abc

Management

McGraw−Hill Primis

ISBN: 0−390−24904−1

Text: Business Communications: Building Critical SkillsLocker−Kaczmarek

Course:Management As A System SM121/SM299Writing Assignment

Instructor:Peter Arnold and Mark Kean

Boston UniversitySchool of Management

McGraw-Hill/Irwin��

Management

http://www.mhhe.com/primis/online/Copyright ©2001 by The McGraw−Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior written permission of the publisher. This McGraw−Hill Primis text may include materials submitted to McGraw−Hill for publication by the instructor of this course. The instructor is solely responsible for the editorial content of such materials.

111 MGMT ISBN: 0−390−24904−1

This book was printed on recycled paper.

Management

Contents

Locker−Kaczmarek • Business Communications: Building Critical Skills

12. Persuasive Messages 1

Text 1

iii

Locker−Kaczmarek: Business Communications: Building Critical Skills

12. Persuasive Messages Text 1© The McGraw−Hill Companies, 2001

Module 12Persuasive Messages

To learn how to

• Choose andimplement apersuasive strategy.

• Write effectivesubject lines forpersuasive messages.

• Organize persuasivemessages.

• Identify andovercome objections.

• Write common kindsof persuasivemessages.

• Continue to analyzebusinesscommunicationsituations.

Start by asking these questions:

• What is the bestpersuasive strategy?

• What is the bestsubject line for apersuasive message?

• How should Iorganize persuasivemessages?

• How do I identifyand overcomeobjections?

• What othertechniques can makemy messages morepersuasive?

• What are the mostcommon kinds ofpersuasive messages?

• How can PAIBOChelp me writepersuasive messages?

As we enter the 21st century, businesses depend moreand more on persuasion and “buy-in” to get quality workdone. You can command people to make widgets. You can’tcommand people to be creative. And even if you’re makingwidgets, just going through the motions isn’t enough. Youwant people to make high-quality widgets while reducingscrap and other costs. Internal commitment is needed tomake that happen.

External motivation doesn’t last. Some people will buy acertain brand of pizza if they have a “2 for the price of 1”coupon. But if the coupon expires, or if another company of-fers the same deal, customers may leave. In contrast, if cus-

222


12. Persuasive Messages Text2 © The McGraw−Hill Companies, 2001

Module 12 Persuasive Messages 223

tomers like your pizza better—in other words, if they are motivated internallyto choose it—then you may keep your customers even if another companycomes in with a lower price.

Persuasive messages include

• Orders and requests.• Proposals and recommendations.• Sales and fund-raising letters.• Job application letters.• Reports, if they recommend action.• Efforts to change people’s behavior, such as collection letters, criticisms or

performance appraisals where you want the subordinate to improvebehavior, and public-service ads designed to reduce drunken driving,drug use, and so on.

All persuasive messages have several purposes:

Primary Purposes:

• To have the reader act.• To provide enough information so that the reader knows exactly what to do.• To overcome any objections that might prevent or delay action.

Secondary Purposes:

• To build a good image of the writer.• To build a good image of the writer’s organization.• To cement a good relationship between the writer and reader.• To reduce or eliminate future correspondence on the same subject so the

message doesn’t create more work for the writer.

What is the best persuasive strategy?It depends on how much and what kinds of resistance youexpect.

Four basic short-term strategies exist: direct request, problem-solving persua-sion, sales,1 and reward and punishment. This book will focus on the first twostrategies. Rewards and punishment have limited use, in part because they don’tproduce permanent change and because they produce psychological reactance( p. 199). For a major change, no single message will work. You will need acampaign with a series of messages, preferably from a variety of sources.

Use the direct request pattern when

• The audience will do as you ask without any resistance.• You need a response only from the people who are willing to act.• The audience is busy and may not read all the messages received.• Your organization’s culture prefers direct requests.

Use the problem-solving pattern when

• The audience is likely to object to doing as you ask.• You need action from everyone.

FYI

U.S. consumersform theirimpressions ofcompanies basedon

Brand quality,image, reputation 54.5%

Labor practices,business ethics 35.0%

Responsibility tosociety 14.4%

Economic andfinancial factors 11.3%

Business strategyand management

8.6%

Environmentalimpact 7.0%

(The surveyallowed consumersto mark more thanone factor.)

Source: “You Be theJudge,” AmericanDemographics, December1999, 17.



• You trust the audience to read the entire message.• You expect logic to be more important than emotion in the

decision.

A strategy that works in one organization may not work some-where else. James Suchan and Ron Dulek point out that Digital Equip-ment’s corporate culture values no-holds-barred aggressiveness. “Evenif opposition is expected, a subordinate should write a proposal in aforceful, direct manner.”2 In another organization with different cul-tural values, an employee who used a hard sell for a request antago-nized the boss.3

Corporate culture ( p. 32) isn’t written down; it’s learned byimitation and observation. What style do high-level people in your or-ganization use? When you show a draft to your boss, are you told totone down your statements or to make them stronger? Role models andadvice are two of the ways organizations communicate their cultures tonewcomers.

Different ethnic and national cultures also have different prefer-ences for gaining compliance. In one study, students who were native speak-ers of American English judged direct statements (“Do this”; “I want you todo this”) clearer and more effective than questions (“Could you do this?”) orhints (“This is needed”). Students who were native speakers of Korean, in con-trast, judged direct statements to be least effective. In the Korean culture, thestudy’s authors claim, the clearer a request is, the ruder and therefore less ef-fective it is.4

224 Unit Three Letters, Memos, and E-Mail Messages

Choose the channelthat best takes yourpersuasive message tothe audience you wantto reach. To find newemployees, Ciscoseated employees inthe end zones at theStanford-Berkeleyfootball game.Whenever a teamscored, employees heldup placards. Hits onCisco’s Web site rose10% in the days afterthe game.

Site to See

Go towww.adage.com/news_and_features/special_reports/commercials/

for Advertising Age’snominations for the 50 bestTV advertisements in the20th century.




What is the best subject line for a persuasivemessage?

For direct requests, use the request, the topic, or aquestion.

For problem-solving messages, use a directed subjectline or a reader benefit.

In a direct request, put the request, the topic of the request, or a question in thesubject line.

Subject: Request for Updated Software

My copy of HomeNet does not accept the aliases for Magnus accounts.

When you have a reluctant reader, putting the request in the subject linejust gets a quick no before you’ve had a chance to give all your arguments. Oneoption is to use a directed subject line that makes your stance on the issueclear.5 In the following examples, the first is the most neutral. The remainingtwo increasingly reveal the writer’s preference.

Subject: Status of Account #3548-003

Please get me the following information about account #3548-003.

Subject: Do We Need an Additional Training Session in October?

The two training sessions scheduled for October will accommodate 40people. Last month, you said that 57 new staff accountants had been hired.Should we schedule an additional training session in October? Or can thenew hires wait until the next regularly scheduled session in February?

Subject: A Proposal to Change the Formula for Calculating Retirees’ Benefits

Subject: Arguments for Expanding the Marysville Plant

Subject: Why Cassano’s Should Close Its West Side Store

Another option is to use common ground or a reader benefit—somethingthat shows readers that this message will help them.

InstantReplay

Use the directrequest patternwhen

• The audience willdo as you askwithout anyresistance.

• You need aresponse onlyfrom the peoplewho are willingto act.

• The audience isbusy and may notread all themessagesreceived.

• Yourorganization’sculture prefersdirect requests.

Use the problem-solving patternwhen

• The audience islikely to object todoing as you ask.

• You need actionfrom everyone.

• You trust theaudience to readthe entiremessage.

• You expect logicto be moreimportant thanemotion in thedecision.



Although your first paragraph may be negative in a problem-solving mes-sage, your subject line should be neutral or positive, to show that you are solv-ing a problem, not just reporting one.

Both directed subject lines and benefit subject lines can also be used as re-port titles.

How should I organize persuasive messages?In direct requests, start with the request.

In a problem-solving message, start with the problem youshare.

Start with the request only when you anticipate ready agreement, when youfear that a busy reader may not read a message whose relevance isn’t clear, orwhen your organization’s culture prefers direct requests.

Writing Direct RequestsWhen you expect quick agreement, save the reader’s time by presenting the re-quest directly.

