ad diction book and resistance book combined

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Contents

Introduction

General discussion 1

AA 4 appendix 88

The role of anxiety… 11

Powerlessness………. 15

Responsibility………… 19

Belief vs. fact………….. 42

Activating beliefs 53 appendix 78

Resistance…………….. 54

Obedience……………. 56

Moderation………… 59

Linguistics………….. 65

Rational Recovery. 66

ABC of change 67 appendix 87

Activating events. 69

Stages of abstinence appendix 68

Cognitive distortions 79

Cost benefit chart appendix 71

Resistance………… 71

Free will…………… 78

Rationalism vs. Twelve steps appendix 77

Twelve Step appendix 88

Conclusion 93



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RELIGIOUS ADDICTION

The purpose of this paper is to show how anyone, yesanyone can quit any serious habit such as alcoholism, drugging,

overeating, religious addiction and the many other

dependencies that overtake people in our culture. When I

speak of addiction I include all dependencies not merely

alcoholism. The cure, (yes cure) like air and water is available to

all. Primarily, I will apply rationality (reason) to commonly held

beliefs regarding addiction revealing thereby that many of theideas we hold about addictions are inaccurate. In fact it is our

untested beliefs that contribute to our addictions. If we are not

thoughtful our beliefs, as such, will keep us dependent.

Our life-style choices are made in accordance with our world

view and if we don’t like the results of our current choices we

will want to change our thinking. This writing is a road map forthis purpose! It is painful and expensive to tolerate large

numbers of addictions within our culture.

I will explore the role of religion in treating alcoholism and

the other forms of addiction. Religion itself can be an addictive

influence and one would be wise to rethink his/her religious

position.

Addiction is costly in terms of dollars as well as personal

suffering. Indeed, if the churches of America paid property

taxes as they should, the national debt could be eliminated. The

cost of addictions to alcohol and drugs would build at least



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three nuclear aircraft carriers having the capacity to virtually

ensure world peace. Think of the costs such as: jails, courts,

accidents, hospital operation, police salaries, not to mention

broken families and broken hearts. But you might ask can wehumans ever end our addictions?

It is commonly but inaccurately believed that addictions are

incurable and may be merely controlled as is the case with

diabetes. Current lore says “addictions may never be cured,

only controlled.” This reasoning is countered on the basis that

when a condition no longer exhibits its’ symptoms (such as theconsumption of alcohol) we may consider it cured. If a diabetic

ceased to require insulin he would be cured. By returning to

excessive drinking the drinker thereby becomes an addict

again. The point of this idea is to displace the notion that one

continues to be an addict even though he/she no longer uses. It

is contraindicated to think of yourself as an addict even after

you have quit. By retaining ones identity as an addict inconsciousness practically guarantees a return to a pernicious

habit.

Alcoholism is often compared with diabetes as if they were

identical conditions. After a moment’s thought we recognize

that in-as-much as many addicts do quit drinking, yet I know of no report of any person who has given up diabetes. I must

conclude therefore that the two conditions are different in kind

not merely degree.



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Obviously alcoholism and diabetes are two distinct and

therefore incomparable conditions. Diabetes is a condition of

the underproduction of insulin by the islet of langerhans: while

addiction is a “choice” as exhibited by the many that choose toabstain from their consumption. As a matter of fact, contrary to

popular lore many former addicts do manage to moderate their

consumption of alcohol. The common wisdom (lore) claims that

one may not moderate his consumption; his only choices are to

drink or quit (black or white). It is my observation that many

once heavy drinkers have later become casual drinkers.

Moderation may be rare but not unknown! Any single test

that fails to confirm a theory disproves it; regardless of the

number of times it might have been previously confirmed.

Since existing theories do not stand rigorous examination we

need a new theory to account for the incidence of addiction.

Without a sound theory it will be impossible to recognize an

effective treatment.Another problem with the disease model is that it

necessarily implies a medical paradigm. When seen as medical

it thereby promises the possibility of a cure for addictions. After

the addicts accept the potential of a cure they are next faced

with the problem of circumventing the well established but

wrong -headed notion that alcoholism is incurable, but like

Diabetes, only manageable. When the dependent personbelieves “it is not my fault” there is little chance of him/her

doing the necessary and difficult work of quitting. He/she has

absolved her/him self of responsibility.



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Believing that it is an incurable disease he/she might

rationalize that there is little point in even trying to quit. One

had better believe, “I am in charge” because there is more

hope in this approach

In addition there is some confusion around the disease

model; on the plus side of the diagnosis there is assurance that

treatment becomes insurable (by Medicare) as are other

medical conditions in Canada. Speaking from a scientific

standpoint that Doctors themselves often remain addicted,

thereby reinforcing the understanding that there is no effectivemedical “treatment for alcoholism”. There is nowhere else to

go for help. Yet many people do quit drinking and on a regular

basis, and almost always “on their own”.

Think of aliens from another planet overhearing a former

addict saying: I remain addicted even though I no longer drink.

The aliens’ might be confused (or amused) by our illogical

conclusions. If you don’t drink, you could not be addicted!

It is contraindicated to teach an addict that he will be

addicted forever; in fact by doing so it will likely become a self

fulfilling prophesy. It is psychologically better by far to teach

him that if he does not drink he is no longer a victim.

No external force or person can persuade an over-drinker

to quit: it is always an inside job. It is probable that we should

always think of quitting as “on their own,” regardless of their

surroundings it is always an inside job. Many, if not most of



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those admitted to an institution for treatment are sentenced

to the application of old time religion, as virtually all institutions

use the Twelve Steps system. Appendix 88. AA is a program

legally deemed to be religious in many of the United States.

Seven of the twelve steps are religiously dogmatic, calling

for conversion to Christian fundamentalism. Traditional religion

has no efficacious value in ending dependencies—even

Christian Fundamentalists become addicted. Obviously a belief

in the sacred is a personal choice and religion should be seen as

an ideal unto itself, not a means to some other end. Superficialreligion has nothing to do with achieving abstinence. A devout

Christian could remain addicted while an atheist might attain

abstinence easily—it is just not a traditionally religious issue.

Religion however may be seen in a more profound manner that

could give one more power in his/her journey.

Stop reading scriptures in a literal manner and begin to

view them as mythology. These are the stories that pass oneternal propositions about living—not literal prose.

Alcoholism is a belief system or philosophy as are all words

that end with the three letters “ism” such as in the words

Catholicism, Humanism, Liberalism and the like. Given this

understanding of addiction as a philosophy visa vie a person

and alcohol: the effective treatment must be to change yourphilosophical perspective. If we allow ourselves to continue to

believe that addiction is genetically caused or a legitimate

disease we thereby render ourselves powerless over it. Genes

change only slowly; in the order of thousands of years. Thinking



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this way we become stuck because no one could combat the

so-called external causes of our problems. The causes are in the

past not the present.

Words are not realities, but language symbols about

realities. A word such as alcoholism is just such a word it is but

a mirror through we may understand ones conceptualization of

addiction it has no objective meaning of its’ own other than

what we give it ourselves.(Vince Fox, Addiction Change and

choice. Sharp Press)

Any potential cure must evolve from an understanding of the problem, if it is to be effective. It is contraindicated to

merely throw well intentioned solutions at addiction issues. In

the long run we will save time and resources by studying the

cause and potential cures for addictions before prescribing a

treatment. Why don’t we study people who once were

addicted but have now quit?

I’m sure there are some who will criticize my avowed

cultural need for an alternative (to current methods) addiction

treatment. Some will assert that we don’t need an alternate

because we already have twelve steps, cognitive therapy and

the like. They will say AA “works” and has been around for

years since 1935. Bill Wilson Hazeldon Press 1975 and

consequently need not be replaced; to which we reply yes itdoes work—but for a only few, eighty percent of new members

will leave the AA group within the first three months, having no

other place to go. I recommend that if you find a group that

keeps you abstinent stay with it, if it doesn’t work try



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something new, it is insane to stay with something that lets you

down. Don’t keep trying old strategies expecting new results.

Perhaps you could try one of the newer secular addiction

treatments such as SMART or RATIONAL RECOVERY or SOS.These groups do not claim the necessity of religion in order to

recover from any compulsive behavior.

Others will say AA membership is increasing so they must be

doing something right. I respond, noting that a successful

addiction treatment group should not be growing but shrinking;

adherents should become abstinent and get on with their lives.Don’t make a compulsive career of addiction treatment. Since

some members are long term attendees; often for a lifetime. I

suspect that some of them have become addicted to the group

philosophy itself where their every word is an AA word, every

slogan an AA slogan, every friend an AA friend, every romance

an AA partner. There is an endogamous culture among the AA

movement members turning them inward towards themselves.

Jerry Dorsman (How to Quit Drinking without AA) V.Fox pp

63.” Only 10% of Americans with serious drinking problems join

AA., and only 12% remain in the program for three years. The

majority of those who abstain do so, on their own without aid

of groups or isms.

There is a style of patter common among AA membersnamely memorizing slogans i.e. “keep it simple stupid,” or “ one

drink one drunk,” these self denigrating slogans tend to reinfect

group adherents. They are also encouraged to constantly

rehash past trauma which does nothing to lessen their habit.



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Blaming self will only boost guilt and its’ accompanying increase

of alcohol use.

There are valid styles of therapy where victimtransparency is central to treatment. However this genre of

treatment is not simply reiterating repeatedly the dilemmas of

their lives. The talk is beneficial only when it serves to increase

ones awareness of the defensive nature of their war-stories

(and their effects). This destructive chatter turns them into self

selected victims and all that goes with victimhood. There is

another side to the coin of victimization, it is powerlessness.When you reiterate your victimization you simultaneously

accept the condition of powerlessness. Unfortunately this

occurs at a time when you require all of your personal power to

conquer your addiction. Resist any attempt on the part of

others to persuade you to accept the position of

powerlessness.

It is contraindicated for one to stand before his/her peers

and claim” I am an alcoholic” because what do alcoholics do?—

they drink dangerously! Don’t label yourself as an alcoholic as

if that is a summation of your entire self: after all drinking is not

all you do. It also makes no sense to say “I’ve tried everything

and nothing works” it is better to assert I am a person who

drinks; I want to quit but have not “yet” succeeded. Thoughts

like these can keep you addicted.

Or, you might wonder about me (the author), do I really

know about addictions, have I experienced the recommended

remedies or am I an academician who knows, but can’t do! My



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answer is: I have flirted with alcoholism and superficial religious

beliefs for most of my adult almost eighty years and have

learned a few things, such as “how to quit.” While engaged in

this struggle with booze and “isms” I have earned an M.A. and aPH.D. in addiction related subjects, and for six years operated a

secular Rational Recovery (RR) group in Calgary. I was able to

moderate my alcoholism for several years, that is, I drank every

second or third day but now practice total abstinence, but if I

started drinking again today I am confident I could be abstinent

again within a few days, it is like riding a bike, once you have

mastered it that knowledge stays with you forever.

Over-drinkers, in North American societies, such as Canada

are almost universally expected to quit their habits, even

though the drinking related problems, themselves are often

more injurious than the drinking as such. Our culture says

quitting is the only reasonable response to heavy drinking; this

position is biased and not based on previous experience nor onsome rational (scientific working out the pros and cons of

drinking.) Because many people do quit and some even manage

to moderate their consumption.

We recognize that total abstinence the best answer for

some people, in both their long and short range prime interest.

On the other hand I see nothing wrong with someone saying

I’m addicted, but I don’t consider it to be a serious problem. If

this sentiment rings true for you, I advise you to work on what

you see as your real problems first, continuing to drink until

future evaluation settles the issue for you. Increasing your guilt



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level will militate against quitting and not help your attempt at

abstinence.

In their excellent book “the stages of Quitting a habit”appendix pp 82 Prochaska et all say “stage one of quitting is

precontemplation where one merely considers quitting. Stage

two is making a plan to quit how and when. Step three is

actually doing the deed. Step four is how best to spend the free

time once you are finished with the time consuming habit. The

beauty of dividing the problem into manageable chunks is (like

eating an elephant)[one bite at a time} giving a focus on onesmall piece of the puzzle at a time.

What is this addiction dilemma? In Latin “a dictum”

translates into “say yes, “one might think saying yes is a simple

and harmless expression, harmless that is, until we load it with

unwarranted semantic meaning (dogma) that it doesn’t have

justifiable inherent merit. Our culture has both true and false

notions about alcohol dependency; these notions form the folk-lore that many of us mistakenly accept as facts, even when they

are contradictory, and contraindicated. One obvious truth is

that the only power that alcohol has over us is that which we

give to it ourselves; the alcohol itself is virtually powerless over

our psyches. It is we alone that possess the actual control

through the use of our code of belief.

