8 Important Reasons To Let Go Of People Who NoLonger Play An Important Part In Your Life

There comes a point in every person’s life when he or she parts ways with someone: ex, friend and anyone in

between.

Upon first meeting this person, there’s a sweet beginning, but once you come to really know each other and

grow comfortable, you suddenly realize that the relationship no longer brings any particular value to your life

and is perhaps, even detrimental.

Sometimes, we hold on to people purely based on how long we have known them. Time can tie people

together, but if you feel as though there’s nothing substantial keeping you connected, time is not a strong

enough reason to hold on to something that’s simply no longer worth holding onto.

MOTIVATION • ALYSSA HO • JUL 28, 2014 - 9:58AM

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We grow complacent with people once we’re comfortable with them. But, hanging onto someone for the pure

sake of it and because you don’t know anything else isn’t a good enough reason.

Fear is another reason why we can’t move on. There’s the fear of being alone and not being able to find

someone else; fear of someone using our deepest and darkest secrets as blackmail; fear of the hate and

tension that will ensue; fear of regret once someone is gone.

Sometimes, things are better left as mere memories. You can try to change things back to how they were or try

to create things to be the way you want them, but you’ll never be truly happy because it’ll never be anything like

how things once were.

If anything, there’s now too much pressure and expectation in the air to recreate what you both once had.

Instead, hold on to and cherish the memories, but move forward. Be thankful for what a friendship or

relationship brought you and taught you.

Beyond that, friendships and relationships — whilst they do have their downfalls and can require fixing —

should essentially come naturally.

If a person isn’t bringing something significant to your life, not treating you how you’d like or isn’t the type of

person you want him or her to be, it’s a clear sign that you need distance.

While it would be selfish of you to not accept a person for whom he or she is, it would be unfair for you to have

to endure a friendship or relationship that isn’t cultivating a better you.

Now that we have come to ascertain why you may be holding on, let’s make it clear why you need to let go:

1. Let go because things are not the same anymore.

People simply grow a part, which is perfectly normal. You realize you want different things, no longer share the

same interests, no longer understand and no longer connect.

Sometimes, it’s a matter of accepting that it takes time to let go, rather than holding on to something that just

can’t be brought back, was lost a long time ago or perhaps, was never really there at all.

It’s difficult to hold on to people in life, but remember that you’re destined to meet different people along your

journey who will bring you happiness, sorrow, pain and joy.

2. Let go because the trust and loyalty isn’t there.

If you know in your heart that you can’t trust this person and he or she cannot be loyal, then you need to ask

yourself why this person is in your life. Trust and loyalty are the foundation of any friendship and relationship.

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If they’re not present, it may only lead to paranoia, frustration, tension and anger that you’re better off without

feeling.

Find someone with whom you can share your deepest darkest secrets and you know that after walking away,

his or her lips will remain tightly sealed. Find someone whose faithfulness to you will be unquestionable

because his or her actions, rather than empty promises, bring you a peace of mind.

3. Let go because you are unclear of where things stand.

Engaging in an undefined friendship or relationship is confusing because you don’t know what you mean to the

person, if anything at all. If the person can’t make you feel as though you’re significant, reflect on why you’re

allowing someone to treat this way.

Be in the company of someone who is proud to have you in his or her life and will make that known to you and

the rest of the world. Be in the company of someone who won’t gamble with your heart and mind simply

because he or she knows you’re not going anywhere.

4. Let go if the friendship or relationship is damaging to you.

If the friendship/relationship is making you unhappy or miserable, it’s time to bid the person farewell. We must

not allow ourselves to feel trapped and used to being treated far less well than we deserve.

If someone is putting you down, competing with you, not paying attention to you, not caring about you, abusing

you, embarrassing you in front of others, making you question yourself, belittling you or simply just not caring

about you, remove the negativity from your life as soon as possible. Respect yourself enough to be able to walk

away.

5. Let go if you simply don’t see eye to eye.

It is hard to make a relationship work if you can’t ever agree or see each other’s points of view. If the one thing

you can agree on is that neither of you can agree, it might be time to walk away.

In many friendships and relationships, people come together through unlikely chances, through their

differences and lack of similarities. Therefore, it can work, but if you find that it’s a significant source of many of

your disputes and tensions, get out now.

6. Let go if you’re the one fighting to make it work.

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If your relationship makes you feel as though you’re the only one putting in effort, time and love, reflect on

whether or not it’s worth it. If someone truly loves you, cares for you or wants and needs you, the person will

never allow you to invest disproportionate effort.

Find someone who makes you feel worthwhile and worthy. Find someone who fights to have you in his or her

life. Find someone who knows how lucky he or she is to have you.

