating Karl and had a number of really good conversations with him. Instead of being acompletely hopeless jock, like some of the guys on the team, Karl had proven to be one amongst manywith a real brain. I always like d you Sally, he told her one evening over ice -cream. I used to watchyou when you came to your brothers games.

So, why didnt you ever ask me out? she wanted to know.

I dont know exactly how to describe it; he looked a little embraced. Its just, well.

What? she wacked him playfully on the head.

You just didnt seem to have any confidence in yourself. I mean, just not any, he finally spit out. I justthought maybe you were still too young and maybe had to grow up some, or something. He stoppedtalking with a sort of pleading look on his face.

Its okay, she told him, you were right, I didnt have any confidence and I did need to grow up. Sheleaned over and gave him a little kiss on the nose. He smiled at her.


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Sally waited in the garden at almost twilight. She had awaited this day, this meeting with apprehensionand some dread. However; a part of her was glad to have the thing over with. The horrid Algebra II classwas over and finished with. She didnt have to take any more math or French either, for that matter, to

get into college.

Mr. McGruder, after nearly driving himself mad trying to figure out how Sally was doing it, finallyaccepted her explanation that he was a really good teacher and made the most complicated problemssimple. Madam also seemed, reluctantly, to accept that she was just a really good teacher and let it goat that. She didnt seem to want a ny more explanations than that.

Dan had gotten in tight with Karl and had made his coveted position as goalie for the team.Whatever,Sally thought, its his life.

Sally was still basically friends with the same girls as before the change. The cool girls had made a

little effort to land her on their turf and when she didnt respond; they moved on to other fresh kill.

Tonight Dan was out with his new girlfriend, Silvie, and at her insistence, her parents had gone out todinner. There had been a sh ift there too. Sallys dad seemed to be taking a more assertive role inrunning the family. After Lilith had stopped starting and staring each time Sally came into the room, herentire tone and attitude towards her daughter had seemed to change. Respect would be the rightword, thought Sally to herself.

Sally saw the now familiar twinkling of little lights that grew and grew until a shape appeared and pop!out came her Fairy Godmother.

Sally, dear, how wonderful to see you. Oh, you look marvelous, really! She gave Sally a big hug. Tellme everything, Im dying to hear. Godmother fluffed a new do; she was wearing acid green today withthe hair, nails and the low sheen on the new leather pantsuit all matching.

Sally was so relieved to be able to tell someone what had really been going on. It was like a weight offher shoulders. She talked and talked and talked. It seemed like for hours. Godmother listened andnodded.

Finally, Sally ran out of breath. Godmother looked up and said And, your mother dea r, what abouther?

You know, Sally smiled, I dont think I will be having much more problem with her. She laughed alittle thinking about her dad shuffling her mother along to the car; giving her a little wink as they wentout the door.

Godmother smi led at Sally and said, No, I dont think that you shall, and she placed a shin y acid-greenfinger tip on the end of Sallys nose. Sally thought she smelled vaguely of green apple today.


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Tell me dear, now that its basically all over, is there anything , well anything you would want to changeforever if you could? She looked thoughtfully at Sally.

Ah, Sally replied. Hum. She thought for a minute. You know, I always really, really did want curlyhair.

Godmother smiled and pulled out her wand.

JI HAN GOES TO CHINA

He was adorable. Really.

Jihan looked at himself in the gyms full length mirror; first over the shoulder at his back side and then tothe side. He flexed the pectorals and was satisfied to see them pop out a bit. Looking good, no doubtabout it. At twenty- five, Jihan was 510 and 185 pounds of pure muscle and bone and not an ounce offat to be seen.


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He pulled his baseball cap low over his shiny black eyes. Yah, good. He smiled at himself and hisincredibly white teeth all sparkled back at him. Ah well; time to get back to exercise class. Got to getthose middle aged ladies into some kind of shape. He chuckled to himself; those women just loved him.Kind of a shame wasnt it; only so much of him to go around.

Jihan (Ji to his friends) went into the big exercise class and the women came streaming in, grabbing theirmats as they came. Soon the class was filled to capacity and Ji started his slow yoga routine at the frontof the class. Thirty sets of eyes glued to his every movement, they started their stretching routine.

Later, after this class, ladies would line up to gush all over him and tell him how much they loved hisclass and how good it was for them. Ji was appropriately humble and smiled and laughed. In turn, hewas sure to tell all of them how well they were doing and how much it improved their appearance! Afew of the ladies would giggle and steal glances at themselves in the wall to wall mirrors and everyoneleft happy.

At the front desk, Ji was surrounded by fitness magazines of happy models in scanty outfits all bulgingwith unbelievable excesses of muscle. Thats where he sold the protein powders to the young wantabeswho were trying their best to buff up. Yes, Ji was a popular guy. Unlike most K orean men, he neitherdrank nor smoked, pretty unusual really. He took his fitness seriously.

Ji had graduated the year before from a local college in maintenance engineering a degree that had todo with running factories efficiently. His minor, of course, was his first love; physical fitness training. Jiwas not from a wealthy family and had put himself through college mostly by working at the gym andgetting school loans. His wife, Yumi, had helped out with her job as a hair dresser.

Fortunately, or unfortunately (his feelings changed depending on the day,) they had been blessed with abrand new baby boy. Having a boy was very important in this culture and Ji proudly showed the babyoff. If he had needed one more thing to prove his manhood, here it was. So, Ji and Yumi had just abouteverything a young couple could ask for, they loved each other and now they had little Min.

