a narrative in new masculinity - matthew b. drake

ANarrativeinNewMasculinity

MatthewB.Drake

IntroductionYouareaLicensedClinicalSocialWorker ina largemetropolitanarea. You specialize in mens issues and have received anEmployeeAssistanceProgram(EAP)referraltoworkwithScott,a36yearold Caucasianmale,whowas recently laid off from hisjob. He described depressive symptoms and difficulty findingmeaninginhislife.Heismarriedandhastwochildrenunderfiveyearsold.Youhave fivesessionswithScott toassess, treat,andreferifnecessary.Youarenotrequiredtodiagnosis.

After receiving the referral, you call Scott and set anappointment tomeetatyouroffice.He isengagingand cordial,stating he looks forward tomeetingwith you. The sessions arefreeforScottandwillbepaidforbytheEAP.HeisnotrequiredtofilloutanyEAPmandatedpaperworkotherthanreceiptofHIPPAregulations.

YoubeginthinkingaboutyourfirstsessionwithScottandyouarestruckbythedescriptionthatScottwashavingdifficultyfindingmeaning in his life. You are trained innarrative therapyand believe it provides the bestmeans to createmeaning in aclients life.Because of this, you decide to implement narrativeinterventions with Scott. The narrative approach acknowledgeshumanbeingsaremeaningseekers(Polkinghorne,2004)anditisthecreationandattachmenttodysfunctionalstoriesthat leadtodifficulty in the lives of individuals. Furthermore, narrativetherapyisbuiltupontheassumptionsofconstructivismandsocial

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constructionism.Constructivismandsocialconstructionsharethebeliefthatrealityisaconstructthatiscreatedbyanindividualorgroup(Phipps&Vorster,2009).Constructivismsactofknowingisinterpretive and subjective; therefore the individual can neverpossessanobjectiveknowledge (Phipps&Vorster,2009).Socialconstructionism is a development of constructivism andpostulates that reality is an artifact of communal knowledge(Phipps&Vorster,2009).Therefore, it isaconstructsharedbyacommunity. Socialconstructionism isconsideredadevelopmentbeyond constructivism because reality goes beyond theindividualssubjectivemindandisturnedintoacreationofsocialinterchange(Phipps&Vorster,2009).Youbelievethistheoreticalframeworkwillprovide youwith an avenue tohelp Scottmakechangesinhislifeandconstructanewmeaning.

As you are contemplating the conceptual frameworks ofnarrative therapy and the emphasis of social construction ofreality,yourealizenarrativetherapyrecognizespowerimbalancesand its impact upon the creation of stories. Narratives oftenchangegiventheaudienceandthestorytellersassumptionsofthelistener. Because of this, it is extremely important that you, anarrative therapist,areawareof thesettingyoucreatebeforeawordisspoken.Withinthefirstfewminutesofthefirstsessionapresentation is made and assumptive realities are constructedinfluencedbyculturalbackgroundsthatshapeappearance,dress,postureandsexuality(Winslade,Crocket,&Monk,1997).

Questions

1. As a socialworker you are encouraged to identify as aprofessional and conduct yourself accordingly. It isnecessary to become selfreflexive and consider yourpresentation and actions within your professional role.Simpleexpressionsofselfsuchasdress,officedcor,andgreetingswillinfluencetheoutcomeoftreatment.Pleasereflectonhowyouwillpresenttoyourclient.Whatwillyouwear?Whatdoesyouoffice look like?Howwillyougreetyourclient?Thesequestionsarejustthebeginning;


whatelsemayyouthinkaboutwithinyourpresentation?What does the professional literature say about thetopic?Pleasecriticallyreflect.

2. Now, take it a step further and reflect deeper byexploringtheimpactofyourvaluesandbeliefsuponyoursocial work practice. How will your values and beliefsimpact your expression of self and the direction oftreatment?There isnorightorwronganswerhere, justthe necessity and goal of personal awareness throughselfreflectionwithinyour socialworkpractice.This isavitalskillthatwillbeatremendousassetforyouinyourfuture.Pleasetakeafewminutestocriticallyreflect.

3. Narrative therapy dismisses the belief that clients areobjects and that a detached therapist, in the role ofexpert, dictates the course of treatment based on amedical model of diagnosis and treatment. Narrativetherapyrecognizestheclientashuman,fullofweaknessandstrength,allowingtheclienttobetheexpertofhisorherownnarrativesandthetherapisttobetheexpert inthe process of therapy. Please critically assess yourthoughtsregardingconstructivistthinkingandthelackofanobjective truth in relation toyour roleasa therapistand the process of treatment. Is this conceptualframeworkcomfortableforyou?Pleaseexplain.

