70681623 the secrets of being happy

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The Secrets of Being Happy

The Technology of Hope, Health, and Harmony

By Richard Bandler, Co-creator and Developer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming

& Garner homson, NLP !aster Practitioner and rainer and Developer of !edical NLP

"# $#CR#$ % B#'NG "(PP)

he technology of hope, health, and harmony

$!($"*%RD$ #D''%N

Digital +ersion '$BN ./-0-/1./02-3-3

Paper4ac5 +ersion '$BN ./-0-/1./02-0-2

Pu4lished 4y '6!6 Press, 'nc6

#dited 4y Laura D Le7is

Copyright 8 1033 4y Richard Bandler and Garner homson6 (ll rights reserved6 No part of this

pu4lication may 4e reproduced, stored in retrieval system, or transmitted in any other form or 4y

any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other7ise, 7ithout the 7ritten

permission of the pu4lisher6

D'$CL('!#R (ND "(N9$

Please note that all information in this 4oo5 is provided for educational and informational

purposes only and should not 4e construed as, nor replace, medical or psychiatric advice6 'f you

are suffering from any physical or psychiatric condition, please see5 the advice of the

appropriately :ualified health professional6 he authors e;press their appreciation to those

researchers 7hose 7or5 is cited in this 4oo56 *hile they have inspired us in our 4id to place NLP

in 7hat 7e 4elieve is its rightful intellectual and scientific conte;t, 7e emphasi<e that any

interpretation of their 7or5 is solely ours and should in no 7ay 4e ta5en as e;plicit support or

endorsement for our points of vie76 *e are grateful to those 7riters and thin5ers 7ho have givenus permission :uote their 7ords6 o those 7ho for some reason 7ere una4le to respond to our

re:uests, 7e 7ould appreciate it if they contact the pu4lisher so they can 4e credited in later

editions6

or more educational and entertainment tools 4y Dr6 Richard Bandler please visit



7776Bandler+ision6com

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PL#($# N%#

his is an active participation 4oo56 )ou 7ill 7ant to get a note4oo5 so you can 7rite do7n and

participate in the e;ercises and e;periences included in this e-4oo5 version6 he a4ove sym4ol

appears 4efore e;ercises you need to 7rite do7n in order to complete them successfully6

INTRODUCTION:

he need to face the challenges of the 13st Century

"o7 you 4ecame ="# P#R$%N )%> (R#

ART I

CHATER !

he four conditions of Being "appy6

CHATER "

he Pursuit of "appiness?7hat 7or5s and 7hat doesn@t6

CHATER #

Creating a 7orld 7orth living in !aps, !odels and !ental Constructs

http://www.bandlervision.com/

http://www.bandlervision.com/



CHATER $

ear, eelings and amiliarity $o you thin5 you are running your o7n 4rainA

CHATER %

9no7ing, Believing and >nderstanding

CHATER &

he >se and (4use of !emory?7hy the past is not 7hat it used to 4e

CHATER '

!eaning, Purpose and Perseverance

CHATER (

)our #ssential Needs?$i; 5eys to surviving and flourishing

Commitment, Confidence and Compulsion

CHATER )

"o7 to 4ecome=

"# P#R$%N )%> C(N B#

ART II

CHATER !*

!eeting )our Needs

CHATER !!

inding )our !eaning and !ission



CHATER !"

No7 and en Learning to live in time

CHATER !#

Getting from 7here you are to 7here you 7ant to 4e

CHATER !$

"o7 to future-proof your life

CHATER !%

Bringing it all together

EILO+UE

ust do it = N%*

!* ,UIC- FI.ES

Clear your head, lift your mood, and improve your performance

36 'f you are emotionally stuc5

16 o cur4 an impulse to snac5

6 'f you are depressed

26 o improve your physical performance

E6 o drive 4etter and more safely

F6 o get an irritating tune out of your head

.6 o reduce daydreaming and improve your memory

/6 o change your mood from do7n to up



6 Build a Being "appy mindset in 0 seconds

306 'f you need a :uic5 4oost

AENDI. A

(nchors and (nchoring

AENDI. B

$u4-modality distinctions

he differences that ma5e a difference

AENDI. C

'nside out aming the !on5ey-!ind

BOO-S AND OTHER RESOURCES

THE SOCIET/ OF NL

THE SOCIET/ OF 0EDICAL NL

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

E.ERCISES

3a6 "o7 to eel Good for No Particular Reason

346 )our values app6

16 Gratitude 'nventory



6 *hat is, is Letting it 4e

26 Learning from )our !ista5es

E6 'nstant (ffect $7itch

F6 Putting a Ne7 $pin on %ld eelings

.6 Blind $pot

/6 !emory Recall

6 9no7ing, eeling & Believing

306 (ccelerated Learning Pattern

336 he +ideo Cam Pattern

316 Changing an >nresourceful Belief

36 Part %ne he Red $hoes Pattern

326 Part 7o?Reconsolidation

3E6 Planning to $ucceed

3F6 he un-7ith-etishes Pattern3.6 $trengthening )our $ocial Connectedness

3/6 Repairing or 'mproving a Relationship

36 i;ing )our $ocial Pho4ia

106 Changing )our $u4ective #;perience

136 Developing a H!ind of )our %7nI

116 Developing a $ense of %ptimism

16 (nticipating Challenges, (chieving $uccess

126 Creating )our Personal !ission $tatement

1E6 Creating a Rapid Response !ission $tatement1F6 #m4edding )our !ission $tatement in )our Life

1.6 +isuali<ing )our imeline

1/6 he imeline as a Diagnostic ool

16 Creating a Pro4lem-$olving Pattern

06 he Bac5-to-the-uture Pattern

36 he $ecret of the Presenting Past

16 "ealing )our Past

6 Booting >p )our 10J10 oresight !achine

26 he #instein #ngineE6 'nstalling an #arly-*arning $ystem

F6 $harpening up )our +isuali<ation $5ills

.6 Nature@s Beauty

/6 Raising the Bar

6 !aster #;ercise he Being "appy (lgorithm for Change



206 %vercoming "esitation

236 $etting an (nchor

216 Collapsing (nchors

26 Directed $elf-"ypnosis

226 he Rela;ation Response

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Intro12ction to The Secrets of Being Happy

he technology of hope, health, and harmony

By Richard Bandler and Garner homson

INTRODUCTION

*e are poised on the 4rin5 of one of the most critical times in the history of our species6 %n the

one hand, 7e@ve made e;traordinary technological advances that even a decade ago 7ould have

seemed unimagina4le6 %n the other hand, ne7 issues, such as mass poverty, climate change

and gro7ing chronic illnesses, threaten the prosperous and harmonious life 7e all hoped 7e@d 4e

living in the Ne7 !illennium6 !any of the promises made 4y science, psychiatry, politics, the

pharmaceutical industry and 4ig 4usiness have failed to 4ring peace, prosperity and happiness toeveryone on the planet6 he moment has come 7hen 7e need to loo5 else7here for the

resources to meet the challenges of the 13st Century6

he decisions 7e ma5e no7 and the actions 7e ta5e 7ill affect the future, not only for us, 4ut for

our descendants for all time6 he possi4ilities are simple and star5 either 7e ma5e a :uantum

leap to a ne7 level of organi<ation and efficiency, or 7e descend deeper into chaos and despair6

*hile 7e are still dependant on technology and many of the suppliers of goods and services not

all of us can plo7 up our 4ac5 yards and gro7 all the food 7e needM, the need is greater than ever

4efore to ta5e responsi4ility for our o7n thoughts, feelings, 4ehaviors and 4eliefs6 'f 7e succeed,

7e could ma5e a massive leap for7ard in our o7n evolution6

'magine for a moment that someone ta5es you into a huge room, pac5ed 7ith the most comple;

technology you@d ever seen and offers to sho7 you ho7 to operate the system so that you can



instantly 4ounce your attitude from one of negativity and dou4t to an attitude of optimism,

cheerfulness and hope6 "o7 radically 7ould your life change if you could s7itch, at 7ill, from

living life do7n to living life upA *hat 7ould you 4e capa4le of achieving if you had a system

guaranteed to upgrade your health and 7ell-4eing, outloo5 and e;pectationsA 's this something

you@d 4e interested inA 'f so, read on =

NL: THE 0ASTER TOOL

During the3.0s t7o young researchers, Richard Bandler and ohn Grinder 4ecame curious

a4out the failure of most psychologists to help their patients ma5e real changes in their lives6

'nstead of digging even deeper into the possi4le causes of human pro4lems, they loo5ed for and

found a scattering of therapists throughout the country 7ho, unli5e their more orthodo;

colleagues, 7ere consistently and sometimes dramatically successful6

By studying modelingM in minute detail the communication styles of each therapist, they

discovered that these professionals used certain patterns com4ining ver4al and non-ver4al

communication6 hese com4inations appeared to have a profoundly positive effect on their

clients6 'nterestingly, the therapists they 7ere studying shared many of these often unconsciousM

patterns, even though their approaches 7ere very different on the surface6

Curious as to 7hether it 7as this or some other unidentified :uality shared 4y these elite

therapists that triggered such dramatic change, the young scientists refined and tested thesepatterns on a large num4er of volunteers6 he results 7ere almost magical and their impact

produced dramatic shifts 7ithin the human potential movement of the time6 (s understanding and

e;perimentation gre7, these discoveries 4egan to challenge some of the most dearly held

psychological truths@ such as change is difficult and ta5es timeM6 'n a very short time, these

findings 4lossomed into 7hat is argua4ly one of the simplest and most effective self-help fields of

our time6

he ne7 methodology 4ecame 5no7n as Neuro-Linguistic Programming NLPM, a reference to

three 5ey driving processes of human action and interaction neurology, communication and4ehavior6

$tated simply, the 7ay you communicate 7ith yourself and others Ling2isticM affects your

nervous system at all levels Ne2roM6 his can 4e used to set up patterns of 4ehavior

rogra33ingM6 he more effective your internal processing, the more re7arding and enoya4le

your life can 4e6



>nderstanding the mechanics of NLP provides students of e;cellence in all fields of human

endeavor 7ith the formulas necessary to create ne7 and e;citing methods of change6 NLP can

4e thought of as he (rt and $cience of #;cellence@, or he $tudy of $u4ective #;perience@6

"o7ever you descri4e it, NLP is a master tool for creating other tools designed to achieve

specific outcomes6 !ost importantly these tools can 4e used 4y anyone6 hey are not reserved

for consultants, coaches, therapists and other leaders of change6 hey are also intended for you.

he good ne7s is you already have the room full of the technological 7i<ardry 7e spo5e a4out

earlier6 't is called your 4rain6 NLP com4ined 7ith this 4oo5 provides you 7ith the 5ey to using

your 4rain easily and affectively6

THE SECIALIST NEURON

)our neurons are capa4le of remar5a4le speciali<ation6 #ven more importantly, they learn 4y

your input and e;perience to respond in a specific 7ay6 >CL( Researcher Dr 't<ha5 ried has

demonstrated ho7 a single neuron in the left posterior hippocampus of one su4ect f ired in

response to all pictures of Friends actress ennifer (niston, 4ut not to other famous and non-

famous faces, landmar5s, animals or o4ects, nor to pictures of (niston 7ith actor Brad Pitt6