However, when the gym was quiet and the gaggle of chatty women had cleared out for the day; Ji hadtime to sit with his thoughts which werent so good.

Ji absolutely loved what he was doing at the gym; in fact, he would have done it for free if asked. But the job of a fitness instructor did not pay that well. Maybe if he were in one of the big fitness clubs in Seoulwith personal clients; but not in this more domestic, smaller town. He had thought about moving butboth his and Yumis famil ies were here and the grandparents helped out a lot with Min. So when Ji was

not busy, he was a bit preoccupied.

They were living in a tiny mat chbox of an apartment now and could only afford it because Yumisparents helped them out. What with the babys equipment, they were practically falling over each othernow; what if Yumi got pregnant again? What would they do about the hospital bills? Ji and Yumi werestill paying off the last one.


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Ji had been trying to get jobs in this area but the economy in Korea had gone into something of a slump.Being young with absolutely no factory experience, Ji was competing with even younger guys who justgradu ated from big name universities. Things werent looking so great. Ever the optimist and positivethinker, Ji would pack up Min at the end of his shift and jump on his little motorcycle to zoom on homefor dinner.

There was a middle-aged man that started to come into the gym in the evenings who wanted help withhis weight training. Ji was happy to oblige and got the man on a fitness schedule and created a file forhim. Mr. Jack, as he called himself was happy with the results and with Ji and started asking himquestions about himself.

So, when did you graduate?

Well, it has been a year and a half now, Mr. Jack. Ji replied.

Ah, the degree is getting a little stale, Mr. Jack shot back helpfully.

Ji looked down, embarrassed. What could he say? He had been trying.

Not to worry, Mr. Jack slapped Jis massive shoulder. I might have something just for you.

Ji looked up expectantly.

I do sales work in China and have a bunch of contacts with the factories over there. How do you feelabout moving to China?

Jis mouth fell open. He was really just a small town Korean guy; the thought of going to China had neverentered his mind.

Think about it Jihun, Mr. Jack winked at him, youre not getting any younger and that baby is going toneed money for sc hool and supplies. Ill leave you my card and you call me if you want, okay? Jackgave Ji another friendly pat as he got off the stationary bike.

True to his word, Jack left his business card at Jis desk as he was leaving the gym.

Talk to you later partner. Jack did a l ittle hand salute and left.

Mr. Jack had a disconcerting way of interjecting little Americanisms into his speech on a regular basisthat had Ji scrabbling for his American Phrases dictionary. Today Ji just waved back and glumly st ared

at the little business card clutched in his muscular hand. He felt the cold wind of change dancing on theback of his neck.

Ji thought and thought and thought. Then he looked at little Min, then he thought about the stack ofbills at home. Yumis par ents were so good at helping them; still, he just hated taking money from them,it made him feel like a l ittle kid and he didnt like it. Plus, the more they helped out, the more Yumismother felt like it was her job to tell Ji how to raise the baby and run the rest of his life. Although this


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was an entirely Korean thing; something about it just rubbed Ji wrong and he was rapidly getting sick ofher help.

Ji stared at the business card a solid week and then seemed to come to a decision. He took the cardhome to talk to Yumi.

The next week Ji made the phone call to Mr. Jack and received a hearty congratulations about makingthe big decision. Ji wasnt feeling that hearty, more like a little sick, but told Mr. Jack in a positivemanner that he happily awaited to hear more from him.

Three months to the day, Ji, Yumi and little Min were in a brand spanking new apartment with all themodern conveniences. There was a microwave, an oven, washer with racks to dry the clothes. Also, ithad a brand new frig, inter net cable, an elevator that worked and a tiny little childrens play yard outsidewhere they could take Min out to play and get fresh air. Ji could hardly believe his luck.

Of course, the transition had not been easy. Yumi, when she got over the initial shock of just what Jihan

was suggesting to her, cried and screamed for at least three days. They couldnt leave Korea, theycouldnt, they couldnt. Jihan had to put on his very calmest voice to talk her down. The baby cried withall this and they talked and talked for hours. Jihan pulled out the bills from the hospital, the bills on theschool loans; he pulled out their bank book and showed Yumi his pay. He added everything on paper forher. She cried harder knowing what he was saying was true. They were never going to get ahead likethis. Finally, head hanging, defeated, Yumi silently nodded and agreed with Ji. They would take the joboffer and go to China.

If Jihan had thought Yumi was bad, she was nothing in comparison to the grandmother. Oh My God! Hethought the old woman was going to have a stroke, really, he worried about her. Finally, Ji gathered hislittle family up and left the grandmother to her husband who just looked at Ji with sad eyes and saidnothing.

I think that hurt worst than all the screaming, Ji thought to himself as he was putting on his newcotton shirt for work. The company had given Ji a week of transition time to get settled into the newapartment before he was to report to work as a production assistant.

Ji was extremely proud to show his own parents the acceptance letter from Big Dog manufacturingconcern in Wuxi, China. A Joint Conglomerate of both American and Chinese Technologies, theletterhead read importantly. The letter was in English so of course Jis parents couldnt read it. They toolooked at Ji with sad eyes, but as the first son in their family to ever graduate from college, they had

long since taken a back seat in his life. They didnt have nearly the kind of money that Yumis family had,so they were in no position to argue and took in the news with gloomy acceptance.