TheFirstSessionYougreetScottandinvitehimintoyouroffice.Hetakesaseat.Heis dressed casually and neatly. His affect and mood appearnormal.Scott is relaxedand sitting straight inhischair.Youwillbegin with his story and its deconstruction. Deconstruction isdefinedas:

The process of unpacking the takenfor grantedassumptions and ideas underlying social practices thatmasqueradeastruthorreality. It isachievedbybringingto lightthegapsorinconsistenciesinatext,discourse,ordominantstoryso that acceptance of the storys message or logic no longer


appears inevitable. Deconstruction is less adversarial and moreplayfulthancritiqueorconfrontation(Monk,1997,p.302). The followingquestionsarepossibleoptionstobeginthedeconstructingprocesswithScottandaredesignedtoexplorehishistory,itsinfluence,andeffect(Brown&AugustaScott,2007).

Whatbringsyouheretoday? Howhastheproblemimpactedyourdailylife? Whateffectdoestheproblemhaveinyourlife? Howhastheproblemaffectedyourlife? Howhastheproblemaffectedyourviewofself? Whendidtheproblembegin?

Questions

Itisimportantyouchooseastylethatiscomfortableforyouandnotforcedordetached.

1. Whichoftheabovequestionsfeelsmostnaturalforyouandyourstyle?

2. Are there ways to change them to become moremeaningfultoyou?

3. Pay special attention to the process of externalizationwithinthequestions.Asyoubegintodevelopyourownquestions make sure that the problem is externalizedfromtheclient.Forexample,Iamdepressedbecomesthe depression. Remember within narrative therapytheclientisnottheproblem,theproblemistheproblem.

TheFirstSessionContinuedYoubegintreatmentbystating:You: Whatbringsyouheretoday?Scott: Itallstartedwiththelayoff.Ihadknownaboutthe

possible layoffsmonthsbefore ithappened.Eachday I would go into work wondering if someonewasgoingtogetlaidoff.Therewastalk...peoplewereonedge...eversincetheeconomytanked.I


hadbeenwiththecompanyforalmosttenyears.Iheld a management position, lots of friends . . .goodtimes.And...Ihavechildren.Ithoughtthereis no way they will let me go. And then onemorning, last September, I got the tap on theshoulderasmybosswalkedby.Hesaidweneededto talk in his office. I still remember what I waswearing,thesmellofthecoffee . . . itwasVeronaBlend fromStarbucks. I lovedthatstuffandnow Icantdrinkthatshit...God!Whatahorribleday!Ijustremembergettingupandgoingintohisoffice.HetoldmetheywerereducingstaffandIwaspartofthegroup.HethankedmeforallIddone.Hesagoodguy . . . you know. Itwasnthis fault. So, Istoodup . . . shookhishand,andwalkedout thedoor. I couldnt even think. It was like I gotpunched by Mike Tyson. I was blank . . . like inshock.Iffelt likethewindwasknockedoutofme.Youknow that feeling? I somehowmade it tomydeskandcomposedmyself...andgotthehelloutofthere.Soon, Icouldntgetmymindtoshutoff.WhatthehellwasIgoingtodo?Mywife,mykids.. . I just kept thinking,why? You know . . . IwasgoingtogobackandgetmyMBA...thecompanywas going topay for it.Yeah . . . Andnow I getscared about losing the house, losing what wehave.NowIapplyforjobs...Ihavetoeveryweek...tomeettheobligationsofunemployment.Iamtired of applying to these jobs and myunemployment is going to run out soon. I keepthinking about these big time CEOs and theirsalaries.Itssick...disgusting!

YouprovideanempathicresponseandScottcontinues.