Find someone who acknowledges everything you have done and will do. Don’t waste your time on anything

less.

7. Let go if he or she doesn’t encourage you or believe in you.

If you find that your relationship isn’t providing you with support, reflect on what the person is providing. You

deserve someone who will be there to encourage you throughout your journey and believe in you maybe even

more than you believe in yourself.

8. Let go if the relationship isn’t bringing you what you want and need.

Ask yourself whether you can do without the relationship or whether it’s something you unquestionably want

and deserve. Sometimes, there’s this belief that we can be “too fussy” with what we want from others in life, but

then again, why should we settle for anything less than happiness?

Don’t ever allow someone to make you feel needy for wanting someone who will love, care and support you,

someone who will listen and give you insightful advice, someone who wants the same things, someone you can

trust and will be loyal to you, someone who believes so strongly in you and your capabilities. Just someone who

makes you feel like you’re someone.

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context_user=Kimmy_Pham)

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ALYSSA HO

Alyssa is an aspiring writer, forever in pursuit of happiness, whose passion lies in inspiring and

empowering people as much as she can through what she terms "the power of words." She

believes in finding the beauty in everything in life and therefore turns to writing to influence others to

do the same. The young woman has a strong desire for connecting with people and touching their

lives through this passion of hers. She endlessly finds herself daydreaming. For her, life is made

meaningful and beautiful by wishful thinking and finding yourself so lost in your thoughts and your

desire of your own perfect wonderland that you wake to reality with a passion to make it all come

true. http://herwonderlandlust.blogspot.com.au/

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Add a comment 67 comments

Ziggy Siegfried · · Top Commenter

Wow! I've had great frinds for over 40 years. If I listened to pathetic advice like this, I'd befriendless and divorced. Friendship isn't always built on the good times. Strong friendships do tput expectations on one another. Whoever wrote this needs a friend.

Reply · Like · · Follow Post · July 30 at 3:18pm

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Yoojin Kim Joo Joo · Top Commenter

How is this advice pathetic? There maybe people who keep the friendship going aslong as you did and still going, and there maybe someone who also had afriendship as long as you did, but things still change, people change, andfriendships and any other types of relationships between people can change, andit's not necessarily a bad change. If that change benefits both people, why not?

Reply · Like · · July 31 at 4:12pm14

Mark Christopher · · Top Commenter · American Military University Online

Friends that still live at home for the past 15 years isn't toxic? You serious? Making$25000 a year and always leeching off you because you are successful isconsidered hard time? Its called I grew up and they live in high school still. You needto learn to read. But then again, you are probably that person they are talking abouthere.

Reply · Like · · August 1 at 12:56am

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Madison Norris · · Top Commenter

Seems as if you failed to grasp the concept of this article, or maybe you just wantedto disagree to sound off an irrelavant opinion. The context of this article is for peoplewho may not have the best of friends or relationship, those in questioning, thosewho might not be reaping the engaging and learning experience or uplifting positivejoy of that relationship or friendship any longer; If at all. If you have great friends goodfor you! obviously this doesn't apply....smh

Reply · Like · · August 1 at 10:31am

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Griselda Martinez · Top Commenter · UMBC

Just because you've been friends with someone for a long time, doesn't mean they're goodfriends. I've learned this the hard way.

Reply · Like · · Follow Post · July 30 at 8:53pm26

Tonya Charles · Atlanta, GA

This. All the way. Sometimes I see friendships people have and wonder what in theworld they are getting out of them? There is nothing reciprocal in them. But to eachtheir own. I love the article and it actually made me contemplate some relationshipswith people I call friends.

Reply · Like · · July 31 at 7:34am9

Yoojin Kim Joo Joo · Top Commenter

I agree wholeheartedly. It's similar to how if you're in an abusive relationship for

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I agree wholeheartedly. It's similar to how if you're in an abusive relationship foryears, and you realize how abusive it is and you try to move on from it. It's confusingme how some people can think this article is being narcissistic and egotistical.

Reply · Like · · July 31 at 4:24pm9

Jenilyn E. Alexandrie

I actually found this article insightful. Relationships and friendships translatesdifferently for everyone if you find this article relatable then it's worth but if youdon't...doesn't mean it's bad advice.

Reply · Like · · July 31 at 10:37pm4

Rosemary Carchide LeBlanc · · On my ass at Disable

this is dangerous self centered self serving, destined to die alone schlock... who authorized youto advise?

Reply · Like · · Follow Post · July 30 at 3:34pm

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Christian Dussault · Works at UBS

Yea, its gona be a no. You in essence encourage egoism and ignorance. Unless your happy,leave. Its an idiotic notion. Sure, if you are miserable then do something about it, but leavebecause you don't get encouraged? Not being encouraged can be concern and doesn't have tobe malicious. Parents don't always encourage children and they don't mean harm.

