a dream of friendship by sleepii

8/18/2019 A Dream of Friendship by Sleepii

1/7

A Dream of Friendship by sleepii

Characters: Shoo, Eugene, Bada, MinWoo, HwanHee, me/narrator

NOTE: (Date o dream ! "u#$ % &'' )*M+ This stor$ was actua##$ a dream had- Some .arts ma$ hae ta0en out 1ecause the$

were irre#eant i written in a stor$ ormat- This dream had such an im.act on me that cou#dn2t go 1ac0 to s#ee.- t wo0e me u. )*Min the morning and had to get it down 1eore cou#d orget- t was incredi1#$ strange how each o the characters were actua##$ in m$

dream 1ut in their auras/sou#s were m$ riends2- Whoa3cree.$ descri.tion- *## right, #et me c#ari$, it was as i m$ riends2 minds

were in the gasoos 1odies- Oh $eh3and sorr$ in adance i it2s a #itt#e 1it cho..$, this was a dream and was tr$ing to get the who#e

thing down 1eore cou#d orget it-

Intro

used to 1e#iee in something ca##ed riendshi.- That was unti# the da$ that had awo0en- The da$ rea#i4ed that eer$thing was 5ust a

dream-

Part 1

t had a#wa$s 1een the three o us- Eugene, Shoo and me- We grew u. together- guess shou#d start rom the irst time we met- n

ourth grade, Shoo had moed in, a1out a street oer rom mine- We had instant#$ 1ecome riends since meeting in the same

c#assroom- guess it had 1een ate- We s.ent da$s together, going to the same actiities together, or we wou#d 5ust sit there in each

other2s .resence en5o$ing a summer eening2s 1ree4e- t was in si6th grade when things started to change a #itt#e- t was when Eugene

moed two streets rom mine, the o..osite wa$ o Shoo2s- There must hae some strange .ro.hec$ to where we were #ocated- wasneer as c#ose to Eugene as wou#d 1e to Shoo- But nonethe#ess, the three o us soon 1ecame inse.ara1#e- *## or one and one or a##-

n those $oung da$s, each o us rea##$ cou#d 1e there or each other, no matter the situation- We didn2t hae the wor0, schoo# or

.ersona# #ies to interere with our riendshi.-

n seenth grade, things started 1ecoming a #itt#e #ess ami#iar- Shoo and had grown u. as tom1o$s together- *nd Eugene added to

ma0e the num1er three- guess it was in seenth grade when she irst started #i0ing 1o$s was when eer$thing started getting a #itt#e 1it dierent- Eugene was the irst to actua##$ dress #i0e a gir# out o the three o us- *nd sur.rising#$, she was a#so the irst to act #i0e

one- This sudden change had near#$ 0noc0ed me out- *s or Shoo, cou#d te## she was starting to e6.eriment with the gir#ish c#othes

and ma0e7u.- The two o them had #et me 1ehind- t was in seenth grade when other things started to change a#so- There were two

more neigh1ors on m$ 1#oc0- One named 8ee MinWoo and the other Hwang 9oonSu0 (he .reerred we ca## him HwanHee+- MinWoo#ied a1out ten houses down m$ side o the street and HwanHee was #ocated two houses across rom mine- The$ came at dierent

times 1ut had the same aect on a## the gir#s at schoo#- This was when m$ transormation into a gir#; 1egan-

B$ eighth grade, the three o us had 1ecome 1#oc0 1uddies- We hung out together, went out together, and we##, it was #i0e haing Shoo

and Eugene with me- With MinWoo and HwanHee, it wou#d 1e #i0e haing the gir#s in a .er.etua# tom1o$ .hase- *nd hate to admitit, 1ut rea##$ wanted things to 1e that wa$- was neer ond o ma0e u. or the c#othes- Een though was a 1it gir#7ier than 1eore,

m$ tom1o$ side had won oer man$ times- *nd wheneer was with the 1o$s, didn2t hae to worr$ a1out m$ a..earance or

an$thing- We cou#d 5ust act #i0e 0ids again- MinWoo was a#wa$s the one who wou#d entertain me whi#e HwanHee ed us with

whateer concoction he wou#d come u. with in the 0itchen- 8ie was good-

was c#ose as eer with m$ two sets o 1est riends- But had neer to#d one set a1out the other- Wh$< didn2t 0now wh$- t wasn2t

unti# ninth grade when 0new things were going downhi##- *nd the irst mista0e that sent me on the descending 5ourne$ wasintroducing m$ two sets o 1est riends to each other- t was then 0new what 5ea#ous$ e#t #i0e- *nd it ate me inside out- MinWoo had

a#wa$s 1een a #irt- To an$ other gir# at schoo#, didn2t .a$ much mind 1ecause 0new he wou#dn2t a##ow them to interere with ourriendshi.s- He had to#d me in secret that he had neer had a gir#riend 1eore- rea##$ didn2t 1e#iee it at irst 1ut he was te##ing the

truth- *## o m$ riends were rea##$ honest with each other- We didn2t ho#d man$ secrets 1ac0- *nd it created a er$ comorta1#e

enironment or the ie o us- But 1etween the 1o$s and me, we2e a#wa$s had this t$.e o enironment-