1. Consider asking immediately for the information or service you want.Delay the request if it seems too abrupt or if you have several purposes inthe message.

2. Give readers all the information and details they will need to act onyour request. Number your questions or set them off with bullets so thereader can check to see that all of them have been answered.

In a claim (where a product is under warranty or a shipment wasdefective), explain the circumstances so that the reader knows whathappened. Be sure to include all the relevant details: date of purchase,model or invoice number, and so on.

In more complicated direct requests, anticipate possible responses.Suppose you’re asking for information about equipment meeting certainspecifications. Explain which criteria are most important so that thereader can recommend an alternative if no single product meets all yourneeds. You may also want to tell the reader what your price constraintsare and ask whether the item is in stock or must be special ordered.

3. Ask for the action you want. Do you want a check? A replacement? Acatalogue? Answers to your questions? If you need an answer by acertain time, say so. If possible, show the reader why the time limit isnecessary.


Subject: Reducing Energy Costs in the New Orleans Office

Energy costs in our New Orleans office have risen 12% in the last three years,even though the cost of gas has fallen and the cost of electricity has risenonly 5%.




Date: May 15, 2001

To: Michael Antonucci

From: David Anthony, Chair, BCS Suggestion Committee

Subject: Suggestion #97204

Please evaluate the attached suggestion by May 29.

• Should BCS adopt it? Why or why not?• Will it save the company money? If so, how much a year?• If the suggestion is adopted, how large an award should be given?

You may put your answers and brief reasons for them at the bottom of this page or send them to me by e-mail ([email protected]). Please get your response in by May 29 as the suggestion committee is meeting on May 30.

Thanks!

Spell outsubquestions

Makeactioneasy

Reason to actpromptly

Ask for theaction you want.

Put requestin ¶ 1.

Topic of requestin subject line

Interoffice MemoKeep each message to one topic.

Figure 12.2A Direct Request

Figure 12.1 summarizes this pattern. Figure 12.2 illustrates the pattern. Notethat direct requests do not contain reader benefits and do not need to overcomeobjections: they simply ask for what is needed.

Direct requests should be direct. Don’t make the reader guess what you want.

Indirect request: Is there a newer version of the 2000 Accounting ReferenceManual?

Direct request: If there is a newer version of the 2000 Accounting ReferenceManual, please send it to me.

In some direct requests, your combination of purposes may suggest a dif-ferent organization. For example, in a letter asking an employer to reimburseyou for expenses after a job interview, you’d want to thank your hosts for theirhospitality and cement the good impression you made at the interview. To dothat, you’d spend the first several paragraphs talking about the trip and the in-terview. Only in the last third of the letter (or even in the postscript) would youput your request for reimbursement.

Figure 12.1How to Organizea Direct Request

Request for Action

Details

Request for Action



Similarly, in a letter asking about a graduate program, a major purposemight be to build a good image of yourself so that your application for financial aid would be viewed positively. To achieve that goal, provide in-formation about your qualifications and interest in the field as well as askquestions.

Organizing Problem-Solving MessagesUse an indirect approach and the problem-solving pattern of organizationwhen you expect resistance from your reader but can show that doing whatyou want will solve a problem you and your reader share. This pattern allowsyou to disarm opposition by showing all the reasons in favor of your positionbefore you give your readers a chance to say no.

1. Describe the problem you both share (which your request willsolve). Present the problem objectively: Don’t assign blame or mentionpersonalities.

2. Give the details of the problem. Be specific about the cost in money,time, lost goodwill, and so on. You have to convince readers thatsomething has to be done before you can convince them that yoursolution is the best one.

3. Explain the solution to the problem. If you know that the reader willfavor another solution, start with that solution and show why it won’twork before you present your solution.

Present your solution without using the words I or my. Don’t letpersonalities enter the picture; don’t let the reader think he or she should say no just because you’ve had other requests accepted recently.

4. Show that any negative elements (cost, time, etc.) are outweighed bythe advantages.

5. Summarize any additional benefits of the solution. The mainbenefit—solving the problem—can be presented briefly since youdescribed the problem in detail. However, if there are any additionalbenefits, mention them.

6. Ask for the action you want. Often your reader will authorize orapprove something; other people will implement the action. Give yourreader a reason to act promptly, perhaps offering a new reader benefit.(“By buying now, we can avoid the next quarter’s price hikes.”)

Figure 12.3 summarizes the pattern. Figure 12.4 implements the pattern.Reader benefits can be brief in this kind of message because the biggest bene-fit comes from solving the problem.

How do I identify and overcome objections?Talk to your audience. Then try these strategies.

The easiest way to learn about objections your audience may have is to askknowledgeable people in your organization or your town.


InstantReplay

Organizing aDirect Request

1. Consider askingfor theinformation orservice youwant.

2. Give readers allthe informationor details theywill need to acton your request.

3. Ask for theaction youwant.

Figure 12.3How to Organizea Problem-SolvingPersuasiveMessage

Shared Problem

Details

Solution

Negatives

Reader Benefits

Request for Action




Sharedproblem

Specific example of

problem

Solution presented

impersonally

Additional reader benefit

Directed subject line indicates

writer's position

February 15, 2002

To: All Staff Members

From: Melissa J. Gutridge

Subject: Why We Are Implementing a New Sign-Out System

Successfully mainstreaming our clients into the community is very important and daily interaction with the public is necessary. Our clients enjoy the times they get to go to the mall or out to lunch instead of remaining here all day. Recently, however, clients have been taken out on activities without a staff member's knowing where the client is and whom the client is with.

We need to know where all clients are at all times because social workers, psycholo-gists, and relatives constantly stop by unannounced. Last week Janet's father stopped by to pick her up for a doctor's appointment and she was not here. No one knew where she was or whom she was with. Naturally her father was very upset and wanted to know what kind of program we were running. Staff members' not knowing where our clients are and whom they are with is damaging to the good reputation of our staff and program.

Starting Monday, February 25, a sign-out board will be located by Betty's desk. Please write down where you and the client are going and when you expect to be back. When signing out, help clients sign themselves out. We can turn this into a learning experience for our clients. Then when a social worker stops by to see someone who isn't here, we can simply look at the sign-out board to tell where the client is and when he or she will return.

Please help keep up the superb reputation you have helped Weststar earn as a quality center for adults with handicaps. Sign out yourself and clients at all times.Ask for

action

Figure 12.4A Problem-Solving Persuasive Message

• Phrase your questions nondefensively, in a way that doesn’t lock peopleinto taking a stand on an issue: “What concerns would you have about aproposal to do x?” “Who makes a decision about y?” “What do you likebest about [the supplier or practice you want to change]?”

• Ask follow-up questions to be sure you understand: “Would you belikely to stay with your current supplier if you could get a lower pricefrom someone else? Why?”



People are likely to be most aware of and willing to share objective con-cerns such as time and money. They will be less willing to tell you that theirreal objection is emotional. Readers have a vested interest in something ifthey benefit directly from keeping things as they are. People who are in powerhave a vested interest in retaining the system that gives them their power.Someone who designed a system has a vested interest in protecting that sys-tem from criticism. To admit that the system has faults is to admit that the de-signer made mistakes. In such cases, you’ll need to probe to find out what thereal reasons are.

The best way to deal with an objection is to eliminate it. To sell Jeep Chero-kees in Japan, Mitsuru Sato convinced Chrysler to put the driver’s seat on theright side, to make an extra preshipment quality check, and to rewrite the in-struction booklet in Japanese style, with big diagrams and cartoons.6

If an objection is false or based on misinformation, give the response to theobjection without naming the objection. In a brochure, you can present responses with a “question/answer” format. When objections have alreadybeen voiced, you may want to name the objection so that your audience real-izes that you are responding to that specific objection. However, to avoid so-lidifying the opposition, don’t attribute the objection to your audience. Instead,use a less personal attribution: “Some people wonder . . .”; “Some citizens areafraid that . . .”

If real objections remain, try one or more of the following strategies tocounter objections:

1. Specify how much time and/or money is required—it may not be asmuch as the reader fears.


FYI

Expert writers showhow evidenceproves the claimsthey make, limittheir claims, andrebutcounterarguments.