Dogma is any belief having insufficient evidence of support:

A few of the most prevalent dogmatic addiction related claims

include:”personal powerlessness,””genetic etiology,” “addiction

as disease,” “addiction as manageable but incurable,” and last



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but far from least the necessity of a “Higher Power” to ensure

abstinence, or as some people misguidedly say “sober”. They

use the word sober; even though one could take a drink and

still be sober-he could not however have a single drink andremain abstinent so why not become abstinent. The list of

semantically loaded ideas goes on and on, each with the

potential of becoming self fulfilling prophesies for the believer.

These dogmas may well prove to be iatrogenic (treatment that

causes the ailment) assumptions that contribute to the

maintenance of our destructive habits, as I will show in this

writing. The most practical way to solve any problem is to first,completely understand it, along with its entire range of

nuances. This can be a very difficult task as there is often a

plethora of opinions regarding addictions, leaving us with the

question “why do I do it” Our more basic puzzle still remains

unanswered, ie how can we differentiate between opinion and

fact, or sound and poor opinions. The well respected American

sociologist Fingarette in his excellent book Heavy Drinking said“almost everything we think we know about addictions is

wrong!” Any effective treatment plan should evolve out of our

understanding of the problem, and not just selected randomly,

too often addicts rush into some treatment mode by default

before gaining a clear comprehension of their personal role in

the issue of alcohol dependency. Perhaps they accept a one

size fits all treatment method, accepting a treatment mode out

of hearsay only: instead of from understanding. The uniqueness

of the problem requires individual consideration, the one size

fits all idea won’t work with either shoe size or addiction



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treatments. The scientific method is the best way to separate

fact from fiction.

Science advises us that the route to truth is to first form afalsifiable theory, and then test the known conditions against

that theory. For example if the treatment industry claims that

addiction is a disease you have to ask how this claim can be

substantiated, where is the evidence of support, can it even be

tested?. If the claim cannot be formed into a testable theory it

does not qualify as a truth claim at all; it is merely an opinion,

and like other opinions: is equal in logical value to opposingopinions. Similarly the claim that addiction is or is not a disease

cannot be tested without first agreeing on the meaning of

disease otherwise the truth of the matter cannot be known.

Recognize that Doctors themselves remain addicted, thus ruling

out the possibility of any effective medical treatment. This is a

popular idea in the book (The Diseasing of America Stanton

Peele) particularly when large numbers of people have joinedvictim centered therapy groups usually paid for by governments

and insurance companies.

Too often we convince dependent people that they are

incurably diseased: that only serves to confirm their

dependency. While this dependency may superficially help to

moderate their guilt it can’t help anyone quit their habit. If we

have not learned how to moderate our feelings of guilt andshame, we will continue to fear the challenge of this condition,

and other, risky notions. The language we use is important in

curing or maintaining an addiction.



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Another contentious term present in many definitions is

the world “cure”! By using the medical word “cure” we imply

addiction is a disease. When an addict becomes convinced

she/he has a disease it not only absolves her/him of responsibility for his/her drinking, as well it infers the possibility

of an externally positioned cure. We tell our employer “I am

sick and therefore cannot come in to work today”, thus we

imply: I’d “like” to come in but am unable to do so due to my ill

health. Once we use the excuse of sickness for avoiding work or

school it is offered as an uncontrollable variable; thereby

absolving ourselves of responsibility, but in fact, if we chooseour actions then we are responsible for them. This can’t be

avoided!

My paper adheres to the following dictum: first understand

the problem, form a theory, then test it to determine if there is

support for it, or is it repeatable? That is not to say that all truth

can be acquired through science; it is just that no truth can befound without it, IE. Obviously nothing can both be and not be

at the same time! Such as: there can’t be a loving God who

refuses to help his children. Even today’s scientists cannot

seem to convince each other whether the planet is or is not

warming. This gives the lie to the infallibility of the scientific

method.

Another necessary idea to understand is the meaning of some pertinent and formative language. For example; what is

anxiety? When I examine my own anxiety I describe it as

feelings of fearfulness, similar to worry or nervousness, a

feeling of negative (sometimes positive) excitement, and



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include other similar symptoms such as: shortness of breath,

tension, tight muscles, perspiration, and tiredness. Not

everyone experiences anxiety in the same way. To some junkies

it is preferable to its counterpart-“boredom,” to others it is afeeling of unease that they will go to great lengths; including

dependency on alcohol or superficial religious conversion to

avoid. There are those who only rarely experience anxiety but

when they do seem to remain relatively untroubled by it. Still

others will go to extraordinary effort to displace it substituting

other activities, such as anger, depression, stress and

unfortunately too often with an addiction to drugs, belief systems and/or alcohol.

By pairing anxiety with drinking we create a track in our

memory that will be easy to follow in the future. Suppose you

pair anxiety and drinking a thousand times that pairing

becomes a default habit that will prove to be difficult to

overcome.Elegance is another concept to get clear on, many wrongly

believe that it means pretty, but an elegant solution to a

problem has the properties of neatness, completeness,

simplicity, ease of application and precision, It is a complete

answer not merely an ad hoc or limited solution often made in

haste; and with too little support. So in successfully ending an

addiction we will want to seek an elegant solution, that is, onethat takes into consideration all the variable contributors to the

problem. Variable responses to dependencies include the many

and diverse human responses to which people turn in an effort



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to avoid anxiety. Alcoholism (and other obsessions) are but

symptoms of anxiety!

It is clear to me that few will quit an addiction until theanxiety of drinking is greater than the anxiety of quitting.

Achieving this state of mind is the inside job you will want to

accomplish in order to empower success. Think of ways to bring

about this equation: increase your anxiety about drinking and

decrease your resistance to the act of quitting. While you are at

it consider this; the more often you go through the quitting

process the more proficient you may get at it, assuming you donot dissolve into feelings of hopelessness at your inevitable

temporary failures.

Almost certainly addiction has some physiological aspect

to its etiology; and is not simply an idea in our mind. Whatever

the cause of addictions, many habituates have a history of

giving up their dependencies when conditions are right. For

many, perhaps even most, addiction is partly genetic, but isprimarily caused by the mind-altering language we use that

gives power to an otherwise benign desire to drink. For

example consider the difference between “wanting” a drink

and “needing” one; “wanting” is a most benign desire while

“need” is direr by far. The word “need” magically transforms a

simple “want” into a powerful “necessity” with its’ concomitant

increase of destructive anxiety. We all have “wants” that raiseexpectations moderately, but a “need,” on the other hand

increases anxiety exponentially, which in turn exacerbates ones

urge to use some chemical (alcohol) or belief or behavior (fight



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or flight) which according to past conditioning has been self-

prescribed to reduce those feelings of anxiety.

Low Frustrating Tolerance (LFT) is a major contributor tohigh anxiety. No one can live on this planet and fail to

encounter frustrating circumstances from time to time. You

can even become anxious about your anxiety, saying things like

“I can’t stand being this anxious.”Some of us however are very

sensitive to these feelings of frustration, while others seem

more able to cope with it. Following are three important and

related causes of anxiety.LFT is only a habit and may bemitigated with some effort.

Most human frustration is encountered around his

attitude towards the following three issues; first, the unfairness

of the indifferent world, second, our inconsiderate friends and

lovers, and lastly, the self talk about our own personal

shortcomings. I will address these three ideas along with their

causes and cure later. This is important as it is the key toabstinence.

Studies reveal that a high level of apprehension (fear)

works against rational behavior, but we don’t need a study to

know this is true. The student writing an exam performs better

with a mere modicum of anxiety, while high anxiety renders his

thinking function scattered. High levels of anxiety confuse us!The harder we try to recall something the higher our level of

anxiety, the higher the anxiety the poorer our brain functions.

Have you ever tried in vain to recall someone’s name; only to



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have the name pop into your mind later when you have

stopped trying so hard?

It works like this; when we demand something (booze) it isthe demand, as such, that creates our stress. When we are in a

demanding state, our frustration level goes up, and according

to our established custom we attempt to reduce it in whatever

way that we have become accustomed I.e. booze, anger,

depression, prayer, over eating etc. When you have coupled

anxiety and alcohol consumption, many times it becomes a

habit or dependency, your body begins to expect it. It will seemvirtually automatic that when anxiety is perceived alcohol use

will suggest itself. It is like the saying; “all problems look like

nails when your only tool is a hammer.” Once we are aware of

this we can intervene in our thinking process the appropriate

juncture.

Anger and the other emotional reactions are also functions

of this anxiety. We habitually choose our defenses and reflexesas a response to stress. Begin to think of your emotions as part

of your customary response; as that will empower yourself for

the big choice later. Anger is a habitual response and

unnecessary at that. Pay attention to the point of decision and

notice when you get angry and what is going on in your mind.

Take responsibility for your responses. Remember that when

you are angry you are not your best problem solver. It is betterby far to pretend to be angry you achieve the same results but

stay in your right mind. Ross



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I hesitate to begin this discussion with a definition of

addiction for two reasons; first, although here are several

incompatible definitions, and there are many others that

depend on the unfortunate attachment to semantically loadedterms such as “disease” “genetic causes””powerlessness” and

the like. Therefore I will avoid offering a definition and attempt

to approach addiction from a strictly rational perspective. I

judge these definitions as unfortunate because these and other

related terms (so called wisdom-{lore}) have the negative effect

of adding to the persistence of the problem. Suffice it to say

that if one wants to quit drinking that is motivation enough byitself, therefore working from a definition is unnecessary.

Although it is not one of the traditional definitions, I am

convinced that addiction is a response to the emotion of

anxiety. No matter how often, how profoundly; or how much

alcohol we want, if we wish to quit that’s’ sufficient to begin,

after all we are in charge of our own lives.

Whatever the cause of addiction it is obvious that many

people do quit; while yet many others choose to moderate

their use, usually over time—without group or guru.

For example, by convincing an addict that he is powerless

over his habit we thereby discourage him from doing the hard

work necessary to achieve abstinence. As well, if he is

convinced that there is some “supernatural power” in the worldthat will intervene with the successful functioning of his life he

is likely to await that divine intervention rather than get busy at

the task of changing himself. Both of these beliefs are

dangerous to someone in the process of quitting any behavior



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such as a self-destructive habit. He /she would be better to

believe “if it’s to be its’ up to me” because, at least that will

place the responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the

individual; where it belongs. These and many other commonlyheld beliefs about addictions are examples of iatrogenic

treatments The most effective strategy is to teach the addict

that he can successfully quit or moderate excessive drinking, as

have thousands of others. This may be accomplished by

memorizing motivational poems such as the following, reciting

them often.

If you think you are beaten you are!

If you dare not, you don’t

If you want to win, but think you can’t

It’s almost certain you won’t.

Responsibility implies an obligation to justify oneself to

those who have been affected by some action of ours. There is

no question of “taking” responsibility, whether or not we

“take” responsibility, it is ours, irrevocably. When one

recognizes and accepts “responsibility,” he/she is placed at the

centre of decision making instead of being a peripheral

innocent victim. If one chooses to drink he/she is therefore

responsible to answer for it. If over-drinkers were clear on this

point, they would necessarily be facing the inevitable

ramifications of having chosen their damaging lifestyle thus

putting them in charge of their lives. Consider the following

logic: you have only two choices either use or quit, by refusing



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to quit you have thereby chosen, (by default) to continue to

use--stop thinking that you can avoid taking a stand and get

away with it. It is your dilemma and you are on its horns.

Responsibility is the key to the universal bullying problem

as well. When we observe someone being bullied we have an

obligation to intervene at least to go as far as we can. Short of

risking life and limb we are responsible to speak up on behalf of

victims.

Believing that it is an incurable disease, he/she might

rationalize that there is there is no point of even trying to quit!He/she would be better to believe, “I am in charge”.

In addition there is some confusion around the disease

model, on the plus side of the diagnosis insures that treatment

becomes insurable (by Medicare) as are other medical

conditions (in Canada), but speaking from a scientific

standpoint Doctors themselves often remain addicted therebyreinforcing the understanding that there is no effective medical

“treatment,” and no other place to go to get help for

alcoholism. Yet many people do quit drinking on a regular basis,

almost always on their own. No external force or person can

persuade the over-drinker to quit; it is always an inside job.