Ji and Yumi had used the public transportation system that was so conveniently located next to theirapartment to go shopping for clothes for Ji. The company had very generously given Ji a relocation


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allowance too (unbelievable!) and they had run out with the money to shop for business clothes for hisfirst day on the job.

Brushed and groomed to within an inch of his life; Yumi picked some imaginary lint off Jis new navy bluesweater and took another swipe at his shoes which already were so shiny she could see her own face.

She handed him his lunch, anxiety written on her face.

It will be okay, he reassured her. I will be fine. Giving her a little peck he hurried outside to catch hisride to work. Big Jim from Texas was picking him up for his very first day.

Howdy, partner! Jim almost shouted at Ji. Glad to have you aboard! And slapping Ji on the backpushed him into the van with the rest of the crew, a bunch of chattering Americans and Chinese all offto work at Big Dog.

Big Jim showed Ji around the plant which was an impressive sight; all steel and chrome and concreteeverything. Ji was fairly goggling when they were done with the tour. Finally, they came to a little bay of

cubicles clustered on one side of the floor and Big Jim (All these Americans seemed to have nicknames,Ji thought to himself,) showed him one with his name on a tag.

This one be yours partner, he boomed. What do you think?

Ji was astounded. His own name, at a desk, that was all his? He felt like crying.

It is very wonderful Mr. Jim, he managed to squeak out.

Fine, fine, boomed Jim. Ok, now Shin here, Jim waved at another li ttle Asian guy. Hes from yourcountry too, and since you speak the same lin go, hell be showing you what to do. Comprende,Kimosabe? Jim looked at Ji who had no idea what he had just said.

Shin whispered something in his ear. Oh, yes, Mr. Jim. I understand, thank you so much! and Ji made abow to Jim. Jim looked at him and th en finally did a teeny li ttle bow back. All righty then, you be seeingthe big dog, Curtis himself after lunch, he indicated over his shoulder as he was walking away. Shintherell show you the office.

Ji had to have Shin translate again as the lingo was getting ahead of him. Shin handed Ji a notebook.Take notes on everything you dont understand and then we will go over it later. Ji nodded his head upand down. These Americans, they talk very fast and are hard to understand and the Chinese are w orse!

Ji felt a little wave of panic sweep over him. Shin, patted his muscled shoulder a bit, Dont worry, theyare really very nice once you get to know them. Ji clutched the blue notebook in his fist.

Shin showed Ji around the plant some more and started to tell him about his duties as quality controlmanager; the place seemed to have endless lists posted everywhere with dates, times and signatures inlittle boxes. However, Ji felt a renewed sense of confidence realizing that all his schooling was comingback to him and he had a sense of what they were doing here.


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Ji wasnt exactly sure what all this meant but would talk to Shin later, meanwhile he just nodded hishead.

However, we got good reports on you from our man Jack in Korea already and we think you gonna fit in just fine.

The man was talking so fast and with the accent, Ji was having a hard time keeping up, but he just smiledand nodded again.

Curtis paused, and then stared at Ji. Ji was getting nervous and started to sweat. What? he worried.

Jihun, Curtis spoke so suddenly, Ji almost jumped. Yes, sir, he replied, like he was back in the Army.

Jihun, Curtis came forward and flecked a finger at his shirt. Is that pink I see on your shirt? Ji andYumi had been very proud of their find of short sleeved shirts for Ji that nicely showed off his bulgingarm muscles. These were the latest in fashion.

Ji looked down nervously like he had never seen the shirt before and had to nod in the affirmative.

Jihun, Curtis was saying with his Texas drawl, aint nobody at Big Dog what wears pink to workexcepting the women and that aint necessarily encouraged. Also, do I see a rhinestone on that collar?Jihun was speechless.

Nobody at Big Dog ever wears them any rhinestones ever, excepting the women and that would be atparties after 5pm. Do you get my drift son?

Ji cast about wildly in his mind for what Get my drift meant and could come up with absolutelynothing. So he just nodded his head intensely up and down.

Now I want you and that little wife of yours to get into town and get you some regular, long sleeveshirts like everybody else here wears. You can get two colors; white for regular days and blue for causaldays.

But the heat sir, Ji unfortunately heard himself say.

When it is hot, we roll our sleeves up and put on the air conditioner. Right son?

Ji could have bitten his tongue off for speaking so he just nodded more.

Ok then, get yourself on out of here and get those shirts and come on back tomorrow dressedappropriately for the job. Curtis moved back behind his desk and sat down. Ji stood there. We aredone son, you may go. Curtis picked up some paperwork and started reading it.

After a momentary pause to process, Ji turned and nearly ran out the door and down the stairs. If hehadnt been moving like a rabbit, he might have heard the soft chuckling sound coming from behind thefrosted glass door.


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At the bottom of the steps h e had to stop and hold his hand to his chest, his heart was pounding. Damnshirt! He was furious with Yumi, this had been her idea. He wanted to rip the shirt off and tear it toshreds.

On the way home, his usually good-natured self came back. It had been both their decisions to buy

these stupid shirts, he was just glad they still had money in their account to get some more.

The next day, Shin and Mr. Jim conspired together and got Ji on the assembly line supervising thewomen who were doing parts components.

Youre just their type, Shin said to Ji knowingly.

