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Over-­‐Scheduled  Kids:  How  Much  is  too  Much?  By  Kendra  M.  Thornton,  PCC-­‐S  

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  In  1939,  a  Childhood  Education  report  complained  about  the  decline  in  leisure  caused  by  an  increase  in  organized  activities.    In  1981,  more  than  30  years  ago,  the  same  message  was  repeated  when  David  Elkind  published  his  book,  The  Hurried  Child  (Vanderkam,  2009).    Over-­‐scheduled  kids  are  by  no  means  a  new  issue.  Studies  have  shown  sharp  declines  in  the  number  of  conversations  that  children  have  with  family  members,  the  number  of  family  dinners  shared,  and  the  amount  of  free  time  for  connecting  (Doherty,  2010).    The  amount  of  time  that  children  spend  playing  and  on  unstructured  outdoor  activities  is  on  average  12  hours  less  a  week  than  children  spent  20  years  ago;  while  the  amount  of  time  children  spend  involved  in  structured  sports  has  doubled  over  this  same  period  (Rosenfeld,  2001).  If  a  child  starts  playing  basketball  at  an  early  age,  he  or  she  will  have  played  between  300  and  500  games  by  the  time  they  are  14.    Research  also  shows  that  70%  of  kids  abandon  their  predominant  sport  by  the  age  of  13  (Bigelow,  2001).    Our  kids  are  burning  out,  emotionally  and  physically.  

Today’s  children  are  under  considerable  pressure  to  achieve  and  be  competitive.    Some  stress  is  healthy  because  it  keeps  individuals  motivated;  however,  the  stress  individual’s  feel  when  they  confront  the  normal  challenges  of  life  is  very  different  from  the  distress  that  occurs  when  they  feel  overwhelmed  (Elkins,  2003).    I  recently  counseled  a  sixth  grade  student  who  planned  to  start  an  afterschool  club  because  it  would  look  good  on  her  resume  when  applying  to  college.    This  mindset  is  not  without  repercussion.    Rates  of  depression  and  anxiety  in  American  

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children  and  adolescents  have  increased  over  the  last  fifty  years    Today  five  to  eight  times  as  many  high  school  and  college  students  meet  the  criteria  for  diagnosis  of  major  depression  and/or  an  anxiety  disorder  compared  to  half  a  century  ago  (Gray,  2010).    According  to  the  Substance  Abuse  and  Mental  Health  Services  Administration,  a  division  of  the  U.S  Department  of  Health  and  Human  Services,  anxiety  disorders,  mood  disorders,  and  disruptive  disorders  (such  as  ADHD)  are  the  most  common  mental  disorders  among  children  affecting  approximately  13%  of  children  aged  9  to  17.  

Over-­‐scheduled  kids  miss  out  on  important  childhood  experiences.    First  is  the  lack  of  time  to  play  in  a  natural,  creative  way.    Unstructured  play  allows  children  to  pursue  their  interests,  express  their  personalities,  and  explore  ideas  in  depth.    This  type  of  play  fosters  a  sense  of  self-­‐awareness.    Everyone,  regardless  of  age,  needs  time  to  read,  write,  think,  dream,  build,  create,  and  fantasize.    Hectic  schedules  can  adversely  affect  family  relationships.  Children  need  downtime  with  parents  to  relax,  talk,  play  games  and  just  hang  out.  Extended-­‐family  relationships  may  also  suffer  when  lives  are  over-­‐scheduled  which  deprives  kids  of  a  network  of  social  support  (Elkins,  2003).  

Most  parents  have  good  intentions,  enrolling  their  children  in  a  plethora  of  activities  because  they  want  them  to  have  a  happy  childhood.  Parents  sacrifice  their  own  time  to  make  sure  their  children  are  at  practices  and  competitions.    The  last  thing  they  want  for  their  children  is  to  feel  stressed.    Often  the  healthiest  form  of  parenting  consists  of  an  equal  balance  of  nurturing  and  limit  setting.    This  is  where  feelings  of  safety  and  

“Today’s  children  are  under  considerable  pressure  to  achieve  and  be  competitive.    Some  stress  is  healthy  because  it  keeps  individuals  motivated;  however,  the  stress  individual’s  feel  when  they  confront  the  normal  challenges  of  life  is  very  different  from  the  distress  that  occurs  when  they  feel  overwhelmed.”  

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security  are  rooted.    At  what  point  do  parents  become  guilty  of  too  much  extraordinary  and  not  enough  ordinary?    Kids  can  be  good  students,  good  athletes,  good  at  art,  or  good  looking,  and  still  have  low  self-­‐esteem  if  they  do  not  have  nurturing  parents  and  limits  set  at  home.  Being  the  best  player  on  the  team  does  not  guarantee  a  child’s  positive  self-­‐image  (Bisenius,  2011).  

The  number  one  factor  in  keeping  children  emotionally  healthy,  drug/alcohol  free  and  out  of  trouble  is  the  amount  of  time  that  they  spend  with  their  families  (Doherty,  2010).    What  children  need  most  are  relationships,  not  constant  stimulation.    We  must  focus  on  building  meaningful  relationships  with  our  children,  not  becoming  their  chauffeur  (Rosenfeld,  2001).    We  need  to  spend  time  with  our  children  with  no  goal  in  mind  beyond  the  pleasure  of  spending  time  together.    This  is  confirmation  that  we  cherish  and  value  them.    