Perhaps quitting should always be considered to be

accomplished “on their own,” regardless of their surroundings—it’s always an inside job. Many, if not most, of

those admitted to hospital for addiction treatment are

sentenced to the application of “old-time” traditional religion,

as virtually all universal institutions use the twelve steps system



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in whole or in part. AA is a program legally deemed to be a

religion in many of the United States. Seven of the twelve steps

are religiously dogmatic, calling for conversion to Christian

fundamentalism, having no efficacious value in endingdependencies—even religious fundamentalists remain

addicted. Obviously, a belief in the existence of the sacred is a

personal choice. Clearly religion should be seen as an ideal end

unto itself, and not as imply a means to some other end.

Superficial religion has nothing to do with achieving abstinence.

A devout Christian could remain addicted while an atheist

might attain abstinence easily--it is just not a religious issue,that is to say, not a “traditional “religious issue. However

religion may be viewed in a more profound manner that will

give it more power in your life. Stop reading scriptures in a

literal way and begin to view the stories as mythology. These

are the stories that pass on eternal propositions about living

not to be read as literal prose.

A belief in fundamentalism will not end an addiction! A

definition of fundamentalism is as follows: 1.the inerrancy of

the Bible (it can have no errors). 2. The Bible is read literally

(not metaphorically). 3. This is a literal belief in the actuality of

resurrection of the dead and eternal life. 4. Belief that reveled

“truth” is as good as or better than reasoned positions. 5.

Intelligent design; that says since the human eye is so complexit must have had a designer. 6. God created the world in six

days vs. the theory of evolution. The above criteria are merely

unsupportable fantasies while evolution is a fact. There are far

more utilitarian understandings of Christianity than



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fundamentalism. Read the humanist theology of Paul Tillich

where God is ones ground of being not some guy in the sky; the

good life is the activity one engages in to give life meaning. The

good life is described as one where an individual chooses thevalues by which he lives and is responsible for them.

Criticism of ideas is a fundamental right and the basis of

the democratic system. Every belief and fact must be

challenged if it is to be respected. If religious ideas are sound

they can stand up to scrutiny; nothing is off the table. When the

Danish newspapers are threatened for running pictureslampooning Mohamed they must have our support as any

attempt to stifle them cuts at the very roots of our way of life.

I suggest that one of the most useful theoretical views with

which to understand the habit of alcoholism is: if one quits

he/she is cured and if he/she starts drinking again he/she is re-

addicted, you are not addicted if you are not using. If Martians

came to earth, and heard us claim to be addicts even thoughwe are not using at the time they would think that we were

crazy. One may only speculate on the effect this ridiculous, and

contraindicated belief has on the minds of addicts. How can it

be helpful to label one as addicted even when abstinent? That

would mean that I am still a smoker, although I haven’t smoked

in thirty years.

Alcoholism is a belief system or philosophy as are all words

ending with the three letters “ism, “e.g.” Catholicism,

Humanism, Liberalism and the like. Given this understanding of

addiction, primarily as a philosophy visa vie a person and



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alcohol, therefore the effective treatment must be to change

this philosophical perspective. If we allow ourselves to believe

that addiction is genetically caused or that it is, truly a

legitimate disease we thereby render ourselves powerless overit. Genes change only slowly; (in the order of thousands of

years) otherwise we would be able to change the color of our

eyes. We become stuck because no one could combat the

various so-called external causes of our problems, like brer

rabbit punching the tar baby, we become stuck. (Uncle Remus

Stories) This disease reasoning erroneously assumes that the

etiology of the condition is external to the individual, andtherefore beyond personal remedy. I contend that we can only

“respond” to external events, but rarely, if ever, avoid or

moderate them because they have already occurred by the

time we become aware, and exist only in our memories of the

past. Any change that we bring about has to occur within our

“reaction” to those events rather than the events themselves.

An activating event (AE) may have occurred in the past, yet wemay be still fretting over it, and unfortunately that fretting

persists as our present response-namely the response of

drinking. The forgoing is a description of freedom that is limited

to our reaction to events rather than by the events themselves.

Think of what goes on at a sports event; team A scores and only

half the fans cheer, the others boo; it is not the scoring that

causes the emotion but the thinking in the minds of the fans.

Commonplace, but irritating occurrences that happen to

everyone in everyday life are considered “activating

events.”(AE) Other than occasional avoidance we have very



P a g e | 25

little control over them; therefore it is a waste of time to focus

on them for any length of time, many addiction treatment

groups spend their entire meeting time reiterating AE’s from

the past. But it is our reaction to the AEs’ that either irk or aidus! Logically speaking, we must conclude that if it is virtually

impossible for humans to influence the past causes of

intolerable conditions, therefore the best course for us is to

focus on changing our present response to them. This

understanding, though difficult, is our only saving grace as it

points to the only possible access to abstinence--the key

element of this theory. Success may be found mainly in ourreaction to circumstances rather than to the so called “causes”

themselves. It is not AEs’ that cause human disturbance but

rather the cause is our inner thoughts before and after the AE

event.

There are two kinds of responses, rational and irrational:

rational brings about desirable (appropriate) results whileirrational beliefs results in undesirable (inappropriate) results. If

a child is raised in a home where alcohol was used to celebrate

life He/she will probably have a healthier attitude towards its

use. However, and on the other hand, a family that solves

anxiety problems with anger, alcohol, withdrawing etc. is apt to

produce children who behave similarly. But not inevitably,

obviously not all children behave like their parents; somemanage to learn more efficacious ways. My hope in this is that

we can all choose healthier ways to cope with our frustrations.

It is never too late to start!



P a g e | 26

For example suppose someone calls you a rude name, and

during the remainder of the day you obsess about this

experience. The thoughts going through your mind might be

something like “I can’t stand being called that name; she/heshouldn’t have spoken to me like that”. By days’ end you find

yourself in a rage at the name caller and contemplate doing

something about it which increases your level of anxiety as a

result. We have thus chosen our anxiety causing jargon, and

therefore are responsible for our own rage.

It is our response to anxiety that causes us to over-drink,become fundamentally religious etc. Complaints about

activating events’ such as, lack of mothers love or an insensitive

employer, rape etc as the cause of over drinking indicate that

there hasn’t been enough thought given to the

interconnectedness of thought and behavior. Since different

people respond differently to the same event, I conclude that it

is the individual response not the event as such that requiresour focus if we desire to quit drinking.

The mother who cannot (or will not) show love has to bear

the responsibility only for her lack of caring, If however, the

child blames the mother for it, he/she has mistakenly taken

her/himself off the hook of responsibility for her/his thoughts

about the mothers shortcomings. The mother is only

responsible for her own issues and the drinker is responsiblefor Hers/his. Blaming others for our problems may give a

genuine short term comfort, but misguided, as when President

Truman said “the buck stops here—he had it right—the

response is ours alone.



P a g e | 27

This is the good news because if we choose our condition

in the first place, by the same token we can change our current

situation; on the other hand if the problem is externally caused

there would be nothing we could do about it but plea to someimaginary external being for help.

Two children raised by the same parents will display

differences in their behavioral makeup; probably both of them

responded in their own individual ways to the same stimulus.

The destructive responses have to change or they will continue

to influence behavior possibly for years to come, by refusing tochange he becomes a volunteer addict. One person overcomes

a drinking problem while the other succumbs to it, the second

child has somehow accepted the notion that his drinking is

caused by external events such as: personal weakness, other

peoples power over him and/or the unfair world. Obviously,

belief in these so-called causes render him/her self unable to

do anything about it; as he/she thinks that it was the fault of others, but not their own, or their own fault although not

consciously selected.

When I was a teacher in a local jail, the inmates would say

if anyone calls me a “goof”, I have to fight them, it happens

automatically, no thinking goes on, no decision is made, I just

hit. They claimed that when I hear the word (goof) I just hit. I

would then ask suppose it was your four year old daughter,whom you loved more than life itself who called you a goof,

would you still hit her? If they answer no, I would not have hit

her; it would prove the presence of forethought.” They usually

admitted that they would not hit the child; some even



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exhibited pride that their child would assert in those terms. For

the few who felt the need to support their theory of uncaused

or other-caused hitting, they would claim that they would have

had to hit the child; I then asked if they would feel any guilt as aresult of striking her? It is obvious to me that if they felt guilt

for hitting it would prove that they hadn’t had to do it. If they

indeed had no choice there would be no guilt, as no free choice

had been made. This scenario exhibits one more important

evidence that we humans think before we act even at times

when that action seems (to us) to be automatic. There are no

uncaused causes! The act of human choosing, when profoundlyunderstood, permits us to quit any undesirable practice; we

chose our behaviors and therefore are responsible for them.

The main reason for resisting the idea of responsibility is

that many of us have a perverted and elevated notion of guilt;

we think that our guilt is a function of wrongdoing but not so!

Guilt is a result of the things we say to ourselves about ourwrongdoing. IE.A soldier who murders his partner in a fit of

rage may experience more guilt than when he kills an entire

phalanx of his countries enemies in battle; the difference

between these two scenarios is his thinking about his various

victims. On one hand the killing of his partner creates guilt,

while killing the enemy he experiences justifiable pride, he

thinks that killing an innocent person was not justified, whilekilling the enemy is a righteous act; the difference is found in

his thoughts about the events, not the events themselves.

Probably Shakespeare understood this principal as he

wrote “our destinies are found, not in the stars but within



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where the change of direction occurs. Unfair Advantage.( Tom

Miller PhD)

Possibly there will be some who will say that the abovedescription is so elementary as to be trite, they might think “of

course I will have to change my behavior, I’ve always known

that.” The key question is what the nature is and focus of that

struggle, is it the drinking, or is it the underlying causal anxiety.

Pertinent to the second point is the question and what can I do

to improve my chances of successfully quitting. Of little or no

value is the idea of a Higher Power or bottoming out.Experiences such as jail sentence, divorce or being fired won’t

do the trick either, as witnessed by the 83 % recidivism rate of

prison inmates many of whom don’t seem to learn their lesson

the first time.

The two most common reasons given for quitting habits

are money and health, but there are many other contributing

factors. When all is said and done it is always our chosenresponse to the event that determines the outcome.

One persons “bottom” might be an others’ high, so we

would be rash to make universal rules that are supposed to

apply to everyone I.e. (you have to hit bottom before you can

quit). The addict will quit when he/she knows profoundly

“why,” she/he should quit and “how” to do it. Motivation to actis born within this primary knowledge. The struggle for

abstinence centers on changing ones’ thinking about the self

talk surrounding their drinking habit. We are better to accept

the reality of the activating events instead of struggling against



P a g e | 31

them, when we try too hard, it is the trying itself that gets in

the way of a solution. If you are unhappy with your

employment, or personal relationship don’t quit immediately,

first, work with it until the anxiety disappears, then quit if youstill wish. Psychologically struggling against alcohol use will only

strengthen its’ hold over us, strange as it seems, it is our

demand for abstinence as such, that we should overcome. It is

this habit of thinking that gives booze its’ power over us.

Alcohol is innocuous on its’ own! It is our thoughts alone about

it that gives it power. You can increase your tension by trying

too hard to quit: the trying itself works against you; “if yourknuckles are white you’re not doing it right!”

There are few attitudes that have a greater negative

influence over the drinker than that of recording elapsed sober

time; this keeping track of days, months and years of “sobriety”

will only increase stress. There is no perfect length of time after

which one can relax vigilance, and accept the probability thatone may never outgrow the urge to drink: it is more effective to

learn to cope with anxiety. Some of us never seem to forget the

high!

The drinker who magically transforms a want into a need

performs a dangerous mental trick. Humans have many wants

that we don’t expect to be fulfilled. A need however is a much

higher level of demand, and one that will cause anxiety if thwarted, or if there is present a perception that there is even a

possibility of it going unfulfilled. Even when the so called

“need” is satisfied today, one will begin to fret if it will be

satisfied as well tomorrow. The entire scenario is wrong.



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choose what we will do about it (Response [R}). Shall we put on

a raincoat, raise an umbrella, get inside out of the rain or

merely tolerate the situation. All the above are viable choices,

but fretting over the rain is contraindicated. If we don’t like asituation we can always lump it—lumping is always an option.

Or so the ancient Greeks thought ataraxia (stoicism) was the

ideal morality for people who want to achieve peace of mind.

This concept is as valid today as it was then because none of us

gets what we want every time and rejection is a fact of life. It is

smartest therefore for us drinkers to learn to accept

rejection/failure graciously and without stress.