Truer words were never spoken; Ji with his massive build and soft-spoken manner was an instant hitwith the ladies. They didnt speak Korean and he didnt speak more than a few words of Chinese, buttheir cheeks glowed as Ji walked by with his clip board and gave them words of encouragement.

As predicted, Ji did fit right in. As a likable guy, he was already well versed in the art of hail fellow well-met which was a lot of what went on on the factory floor. The woman needed to be fussed over a bitand to feel appreciated by their bosses and in return; they worked their little fingers to the bone.

Ji made sure that little niceties like cups for water at the cooler were always there. Also at break, he gotthem little free packets of tea and mixed flavored coffees that they all loved. He made a point to bringin Chinese pastries once a week for a special reward. He found that his customer service training waspaying off.

The three months went by in a flash and he was a little nervous when Big Jim called him to his cubicle.

Nice job Ji, Jim slapped his back (he was always doing that.) You have made it past probation and yournumb ers on your lines are looking very good. Is there anything we can do for you?

There was one thing. Big Jim showed Ji into the company sports training room. Ji looked around. It was atiny, cement room with a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling. There was one stationary bicycle,one tread master and a few odds weights, no mirrors. Ji looked at the ensemble dejectedly.

This is it? popped out of his mouth.

Fraid so son, Jim boomed. Company talking about upgrading, but havent seen it yet.

Ji nodded and thanked Jim.

Later, he started to come into the weight room by himself to work out every day. It wasnt much but itwas something and he was really starting to feel out of shape. That feeling made him get cranky withYumi and Min and he didn t like that feeling. So, tiny room or not, he got downstairs daily.


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Pretty soon, he was hitting up Shin and they were both getting down there together to do sometraining. Ji got his mother to send him some of the old magazines from the gym and he got a li ttleplastic table and put it by the door and two plastic chairs so he and Shin could sit and relax a bit beforegoing home. Ji showed Shin how to buy the right kind of shoes for jogging and they found an area at theoutside of the factory where they could do a couple of laps.

Big Jim saw them doing this one day and called them over.

Whats up with you two? We not working you hard enough, you got to come out here and run aroundtoo?

Shin explained to Big Jim that Ji had been a fitness instructor in Korea before coming here for this joband the big man nodded his head and looked thoughtful.

It was Korean Thanksgiving time and Ji was due for his first vacation time off from Big Dog. Big Jim washappy with Jis production numbers, that probably meant C urtis was too, (nobody asked) and things

were running smoothly at the plant. Ji was studying Chinese on his off time with Yumi and was able tocover the niceties and communicate a few words to his line-girls.

The girls (some were in their 50s) still og led Ji and several were marvelously disappointed to see hiswife come to their company picnic but they still managed to adore Ji anyway. He was pretty cute.

Ji and Yumi were off for a week to see their parents back home and Shin took them to the airport.

There might be a couple of changes when you get back, Shin whispered in Jis ear. Ji looked a littlealarmed. Nothing to worry about, Shin put his hands up defensively. They gave each other a hug andbow and said goodbye.

When Ji got back to work, Big Jim walked up to him at break and said that Curtis wanted to see him. Jigot an immediate sinking feeling in his stomach. He started to walk up the stairs when Jim said No thisway, and led the way downstair s. Shin appeared from nowhere with a little smirk on his face.

Big Jim led the way downstairs to where the tiny gym had been. Ji was upset to see that his blue plastictable and chairs were gone. Darn it! Shin got in front and opened the door and Ji stepped in and hismouth dropped open.

In place of the little tiny room that had been there, the walls had been knocked out and a large, well-litand fully equipped gymnasium had appeared. Ji walked forward in a trance and began to touch the new

tread masters and stationary cycles lovingly. H e couldnt believe it. He started to wander down theroom and stopped to turn for a second; the entire back wall was all covered with huge floor to ceilingmirrors. He saw himself reflected back to himself and almost cried.

Well what do you think partner? Curtis had come up and had a grin on his face. Up to your Koreanstandards?


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Its beautiful, Ji managed to choke out.

Well, we took your example to heart and thought that maybe you could help out here a few hours aweek. Get some of these flabbies i n shape. Jis heart began to sing.

Just at that very moment, two Chinese staffers came in and got on the stationary cycles. They were bothsmoking. Ji stiffened and was about to walk over to them when Big Jim laid a hand on his arm.

Steady partner, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Shin, Big Jim and Curtis all laughed. Finally, Jiwas laughing too.

ACID RAIN

Your love is like acid rain,

and me with no umbrella.

It pours down and rips the

flesh from my bones.

It seeps inside my marrow

and destroys me.


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I am on my knees

before it.

Did I say?

I love the rain.

THE SHOES

She stared and stared at my shoes.

I looked down at my feet; leathersandals with blue, rhinestone straps.

My fresh pedicure winked back at me withthe gold sparkle polish.

I looked back at her. Now her head was hanging

way down like she was thinking.

"If I could just have the shoes, it would all be okay."

I looked away; she made me uncomfortable with hershabby clothes and dirty hands, holding the handle of the old


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metal shopping cart.

It was filled to the brim with stuff; flotsam and jetsam, boxes and bagsin all mis-matched colors and styles. They matched her clothes.

Her head hung down so you couldn't see her eyes.

I glanced at my Seiko watch to check the time; didn't want to belate for that hair appointment.

She had on an old visor, stuck in her hair that mostly hid her face.I readjusted the ear buds on my Apple I-phone four.