MinWoo was a#wa$s the t$.e who wasn2t araid to .#a$ around 1$ sa$ing things #i0e: #i0e $ou- The two o us were the 1est o riendsand understood that it was on#$ good7natured 1anter- t was m$ eer7disgusted res.onses that made him smi#e and that was enough

or him to 1e satisied- HwanHee a#wa$s thought o our .#a$ as chi#dish- He neer rea##$ said too much at times, a#wa$s the =uiet and

sh$ one- *nd what rea##$ admired him or was his steadast aithu#ness to our grou. o riends- We cou#d a#wa$s count on him to 1e

there when one o us cou#dn2t-

So now, it was the ie o us- We2d a## hang out, do things together> we did what grou.s o riends did 1ecause that was what we had

a## 1ecome- Shoo was rea##$ a great riend to 1oth MinWoo and HwanHee- The$ res.ected her as i she were a sister- Eugene was a 1it

dierent in her a..roach- She was a 1it o a #irt around gu$s- Something #i0e the ema#e ersion o MinWoo- But nonethe#ess, we a##

remained good riends- We were sti## in that two7sets7o71est7riends mode howeer- Shoo and Eugene cou#d neer 1e as c#ose to

MinWoo and HwanHee as the$ were to each other (and me+ and it was the same or the 1o$s- But we a## got a#ong er$ we## and thatwas enough or me- Eugene was going out with some gu$ named ?angTa at the time, so wasn2t too worried a1out her getting with

MinWoo or HwanHee- To me, MinWoo and HwanHee were the same as we were 1eore Shoo and Eugene came into the .icture- Sti##

c#ose as eer- *nd it was the same or Shoo and Eugene- Things were good- shou#d hae 0nown good things weren2t going to #ast-

Part 2

Tenth grade was when eer$thing turned u.side down- There was a new gir#, Bada- *nd she didn2t #ie an$where near the ie o us-

But sti##, she 1ro0e into our circ#e- wasn2t too sure whether she shou#d 1e #et in so easi#$- *ter a##, it too0 us seen $ears to 1ecome

as c#ose as we were now, our or the gu$s- Shoo, Eugene and went through so much together since the ourth grade- Time hadeentua##$ 1rought Eugene and me c#oser as riends- B$ now, m$ 1e#ie in true riends was sti## intact- With the ho.e o haing another


2/7

c#ose riend, we #et her into our c#i=ue- This was how we were now diided: Shoo and are once again a .air, MinWoo had HwanHee,

and Eugene was with Bada- The two gir#s shared a .assion or acting and entertainment- t 1rought then together 5ust #i0e gooing o

and 1u11#e tea had 1rought Shoo and me together-

This was when m$ .aranoia started to dee#o.- hated the act that Bada was an outsider;- She hadn2t 1een with us or more than a$ear and she was a#read$ acting #i0e she was Eugene2s 1est riend- M$ 5ea#ous rage added to the #ame- e#t #i0e Eugene was 1eing

ta0en awa$ rom us- @rom the grou. that we grew to 0now as a second ami#$- Someone who didn2t hae or 0now an$ o the histor$

that had 1ui#t u. since the ourth grade was stea#ing OA Eugene rom us-

2e neer e#t so 5ea#ous in m$ #ie- to#d m$se# wasn2t going to #et that ha..en to an$one e#se in our grou.- had 1rought us a##together and now, it was u. to me to 0ee. us a## together- e#t that res.onsi1i#it$ weigh so heai#$ on m$ shou#ders that it too0 oer

m$ eer$ thought- t consumed m$ mind with a .aranoia that 1ecame a#most un1rea0a1#e- But no one 0new- None o them 0new o

m$ ear- The er$ ear that ate at m$ sou# was on#$ too o1#iious to them- was ta#ented in hiding secrets rom them- didn2t #i0e

doing it 1ut it was m$ own c#andestine 1att#e that had to 1e ought and won 1$ me- "ust the thought o us not 1eing a grou. an$more

sent shiers down m$ s.ine- didn2t want it to ha..en- wasn2t going to #et it ha..en-

The ie o us were as c#ose as we eer were- There was on#$ one #aw now: Bada- * sot si#ence cre.t into the each o us and we

retreated to our other ha#es or conso#ation- This had 1een the time o the Diision- Shoo and had 1een re71onding- HwanHee and

MinWoo had their own #itt#e wor#d o ideo games and 5un0 ood- Eugene now #et us or Bada- There wasn2t an$thing rea##$ wrong

with Bada, 1ut 5ust had a strong dis#i0e o her- M$ intuition tugged at me so hard that cou#dn2t ignore it an$more- Something 1adwas going to come out o her sta$ing with us-

t was e#eenth grade now and m$ dee. dis#i0e o Bada had not decrease 1ut instead, grew- We a## sti## got a#ong 1ut we 5ust didn2t

hang out a## together as we used to- Eugene and Bada has acting #essons seera# times a wee0, HwanHee 5ust seemed to 1ecome

inisi1#e, Shoo had sudden#$ turned =uiet, and MinWoo was the same as eer- His charisma cou#dn2t hae 1een daunted 1$ the

s#ightest o things- But 0now he e#t things were changing now- *nd the$ were changing or the worse- had 5ust thought HwanHeeand Shoo had other things .reoccu.$ing them 5ust as acting #essons were to Eugene- Besides, HwanHee had a#wa$s 1een =uiet- *nd

Shoo had her 1outs o it-

Since Eugene was a#read$ #ost;, m$ concentration was now on MinWoo- He was .o.u#ar gu$, es.ecia##$ with the gir#s- *nd me 1eing .aranoid, saw them as a .otentia# threat to the remains o our grou.- The on#$ #ogica# so#ution was to 0ee. MinWoo in our grou. 1$

an$ means, een i it meant he was going to 1e with one o us- Een i that .erson had to 1e me-

Part 3

To 1e com.#ete#$ honest, MinWoo was 5ust a good riend and rea##$ didn2t want to #ose him to an$one e#se- had a#read$ #ost