People since time immemorial have sought the “good life”

as a matter of fact this is the source of virtually all questions

about optimum living. One of the ancient philosophers said the

best way to discover the good life was to answer the following

question: would you or would you not commit suicide? If the

answer was no it would imply that he already had some of thegood life. One could focus on these things and minimize the

parts that detracted from the good life. If the answer was yes it

signals insufficient life satisfactions. Whatever your take is on

this question it makes it clear what is necessary for a life to be

satisfactory and points a finger in the direction of what it will

take. Do more of the good things and less of the not so good.

So far I have mentioned only a few semantic addictionreinforcing concepts. Clearly changing the habitual use of

demanding words is the main job at hand it you want to give up

a habit, moderating your self-thoughts, thereby reducing your

anxiety makes any habit easier to quit.



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We necessarily think before we act, and we have some

control over our thinking. Therefore we should practice, yes

practice, changing these thoughts that contribute to our

problem. If you haven’t yet tried the ideas expressed in thispaper; why not? If you understand the concepts but refuse to

do the work you are no farther ahead than a donkey carrying

an encyclopedia, he possesses all that information but fails to

apply it. If he is to succeed, he must deliberately work at

changing his thinking. Either do it or not, it is your life.

If you refuse to try these techniques to quit, it must meanthat you are prepared to tolerate the continuation of your

habit. Possibly for the remainder of your years, or more likely

until your health gives out as there are very a few “old drunks”

around. I have observed inmates deliberately coming to jail

simply to get a temporary hiatus from their drinking and/or

drugging before being released to resume their dependent

lifestyle. On the street this is called “chasing the dragon”,where they compulsively seek to relive the high experienced at

an earlier time. I observe within my own past experience that I

can never forget how good the high felt although I seem to

quickly forget the negative aspects of drinking. I recall

abandoning my resolve to quit often before lunch the next day.

It is possible for a person to profoundly understand “how”

to quit but only shallowly understand “why” He /She shouldapply the learning if he/she wants to succeed. Give up your

procrastination, and simply do it! Set aside some quiet time

every day in which to apply your learning about thought

alteration. Even devoting as little as ten minutes a day will



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eventually get you where you want to go. As a matter of fact

you have spent a lifetime learning these pernicious thoughts,

and it is only reasonable that it will take time and effort to

dislodge them. Continue to drink if you choose (guiltlessly if possible) but be aware of the thoughts that produce your stress

or anxiety. I found it useful to make daily notes on the

dynamics of quitting. Dealing with the causes of (and responses

to) your stress will be the intersection at which to focus

attention during your journey toward abstinence. Perhaps the

following story will better elaborate this example.

This point is illustrated by the following story; an elephant

was being held on a leash by an eight year old girl. He wouldn’t

move as he thought he was being held fast by the child. It

obviously hadn’t occurred to him that a multi ton elephant

could easily overpower a child, and as result of his thinking

remained immobile, held by the eight year old. The actual bond

that held him was his “belief” that he was powerless over thechild and the leash. He could have freed himself in a second if

he’d wanted to but rendered himself powerless to act due to

his own unwillingness to change his thinking. We humans tend

to hang on to our so-called realities in a similar way, our

thinking about such ideas as depression anger and addictions

create the realities by which we live, even when they are

unsupported by evidence. In the same way, for some of usthere might be some kind of perverse satisfaction in retaining

our self image of tragic victimhood. This scenario is like the

person who was “enjoying” poor health. Ask yourself “how



P a g e | 36

many times will I have to complain about the past before it will

improve?”

Clearly, addictions include more examples of humanbehaviors than mere alcoholism or religious dependency. It is a

disorder not unlike obsession/compulsion. Indeed, addiction

includes such issues as food excesses (probably the toughest to

modify), religious fascism, where everyone is pressured into

thinking alike and whose values may not be challenged. Suffice

it to say that any habit that reduces your human potential

should be rethought and exchanged for ideas that expandpotential thereby freeing a mind from the tyranny of impossible

absolutism. Additional compulsive behaviors include smoking,

frequent outbursts of anger, over eating, constant talking,

unexplored religion Etc. The worst habit to have is the one you

currently have and wish to give up. In this paper I focus on

alcoholism as a metaphor for all addictions .The same

reasoning applies to any other troublesome compulsion;typically these obsessions represent states of mind where we

focus solely on our so-called “need” for the behavior (or

chemical) of choice. Obviously we never “need” a drink, we

only “want” one but by using the concept “need” we elevate

the anxiety inherent in the entire scenario.

With a need the drinker begins to think obsessively about

procuring and consuming alcohol, often the second his/her feettouch the floor in the morning. Once he/she has craved this

pleasurable “high” long enough or with sufficient passion

he/she is committed to indulge in that perceived “need”. We

are motivated to secure and indulge in the drug (activity) of



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choice compulsively .The previous scenario describes a sample

of the self talk that one has to change if the habit is to be

overcome. There is no silver bullet that will cure him/her when

shot into the body! The habit will be overcome primarily bychanging ones’ view of the condition, and its causes. Some

people might be able to quit before they understand the results

of their dangerous thinking others may, and this is probably the

most effective route, have to first changing their thinking

patterns.

It is our personal understanding of addiction thatrenders it either chronic, or temporary; allowing us to free

ourselves from it, or remain stuck like a stick in the mud. In as

much as human behavior is partially a function of our

physiological makeup there is undoubtedly a genetic aspect to

habituation but it cannot be a necessary condition, or no one

could ever overcome it-- which they obviously do. If human

behavior was totally a function of genes and upbringing no onecould ever quit, much less moderate, as so many have done. Or

if they did manage to quit or cut back they would be eternally

drawn back to their addiction, like a dog to its’ vomit. The main

point here is we choose our “world view” whether we are

aware of it or not, and it is this world-view that contributes to

the ease or difficulty of achieving abstinence. These views are

self chosen and subject to change indeed “must” change if there is to be a cure.

The good news is that we can change our perception of so

called reality when convinced it is in our own long term best

interest to do so. I will discuss a process of changing our



P a g e | 38

thinking (ABC) see appendix pp 87. Think of the people who,

when diagnosed with lung cancer quit smoking immediately,

virtually without effort, for some it requires something like a

diagnosis of impending death to motivate them. I am convincedthat that smoking is harder habit to quit than alcohol, and

perhaps second in difficulty only to permanent weight loss,

rigid religiosity is also a hard habit to shake. History of addiction

is replete with accounts of people who changed habits and

dangerous lifestyles of a lifetime when powerfully self-

motivated. “You are in charge” through the self chatter in

which you engage. There are others who would rather die thanchange.

Once again we will want to recognize that our focus will be

most effective when working at changing our self talk

concerning three important issues,” ourselves, other people

and the world in general”. If we are angry at ourselves, others

or the world it is best to recognize which one, or two or three’and work hard to “accept” them. Accept them, not to deny

their existence, but to reduce our stress so that we can change

them. Remember that anxiety makes us poor problem solvers.

The traditional belief is that once a person is addicted

moderation is impossible; many believe that once addicted,

drinking can’t be controlled. This thought is affirmed by AA’s

claim that “one drink equals one drunk”. This is a wicked thingto teach a person. Suppose you have been taught this mantra

and now you’ve had one drink—what is your next move? I

contend, on the other hand that this belief is not only false, but

a very dangerous belief to hold, because obviously some



P a g e | 39

people. “Do” moderate their use with age or when they find

themselves in a new more interesting life circumstance.

According to Rogers, Kernand and Hoeltzel in their excellent

book Responsible Drinking ( moderation management) I suggestthe best way to moderate is first abstain for three months then

begin drinking every second or third day. I personally achieved

this routine for over a year before recidivating to daily drinking.

I was ok with this because I could repeat the moderating

process again at a later time if it seemed appropriate or if I

slipped back to previous behavior. Abstinence need not be

viewed as a onetime permanent event, release the belief thatyou must quit forever, although some do, think instead that if

you relapse you will recover easier if you are relaxed about it. A

negative idea to overcome is the dangerous notion that

moderation is merely drinking less alcohol at a sitting while

continuing to imbibe on a daily basis, but there are better

understandings of moderation, such as the one previously

mentioned. Discuss this point with a friend or counselor to getclear on it.

The three causal issues of mental disturbance (lack of

acceptance of self, others and the world) are the most common

that in turn exacerbates problematic drinking. Our culture

wrongly insists that we should feel guilt and shame from over-

drinking, but this belief causes some of us to erroneouslyassume that if we admit to being an alcoholic we thereby have

an obligation to quit. That belief will only deepen our level of

anxiety. Objective thinking tells me that there is no good reason

to experience debilitating guilt, or feel a demand to quit a habit



P a g e | 41

aware of our tendency towards any of these three damaging

emotional triggers to anxiety a friend subsequent drinking.

We might drink uncontrollably for a time and harm ourreputations, but that is no reason to pile on the guilt and shame

thereby crippling our psyche. It is common for folks in our

culture to drink at parties, with alcohol acting as a social

lubricant, but after overdrinking we had better have some

(small amount) remorse and actually do something to avoid

repeat performances, indeed excessive guilt will only increase

your urge to drink. It will be much more useful to manage yourthoughts and resolve to do some of these exercises. At least by

so-doing you improve your chances of avoiding a repetition.

There is no absolutely certain standard of behavior that

causes guilt when breached that can be applied to everyone at

all times. We humans are unique and require individual

understanding of the causes of our anxiety. The notions of right

and wrong are completely man made and as such reflect thethinking of mankind at a point in time, not some universal right

to which we all must adhere. We humans erroneously create

artificial standards of behavior that when transgressed can

cause us to pillory ourselves, and others who are guilty of the

same behavior. We denounce ourselves even when thinking of

performing the so-called transgressions. For example I attended

a funeral recently where the widow was heard to say, “I’m tiredof pretending to be sad over my husbands’ passing.”She had

been able to rise above the social dictum to honor the dead

particularly when he/she is a (supposedly) beloved spouse. Had

she internalized the dictum that one “must” observe the



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societal expectations? Within that social context she had

claimed to be glad he was gone. Her resulting guilt would have

been caused, not by her utterances as such, but by the conflict

with her expectations of “appropriate behavior” around thedeath. Bear in mind that we (those of us who are trying to quit

a habit) will first want an effective method for dealing with guilt

rather than continuing with this destructive largely self chosen

emotion. Let us focus on the practical application of these

ideas.

An effective way to weaken these debilitating self- judgments is to repeat the following mantra many times: “I

accept myself unconditionally, I accept others unconditionally,

and I accept the indifferent world unconditionally.” Notice I am

saying “accept” not love, nor am I saying “you have to accept

someone’s behavior without criticism: what I am saying is only

unconditionally accept the person—not the behaviors. I repeat

these mantras to myself many times each day, particularlywhenever I feel anxious and am tempted to relapse. This

repetition overcomes any tendency to increase anxiety by

complaining about ourselves, others and the indifferent world.

Clearly we and others need not be perfect to be acceptable.

The world “is” just the way it is, there is no other way for it to

be so why not accept it while desiring, but not demanding

increased fairness etc. Learn to accept self, others and theworld, not love it; just accept it as it is. We can still work hard to

change errors where possible when our thoughts are

reasonably calm. We humans have inherent value simply

because we exist not because we have earned it or are perfect.



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If it was otherwise no error prone human would ever be

worthwhile, because our human essence is to mess up even

when we intend to do well.

Words again come into play with the experience of guilt! If

you say “I have to be perfect “at something” you are setting

yourself up for failure in the long run and anxiety in the short

run. Because humans are error prone and unlikely to get things

perfect every time. Even when we do succeed to a high

standard we start to worry if it will go as well next time

resulting in increased anxiety that will, in and of itself interferewith perfection. Perfectionism interferes with successful

abstinence as it raises stress and robs us of any satisfaction we

might experience from a job reasonably well, but never

perfectly done. It is better to do, than to do perfectly! Try to be

aware of the self talk around the quality of your work that

interferes with an acceptable standard of activity instead of

trying to attain perfection.Speaking of language and how it affects human behavior

consider the following “the greatest mistake is to tell an

inconvenient truth” To everything there is a season and a best

time to tell difficult truths.

Most alcoholics are unlikely to admit that he/she has

drunk too much alcohol, but most will freely admit he/she hashad too much trouble as a result of their drinking. Many

humans have the habit of blaming self, others and/or the unfair

world rather than taking responsibility for our own choices. If

we could promise drinkers a lifetime of continued drinking,



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with no resulting troubles we would get many takers. The

“high” is so good that we tend to remember it even when the

rest of our lives go askew; even to the point of death. Selective

remembering allows us to maintain harmful behavior even inthe face of serious consequences. Many addicts swear off

drinking when suffering from a severe hangover, only to quickly

forget their oath when the crisis has past.

