Personal EffectivenessA guide to understanding personaldevelopment and effectiveness

of enlightened learning

1946 – 2006

Roffey Park's approach to personal effectiveness 2

Developing greater self-confidence 4

Self-knowledge 5

Self-awareness 7

Learning through reflection 10

Building relationships and working with others 11

Final thoughts 12

About Roffey Park 14

Contents1

developinglearninggrowing

Developing personal effectiveness is essentialtoday. Increasingly we need to influencewithout formal authority and we cannot dothis without confidence, clarity of purposeand the communication skills to fully expressourselves. Our roles as leaders or managers– in tough times, or during change – alsorequire that we draw on who we are, as wellas what we do to inspire and engage ourpeople. And from coaching through toorganisational development, the concept ofusing your ‘self as an instrument’ is at theheart of bringing about successful individualand organisational change.

Roffey Park is a leader in the field of PersonalEffectiveness having developed people inorganisations for 60 years. Our approach isbased on several important assumptions:

• That ‘we’re all right as we are’ and that wehave within us all that we need to growand become more effective in the world.

• We are naturally predisposed to learn,grow and change in order to maximise ourown potential.

• We are willing to take responsibility forourselves and our own learning.

• Who we are is as important as what we do.

• Change occurs not just by reading orthinking but by also doing.

• And that greater self-awareness enables usto have more choices, and thus makebetter decisions that will result in increasedpersonal effectiveness.

The purpose of this guide is to help youchange what you do on a daily basis in a waythat will have a direct impact on yourpersonal effectiveness. It provides a numberof practical exercises which have been drawnfrom our research and the work we do withgroups and individuals from all levels within awide range of organisations.

Roffey Park's approach to personal effectiveness 2

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Imagine walking though the woods andcoming across a man chopping down a tree.He’s making heavy weather of it. He hasobviously been working at this task for hours,without making much progress. He issweating and looks exhausted and you noticehe’s using a blunt saw.

‘Why don't you take a short break andsharpen your saw?’ you ask, ‘then I’m sure itwill go a lot faster'.

‘I don't have time to sharpen the saw' theman says emphatically, ‘I’m too busy sawing!’

Here's a story from Stephen Covey's book ‘The 7 Habits of HighlyEffective People’ to set the scene.

You see the problem. And this story oftenbecomes a metaphor for our own lives. Withthe increasing complexity of day to day living– the pace at which we need to work, theblurring of boundaries between work andhome and competing priorities – we oftenhave little time to 'sharpen our saw'. But weneed to take time out to develop ourselvesas this is at the heart of being personallyeffective.

The focus on developing yourself runsthroughout this guide – just as it does in thework we do at Roffey Park. Organisationaleffectiveness ultimately depends on theeffectiveness of its individuals, irrespective ofrole or position. We hope to provide youwith some thought-provoking and practicalsuggestions for developing your personaleffectiveness. These will also help youdevelop others.

4Developing Greater Self Confidence

‘Man often becomes what he believes himselfto be. If I keep on saying to myself that Icannot do a certain thing, it is possible that Imay end by really becoming incapable ofdoing it. On the contrary, if I shall have thebelief that I can do it, I shall surely acquirethe capacity to do it, even if I may not have itat the beginning.’ Mahatma Gandhi

Self-confidence arises from having positiveself-esteem. Your self-esteem is influenced bywhat you believe about yourself – whetheryou think about yourself positively ornegatively. Gandhi’s words demonstrate howyour beliefs can have a positive or negativeeffect on your behaviour and therefore your effectiveness.Positive self-esteem is not something you areborn with. It is influenced by the experiencesyou have and by the actions and words ofthose around you, from the time when youwere very young up to and including whathappened yesterday. You learn to holdyourself in high or low regard depending onhow you interpret both the messages youreceive from others and those you giveyourself. It’s something you learn and if it’sunhelpful to you as an adult, you can change it.But how? The first thing is to identify anynegative messages you are giving yourselfabout your self-worth. Think of those voicesas representing your ‘inner critic’ which canbe heard every time you think negatively, fearthe future, put yourself down, doubt yourabilities, or expect failure. Start with thesequestions:

Now turn your responses to Question 1 intomessages that improve your self-esteem. It isvery difficult to silence your ‘inner critic’completely but you can increase the volumeof the voice that represents your ‘inner fan’ byturning your limiting beliefs into positiveaffirmations. Consistent use of these willbegin to alter the basis and structure of yourself talk or inner voice and produce atransformation from poor self-esteem topositive self-esteem.