Pictures of actress "alle Berry activated a neuron in different part of another su4ect@s 4rain6 hat

4rain also responded to caricatures of the actress, pictures of her in the lead role of the film

Catwoman, and a se:uence of letters spelling out her name6

his revelation that you have a speciali<ed neuron for each of the 4illions of people, places and

things you have ac:uired during your life is almost 4eyond comprehension6 't is clear, though,

that you already have enough highly speciali<ed hard7are to help you get almost anything you

set out to achieve, 4ecome or do6

he reason you still have pro4lems, shortfalls, regrets and failures in your life is that you have

4een using these resources hapha<ardly6 'n all pro4a4ility, you have 4een una7are that you can

ta5e charge of your 4rain@s processing po7er and change its outcomes6 (s an analogy, you have

4een inadvertently using outdated soft7are6 his outdated soft7are forms the 4eliefs and4ehaviors that 5eep giving you results you do not 7ant6 Change the results 4y changing the

soft7are6

'f you are interested in changing your life and are prepared to invest some time and energy in

follo7ing the advice and instructions that follo7, you@ll not only come to understand the principles



4ehind this 4oo5, 4ut you 7ill also 4e a4le to install and put into practice your o7n customi<ed

system to free yourself from negative 4eliefs and 4ehaviors6

"o7 7ould your life improve if you 7ere a4le to

O hin5 clearly and effectively

O Discover ho7 to redirect your life in the direction you 7ant to go

O Design ne7, useful and positive states and e;periences

O 'mprove your health and 7ell-4eing

O 'nstall ne7 information :uic5ly and easily

O %ptimi<e all aspects of your 7or5ing, recreational and personal lifeA

his is an idea 7hose time has come, and not a moment too soon6 Consider the title of Richard

ariQa@s 3FF novel Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up To Me

his gloomy phrase suddenly appeared scra7led on 7alls from the "aight-(sh4ury to "ong 9ong

and even landed in popular hit 4y he Doors in 3.3 7ith a fe7 choice e;tra 7ords added inM6 't

seemed to resonate 7ith millions of young people 7ho discovered that tuning in, turning on anddropping out hadn@t 4rought them the peace, freedom and enlightenment that they@d 4een

promised6

!ore than 20-years later, the situation hasn@t changed much6 People might 7ant more material

things, 4ut the sense of disappointment appears as great6 he 4rief satisfaction that comes 7ith a

ne7 car, a hi5e in 7ages or a ne7 love-affair may loo5 li5e up@ for some people6 (t least for a

little 7hile until the inevita4le reali<ation that this is not it@6 rustrated, they set out to find the ne;t

hit that defines it@6

*hen things do not 7or5 out the 7ay these people 7ant, the response is often to loo5 around for

things and people to 4lame

H' haven@t had the 4rea5sI



HPeople don@t ta5e me seriouslyI

H't@s my up4ringingI

H't@s my lo7 self-esteemI6

(nd then there is the all-time favorite=

Hhe times are ust getting 7orseI6

't is true 7e are living in difficult times6 *hether you are reading that last sentence the day after

this 4oo5 is pu4lished or 10 years on, it is still going to 4e true6 Life is full of pro4lems for many

people, most of the time6 (nd many of the people 4attling 7ith their challenges are spiraling do7n

even deeper into sadness, fear and despair 4y as5ing the 7rong :uestions and running after the7rong things6 he time has come not only to change your 7ays, 4ut to change your mind = for

good 6

H*ell, it might 4e o5ay for some people, 4ut it is not that simple for me,I you might say6 HBut '@ve

got serious pro4lems and they are not going to go a7ay6I

%f course you have pro4lems he cause is simple You got born.

hin5 for a moment a4out 7hat it means to 4e a 4a4y starting life on this particular planet at this,or any other time6 he first thing you have to do is survive6 he tools at your disposal are

primitive6 )ou have no cla7s or teeth to defend yourself against predators, no pelt to 5eep you

from the cold6 )ou have no means of finding food and, even if you had it, you are too puny and

uncoordinated to get it into your mouthM6)our chief means of survival is your a4ility to

communicate6

)ou cry 7hen you are hungry or 7et you 4ur4le and coo 7hen you are feeling safe6 rom 4irth,

you respond to a friendly face 7ith smiles and gurgles and to an angry one 7ith screams and

cries6 'f you are luc5y enough to 4e in the care of attentive, loving adults, they 7ill respond tothese cues 7ith a primal cascade of neurochemicals, including one called o;ytocin6 %;ytocin

provides a feeling of 7ell-4eing and compels those e;periencing it to re7ard you 7ith food, love

and care6



4H/ SO0E FEARS ARE HARD4IRED

he fears you are 4orn 7ith are fe76 (s far as 7e 5no7, humans are 4orn 7ith only t7o the fear

of falling and the fear of loud noises6 his ma5es perfect evolutionary sense6 (s your mother or,

your ancestors@ mothersM s7ung through the 4ranches, you needed to have in you a hard7iredimpulse to hang one, and a healthy fear of letting go as your fore4ears made their 7ay through

alien territory, they needed to respond :uic5ly and emphatically to une;pected noise6

hat said, all your other fears are learned6 )ou learned to 4e afraid of 4eing a4andoned6 )ou

learned to fear authority6 )ou learned your pho4ias6 )ou learned to fear 7hat other people are

thin5ing a4out you, or of flying or riding in an elevator6 his is important and 4ears repeating fear

and a its asso!iated probems is a earned response6

'n principle, this is a good thing6 he part of your 4rain that contains the mechanisms for 4othmemory and fear still operates today6 'ts intention is highly positive6 his part of your 4rain is in

charge of noticing and remem4ering anything that might threaten your safety6 Rightly or 7rongly,

it 4oo5mar5s anything it regards as dangerous and it ma5es sure you 5no7 7hen you are

approaching anything that resem4les this HpredatorI 4y creating the psycho-physiological

response 7e 5no7 as fear6

oday, fortunately, most of us do not face a daily threat to life and lim4 li5e our ancestors did in

centuries past6 his a4ility to learn fear is one of the things that 5ept us alive6 *henever you 7ent

out into the savannah to find something to eat, you increased the li5elihood of returning home if

you remem4ered ho7 that 4ig, furry thing 7ith shiny teeth ate your cousin %g6 hrough that

memory and association, you 4ecame very, very afraid6

FEAR AND SUR5I5AL

ear increases your chances of survival 4y preparing your 4ody and mind for action, something

5no7n as the fight or flight response6 ear activates your a4ility to learn to identify patterns and

thus prevents you from placing yourself in the same 5ind of situation again6

hat fight or flight@ response is still alive and 7ell and functioning on a day-to-day, minute-to-

minute 4asis6 )ou need it in certain circumstances6 or e;ample, if you are crossing a road and a

car is coming at you, that is not a time to use your education or your intellect6 hat mechanism



doesn@t calculate the speed of the car and divide it 4y the estimated distance from 7here you are

to the safety of the side7al56 (lmost at the speed of light, the 4lood is shunted a7ay from your

viscera your internal organsM and into your muscles to prepare them for a 4urst of action6 (t the

same time, most activity is hiac5ed a7ay from the frontal corte;, the rational part of your 4rainM,

and into the hind4rain, that more primitive seat of memory, emotion and survival6

)ou 4ecome strong in a crisis, sometimes far stronger than you have ever 4een 4efore6 "o7ever,

you also 4ecome dum46 *ithout the moderating influence of the fore4rain, your responses are

li5ely to 4e reptilian6 'f something stands in the 7ay of your survival and you cannot escape or

defeat it, something has to give6 (s society 4ecomes more civili<ed, you try to suppress such

responses as inappropriate and even pathological6 'f suppression doesn@t 7or5, you end up going

to a doctor or a therapist 7ith anger issues, an;iety disorders, depression, or some of these

conditions@ ne7er and trendier si4lings social pho4ia, lo7 self-esteem or lac5 of self-7orth6

Predicta4ly these processes are not al7ays as effective 7e 7ould li5e6 he 4rain ma5es

mista5es, not 4ecause it is stupid, 4ut, as 7e@ll e;plain later, 4ecause it needs to ta5e shortcuts in

order to 4e a4le to function at all6

he real challenges 7e face at this point of our development are 4ased on the fact that 7hile 7e

still need this fight or flight response, the ne7s hasn@t :uite filtered do7n to the hind4rain6 't

doesn@t al7ays recogni<e that a run-in 7ith the 4oss or a sco7ling partner is not the same thing

as coming face-to-face 7ith a hungry tiger or some other life-or-death threat6

he comple; time in 7hich 7e live 7ith its challenges and demands of 7or5 and family coupled

7ith the traumas that come at us from left field, can 5eep your Hinner reptileI in a hyper-vigilant

state6 or short periods of time, this is good6 )our physical 4ody and your immune system

sharpen up for action6 'f you can cope 7ith the perceived attac5, you gro7 physically and

mentally6 'f the challenge continues 7ithout resolution, it 4ecomes chronic6 Chronic stress

4ecomes to;ic and your system, that ama<ing com4ination of mind, 4ody and spirit, starts to

degenerate6

o put it simply, 7hen the demands 7e face or thin5 7e faceM e;ceed our perceived a4ility tocope, 7e e;perience stress6

THE BOD/ IN FEAR



he point at 7hich people see5 help going to see a doctor or a therapistM tends to occur 7hen

their struggles over7helm the a4ility of their mind and 4ody to respond6 !uch li5e 7hen a

computer crashes or free<es from too much or inaccurate input, your mind and 4ody o4ects in a

similar fashion 4y developing symptoms6 hese symptoms may 4e 4ehavioral or physical or a

com4ination of 4oth6 Coping 7ith modern day stressors seldom involves physical activity, so the

physiological arousal 7e e;perience 4ecomes diverted into psychosomatic disorders6 #ven if you

do not have the means of communicating 7hat is happening to you, your 4ody does6

$ymptoms start 7ith a positive intention6 hey are designed to gra4 your attention, sha5e you up

and say, H"ey $omething@s 7rong6 Pay attention no7I

or more than a hundred years, priests, psychologists and physicians have tried to fi; people 4y

applying treatments ranging from e;orcism, incarceration, ice 7ater 4aths and shoc5 treatment to

allopathic approaches including deep analysis, cognitive therapies and drugs6 Results thus farhave 4een disappointing6 hese approaches continue to focus on deficit and repair critics of the

allopathic approach maintain it is all simply aimed at anestheti<ing the patient to the symptomM6

Rarely is the focus of treatment on developing health, happiness and 7ell-4eing6

SALUTO+ENIC 5ERSUS ATHOLO+ICAL AROACHES

his is the result of as5ing the 7rong :uestion6 Researchers in physical medicine and psychology

continually approach the pro4lem 4y as5ing, H"o7 do people get sic5 or stuc5AI he theory is thatif only 7e can loo5 deeply enough into the details of a pro4lem, 7e 7ill magically discover the

secret of its cure6 'f it is not possession 4y a ghost or infection 4y a germ, may4e it is the result of

a faulty gene6 his is a reductionist, pathogenic approach6 #ven though it has its uses, it seldom

results in cure6 *hyA The stumbling block is the belief ?4ased on the successes science has

had in dealing 7ith infectious diseases?that every problem has a single, molecular cause.