I didn't want to look at her and share her shame; irresistibly myeyes were pulled back to her riding on this crowded subway.

Why so many bags and boxes? Ah, this is her house that she carries with her.Of course.

She blends in here, with all the other people, all going somewhere.She looks like anybody else.

It's when she leaves here and goes up to the street;that's when she has to become someone who hassomewhere to go, someone to meet.

But there is no one and nowhere. Just the street.

I check my lipstick in the mirror in my handbag,the train is slowing down.

Time to get back to my life.


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NUMBER TWO GIRL

Looking down,I noticed the shoes.Very sparkly with lots

of rhinestones,four inch leather heels."Little early in the day isn'tit?" I think.My eyes travel up, nice legs,good outfit.


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It's our turn to have some fun;let's take back what was ours once.

We'll dance away that big full moon

and anon,aye too soon, the dawn will comeand by its light,

we go back to our rest and then,another year til it's time again!

MURDER IN ASIA

I had seen better times and worse times.

However; I had a little money in the bank, my bills were paid and no one was screaming the house downfor money. My needs were taken care of and it had been some time since I could say that. Surprisingly,this overseas teaching bit seemed to be working out.

I had gotten a breather from the high cost of living in the US and a rest from the funeral dirge that wecall news telling me how everything, everything was going into the shitter.

Anyway, it was nice being away from the States, the economic slump and endless finger pointing. I hadsettled into my life with a tiny studio apartment, bathroom and tinsee kitchenette. I started to feel like Icould live here forever.


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Problems began to emerge from the American teachers. To say we had a real assortment of soup to nutswith this group was an understatement. The Americans bitched and complained and moaned andgroaned about how it wasnt like home and they dont do it like this in the States, etc. etc. etc. The

complaining was only topped by the endless rounds of drinking, hangovers, colds, illnesses and trips tothe hospital. In some ways the teachers were fragile, out of their comfort zone.

Rising up from this rather formidable group of misfits, was a tight little cluster of besty friends whohuddled and clutched together in gossipy, whispering bunches. From this mire emerged three very bestyfriends; two gals and a guy that were nothing less than scary.

What to say? Amber (Blondie) the leader of the group was fat and fuzzy. Regarding her clothing; shespecialized in knee high leather boots, sweaters and short skirts that emphasized her really voluminousrear. She reminded me of a vixen from Cabaret. Being of German extraction with real blonde hair , Icould picture her, dominatrix style, with a little whip, leather cap and one booted foot resting on a chair,waiting for customers.

The other two I called Pinkie and the Brain after the cartoon of the same name. In the cartoon, Brainwas the genius and Pinkie was the idiot and every week they came up with a new plan to take over theworld. Right, just like here.

Pinkie was a fluffy concoction of bleached blond hair, cheap, uncomfortable high heels, tight skirts andlow cut blouses. Her best feature was her face and she specialized in radiating brilliant toothy smiles ateveryone, irrespective of the circumstance.

However, she also had a repertoire of deep and sincere looks of apology whenever she was unable toaccommodate your requests which was usually most of the time. Let it never be said that she didn thave your back as an administrator at the school and she wasn t working hard to take care of you.


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I could often hear the three of them talking and whispering in the back of the bus as we made our wayto school. When the Brain let loose with some particularly noxious remark, Pinkie would giggle her littlecat-like giggle. She would curl up around the Brain like an old married couple and purr. I wasntimpressed. Blondie would bark in laughter and a happier group never was.

The Brain on the other hand, rarely bothered with the niceties unless the administration was visiting. Hewas the clown, the buffoon, the jokester, the cynic, the critic, the sarcastic one. The Brain lived for thedelight he got in putting other people down and into their place. He loved to watch others and to catchthem with their pants down and then announce these failings and gaffs to anyone listening.

One day I made up In and Out signs for the stationary door because people kept walking into it. TheBrain switched the signs because it was so funny and then laughed when people tried to go through the

locked door. One of my best friends laughed himself sick in spite of himself; that Brain huh?

The Brain worked his magic with one of the Asian women administrators and got her thinking he was allthat and a bag of chips. After he got promoted to trainer, a job created just for him and not requiringany of those long, laborious, tediously expensive degrees the rest of us had, the worm began to turn.

At the opening ceremony, Henrietta, the Asian staffer, made some announcements and the Brainlistened carefully. When it was his turn to get the microphone he ran with it. Oh, Henrietta, that was sowrong. Oh no , no, no..Well, that won t be the first time.

His remarks became more and more vitriolic. One night we were waiting in the cold for a bus to show upand when it finally did, it was too small for us to all fi t.

I could hear the Brain . Oh Henrietta, you lied to us the last time about the bus too. Ashamed, sheshook her head unable to speak or respond.

Brain announced often that he never bothered to lock his door. This is Asia, he would say. What canhappen? I guess that worked as he waltzed back and forth with a parade of dates .


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I grabbed Pinkie and pulled her forcibly out of the apartment. Her face was a frozen in terror with bigblue eyes staring wildly all around. I closed the door and grabbed her by both arms.

Angela, Angela, I said. Stop, stop, stop, giving her a little shake.

People were piling out of their apartments looking to see what was going on.

Stay here, I told her. She shook her head numbly. Dont go back in.

She shook her head no.