So write out your limiting beliefs and thenrephrase them as positive statements, writtenas if they are already true. Write these outand repeat them to yourself several times aday, for example – ‘I am bright and intelligent’or ‘I have the intelligence I need to besuccessful in anything I decide to do’.

Another way to boost your confidence is getinto the habit of trying new things on a dailybasis. We often get stuck into routines andhabits which get in the way of new anddifferent experiences. For example, if youalways read the same newspaper every day,try reading a very different one for the nextweek. If you always have typical ‘breakfastfoods’ in the morning, try eating for breakfastwhat you might eat for dinner. If you alwaystake one route to work, try an alternative fora week. See how these small shifts help yousee the world differently.

2.Which of these limiting beliefs hold youback the most? There might be one ortwo that really get in the way of yourpersonal effectiveness.

3.How have these limiting beliefs held youback in your life so far?

4.What will they continue to cost you ifyou don't do anything about them?

1.What are some limiting beliefs you holdabout yourself? Examples might be ‘I’mnot very intelligent’ or ‘I don't deservegood things’.

Self-knowledge5

'Know thyself ’ Delphic oracle

‘You have come here to find what youalready have.’ Buddhist aphorism

The ability to be effective rests on knowingwho you are and this will have a directimpact on how you behave. It is thereforevital that you develop your knowledge of you– including your values and beliefs as well asyour strengths, weaknesses, motivations,achievements and the effect you have on others.

There are several ways that you can start onthis journey.

And another important part of developingself-knowledge is to elicit feedback fromothers.

Remember that feedback is simplyinformation about our impact on others. It isneutral – neither positive or negativealthough we often associate it with negativesso it's natural to avoid seeking feedback if wefear what people might say. However, peoplehave information about you that could bevery helpful in developing greatereffectiveness, so be courageous and ask themto share their knowledge with you!

Here are some guidelines in asking forfeedback:

• Ask a range of people - those who knowyou well and those who know you lesswell; people you consider will be ‘fans’ andothers who will act as ‘critical friend’.

• Start by asking for feedback about thethings you do that people appreciate,value, think you do well and want to seeyou keep doing or do more of. And onlythen ask for things that people find you doless well, are less helpful, or want you todo differently.

1.Try writing your autobiography.Chapter 1 should be about your life sofar, Chapter 2 your life today andChapter 3 your hopes and wishes forthe future.

2. Consider your answers to some ofthese questions:

• What do you stand for?• What line won't you cross?• What will people get from you?• What difference will you make?• What do you value most in life?• What has made you who you

are today?

3. Learn to meditate daily. Researchproves time and again that this hasenormous benefits for health andrelaxation as well as our intellect.Even taking 10 minutes each day, sittingquietly with no distractions and justletting your thoughts emerge can allowus to get to know ourselves better.

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• Try not to respond defensively to whatyou hear, or rush in to justify something.Listen with a sense of curiosity andremember that it can also be difficult togive feedback as well as receive it.

• If necessary, ask for more clarification. ‘Canyou give me an example of the sort ofbehaviour you mention?’ or ‘Have therebeen other times when you feel I havebehaved that way to you?’ Stay curiousand open.

• Accept praise graciously! Often wetrivialise or deny good things that are saidabout us. Recognise when praise is givenand acknowledge it – 'thank you, I alsothink I did that well'.

• Remember you have choices in receivingfeedback. You can accept what is said(sometimes it will chime with what youalready know - or suspect - aboutyourself); you could dismiss what is said asnot true (and run the risk of not learningfrom the messages); you can check somethings out (by asking for more detail, orasking someone else whether they haveseen the same thing in you); or you can fileit away for further reflection. Whateveryou do, you now have some data aboutyourself that you didn't have before.

Self-awareness7

‘I think self-awareness is probably the mostimportant thing towards being a champion.’Billie Jean King

‘When dealing with people, remember youare not dealing with creatures of logic, butcreatures of emotion.’Dale Carnegie

There is much research to demonstrate thatyour effectiveness in both your work andpersonal life is directly linked to yourawareness of emotions – both your own andothers.The phrase ‘emotional intelligence’ or‘social intelligence’ has come to represent this focus.