Eugene> cou#dn2t #ose another .erson who 2e grown to #oe and res.ect- The thought o #i0ing MinWoo or HwanHee had neer

crossed m$ mind 1eore- The$ were a#wa$s the 1o$s to me- The$ were whom cou#d go to com.#ain a1out how 1eing a gir# suc0ed,as0 =uestions a1out wh$ gu$s were so mean, and most o a## 5ust 1e m$se#- was a#wa$s a tom1o$ and wi## .ro1a1#$ a#wa$s 1e one

des.ite how dress or #oo0-

M$ .#an had 1een decided and what a 1etter da$ or it to 1e de.#o$ed- Asua##$, it wou#d 1e Shoo, Eugene, HwanHee, MinWoo, and

who wou#d wa#0 home together- We2d dro. o Shoo irst since she #ied the arthest awa$, then MinWoo, me, and HwanHee wou#dend u. wa#0ing a ew eet a#one towards his house across rom mine- t 1ecame tradition- E6ce.t now, Eugene cou#dn2t 1e with us

an$more- She2d a#wa$s 1e 1us$ with her #essons- B$ now, she had 1ecome a sma## time mode#- The sessions .reent her rom seeing

us ater schoo#- The on#$ .erson who got to see Eugene an$more was Bada since the$ attended the same acting schoo#- Toda$ was one

o those da$s where Eugene wasn2t with us- We2d a#read$ dro..ed o Shoo and now it was 5ust the three o us- had nothing 1etter to

do that da$ so when MinWoo as0ed me to sta$ or ice cream o1#iged- HwanHee had to get home and do his homewor0-

He had a#wa$s 1een the smartest out o a## o us- *nd his grandmother was =uite a character- She was an eccentric o#d #ad$ who sent

ear into .oor HwanHee- His .arents were sti## o in some other states attending to 1usiness meetings so he sta$ed at home with his

grandmother most o the time- Don2t get me wrong 1ut she was a er$ sweet #ad$, 5ust not to HwanHee- t wasn2t that she didn2t care

or him> it was 5ust that she wanted to show his .arents that she was ta0ing good care o him, een i it came at a harsh .rice-HwanHee was too sot s.o0en and res.ectu# to eer diso1e$ his grandmother- *t times, rea##$ did worr$ a1out him 1ecause she had

sometimes made him cr$- To see someone so sweet shed tears tore me u.- He2d come to me since #ied the c#osest- *nd he2d te## me

what degrading remar0s she wou#d s.it at him- e#t so .ained 1$ his tears- He rea##$ did tr$ hard to .#ease his ami#$- His .arents had

a#wa$s e6.ected him to 1e on to. o the c#ass and it was his grandmother that wou#d insure that their e6.ectations were met- HwanHee

in turn, wor0ed himse# to the 1one in schoo#- He too0 * courses and was in the ited c#asses- We a## 0new he too0 such courses anda..#auded him in his academic success, 1ut no one 0new what droe him to wor0 so hard- The on#$ .erson he had eer$ shared the

truth was me-

MinWoo had gone inside to get some o.sic#es and was sitting on the edge o the ront dec0 with m$ #egs s.raw#ed u.on the three

ste.s 1e#ow and m$ arms e6tended 1ehind, .ro..ing me u.- t wasn2t the irst time s.ent and aternoon with MinWoo- But thiswou#d 1e the irst time since a #ong time we wou#d do this- Since the Diision, none o us had s.ent much time with an$one e#se other

than our 1est riends- We were a## 1est riends 1ut we had our twins in the grou.- Mine2s was Shoo and MinWoo2s was HwanHee-

Eugene now had Bada-

That da$ hadn2t 1een the 1est o da$s- There was no sun 1ut instead a sing#e mass o gra$ish materia# ene#o.ed the s0$ in a dreadu#shade o 1oredom- There had 1een a ew showers ear#ier in the da$ 1ut the ground had dried u. again-


3/7

was sti## thin0ing a1out how no one 0new how much had dis#i0e Bada and how was ho#ding des.erate#$ onto what was #et o the

strong 1ond we a## once shared- missed those da$s when had two sets o 1est riends- The$ were times where cou#d c#ear#$ #a1e#

m$se#, and eer$one around me, as ha..$- We had each other and that was a## we eer needed to sta$ ha..$- That was a time where

riendshi. wou#d 1e the so#ution or eer$thing-

hadn2t rea#i4ed that MinWoo came 1ac0 unti# he 0ic0ed m$ arm- #eaned u. and o m$ arms and continued to sit there with #egs

s.raw#ed- He handed me a canar$ co#ored chun0 o ice and he#d onto his scar#et one- Damn him, he a#wa$s got the cherr$ ones- He

to#d me that there weren2t an$more o the #ime ones (m$ aorite+ and shrugged- To me, the$ a#wa$s taste the same- Wh$ cou#dn2triendshi. 1e #i0e o.sic#es< Ca.tured in an eer#asting stance o i1rant co#ors and artiicia# #aor- *nd then, came to rea#i4e thatwas what riendshi.s were- *nd #i0e the o.sic#es, we a## me#ted awa$ rom what we origina##$ were-

There were a ew minutes o si#ence as we soa0ed in the aternoon- *nother anno$ing da$ o schoo# had .assed and the *terschoo#

had started- MinWoo then started as0ing me a1out m$ da$- re.#ied as usua##$ wou#d a1out schoo# and another si#ence ensued-

thin0 it was then when as0ed him wh$ he neer had a gir#riend- Beore, he had a#wa$s aoided ta#0ing a1out it- Wh$< don2t 0now-