Scott: IamnotthesamepersonIwasayearago.IthinkImdepressed.There . . . Isaid it. I feel likeshit! Ihave no job . . .How am I suppose to feel?WepulledourkidsfromdaycareandnowIguessImastayathomedad.Thatsme.ThatwillbemeuntilIcan find a job . . . that may be forever. I cantbelievehowthingshavechanged.Isometimesfeellikemydaysareajoke.Imean...itcanbehardtogetoutofbed.IgotoparkswiththekidsandIamthe only dude there. Its so damn isolating andpeoplelookatmelikeImsomekindoffreakshow.Iplaywithmykidsbutitshard...likeIamgoingthroughthemotions,youknow.Honestly . . . likegoingthroughthemotions.Andthen,Ifeelguilty.Mywife comeshome and Im like . . . heybabe,you want a piece of your manly man. God, itsfrustrating. Kim is always saying be present andenjoyyourtimewiththem.ShesaysthekidsdontcareifIhaveajob...Imjustdaddytothem.Butit ishard,youknow. Shehasa lifeand Idont. Iwant that back. Where is my life? I tried to beactive . . . I would go to the pool and the guyswould ask how my vacation was going.Unbelievable!Ijustquitgoing.Istillgorunning...and it helps. But . . . I dont know. Sometimes,when Kim comes home I just disappear into thebasement. I grab a beer and turnon the game. Ijust try to not feel the frustration.Soon,Iwillbeoutofunemploymentandthingsaregoing toget crazy tight. Iworryabout thehouse,thekids, college savings . . .everything.But,howamIhelping?Ijustsitaroundalldayandwipemykidsbutts,dodiapers,andamlikesomepansyassmistermom.Ithink...like,ifthishappenedtomydadhewouldhavehadajobwithindays.Hewould


havemade something happen.Nowaywould hedothis...noway.

Questions

1. What are some of the themes in Scotts openingnarrative?

2. Whatcouldbethegrandnarrativeordominantstory?3. Critically examinehownarrative therapys emphasison

socialconstructionrelatestosystemstheory?Howdoesit compare or contrast to the personinenvironmentapproach? How do these frameworks shape Scottsstory?Howwillitshapethecourseoftreatment?

It isevidentthatScott ishavingdifficultywiththe lossof

hisjobandheexpressessymptomsofdepressionsuchassadnessanddespair.Heclearly identifieswith thedominantnarrativeofhisculturewhereboysaresocializedtonotcryandbeproviders.Thissubjectivetruthneedstobechallenged. TherearesomepositiveswithinScottsstoryandnarrativetherapybuildsuponstrengths.Scotthasmany;themoststrikingishis selfawareness,whichwillbeanasset in thecreationofanewnarrative.Healsodescribesastrongsupportnetwork,mainlyhiswife,who iswilling tohelp.Scotthasalsomadeaneffort tolookforjobsandmaintainsaphysicaloutlet.

YoudecidetobuilduponScottsstrengthsandaddresstheoverarching dominant narrative, gender role conflict. You beginbyassistingScottdiscoveranalternativestorytohisgenderroleconflict and exploring the possibility of accepting his role. Youcouldaskoneofthefollowingquestions:

Willyoutalkaboutatimewhenyoufeltgood inyourroleasastayathomedad?

Willyoudiscussatimewhenyoufeltmasculineinyourroleasastayathomedad?

Willyoushareatimewhenthedepressionwasgone?


Willyoudiscloseatimewhenyoufeltinthemoment,present,withyourchildren?

Or,oneofyourown.TheSecondSessionScott isontimeforthesession.He isdressedcasually.Hismoodand affect appear within the normal range. He reports feelinggood about the last session and you process his thoughts andfeelings.Inthissession,youwanttoexplorehisrelationshipwithmasculinityandbeginwiththefollowingquestion.You: Willyoudescribeatimewhenyoufeltmasculine?Scott: You know this is an interesting question. Im a

masculineguy...Iwasacollegeathleteandhavegained a lot through physical expression. But IdontthinkthatisallIam...IguessatworkIwasa good manager because I was a good listener.Peoplewouldtellmethat . . .thattheycouldtalktome. I tookpride in this . . . Iguess I feel like Ineed tobemoreofamannowwithouta job . . .Whateverthatmeans. ImdoingatonofpushupsandsitupswhenSeth isdoing tummy time. I justcrank emout! It is funand I feelgood.YouknowImaprotector . . .adaddybear!Thatmakesmefeelmasculine. I like to feel needed in thisway.When Kim says I look good, it makes me feelmasculine.Whenshegivesmethatlook,youknow.Thatfeelsgood.WhenIamplayingballwithSarahIfeelmasculine.Iguesstherearealotoftimes...I guess there are a lotof times I feel like aman.Workdoesnthavetobetheonlythingthatmakesmeaman.Beingaproviderandall . . .YouknowthoseCEOsarentmen...theyvegotnothingbutmoney.Shit!Idontknow...IfeellikeIamallovertheplacewiththis.Beingaman...Whatisaman?


Good question . . . I can feel you shrinking me(laughs).

Throughout the session you continue to explore and

deconstruct Scotts relationship and identification with thedominantnarrativeof traditionalmasculinity.At theendof thesession,yougivehimhomework.Youaskhimto findothermenor groups of men who have similar stories. He can do thishomework by simply looking online. The goal is to continue tocreate alternatives to traditional masculinity narratives thatpersistinsociety.