Source: Joanna G.Crammond, “The Usesand Complexity ofArgument Structures inExpert and StudentPersuasive Writing,”Written Communication15, no. 2 (April 1998):230–68.

The best way to overcome anobjection is to remove it entirely. In1993, Denny’s lost a $54 million classaction suit for racial discrimination.Since then, the company has workedhard to change its corporate culture.Perhaps the most dramatic evidenceof its success is increasing AfricanAmerican ownership. AkinOlajuwon (brother of the basketballstar) bought 63 restaurants in 1998,with an agreement to increase thatnumber to 100 by 2002.

Distributing flyers to each house or apartment in your neighborhoodwill probably take two afternoons.




The additional $152,500 will (1) allow The Open Shelter to remain open24 rather than 16 hours a day, (2) pay for three social workers to helpmen find work and homes, and (3) keep the Neighborhood Bank open,so that men don’t have to cash Social Security checks in bars and so thatthey can save up the $800 they need to have up front to rent anapartment.

By replacing the boiler now, we’ll no longer have to release steam thatthe overflow tank can’t hold. Depending on how severe the winter is, wecould save $100 to $750 a year in energy costs. If energy costs rise, we’llsave even more.

By being a Big Brother or a Big Sister, you’ll give a child the adultattention he or she needs to become a well-adjusted, productive adult.

These changes will mean more work for all of us. But we’ve got to cutour costs 25% to keep the plant open and to keep our jobs.

2. Put the time and/or money in the context of the benefits they bring.

4. Show that doing as you ask will benefit some group or cause the readersupports, even though the action may not help the reader directly.

3. Show that money spent now will save money in the long run.

5. Show the reader that the sacrifice is necessary to achieve a larger, moreimportant goal to which he or she is committed.

InstantReplay

Organizing aProblem-SolvingMessage

1. Describe aproblem youboth share(which yourrequest willsolve).

2. Give the detailsof the problem.

3. Explain thesolution to theproblem.

4. Show that anynegativeelements (cost,time, etc.) areoutweighed bythe advantages.

5. Summarize anyadditionalbenefits of thesolution.

6. Ask for theaction youwant.

6. Show that the advantages as a group outnumber or outweigh thedisadvantages as a group.

None of the locations is perfect. But the Backbay location gives us themost advantages and the fewest disadvantages.

With the hiring freeze, every department will need more lead time tocomplete its own work. By hiring another person, the PlanningDepartment could provide that lead time.

7. Turn a disadvantage into an opportunity.




What other techniques can make my messages morepersuasive?

Build credibility and emotional appeal. Use the righttone, and offer a reason to act promptly.

Persuasive messages—whether short-term or long-term—will be more effec-tive if you build credibility and emotional appeal, use the right tone, and offera reason to act promptly.

Build Credibility.Credibility is the audience’s response to you as the source of the message. Peo-ple are more easily persuaded by someone they see as expert, powerful, at-tractive, or trustworthy. A sexual abstinence program in Atlanta was effectivein large part because the lessons on how to say no without hurting the otherperson’s feelings were presented by teenagers slightly older than the studentsin the program. Adults would have been much less credible.7

When you don’t yet have the credibility that comes from being an expertor being powerful, build credibility by the language and strategy you use:

• Be factual. Don’t exaggerate. • Be specific. If you say “X is better,” show in detail how it is better. Show

the reader exactly where the savings or other benefits come from so thatit’s clear that the proposal really is as good as you say it is.

• Be reliable. If you suspect that a project will take longer to complete,cost more money, or be less effective than you originally thought, tell your audience immediately. Negotiate a new schedule that you can meet.

Build Emotional Appeal.Emotional appeal means making the reader want to do what you ask. Peopledon’t make decisions—even business decisions—based on logic alone. J. C.Mathes and Dwight W. Stevenson cite the following example. During his summer job, an engineering student who was asked to evaluate his com-pany’s waste treatment system saw a way that the system could be re-designed to save the company more than $200,000 a year. He wrote a reportrecommending the change and gave it to his boss. Nothing happened. Whynot? His supervisor wasn’t about to send up a report that would require himto explain why he’d been wasting more than $200,000 a year of the company’smoney.8

Stories and psychological description ( p. 135) are effective waysof building emotional appeal. Emotional appeal works best when peoplewant to be persuaded. Even when you need to provide statistics or num-bers to convince the careful reader that your anecdote is a representativeexample, telling a story first makes your message more persuasive. Recentresearch suggests that stories are more persuasive because people remem-ber them.9




Use the Right Tone.When you ask for action from people who report directly to you, you have sev-eral choices. Even orders (“Get me the Ervin file”) and questions (“Do we havethe third quarter numbers yet?”) will work. When you need action from co-workers, superiors, or people outside the organization, you need to be moreforceful but also more polite.

Avoiding messages that sound parental or preachy is often a matter of tone.Saying “Please” is a nice touch, especially to people on your level or outsidethe organization. Tone will also be better when you give reasons for your request.

Parental: Everyone is expected to comply with these regulations. I’m sureyou can see that they are commonsense rules needed for ourbusiness.

Better: Even on casual days, visitors expect us to be professional. So leavethe gym clothes at home!

When you write to people you know well, humor can work. Just make surethat the message isn’t insulting to anyone who doesn’t find the humor funny.

Writing to superiors is trickier. You may want to tone down your requestby using subjunctive verbs and explicit disclaimers that show you aren’t tak-ing a yes for granted.

Arrogant: Based on this evidence, I expect you to give me a new computer.

Better: If department funds permit, I would like a new computer.

Passive verbs and jargon sound stuffy. Use active imperatives—perhapswith “Please”—to create a friendlier tone.

Stuffy: It is requested that you approve the above-mentioned action.

Better: Please authorize us to create a new subscription letter.

To persuade, be prepared to appeal to emotions as well as to logic.



234

Preparing for a PerformanceAppraisal

Most organizations appraise, or evaluate, theperformance of workers at least once a year.Use the occasion to

• Find out what your boss thinks aboutyour performance.

• Ask for the training and experience youwant.

• Communicate your ambitions.

Some supervisors are reluctant to talkabout subordinates’ weaknesses. If your super-visor doesn’t specify them, ask, “What are thetwo or three things I could do that would mostimprove my performance?”

In the 21st century, no job is forever. To re-main employable, you need to add to your

current skill set and get new experiences (not just keep doing the same old thing). Beready to name one or two training programsyou’d like to take in the next six months. Indi-cate the kinds of projects you’d like a chanceto try.

Let your boss know that you want to con-tribute even more to the organization; make itclear that you’re interested in lateral or verticalmoves. Ask, “What kinds of things should I donow so that I’m promotable a year [or two]from now?”

Having frequent discussions about work isa sign that your supervisor sees you as pro-motable. If your supervisor just asks you“yes/no” questions, he or she may not think of you as someone who has the ability or de-sire to advance. You can use the performanceappraisal to change the way your supervisorsees you.

Building a Critical Skill

Offer a Reason for the Reader to Act Promptly.The longer people delay, the less likely they are to carry through with the ac-tion they had decided to take. In addition, you want a fast response so you cango ahead with your own plans.

Request action by a specific date. Always give people at least a week ortwo: They have other things to do besides respond to your requests. Setdeadlines in the middle of the month, if possible. If you say, “Please re-turn this by March 1,” people will think, “I don’t need to do this tillMarch.” Ask for the response by February 28 instead. If you can use aresponse even after the deadline, say so. Otherwise, people who can’tmake the deadline may not respond at all.

Show why you need a quick response:

• Show that the time limit is real. Perhaps you need informationquickly to use it in a report that has a due date. Perhaps a decisionmust be made by a certain date to catch the start of the school year,the holiday selling season, or an election campaign. Perhaps youneed to be ready for a visit from out-of-town or internationalcolleagues.

• Show that acting now will save time or money. If business is slowand your industry isn’t doing well, then your company needs to actnow (to economize, to better serve customers) in order to becompetitive. If business is booming and everyone is making a profit,then your company needs to act now to get its fair share of theavailable profits.

• Show the cost of delaying action. Will labor or material costs behigher in the future? Will delay mean more money spent onrepairing something that will still need to be replaced?