He had to#d me he 5ust wasn2t interested in an$one- But cou#d sense his ear, his ear o commitment- had a#wa$s 0nown it was one

o his #aws- The on#$ thing had eer rea##$ seen him commit; to was our grou., his riends- That was it-

don2t 0now what ha..ened ater that, 1ut we ended u. .#a$ing again- 8i0e we a#wa$s did- We2d a#wa$s 5o0e around at the mostina..ro.riate times- See, he cou#dn2t een sta$ to a to.ic-

guess it was when was getting u. to go home when it ha..ened- We had ended u. with him sa$ing, #oe $ou; in some chi#dish

singsong wa$- *nd or once, didn2t res.ond with an Eww; 1ut instead .ec0ed him =uic0#$ on the #i.s and returned his 1anter-

had shoc0ed him as much as shoc0ed m$se#- What was doing< This wasn2t me- *nd then remem1ered- This was or the grou.-

This was the on#$ wa$ to 1e sure he wou#d sta$ with us- was a1out our houses rom m$ own when heard him running towards me- guess he had ina##$ rea#i4ed that wasn2t standing ne6t to him an$more- MinWoo as0ed i he cou#d wa#0 me home and 5ust ro##ed

m$ e$es- heard him gigg#e and we resumed our wa#0 towards m$ house- The who#e time we 5o0ed around whi#e wa#0ing, it was #i0e

we a#wa$s did- t was as i what did neer ha..ened-

t was when we got to the ront o m$ house when rea#it$ had ina##$ caught u.- was on m$ wa$ towards the door, as a#wa$s, and he

ca##ed out to me- turned to see him wa#0ing towards me rom the sidewa#0- When he reached me, a string o mum1#ed words e##

rom his #i.s- didn2t com.rehend what he was sa$ing 1ut #istened nonethe#ess- M$ attention 1egan to wander and a strange

sensation ina##$ 1rought me 1ac0- t was a sot 0iss rom MinWoo that had near#$ winded me- He then to#d me the rea# reason wh$ he

neer had a gir#riend> he said it was 1ecause he had me- e#t #i0e such a 1rat 5ust then- wasn2t doing this 1ecause #i0ed him, 1ut 1ecause didn2t want him to stra$ awa$- e#t een worse 1ecause he had ee#ings or me a## a#ong-

0new it was going to hurt, 1ut 5ust not this much- cou#dn2t 1e#iee was doing this to one o the dearest .eo.#e in m$ #ie- But it had

to 1e done- cou#dn2t #ose him to an$one an$more- cou#dn2t stand to #ose another riend to the wor#d-

That eening, things too0 a change or the 1etter- MinWoo and had oicia##$ 1ecome a cou.#e and it seemed #i0e the grou. was

ina##$ coming 1ac0 together- Ma$1e3it was returning to the wa$ it had 1een 1eore<

Part4

@or a1out a $ear, MinWoo and had 1een together- t was now F&th grade and rom was a..roaching- Our re#ationshi. had 1een as it

a#wa$s was- We sti## .#a$ed around, 1ut guess we actua##$ meant it now- t was a cute t$.e o re#ationshi.- More o a riendshi. with

more mush rather than something romantic- Which was .ro1a1#$ the wa$ .reerred it- 5ust wanted to 1e his riend 1ut there was aconstant act that had to 1e .#a$ed when was with him- was so araid o #osing another riend that this was what resorted to- t was

such a #ow#$ act o deceit> sun0 dee.er into se#7hate as time .assed- hated doing this to him 1ut m$ mind was too 1us$ tr$ing to

conince m$se# that it was the on#$ wa$ to actua##$ #et it sin0 in-

The da$s were .assing more s#ow#$ now- *nd cou#d once more, see that things were turning sta#e- Not sour31ut sta#e- The unre#ationshi. that MinWoo and had was now s#ow#$ diminishing- t had #ost a## o the #uster and un it was so u## o when we irst

agreed to go out and when we were nothing more than riends- cou#d te## he was starting to sense that had neer u##$ returned his

ee#ings the wa$ that shou#d hae-

t was during this time when rea#i4ed that Shoo had a#most disa..eared- hadn2t seen her in such a #ong time that near#$ orgota1out her was so .reoccu.ied with MinWoo> didn2t see m$ 1est riend s#i..ing awa$- M$ irst and truest riend was s#ow#$

de.arting rom me- During these times went to see her, there was a er$ distinct #ac0 o #ie in her motions and e6.ressions- M$

worr$ or her heightened as continued to see her in such a dead state- One da$, she ina##$ to#d me what had 1een 1othering her: her

ather had 1een diagnosed with cancer- That night, sta$ed oer her house to ma0e sure she wou#d 1e o0- We cried and we ta#0ed the

who#e o that night- a.o#ogi4e or not 1eing here or her when she irst ound out and she a.o#ogi4ed or not coming to te## me- to#dher a1out the esca.ade that was su..osed to MinWoo and m$ re#ationshi. and she understood- t was so hard dea#ing with things #i0e

this on m$ own- was good at 0ee.ing secrets 1ut in turn, the$ tore me a.art- We had ta#0ed as i it were the irst time we had eer

ta#0ed- There were 5ust so man$ things going on that had se.arated us or such a #ong time- t e#t #i0e wou#d neer 1e as c#ose, as

was in the o#d da$s, to Shoo-


4/7

t had now 1een another ew wee0s 1eore Shoo and cou#d see each other again- t had 1ecome such an erratic thing, this meeting u.