This human quality of remembering the good feelings of

inebriation and forgetting the negative, painful side; prevents

us from benefitting from the deleterious results of over-drinking. We would be wise to deliberately recall the

deleterious results, for example, make a list of the downside

followed by a rating (how significant is it on a scale of 1-10, and

read it regularly) (see appendix pp 67) The list should include

areas such as health, money, relationships, work, play,

reputation lack of accomplishments and anything else that

could be considered an unfavorable consequence of over-drinking. If one consistently read this list seconds before guilt

free imbibing, it will have the effect of gradually moving ones’

thinking into a space more conducive to quitting.

Demandingness has the effect of interfering with our goal

seeking processes. If you want to quit drinking first learn to

reduce anxiety around it. Demanding success can cause you to

fail!

Humans have another quirk of thinking that exacerbates

their addiction, that of “overgeneralization”. If I say I “need” a

drink instead of I “want” a drink I’m guilty of



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merely want one) Successful students understand this process,

because when they prepare to write their exams they try to

retain just enough anxiety to be motivated, but not so much as

to be blocked. Anxiety, like a lot of things is better experiencedin moderation. Alcohol is a sure-fire short term remedy for

feelings of anxiety, and as with the addictive horse once we are

accustomed to pairing anxiety with alcohol it can become a

difficult but necessary connection to break.

The list of overgeneralizations is: should, must, ought, got

to, have to, cant’ stand it, need, it’s awful. These almostmagically transform desires into demands that in turn increase

anxiety which interfere with rational decision making and

encourage addiction.

If you were going to fight against boxing champion Joe

Foreman you would not want to be blocked with anxiety but

would prefer to be relatively calm and in your right mind.

Obviously when you are in control of your mind you will

function better than if you were blocked by fear, anger or other

forms of high emotion. This same principle applies with any

stressful decision. High levels of stress interfere with one’s

ability to think clearly. With this in mind increase awareness of

your tendency to over generalize and work hard to stop your

habit, this is the key to quitting any habit! You can do it!

Over generalized statements also interfere with optimum

decision making. An addict misguidedly says “I’ve tried

everything, and nothing works” clearly interfering with his

setting new goals, after all no one has tried “everything.” By



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using these words around addictive issues you will add greatly

to the difficulties involved with quitting. Your addictive habit

will become easier to overcome if you give up these misleading

ideas. It is our misunderstanding of the addicting process thatkeeps us handcuffed.

Catch yourself using these words, and pay your kids or

friends a penalty when they catch you using them. Learn to

become aware of your increased stress after using these

concepts. If you think it is too difficult to stop misusing these

ideas, or that this exercise isn’t important try the following.

Give your friends a few of your hundred dollar bills to hold,

and the next time they hear you over generalize have him send

a hundred dollar bill to a group you dislike such as the KKK

along with a note complementing them on their good work. Do

this and it is my guess is that you won’t lose a second hundred

dollar bill. If you don’t want to risk losing a hundred make the

penalty more modest such as commit to doing something

unpleasant such as talking with your mother in law for a full

hour. I can’t express too strongly the importance of mastering

these decisive details of overcoming the tendency to over

generalize. This exercise is eminently doable compared to

tackling the larger issue of addiction face to face; it is like the

saying “inch by inch anything is a cinch”

Another harmful example of overgeneralization is “I can’t

stand it itus.”The drinker says I can’t stand having to quit

drinking, or go without a drink for an hour. Or I can’t stand

having to deal with the banker, landlord, boss, professor etc.



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these overgeneralizations turn out to be overreactions, or at

least mistakes. Of course you can stand it, you may not want to

do it but you can stand it. You can stand jumping off the Calgary

tower, that is, until such time as you lie crumpled at thebottom. Until that moment you have stood it. We magically

transform “I don’t want to do it” into, “it is impossible

“because” I can’t stand it”. Use of the phrase in this way is

enough to prevent anyone from tackling their addictions; and is

another indication of the doable challenge at hand. Begin your

noble process here at the thin edge of the wedge. Every small

gain over improper use of language will weaken yourdependency and prepare you for the bigger steps to come.

It would be wiser to say I may not like doing this but I

“can” stand it. When we hang on to guilt in debilitating doses,

we are more likely to drink dependently. We would be better to

avoid damning ourselves for avoiding the work. Guilt comes

from our demanding “thoughts” about our actions and notfrom the action as such. It is probably good to retain a

modicum of guilt; just enough that is, to get our attention, but

it is certainly not a good idea to have an overwhelming dose of

it. If you damn yourself for being afraid to talk to your ex wife

etc. you will only increase your feelings of powerlessness; at a

time when you would want to be in possession of all the

personal power you could muster. It is an inside job!

We find this unwillingness to face up to troubling issues,

present within the psyche of many over-drinkers: they either

put off difficult tasks or manipulate some other person (spouse)

to face them in their stead. Self incriminating self talk, or over



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generalization only reinforces this tendency to put off the

difficult tasks. It is obvious to me that the task of quitting

drinking has to be faced ultimately, one way or another.

Successful quitting requires that you had better be ready toapply the necessary effort: or pay the price of a continued

addiction. Most people who have quit smoking went through

the quitting process on an average of eight times, before finally

succeeding, so why not view each time as one step closer to the

goal—instead of a failure. Remember your glass is half full!

If drinkers fail to recognize this human necessity of doingthe work, they thereby transform themselves into “volunteers”

for suffering and not victims “of” life! They give up their

autonomy! Little by little these people have made many small

choices that allowed them to avoid responsibility. This prevents

them from feeling the “pain” of living imperfectly in an

imperfect world in the company of other fallible people. This is

a good definition of the concept of dependency.

A clear sign of irrationality is to expect an irrational person

to act rationally. Stop being surprised by unexpected behavior!

The surprise exists only within your mind.

A commonly heard phrase for drinkers to say is “I wasn’t

feeling any pain.”As an ex drinker myself I can testify to the

truth of this claim. Heavy drinkers experience much of theirdaily life as psychically painful. Their frustration often worsens

if they lack coping skills that allow them to face the normal

vicissitudes of life. Drinking alcohol or becoming fundamentally

religious or any of the other isms, constitutes some of the most



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common and effective ways of avoiding psychically painful

stress. As such, it works in the short run, but in the long run it

militates against peaceful feelings, and tends to increase

dependent drinking patterns.

Demandingness is a dangerous mode of thinking because

when we are demanded of, either by self, or by others we tend

to resist the demand; sometimes even resent it. In Particular,

we resist when those making the demand lack the authority to

do so. Many, if not most of us dependent persons prefer to be

persuaded not commanded. It is contraindicated to ordersomeone to quit drinking, because many times it is the

demandingness as such, will only increase anxiety and thereby

simply enhance the urge to use.

Consider the negative effect of an addict saying “I’ve tried

everything, and nothing works” the unspoken part of his

expression is “which it *should+ have done.” It is by adding the

“should” that we convert a benign observation into a”demand”. It is clear that this sort of self -talk will militate against

a person’s intention to quit. We would be better to say

something such as “nothing has worked yet;” rather than I’ve

“got to” quit. Whatever rationalizations we employ to ease the

emotions about our drinking habit matters; self talk influences

future behavior. Words are important.

By demanding that living conditions must suit us in this

authoritative way we imply the existence of some absolute

standard of life by which we humans are ostensibly measured.

This can’t be true because different standards of living prevail



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within different cultures, and if there was some absolute

standard of behaviors all cultures would function according to

the same values. Obviously they don’t, there can’t be and

there isn’t.

I remain unconvinced that “absolutes” of any kind exist

anyplace on the planet, other than within some minds, yet

many continue to operate their lives as though there existed

such an absolutistic universal standard. The most common

example of an absolute is two plus two equals four, but clearly

this so called “fact” is a product of human thinking, without ahuman mind there would be no ordinary mathematics, music,

or religion and the like. Propositions such as two plus two

would no longer prevail without human thinking as even God

had to exist before human beings. When it is claimed that God

created the complex world it begs the question of who (or

what) created God? We could not render the whole argument

meaningless by saying God creates himself indeed if the humaneye demands a creator on the basis of its’ complexity then god

will be even more complex and therefore must have had a

creator using the same logic. This supports the notion that

reality is dependent on human thinking; otherwise we would

have a “dependent absolute”-- clearly an oxymoron. What a

thing is depends on who looks at what.

If there is such a thing as an absolute it would have to be

named God who as the mythology of the Bible tells us existed

before and independent of humans, therefore could not have

depended on human thinking. That power is claimed to be

omnipotent, knows the past, the future, and wants only the



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highest and best for his creation. One should examine the

forgoing to see if it matches your understanding of the existing

world. My take is that if there is a god it has to be indifferent to

human concerns. Justice and love are most likely to come fromother people instead of some Higher Power. It makes no sense

to have a Higher Power that won’t (or can’t) lift a finger to

protect the innocent. There exists no objective evidence of a

Supreme Being intervening in human affairs.

A humanist is one who brings reason to every question;

especially religious values. Clearly, possessing imaginary friendscan lead one astray, particularly if you think that imaginary

friend can and will act in the world to protect his other

imaginary friends. This view of the world colors ones’ attitude

between yourself and alcohol. This ambivalence is the basic

source of an addiction! Don’t overlook it.

I will now take up the idea of God in the role of curing

addictions. It is a subject that has to be brought up as seven of

the twelve steps ask for a conversion to a fundamentalist

religion. The notion of God has to be examined as it is the key

to breaking any addiction. I ask: has God any necessary place in

the treatment of habits? Could a devoutly religious person not

be severely addicted, while an atheist might abstain relatively

easily? It seems to me that a non-believer might be able to

control his habits as well as any other. A large percentage of

new AA members give up their membership quickly and give as

their reason: I can’t accept the necessity of an imaginary God in

the role of sobriety.



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AA has tried to deal with this conflict by saying “fake it till

you make it.”Obviously this is not an honest way to deal with

this important question. The issue of God must be thoughtfully

taken up. Clearly as science progresses religion has regressed.Some people are frightened by this, but rather than being

frightened we should feel enlightened. This phenomenon is a

function of religious rigidity rather than reason

You would be well advised to consider this matter carefully

because your life may depend on it. My personal position is to

dismiss any ism lacking the support of logic. The answer to thequestion “is there a God” is: “I don’t know”. If I claimed to have

a fire breathing dragon in my garage but it could not be seen,

heard, touched or apprehended in any way you would be wise

to dismiss my claim immediately. If it exists in nature it must be

capable of being apprehended, studied and analyzed. If it is

missing these qualities of reality it doesn’t exist! Existence

depends on evidence; extreme claims require extremeevidence.

If you agree with this logic ask yourself how the existence

of God could be demonstrated. How could you “know “without

question that the preexistence of God to be a fact? Correct, it

can’t be done! Don’t misunderstand me; I am not suggesting

that anyone should give up their comforting beliefs, only that

you recognize them as beliefs not facts. Beliefs may be

dangerous but we are never the less entitled to them. All of us

have a right to our beliefs but if you believe the earth is flat

please don’t offer to fly my airplane: the same goes for



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imaginary friends that you ask for help in living your everyday

life.

If you refuse to discuss elements of religious beliefs thenyou have cut yourself off from one of the main essences of

humanity—like refusing to listen to music. Every culture has a

religion or philosophy of some kind and it is always intertwined

with the local culture to the degree that you can’t tell where

one ends and the other begins. No doubt, one can criticize

ideas without criticizing the people who hold them; similarly

you can discuss the idea of a soul without believing with anycertainty that it exists. Humans can discuss ideas that have no

correspond existence in nature. However that does not prove

their existence in actual life, only that humans can conceive of

them.

The scientific method asserts that any verification of a truth

claim depends on it being placed into some linguistic form that

can be falsified.(a theory) obviously there is no way to put this

God claim(or it’s opposite) into theoretical--testable form.

Some say that a theory is only a guess or hunch and not a true

fact—however that point of view is wrong, a theory is one of

the “necessary” steps on the road to becoming a fact. The best

anyone could say about God is: “I believe it,” or my intuition

tells me it is true, but clearly intuition can be false. Have you

ever thought that the two railroad rails converge at the

horizon? It is only through reason that one knows the tracks

only “seem” to converge, but don’t ever succeed in con-joining.

For that matter could you prove that God does exist; no, of

course not, therefore, claims of this sort are called beliefs not



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facts. On the other hand if we try our hardest to prove the

existence of a deity and fail, the default position is “then it can’t

be true”. Beliefs are necessary to religion but facts are not—it is

comparing apples and oranges.