Site to See

Go towww.nara.gov/exhall/powers/powers.html

Persuasion can be based onpositive or negative appeals.Part I of this exhibition ofWorld War II poster artpresents positive appealsfocusing on confidence,patriotism, and strength.Part II presents negativeappeals: suspicion, fear, andhate.




As Abraham Lincolnsaid, people are bestpersuaded by reasonsthey discover forthemselves. A recentexample of this strategyis The Blair Witch Project.The film’s Web siteprovided “documents”and video clips fornearly a year before thefilm was released, allmaintaining the illusionthat the film was a realdocumentary. Audiencemembers had thefeeling that they’ddiscovered the film forthemselves. The film,which cost $60,000 tomake, earned $121million in the first fiveweeks.

What are the most common kinds of persuasivemessages?

Orders, collection letters, performance appraisals, andletters of recommendation.

Orders, collection letters, performance appraisals, and letters of recommenda-tion are among the most common varieties of persuasive messages.

OrdersOrders may be written on forms, phoned in, or made by clicking on boxes onthe Web. When you write an order,

• Be specific. Give model or page numbers, colors, finishes, and so forth.• Tell the company what you want if that model number is no longer

available.• Double-check your arithmetic, and add sales tax and shipping charges.

Collection LettersMost businesses find that phoning rather than writing results in faster pay-ment. But as more and more companies install voice mail systems, you maysometimes need to write letters when leaving messages doesn’t work.



Collection letters ask customers to pay (as they have already agreed to do)for the goods and services they have already received. Good credit depart-ments send a series of letters. Letters in the series should be only a week or twoapart. Waiting a month between letters implies that you’re prepared to wait along time—and the reader will be happy to oblige you!

Early letters are gentle, assuming that the reader intends to pay but hasmet with temporary reverses or has forgotten. However, the request should as-sume that the check has been mailed but did not arrive. A student who had notyet been reimbursed by a company for a visit to the company’s office put thesecond request in the P.S. of a letter refusing a job offer:


FYI

The average U.S.home receives 22pieces of mail eachweek. Of these,only 1.2 pieces arepersonal mail.

Source: “Deck the Box,”American Demographics,November 1999, 72.

P.S. The check to cover my expenses when I visited your office in Marchhasn’t come yet. Could you check to see whether you can find a record ofit? The amount was $490 (airfare $290, hotel room $185; taxi $15).

If one or two early letters don’t result in payment, call the customer to askif your company has created a problem. It’s possible that you shipped some-thing the customer didn’t want or sent the wrong quantity. It’s possible that theinvoice arrived before the product and was filed and forgotten. It’s possiblethat the invoice document is poorly designed, so customers set it aside untilthey can figure it out. If any of these situations apply, you’ll build goodwill bysolving the problem rather than arrogantly asking for payment.10

Middle letters are more assertive in asking for payment. Figure 9.2 ( p. 150) gives an example of a middle letter. Other middle letters offer tonegotiate a schedule for repayment if the reader is not able to pay the wholebill immediately, may remind the reader of the importance of a good credit rat-ing (which will be endangered if the bill remains unpaid), educate the readerabout credit, and explain why the creditor must have prompt payment.

Unless you have firm evidence to the contrary, assume that readers havesome legitimate reason for not yet paying. Even people who are “juggling” pay-ments because they do not have enough money to pay all their bills or peoplewho will put payment off as long as possible will respond more quickly if youdo not accuse them. If a reader is offended by your assumption that he or she isdishonest, that anger can become an excuse to continue delaying payment.

Late letters threaten legal action if the bill is not paid. Under federal law,the writer cannot threaten legal action unless he or she actually intends tosue. Other regulations also spell out what a writer may and may not do in alate letter.

Many small businesses find that establishing personal relationships withcustomers is the best way to speed payment.

Performance AppraisalsAt regular intervals, supervisors evaluate, or appraise, the performance oftheir subordinates. In most organizations, employees have access to their files;sometimes they must sign the appraisal to show that they’ve read it. The su-perior normally meets with the subordinate to discuss the appraisal.



As a subordinate, you should prepare for the appraisal interview by listingyour achievements and goals. Where do you want to be in a year or five years?What training and experience do you need to reach your goals? Also thinkabout any weaknesses. If you need training, advice, or support from the or-ganization to improve, the appraisal interview is a good time to ask for thishelp.

Appraisals need to both protect the organization and motivate the em-ployee. These two purposes conflict. Most of us will see a candid appraisal asnegative; we need praise and reassurance to believe that we’re valued and cando better. But the praise that motivates someone to improve can come back tohaunt the company if the person does not eventually do acceptable work. Anorganization is in trouble if it tries to fire someone whose evaluations nevermention mistakes.

Avoid labels (wrong, bad) and inferences. Instead, cite specific observationsthat describe behavior.

Inference: Sam is an alcoholic.

Vague Sam calls in sick a lot. Subordinates complain about hisobservation: behavior.

Specific Sam called in sick a total of 12 days in the last two months.observation: After a business lunch with a customer last week, Sam was

walking unsteadily. Two of his subordinates have said that theywould prefer not to make sales trips with him because theyfind his behavior embarrassing.

Sam might be an alcoholic. He might also be having a reaction to a physician-prescribed drug; he might have a mental illness; he might be showing symptomsof a physical illness other than alcoholism. A supervisor who jumps to conclu-sions creates ill will, closes the door to solving the problem, and may providegrounds for legal action against the organization.

Be specific in an appraisal.

Too vague: Sue does not manage her time as well as she could.

Specific: Sue’s first three weekly sales reports have been three, two, andfour days late, respectively; the last weekly sales report for themonth is not yet in.

Without specifics, Sue won’t know that her boss objects to late reports. Shemay think that she is being criticized for spending too much time on sales callsor for not working 80 hours a week. Without specifics, she might change thewrong things in a futile effort to please her boss.

Good supervisors try not only to identify the specific problems in subordi-nates’ behavior but also in conversation to discover the causes of the problem.Does the employee need more training? Perhaps a training course or a mentorwill help. Does he or she need to work harder? Then the supervisor needs tomotivate the worker and help him or her manage distractions. Is a difficult sit-uation causing the problem? Perhaps the situation can be changed. If it can’t bechanged, the supervisor and the company should realize that the worker is notat fault.




February 13, 2001

To: Barbara Buchanan

From: Brittany Papper

Subject: Your Performance Thus Far in Our Collaborative Group

You have been a big asset to our group. Overall, our business communication group has been one of the best groups I have ever worked with, and I think that only minor improvements are needed to make our group even better.

What You're Doing Well

You demonstrated flexibility and compatibility at our last meeting before we turned in our proposal on February 12 by offering to type the proposal since I had to study for an exam in one of my other classes. I really appreciated this because I really did not have the time to do it. I will definitely remember this if you are ever too busy with your other classes and cannot type the final report.

Another positive critical incident occurred February 5. We had discussed researching the topic of sexual discrimination in hiring and promotion at Midstate Insurance. As we read more about what we had to do, we became uneasy about reporting the information from our source who works at Midstate. I called you later that evening to talk about changing our topic to a less personal one. You were very understanding and said that you agreed that the original topic was a touchy one. You offered suggestions for other topics and had a positive attitude about the adjustment. Your suggestions ended my worries and made me realize that you are a positive and supportive person.

Your ideas are a strength that you definitely contribute to our group. You're good at brainstorming ideas, yet you're willing to go with whatever the group decides. That's a nice combination of creativity and flexibility.

Areas for Improvement

Two minor improvements could make you an even better member.

The first improvement is to be more punctual to meetings. On February 5 and February 8 you were about 10 minutes late. This makes the meetings last longer. Your ideas arevaluable to the group, and the sooner you arrive the sooner we can share in your suggestions.

The second suggestion is one we all need to work on. We need to keep our meetings positive and productive. I think that our negative attitudes were worst at our first group meeting February 5. We spent about half an hour complaining about all the work we had to do and about our busy schedules in other classes. In the future if this happens, maybe you could offer some positive things about the assignment to get the group motivated again.

Overall Compatibility

I feel that this group has gotten along very well together. You have been very flexible in finding times to meet and have always been willing to do your share of the work. I have never had this kind of luck with a group in the past and you have been a welcome breath of fresh air. I don't hate doing group projects any more!