Cognitive ability is important but to someextent it can be compensated for by workingharder (or creatively) to master technical skills.However, research shows emotionalintelligence is often a greater predictor ofeffectiveness than IQ. The emphasis of IQ ison tasks while the emphasis of emotionalintelligence is on people and relationships.

Within the working environment, there is anincreasingly higher premium placed onconnecting to people and understandingthem so you can develop better relationships.After all, work is little more than groups ofpeople working together for a common goal.Yet too often, people operate in a socialvacuum, without realising the way to achievemore in their work is to find a way toconnect with others. It is about how youdevelop relationships with people that makethem want to work with you or for you.

In short, this aspect of self-awarenesscomprises two parts: interpersonalintelligence – being intelligent in picking upwhat is going on inside us and doing what weneed to do about it (self-awareness) andintrapersonal intelligence – being intelligentin picking up in what's going on betweenother people and how they are feeling.

Here are two exercises to increase youreffectiveness in this area.

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1.Self-awareness: to broaden anddeepen your awareness of what you are feeling.

All feelings or emotions start withsomething happening at a physiological level,so your body is the most effectivediagnostic tool to help you tune in to whatyou're experiencing. Paying greaterattention to what your body is telling youwill help you better understand yourfeelings and intuitions.

Conduct a regular body check. From timeto time, simply switch off from what you'redoing (close your eyes if you can) and'sweep' the various parts of your body withyour attention. What do you notice? Andwhat clues do these physical feelings giveyou about your emotions? Can you give a

'feeling' name to what you areexperiencing? At first you might find thisdifficult but as you gain in experience youwill be able to identify more and moresubtle emotions. To help you with this, wehave included a list of emotions on page 13.When you identify an emotion, ask yourselfa range of questions including:

• ‘Why am I feeling this?’

• ‘What (if anything) do I need to do about it?’

• ‘How often does this feeling arise in me?’

• ‘What patterns or trends are emerging?’

Regular meditation will help with thisexercise and it may also help to start ajournal of these observations.

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2.Awareness of others: to develop agreater understanding of others' emotions,develop empathy and demonstrate a realinterest in others.

Being aware of others provides you withthe foundation for better relationships, witha member of your family, a colleague, or adifficult client at work. Other people'semotions are often not directly expressedbut are embedded in their body language(as are yours). So you sometimes have todevelop a different sort of 'listening' thatinvolves looking for small clues in theirbody language and then interpreting whatwe think we see (or sometimes sense).

When listening to someone try to:

•Practice paying attention to what peoplemight be feeling. Until you feel confident,

you don't have to act on what you pickup. Just getting into the habit of sensingor noticing can be useful.

• Summarise what they have said (thecontent) but also what you sense theyare feeling. You will have some clueseither from the language they use (ordon't use) or from their behaviour andbody language. For example, ‘so youappear to agree with what I’m saying, butI sense from the expression on your facethat you still have some concerns about it.Am I right?’. Or ‘you have to deliversome bad news to Tom next week and Iget the impression that you're nervousand anxious about it’.

When people feel that you are reallylistening then they are also likely to feel thatyou understand them, or are at least tryingto. Identifying emotions in others also helpspeople feel as if you are seeing them as aperson and not simply a resource for a task.

When people feel that you are really listening then they are also likely to feel that youunderstand them, or are at least trying to. Identifying emotions in others also helps peoplefeel as if you are seeing them as a person and not simply a resource for a task.

Learning through reflection 10

'In times of profound change, the learnersinherit the earth, while the learned findthemselves beautifully equipped to deal witha world that no longer exists.’Al Rogers

Whether you are developing youreffectiveness to move into a more senior roleor simply wanting to make a greater impactin your job, one of the most important thingsyou can do for yourself is reflected in thequotation above. Become a continuouslearner. Doris Lessing described learning as'suddenly understanding something you'veunderstood all your life, but in a new way'.You don't need to attend a training course todo that and one of the most effective (andcost-effective) way of developing your owneffectiveness is to cultivate the habit ofreflective learning.