his 4elief is fla7ed6 People are infinitely more comple; and creative than that, especially if a

pro4lem involves strong emotions and fe7 pro4lems are 7ithout emotionM6 Due to the comple;ity

of humans, each of us has a 7ide and highly creative range of responses encompassing ho7 7ehelp create the pro4lem, ho7 7e maintain it, and ho7 7e attempt to resolve the situation 7e are

in6 his goes to the point a4ove, that the 7rong :uestion is as5ed6

he :uestion that should 4e as5ed is

H"o7 do people get 7ellAI



his is the :uestion that drove and continues to drive the development of NLP 3M6 >nderstanding

ho7 some people act creatively and often unconsciously to help others and themselves to

recover, often in the face of serious life-threatening challenges, gives us valua4le information6

his is 5no7n as a salutogenic approach6 Refined, it can easily 4e imparted to others6

Contrast this to a focus on pathology, a compartmentali<ed approach to treatment6 Pathology

defines conditions and the process of a disease6 't is a4out addressing one pro4lem rather than

the 7hole6 i; one pro4lem, move to the ne;t6

( salutogenic focus see5s to understand, impart and maintain healing and health rather than

dissect the factors that cause disease6 't fully ac5no7ledges the sym4iotic relationship 4et7een

health and stress management6 Rather than treat a symptom, it strengthens the life6 1M

RESONDIN+ TO CHALLEN+E

No matter 7hen you are reading this rest assured, all times are comple; and challenging6 ust

4eing alive re:uires that 7e learn ho7 respond to those challenges6 e7, if any of us cruise

through life 7ithout ever encountering that reality6

Contrary to popular 7isdom, the 7ay to resolve stress is not though elimination or avoidance6!any so-called stress-management e;perts@ advise their clients to identify the things that cause

them most trou4le the stressorM, then to find 7ays to remove them6 'f your highly paid o4 is

giving you stomach pains, the suggestion is you resign and go live in a ca4in on *alden Pond6

his simply does not 7or56 )ou need a certain amount of stress to 5eep you alert, motivate you

and help you meet the challenges of daily life6 M 'f you respond rather than avoid these

challenges, you flourish and gro76 )ou have evolved to prosper in uncertainty6

"ere, then, is the first important principle of this 4oo5

*e are not suggesting you can live 7ithout stress and stressors6 Rather 7hen these are

inevita4le, 7e suggest you can dramatically improve your resilience and a4ility to respond and

resolve the challenges constructively6 'n this 7ay you reframe stress as !"aenge rather than

4eing a victim, you learn to confront and transform that 7hich threatened to destroy you 4efore6

hreats 4ecome triumphs6



Cele4rate housands of years of evolution 4uilt upon these e;periences so that the payoff to

overcoming challenge is gro7th6 Progress is not simply a matter of random chance and natural

selection6 he organisms that survived and f lourished from the hum4lest protoplasm to the fittest,

cleverest human 4eing are those that actively find a 7ay through the pro4lems and crises they

encounter along the 7ay6 his prompts us to reorgani<e our systems, 4ody, mind and spirit at

higher and more comple; levels6 't compels us to success as a species and as an individual6

CONSCIOUSNESS AND CO0LE.IT/

$ir 'saac Ne7ton suggested that everything every7here 7as running do7n, sliding ine;ora4ly

to7ards chaos and disintegration6 But that@s not al7ays true6 'n our corner of the universe, 7e are

moving to7ards increasingly comple; arrangements of cells and systems, processes and

procedures6 *hat Ne7ton failed to ta5e into consideration 7as consciousness coupled 7ith our

a4ility to use it to thin5 a4out thin5ing and to change the 7ay 7e do so6 'n the 4rain, 7e o7n the

only 5no7n organism that can reprogram and evolve itself and the 7orld around it6

%f course such a miraculous metamorphosis only happens if you respond to the pro4lem you are

facing6 )ou have to ta5e action in order to progress6 Not everyone rises to the demands of the

times6 *hen some people fail to adapt, they fall prey to one or more of the current epidemic of

conditions such as depression, an;iety disorders, chronic pain and fatigue6 $adly, since thecurrent mainstream response is either to prescri4e drugs or tal5ing therapy, many of these people

fail to find a 7ay through their pro4lems6 $ome ust sit 4ac5 and 7hine6 hey have 4een

4rain7ashed 4y people 7ith vested interests, such as therapists and + advertisers for

prescription medications, to 4elieve they are the victims of their past e;periences, need drugs, or

lots of e;pensive treatment6 Provided they are not resistant patients or in denial, they may feel

4etter, 4ut, only a long, long 7ay do7n the line6 People in this situation consistently live 4elo7

par6

hen there are those 7ho respond :uic5ly and energetically to the curve 4alls that life thro7s atthem 4y ma5ing :uantum leaps to ne7 levels of e;perience and fulfillment6 hese and the people

7ho help them on their 7ay represent the rainma5ers 7e model6 hey are the success stories 7e

study to find out 7hat they do that is different6 hese are the people 7ho are consistently a4le to

access the process of Being Happy from this point on 7e capitali<e the phrase to indicate that

7e are spea5ing a4out a proprietary process as opposed to an accidental eventM6 (nd here@s the

clincher6 heir s5ills are learna4le6



NLP, the technology 7e apply to model this and pass on 7hat is found to other people can 4e

thought of in a num4er of 7ays

O (s the study and application of e;cellence

O (s a tool to create other tools

O (s a means of accelerating teaching and learning6

his approach has given rise to scores of techni:ues to overcome a 7ide range of de4ilitating

pro4lems and 4ehaviors, from pho4ias to long-standing trauma and a4use from procrastination

to an;iety, depression and o4sessive thin5ing6

'n this 4oo5 7e loo5 at the gro7ing 4ody of research that supports much of 7hat the developers

of NLP have 4een suggesting for forty years6 Because NLP itself is not a discrete field and its

effectiveness depends on the 4ehavioral fle;i4ility of the practitioner, it does not easily lend itself

to standardi<ed Randomi<ed Control esting RCM6 o overcome this, 7e offer principles,

techni:ues and presuppositions found to 4e useful 7hile e;amining research archives in many

different fields to see w"y these might 7or56

(s much independent research today is conducted 7ithout thought of a particular applicatione;cept, perhaps, 7ith the hope of developing a ne7 drugM, 7e have loo5ed at several promising

discoveries 7ith the intention of creating and testing simple, non-invasive techni:ues 4ased on

their findings6

(4ove all, 7e study people, in particular, people 7ho are naturally happy, even 7hen they are

severely tested6 hose 7ho catch our attention are not impractical or unrealistic6 hey do not

pretend nothing is 7rong6 hey do not ignore :ualified advice, 4ut nor do they demand that other

people ta5e responsi4ility for their health and 7ell-4eing6 *hat they do share are some important

characteristics hope and optimism and a tendency to 4e proactive6

Dr Naveed ippu 2M is a physician in the >nited 9ingdom 7ho many years ago attended #orking

in t"e Mira!e $one% one of our seminars on NLP and immune function6 *hat Dr ippu had not

yet shared 7ith anyone there 7as that he@d 4een diagnosed 7ith leu5emia6 o date, four 4outs of

chemotherapy failed



H(fter ' had a 4one marro7 transplant from my 4rother,I Dr ippu recalls6 H' developed a condition

5no7n as graft versus host@ disease, and for t7o years ' 7as on high doses of immune-

suppressant drugs to prevent my 4ody reecting the transplant6I

(ll the signs 7ere that the treatment 7asn@t 7or5ing6

(t one stage, a doctor had said to him, HDr ippu, ' thin5 you should stop denying the seriousness

of your condition6I

Dr ippu replied, H' am not denying the seriousness of my condition6 ' am ust denying that '

cannot get 4etter6I

During the seminar, Dr ippu fi;ated on the suggestion that so-called He;ceptional patientsI,those 7ho recover from serious, even life-threatening, conditions, 4ehave at some level

differently from people 7ho remain ill, often 7ith the same disease6 Dr ippu 4egan to e;plore

and apply principles dra7n from NLP, some featured in this 4oo5, to help him deal 7ith his

disease6 (s he put it, he started to live as a person recovering from cancer, rather than

someone who had it.

No7, more than a decade later, he says, H(s a doctor, ' have to maintain an o4ective, scientific

attitude, and it is possi4le that the disease 7as 4urning itself out any7ay?although that 7ould

have 4een unusual6 But, even if that 7ere the case, ' am 300S convinced that NLP helped myrecovery6 ' have to say that ' never dou4ted for a moment that ' 7ould get 4etter6I

*hat 7e find interesting is that Dr ippu didn@t try to see5 out a4stract goals such as happiness@

or a cure@6 "e understood that health and 7ell-4eing is a process6 "e set out to research 7hat

strategies people in recovery follo7ed6 "e e;plored and tested the strategies of H7ellI people?not

least those that encouraged optimism and hope6 "e filled his life 7ith family, future plans,

challenges and helping others6 (nd life seemed to respond6

(t the time of this 7riting, 4oo5s a4out happiness top the self-help 4est seller lists around the7orld6 $ome are useful many are not6 he fact that they are so popular sho7s that people are

starving for solutions, rather than insight and diagnosis6



or more than a century, psychology has 4een see5ing to find out 7hat 7as 7rong 7ith you, or to

get you to accept yourself the 7ay you 7ere6 't never suggested that people could?and should?

4e a4le to have really good feelings most of the time6

!any people 7ho sought help 4ecause they 7ere unhappy 4elieved therapy 7as to help them

overcome their pro4lems and achieve greater happiness yet 7e dou4t 7hether that 7as ever the

o4ective of any system of psychotherapy6

%f course, there are drugs that can ma5e you feel happier6 he trou4le is drugs 7ear off and they

have side effects6 #cstasy is a drug the >$ Government investigated and found it had this terri4le

side effect people 7ere happy and full of 7arm feelings for si; or eight hours ho7ever, those

ta5ing it could also dehydrate and die if they continued ingesting it6

!any Hfeel-goodI drugs 7or5 4y increasing the 4rain@s serotonin levels6 But, more serotonin is notnecessarily 4etter and it may not even 7or5 the 7ay the pharmaceutical companies claim6 !eta-

analyses of the most commonly prescri4ed anti-depressants sho7 the drugs perform little 4etter

than place4o EM too much serotonin can adversely affect the 7ay you thin5, feel and move6 (n

overdose may 4e fatal6

he 4est 5ind of serotonin is that 7hich is naturally produced6 he follo7ing constitute the optimal

methods for producing the right levels of serotonin naturally FM

a6 (lter your thin5ing processes

46 Do the right things for the right reasons

c6 a5e action directed at ma5ing your life happier

d6 #at 4etter

(nd, literally and figuratively

e6 Live more in the light6

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!ost people go through their life as if they are playing Pachin5o6 hey drop thoughts, actions and

events into their lives and let them ping off anything and everything that happens to 4e on the