5ust to ta#0- 0new it then that had #ost her- *nd des.erate#$ wanted m$ 1est riend 1ac0- 5ust didn2t 0now how to get her 1ac0-

These were the times were m$ se#7hate rose to an a## time high- was a misera1#e teen inside 1ut it neer showed on the outside-

MinWoo cou#d see .ast it sometimes and cornered me- 5ust cou#dn2t hide some things rom him- True, he was su..osed to 1e m$1o$riend; 1ut he wou#d a#wa$s 1e m$ riend- MinWoo 0new m$ ha1its and .ersona#it$ 5ust as Shoo does- But wou#d a#wa$s .ush

him awa$- didn2t want him to 1e concerned a1out m$ .ro1#ems- t was during this time where he started to ade rom me- 0new

MinWoo #i0ed someone e#se-

Eugene was .ro1a1#$ the on#$ one who didn2t undergo immense inner turmoi# as the rest o us- She had it good- ecent#$ she2s madeit into a 1ig moie and eer$one now 0new her name- She had 1ecome amous in our communit$ and town- Eugene #oed eer$

moment o it, mean, who wou#dn2t< She caught the attention o #oads o .eo.#e 1ecause o her moie dea#- *nd one o those was

MinWoo2s- 0new she had a#wa$s thought he was handsome 1ut she wou#d neer act on it- MinWoo had neer seen her or an$thing

more than a riend 1ecause at that time, he #i0ed me- But now, things were dierent- MinWoo sees her- *nd sur.rising#$, #et it

ha..en- *ter a##, didn2t get with him 1ecause e#t something or him, 1ut instead, it was 5ust to ma0e sure he2d sta$ c#ose 1$- But guess now, he was seeing her dierent#$- 0new he had a#wa$s wanted to 1e an entertainer o some sort and now, the two shared a

common interest-

was #etting him s#i. awa$ rom me- Ma$1e intentiona##$ or not, was too .reoccu.ied in m$ de.ression and at the #oss o Shoo> it

5ust didn2t matter whether MinWoo was there or not an$more- sti## cou#dn2t 1e#iee how our riendshi.s 5ust weren2t the same as 1eore-

Beore #ong, MinWoo and had ina##$ come to our end- t wasn2t as hard as thought it was going to 1e cause neer had an$ rea#

heart to 1e with him in the irst .#ace- t was me who ended u. 1eing the 1ringer o 1ad news- had caught him on the wa$ to the caG-

He as0ed i wanted to 5oin him a#ong with Eugene and Bada or 1u11#e tea- t was then that to#d him that had to #et him go- O

course he acted as he a#wa$s did and .rotested 1ut sim.#$ denied him- to#d him that 0new o his newound ee#ings or Eugene,and that3it was o0a$- didn2t want to 1e in the wa$ o him inding someone to return his ee#ings- Een3i that .erson was one o

m$ c#osest riends- t must hae hurt him more than thought 1ecause as he wa#0ed awa$, his gait had 1een so de5ected and his eet

dragged across the .aement- Sighs were so common nowada$s- cou#d he#. 1ut heae an es.ecia##$ hea$ one as too0 one good

#oo0 at him 1eore turning m$ 1ac0 to #eae-

went to see Shoo again the da$ had 1ro0en u. with MinWoo-

She had 1een the same as the .reious times had seen her, #i0e her sou# had 1een suc0ed rom her 1od$ and now she was nothing 1ut

a mere she##- Toda$ she seemed =uite unocused, we##3more than usua#- to#d her a1out what had ha..ened and she conso#ed me tothe 1est o her a1i#ities, this was when she rea#i4ed that wasn2t cr$ing or ussing a1out it- to#d her that was a#most ha..$ #et him

go3a#most- t was 1etter to hae sta$ed riends- That was the on#$ reason missed him right now- He##, missed eer$one- Shoo

0new that was in a s#um.- t rea##$ crushed me to hae such a se##ess .#an go to ruin- 5ust wanted our grou. 1ac0> wanted #ie to

1e the wa$ it used to 1e-

Part 5

Oer the ne6t wee0, had 1ecome a rec#use- C#inging to the shadows and ma0ing m$se# as inisi1#e as .ossi1#e were m$ constantgoa#s throughout the da$s- t was the @rida$ again and ound m$se# wa#0ing a#one towards m$ house- didn2t want to wa#0 with

an$one, so 5ust #et ear#ier to aoid them a##- Haha, the act that we #ied so c#ose was once a 1#essing 1ut now, it had 1ecome a curse-

Eer$ time wa#0ed .ast MinWoo2s house, was ha# ho.ing that he2d 1e there with o.sic#es and a conersation- Or ma$1e

HwanHee wou#d 1e outside waiting or me with a smi#e- But no one wou#d 1e home $et- There was sti## a so#id ten minutes 1eorethe$2d a## reach this 1#oc0- e#t re#ieed not haing to dea# with an$one at the moment- *ter dro..ed o m$ 1oo0s and things at

home, e#t a rest#essness oercome m$ senses- The on#$ thing that cou#d thin0 o to do at the moment wou#d 1e to wa#0- Asua##$

HwanHee2s house wou#d 1e o.en to me wheneer had the sudden urge to .#a$ DD, 1ut he wasn2t home $et- *nd .ro1a1#$

wou#dn2t hae gone there een i he were home- needed to 1e a#one- *wa$ rom a## the noise and distur1ances o human0ind-

M$ eet too0 me a## oer the .#ace- @rom one 1#oc0 to another without a second thought o where it was- When ina##$ #oo0ed u.

again, was in ront o Shoo2s house- How had ended u. here, no idea- But in an$ case, headed u. towards the door- She was