Overallevaluation

Otherstrengths

Specificobserva-

tionsprovidedates,

details ofperfor-mance

Specificbehaviorto bechanged

Specificrecommendations for improvement

Subject line indicates that memo is a performance

appraisal

Positive,forward-lookingending

Figure 12.5A Performance Appraisal




Appraisals are more useful to subordinates if they make clear which areasare most important and contain specific recommendations for improvement.No one can improve 17 weaknesses at once. Which two should the employeework on this month? Is getting in reports on time more important than in-creasing sales? The supervisor should explicitly answer these questions duringthe appraisal interview.

Phrase goals in specific, concrete terms. The subordinate may think that“considerable progress toward completing” a report may mean that the proj-ect should be 15% finished. The boss may think that “considerable progress”means 50% or 85% of the total work.

Letters of RecommendationIn an effort to protect themselves against lawsuits, some companies stateonly how long they employed someone and the position that person held.Such bare-bones letters have themselves been the target of lawsuits whenemployers did not reveal relevant negatives. Whatever the legal climate,there may be times when you want to recommend someone for an award orfor a job.

Letters of recommendation must be specific. General positives that are notbacked up with specific examples and evidence are seen as weak recommen-dations. Letters of recommendation that focus on minor points also suggestthat the person is weak.

Figure 9.3 ( p. 151) is a letter of recommendation. Either in the firstor the last paragraph, summarize your overall evaluation of the person.Early in the letter, perhaps in the first paragraph, show how well and howlong you’ve known the person. In the middle of the letter, offer specific de-tails about the person’s performance. At the end of the letter, indicatewhether you would be willing to rehire the person and repeat your overallevaluation.

Experts are divided on whether you should include negatives. Some peo-ple feel that any negative weakens the letter. Other people feel that presentingbut not emphasizing honest negatives makes the letter more convincing.

In many discourse communities, the words “Call me if you need more in-formation” in a letter of recommendation mean “I have negative informationthat I am unwilling to put on paper. Call me and I’ll tell you what I reallythink.”

How can PAIBOC help me write persuasive messages?The PAIBOC questions help you examine the points yourmessage should include.

Before you tackle the assignments for this module, examine the followingproblem. As in Modules 10 and 11, the PAIBOC questions probe the basicpoints required for a solution. Study the two sample solutions to see whatmakes one unacceptable and the other one good.11 The checklists at the end ofthe module in Figures 12.8 and 12.9 can help you evaluate a draft.



ProblemIn one room in the production department of Golden Electronics Company,employees work on computer monitors in conditions that are scarcely bearabledue to the heat. Even when the temperature outside is only 75°, it is over 100°in the monitor room. In June, July, and August, 24 out of 36 workers quit be-cause they couldn’t stand the heat. This turnover happens every summer.

In a far corner of the room sits a quality control inspector in front of a smallfan (the only one in the room). The production workers, in contrast, are carrying20-pound monitors. As Production Supervisor, you tried to get air-conditioningtwo years ago, before Golden acquired the company, but management was hor-rified at the idea of spending $500,000 to insulate and air-condition the warehouse(it is impractical to air-condition the monitor room alone).

You’re losing money every summer. Write a memo to Jennifer M. Kirkland,Operations Vice President, renewing your request.

Analysis of the ProblemP What are your purposes in writing or speaking?

To persuade Kirkland to authorize insulation and air-conditioning. Tobuild a good image of myself.

A Who is (are) your audience(s)? How do the members of your audiencediffer from each other? What characteristics are relevant to this particularmessage?

The Operations Vice President will be concerned about keeping costslow and keeping production running smoothly. Kirkland may knowthat the request was denied two years ago, but another person wasvice president then; Kirkland wasn’t the one who said no.

I What information must your message include?

The cost of the proposal. The effects of the present situation.

B What reasons or reader benefits can you use to support your position?

Cutting turnover may save money and keep the assembly linerunning smoothly. Experienced employees may produce higher-quality parts. Putting in air-conditioning would relieve one of theworkers’ main complaints; it might make the union happier.

O What objections can you expect your reader(s) to have? What negativeelements of your message must you deemphasize or overcome?

The cost. The time operations will be shut down while installation istaking place.

C How will the context affect the reader’s response? Think about yourrelationship to the reader, morale in the organization, the economy, thetime of year, and any special circumstances.

Prices on computer components are falling; interest rates are rising.The company will be reluctant to make a major expenditure.Unemployment is very low, and filling vacancies in the monitor room




is hard—we are getting a reputation as a bad place to work. Summeris over, and the problem is over until next year.

Discussion of the Sample SolutionsSolution 1, shown in Figure 12.6, is unacceptable. By making the request in thesubject line and the first paragraph, the writer invites a no before giving all the ar-guments. The writer does nothing to counter the objections that any manager willhave to spending a great deal of money. By presenting the issue in terms of fair-ness, the writer produces defensiveness rather than creating a common ground.The writer doesn’t use details or emotional appeal to show that the problem is in-deed serious. The writer asks for fast action but doesn’t show why the readershould act now to solve a problem that won’t occur again for eight months.

Solution 2, shown in Figure 12.7, is an effective persuasive message. Thewriter chooses a positive subject line. The opening sentence is negative, catching


Date: October 12, 2001

To: Jennifer M. Kirkland, Operations Vice President

From: Arnold M. Morgan, Production Supervisor

Subject: Request for Air-Conditioning the Monitor Room

Please put air-conditioning in the monitor room. This past summer, 2/3 of our employees quit because it was so hot. It's not fair that they should work in unbearable temperatures when management sits in air-conditioned comfort.

I propose that we solve this problem by air-conditioning the monitor room to bring down the temperature to 78o.

Insulating and air-conditioning the monitor room would cost $500,000.

Please approve this request promptly.

Request in subject line

stiffens resistance when

reader is reluctant

Inappropriateemphasis on writer

attacks reader

Cost sounds enormous without

a contextMemo sounds arrogant.

Logic isn't developed.

This attacks reader instead of enlisting

reader's support.

Figure 12.6An Unacceptable Solution to the Sample Problem




Date: October 12, 2001

To: Jennifer M. Kirkland, Operations Vice President

From: Arnold M. Morgan, Production Supervisor

Subject: Improving Summer Productivity

Golden forfeited a possible $186,000 in profits last summer due to a 17% drop in productivity. That's not unusual: Golden has a history of low summer productivity. But we can reverse the trend and bring summer productivity in line with the rest of the year's.

The problem starts in the monitor room. Due to high turnover and reduced efficiency from workers who are on the job, we just don't make as many monitors as we do during the rest of the year.

Both the high turnover and reduced efficiency are due to the unbearable heat in the monitor room. Temperatures in the monitor room average 25o over the outside temperature. During the summer, when work starts at 8, it's already 85o in the tube room. By 11:30, it's at least 105o. On six days last summer, it hit 120o. When the temperatures are that high, we may be violating OSHA regulations.

Production workers are always standing, moving, or carrying 20-lb. monitors. When temperatures hit 90o, they slow down. When no relief is in sight, many of them quit.

We replaced 24 of the 36 employees in the monitor room this summer. When someone quits, it takes an average of five days to find and train a replacement; during that time, the trainee produces nothing. For another five days, the new person can work at only half speed. And even "full speed" in the summer is only 90% of what we expect the rest of the year.

Here's where our losses come from:

Normal production = 50 units a person each day (upd)

Loss due to turnover: loss of 24 workers for 5 days = 24 at 1/2 pace for 5 days = Total loss due to turnover =

Loss due to reduced efficiency: loss of 5 upd x 12 workers x 10 days = loss of 5 upd x 36 x 50 days = Total loss due to reduced efficiency =

Total Loss =

Good to showproblem can be

resolved

Additionalreason to

solve problem

6,000 units3,000 units9,000 units

600 units 9,000 units9,600 units

18,600 units

Moredetailsaboutproblem

Shows detail–Set up like an

arithmeticproblem

Reader benefitin subject line

Sharedproblem

Cause ofproblem

Figure 12.7A Good Solution to the Sample Problem



the reader’s attention by focusing on a problem the reader and writer share. How-ever, the paragraph makes it clear that the memo offers a solution to the problem.The problem is spelled out in detail. Emotional impact is created by taking thereader through the day as the temperature rises. The solution is presented im-personally. There are no I’s in the memo.