Reply · Like · · Follow Post · July 30 at 1:57pm17

Timothy Oh · SAT Math/English Instructor at GO Learning

Article Summarized:

If you're a scared little punk, don't trust anyone. Live alone, only have shallow relationships, andpeace out before you think they can hurt you.

Reality:

The BEST relationships in life are those you work with, those you commit too. It's easy to havethe flimsy relationships this blogger talks about: Drink a beer and say hi to someone. If youwant something more, which everyone deserves, you need to stick with it. You find much morebeauty once you learn all the "dirty" things about your friends.

Reply · Like · · Follow Post · July 31 at 7:34am12

Selam · Top Commenter

Yes! Well said...

Reply · Like · · July 31 at 8:58am1

Kristen StradleyKiKi · LSU

I believe the point the author was trying to make is that you should not "stick with it"nor "commit" to a relationship that results in constant stress, negativity, or lack ofencouragement. Degradation in any relationship is completely unacceptable. Theselfish attitude of society conditions us to lower our expectations and settle inuncomfortable relationships. I support what this author is stating because she isencouraging people to stand up for greater expectations that once ruled societalnorms of encouraging, giving natures.

Reply · Like · · August 1 at 1:55am23

Kelly Clark · · Trabuco Hills High School

I also think people are missing the point of this article. I perceived that the author isdirecting this toward close relationships that are detrimental and toxic to a person.There needs to be a balance between give and take to an extent. It's easy andconvenient for people to use and take advantage you if you're totally committed tothem. You need to draw the line somewhere and assess if the other person ismaking an effort in the relationship or just reaping the benefits. I've had somerelationships where I kept focused on the good things although the scale was tilted

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relationships where I kept focused on the good things although the scale was tiltedmuch heavier on the bad side. I can relate to this with an ex boyfriend and an ex bestfriend. The ex boyfriend was dishonest, abusive, and used me the whole time, but Iloved him. It took me way too long to finally get rid of him. The ex best friend woulduse me and all of the people in our circle of friends. She was very selfish and wouldconstantly gossip about other people. I always wondered what she said about mebehind my back. Finally one day, out of nowhere, she said it all directly to me. Ihonestly can't believe some of the things that came out of her (one of my BESTfriends) mouth. I think the author is saying that you should IDENTIFY these traits inpeople and REALIZE if you would be better off without them.

Reply · Like · · August 1 at 3:26am5

Vicente Jr Torrento Lim · Sr. Manager(branch head) at FAR EAST BANK AND TRUST COMPANY

let go, move on. grow & live gracefully!!!

Reply · Like · · Follow Post · July 30 at 8:34pm11

Victor A. Vallejo · · City Planning Associate at City of Los Angeles, Department of City

Planning · 554 followers

Interesting comments, thanks everyone. It's when you've done all you can that you are notgetting back the same or close to it that you have to let go. One thing if the bad behavior is dueto some mental illness or even a personality disorder, you take this into account. Even then, youmay have to put some distance between you and them just to save your own sanity. A story froma book I read about the people we love, it said something to the effect of a woman who camefrom a very dysfunctional family. For years she made countless efforts to gain their favor andbetter treatment from them. Then the straw that broke the camel's back: it was her son'sbirthday. None of her relatives even sent him a birthday card. He was heartbroken. When thishappened she cut them loose. She had had enough from their neglect and bad treatment. Shewas freed from this bad situation. She felt liberated and was then able to proceed with her lifebeing much happier and freer to meet other people who were treating her right.

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Joshua David Lenon · · West Chester Township, Butler County, Ohio

Just a thought from a guy who probably has a little more insight on something like this... To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possiblybroken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even ananimal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock itup safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless,airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable,irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerableCS Lewis

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Steve Goh ·

The article makes sense. It's simply about playing safe to avoid yourself from losing out andbeing hurt in a relationship .... but then again it's also discouraging us from fighting to saverelationships and we might end up hurting other people too. There can be positive pointssometimes if you hang and battle on...

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Jordane Tu Conné Pas · Boston College

Yeah but sometimes it's like fighting with the win and so better let go as soon aspossible than loose your time, i think

Reply · Like · · July 30 at 8:07pm2

Jenessa Aleff

The way I saw this article was letting go AFTER fighting and doing your own part tosave the friendship or relationship....sometimes you fight and try for so long and theother person has no interest or doesn't see a problem...and you end up being theone hurt anyway.

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Gajendran Sudharson · Top Commenter · Sunway College

Just what I needed to read! Thanks for posting something like this at an important time in mylife.

Reply · Like · · Follow Post · July 30 at 4:15pm5

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