I ran to the manager s office on the bottom floor and waving wildly at the cigarette smoking fool whoworked at the desk, I finally got him to understand he had to come with me now. He fumbled andfumbled with his slippers and locking the door. He looked at me in a dazed fashion like he couldn tbelieve his presence was required anywhere.

I dragged him upstairs and pushed him through the door where he stood staring stupidly. I made a handgesture to indicate telephone.

Police, police, police, I kept saying to him. He nodded his head but didn t move. I got behind him andpushed him out the door. He kept looking back at the bed.

We got downstairs where he fumbled with the phone like he had never used one before and finally gotthe phone call made. There was a lot of conversation I couldn t understand and hand gestures thatseemed to go on for a long time. At last, he nodded and hung up the phone then waved in the air withhis cigarette that they were coming.


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I went back up to the second floor and gathered up Angela and asked her where her apartment was.Since we never socialized, I didnt even know which one she lived in. She indicated it was on the thirdfloor and I got her on the elevator and back into her apartment.

Her apartment was an assortment of all things pink and fuzzy to include kitten plates on the walls. Itappeared to be the well decorated abode of any 14 or 15 year old girl.

Fits, I thought to myself.

Angela, do you want some tea? I asked her. She looked dumbly at me like she had forgotten how tospeak.

After a minute she nodded her head and I rummaged around in the cupboards looking for teabags and acup. Finding a pink one with little flowers on it I started the water to boil.

I sat close to her not knowing what to say. It wasnt like we were really friends, cause we weren t; farfrom it. I managed a little tentative pat on her knee. That was about the best I could do.

She sucked in some air. Hes dead isn t he? Now, I am no expert on these things, but the fact that theBrain was dead did seem to be pretty apparent.

I think so, I replied.

She sucked in some air and started making a sort of choking sound.

Oh no, I thought, Here it comes. Just at that moment, there was a brief knock on the door andBlondie came rushing in.


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Angela, Angela, she grabbed her friend and the two of them started sobbing together, rocking backand forth.

I got up and started backing up toward the door. They d idnt appear to notice me. I got to the door,when through it and closed it behind me. I let out a gasp, incredibly grateful to be out of the room. Iknew I should go down when the police showed up but I gave myself permission to go put on regularclothes before that happened and people started asking questions.

What happened the next few hours and indeed the next few days was a blur of just that; questions,questions and more questions.

I suppose I became the subject of so much inquiry because my apartment was above his and the policeseemed convinced I must have seen or heard something. I had to repeat to them over and over that Ihad heard something like banging but that it seemed like wind and trees bagging on the side of thebuilding.

What came out of weeks of this circular discussion was that there were no leads, no fingerprints, and nowitnesses to anything. No one had a single clue as to how this had happened other than that the doorwas open and the murderer was able to simply walk in, stab the victim and walk out. The residents ofthe apartment rarely spoke or interacted with each other and the hallways were frequently empty.

Life started to go back to normal at the school and we went back to our usual lives. A detective, Lt.Chung, was assigned to the case. He was a youngish man, very sincere, who spoke very good English. Ispoke to him several times; he was soft-spoken, unassuming and dressed in regular grey/black streetclothes.

Apparently, he had some sources on the police force tha t allowed him to do some digging into theBrains pass in the States where he came from. Some years earlier the Brain had been involved in a veryserious auto accident where he was almost killed. Instead he was left with several very deep scars on hisbo dy. When asked about the accident hed just say, I dont remember anything .

Instinctively I knew there was something wrong with that story.


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I was shocked. Not only to find out how the accident that had left the Brain with so many scars hadoccurred but that someone had died too. Wow!

The police, they investigate and want to charge Mr. Clifton with murder. But they finally decided he notlegally drunk and called it manslaughter instead. He shook his head again. These Americans, they suchfools, he concluded.

I couldnt much disagree with that statement.

So then when Mr. Clifton get out of hospital and pay fines, he leave the United States and come here.He looked at me seeking to find the logic in the whole thing. I couldnt think of a thing to say.

I talk to my captain. I want go to United States myself and see the records of the accident. Maybe takewife and daughter on little vacation. He winked at me. I gaped; I had never had an Asian wink at mebefore. I think Lt. Chung had been watching reruns of Colombo on TV.

A few weeks went by after this conversation and I was so busy with classes and lesson plans all thoughtsabout what Lt. Chung was up to escaped from my head. I was therefore, a little surprised to see himhanging around in front of the apartment again, this time alone, having a smoke. It was, coincidentally, just the same time I got home off the bus from school.

Ah, Mrs. McGinney! he said as though he were actually surprised to see me. You are here.

I had to smile.

I wanted to talk to you a little just, he said. Not here.


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Reluctantly I invited him up to my tiny little apartment. Thankfully, I had a tinsee little living room with acouch that he could sit on and I could close the slider to my bedroom. I knew that Lt. Chung was a veryhappily married man, but still, I kept ge tting these vibes from him. I couldnt tell if he was just beingfriendly or what. I dumped my heavy bags down and made a run for the bathroom and came out andput the tea kettle on.

Coffee? I asked. Always the ceremonials.

Thank you so much, he re plied and I got out two cups. He seemed brimming with good news as Ihanded him his cup.

It is all okay, he announced. We go! I was lost.

United States, he said gleefully. My wife and I and baby girl, we go to California.

The light dawned. Ah, yes, I replied. your vacation!

Yes, yes vacation, but added somberly, a little work too. I looked at him.