The memo stresses reader benefits: the savings that will result once the in-vestment is recovered. The last paragraph tells the reader exactly what to doand links prompt action to a reader benefit. The memo ends with a positive pic-ture of the problem solved.

Figures 12.8 and 12.9 provide checklists for direct requests and problem-solving persuasive messages.


Reason to actpromptly

Jennifer M. Kirkland 2 October 12, 2001

According to the accounting department, Golden makes a net profit of $10 on every monitor we sell. And, as you know, with the boom in computer sales, we sell every monitor we make. Those 18,600 units we don't produce are costing us $186,000 a year.

Bringing down the temperature to 78˚ (the minimum allowed under federal guidelines) from the present summer average of 112˚ will require an investment of $500,000 to insulate and air-condition the warehouse. Extra energy costs for the air-conditioning will run about $30,000 a year. We'll get our investment back in less than three years. Once the investment is recouped, we'll be making an additional $150,000 a year—all without buying additional equipment or hiring additional workers.

By installing the insulation and air-conditioning this fall, we can take advantage of lower off-season rates. Please authorize the Purchasing Department to request bids for the system. Then, next summer, our productivity can be at an all-time high.

Additionalbenefit

Ends on positive note ofproblem solved, reader

enjoying benefit

Shows wherenumbers inparagraph 1come from

Tells reader

what to do

Figure 12.7A Good Solution to the Sample Problem (concluded)




Figure 12.8

Direct RequestsChecklist for

� If the message is a memo, does the subject line indicate the request? Isthe subject line specific enough to differentiate this message fromothers on the same subject?

� Does the first paragraph summarize the request or the specific topic ofthe message?

� Does the message give all of the relevant information? Is there enoughdetail?

� Does the message answer questions or overcome objections thatreaders may have without introducing unnecessary negatives?

� Does the last paragraph ask for action? Does it give a deadline if oneexists and a reason for acting promptly?

And, for all messages, not just direct requests,� Does the message use you-attitude and positive emphasis?� Is the style easy to read and friendly?� Is the visual design of the message inviting?� Is the format correct?� Does the message use standard grammar? Is it free from typos?

Originality in a direct request may come from� Good lists and visual impact.� Thinking about readers and giving details that answer their questions,

overcome any objections, and make it easier for them to do as you ask.� Adding details that show you’re thinking about a specific organization

and the specific people in that organization.

✔




Figure 12.9

Problem-Solving Persuasive MessagesChecklist for

� If the message is a memo, does the subject line indicate the writer’spurpose or offer a reader benefit? Does the subject line avoid makingthe request?

� Is the problem presented as a joint problem both writer and readerhave an interest in solving, rather than as something the reader is beingasked to do for the writer?

� Does the message give all of the relevant information? Is there enoughdetail?

� Does the message overcome objections that readers may have?� Does the message avoid phrases that sound dictatorial, condescending,

or arrogant?� Does the last paragraph ask for action? Does it give a deadline if one

exists and a reason for acting promptly?

And, for all messages, not just persuasive ones,� Does the message use you-attitude and positive emphasis?� Is the style easy to read and friendly?� Is the visual design of the message inviting?� Is the format correct?� Does the message use standard grammar? Is it free from typos?

Originality in a problem-solving persuasive message may come from� A good subject line and common ground.� A clear and convincing description of the problem.� Thinking about readers and giving details that answer their questions,

overcome objections, and make it easier for them to do as you ask.� Adding details that show you’re thinking about a specific organization

and the specific people in that organization.

• Use the direct request pattern when • The audience will do as you ask

without any resistance.• You need a response only from the

people who are willing to act.• The audience is busy and may not read

all the messages received.• Your organization’s culture prefers

direct requests.

• Use the problem-solving pattern when • The audience is likely to object to

doing as you ask.• You need action from everyone.• You trust the audience to read the

entire message.• You expect logic to be more important

than emotion in the decision.

Summary of Key Points

✔




• In a direct request, put the request, thetopic of the request, or a question in thesubject line. Do not put the request in thesubject line of a problem-solvingpersuasive message. Instead, use adirected subject line that reveals yourposition on the issue or a reader benefit.Use a positive or neutral subject line evenwhen the first paragraph will be negative.

• In a direct request, consider asking in thefirst paragraph for the information orservice you want. Give readers all theinformation or details they will need to acton your request. In the last paragraph, askfor the action you want.

• Organize a problem-solving persuasivemessage in this way:1. Describe a problem you both share

(which your request will solve).2. Give the details of the problem.3. Explain the solution to the problem. 4. Show that any negative elements (cost,

time, etc.) are outweighed by theadvantages.

5. Summarize any additional benefits ofthe solution.

6. Ask for the action you want.• Readers have a vested interest in

something if they benefit directly fromkeeping things as they are.

• Use one or more of the following strategiesto counter objections:• Specify how much time and/or money

is required.• Put the time and/or money in the

context of the benefits they bring.• Show that money spent now will save

money in the long run.• Show that doing as you ask will benefit

some group the reader identifies withor some cause the reader supports.

• Show the reader that the sacrifice isnecessary to achieve a larger, moreimportant goal to which he or she iscommitted.

• Show that the advantages as a groupoutnumber or outweigh thedisadvantages as a group.

• Turn the disadvantage into anopportunity.

• To encourage readers to act promptly, set adeadline. Show that the time limit is real,that acting now will save time or money, orthat delaying action will cost more.

• Use the PAIBOC questions from Module 1to analyze persuasive situations.

Assignments for Module 12

Questions for Comprehension

12.3 How can you build credibility?12.4 How do specific varieties of persuasive

messages adapt the basic patterns?

12.1 How do you decide whether to use adirect request or a problem-solvingpersuasive message?

12.2 How do you organize a problem-solvingpersuasive message?

Questions for Critical Thinking12.5 What do you see as the advantages of

positive and negative appeals? Illustrateyour answer with specific messages,advertisements, or posters.




12.6 Is it dishonest to “sneak up on thereader” by delaying the request in aproblem-solving persuasive message?

12.7 Think of a persuasive message (or acommercial) that did not convince you toact. Could a different message haveconvinced you? Why or why not?

Questions for Building Skills12.8 What skills have you read about in this

module?12.9 What skills are you practicing in the

assignments you’re doing for this module?

12.10 How could you further develop theskills you’re working on?

Exercises and Problems

12.11 Revising a Form Memo

Going through the files, you find thisform memo:

Subject: Reimbursements

Enclosed are either receipts that we could not match with the items in your request for reimburse-ment or a list of items for which we found no receipts or both. Please be advised that theAccounting Department issues reimbursement checks only with full documentation. You cannot bereimbursed until you give us a receipt for each item for which you desire reimbursement. We mustask that you provide this information. This process may be easier if you use the Expense ReportForm which is available in your department.

Thank you for your attention to this matter. Please do not hesitate to contact us with questions.

You know this memo is horrible. Inaddition to wordiness, a total lack ofpositive emphasis and you-attitude, anda vague subject line, the documentdesign and organization of informationbury the request.

Create a new memo that could besent to people who do not provide allthe documentation necessary in order tobe reimbursed.

You’ve been hired as a staff accountant;one of your major duties will beprocessing expense reimbursements.

12.12 Recommending a Co-Worker for a Bonus or an Award

Recommend someone at your workplacefor a bonus or an award. The award canbe something bestowed by theorganization itself (Employee of theMonth, Dealership of the Year, and soforth), or it can be a community orcampus award (Business Person of theYear, Volunteer of the Year, an honorarydegree, and so forth).

As Your Instructor Directs,a. Create a document or presentation to

achieve the goal.b. Write a memo to your instructor

describing the situation at yourworkplace and explaining yourrhetorical choices (medium, strategy,tone, wording, graphics or documentdesign, and so forth).

12.13 Asking for a Raise or Reclassification

Do you deserve a raise? Should your jobbe reclassified to reflect your increasedresponsibilities (with more pay, of

course!)? If so, write a memo to the personwith the authority to determine pay andjob titles, arguing for what you want.