To assert that the existence of God is a belief rather than a

fact merely points out the difference between the two

concepts, and in no way is intended to denigrate any belief. A

fact has a special meaning, to qualify it has to be observable in

the objective world, and the evidence has to be repeatable for

anyone wishing to take the trouble to try to duplicate it. Thisattempt to repeat a conclusion or falsify it is at the heart of the

scientific method. It is through this process that change can

take place when a contradicting theory is successfully

supported, or when a tested theory is not repeatable. On the

other hand a belief has no such system of protecting its

veracity. You can’t change faith beliefs because it is difficult if

not impossible to see them clearly. It is in the same category assomeone saying blue is best. Stop the kind of thinking that tells

you that your opinions are facts.

A belief, requires no objective evidence , and has no

rational means of change once it has become part of traditional

dogma. I want to reiterate that I am not saying one is good and

the other bad, but am merely saying they are different classes

of information. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but no one

is entitled to his/her own facts, IE.”I like blue”, not-“blue is the

best color.” Just because everyone is entitled to his/her opinion

is not to say “all opinions are equally valuable, i.e. if one was

constructing something like a bridge he/she would want to



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trust mathematics over mere opinion on the matter of

construction materials. It is the same logic when you build a life

on whimsy.

Building a life , however, is partly a subjective enterprise and

the more profoundly one is in touch with inner realities the

better personal choices he/she is likely to make. To end a

drinking habit it will help for the addict to recognize the

difference between objective facts and subjective opinions.

Obviously mistaking one for the other can only confuse the

issue. To aid in this quest practice the following ABC (seeappendage pp 87) form, you might have to do it a thousand

times to change your belief system: but so what. Remember

that you have spent your lifetime going over the opposite

addicting thoughts.

One person attains abstinence and thanks God for it

others will criticize God for allowing the problem in the first

place. If God is to be praised for one he has to be criticized for

the other.

An addict becomes dependent upon the chemical or the

behavior of choice. When we send children to Sunday school

they are inculcated with religious dependencies. This Sunday

school experience is one of the origins of dependencies; once

accustomed to becoming dependent it is easy to generalize it toon other isms such as alcoholism. It is the early training that

truth is emotional that undercuts ones’ propensity for reason

This is the slippery slope argument: once you believe that

revealed truth is as good or better than rational truth you have



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weakened your reasoning process on all subsequent subjects.

Remember that this reasoning is your only avenue to genuine

truth.

I don’t object to Sunday school but I don’t want the

children to be brainwashed into accepting one only point of

view. At the worst they should be taught to analyze several

opposing views. At best they would be better to be taught

critical skills that would enable them to search for their own

realities. We already know how to do this because we teach the

stories of the three pigs in a playful way but Santa clause istaught as a very serious business. Once a child believes in magic

it will remain as part of their consciousness forever.

It will be better by far to learn to think independently and

be responsible for our beliefs and not be acquiescent to them.

You will only know who you are when you begin to think for

yourself. You get little credit for accepting some other fellows’

beliefs only for having your own.

At one time I compared the two declarations of war

proclaimed by George Bush and Osama Ben Laden. I found the

most frequently occurring word in both is “obedience”. I reject

the idea that obedience is the highest human value; rather it is

the ability to think for oneself that heads my list. It would also

satisfy St. Peter better, if he exists. This is known as theEichmann defense because the Nazi prison camp exterminator

tried to defend himself saying “I was only following orders”.

Comedians have since then ridiculed this defense saying “the

devil made me do it,” meaning I’m not to blame.



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The druggie says “I found myself in an alley with a needle

in my arm”; the rationalist says “I took myself to the alley and

inserted the needle”. By taking the druggies assertion at face

value, we observe that he claims not to have chosen theactivity it just happens to him unintentionally. Obviously this is

an important point to understand because if you are convinced

that you do not choose your addictive activities how can you

expect to stop repeating them. I don’t suggest that admitting

the truth of your choice means you should then damn yourself

for it; just admit it. There is a big difference between admitting

something and judging yourself for it. Less than perfectbehavior is not an occasion for self denigration.

It is only by openly accepting your own role in decision

making that you can get a handle on your habit. There are no

uncaused causes, prior to every act lies a decision to act. If you

don’t understand this, pause a while and rethink what goes on

before you begin any action. (I.e. drinking) At the onset of anaddictive episode it can seem spontaneous, unchosen. True,

there are times when it seems that we do not actually decide to

use, and the drinking just seems to happen. However, ask

yourself if you could have refused to indulge at that time, as we

often do, and if your answer is yes then it must have been a

choice whether you are aware of it or not. In my own drinking

career I recall deciding to drink, and even remember the smileof anticipation on my face, prior to consuming the first drop.

Drinking for me was anything but spontaneous, at the thought

of drinking my smile was like that of a butcher’s dog. Virtually

all human behavior is preceded by a thought, and the good



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news is that we can learn to control our thoughts, once we

become aware of them. If we don’t intercept our thoughts we

are destined to be victims of them.

It is essential for the addict to realize deeply that he/she

has the ability to quit; the wise person will repeat many times:

“I am in charge”. I have heard many say, “I could quit anytime”

but then never seem to arrive at that reality, even though they

are expressing a true statement: it doesn’t happen. If I offered

to shoot off a toe whenever you took a drink how many toes

would you lose? The answer is “none” or at the most one whenyou tested me to find out if I really meant it. If this example

resonates with you it is evidence that you recognize that

quitting is within your grasp and the only thing missing is

motivation and method. If all you need is a reason to do the

work of quitting, then ignore the other rationalizations,

focusing mostly on this efficacious activity.

Similarly, take the example of someone who can’t seem toquit his/her habit claiming to be powerless over it.

Powerlessness is a key factor in addiction fighting. Consider the

following scenario: suppose you are sitting in your car wanting

a drink, you reach under the seat for your bottle, you remove

the cap, and are about to raise it to your lips when you notice

the police car parked behind you. What do you do? If you are

truly powerless over the habit you will necessarily take the

drink even if means arrest. On the other hand, if you do have

control over your habit you will replace the cap, stow the bottle

back under the seat and drive to a safer location. Just for the

sake of the argument lets’ assume that the police car follows



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you and parks behind you again, will you continue to abstain?

The answer again is yes! Further, suppose the policemen stay

behind you for three months; you will continue to abstain. How

much more proof do you need that you are in control of yourhabit, lacking only the necessary motive to give it up. It is like

the opposite of the well known placebo effect on disease.

Drinking moderation is a potential that interests many

drinkers, but the current so-called wisdom says it is not

possible. However it is clear to me that many people who once

drank uncontrollably now do so moderately. No doubt thereare those for whom moderation is not possible and probably

will not work for them, but if a heavy drinker has the idea that

he/she could moderate it is best for him/her to give it their best

possible attempt in order to get the idea out of his/her mind.

There is scant chance for him to quit entirely while entertaining

the notion that he “could” moderate. This underlying thought

of moderating will be best put to rest before trying to quitentirely—give it, not your weakest but your best shot.

Another effective tool for attaining abstinence is called

“visualization.” This method has the person simply imagine (in

complete detail) going through the process of quitting

successfully. The abstainer deliberately creates in his/her mind

a strong urge to use; then using imagination alone he/she

would intentionally increase that urge until it is virtuallyirresistible, then also using thoughts only reduce the urge. This

process gives you practice in managing the urges that will

surely come. Escalating an urge even temporarily seems to be

counterintuitive compared to the accustomed process where



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we understandably struggle to minimize urges. Resistance to

escalating the drinking habit only seems to strengthen it, giving

it power that it doesn’t merit, but by escalating and then

reducing that will strengthen your sense of self efficacy.

On the surface this escalation might seem to be against

common sense but the next step is working hard to reduce the

self generated urge until it is weakened and therefore

manageable, repeat this exercise many times making it a most

effective and useful skill.

The best time to practice this exercise is at a time orsituation when you would normally be tempted to use. It is a

good idea to anticipate those times or circumstances. For some

it is the minute they get home from work, for others it is when

the phone rings etc. Knowing in advance when these urges will

strike gives you an advantage over it, when you expect it you

can prepare to minimize the resulting anxiety.

Visualization is a useful tool so we would be wise to dignify

the practice by suspending all other activity while engaging in

it. After all you wouldn’t think twice about stopping everything

to drink, so do the same with this exercise. The more often you

practice visualization the more confidence you will generate in

your ability to deal with the inevitable two second urges. The

goal is to erase most of the fear of having to face an urge;thereby making a profound change in your journey toward

abstinence. Athletes use controlled breathing to rid themselves

of anxiety, you can observe them blowing out their breath



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before attempting a “try” at their sport. We could all do the

same.

Another way to use visualization is to imaging livingthrough the minutes of your daily life after quitting. You will be

transformed from being compelled to focus on the pursuit, and

consumption of alcohol, on one hand while on the other hand

deciding how to best spend your time now that you are

abstinent. Quitting this all consuming culture of alcoholism will

create a vacuum of time and energy that will be hard to fill—

particularly if you are unprepared. You will be wise to makeplans for dealing with this vacuum, without waiting until you

are faced with it but plan ahead to do something with that

particular portion of time and energy. Some people get a pet

because there is nothing more relaxing than petting a loving

dog.

I suggest whatever alternative activity you take up to deal

with this vacuum it should be as powerful as you can conceive.Make a lifelong dream come true; go back to school, take up a

trade, or do whatever will profoundly catch your interest and

passion. This preparation will pay off when drinking is in your

past, and are going through the first days of abstinence. That

time of wondering what to do with yourself now that you have

changed life styles could be dangerous to your sobriety if you

have not made firm plans.

It is easier to change directions while moving than it is to

start moving in the first place, so write your plan down

including the smallest details. Be prepared to deal with any



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anxiety producing activities before they arrive. Work at your

plan starting right now, prior to quitting.

There is an unfortunate trend towards the concept of “self esteem” in western culture that is erroneously founded on the

notion that humans “are” (or become) their behavior. That is to

say If I do well I am good but if I don’t do well I am bad; but

even if I do well today I will surely begin to worry about how

well I’ll do tomorrow.. Jails and schools pursue this self esteem

mantra with what amounts to a religious fervor. (Gary Emery

Own Your Life. A Signet Book) They busily structure positiveexperiences for their charges with the expectation that positive

self esteem will result in a change of behavior—overweight

adherents to this belief allow the scales to tell them if they are

good or bad people. Nonsense; you’re the same person

whether or not you drink are heavy or light. My own view

however, is that we clearly are more than our behavior if a

bishop had a drinking problem would he be a drunk or a Bishop,obviously he would still possess all of the personal elements he

had before drinking, and it would be better to think of him as a

bishop, a man, a scholar etc. and also sometimes (but not

always) was a drinker.

It would be better to think it through carefully changing

the thrust from evaluating people (including ourselves) on the

basis of behavior, and just accepting them (and us); it will bebest to take the position that people are unrateable, that is

behavior can be judged and changed, while persons cannot. It

will be easier to change a behavior when you separate it from

the person. Self efficacy, on the other hand is superior to self



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esteem as it is based on ones’ ability to manage life choices.

After successfully managing many life’s choices you begin to

perceive yourself as a person who has become efficacious. On

the other hand if your poor behavior makes you a rottenperson you will be less able to abstain.

Trial and error is the best way to learn anything, practice

trusting your judgment instead of listening to others set

yourself free from dependency For this to work we have to

make ourselves comfortable when making errors so that we

can benefit from the experience. An overemphasis on beingcorrect, and thereby a good person is a sure fire exercise in

anxiety creation, it is the essence of humanity to make

mistakes, so just accept the fact that you an error prone

human.

Let me summarize the paper so far. Drinking, doping, over

eating, religiosity, displays of anger, and/or depression, is often,

if not always a response to increased levels of anxiety. Highanxiety interferes with rational decision making by blocking

ones’ thinking processes. The smooth and efficacious path to

abstinence will be to find ways of recognizing and reducing

anxiety-- stress can be managed.

Language use is a determining factor in addictions;

demandingness creates anxiety, so commit to mastering anunderstanding of the role of semantics in forming an addiction.

Over generalizing creates stresses by unnecessarily elevating

simple desires into dire needs—they are dangerous falsehoods.



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voice as always promoting drinking. That way you can

anticipate an urge the minute you think of the voice. The next

step is to form a big plan that will confront the voice. My

personal plan is “I don’t use alcohol for any reason.”