Reflective learning requires that you lookback over past events and review them,searching out the meaning in those events ina way that can help you become moreeffective. By looking back you canreconstruct how events took place, to seewhat influenced them or if you followed whatyou had set out to do. You can examine yourrole in the process, what worked and whatdidn't, what were you pleased about and wasless successful.What was the impact of yourbehaviour, either positive or negative, onyourself or others? What else might youhave done? Looking back also allows you tolook forward and ask yourself the followingquestions. Based on what you've learnedfrom this review, what might you do nexttime? What have you learned about yourselfthat you needed to know for the future?

Consider taking the following actions:

• Build a series of questions for yourselfbased on those in the previous columnand get into the habit of reviewing eventsregularly, even daily.

• Remember to review successes as well asevents that didn’t go so well. You mightalso include your reflections on a changein your behaviour that you have beentrying, or your reflections on somethingsomeone said. It doesn’t need to behuge event - even a passing conversationcan be the source of much learning for you.

You can do this as personal reflection inthe form of a journal, but also with others.Find a ‘thinking partner’ – someone whocould meet up with you from time to timeover a period of some months, someoneto discuss ideas with, to share experienceswith and who can offer you support andchallenge. It could be someone who isworking on similar issues as you. Split thetime between you, taking turns to talk andlisten – something that can be done eitherformally in a meeting room or by going fora walk together.

Building relationships and working with others11

‘The most important single ingredient in theformula of success is knowing how to getalong with people.’ Theodore Roosevelt

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. ‘Pooh!’he whispered. ‘Yes, Piglet?’ ‘Nothing’ saidPiglet, taking Pooh’s paw. ‘I just wanted to besure of you.’ A A Milne

Today's working environment depends verymuch on relationships – both working withand through other people. It is rare that youcan be effective without the reciprocal givingto and taking from others that createsopportunities for your growth and youreffectiveness. Your personal effectivenessdepends to a large extent on the support andchallenge that only other people can give you.

These next points represent a range of thingsthat you can do to strengthen yourrelationships with others.

•This guide began by focusing on ways toraise your own self-esteem. Another wayto do this – and to help others along theway – is to help them raise theirs.Takeevery opportunity to show themgratitude, appreciation, acceptance andencouragement. And when you can, bespecific or provide an example of whatthey did and why it worked for you.

•Take time to truly listen to people.Thismay require ‘listening beyond yourtolerance level’ but when people speak,give them quality attention. Stop, look andlisten – making sure to make eye contact,to ask questions about what they aresaying (both in term of content andemotions, as in the above exercise).

• Equally, you need to tell people aboutyourself. If you want someone to tell youabout themselves, there is no better wayof getting this information than givingthem an insight about yourself.Thereseems to be a certain matching qualityabout questions and answers of this kind,particularly if the subject matter ispersonal. So rather than put people offor create embarrassment, self-disclosureis a proven way to develop and deepenrelationships. However, it can feel risky, soyou may want to wait until you feelconfident - take courage and reach out toanother person and talk to them aboutthe things that matter most to you.

• Take on the role of coach for people andencourage them to think through theirown problems. Rather than rushing inwith your own ideas for solutions (whichmay be good ones – but hold them back) ask some good coaching questionslike ‘what ideas do you have for tacklingthis issue’ or ‘what have you tried so farand with what success?’.Try to encouragepeople’s ideas and build their self-confidence.

• Offer feedback to others. You may havefound that the self-knowledge whichcame from receiving feedback was useful.Equally, do you have information aboutothers that they might find useful? Firstcheck out that they want to hear whatyou have to say. And the following modelcan be useful – ‘when you did or said x,this is what I thought and it had thisimpact on me’.

Final thoughts 12

Having read this guide, some things mayhave resonated with you. You might havethought that some of the suggestions oradvice sounded helpful. But you'll neverknow unless you chose to try out some ofthe ideas.

My challenge to you now is to select onething that you think might make a differenceto your own personal effectiveness. Chosesomething that can be done each day andsomething that takes no more than 15minutes (we think this applies to all of theideas). Now commit to doing it for 21 days,each and every day and see what impact ithas on your effectiveness.

Roffey Park’s purpose is to help individualsand organisations learn, grow and becomemore effective. We often do that not by‘teaching’ in the traditional sense but byengaging people in conversations thatsupport and challenge them.