.ro1a1#$ home 1$ now, had wa#0ed or a good ort$ minutes, and so she must hae 1een home 1$ now- *nd there she was- @or some

reason, she #oo0ed e6treme#$ .a#e and unhea#th$- t was #i0e the co#or was 1eing drained rom her- Her .a##or sent me into an

immediate .anic- She had to#d me, that da$ that came to ta#0 to her a1out MinWoo, her ather had died in a car accident the da$ 1eore- The #itt#e ee#ing had #et s#i..ed rom m$ #im1s and 1ecame who##$ num1- That was the reason she was so out o it that

da$- The gui#t e#t cou#d not 1e e6.ressed in an$ words or motions- She had 1een so generous as to conso#e me a1out m$ .ro1#ems

that she cou#dn2t een 1ring hers u.- wanted to cr$- *nd wanted to smac0 m$se# or 1eing such a oo#ish gir#-

*ter a so#id ie minutes o si#ence, she inited me in- The atmos.here was com.#ete#$ wrong- Her mother had #ost her mind due toher .recious hus1and2s death and was now s#ouching on their couches with an em.t$ ga4e i6ed in her e$es- She had 1ecome a human

egeta1#e- She was .h$sica##$ #iing 1ut her sou# and mind were not there- stared at her or the #ongest time unti# Shoo ca##ed me into

the 0itchen-

She was 1us$ .re.aring dinner- Her mother had taught her man$ reci.es when she was $oung- She grew u. ma0ing them or her ather 1ecause the$ were his aorite dishes- t was a## she 0new how to ma0e and cou#d ee# her .ain seethe rom within- 0new she


5/7

wanted to cr$- How 1ad#$ she wanted to #et it a## go- t was so .ainu# or her that een cou#d ee# each searing .aro6$sm- M$ heart

c#enched u. and .ushed 1ac0 the tears- ca##ed to her and she shoo0- cou#d te## she was cr$ing now- The 1oth o us we.t or the

#ongest time in the 0itchen- There was now an immense res.onsi1i#it$ that was shoed onto Shoo2s shou#ders- She had to inish schoo#

and ta0e care o her mother- This 5ust a## wasn2t air or someone who had 1are#$ turned eighteen- When it was time or m$ .arting,

waed and smi#ed or Shoo2s mother- Ma$1e it wou#d gie her a #itt#e ho.e and 1ring her ormer se# 1ac0< She smi#ed and returnedthe wae unti# 1id her good hea#th and ho.e o her getting 1etter- Her ace e## and 1ecame sad once more- She shoo0 her head at m$

comment as i to sa$, No, won2t 1e getting 1etter3;

t was one o those moments where 5ust the sma##est o things made $ou want to cr$- ended u. wa#0ing home in 1right eeningsunshine- cursed at the weather or not conorming to m$ mood, cursed the wor#d or doing this to one o the sweetest .eo.#e 0now, and cursed m$se# or not 1eing a1#e to do a thing- *s wa#0ed home, the tears e## end#ess#$- There 5ust was no .oint in

wi.ing them awa$ an$more since the$ 0e.t .ouring without .ause- M$ .arents 0new what had ha..ened, 1ut the$ 0e.t it rom me-

Wh$< don2t 0now, and cou#dn2t 1e angr$ with them since the$ were constant#$ worried a1out me now- The si#ence grew with each

moment o the .assing da$s- Soon had sto..ed ta#0ing to eer$1od$- *## wished or now was to cur# u. in a corner and shut the

wor#d out o m$ #ie-

The ne6t ew wee0s had 1een so .ainu#- Our grou. had 1een so diided> there was 5ust no re.air that cou#d sa#age what we once had-

HwanHee had attem.ted to reconci#e with me 1ut wou#d a#wa$s ind an e6cuse to #eae him 1ehind- t had 1een Shoo who to#d me in

our ear#ier da$s that HwanHee #i0ed me- But he was a#wa$s too sh$ to do an$thing, and he didn2t want to ruin the wonderu#

riendshi. we a#read$ had- Ma$1e shou#d hae #et him 1ac0 into m$ #ie< Or wi## that 5ust eentua##$ ade< had tried so hard to 0ee.eer$one together- tried, and ai#ed- This ai#ure must hae 1een the 1iggest in m$ #ie since sti## ee# the re.ercussions o what

ha..ened that $ear-

t was now months since we were out o high schoo#- sti## #ie at m$ .arents2 house on the same 1#oc0 with the same .eo.#e-

HwanHee had #et or co##ege in the cit$ near ours and MinWoo had gone o to schoo# somewhere e#se- Eugene was ma0ing it 1ig in

the moies and Bada was somewhere, trai#ing 1ehind her- Shoo was going to a co##ege near1$ so she cou#d sti## su..ort her motherand attend c#asses without too much hass#e- went to a uniersit$ the o..osite direct o eer$one e#se2s- did it to aoid them a##- t

was strange- sti## remem1er that ee#ing had $ears .rior when had introduced them a## to each other, that ee#ing o unease and

wrongness- 0new something was going to ha..en rom the start, 1ut it #et it a## go thin0ing it was going to 1e or the 1etter- had

once 1e#ieed that a## o us wou#d 1e as c#ose to each other as we were indiidua##$- How so er$ wrong had 1een3so wrong3