7ay do7n 7ithout any sense of direction6

hey may set a goal for e;ample, H' 7ant to 4e a la7yerI or H' 7ant to 4e a doctorIM, 4ut they

seldom go further and as5 :uestions such as

(nd then 7hatA

"o7 is 4eing a la7yer or a doctor going to ma5e me happyA

hey might thin5 that getting married, having children, t7o cars and a 4ig house 7ill 4e enough6

But 7ill itA hey simply do not as5 enough :uestions or they as5 the 7rong ones6

People ha4itually tend to overloo5 the need to pause and enoy smelling the flo7ers along the

7ay6 (ll energy and planning is focused on achieving and very little on paying attention to the

process6 $ome years ago, a shipping line used to advertise its cruises 7ith the line, HGetting there

is half the fun6I

*e 4elieve getting there should 4e ES of the fun :uite simply 4ecause 7hen you get HthereI,

there is usually 7hen you die

HAINESS IS A 5ERB

Living life as a process, rather than as a collection of material accomplishments, is the principle

message of this 4oo56

he 4iggest pro4lem in see5ing and selling HhappinessI is that it is actually 7hat in NLP terms 7e

call a Hnominali<ationITa process that is e;pressed as a static thing6 Nominali<ations thin5 of

7ords li5e HloveI, HpeaceI, Hself-esteemI, and Han;ietyIM tric5 people into 4elieving there is aspecific thing they can ac:uire6 'f only they try hard enough, they 7ill get the happiness they

deserve6 But, not only is happiness a ver4 mas:uerading as a noun, e;actly 7hat happiness is

differs su4stantially from person to person6

'n practice, the process of Being "appy?the active see5ing and practice of actions, attitudes and

associations that meet your needs and help you feel complete and content 7hile you are involved



in them?is more attaina4le6 )ou can see5 out the 5ind of people and activities that ma5e you feel

supported and fulfilled, and e;plore 7ays of 4ringing these :ualities into your life on a more

regular 4asis6 )ou can not only live more in the moment 7here appropriateM, responding to each

challenge as it arises, 4ut you can move ahead of the moment, learning to avoid pro4lems such

as stress and ma5ing 4ad decisions, even 4efore they arise6

Notice that 7e said all this could occur more reguary , rather than permanenty 6 his is simply

4ecause a state of permanent, unchanging happiness 7ould not 4e supporta4le 4y the nervous

system, even if 7e could ma5e it happen6 (fter a 7hile, could 7e 4e sure that 7hat 7e 7ere

feeling 7as happiness at allA

he ans7er is 7e couldn@t6

he human nervous system is designed to ma5e sense of the 7orld 4y comparing andcontrasting 4its of data6 *e 5no7 dar5 only 4ecause 7e have e;perienced light, 7e e;perience

pleasure 4ecause 7e understand pain6 *e are not reviving the old religious and moral clichU that

suffering is the price 7e pay for 4eing human6 Rather, 7e thin5 of pain and suffering as signals

that some important need is not 4eing met6

$o, ho7 do 7e resolve the parado; that you need some 5ind of contrast to positive and pleasant

e;periencesA "o7 do you learn to live 7ith and apply the symptom-signals that inevita4ly affect

you at some time or anotherA

he ans7er is in t7o parts6

irst, 4y choosing actively to pursue a life of Being "appy, you naturally lift the 4aseline of your

e;perience6 Rather li5e a musician 7ho transposes a melody to a higher 5ey, you still e;perience

ups and do7ns, 4ut the ne7 do7ns are higher than the old ups6

$econd, you need to understand that the symptom-signals that affect everyone at some time or

another, 7hether in the form of pain, sadness, disappointment, illness of one 5ind or another are

part of you, not something sent to punish or hurt6 hey are there to 4e harnessed to help youmove for7ard6 hese e;periences, ho7ever negatively they might 4e perceived, evolved as

instruments of survival and gro7th6 hey are prompts to action and 7ellness, and you ignore

them at your ris56 )ou pay the price for trying to avoid, deny, rationali<e or medicate them out of

e;istence6 Li5e children or pets that 7ant your attention, if you dismiss them, they 7ill 5eep

coming 4ac5 louder and stronger6



$ometimes, if they are ignored?li5e the chest pains the 4usy e;ecutive continues to dismiss as

dyspepsia?they can 5ill the person they are trying to help6 hus, recogni<ing these cues is

important6 >nderstanding unmet needs and acting to satisfy them appropriately is essential6

Becoming response-a4le Va4le to respondW is the 5ey to 4ecoming happier and healthier6 *e

4elieve it is a matter of urgency to do this no76 Not only are people 7ho actively pursue 7ell-

4eing in appropriate 7ays happier than those 7ho do not, 7e 7ill demonstrate that they also live

longer, healthier lives6 hese are people 7ho have learned to stop trying to 4loc5 the currents of

life6 Rather, they ta5e responsi4ility for ho7 they respond to the e44-and-flo7 of e;perience6

BECO0IN+ THE ERSON /OU 4ANT TO BE

(s you too learn to do this, you@ll 4egin to understand that you are more in control of your o7n

7ell-4eing than you have ever 4elieved6 his 4oo5 7ill e;plain ho7 you have 4ecome the person

you are, then sho7 you ho7 to 4ecome the person you 7ant to 4e6 )ou@ll discover simple,

practical, highly effective 7ays to use your 4rain so that it produces 4etter :uality neurochemicals,

so that the synapses fire 4etter, so that you can ma5e clearer images of 7hat you 7ant and use

those images to move you for7ard6

*hen you have the right strategies in place, you@ll 4e in a position to test ne7 e;periences in

order to chec5 7hether in practice they are going to ma5e you feel happy or not6 %f course, 7ecannot predict 7ith any certainty 7hat 7ill ma5e you happy6 "uman 4eings are incredi4ly

adapta4le6 hey can learn to enoy anything6 hey can sit for hours on river4an5s holding the end

of a piece of string 7aiting for a fish that may never 4ite they ump out of airplanes, collect

stamps, run, cycle and s7im until they drop, scare themselves silly 7ith horror movies = all for

fun6 ( later chapter discusses 7hat science says a4out 7hat ma5es you happy and 7hat not?4ut,

in the end, you need to decide 7hat you 7ill enoy, then ma5e sure that every day is more full of

fun and good feelings than not6

)ou also need to inoculate against the negativity trying to get in6 #motionally destructivemessages are every7here television ne7s is 4ad hypnosis, reinforcing, every hour on the hour,

the 4elief that times are 4ad and getting 7orse6 *e@ve seen and heard this message for E0 years

= 4ut, strangely, in spite of all the challenges?or, may4e 4ecause of them?many things ust get

4etter6



Bad things 7ill al7ays happen some7here in the 7orld6 (nd, 7hile 7e are not preaching denial of

reality or advocating inaction, you need to understand the simple truth: if you always focus on

negative things, you’ll feel bad. 'f you start to loo5 for solutions that are different and 4etter,

that@s the 7ay your 7orld 7ill 4ecome6 his is not Hpositive thin5ingI, it is 4rain science6

he time has come to ta5e things even further6 Remem4er even if times are truly 4ad, it is also

an opportunity to ta5e a gigantic evolutionary step for7ard6 Being "appy presents a shift in

paradigm, particularly suited to the 13st Century?one that is not 4ased on deficit and repair, 4ut

on opportunity, optimism, choice and change6

B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ta5e a fe7 moments to thin5 a4out 7hat

you really 4elieve 7ould ma5e you happy6 *rite do7n your thoughts in as much detail as

possi4le6 his is your "appiness *ish List6 eel free to return to it at any stage to add, remove or

revie7 your entries6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

FOOTNOTES FOR INTRODUCTION

36 or an account of the development of NLP, see Bandler R 100/M, Richard Bandler@s Guide to

rance-formation, Deerfield L( "ealth Communications 'nc6

616 he term 7as coined 4y (aron (ntonovs5y, and refers to a system of health care aimed at

promoting health and 7ell-4eing, rather than fighting disease6

6 httpJJ7776state6sc6usJdmhJ4ryanJ7e4stres6htm

9irsch ', Deacon B, "uedo-!edina, $co4oria (, !oore , ohnson B 100/M 'nitial $everity

and (ntide-pressant Benefits ( !eta-(nalysis of Data $u4mitted to the ood and Drug

(dministration6 httpJJ7776plosmedicine6orgJarticleJinfodoiJ3063.3Journal6pmed600E002E

26 ried ', !acDonald 9(, $ingle Neuron (ctivity in "uman "ippocampus and (mygdala duringRecognition of aces and %4ects, Neuron, +ol6 3/, .E?.FE, !ay, 3.

E6 Boyer #*, $hannon ! 100EM, he serotonin syndrome, N6 #ngl6 6 !ed6 E1 33M 3331?106

F6 )oung $N 100.M, "o7 to increase serotonin in the human 4rain 7ithout drugs6 Psychiatry

Neurosci6 100. Novem4er 1FM 2?6

http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/bryan/webstres.htm

http://www.plosmedicine.org/article/info:doi/10.1371/journal.pmed.0050045

http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/bryan/webstres.htm

http://www.plosmedicine.org/article/info:doi/10.1371/journal.pmed.0050045



KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

B(C9 % %P

ART ONE

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

"o7 you came to 4e =

"# P#R$%N )%> (R#

CHATER ONE: THE FOUR CONDITIONS OF BEIN+

HA/

'n this chapter

O Living 4y choice, not chance

O *hy fi;ing pro4lems doesn@t 7or5

O "o7 hope and optimism can save your live

O Being "appy is a ha4it you can ac:uire6

Being "appy is an antidote to one of the most 7idespread and destructive silent epidemics of our

time6 !illions of people, even in the most developed corners of the 7orld, e;ist in the grip of a

comple;, chronic and sometimes over7helming sense of pessimism and despair6 Despite living in

the most prosperous, technologically advanced and potentially re7arding time in recorded history,

they still see the glass half empty, and getting emptier 4y the moment6

%n the other hand, people around the planet are living near to their fullest potential, even though

sometimes it is against 7hat seem li5e insurmounta4le odds6 hese people are not necessarily

more intelligent or talented than their friends and neigh4ors?4ut, 7hen you loo5 closely, they do



display important differences6 (nd these are differences that can 4e ac:uired 4y anyone

determined to shift from life of :uiet desperation to one of optimism and possi4il ity6

%ur proposal is not that you 7ill never feel Hdo7nI, 4ut that you recogni<e that you have a choice

to do something a4out it6 *here, 7hen and, even, if, you choose to ma5e that choice is entirely

up to you6

+irginia $atir, the great family therapist often said, H'f people have choice, they 7ill ma5e the 4est

one6I

he pro4lem is often they do not have choices6

*hen +irginia spo5e a4out having a choice, she didn@t mean 5no7ing a4out it intellectually6 $he

4elieved you had to have a 7ay of e&perien!ing alternative feelings, 4ehaviors and responses4efore you could choose them6

%ur ne7 understanding of 4rain science 4ears this out6 (dvanced scanning techni:ues

demonstrate that every activity 7e indulge in, physical and emotional, has a neural path7ay in the

4rain6 Li5e a road map, the net7or5 guides our direction6 he synapses in the 4rain need to fire in

a particular se:uence in order to result in a particular outcome6 he stronger the net7or5, the

more automated the response6 'n order to create ne7 choices, 7e need to create ne7 neural

path7ays, 7hich, in a sense, is the purpose of this 4oo56

#very time you read, hear or e;perience something ne7, you create another neural path7ay6