I like RR because it focuses only of the consumption of

alcohol, dope or the like. There is no talk of: war stories, no

drunkalogues, no higher power only addictive voice recognition

and learning to talk back to the addictive voice in your head.

Next in line is SOS Save ourselves formally known as

Secular organization for Sobriety True to its’ name there is no

higher power, no supernatural, it is secular only, with a broader

focus taking in any human problems that group members bring

up. It is sponsored by the Humanist association of America. In

contradiction to its’ name it has a founder Jim Christopher.

Christopher borrows from all the other groups and has settled

on the dogmatic point of, “constant focus on sobriety.” Again

SOS claims not to have any dogma yet they clearly assert that

members “must” remain free of drugs and alcohol.

www.unhooked.comand irrational (RB & IB)

North America boasts several viable, non religious

alternative addiction groups: three of the best includes: (RR)rational recovery, (SMART) self management and recovery

training, and (SYS)(Dr. [email protected]) Secular

Organization for Sobriety or save yourself. They are all effective

and go about their task similarly; their common denominator is

http://www.unhooked.com/

http://www.unhooked.com/



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cognitive psychology, a creation of Dr. Albert Ellis of Rational

Emotive Behavior therapy.

RESISTANCE Resistance is one of the first hurdles for a recovering

addict to face; but perhaps to never totally conquer. Resistance

can be defined as any reluctance to consider points of view

different from your own. One common form of resistance is:

angrily dismissing any new philosophy, or reasoned

enlightenment that contradicts your own perspective. Other

forms of resistance include selective ignorance, unwillingnessto experiment, black and white thinking. In general, they can be

characterized by any ploy intended to avoid new information.

There are areas of our existence that we may not want to,

indeed virtually cannot face, these are areas from our past that

seem too psychologically painful to face so we avoid them. The

treatment for that reluctance can be found in the precedingABC form from the Albert Ellis Institute. (see appendix 87)

Follow the instructions on the form several times a day and

observe yourself gradually changing from over-generalization

to thinking rationally about your behavior.

There is condition is called “self -awareness trauma” where

some discovery (real or imagined) threatens to awaken within

us such fear that it requires time and effort from which torecover. We can be threatened into immobility by this fear of

awareness of past situations. There are times when our

profound habit forming experiences are best revealed to us

gently respectfully, and preferably by a skilled therapist.



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For the addict who genuinely desires abstinence the

awareness of resistance is a finger pointing at the problem—if

he will just look. Instead of resisting your awareness use it as

an opportunity to gain self-knowledge previously ignored.Discovering this resistance can be an aid to your abstinence.

Noticing the issue that you fear is the very place to begin

looking for and clearing up resistance. ( Albert Ellis Overcoming

Resistance Springer press.)

Clearly, you can understand that increasing awareness of

underlying motivation will have to be accomplished before anyeffective action is taken. Proceeding with the treatment phase

before clearly understanding the cause will only frustrate and

foil any effort to quit. The message here is don’t rush, be

thorough in your search for the cause before beginning to treat,

don’t accept causes that seem to be sympathetic to your oft

recited story. While you are working on this you may continue

to use your drug of choice if you must, but please do so withoutexcessive guilt—guilt won’t help.

There is an instructive story of monkey hunters who place

jars containing bananas in the trees where their quarry

congregates. The monkey reaches into the jar, grabs the

banana, but cannot retrieve his closed fist. The monkey tries

everything to escape, everything that is, “except” releasing the

fruit that would make their hand small enough for retrieval. Themonkey would rather face capture than release the banana:

this mind set is the only tether tying him/her to the jar.



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Addicts as well, famously hang on to their self-identifying

rationalities, even when doing so works against their long term

best interest. Begin to think of abstinence as a letting go of

ideas that, until now have kept you chained.

Take this occasion to build a strong sense of self-

efficacy that will allow you to face deep truths courageously. Be

cautious about revealing profound past experiences too quickly

as it might generate a fear of potential trauma that seems

beyond ones flexibility tolerance. Self efficacy is the confidence

that one can take on a new challenge and succeed; unlike self esteem where the person “becomes” his/her behavior.

Consider the overgeneralization that “Johnny is a bad boy”

rather than a complex boy who is behaving poorly in this

instance. Beware of giving excuses for your lack of success own

up to your reluctance to be responsible; “no excuses”.

When I was a lad I read of a man who wanted to form new

habits in his life. Every day he as walked to work passing over astream on a small bridge. He decided that each day while

crossing the bridge he would toss a pebble into the stream; if

he forgot to do it he would return to the bridge and fulfill his

commitment. After some time (two years) he realized that he

had disciplined himself to carry out any subsequent task he set

for himself.

At some later time when he wanted to master some major

problem such as overcoming an addiction he had already

proven to himself that he could honor any promise that he

made to himself. After reading this story I was inspired to stand



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on my head every day for two minutes. After a couple of years

of daily head standing I realized that I had developed enough

confidence to overcome my alcohol addiction. I used this

confidence to return to school for the next thirty years gainingfour University degrees in the process, as well as moderating

my drinking and finally quitting my habit in the bargain.

I advise anyone interested in quitting a habit to form some

ongoing small and doable discipline that will train you to

maintain any commitment. Perhaps moving up to a more

difficult challenge as your confidence grows.If our understanding of the causation of the habit is wrong,

then the treatment will surely fail; because our energy will be

focused on a false assumption. As with any problem-solving

strategy, our first task is to get the question straight. It is

surprising how often that when we clearly understand the

cause, the solution presents itself, it come s to us virtually

unbidden

My suggestion is to spend time critically examining your

“story” of the origins of your problem, be suspicious of any

cause that seems to be too sympathetic to your prepared

scenario. Be aware that we humans have the potential to

create false stories in our effort to make some kind of sense of

our experiences. Remember the monkey!Enlist the aid of someone (like myself) trained to see

through human defense mechanisms. We construct these

defenses to protect ourselves from awareness of our

sometimes awesome motivations. Do not skip over this step, or



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deal with it too superficially because the successful outcome of

your long term efforts will depend on getting this causal aspect

straight. Don’t trust the opinion of your friends, sponsors, and

/or the traditions of your culture as evidence of yourcorrectness. They are often wrong!

Remember that at one time, not that long ago (1492

Columbus) it was generally accepted that the world was flat,

and one would sail over the edge by venturing out too far. A

round earth was a bizarre notion in those days and the general

population was threatened by it, as it differed from their ownestablished opinion. Seek fresh thinking about your drinking

don’t merely stay with ideas that have not worked in the past,

don’t stay with a looser. You may become addicted to the

group philosophy as well as the alcohol.

We humans create and carefully rehearse scenarios that

ostensibly account for our surrender to alcoholism and/or other

isms’. It threatens to become overly traumatic for us to revisitour perception of the cause and effect of our habit. For

example when an athlete is sexually molested by his coach, and

later becomes an alcoholic many people mistakenly conclude

that the first event caused the second; that is, the sexual

molestation is responsible for the addiction. However this

account fails on several counts! First, if not everyone who

suffered molestation turned out to be addicted. We canconclude that there has to be some other intervening variable

between the two events (such as self talk). It must be

something else that is responsible for our addiction; otherwise

every victim of molestation not merely a few people would



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necessarily become addicted—the molestation could not have

caused the addiction.

This theory also fails on the basis that if the actuatingevent (AE) caused the resulting addictive behavior there can be

no way to correct it as the causation lies in the past. Unless we

can roll back the clock to the time of the earlier event (the

molestation) that condition must remain forever unchanged.

Yet we spend untold millions of dollars treating addicts with an

expectation that they will reform. It is an unsubstantiated

universal expectation that one indeed ought to give up theiraddictions but it is no body’s business but their own. There is

ample evidence from the past that many addicts do give up, or

moderate their compulsion under ideal circumstances. We

“know” that people can and do change! This is clear evidence

that if previous bad experiences cause current addictive

behavior they could never be cured. Change could never occur

as long as past (mistakenly believed) causes remain unchanged.Take the case of twins raised in the same family who

grow up to be quite different in some respects even though

their rearing practices were virtually identical. No, it is not the

activating event that causes our obsession, but “it is what we

say to ourselves about that event” that does the trick.

I am reminded of the two boys who woke up in themorning to find a pile of horse manure on the floor. One boy

said that is terrible his brother however, said; “goody someone

brought us a pony.” What a thing is depends on how who looks

at it.



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The above explanation spells out the limitation of free will.

Clearly we can rarely, if ever, control events that happen to us

but, can inevitably, with training choose our reaction to it. This

information is essential to changing unwanted behavior! Wecan often visualize the possibility of some future activity and

take steps to change the expected effect.

There are folks who try the same recovery program of

choice over and over again with the same results. Face it, if you

desire different results change your belief about what might

work. Don’t’ wait for a sure thing, just move on to somethingthat promises to work better for you.

Let us return to the case of the molested athlete; if he has

been trained to think that molestation causes addiction he will

mistakenly make that connection. The problem with this

reasoning is that he now begins to work on his memory of the

molestation, forgiveness of the perpetrator and the like; he

now plays a game of keep away with his emotional cause. Eventhough these activities are no doubt very important to him,

they are totally irrelevant to the cause of his alcohol addiction.

What needs to be addressed is his anxiety making it

recognizable. Once this cause is discovered you are well on

your way to a solution, providing an accurate focus for your

efforts, enabling you to proceed to the next step towardsabstinence

Most new members terminate their AA attendance within

the first three months; please urge them to try an alternative

program. Stop repeating the same religious treatment,



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expecting different results. There is more than one game in

town.

AA spells Higher Power with capital letters H&P making itclear that it is a euphemism for God, when we select our belief

system we will want to be thoughtful about this

contraindicated religious aspect if we are to achieve

abstinence. For the eighty percent of those who terminate their

AA attendance within the first three months, please urge them

to try an alternative program. Stop repeating the same religious

treatment expecting different results.Many addicts claim to have little control over their feelings

generally, and their disturbances in particular because those

things are thought to be caused by external events.

The rational belief produces only appropriate emotions. A

belief like: “I am a rotten person for coming to the wedding

drunk.” The irrational belief produces overpowering anxiety.

Become aware of any debilitating anxiety and make it

recognizable to the individual drinker. Once this cause is

discovered he is well on his way to a solution. Providing an

accurate focus for his efforts, enabling him to proceed to the

next step towards abstinence they work. The helping

professions are filled with people who are not in control of

their own lives yet seem willing to commit to “helping” others.

When I say “work” I mean achieve abstinence not merely fill

some social feel-good agenda! Recognize that, simply because



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the AA movement expands in numbers it does not mean

therefore that it is an effective addiction treatment. Recognize

also, that many AA adherents treat the meetings like church

attendance; they repeat their mantras, say their prayers, givetheir testimony and leave feeling that all is right with the world:

yet most remain addicted. It is their choice and I will defend

anyone’s right to it as we are entitled to life style choices.

I accept myself, others and the indifferent world. Repeat

this mantra many times a day to maintain your motivation. Stay

away from situations where you are likely to be stressed, avoidvexatious friends get a dog. Can you take a holiday for a few

days? Engage in stress free pursuits for the times of highest

danger, reminding yourself of the benefits you will derive from

quitting. Become aware of times and situations that are likely

to cause stress and avoid them for now. In order for you to

succeed you will have to focus narrowly on this step as your

very success depends on it. Prepare yourself by taking intoconsideration all of your anxiety producing eventualities. If, for

example you get anxious dealing with your mother-in law

prepare ahead for the occasion of her visit. When tempted

repeat the mantra “I am in charge of my life”

RATIONALISM VS.TWELVE STEPS

RATIONALISM VS.TWELVE STEPS



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The US constitution, in its wisdom, mandates the

separation of church and state, consequently government

institutions “must” offer their charges alternative secular

addiction treatment, alternative, that is to the religious TwelveSteps. A survey the following ten (out of the twelve) steps;

reveals, beyond question, its’ religious nature.

LIST OF ACTIVATING BELIEFS appendix

Read and discuss the following ideas as to their role in

addictions

1.I must do well or very well

2.I am a bad or worthless person when I act weakly or

stupidly.

3.I must be accepted or approved by people I find

important.

4.I need to be loved by someone who matters to me a lot.

5. I am a bad unlovable person if I get rejected.

6.People must treat me fairly and give me what I need.

7. People must live up to my expectations or it is terrible.

8. People who act immorally are undeserving or rotten

people

9. I cant stand really bad things or difficult people.

10. My life must have few major hassles or troubles.



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11. it is awful or terrible when major things don’t go my way.