As Your Instructor Directs,a. Create a document or presentation to

achieve the goal.b. Write a memo to your instructor

describing the situation at your

workplace and explaining yourrhetorical choices (medium, strategy,tone, wording, graphics or documentdesign, and so forth).

12.14 Persuading Guests to Allow Extra Time for Checkout

Your hotel has been the headquarters fora convention, and on Sunday morningyou’re expecting 5,000 people to checkout before noon. You’re staffing thecheckout desk to capacity, but ifeveryone waits till 11:30 A.M. to checkout, things will be a disaster.

So you want to encourage people toallow extra time. And they don’t have tostand in line at all: by 4 A.M., you’ll put astatement of current charges under each

guest’s door. If that statement is correctand the guest is leaving the bill on thecredit card used at check-in, the guestcan just leave the key in the room andleave. You’ll mail a copy of the final billtogether with any morning charges bythe end of the week.

Write a one-page message that canbe put on pillows when the rooms aremade up Friday and Saturday night.

12.15 Persuading an Organization to Expand Flextime

County government offices are open from9 A.M. to 5 P.M. Employees have limitedflextime: they can come in and leave halfan hour early or half an hour late. Butemployees want much more flexiblehours. Some people want to start at 6 A.M.so they can leave at 2 P.M.; others want towork from 11 A.M. to 7 P.M.

When the idea has been proposed,supervisors have been very negative.“How will we hold staff meetings? Howcan we supervise people if everyoneworks different hours? We have to be herefor the public, and we won’t be if peoplework whatever hours they please.”

But conversations with co-workersand a bit of research show that there aresolutions. Many firms that use flextimerequire everyone to be at work (or atlunch) between 10 A.M. and 2 P.M. or 11A.M. and 2 P.M., so that staff meetings canbe scheduled. Right now, when clientscall, a representative is frequently on thephone and has to call back. Voice mail

and better message forms could solve theproblem. And flextime might actually letoffices stay open longer hours—say 8 A.M.to 6 P.M., which would be helpful fortaxpayers who themselves work 9 A.M. to5 P.M. and now can come in only on theirown lunch hours.

Write a memo to the CountyCommissioners, persuading them toapprove a change in work hours.

Hints:• Assume that this situation is

happening in your own countygovernment. What services does thecounty offer?

• Use any facts about your county thatare helpful (for example, beingespecially busy right now, having highturnover, whether tax issues have beenvoted up or down).

• Use what you know about managingto allay managers’ fears.

• Use your analysis from 2.15.

12.16 Persuading Disability Services to Increase the Handivan’s Hours

State University has a “Handivan” thattakes students in wheelchairs from their

residences or apartments to campuslocations and back again. But the van




stops at 6 P.M. (even though there areevening classes, lectures, and events).And it doesn’t take people to off-campusrestaurants, movies, grocery stores, or

shopping centers. Write to the Directorof Disability Services, urging that theHandivan’s services be increased.

From: John Inoye, Director of Personnel, Department of Taxation

Subject: Need Recommendation for Peggy Chafez

Peggy Chafez has applied for a position in the Department of Taxation. On the basis of her applica-tion and interview, she is the leading candidate. However, before I offer the job to her, I need aletter of recommendation from her current supervisor.

Could you please let me have your evaluation within a week? We want to fill the position as quicklyas possible.

As a supervisor in a state agency, youhave a dilemma. You received this e-mail message today:

12.17 Handling a Sticky Recommendation

Peggy has worked in your office for10 years. She designed, writes, and editsa monthly statewide newsletter thatyour office puts out; she designed andmaintains the department Web site. Herdesigns are creative; she’s a very hardworker; she seems to know a lot aboutcomputers.

However, Peggy is in many ways anunsatisfactory staff member. Herstandards are so high that most peoplefind her intimidating. Some find herabrasive. People have complained toyou that she’s only interested in her ownwork; she seems to resent requests tohelp other people with projects. And yetboth the newsletter and the Web pageare projects that need frequentinteraction. She’s out of the office a lot.Some of that is required by her job (shetakes the newsletters to the post office,for example), but some people don’t likethe fact that she’s out of the office somuch. They also complain that shedoesn’t return voice mail and e-mailmessages.

You think managing your officewould be a lot smoother if Peggyweren’t there. You can’t fire her: stateemployees’ jobs are secure once they get

past the initial six-month probationaryperiod. Because of budget constraints,you can hire new employees only ifvacancies are created by resignations.You feel that it would be pretty easy tofind someone better.

If you recommend that John Inoyehire Peggy, you will be able to hiresomeone you want. If you recommendthat John hire someone else, you may bestuck with Peggy for a long time.

As Your Instructor Directs,a. Write an e-mail message to John Inoye.b. Write a memo to your instructor listing

the choices you’ve made and justifyingyour approach.

Hints:• What are your options? Consciously

look for more than two.• Is it possible to select facts or to use

connotations so that you are truthfulbut still encourage John to hire Peggy?Is it ethical? Is it certain that Johnwould find Peggy’s work asunsatisfactory as you do? If you write astrong recommendation and Peggydoesn’t do well at the new job, willyour credibility suffer? Why is yourcredibility important?




12.18 Writing Collection Letters

but the band doesn’t seem verystable, and you want to be paid now.

c. A $3,750 bill, three weeks past due,for designing and printing a series ofbrochures for Creative Interiors, alocal interior decorating shop. Whenyou billed Creative Interiors, you gota note saying that the design was notacceptable and that you would not bepaid until you redesigned it (at noextra charge) to the owner’ssatisfaction. The owner had approvedthe preliminary design on which thebrochures were based; he did notexplain in the note what was wrongwith the final product. He’s neverfree when you are; indeed, when youcall to try to schedule anappointment, you’re told the ownerwill call you back—but he neverdoes. At this point, the delay is notyour fault; you want to be paid.

You have a small desktop publishingfirm. Today, you’ve set aside some timeto work on overdue bills.

As Your Instructor Directs,Write letters for one or more of thefollowing situations.a. A $750 bill for producing three

monthly newsletters for aveterinarian to mail to her clients.The agreement was that you’d billher $250 each month. But somehowyou haven’t sent out bills for the lasttwo months, so they’ll go on thismonth’s bill. You’d like payment forthe whole bill, and you want tocontinue this predictable income of$250 a month.

b. A $200 bill for creating flyers for arock band to post. You’ve called twiceand left messages on an answeringmachine, but nothing has happened.The bill is only three weeks overdue,

12.19 Getting Permission from Parents for a School Project

As part of a community cleanup program,all public-school students will spend theafternoon of the second Friday of Aprilpicking up trash. Younger students willpick up trash on school grounds, in parks,and in parking lots; older students willpick up trash downtown. Schoolteacherswill supervise the students; wherenecessary, school buses will transportthem. After students are finished, they’llreturn to their school’s playground, wherethey’ll be supervised until the end of theschool day. Each school will maintain astudy hall for any students whose parentsdo not give them permission toparticipate. Trash bags and snacks havebeen donated by local merchants.

Write a one-page cover letter thatstudents can take home to their parents

telling them about the project andpersuading them to sign the necessarypermission form. You do not need tocreate the permission form, but do referto it in your letter.

Hints:• What objections may parents have?

How can you overcome these?• Where should parents who drive their

kids to school pick them up?• Should students wear their normal

school clothing?• When must the form be returned?

Who gets it? Whom can parents call ifthey have questions before they signthe form?

12.20 Asking an Instructor for a Letter of Recommendation

You’re ready for the job market or fortransferring to a four-year or a graduate

school, and you need letters ofrecommendation.




As Your Instructor Directs,a. Assume that you’ve orally asked an

instructor for a recommendation, andhe or she has agreed to write one.“Why don’t you write up somethingto remind me of what you’ve done inthe class? Tell me what else you’vedone, too. And tell me what they’relooking for. Be sure to tell me whenthe letter needs to be in and whom itgoes to.”

b. Assume that you’ve been unable totalk with the instructor whoserecommendation you want. Whenyou call, no one answers the phone;you stopped by once and no one wasin. Write asking for a letter ofrecommendation.

c. Assume that the instructor is nolonger on campus. Write him or her aletter asking for a recommendation.

Hints:• Be detailed about the points you’d

like the instructor to mention. • How well will this instructor

remember you? How much detailabout your performance in his or herclass do you need to provide?