I will go to Arizona to talk to the family of the young man killed in the accident with Mr. Clifton. Thereis, as you Americans say, some thing not right here.

I nodded; surprised by his astuteness and also the amount of American TV this guy must be watching tobe picking up on these phrases.

May I write you the email if something interesting comes up? he asked.


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Again, I was a little uneasy. Somehow I was feeling like a boundary was being crossed here into mypersonal life. I struggled with my answer. But finally, he did seem so sincere; I finally agreed to let himhave my school email. I gave him a business card.

Thank you, thank you, he said so enthusiastically I felt ashamed to have distrusted him.

I must go now, he said standing up abruptly. We be in touch. He thanked me again for the coffee,we shook hands and he left.

I couldnt but wonder about this guy and how much he was like the TV Colombo; particularly thatdogged persistence.

Another two weeks went by and although I hurried home everyday looking for something from theLieutenant; there was nothing.

Life had gone on, as they say. Pinkie had gotten over her near hysterics from the day of the murder andBlondie had finally gotten over the sniffles but was still looking very sad, like her brother had beentaken. I guess the Brain was, in a sense, her brother.

Finally, as the spring was upon us and the never-ending Asian winter was coming to a close, I got aclipped one-line message from the Lieutenant.

The young man, he had a sister. Younger, maybe 15 years, signed Very Goodly Yours, Lt. Chung.

What the hell was that supposed to mean, I thought to myself? I racked my brain and could come upwith nothing. The young man had a sister? Ok, and? I was forced to pull up my reserves of patiencebecause there no other answers forthcoming from the Chung.


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I wrote him back asking what he meant and he replied by telling me how great Disneyland was andmaybe they move to USA. Great!

About ten days after that, when I was yet again making the trek back to the apartment from the bus,laden with bags, I pulled up short in front of the apartment building.

What I saw first was two cop cars with their wig-wag lights flashing in front of the building and the doorto the managers office wide open. I stared and looked around and spotted the Chung auto -car off tothe corner. I hit the elevator to go upstairs and as the doors opened, Lt. Chung was looking at me.

Mrs. Smith, he cried and gave me a hug. You gave me such good advice for my trip and we have

wonderful time!! He beamed at me.

My mouth was hanging open.

He sai d Just a minute, please, and leaned back to talk to the beefy cop behind him. I stepped aside asthe two moved into the foyer babbling to each other in Korean.

Finally the Chung turned to me and said I see you in your apartment in few minutes, yes? H eimmediately turned around to the cop again and they walked off together. Having been thus dismissed Igot into the elevator and rode up to my floor. What else?

Thirty minutes later, I was sipping a diet-coke, in my jeans and slippers with my hair pulled up in a ponywhen there was a knock on the door. I opened to see Lt. Chung.

I come in? he asked as he started to walk in the door.

Ah, sure, I replied stumbling backwards. I went through the same coffee drill but today he didnt seeminterested.


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You got my email? he asked. He knew I had, I had replied to him. He looked at me as thought that onesentence should explain everything and only a dolt would not clearly understand what was going on.

Yes, I did but. I didnt have a chance to finish before he was waving my comments away like theunimportant nats that they were.

The young man, he had a sister, yes? he looked at me expectantly. I stared at him. He cleared histhroat and continued. She was younger, maybe 17 of your American years at the time of brothersdeath. They were very close.

I wasnt getting it. I looked at him and nodded with what I hoped was an intelligent look on my face.

The sister, she was very, very angry at brothers death and the decision of police and legal sys temagainst Mr. Clifton. She not thinks it right, not fair, he continued.

Ok, I said, and?

He gave me a condescending look.

After the accident and arrest and hearing, they bury her brother. She graduated from high school andwent to college ther e in hometown. I was still not putting anything together.

He looked at me triumphantly, like he had just discovered the cure for cancer and leprosy all at the sametime. She studied to become a teacher!

Dimly, the pieces were starting to shift into place.


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She got her teaching degree and applied to become teacher here in Asia! I sucked in my breath insurprise

She got a job at your school!

Who, who.? I started.

Caroline Crisswell! he said quietly.

I sat there stunned. I couldnt believe it. Caroline Crisswell? Cute, little, blond bouncy, cheer-girl typefrom Arizona, Caroline?

But, but... I fumbled. The name of the kid in the accident, you told me was different. It wasnt thesame name!

Then he smiled that special smile at me. He t apped his head knowingly. Those Asians!!! Differentfathers, different names.

I gaped some more. Where, where?

She is gone, the apartment is empty. Everything still there except for one large bag. Her mother, who Ispoke to in Arizona when I was th ere, must have told her. Lt Chung nodded almost as though he agreedwith the mothers decision to tell her daughter what was up.

I still Dont understand I was trying to say.

Yes, yes. said the Chung. The young man, Dennis Cleary, he was having affair with Mr. Clifton andthey went everywhere together. The sister she feel like the death was a murder not an accident and she


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never get over it. She graduated from school with the teachers degree and hunt down Mr. Clifton. Nottoo hard, they from sa me small town in Arizona, know many same people. Mr. Clifton not hard to find.

She find out what school he working at, apply to same school, and in Asia not much experience needed,she get the job. Mr. Clifton not really know her as young man and girl not live in same household and henever saw her except at funeral. Girls, you know, they always change the hair. He sighed.

So, I interjected, remembering seeing the Brain and this girl together, talking and laughing over somesilly thing.