#very one of the millions of thoughts and actions you ta5e for granted has its o7n route laid do7n

on your 4rain6 rogress an1 change therefore6 is 7i8e7y to 9e far easier hen yo2 p7ay to an1

1e;e7op strengths than if yo2 try to fi< yo2r pro97e3s 9y re3o;ing hat=s 9een going

rong>

$o far, most schools of psychology have tried to accomplish peace-of-mind 4y e;tinguishing 7hat

psychologists call T"e 'egati(e )ffe!t 6 he theory is that if 7e can only eliminate the 4ad

feelings, 7e@ll end up in a perpetually oyful state6

'f only that 7ere true6 !ore than 300 years@ of various 5inds of therapy?including trillions of dollars

7orth of psychotropic drugs consumed annually?have proved largely ineffective6 #ven 7here

scientists have 4een successful in medicating H4adI feelings a7ay, the result has not 4een



happiness6 oo often, people are left 7ithout the official symptoms of depression, 4ut end up

feeling someho7 disconnected from life6 "appiness is not the pri<e for running a7ay from pain6

Put simply, people need to develop the ha4its of Being "appy and content6 his means 7e not

only need to learn the 4ehavior of happy people, 4ut 7e also have to develop the neural net7or5s

that support good feelings6

"o7 can 7e do thatA he good ne7s is 7e@ve 4een doing it even 4efore 7e are 4orn6 It is !aed

earning and it is something the 4rain is designed to do6

Learning is far more intriguing than 7as once 4elieved6 he fact that 7e no7 5no7 7e are

constantly and literally altering the architecture of our 4rains should come as a massive 7a5e-up

call?not ust to us as individuals, 4ut also as parents, educators, and policy-ma5ers of all 4eliefs

and affiliations6

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TA-E A 0O0ENT TO DO THE FOLLO4IN+ E.ERI0ENT

36 $it comforta4ly 7ith hands flat on your 5nees6

16 No7, simultaneously touch the tip of your nose 7ith the forefinger of your right hand and the

lo4e of your right ear 7ith your left forefinger6

6 Put your hands 4ac5 on your 5nees, and then reverse the action left forefinger to nose, right

forefinger to left earlo4e6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK



)our 7ill pro4a4ly find this movement some7hat confusing, 4ut please persist6 Repeat from 3 to

until your can do it 7ithout thin5ing6

Congratulations6 *ithin the space of a fe7 minutes, you have created an entirely ne7 neural

path7ay?one that gives you the choice to perform a highly comple; action 7ith little or no

conscious thought6 Neuroplasticity, or the a4ility of your 4rain to reprogram itself, has allo7ed you

to organi<e hundreds of thousands of cells at a higher level of order6 Not only have you

developed a techni:ue that 7ill facilitate clear thin5ing try a fe7 rounds of this 4efore a

challenging meeting or e;am, or to calm do7n if you are feeling particularly upsetM, 4ut you have

also disproved 'saac Ne7ton@s Se!ond Law of T"ermodynami!s6 'nstead of descending into

chaos and confusion, your 4rain has organi<ed itself at a more comple; level than 4efore6

he fact that you have developed a ne7 neural path7ay means you have also e;panded your

choices6 'ncreasing the num4er of your responses?the 7iring and firing of your synapses?issomething that 7e do until the moment 7e die6 he pro4lem is, you have pro4a4ly 4een 7iring

and re7iring your 4rain indiscriminately6 he ne7 programs you have created have 4een created

7ithout thought or system6 he more your repeated them, the stronger they 4ecame6 he 4rain

automates 4ehavior?and not al7ays the 4ehavior 7e prefer6 $ince repetition and intense

emotional arousal are t7o factors that hasten automation, you have 4een at the mercy of e;ternal

e;periences and events, simply 4ecause you didn@t understand ho7 you created your o7n,

uni:ue internal 7orld6

!ore than 0 years ago, NLP put for7ard a model of e;perience that has proved remar5a4lydura4le throughout the years that follo7ed6

't 7as already agreed in certain circles, at leastM that people@s internal representation of e;ternal

reality 7as a construct?something they created as a description of the 7orld they lived in6 NLP

developers, 7ith their interest in the five senses and ho7 they 7ere used, proposed that people

used the different 7ays they sa7, heard, felt, smelled and tasted to sample e;ternal reality hey

then ran the data ac:uired from this through a series of filters or constraints their individual

nervous systems, the norms of the society in 7hich they lived and their uni:ue personal history6

his information 4ecame assem4led into a mental model or map, 7hich 7as then used tonavigate the individual@s 7ay through the comple; and often 4e7ildering 7orld in 7hich he or she

had 4een 4orn6

'n the process of model-ma5ing, the data is inadvertently manipulated 4y deleting some 4its of

information no4ody could possi4ly process all the information coming at them at any one



momentM, distorting others attri4uting meaning to 7hat 7as happeningM and generali<ing from

7hat 7as e;perienced ascri4ing the :ualities of the single or the fe7 to the manyM6

rom this, 7e ma5e several important conclusions

O !aps differ from person-to-person, depending upon the 7ay each uses his or her senses and

filters, and upon 7hich information is deleted, distorted and generali<ed

O he map is not the territory6 *e should not confuse our representation of reality 7ith reality

itself

O ( map is either inade:uate or fit for purpose6 he 7orld does not lac5 resources to help us meet

our needs it is our maps that are often impoverished

O %nce 7e 4egin to understand the structure of internal e;perience, it is often easier to change

the map rather than to try and change the 7orld itself6

Changing the map, as 7e@ll demonstrate later, is easier than it sounds6 *hat it re:uires, though,

is a desire and commitment to learn6 Given the near infinite potential of our innate capacity to

learn, it is strange that 7e only seem to 5nuc5le do7n and learn something ne7 7hen 7e feel 7e

have to6 he idea of ac:uiring the s5ills to have good feelings for no particular reason is alien to

us6 %ne of the most popular misconceptions in psychology is that feeling good is more or less a

matter of chance6

THE HO4 OF CHAN+E

'n fact, li5e all other e;periences, feeling good has a structure6 'f you do certain things internally,

ma5e the right pictures, hear the right sounds, manipulate the right feelings 7hat 7e call

5inestheticsM, and you 7ill feel 4etter6 *hen you use these techni:ues to improve the e;pectation

that things can and 7ill get 4etter, you@ll improve in 7ays that 7ill surprise and delight you6

"o7 do 7e 5no7 thisA

'nitially 4y o4servation and e;perience6 *e have an increasing 4ody of evidence to support this6

$tudies have 4een accumulating for more than E0 years that the :ualities of hope and 4elief,

7hich together contri4ute to 7hat 7e can call positive e;pectancy, are significant aspects of

relieving symptoms and healing on 4oth a physical and an emotional level6 .M



$uch studies report a significant association 4et7een hope and optimism and a vast raft of

improvements in feelings and functionality including

e7er asthma attac5s

(lleviation of stress and an;iety

Reduction of pain

#asier 7ithdra7al from narcotics

(ltered gastric functioning

Lessened need for pre-and post-operative medication

Relief from fever

e7er chronic coughs and headaches, including migraine

'mproved control of 4lood sugar levels of dia4etics6

Patients 7ho rate high in optimism and hope have also e;perienced shorter recovery times aftersurgery or trauma, including cardiovascular incidents, decreased fre:uency and severity of

angina attac5s and even e;tended survival after a diagnosis of cancer6 /M M 30M

'n contrast, those 7ho display negative and depressive states may 4e more vulnera4le to

infection, and e;perience aggravation of e;isting or underlying illness, and slo7ing or disruption

of the healing process6 33M 31M

't seems common sense that massive funding should 4e directed to7ards e;ploring and

developing these drug-free, non-invasive methods of improving health and 7ell-4eing6 But, this isnot a currently popular approach6 Despite the 7eight of its o7n research, orthodo; science

dismisses a positive outcome unattri4uted to either drugs or surgery as a Hplace4o responseI6

$uch outcomes are regarded as little more than irritating HnoiseI that distracts from the real

clinical effect of the treatment6



By choosing to disregard the phenomenon, these scientists are thro7ing the 4a4y out 7ith the

4ath 7ater6 he place4o effect, as far as 7e can tell, is not only e;perienced to some degree or

other 4y everyone on the planet, 4ut it occurs 7ith every healing su4stance and ritual in every

culture in the 7orld6 he place4o is, :uite literally, the most po7erful drug 7e have ever 5no7n6

Because the place4o is used in every orthodo; test to measure the efficacy of a ne7 medication,

science has ac:uired more e;perience of it than of any other treatment in the 7orld6

!ostly, researchers prefer to ignore the effect?4ut, something 7eird has 4een happening in

recent years that have 4een thro7ing the pharmaceutical 7orld into disarray6 %nce-popular

medications, such as Pro<ac, seem to 4e losing their punch6 heir efficacy is dropping

dramatically6 'nsiders theori<e that it is not that the old drugs are getting 7ea5er, 4ut that place4o

effect seems someho7 to 4e getting stronger6 3M

Nevertheless, orthodo; science continues to dismiss as irrelevant any result not attri4uted to a

specific, measura4le cause6 But, this 7ill have to change6 Gershom aice5 points out in a

seminal paper in T"e Can!er *ourna that, since nothing in current pharmaco5inetic theory

accounts for the place4o effect it is regarded as random error or noise, 7hich can 4e ignored6

32M But, aice5 identifies the place4o effect as Hthe healing force of natureI 7hich, in our o7n

e;perience and that of a ne7 4reed of researchers, can no7 4e triggered 4y an e;tensive range

of techni:ues, including many of those developed through the modeling and creative tools of

NLP6

THE O4ER OF OTI0IS0

%ptimism is one of the most important aspects of Being "appy6 his is not the same thing as

false hope or denial6 %ptimists are simply people 7ho loo5 for7ard to things6 (n optimist is the

5ind of person 7ho 7a5es up in the morning and as5s, H"o7 much fun am ' going to have todayA