Part 6

t has 1een near#$ a $ear since 2e transerred out o the co##ege near m$ hometown- *ter months o coa6ing, m$ .arents gae in and#et me transer out o the co##ege near1$ to one urther rom the house- t wasn2t that much 1etter o a co##ege 1ut it .ut mi#es 1etween

me and m$ .ast and that was a## needed at the moment- The ee#ing o u#timate ai#ure had neer #et me- *nd eer$da$ 1rought a

new ons#aught o miser$ and gui#t- Seera# times the ee#ing o wanting to s#ee. oreer had crossed m$ mind, 1ut there was that

constant ho.e o wa0ing u. to ind m$ riends 1$ m$ side that sto..ed me-

The da$s were #oo0ing =uite 1#ea0 or me and thought the sun wou#d neer shine again- De.ression and the ee#ing o 1#ame c#ouded

m$ thoughts and ha..iness had 1ecome a oreign conce.t to me- cou#dn2t he#. thin0ing that the reason m$ riends had a##en a.art

was 1ecause o me- didn2t tr$ hard enough that didn2t .ut enough eort into each one o them, that it was a## m$ au#t that we were

a## so dis.ersed as we are now- Each da$ had 1ecome so diicu#t to endure nowada$s since m$ c$nica# thoughts 0e.t dragging medown eer$ time 2d ind some wa$ to get 1ac0 u.- Een 1reathing had 1ecome a tas0 that re=uired e6ertion- M$ gui#t was suocating

me and there was no one to reach in and .u## me out-

That was unti# the da$ m$ saior came or me-

* saior 1$ the name o Brian "oo- We had met 1$ strange coincident at a caG- had neer noticed him 1eore and he c#aimed to 1e in

a#most a## m$ c#asses- He said he needed a tutor or a .ro5ect in .re7#aw and the teacher recommended me- *#though m$ de.ression

tore at m$ sanit$, m$ igi#ance oer education was eer#asting- had a thirst or 0now#edge and #earning was as eort#ess as 1reathing-

We had 1ecome ast riends- But that .ast o gui#t had a#wa$s 1een #oc0ed awa$ in m$ sti##71rea0ing heart- cou#d ee# that he was

curious 1ut .ut much more eort into concea#ing m$se# awa$ rom him- *#though he wasn2t HwanHee or MinWoo, treated him as wou#d to them- He was 1ecoming m$ new 1est riend- 8ie seemed to ina##$ #etting .ressure o o me- Breathing had come with a

#itt#e 1it more ease than it was when irst arried in this new enironment- Erasing the .ain was a #ot easier when Brian was there to

he#.-

t2s 1een a1out two $ears since 2e #et home and m$ new #ie was sti## 1eing ad5usted to- The .ast that cou#d neer orget was s#ow#$#etting go o me> the torture was #osing its gri.- Ma$1e 2## ind ha..iness again out here- Ma$1e3

had 5ust arried home rom another e6hausting da$ o c#asses when receied a ca##- * message that wou#d neer orgie m$se#

or-

Shoo had committed suicide-

Her mother had died ear#ier that $ear and Shoo cou#dn2t ta0e i t an$more- Mother had 1een o1ious#$ in tears as she s.o0e- M$ .arents

had a#wa$s #oo0ed to Shoo as a daughter and the$ cared or her as did- When her ather had .assed on, m$ .arents he#.ed with the

1i##s and whateer the$ cou#d- Our ami#$ didn2t hae the greatest amount o mone$, 1ut we did what we cou#d to he#. them- * $ear#ater, Shoo2s mother had si#ent#$ committed suicide 1$ oer7dosage o .ain0i##ers- guess, she cou#dn2t stand to 1e awa$ rom her


6/7

hus1and an$ #onger- Mother has to#d me, Shoo had 1een co.ing or seera# months with ho.es o recoering rom her own de.ression

1ut that da$, she cou#dn2t hand#e it an$more and .ut a gun to her head-

san0 to m$ 0nees- *nd sat in that .osition with the ce## .hone somewhere on the #oor sti## o.en- Tears weren2t enough to descri1e

the horri1#e, $et ami#iar, .ain that s#ashed at m$ er$ core- Each 1eat o m$ wea0ening heart thro11ed with .ain so great 1reathingwas 1are#$ .ossi1#e or me- wasn2t there or her- t was the on#$ thought that ran through m$ mind-

wasn2t there or her3

cou#d hae saed her- M$ 1est riend- was too 1us$ out here tr$ing to orget the .ast, and it comes thundering 1ac0 into m$ #ie withmore .ain that had to endure when was actua##$ there- M$ 1est riend3

was too #ate- shou#d hae 1een there a## the time or her- shou#d hae 1een that .erson whom she went to when there were tears-

shou#d hae 1een there- shou#d hae 1een there3

*nger3emorse3ain3

e#t them a## with each .a#.itation o m$ d$ing 1od$- M$ mind had its #imits- cou#d hae #ost it a## right there 1ut didn2t- The shoc0

was sti## too much or the inormation to register u##$ and the on#$ thing had on m$ mind was to go 1ac0- didn2t een 1other to ca##

the schoo# or te## an$one- had to get there- .ac0ed a ew sets o c#othes and m$ car raced 1ac0 to the .#ace tried so hard to runrom-

had not cried since got 1ac0- hadn2t the tears or the .ain e#t- M$ heart e#t so dead 1ut sti## it .um.ed much needed 1#ood

throughout m$ 1od$- e#t so num1 and $et cou#d ee# eer$ .ric0 o ache throughout m$ heart- This 5ust was not ha..ening- t

cou#dn2t ha..en- Shoo was a i1rant $oung woman who #oed #ie as much as used to- She was destined to 1e a .ediatrician and

hae a uture- She was su..osed to 1e m$ 1ridesmaid3

She was su..osed to 1e m$ 1est riend oreer3

Part 7

The da$ o the unera#, was the irst there- Een 1eore an$one e#se, was there- M$ e$e wou#dn2t #eae the coin where m$ 1est

riend #a$- The$ cou#dn2t #oo0 at an$thing e#se- t wasn2t ha..ening- wou#d wa0e u. and 1e in m$ a.artment with te6t, rom the

1oo0s studied rom, im.rinted on m$ chee0s- wou#d wa0e u. and see Brian greeting me with coee and a Danish- wou#d wa0e u.and ind the .roessor sco#ding me or a##ing as#ee. in c#ass- wou#d wa0e u.3and this wou#d a## disa..ear- t wou#d a##3go awa$3