She gets to know him here, gets into the same apartment complex and finds out from Clifton that he

never locked his door. ( Its Asia, he would say, brightly, what can happen? )

Exactly, so as you say, replied Chung. She ready with knife she took from school kitchen. She waits forreally bad weather when lots of noise outside and wind, so nobody be outside. She goes down to Mr.Clifton apartment, when she knows he is drinking, maybe she even gave it to him and when he liesdown, she stabs him in heart. She goes up backstairs that nobody takes and goes to her room and actslike nothing she knows.

I thought back to that wild night; as a matter of fact, many of the teachers in the building had comedown to the Brain s apartment to see what was going on, except . Caroline. She had not been there andthe next day she said she was such a heavy sleeper she hadn t heard a thing. . .

Wow ! was all I could say. But where is she now?

Lt. Chung looked a little sad. She has left by the airplane, but no doubt, we find her and bring her back. He seemed to feel personally bad about that. Some part of him seemed to feel that justice had beendone and that the young woman had only done what was right and shouldn t be punished.


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He pulled himself up a little officially and said, We will start to look for her first thing tomorrow. It is alittle late.

Tomorrow! I almost cried. My American sense of justice was rising up. I stopped myself and shut mymouth. He looked at me, I looked at him.

Hey, you want to see the pictures from my trip? and with delight he pulled out his brand new, boughtin America camera. I went to put on the coffee.

Conversation With The Muse

"Hey, how's it going?" she asked me.

"I'm ok," I said, "I'm a little surprised to see you here."

I was on the second floor balcony, away from the party. It was a large, half-moon shape and I must nothave seen her come out.

"I was in the neighborhood," she replied. She had a bit of a pout on her face. "You sent me away for along time you know."

"Yes, I know," I responded reluctantly. "I've been busy."

"You're always busy, always have an excuse!" she spat.


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"I'm been trying, I have been doing much more writing this year," I pleaded.

"Yes, I will admit, that's true. That is probably why I'm here at all. I thought you were calling me backagain. "

"Well, I have been," I stated with a little more confidence.

"But, oh so many years with nothing, nothing," she moaned at me.

"I had things to do!" I was pleading again. "They expect so much from me!"

"And you could have said no, you know that."

"Well," my voice trailed off. "Aren't you a little cold out here in that flimsy dress, i t's New Year's Eveyou know?" Her long dress was a flimsy, jade green color. Little sparks seemed to fly off it when shemoved.

She stared at me. "Don't change the subject. Look at what has happened to your brother. He sent hismuse away and now he can't find it anymore. Hes a mess !"

"Do you think that is what is wrong with him?" I queried.

"Hum," she replied tartly, "isnt it obvious?

"Oh," I murmured.

"You," she pointed at me, "you are afraid," she said, "you're afraid and can't admit it. Just say you're

afraid!"

"I, I, well, well..." I stammered.

"It's no shame; it's okay to be afraid. Everyone gets afraid from time to time. But, the thing is you can'tlet it stop you, you have to keep going." She spoke imperially with a wave. Gold sparks seemed to trailoff her hand.

"You're right," I replied weakly.

She turned and walked away a little, then turned back. It was chilly out here. The cold white balconysurface was framed by the curved black wrought-iron railing. She trailed a finger over its surface; Icould hear faint music from inside. Was her brown hair getting curly? It reminded me of one of thoseGreek statues.

"Take those criticisms and stop acting like a baby, you never were any good at grammar, you knowthat!"


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I just nodded glumly.

"And besides, when are you going to paint again?"

"Well, this place I am living in doesn't have much room....."

"Excuses!" she yelled. "You always seem to have room for another pair of shoes!"

There really was nothing to say.

"What did Hemingway say?" she demanded.

"A writer's job is to write," I quoted.

"So, are you going to argue with the Big Guy, the Old Man in the Sea?"

"Ah, no," was my only reply.

"Well then, the job of the writer is to write, the job of the writer is to write," she repeated it like amantra. "I hope the next time I see you there will be a better report."

"I, ah, I, ah....." I couldn't think of much to say.

"Remember," she said, "don't forget me and I won't forget you." Her voice was getting fainter.

"I won't forget," I promised, "I won't forget." I willed it to be true.

The muse faded away to a few sparks and I was left alone.

"Better get back to that party," I thought to myself.


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HE DOES SHE DOES

She buys some shoes,He buys a truck.

She gets a romantic album,He gets a stereo.

She gets mad and eats chocolate ice cream,He gets mad and pounds on the other guy's window.

She gets sad and stays in for popcorn and movies,He gets sad and goes out for beer with the guys.

She gets happy and tells all her friends,


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He gets happy and tells his dad.

She falls in love,He is thinking about it.

She says 'I love you,'He says, 'ah, ah, ah, ...'

He falls in love and wants to do everything for her,She is not impressed.

He moves heaven and earth for her,She yawns and buys a magazine.

He says 'What can I do?'She is still thinking about it.

He knows he will love her forever,She knows she will be able to live without him.

They separate and he gets angry,She gets really busy.

She finds someone new,He plays poker.

One today theyll get together again, and talk about all the things they had in common.


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To all my readers; I want to tell you I had a follow-up visit recently by the Muse and she told me I wasdoing a much better job. However; the race was definitely not run and to keep at it, no excuses. Alrightthen, that said, this is the latest. CEW

after the girl grows up

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