12. I cant stand it when life is really unfair.

13. I need a good deal of immediate gratification and have tofeel miserable when I don’t get what I want.

Feelings and behaviors I experience after arriving at my

Effective new Belief.

It is only human to make mistakes so, although I will no

doubt regretfully, make more of them I accept myself and

others for doing this.

Here is a list of commonly held cognitive errors that work

against abstinence. I recommend that you read them regularly

and discuss the ideas in the list as they make up most of the

causes of human addictions.

COGNATIVE DISTORTIONS appendix

Cognitive errors are a list of human thoughts that can lead to

addictions, and other human frailties’.

All or nothing thinking. Black and white thinking. If your

performance is less than perfect you see yourself as a total

failure, drink or not drink no moderation instead of merely

human foibles and idiosyncrasies.

Overgeneralizations. You see a single negative event as a never

ending pattern of defeat. Got to, have to, must, never, can’t



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stand it, should, ought. Remember “you are in charge of your

life.”

Mental filter. You pick out a single negative detail and dwell onit obsessively so your vision of reality becomes darkened, like

an ink drop that discolors an entire beaker of water. Stop doing

it!

Disqualifying the positive. You reject positive experiences by

insisting they don’t count. In this way you can maintain a

negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday

experiences.

Jumping to conclusions. you make a negative interpretation

even though there are no definite facts that support your

conclusions.

a. Mind reading. You don’t check out presumptions.

b. Fortune telling. You think that your predictions are

already established facts.

Magnification. You exaggerate the importance of things such as

your latest goof up or someone else’s’ achievement. Or you

minimize things until they appear tiny. (your own desirable

qualities or the other fellows imperfections, called the reverse

binocular trick.

Emotional reasoning. I feel it therefore, it must be true.

Should statements. You try to motivate yourself with should

and shouldn’t demands. Musts and ought’s also fall into this

category. The emotional consequence of these thoughts is



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guilt! When you direct should and ought’s’ at other people you

feel basic addiction causing emotions such as anger, frustration,

resentment, and anxiety.

Labeling and mislabeling. This is an extreme form of

overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error you label

yourself as “I’m a looser.” When someone else rubs you the

wrong way you label him “a rotten person (RP).’ Mislabeling

involves describing an event with language that is highly

colored and emotionally loaded. Clearly if you separate the

person from the deed you will not over generalize; you will beable to love the person and hate the behavior.

Personalization. You see yourself as the cause of some negative

external event which in fact, you were not responsible for.

. Here is a list of commonly held cognitive errors that work

against abstinence. I recommend that you read them regularly

and discuss the ideas in the list as they make up most of thecauses of human disturbance.

1. I must have love and approval from all the important people

in my life. Everyone should like me and its’ terrible when they

don’t.

2. I must prove very competent in achieving in some important

areas of life in order to be worthwhile.

3. When people act obnoxiously and unfairly they become

wicked and rotten individuals and I am right to blame and damn

them.



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4. It is horrible, terrible and unbearable to be seriously

frustrated, rejected or treated unfairly.

5. Humans have very little control over their feelings generally,and their disturbances in particular because those things are

caused by external events.

6. If someone is or may be dangerous or fearsome, one should

be terribly concerned with it and keep dwelling on the

possibility of its’ occurring.

7. It is easier in the short run to avoid life’s responsibilities than

to face them.

8. I must have other people on whom I can depend, and I must

have someone stronger than me on whom I can rely.

9. Because something strongly influenced my past life it has to

keep disturbing my feelings and behavior today.

19. We should become quite upset over other peoples’problems and disturbances.

STAGES OF ABSTENANCE Appendix

The authors: Prochaska,Norcross and Diclemente in their

excellent book Changing for Good divide the quitting process

into six stages, precontemplation, contemplation, preparation,

action and maintenance. The entire process of quitting is easier

to deal with if you break it down into smaller units; rather than

dividing your focus among many possibilities train yourself to



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view quitting as a series of stages. See appendix pp 68. Realize

that no single stage is more important than another, but

recognizing them does, identify the process you are

experiencing at the moment.

We would rather be ruined than changed

We would rather be dead in our dread

Than climb the cross of the moment

And let our illusions die.

W.H.Auden

There are four stages to progress through when quitting any

habit. If you recognize the stage you currently occupy it will

help you to know the focus needed for the next. For example if

you are in the precontemplation stage wherein you have not

yet decided to quit, it would be still too soon to be thinking of

strategies for remaining abstinent. This stage is where you do

cost benefit analysis of drinking. List the reasons for quitting

such as health, reputation and expense; shift your thinking to

where you recognize that the reasons for quitting outweigh the

reasons for remaining addicted. You will want to learn to focus

on the pertinent factors giving them your undivided attention

as you progress through this stage. Before addicts commit to

taking the big step the individual stages processes are easier to

deal with.

Contemplation stage



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This is the second stage where the emphasis is focused on

formulating a plan for quitting. Considerations such as: will you

take time off work while quitting. Change jobs, get a divorce,

begin graduate studies, and matters of like importance. It mightbe a good idea to take holidays during the first part of the

quitting process as a holiday might reduce stress during this

crucial time. Will you set a date on which to quit and begin to

anticipate that date with deliberate and intentional pleasure?

Will you work at clearing up your semantic self-talk? This is the

most important step of all, in my opinion, and as such requires

serious thought and commitment.

Other considerations at this point are: “what will you fill

your new found time with after this all encompassing habit is

defeated.” Do you have friends that you want to leave behind

because they enable your drinking? What dreams do you have

that you could make “come true”? Should you consult a doctor

to discuss getting a prescription that could help you throughthe difficult, first few days? Perhaps you would be wise to

consult with someone trained in addiction counseling; after all

this is important and you are in charge.

Recovery

The date arrives for quitting and you review your plan fordoing the activities previously decided upon, such as doing your

cost benefit analysis, carry it with you, and read the contents

many times a day to maintain your motivation. Stay away from

situations where you are likely to be stressed, avoid vexatious



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friends get a dog. Can you take a holiday for a few days? Engage

in stress free pursuits for the times of highest danger,

reminding yourself of the benefits you will derive from quitting.

Become aware of times and situations that might cause stressand avoid them for now. In order for you to succeed you will

have to focus narrowly on this step as your very success

depends on it. Prepare yourself by taking into consideration all

of your anxiety producing eventualities. If, for example you get

anxious dealing with your mother prepare ahead for the

occasion of her visit. When tempted repeat the mantra “I am in

charge of my life”

Maintenance

Now you are abstinent, and regardless of how confident

you feel about your ability to quit take nothing for granted. This

is the point where many people fail! The pressure is off and it

appears that the habit is behind you, but don’t get too cocky.

Many people make the mistake of rationalizing that maybe theyweren’t really addicted, or quitting was not as hard as expected

and related thought, allowing them to recidivate. Your previous

plans of how to fill the vacuum of abstinence are now of prime

importance, so now is the time to dust them off, and suck it up.

Remember that every thought of drinking is a subversive

motivator to use.

COST BENNEFIT ANALYSIS



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This is a useful tool for anyone contemplating quitting a habit.

It works like this:

DrinkingAdvantages-----------------------------------II---------------------------

Disadvantages

If you do nothing else master the following system and

change your life.

ABC of REBT

This form is a product of Albert Ellis PhD Rational

Emotive Behavior (REBT)

Albert ellis@REBT

Feel good Cost

Relaxed Damage health

Dissolves anxiety now Creates more anxiety in thelong run



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Activating event: (AE) Some occurrence happened just

before experiencing disturbed feelings or self defeating actions.

For example: I show up drunk at my daughters’ wedding.Beliefs rational and irrational RB&IB

Rational: I wish I hadn’t drunk so much before coming to

the wedding.

Irrational: I am a fool, and shouldn’t have acted so

rottenly.

Consequences (C) thoughts and emotions.

THOUGHTS Rational thoughts. I regret coming to the

wedding drunk.

Thoughts: Irrational. I can’t stand drinking so much that I

make a spectacle of myself.

Dispute: (D) 1. Prove the belief. Take great pains to prove the

irrational belief to be true. That is the belief that I am rotten for

being drunk at the wedding, drinking inappropriately turns me

(magically) into a rotten person

2. Falsify the belief. Try hard to prove the IB is false.—I was

wrong to drink at the wedding, but drinking inappropriately is ahuman act and I accept myself as a person who was wrong but,

not a rotten person. (RP)



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3. What might happen if I maintain my belief that making a

mistake turns me into a rotten person? Answer the following

statement fully.

Every time I drink inappropriately I turn myself into an RP.

4. What might happen if I give up my belief ? Answer this

statement ;It is only human to make mistakes sometimes

therefore I guess my mistakes only reinforce my humanity.

Effective new Philosophy. (ENP)

Feelings and behaviors I experience after arriving at my

Effective new Belief.

It is only human to make mistakes so, although I will no doubt

regretfully, make more of them I accept myself and others

Twelve steps of AA appendix

Step ONE: Admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our

lives had become unmanageable.

Every drinker abstains sometimes when conditions are just

right. The bar closes or we run out of money.

STEP Two

Belief in a Higher Power- restores our sanity.

I see no evidence to support the notion that there is a God

at work in the affairs of humans, regardless of common



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thinking, it only aids in creating the strengthening of an

addiction, as it puts the onus on an outside influence (God)

rather on the drinker, where it belongs. Believing that this

external power exists might encourage the addict to stop tryingto help himself while waiting for that higher power to work the

magic.

This is not to say there is no God, on the contrary it merely

suggests that if God exists “it “must work in the world through

the consciousness of humankind, rather than in some linear

supernatural fashion.STEP THREE

Turned my life and will over to God.

The assumption that there exists a traditional God is

remarkable! There is no reasonable evidence to support this

hypothesis; it is merely a belief, held by decreasing numbers of

people. We can’t get at all truth using logic alone, but we can’tget at any truth without it. We build our personal behavior

consistent with our world view, but some views are dangerous,

E.g. the notion that some external power will insure sobriety

without personal effort.

STEP FIVE

Admitted our wrongdoings.

It claims that we must necessarily first acknowledge our

wrongdoing in order to change. Before we admit wrongdoing

we had better first learn to deal with guilt and shame. It is what



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we think to ourselves concerning our behavior, but it is not our

poor behavior, as such, that is responsible for our guilt. If we

are truly powerless over our lives we may not be held

blameworthy, as no choice could have been made. On theother hand if our behavior is self chosen we are therefore

responsible for it, if we could have chosen other than the way

we did we are responsible, and blameworthy. Unless you can

produce a perfect human we have to conclude that all humans

are error prone. Therefore when you mess up it doesn’t prove

that you are inferior, only that you are a normal human being.

Obviously, strong negative feelings about oneself works’against abstinence; so learn to moderate those negative

feelings.

STEP SIX

Have God remove our shortcomings! This is the same God

that allows innocents to die without lifting a compassionate

finger; so how can we expect this same God to concernHim/her-self with our petty human concerns, especially those

concerns that are under our own control? If addiction can be

overcome why would some God step in to change it when there

are so many more important concerns to which a Higher Power

can exclusively attend to? We will be better, and this is

important, to accept self, others, the world and get on with life.

Another way to think of this acceptance is: forgiveness, whereinwe don’t judge the perpetrator but judge the sins.

Good luck with that one.

STEP ELEVEN



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Through prayer improve my contact with God.

I see no evidence to support the existences of some God

who will remove an addiction, or, for that matter that prayer isheard and answered, all the available evidence is against this

kind of mythology. Although we are all entitled to our beliefs

the problem with these supernatural beliefs is that they serve

to keep the addict inactive instead of planning and actually

doing the hard work necessary to quit the dependency.

Certain literal religious beliefs (and secular beliefs as well)

can be iatrogenic, only adding to the problem I.e. one of whichis waiting for a better subsequent life, discourages us from

living fully in the present.

STEP TWELVE

Carry this message to others, and practice them ourselves.

Before you proselytize (shill) these religious philosophies, make

sure they work. The helping professions are filled with people

who are not in control of their own lives yet seem willing to

commit to “helping” others. When I say “work” I mean achieve

abstinence not merely fill some social feel-good agenda!

Recognize that, simply because the AA movement expands in

numbers it does not mean therefore that it is an effective

addiction treatment. Recognize also, that many AA adherents

treat the meetings like church attendance; they repeat their

mantras, say their prayers, give their testimony and leave

feeling that all is right with the world: yet most remain



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addicted. It is their choice and I will defend anyone’s right to it

as we are entitled to life style choices.

ad diction book and resistance book combined

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