But no matter how much ordered m$ 1od$ to wa0e u. or m$ mind to sto. dreaming, was a#read$ awa0e, and this was a## rea#it$-

But sti## reused to 1e#iee it- Shoo was not in there- She cou#dn2t hae 1een- *nd no matter how #ong stared at her sti## ace, it sti##wou#dn2t register- had 1een there so #ong> hadn2t rea#i4ed that .eo.#e had started to show u.- The$ surrounded the coin and a wide

circ#e around me- guess the$ 0new o the two o us and what we2e 1een through- HwanHee had arried and made a 1ee#ine or me-

Not a word was s.o0en 1etween us during the entire ceremon$- He s#ung a .rotectie arm around m$ shou#ders in attem.ts to conso#e

me- But cou#dn2t ee# an$thing- cou#d sense the .resence o Eugene, Bada, and MinWoo somewhere in the crowds 1ut made no

attem.ts to ma0e contact with them-

The .astor had made his s.eech and others contri1ution with their own- The entire time stared- Most o the time, the wish o

switching .#aces was a## that wou#d course through these demented thoughts o mine- The 1e#ie that shou#d hae 1een in there

instead o Shoo was so strong> wou#d hae #ea.t in with her i HwanHee weren2t ho#ding onto me- was ho.ing that she wou#d wa0e

u. and smi#e again- wished with a## the energ$ had #et in m$ 1are sou# or her to wa0e u. and #augh at me, sa$ing that it was 5ust aruse or me to come 1ac0- Bust she neer did- She neer3did3

had 1een there since 1eore the guests had arried and was there ater the$ a## had #et- stared- t was a## cou#d do- t was then

when the tears e##- *nd the$ e## as i it were the #ast time the$ were a1#e to- M$ ace was soa0ed 1ut the$ 0e.t on dri..ing rom m$

tired ace- HwanHee had he#d me rom 1ehind with arms wra..ed around m$ stomach and arms, not tr$ing to end m$ tears- He 0newthe$ had to 1e re#eased- *nd cou#d ee# his tears stream down m$ nec0 and soa0 into the starch$ 1#ouse that hid m$ tired #im1s- t had

1een a1out thirt$ minutes since eer$one had #et and the two o us were sti## there, so11ing- The graestone as a## we had #et to #oo0

at ater the 1uria#- t was a## we had #et o Shoo3

Bada was em1racing Eugene and the two were so11ing ierce#$- But it was Eugene that had e#t the .ain that did- She had 1een a #otc#oser to Shoo than Bada- MinWoo was si#ent in his mourning- There were tears, 1ut he tried not to ma0e a oo# o himse# as

HwanHee was doing- turned m$ 1ac0 on the stone and 1uried m$ ace into HwanHee2s 1#ac0 1#a4er- During the entire time, the tears

5ust streamed rom m$ e$es without m$ ma0ing a sound- But had to #et it a## out and HwanHee was here or me to ho#d onto- *## that

time where needed an anchor to 0ee. me grounded, shou#d hae come 1ac0 to m$ riends- The ee#ing o gui#t had neer #et me

and now it strengthened, teno#d- Each tear carried out a minute tric0#e o the agon$ that gnawed at m$ sou# and mind- Sanit$ washanging as a s.ider rom a thread and ma$1e, there wou#dn2t 1e an$one to .u## me out this time-

1it into his shou#der as cried- The so1s shoo0 m$ entire 1od$ and e#t #i0e co##a.sing on the s.ot- The tears HwanHee had now

ceased and it was 5ust me who was #etting a## o tears a##- But the entire time, not one word had 1een e6changed- t was as i a## s.eech

1etween the ie o us had 1een muted and a## that cou#d 1e heard were the so1s o anguish-


7/7

HwanHee has ina##$ coa6ed me to turn awa$ rom Shoo and go home- wanted to resist 1ut did as he .#eaded- The tears were sti##

a##ing and there wasn2t an$thing cou#d do to ma0e them sto.- MinWoo had attem.ted to ma0e contact with me as we #et 1ut

wa#0ed 1$ him as i he were not een there- cou#d ee# HwanHee 1oring a death g#are straight through MinWoo- But didn2t #oo0-

5ust didn2t see them an$more- Eer$one had 1ecome inisi1#e to me, een HwanHee who he#.ed to escort me home- had tota##$ shut

out the wor#d and it2s damned nuisances- t was a## cou#d do ater Shoo was gone-

cou#dn2t he#. ee# that somewhere in that grae$ard, $ou2d ind m$ a1i#it$ to 1e ha..$ and smi#e 1uried with m$ 1est riend- * 1etter

.art o m$ sou# had 1een interred with her- *nd thought ma$1e it wou#d 1e or the 1est- She desered ha..iness more than did and

so gae her mine-

That was the da$ when awo0e rom the dream that was m$ .ast- The da$ that rea#i4ed that riendshi.s were not oreer- shou#d

hae 1een there or a## m$ riends instead o running awa$- was araid o their disa..ointment and turned m$ 1ac0 on them- nstead

o re.rimands, shou#d hae rea#i4ed the$ wou#d understand and sti## acce.t me- That da$ was m$ greatest regret- shou#d hae 1een

there a## a#ong- sti## remem1er the #aughter rom chi#dhood3and wish it were here to re.#ace the tears o toda$-

Best riends are .eo.#e $ou can neer hate3neer orgie3and neer orget- The$ are the .eo.#e who ma0e u. who $ou are- Don2t

#et them s#i. rom $ou31ecause i $ou do3$ou2re s#i..ing rom $ourse#3

TH !D

a dream of friendship by sleepii

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