Question

1. TohelpScottnotfeelaloneor isolated inhisadaptationandjourneyintohisnewroleasastayathomedad,youhaveaskedhimtolookonlinetoseeifhecanfindothersin similar situations. You also decide to do your owninvestigation into the professional literature. Please dothisnowandapplyyourcriticalthinkingskills.HowmaywhatyoufindassistScott?You are mandated, as a social worker, to engage in

researchinformed practice which means you must turn to theliterature to assist your clients. Even in a type of therapy thatallowstheclienttobetheexpertofhislife,yourexpertisewillstillremainintheprocess.Literaturecanandwillinformthedirectionandprogressionoftreatment. By turning to the professional literature you discoveredthatanestimated143,000menhavebeenoutofworkforatleastone year to be the primary caregiver to their children (U.S.Census Bureau, 2006). There was also an 18% increase in thistrend between 1994 and 2001 (U.S. Census Bureau, 2002). Youlearnedthemeanageforastayathomedadinalargestudywas37 years old. Your research shows that these men are moresatisfiedwith lifeandhave lesspsychologicaldistress than theircollege peers (Rochlen,McKelley, Suizzo,& Scaringi, 2008). You


also discovered satisfaction does not come without its pitfalls.Stayathomedads reported feelingunderappreciatedanda lackofapproval from society (Zimmerman,2000).Most importantly,youfound ifmencandefinemasculinity intheirownterms,withflexibility, they will be happier (Rochlen, Suizzo, McKelley, &Scaringi,2008).

Also, by doing a nonprofessional search and simplygooglingstayathomedads,youhavefoundorganizationssuchasrebeldadwhichcouldassistScott inconnectingwithotherdadsstoriesanddadsinhiscommunity.

Question

1. Please reflect upon the importance of professionalliterature within your practice. How does the aboveinformationshapeyourtreatmentprogression?Howwillyouimplementresearchintoyourpractice?

TheThirdSession

Scott reports he completed his homework and hasconnectedwithafewgroupsofmenfromwebsitessuchasrebeldads. Itbecomesevident thathe isopeningup to the ideaofanewmasculinity. You report your literature review findings andyou and Scottdecide a good goal for todays sessionwillbe tocontinue todeconstruct traditionalmasculinity and the creationofanewnarrative.Youwanttofollowtheresearchandproduceaflexiblerelationshipwithmasculinity.

At the end of the session you give Scott a homeworkassignment towriteagoodbye letter to traditionalmasculinity.Youalsoinvitehiswifetothenextsession,hopingshewillprovidesupportandapprovalofhisnewnarrativeofmasculinity.TheFourthSession

Scottbringsthefollowinglettertothesession:


DearMarlboroMan,Iwastaughtlongagothatbecomingamanwouldbeadefiningmomentforme.ThroughoutmychildhoodIlearnedIcouldntcry,couldntbetoojoyful,andcouldntexpressanyemotion.LookingbackIrealizeItriedtoresistyou.Irejectedpartsofyou.Iallowedsomefeminineaspectsofmyselftosurfacesuchasempathyandwarmth.Ilikethosepartsofme.Theymakemewhole.IhaverealizedIneverwantedtobeyou.Youareajoke.Youarealie.Youareacreationofanillsociety.ItisthisbattlewithwhosocietywantsmetobeandwhoIreallyamthatiscreatingproblemsinmylife.Thejobwillcome.Now,Ihaveachancetodosomethingsubstantialinmylife.Iamdefininganewmasculinity.Onethatisnotrigid.WithinthismasculinityIcanbeexpressiveandIcanfeel.Itallowsmetobepresentwithmykids.Itallowsmetocrywithmywife.Itallowsmetobewhole.ThisiswhatIwant.Sotoday,Istartfreshandanewchapterbegins.Itbeginswithalittleboywhowantstocryanddoes.Everythingisokay,everythingisalright.Hegrowsuptobeatrueman.Hehasnoguiltandlesspain.Iamthatnewman.Marlboroman,itistimetosaygoodbye.Scott

Question

1. Thinkaboutyourownsocialization inrelationtogenderroles.Howdoesthisimpactwhoyouaretoday?Howwillyour personal socialized values coexist with yourprofessional values? How may you utilize the use ofletterswithinyourpractice?WheredoyougofromherewithScott?AsScottbeginstocreatethisnewnarrativeitisimportant

that his story be shared with others (Brown & AugustaScott,2007).Bydoingthis,thestorybecomesmoreconcreteandanew


reality isborn.Toaccomplishthis,youhaveaskedKimtoattendyour session. Scott reads her his letter. She is in tears andresponds:Kim: Scott, you are a wonderful man. That is why I

marriedyou.Youknowithasntbeeneasythepastyear. Things were easy before the layoff, but Ibelieve things happen for reasons and you havemadethemostofthis.Ihaveseenyoustruggling.Isaw you wanting to be what you thought wasmasculine,butyouaremore than that.Youareawonderfulhusbandandfather.Justbe...justbe.Goodthingsarecoming...youknow.Iamgratefulforyou. Iamgratefulyouareallowingyourself togrow.