"o7 am ' going to enoy myselfAI

his is far from anarchy or pure hedonism6 hese are important :uestions 7e need to ans7er if7e hope to master the art of Being "appy6 hese people create and nurture e;pectancy, and

e;pectancy, as 7e@ve pointed out, is a 5ey factor in 4ringing a4out change6 "o7 are you going to

enoy lifeA (nd, ho7 much have you 4een enoying your life so farA

(ccording to >niversity of California psychology professor $ona Lyu4omirs5y, happy people tend

to have very similar e;periences to unhappy people6 he difference is unhappy people spend



nearly t7ice as much time ruminating over disappointments than happy people6 3EM his is one

of the reasons 7e avoid as5ing depressives 7hat they are 7orried a4out6 hey are seldom short

of ans7ers6 (nd depression, if e;posed to it long enough, can 4e contagious6 3FM

$ome people are loo5ing to find good things a4out life and some people are ust hoping to find

something that ma5es them happy one day6 hese are the pessimists6 Pessimists appear

optimistic in the sense that they 5eep hoping for something good to happen, 4ut the 7ay they go

after 7hat they 7ant?that is, if they even 5no7 7hat they 7ant and actually do anything at all to

achieve it?is often set up in a 7ay that ma5es it inevita4le that they fail6

#veryone 5no7s the person 7ho loves 4oo5s6 *e 5no7 one person 7ho 7ants to 5no7

everything there is to 5no7 a4out neuro4iology and 4uys every 4oo5 on the su4ect the moment it

is pu4lished6 "e has a li4rary of thousands of 4oo5s?almost none of 7hich he has ever read6 "e

is constantly hopeful that someho7 he 7ill a4sor4 the information contained in these 4oo5s, 4utnever crac5s a single volume6

he resultA "e@s also constantly disappointed so he 5eeps 4uying more 4oo5s in the hopes, 7e

assume, that magically his collecting 7ill reach critical mass and all the 7orld@s 5no7ledge of

neuro4iology 7ill spontaneously do7nload into his consciousness6

>nless he actually changes his strategy, he 7ill continue to 4e disappointed6 "is strategy for

reading 4oo5s is a complete failure ho7ever, his strategy for 4eing disappointed functions

perfectly6 't hasn@t failed yet6

"o7 could he stop himself from feeling do7n a4out his non-Mreading ha4itsA %ne solution 7ould

4e to learn to read :uic5ly, thus setting his responses so that the more he reads the 4etter he

feels6 hat@s ho7 7e the authorsM ma5e our 7ay through hundreds of 4oo5s every year6 (nd,

even though many of the 4oo5s have 4een a disappointment?especially those that steal other

people@s 7or5 you 5no7 7ho you areM, 7e are never pessimistic a4out getting out of each

7hatever 7e 7ant6

he first time an audience 7as informed that Hdisappointment needs ade:uate planningI there7as a collective mutter of confusion6

he audience needed to thin5 a4out it for a moment6 'f you do not plan to 4e disappointed, if you

do not set up a catalogue of things that a4solutely have to 4e in place in order for you to 4e

happy, then you 7ould not 5no7 7hen to have the feeling 7e call disappointment6



>ncontrolled disappointment can destroy lives, especially if 7e fail to understand ho7 the process

of 4eing disappointed functions and its effect on us6

he mem4ers of one family 7ith the e;ception of the motherM sought help for their pro4lems one

at a time6 #ach of them felt they 7ere responsi4le for the unhappiness and dysfunction of the

others6 inally, the mother, the only family mem4er 7ho denied needing any 5ind of help, agreed

to a meeting6 $he proceeded to descri4e in e;traordinary detail ho7 each mem4er of the family

needed to 4ehave in any given situation in order for them all to H4e happyI6 he crisis came on

their return from a long-a7aited holiday, planned 4y her to help them learn to 4e a family again,

during 7hich one of the children accidentally slammed a door6 he mother declared the holiday

HruinedI and insisted the family returned home6 $he said later, H' 7as so loo5ing for7ard to this

time a7ay together, and no7 '@ve never 4een so disappointed in my life6I

rom our point of vie7, the pro4lem is not a dysfunctional family@ or o4sessive-compulsive@

4ehavior, or, even, as had 4een suggested 4y a psychiatrist, a 4orderline personality disorder@6 't

7as simply that the mother planned to 4e disappointed6 $he didn@t 5no7 ho7 to do things any

other 7ay6

he pictures she created internally representing her model of achieva4le reality 7ere so detailed

they resem4led virtual reality6 Not surprisingly, she had 4een diagnosed as dysle;ic, a condition

that is often characteri<ed 4y the a4ility to create particularly vivid imagery6

!ean7hile her family didn@t share the e;traordinarily 4eautiful creativity of her vision6 'n fact, it

7as so detailed she could never have hoped ver4ally to share it in any depth6 By trying to fi; the

family@s pro4lems she inadvertently created an impossi4le challenge6 't came so naturally to her

that she failed to notice that the harder she 7or5ed to create the perfect fi;, the more she 7as

disappointed and the unhappier the 7hole family 4ecame6

his is not to say 7e shouldn@t e;pect good things to happen6 *e need to ma5e plans, and it is

good to anticipate e;cellent results6 "o7ever, if 7e 7ant them to happen the 7ay 7e plan, 7e

need further action6

hin5 a4out the 7ife 7ho 7a5es up and thin5s, H!y hus4and 7ill remem4er our anniversary and,

in a moment, he 7ill 7a5e up and say, happy anniversary@ and ' 5no7 '@ll feel really good6I

hen he 7a5es up she loo5s at him 7ith that certain e;pression and he says, H*hatAI



he 7oman replies, HNothingI6

"e rises and ta5es a sho7er6 *hen he comes out, she loo5s at him 7ith a raised eye4ro76

(gain he says, H*hatAI

he 7oman repeats, HnothingI, and he goes off to 7or56

*hile he@s a7ay, she thin5s, H(h, ' 5no7 "e must have a 4ig surprise planned6 !ay4e he@s going

to 4uy me a really e;pensive present may4e he@s organi<ing a surprise party, or, ta5ing me out to

that e;pensive restaurant=I

(ll of these things that should 4e pleasing to anticipate actually constitute a list of things to 4edisappointed a4out should he actually forget6 %ur advice 7ould 4e simple remind him6 ust leave

him a frigging note

%ptimists thus are people 7ho instead of ma5ing plans to 4e disappointed, design plans in a 7ay

they can 4e reali<ed6 By doing so they can Be "appy6

THE FOUR CONDITIONS OF BEIN+ HA/

3M (ccounta4ility

1M Proactivity

M $ensory (cuity

2M (dapta4ility6

rom a com4ined e;perience of more than seven decades of helping people achieve their goals,

7e have identified four conditions that need to 4e present in order for Being "appy to 4e a reality6

THE FIRST CONDITION OF BEIN+ HA/ IS ACCOUNTABILIT/



he 4lunt truth is you are ans7era4le, accounta4le, for the results you get6 his doesn@t mean you

are to 4lame for all of your pro4lems, or that you cannot get help in your ourney from 7homever

andJor 7hatever is availa4le6 't simply means you stop, really stop, e;pecting to 4e the passive

recipient of change6

$ometimes, 7or5ing for change 7ill 4e a partnership 7ith the person 7ho is your current teacher

or mentor6 (t other times it 7ill 4e a solo occupation supported 4y a resource such as this 4oo56

(4ove all to 4e accounta4le or ans7era4le means no4ody can do this for you6 )ou have to go

4uy the 4oo56 )ou have to find the practitioner6 )ou have to decide on your o7n directions and

outcomes, and you have to ma5e the plan6 $imply stated, you have to 4e the agent of your

change6

Y>#$'%N "o7 ans7era4le are you to yourself for your life e;periences, 4oth positive and

negativeA

THE SECOND CONDITION OF BEIN+ HA/ IS ROACTI5IT/

People 7ho are naturally inclined to Being "appy are a!tion+oriented 6 *hen they decide 7hat

they 7ant and 5no7 ho7 to go a4out pursuing it they 5no7 they have to act6 By contrast

pessimism and depression are often mar5ed 4y ina!tion6 *hile it is sometimes necessary to ta5e

time out, to rest and recuperate, it is never accepta4le to simply sit 4ac5 and 7ait for someone orsomething to come to your rescue6

Y>#$'%N "o7 proactive are youA Could you 4e more so if the re7ards are greaterA

THE THIRD CONDITION OF BEIN+ HA/ IS SENSOR/ ACUIT/

!any of the maor 4rea5throughs of NLP 7ere the result of its developers@ a4ility to pay attention,and to respond 7ithout preconceptions to 7hat 7as o4served6 'n the past, clinicians?especially

psychologists?claimed to 4e impartial o4servers of human 4ehavior6 hey 7eren@t6 'n the early

3.0s, psychologists 7ere at 7ar over 7ho had the Hright approachI to psychotherapy6 Do<ens, if

not hundreds, of different schools 7ere fighting for supremacy6 he interesting part 7as that none

of them 7as really successful6 No4ody 7as actually managing to cure anyone of their pro4lems

4ut, that didn@t really matter as long as they 7ere HrightI6



his happened 4ecause they 7ere driven 4y theory and limited 4y their o7n unconscious

patterning 7hich predisposed them to failure6 hey 7ere all loo5ing at the content of the client@s

e;perience, the H7hyZ, in order to discover 7hat 7as 7rong, hoping that if they 5ne7 enough

a4out 7hy things 7ent 7rong, everything 7ould automatically come right6 hey 7ere trying to

interpret 7hat their clients 7ere saying, and not noticing 7hat they 7ere doing6 Nor 7ere they

noticing the effects of 7hat they themselves did 7ith their clients, intentionally or not6

(cuity is learna4le s5ill6 )ou need to develop your a4ility to notice 7hat is happening including

the 7ay you are thin5ing, 4ehaving, reactingM in 7ays that create andJor maintain your pro4lems,

and also 7hat the result is of any ne7 action or intervention that you 4ring into the situation6 'n

this 7ay you also develop your a4ility to respond6

Y>#$'%N "o7 much conscious attention do you pay to your feelings and responses, as 7ellas to the 7orld around youA

THE FOURTH CONDITION OF BEIN+ HA/ IS ADATABILIT/

(dapta4ility is pro4a4ly the most important condition of Being "appy6 *ithout the facility to

change your 4ehavior appropriately and creatively in response to your environment or to match

plans you have made 4ut not yet achievedM, you 4ecome a helpless victim of chance andcircumstance6 (ccepting that you need to cultivate adapta4ility and fle;i4ility?and, sometimes to

4e a4le to tolerate the am4iguity of not yet 5no7ing the ans7er?is also part of (ccounta4ility6

Cultivating these :ualities 7ill not simply help you feel 4etter and enoy things more6 (s 7e@ll later

sho7, they may ust save your life6

(lthough 7e@ve put most of the practical e;ercises in the second part of this 4oo5, 7e are urging

you to master the follo7ing e;ercise no76 )ou 7ill learn ho7 to loop, spin and anchor feelings6

hese are core s5ills you 7ill use throughout the Being "appy process6

Y>#$'%N Do you recover rapidly from an upsetA

"o7 fle;i4le or adapta4le do you thin5 you areA



E.ERCISE !A:

HO4 TO FEEL +OOD FOR NO ARTICULAR REASON

36 hin5 of a time and place 7here you felt e;traordinary pleasure

16 (naly<e it

6 !a5e the memory vivid26 Loop it

E6 (nchor the e;perience

F6 Repeat the previous three steps

.6 est it6

!> Thin8 of a ti3e an1 p7ace here yo2 fe7t e<traor1inary p7eas2re>

Prefera4ly choose an event of some lasting significance in your life6 >se all your senses to do

this remem4er 7hat you sa7, heard, and felt?perhaps even smelled and tasted6

"> Ana7y?e it>

(s you 4egin to re-enter the e;perience, notice ho7 you are recreating your pleasura4le event6

(re you ma5ing a particularly vivid picture of 7hat happened thenA Perhaps the sounds seemimportant6 (nd, particularly, notice the feeling that lets you 5no7 this feels good6

