a little book of bores

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A LITTLE BOOKOF BORESRFORD


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A LITTLE BOOKOF BORES


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By OLIVER HERFORDARTFUL ANTICKS

By OLIVER HERFORD. Illustrations on everypage, attractively bound in cloth, 8 by 6 in. ,pp. 112, 2s.%* Humorous verses and illustrations aboutAnimals.

Queen " This is one ot the most delightfully whimsicalcollections of sketches with both pen and pencil which arealways so dear to the hearts of children. Mr. Herford'srhymes are full of that simple fun which it requires no effortto appreciate, and many ot them are irresistibly ridiculous ;while his graceful sketches show a high sense of genuinehumour."

THE BOLD BAD BUTTERFLYCrown 8vo., with over 100 humorous illus-trations, 2S.

LONDON : GAY AND HANCOCK, LTD.


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A LITTLE BOOKOF BORES

BY OLIVER HERFORD

LONDONGAY AND HANCOCK, LTD.

All Rights Reserved


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LITTLE BOOKOFBORES

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A is the Autograph BoreWhom Authors and Actors deplore,Tho' it's evident quiteIf the Dears ceased to write

They'd deplore even more than before*


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B is a Bounder blaseWho likes to appear quite au fait/

He purses his lipsAs his Rhine wine he sips,

Tho' he doesn't know Hock fromTokay.


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1 is a Decadent DrearyWhose Works are depressing and

eerie ;If you ask his excuseFor existence, or use,

I'm afraid I can't answer your query*


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E is the Egotist dreadWho, as some one has happily said,

Will talk till he's blue

About myself, when youWant to talk about yourself instead.


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|H 's a Frankly Familiar FriendWho loves free advice to extend;

He declares, for his part,He knows nothing of Art,

But he thinks that your time youmisspend*

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I y is a Grumbler gruffjWhom everything puts in a huff;

If he chances to gainHeaven's gate, he'll complain

Of his Halo or Harp, like enough*

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H is a Humorist glum*Why sits he so silent and dumb?He's concocting some GayImpromptu to say

When the Opportune Moment shallcome*


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I1

's the Intensely Intense

Who dilates on the Whither and Whence,The Ego (or "I"),And the Wherefore and Why,

Not to mention the Hither and Hence.


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J is the "Johnnie " a ThingMuch affected by Fairies who sing*

He is human in shape,With the brain of an ape,

And generally tied to a string*

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K is the Kaiser unnerving,With the Terrible Moustache upcurving.One man who can boreA planet --and more

Is surely of mention deserving*

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Li *s the Loquacious variety,__ iThat is found in all sorts of society*

He will drink in the soundOf his own voice till drowned

In a species of self-inebriety*

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l^J is a Newly-rich boor,Whom no one pretends to endure.

Some cases with careAnd complete change of Heir

Take three generations to cure*

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IJ is an Optimist gladWho doesn't know how to be sad;If he wakes up some dayIn Hades, he'll say,

"Well, really it isn't so bad,"

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p 's a Poetical boreWho recites his own things by the score*The ladies/ poor dears,Are all moved to tears,

While strong men are moved to thedoor.

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Q is a Quoter who'll citeHis favourite authors all night.Tho' teeming with Thought,Like the Moon he is naught

But a second-hand dealer in Light.

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's a Rampant Reformer whose proseInsures you a Health-giving doze*

You wouldn't much mindIf he'd only be kind

And not slam the door when he goes*

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S 1 is a Satirist rudeWho subsists on Leguminous Food,

Which he shyly maintainsSo enforces his brains,

Even Shakespeare beside him seems crude.

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is a Terrible Toti

Who says things he'd much better not*A child of that ageShould be kept in a cage,

And fed if at all through a slot*

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u is the Unco Guid Man,And all his unspeakable clan,With their Braw bonnie brae,Bide a wee, Scots wha hae,

Aweelf Diana ktn, and Hoot man.

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V is a Vain Virtuoso.If you ask, "Pray what makes yourhair grow so ;Do you think it a sign

Of Genius divine ? "

He replies, " I don't think so, I knowso."


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w 's a Well-informed WightWho aims to set every one right ;If you chance to misspellOr misquote, he will swell

With holy and chastened Delight*

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X is Old Xmas, a dearOld Impostor who comes once a year tWith wassail, and wishes,And death-dealing dishes,

And chilblains, and chimes, and goodcheer*

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;ff


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Y is a Yodler whose yellWakes the echo in mountain or fell*44 Poor Echo I" I say,"To be wakened each day

By a sound like a Feline unwell/'

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z is a Zealot whose zealTakes the form of an " Urgent appeal/ 9Tho* you wriggle and squirmAnd protest he sits firm,

Till he lands you at last like an eel.

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RICHARD CLAY & SONS, LIMITED,BREAD STREET HILL, E.G., AND

BUNGAY, SUFFOLK.


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*-t-*-*ij\JW

31 1934ID JUNte 70*1P ~*

21-som-i > '88


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UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY


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a little book of bores

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