TheFifthSessionThisisyourlastsessionwithScottandyoucontinuetoprocesshisidentificationwithhisnewnarrativesofmasculinity.He reportshe has joined a stayathome dads group and has been to oneoutingwiththekids.Theyhadagreattime.Hedescribesfeelinghappyandisnotreportinganydepressivesymptoms.Heisrealaboutthesituationandknowssomedaysarebetterthanothers,but he is grounding himself in what he has learned andaccomplished inthepast fewmonthsoftreatment.He feels likethe future is promising. He thanks you for your help and thesessioncomestoanend.

Question

1. HowwouldyouendthesessionwithScott?ConclusionScott, a 36yearold Caucasian male, entered treatment afterlosinghisjob.Hedescribedsymptomsofdepressionandalackofmeaning in his life. You decided to employ narrative therapyinterventions because they are designed to create meaning. It


becameevidentthatScottwashavingdifficultywithgenderrolestress. By deconstructing his identification with the dominantnarratives of his culture regarding masculinity he was able toconstruct newmeaning; one that allowed him to bewhole.Heidentified with other men and felt connected to those goingthrough similar situations. Scott joined a stayathome dadsupport group and began feeling less isolated. Ultimately, hewrote a goodbye letter tohis socialized, traditionalmasculinityandcreatedanew,lessrigidone.Hethenshareditwithhiswifeinacouplessession.Treatmentconcludedwithcontinueddialogregarding his narratives and a bright outlook for positivenarrativestoguidehisfuture.

Question

1. Ifyouwereinasettingwheretreatmentwasdictatedbya more traditional approach based on diagnosis andtreatment, could you apply the principles of narrativetherapy?Why,orwhynot?Howwouldyoudoit?

ReferencesBrown, C., & AugustaScott, T. (2007). Narrative therapy making meaning,

makinglives.ThousandOaks,Calif.:SagePublications.Monk,G.. (1997).Narrative therapy inpractice thearchaeologyofhope (1st

ed.ed.).SanFrancisco:JosseyBassPublishers.Phipps, W. D., & Vorster, C. (2009). Narrative therapy: A return to the

intrapsychicperspective? SouthAfrican JournalofPsychology,39(1),3245.

Polkinghorne, D. E. (2004). Narrative Therapy and Postmodernism. In L. E.Angus & J. McLeod (Eds.), The handbook of narrative andpsychotherapy:Practice, theory,and research. (pp.5367).ThousandOaks,CAUS:SagePublications,Inc.

Rochlen,A.B.,McKelley,R.A.,Suizzo,M.A.,&Scaringi,V.(2008).Predictorsofrelationshipsatisfaction,psychologicalwellbeing,andlifesatisfactionamong stayathome fathers.PsychologyofMen&Masculinity,9(1),1728.

Rochlen,A. B., Suizzo,M.A.,McKelley, R.A.,& Scaringi,V. (2008). 'I'm justproviding formy family':Aqualitativestudyofstayathome fathers.PsychologyofMen&Masculinity,9(4),193206.


U.S.CensusBureau.(2002).ChildrensLivingArrangementsandCharacteristics:March2002 (CurrentPopulationReportsP20547).Washington,DC:U.S.GovernmentPrintingOffice.

U.S.CensusBureau.(2006,June12).FathersDay:June18.FactsforFeatures:June2006.

Winslade,J.,Crocket,K.,&Monk,G.(1997).Thetherapeuticrelationship.InG.Monk,J.

Winslade, K. Crocket & D. Epston (Eds.), Narrative therapy in practice: Thearchaeologyofhope.(pp.5381).SanFrancisco,CAUS:JosseyBass.

Zimmerman, T. S. (2000). Marital equality and satisfaction in stayathomemother and stayathome father families. Contemporary FamilyTherapy:AnInternationalJournal,22(3),337354.


a narrative in new masculinity - matthew b. drake

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