#> 0a8e the 3e3ory 3ore ;i;i1>



No7 ma5e the memory even more vivid6 !a5e the picture 4igger, 4ring it closer, intensify the

colors turn up the sounds, or ma5e them more e;citing, or, perhaps, more mello76 'f it seems

you are 7atching yourself in the memory, step into it, so you are surrounded in the e;perience6

!a5e it so it is as if you are actually there, right no76 (gain, pay particular attention to the feeling,

noticing 7here it 4egins and 7here it goes6 a5e your time 7ith this step6 #ven if you do not get it

at first, rest assured?there is al7ays a movement6 't is ust that 7e may not 4e used to paying this

5ind of attention to our internal landscape6

$> Loop it>

ust 4efore the feeling dissipates, connect it to its starting point so that it 4egins to run in a loop6

'ncrease the speed of the loop, spreading the sensation out so that it 4egins to fill your entire

4ody6 $pin it faster and faster until the feeling starts to Hpea5I, then

%> Anchor the e<perience>

irmly apply pressure to the 7e4 4et7een forefinger and thum4 7ith the finger and thum4 of the

other hand6 "old it for a fe7 moments, then release6 his process is 5no7n as HanchoringI6

&> Repeat the pre;io2s three steps se;era7 ti3es>

#ach time you repeat the e;perience in your mind push the feelings of pleasure as far as they 7ill

go, and then anchor them on your hand6

'> Test it>

est the availa4ility of this feel-good resource 4y pinching the 7e4 4et7een finger and thum4 in

the same 7ay as in $tep E6 )ou should re-e;perience the feelings 7hich, if you li5e, you can loop

and spin again, as in $tep 26



B(C9 % %P

Note: 'f you find the anchor fades, it is easily restored 4y simply repeating the e;ercise a4ove6

(lso, 7henever you e;perience a naturally occurring enoya4le e;perience, repeat the anchoring

$tep EM, to 4uild, or Hstac5I, the intensity of your response6

B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ma5e a list of all the useful feelings you

can you access, loop and anchor in a different placeM so you can increase your emotional

repertoire6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

REFERENCES FOR CHATER ONE

.6 $cheier, !6 6, & Carver, C6 $6 3/EM6 %ptimism, coping, and health (ssessment and

implications of generali<ed outcome e;pectancies6 "ealth Psychology, 2, 13-12.6

/6 Beecher, 3F3 "onigfeld, 3F2 9lopfer, 3E. +olgyesi 3E2 in $hort D et al V100EW6 "ope

and Resiliency6 Camarthen, *ales Cro7n "ouse Pu4lishing Ltd6

6 Giltay # et al6 Dispositional %ptimism and (ll-Cause and Cardiovascular !ortality in aProspective Cohort of #lderly Dutch !en and *omen6 (rch Gen Psychiatry6 1002 F3331F-33E6

306 (llison P et al6 Dispositional %ptimism Predicts $urvival $tatus 3 )ear (fter Diagnosis in

"ead and Nec5 Cancer Patients6 ournal of Clinical %ncology, +ol6 13, No e4ruary 3M, 100

pp E2-E2/

336 httpJJmedia67776thelantern6comJmediaJstorageJpaperJne7sJ3/J01J0FJCampusJ%su-

$tudy6Pessimism6"urts6"ealth-2/06shtml

316 ran5 D 3.M6 Persuasion and "ealing, rev6 ed, Baltimore, !D ohns "op5ins >niversity

Press

36 or an interesting account of this phenomenon, go to httpJJ77767ired6comJmedtechJdrugsJ

maga<ineJ3.-0JffKplace4oKeffectAcurrentPage[3

http://media.www.thelantern.com/media/storage/paper333/news/1998/02/06/Campus/Osu-Study.Pessimism.Hurts.Health-43803.shtml



http://www.wired.com/medtech/drugs/magazine/17-09/ff_placebo_effect?currentPage=1








326 aice5 G 3EM he place4o effect is the healing force of nature6 Cancer ournal /1M 22-2E

3E6 Lyu4omirs5y $ 32M he "edonistic Conse:uences of $ocial Comparison 'mplications for

#nduring "appiness and ransient !ood6 ournal of Personality and $ocial Psychology . 3323

3F6 "atfield # et al6 32M #motional Contagion $tudies in #motional and $ocial 'nteraction6

Cam4ridge, >9 Cam4ridge >niversity Press

B(C9 % %P

CHATER T4O: THE URSUIT OF HAINESS

*hat *or5s and *hat Doesn@t

'n this chapter

O Chasing that thing called happiness

O he one step that can revolutioni<e your life

O !a5ing mista5es matter

O "o7 to 4oost your happiness 4y .0S

CHASIN+ HAINESS

The Se;en Co3ponents of Happiness:

3M )our Parents

1M $ome7here to Go

M "aving !oney



2M "aving riends

EM "aving Choices

FM Living in the "ere and No7

.M "aving a Purpose

Chasing after a thing@ called happiness is a human o4session at least for those people luc5y

enough not to 4e preoccupied 7ith a daily 4attle for physical survival6 (stonishingly, fe7 people

pursuing the secret@ of happiness have the slightest idea of 7hat happiness is or if they@d

recogni<e it upon finding it6 hen of course there are issues such as 7hat 7ould you do 7ith

happiness if you could have it for the rest of your lifeA

!any people 7e meet are confident that if ony they had certain things a lottery 7in, a ne7 car, a

successful 4usiness, a partner 7ho loved them=if only they had these things, they@d 4e happy6

$ometimes they shift their frame slightly, stating their lives 7ould 4e perfect if only they had less

self-dou4t, or more confidence or, greater self-esteem6

he pro4lem 7ith this approach is one set of o4ectives is too specific to offer lasting satisfaction

7hile the other is too vague6 Both approaches e;ist only in the future, as dreams, goals or

re7ards for doing things right, 7hatever right is6 !ost people cannot define that either6 's it any7onder then that so much time is spent unsuccessfully chasing happiness 7hen the maority of

people spend virtually no time at all noticing 7hat ma5es them feel good right no7A

*esterners are convinced that happiness can 4e pursued as an end-point6 !ost adults 5ids are

another matterM spend the maority of their time 7or5ing to7ard the 7ell-4eing of their future

selves6 Not sure if you are one of themA $ee if any of these statements sound familiar6

H*hen ' lose 10 poundsI

H*hen ' retireI

H*hen ' get a raiseI

H*hen ' finish schoolI



H*hen ' get marriedI

H*hen ' get to spend more time 7ith my 5ids,

H*hen, 7hen, 7hen=t"en '@ll 4e happyI6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Beginning 7ith 7hen@ means your attention is not 7here it should 4e, on w"at,s "appening now 6

Research 4ac5s our o4servation that most people are notoriously 4ad at predicting 7ith any

accuracy 7hat 7ill ma5e them happy6 'ronically, most people manage to 4e highly specific a4out

ho7 life could fail them and ho7 4ad that 7ill ma5e them feel6 3.M

*e@ve already touched on the fact that a thing called happiness doesn@t actually e;ist6 he more

you 4elieve it does, the less li5ely you are to ever find it6 "appiness is not li5e a piece of real

estate you can 4uy and move into6 "appiness occurs as a 4y-product of doing or getting

something else, and is not necessarily achieved 4y accumulating more stuff, or meeting that

HspecialI someone6 'f you do not identify 7hat actions and activities trigger your o7n positive

responses, or, if you stop doing 7hat already 7or5s, the good feelings slip through your fingers6

hroughout this 4oo5, 7e emphasi<e that 7e are not peddling a thing called happiness6 *e arenot promising to give you a ne7 car or lots of money or a promotion at 7or56 Rather, 7e are

offering you the tools to recogni<e opportunity, to develop resilience in the face of adversity, to

ma5e 4etter choices, to plan to have good feelings rather than 4ad, and to 4e a4le to ta5e

decisive action that moves you for7ard6

(4ove all, 7e are encouraging you to develop your sensory acuity, that is your a4ility to measure

your progress 4y 7hat is 7or5ing, rather than 4y 7hat is not6 his one step alone can

re(outioni-e your life6 a5en together, the tools presented 7ill help you distinguish 7hat is

inevita4le and unavoida4le from that 7hich can 4e changed6 #:ually important, these tools teachyou ho7 to develop the commitment to act, and thus to ma5e the changes that give you the

4iggest returns6

)ou 7ill not necessarily pass into some permanent state of $amadhi forever free of pro4lems

and set4ac5sM, 4ut you 7ill come to understand ho7 you respond to pro4lems, the effect this has



But, does this mean that anyone 7ithout the happiness gene@ is condemned to a life of misery

and despairA

(4solutely not6 Contrary to 7hat some geneticists 7ould have us 4elieve, having a particular

active gene only predisposes us to7ards certain illnesses and 4ehaviors6 his influence occurs to

much less of a degree than most people 4elieve6 ar more important is the environment, 4oth

internal and e;ternal, in 7hich that gene e;presses itself6 he secrets and s5ills of Being "appy

give you the tools to shift your neurochemistry there4y altering your internal and your response to

your e;ternal environment, systematically and consistently6

hrough this process you change your feelings, and it is possi4le you may actually change the

gene itself6 3M

Read that last sentence again6 )es )ou do have the a4ility to re7rite your o7n genetic code 4ythe choices you ma5e, the actions you ta5e and the life you live6 'f you are una4le to find the

motivation to this for yourself, then do it for the 5ids you might have6 Become the 4est you

possi4le6

"> SO0E4HERE TO +O

If you do not know w"ere you are going% any road wi get you t"ere./

Le7is Carroll

Goals are important no dou4t a4out it6 But they are not important in the 7ay most people thin56

Rather than 7asting effort trying to force your goals to success, allo7 your goals to guide you6 'n

other 7ords, set goals that enhance your life rather than create o4stacles 7ithin it6

(s 7e e;plain in a later chapter, this is not a license to go 4ac5 to the old 7ays of letting life 5ic5you around li5e a foot4all rather it is recognition that 4eing sensitive to changes, 4oth inside and

outside of yourself, 7ill help you adapt in more positive and re7arding 7ays6

$tic5ing rigidly to outdated goals and outcomes 4reeds dissatisfaction6 Research supports our

claim that people 7ho are prepared to change direction in order to match their evolving needs

end up measura4ly happier a4out 0S more, say the scientistsM than those 7ho do not6 10M



$o ho7 do you 5no7 if your goals are good goalsA Good goals are usually easily visuali<ed, 4ig,

4right and appealing6 Good goals 7or5 together to create a foundation and then stac5 upon each

other 4ecoming stronger the higher they go6 *ea5 goals are generally poorly defined and often

include conflicting values6 hese may 4e su4tle thin5 of the person 7ho 7ants to travel the 7orld

7hile also 7anting a home and familyM, 4ut if they are not congruent 7ith each other, can have a

devastating effect on your life6 13M Living 7ith 7ea5 goals and conflicting values is li5e trying to