• Specify the name and address of theperson to whom the letter should bewritten; specify when the letter is due.If there’s an intermediate due date (forexample, if you must sign the outsideof the envelope to submit therecommendation to law school), say so.

My bank received this letter from one of your soon-to-be graduates. It seems as though a closerlook at writing skills is warranted.

To Whom It May Concern:

This is in reference to the loan soliciation that I received in the mail. This is the second offer that Iam now inquiring about. The first offer sent to my previous address I did not respond. Butaftersome careful thought and consideration I think it wise to consolidate my bills. Therefore I hopethe information provided is sufficient to complete a successful application. I think the main purposeof this loan is to enable me to repair my credit history. I have had problems in the past because ofjob status as part-time and being a student. I will be graduating in June and now I do have a full-time job. I think I just need a chance to mend the past credit problems that I have had.

As Director of Business Communication,you get this letter from Sharon Davis, a

member of your college advisory boardand a major donor:

12.21 Recommending Investments*

Recommend whether your instructorshould invest in a specific stock, piece ofreal estate, or other investment. As yourinstructor directs, assume that yourinstructor has $1,000, $10,000, or$100,000 to invest.

Hints:• Pick a stock, property, or other

investment you can research easily.

• What are your instructor’s goals? Ishe or she saving for a house? For

retirement? For kids’ collegeexpenses? To pay off his or her own student loans? When will themoney from the investment beneeded?

• How much risk is your instructorcomfortable with?

• Is your instructor willing to put timeinto the investment (as managing arental house would require)?

*Based on an assignment created by CathyRyan, The Ohio State University.

12.22 Retrieving Your Image




(The next two inches of the letter areblocked out, and both the signature andtyped name are crossed out so that theycannot be read.)

As Your Instructor Directs,Write toa. The faculty who teach business

communication, reminding them that

the quality of student writing mayaffect fund-raising efforts.

b. Ms. Davis, convincing her thatindeed your school does make everyeffort to graduate students who canwrite.

ATTENTION!

DERELICTS

If you are a rent derelict (and you know if you are) this communique is directed to you!

RENT IS DUE THE 5TH OF EACH MONTH AT THE LATEST!

LEASE HAS A 5-DAY GRACE PERIOD UNTIL THE 5TH OF THE MONTH NOT THE 15TH.

If rent is not paid in total by the 5th, you will pay the $25.00 late charge. You will pay the $25.00late charge when you pay your late rent or your rent will not be accepted.

Half of you people don’t even know how much you pay a month. Please read your lease instead ofcalling up to waste our time finding out what you owe per month! Let’s get with the program so Ican spend my time streamlining and organizing maintenance requests. My job is maintenance only.

RENT PAYMENT IS YOUR JOB!

If you can show up for a test on time, why can’t you make it to the rental office on time or just mail it.

P.S. We don’t take cash any longer due to a major theft.

12.23 Persuading Employees to Join the Company Volleyball Team

Your company has decided to start a company volleyball team to play inthe city recreation league. Now, youneed to get people to sign up for theteam. Ideally, you’d like to haveseveral teams to involve as manypeople as possible and build companyloyalty. If you have enough teams, they can play each other once a week in a round-robin companytournament.

Write a memo to all employeespersuading them to sign up.

Hints:• How young and how athletic are

your employees? How busy are they?Will this be an easy or a difficult thingto persuade them to do?

• Some people may be reluctant tojoin because their skills are rusty.How can you persuade people thatyou want everyone to participateeven if they’re not athletic?

• Will the people who sign up have topay anything or buy uniforms?

• How do people sign up? Is there adeadline?

12.24 Persuading Tenants to Pay the Rent

As the new manager of an apartmentcomplex, you find this message in thefiles:




This message is terrible. It lacks you-attitude and may even encourage peoplewho are now paying on the first to waituntil the 5th.

Write a message to go to people whohave been slow to pay in the past.

12.25 Writing a Performance Appraisal for a Member of a Collaborative Group

During your collaborative writing groupmeetings, keep a log of events. Recordspecific observations of both effective andineffective things that group members do.Then evaluate the performance of theother members in your group. (If thereare two or more other people, write aseparate appraisal for each of them.)

In your first paragraph, summarizeyour evaluation. Then in the body ofyour memo, give the specific details thatlead to your evaluation by answeringthe following questions:

• What specifically did the person doin terms of the task? Brainstormideas? Analyze the information?Draft the text? Suggest revisions inparts drafted by others? Format thedocument or create visuals? Revise?Edit? Proofread? (In most cases,several people will have done eachof these activities together. Don’toverstate what any one person did.)What was the quality of the person’swork?

• What did the person contribute to thegroup process? Did he or she help

schedule the work? Raise or resolveconflicts? Make other group membersfeel valued and included? Promotegroup cohesion? What roles did theperson play in the group?Support your generalizations with

specific observations. The moreobservations you have and the moredetailed they are, the better yourappraisal will be.

As Your Instructor Directs,a. Write a midterm performance

appraisal for one or more members ofyour collaborative group. In eachappraisal, identify the two or threethings the person should try toimprove during the second half of theterm.

b. Write a performance appraisal for oneor more members of your collaborativegroup at the end of the term. Identifyand justify the grade you think eachperson should receive for the portionof the grade based on group process.

c. Give a copy of your appraisal to theperson about whom it is written.

Polishing Your Prose

can use narrative voice. The voice in memos,letters, and reports can be friendly, assertive,bureaucratic, threatening, or confident, toname just a few possibilities.

Narrative Voice

Narrative voice refers to the “personality” ofa narrator. Words, phrases, expressions, andtone convey narrative voice. Like fiction andcomposition, business communication, too,




Sir,

I find myself constrained by a present exigence, to beg you to balance the account betweenus. Though matters have run into some length, yet I would not have applied to you, had I known sowell to answer my pressing occasions any other way. If it suits you not to pay the whole, I beg, sir,you will remit me as much towards it as you can, without prejudice to your own affairs; and it willextremely oblige

Your most humble Servant

Consider the following 18th-centurycollection letter.

What phrases sound 250 years old? Is thenarrator educated? How do you know? Doesthe narrator sound like anyone you know?Would this letter work today?

Narrative voice is as individual as person-ality. However, we have some control overnarrative voice—we can choose the languagewith which we communicate. Knowing yourown voice can help you to understand the“personality” it demonstrates.

Exercises

Read the following passages. How would youcharacterize the narrative voice in each? Whichvoices seem appropriate for good businesscommunication? Try using your own words tocommunicate the same basic message.

1. Employees will clock in at their desig-nated hour. Employees will follow theirassigned schedules to the letter. Therewill be NO EXCEPTION to these rules.

2. Hi, Mr. Mills! Just stop in to pick up yourorder when you get a chance. Give us aring if you want delivery. Thanks!!

3. Please find enclosed my résumé, whichspeaks to my superlative and mostrelevant qualities as candidate for theadvertised position of account executivewith your illustrious organization.

4. Get your act together or you’re fired. Gotit?

5. It’s, like, one of the biggest, like, ideasour department has ever had, you know?For sure.

6. Pertaining to the party of the first part,hereafter called “party first,” andexcepting any and all objections from theparty of the second part, hereafter called“party second,” this amendment shall beconsidered null and void with properwritten notice three (3) days prior to theexecution of the original agreement.

7. Congratulations on your recentpromotion to district manager, Rita. Allof us in Accounting look forward toworking with you in the near future.

8. I QUIT.

9. In the event of catastrophic LAN failure,users will

1. Perform SYS/MD-3 shutdown foraffected systems.

2. Engage standard recovery matrix(SRM), per #4105.1 in SYS/MDManual (2000: H3-H12).

3. Record time and date, RE: LANFailure, in compliance log, cc.MEISNER.

4. Notify Data Services at ext. 5547,ATTN: J.J. MEISNER.

10. Nope. This idea won’t work. It’s not verygood. I’m not sure the project is evenworth our time anymore. I’m definitelynot interested in having a meeting todiscuss it. Don’t call me unless youeggheads hatch something better.

Check your answers to the odd-numberedexercises at the back of the book.

abc

Documents

building critical

operations

operations

explaining

additional

solving persuasive

7a good solution

direct request