We have found the exercises in this guidehave helped participants on ourprogrammes and we are always interestedin engaging with other people, both onspecific topics and as part of our researchprogramme. Please try the exercises in thisguide and email me to tell me how it went.What did you try? What worked well?What impact did it have on you, and onothers? What impact did it have on yourpersonal effectiveness? What did you learn?

I look forward to hearing from you!

Helena ClaytonPrincipal Consultant, Personal Effectivenesshclayton@roffeypark.com

Emotional vocabulary13

Excited

Blissful

Alive

Bubbly

Wonderful

Thrilled

Lovely

Proud

Stupendous

Elated

Joyful

Good

Glad

Light

Dissatisfied

Awful

Lonely

Down

Dreary

Gloomy

Unwanted

Hopeless

Fed-up

Grumpy

Miserable

Sorry

Low

Deflated

Annoyed

Cross

Grumpy

Irritated

Indignant

Livid

Furious

Outraged

Aggressive

Seething

Hostile

Hateful

Enraged

Bad-tempered

Baffled

Bewildered

Harassed

Mixed up

Lost

Misunderstood

Muddled

Puzzled

Distraught

Unsure

Hazy

Unclear

Perplexed

Flustered

Happy Sad Angry Confused

• Personal Effectiveness and Power –developing skills of influence, assertion and confidence www.roffeypark.com/pep

• Interpersonal Relationships inOrganisations – getting the most out ofyour relationships at workwww.roffeypark.com/iro

• Mastering Self Management – makingbetter choices to maximise yourperformance www.roffeypark.com/msm

• Developing Leadership Potential – ‘toknow leadership is to know yourself ’:developing choice and flexibility inleadership styles www.roffeypark.com/dlp

Roffey Park programmes which cover personal effectiveness:

About Roffey Park 14

Roffey Park was originally set up by far-sighted individuals with the backing ofenlightened companies who recognised theneed to help their staff deal with the anxietyand stress of working in wartime. Decadesahead of its time, the interest in thisrevolutionary tailored approach was suchthat Roffey Park set up a Research andTraining Institute in 1946 to provide trainingand research into what we have alwaysbelieved in, the link between personal well-being and productive working.

Today we help people and organisationssucceed, particularly in the areas of personaleffectiveness, leadership, management,organisational development and HR. Wecontinually update our expertise in theseareas through researching the individual'sexperience at work and what makesorganisations more effective.

For more information, please visitwww.roffeypark.com

Roffey Park ServicesExecutive Development Programmes.We offer a range of highly relevantprogrammes that are 2-5 days long and aredesigned for people, usually in groups of 12,from different organisations. Programmes aredesigned to encourage participants to workwith real issues as well as exploring researchand theory.

Bespoke Services. Here we address theneeds of a particular organisation. We maybecome involved in a wide range of issuessuch as developing leadership capabilities,strategy, people management, managingchange, executive coaching or wider

organisational development initiatives. Ourapproach is underpinned by clear insight andinnovative design.

Research. Our research is recognised by theEconomic and Social Research Council(ESRC) among others as independent andhigh quality. Our focus is on the individual'sexperience at work and what makesorganisations more effective. Recent reportsand open seminars have coveredorganisational change, leadership, mergersand partnerships.

Events and conferences. We holdconferences, seminars, workshops andmasterclasses. Designed to offer learningthrough shared experience with respectedthinkers and practitioners, these events arethought-provoking and practical.

MSc qualification. Our MSc in People andOrganisational Development is accredited bythe University of Sussex. The qualificationuses a Self Managed Learning process, whichencourages people to learn in the same wayas they work – by identifying personal goalsand working with others to achieve the resultof most relevance to them and theirorganisation.

If you would like more information or toreceive ‘Developing People’, our quarterlynewsletter, please contact us on:+44 (0)1293 851644 or email:info@roffeypark.com.

Roffey Park Institute, Forest Road, Horsham,

West Sussex, RH12 4TB, United Kingdom

Tel: +44 (0) 1293 851644 Fax: +44 (0) 1293 851565

Email: info@roffeypark.com

www.roffeypark.com

Roffey Park Institute Limited is a Charity, Registered No: 254591