To  be  clear,  I  am  not  trying  to  discount  the  benefits  of  extracurricular  activities,  which  have  many  positive  consequences.  Being  part  of  a  team  builds  relationship  skills,  accountability  to  commitments  and  fosters  time-­‐management.    Kids  who  are  involved  show  higher  levels  of  academic  performance,  more  involvement  with  school,  fewer  behavior  problems  and  lower  likelihood  of  taking  drugs  (Doherty,  2010).    Plus,  it  looks  great  on  college  applications.  

However,  it  is  unrealistic  to  think  that  society  will  have  an  epiphany  and  suddenly  realize  the  importance  of  stopping  to  smell  the  roses,  so  it  is  on  us  to  help  children  figure  out  how  to  balance  their  commitments  successfully.    Juggling  a  busy  school  and  activities  schedule  requires  a  variety  of  skills  including  resisting  distractions,  efficient  and  effective  planning,  estimating  time  needed  for  task  completion,  and  managing  multiple  responsibilities  simultaneously.    These  higher-­‐order  thinking  skills  are  known  as  executive  functions  and  the  responsibility  of  the  prefrontal  cortex.    Unfortunately,  the  expectation  of  mastery  of  these  skills  is  inappropriate  because  this  area  of  the  brain  is  not  fully  developed  in  children  and  teens.    In  addition,  these  skills  do  not  exist  automatically  in  all  children  meaning  they  must  be  taught  and  practiced  consistently  (Jensen,  2005).    Maturation  of  the  frontal  lobe  is  a  slow  process  and  may  not  be  complete  until  as  late  as  age  25  to  30.      

Until  frontal  lobe  development  is  complete,  kids  need  parent  support  with  executive  functions.    As  counselors,  it  is  our  job  to  help  parents  understand  this,  but  more  importantly,  give  them  suggestions  about  how  to  support  their  children.    Encourage  parents  to  talk  to  kids  about  breaking  down  tasks  into  smaller  steps.    Parents  need  to  be  sure  children  write  down  ideas  and  plans,  even  if  they  promise  they  will  remember.  Counselors  can  direct  parents  to  always  discuss  potential  problems  and  solutions  before  they  occur.    Parents  and  children  need  to  have  reasonable  expectations  and  not  do  too  much  in  one  day.    This  will  ensure  that  empty  spaces  of  time  are  left  for  processing.    Have  parents  do  a  self-­‐evaluation  periodically  during  which  they  stop  and  ask  themselves  if  they  are  providing  their  kids  with  appropriate  levels  of  routine  and  meeting  their  needs  for  practice  and  repetition.    Most  importantly,  work  with  parents  to  show  the  power  of  positive  reinforcement  when  they  reward  and  praise  successes.         We  all  know  parents  of  over-­‐scheduled  kids  because  they  are  the  parents  of  the  kids  we  counsel  every  day.      You  may  even  struggle  with  this  in  your  own  home.    What  do  we  do  about  it?  Offer  the  families  you  work  with  these  suggestions:  • Set  priorities:  School  should  come  first.  If  kids  have  a  hard  time  keeping  up  academically,  they  may  need  to  drop  an  

activity.  Experts  recommend  that  each  child  be  involved  in  no  more  than  one  or  two  activities  at  a  time  (Bigelow,  2001).    If  your  child  really  wants  to  take  on  another  activity,  discuss  what  other  activity  or  activities  need  to  be  dropped  to  make  room  for  the  new  one.  Discuss  how  much  time  is  required.    Will  homework  suffer?      Does  your  child  realize  that  soccer  practice  is  daily,  plus  the  weekend  games?    

• Create  family  time:  Plan  at  least  one  evening  a  week  where  everyone  is  expected  to  be  home  for  dinner  at  the  same  time,  even  if  it  means  eating  takeout  together.  Schedule  family  fun  time,  too,  such  as  playing  a  board  game  or  going  on  a  bike  ride.    

• Keep  a  calendar  to  stay  organized:  Display  it  on  the  refrigerator  or  other  prominent  spot  so  that  everybody  can  stay  up-­‐to-­‐date.  If  you  find  an  empty  space  on  the  calendar,  leave  it  alone!    Downtime  is  important.    Everyone  needs  a  chance  to  relax,  reflect  on  the  day,  or  just  do  nothing.    

• Model  self-­‐care  for  your  children:  Children  are  not  necessarily  stressed  by  the  number  of  activities  they  are  in,  but  rather  from  the  amount  of  stress  that  parents  are  experiencing  by  orchestrating  these  activities.    Take  time  for  yourself  to  do  the  things  you  enjoy.  You  will  feel  “recharged.”  

Kendra  Thornton  is  a  school  counselor  at  The  Summit  Country  Day  School  in  Cincinnati  and  a  volunteer  for  the  Red  Cross  Disaster  Mental  Health  Services  Team.  She  can  be  reached  at  thornton_k@summitcds.org.