4uild 7ith 4loc5s on 7ater6 *hatever you 4uild 7ill fall over and float a7ay=or sin56

a5e a fe7 moments to complete the follo7ing e;ercise to ma5e sure all your metaphorical duc5s

are properly lined up6

+OALS E.ERCISE !B: /OUR 5ALUES A>

36 Rapidly, and 7ithout too much thought, list 30 things that are most important to you6

hese are values, such as HloveI, HpeaceI, HfamilyI, HsecurityI

16 Prioriti<e your list, from the most important to the least important6

6 No7, close your eyes and imagine your values as colorful icons on the screen of a handheld,

touch-screen device, such as an iPad] or a $martphone6

26 'dentify the :uality that lin5s all the values on a continuum6

his might 4e color or si<e or position on the screen6 he icons might gradually change in tonality,

or range from 4right to dim, or they might even 4e stac5ed one on top of the other each other

7hich pro4a4ly also tells us you are a *indo7s] fanM6

E6 #;amine the order closely, paying attention to any values 7hich might seem to conflict6



or e;ample, HsecurityI might turn up adacent to HadventureI6 'n practice, it 7ould 4e difficult

al7ays to 4e secure 7hile enoying adventure6

F6 No7, carefully drag each icon into a ne7 position, upgrading some and do7ngrading others6

or e;ample, HadventureI might need to 4e one or t7o positions higher in the arrangement, or

HsecurityI needs to 4e dragged do7n6 #nsure that the su4-modality of the icon changes to match

its ne7 position6 )ou may notice a physical sensation as the icons recode internally6M

.6 est each change, revie7ing ho7 it 7ould play out in real life, and adusting its position if

necessary6

/6 *hen you have made sure all conflicts have 4een resolved, ta5e a fe7 moments to 4rainstorm7ays you can meet the needs of each value6

Proect yourself into the future to test the practicality of the ne7 arrangement6 't may 4e you can

follo7 one path for a 7hile, 4efore em4ar5ing on another6 %r, sometimes a value turns out to 4e

less important than you thought, and you can simply delete it6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

B(C9 % %P

+OALS: 4OR-IN+ TO /OUR STREN+THS

'n 4usiness and the more aggressive schools of self-development, people are encouraged to

ac:uire HmotivationI, as if motivation is something you can get 4y the gallon at the filling station6

$ome NLP trainers are 5no7n for their a4ility to hype people up that you can almost see them

tearing out of a seminar in a state of high e;citement, then s5idding to a halt 7ith that e;pression

on their faces that goes, H>m = o5ay = (h=*here do ' go no7AI

hen again, any goal is not necessarily 4etter than none at all6 Goals can do more harm than

good if your goals are not 7ell thought out fit for purposeM and, if you are not fle;i4le enough in

pursuing them6

$ome goals do not match the needs, nature and a4ilities of the person 7ho sets them6 or

e;ample, not everyone is cut out to accept all the responsi4ilities that having vast amounts of



money involve6 People seldom ta5e the trou4le to inventorying their uni:ue needs, nature and

a4ilities, so do not notice the mismatch6 (nd if that happens, the li5elihood is that you can end up

even more dissatisfied than 4efore6 11M

Be honest 7ith yourself6 (re you really ready to accept the responsi4ilities associated 7ith the

achievement of your greatest dreamA a5e some time to consider the ramifications of getting

e;actly 7hat you 7ant 4efore moving on6 "o7 7ill achieving it impact other areas of your lifeA

"o7 7ill the people 7ho are important to you 4e affectedA

+OALS: +OIN+ FOR IT

Being "appy, as 7e@ve already suggested, is a side-effect of doing something else6 Being happy

often lies more in moving to7ards material goals, than in achieving them6 he anticipation of

success rates is consistently rated more highly than actual reali<ation6 't is also a potent antidote

to depression and fear6 1M (s any lover 7orth his or her salt 7ill tell you much of the real fun is

in the chase6

#> HA5IN+ 0ONE/

'f you 7ant to 4e happier, healthier and live longer, the solution is simple = get rich6

Received 7isdom is that you cannot 4uy happiness?a 4elief usually promoted 4y people 7ho do

not have money, or, 4y many religions, governments and other authorities responsi4le for

convincing their su4ects that they are 4etter off than they thin56

But is it actually trueA

Research given 7idespread coverage a fe7 years ago claimed a strong correlation 4et7een lifesatisfaction and purchasing po7er6 he study found people did feel 4etter 7hen they earned

more6 But, curiously, the effect didn\t appear to increase at the same rate as individual 7ealth6

(ccording to Professor Richard Layard, often called Britain@s "appiness sar, the correlation

4et7een 7ealth and happiness disappeared once the gross national product e;ceeded ^3E,000

per person a year6 12M



economics6 heir finding is une:uivocal6 )our position on the So!ioe!onomi! S!ae $#$M directly

impacts various environmental and psychosocial path7ays to affect the functioning of your

4iology6 $imply put, money not only 4uys happiness, 4ut it can 4uy you a longer, healthier,

happier life6 1/M

%f course, this doesn@t mean that rich people are never unhappy or sic5, or that money 7ill

guarantee that you are happy and live forever6 Nor does it mean that stressing out to 5eep up

7ith the oneses, 7hat economists call he "edonic readmill, is going to help you in the long

run6 he reason 7e emphasi<e the importance of having 4ig dreams and ta5ing effective steps to

4ecome successful in your o7n terms is simply this 7orrying a4out paying the 4ills or not

5no7ing 7here the ne;t o4 is coming from can have a deeply corrosive effect6 Dream 4ig, 7or5

to improve your lot, have fun = live up6

$o may4e you are not yet at the top of the financial heap, no 7orries6 here are still lots more youcan do6 "o7 you feel and 7ho you share 7hatever you have 7ith people 7ho matter 7ill still put

you ahead of the game6

FEELIN+ 4EALTH/

*e in NLP have al7ays emphasi<ed the point that the map, or internal model, of the person@s

7orld, is often more important than 7hatever it is that@s out there@6 *hat you 4elieve and ho7 youfeel dictates the :uality of the life you live6

Perhaps to their surprise, researchers found something une;pected 7hen studying the

relationship 4et7een health and 7ealth6 't is not only ho7 7ealthy you are that improves your

7ell-4eing, but "ow weat"y you fee 6 1M

eeling as if you have enough 7ealth is a po7erful predictor of 7hether you@ll live longer than

someone 7ho might have the same amount of money, 4ut regards him or herself as poor6

Gratitude for 7hat you already have doesn@t mean you have settled6 Rather it means you aremore li5ely to enoy greater-than-average health and 7ell-4eing6

(s5 yourself, ho7 much of your life gives you satisfaction as it is right no7A "ave you ever

stopped to consider 7hat you have achieved and 7hat you haveA %r has your focus 4een on

7hat@s still missing from your lifeA



People can feel rich internally, e;ternally, or 4oth6 )ou can loo5 at your 4an5 4alance and

congratulate yourself on 4eating the credit crunch and hanging on to your money6 %r you can turn

your attention in7ard and revie7 those e;periences, situations, a4ilities and responses that give

you a 7arm, flo7ing glo7 in the area around your heart6

Gratitude, that 7onderful state of 4eing is essentially identifying and appreciating everyone and

everything that ma5e you happy to 4e alive6 't is a po7erful tool for connecting 7ith others and for

healing and gro7th6 0M

he follo7ing e;ercise 7ill allo7 you to identify and cultivate gratitude6

E.ERCISE ":

+RATITUDE IN5ENTOR/

36 'n a note4oo5 dra7 three vertical columns6

Give each column a heading

Column 3M (ssets,

Column 1M (ttri4utes, and

Column M Relationships6

16 No7, 4egin to fill out each in some detail6

Un1er Assets hese may 4e material for e;ample?H' o7n my house outrightIM or physical

say?H' am the fittest '@ve ever 4eenIM6 (ssets may refer to your e;perience, such as educational

:ualifications, 7or5 e;perience and so on



Un1er Attri92tes: hese are practical a4ilities, such as 4eing a4le to complete proects on time,

as 7ell as emotional capa4ilities, such as patience, endurance, even temper etc6

Un1er Re7ationships: list all those people friends and familyM you are confident you can rely on6

hin5 if ' 7as in trou4le in the middle of the night could ' call up any of these people and 5no7

7ithout a moment@s dou4t that they 7ill turn out to help meA

6 *hen you have at least 10 in each category feel free to as5 your family, friends and

colleagues for suggestionsM, choose one from each6

26 %n a separate page, one for each item, 7rite a sentence 4eginning 7ith

Today I am gratefu t"at3for 4../ and fill in the relevant 7ords or phrase6

E6 #ach morning, ta5e a fe7 moments to immerse yourself in gratitude6 his is ho7 you do that6

ind one e;ample of each asset, attri4ute and relationship6 'magine you are actually e;periencing

each in turn6 (4sor4 yourself into 7hat you see, hear, and feel, and let the physical sensation this

triggers 4egin to flo7 throughout your 4ody6 Notice the direction in 7hich it is moving, and lin5 the

end-point to the 4eginning so that it 4egins to spin6 No7 speed up the spin, allo7ing the feeling tomove muscle to muscle, cell to cell, atom to atom until you have a full-4ody e;perience6

F6 Ne;t, 4riefly imagine yourself moving into the day 7ith that feeling permeating your entire

4eing6

"o7 7ould it change your e;perienceA *hat 7ould 4e different and 4etterA !ost important 7ho

are the people 7ith 7hom you 7ould li5e to share this special 5ind of 7ealth6 "o7 7ill you do itA

$ee ne;t 5ey component of Being "appy, "aving riendsM KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK



Note: o receive the ma;imum 4enefit, this is an e;ercise you should do every day6 eel free to

5eep adding to your gratitude lists6 'f you open your senses and are honest 7ith yourself, you 7ill

never run out of things that 4ring a real sense of richness into your life6

B(C9 % %P

$@ HA5IN+ FRIENDS

HRemem4er, No man is a failure 7ho has friends6I

rom 't is a *onderful Life@, 32F

%f course, sharing your good fortune presupposes you have people to share it 7ith6 his is

a4solutely crucial to your 7ell-4eing6 !ultiple studies, including one of the most convincing

longitudinal studies ever conducted, support the 4elief that personal 7ell-4eing is dramatically

enhanced 4y the friends and social support you have6 3M 't is 7idely 4elieved that .0S of

personal happiness has 4een ascri4ed to having a sufficient num4er of friends and family 7ith

7hom to share your life6 1M

Later on in this 4oo5, 7e 7ill offer you po7erful 7ays of e;panding and deepening your social

4onds6

%@ HA5IN+ CHOICES

H)ou may thin5 that in life, a lot of things happen to you along the 7ay6 he truth is, in life, you

happen to a lot of things along the 7ay6I

(nonymous

or many years, NLP practitioners have preached that having several choices is 4etter than

having none6 't 7as often said, H'f you have one choice, you are stuc56 'f you have t7o, you are on

the horns of a dilemma6 'f you have three or more, you have 4ehavioral f le;i4ility6I



his doesn@t automatically mean that having numerous choices is 4etter than having only a fe76

Researchers no7 agree that too many options may actually paraly<e you6 $7arthmore College

psychologist Barry $ch7art< has coined the phrase, Hhe parado; of choiceI, to reflect ho7

unlimited opportunity may 7or5 against rather than to7ard your sense of satisfaction6 oo much

choice simply stresses us out6

"o7ever, the definition of choice 7ithin the NLP community differs some7hat from 7hat is usually

understood to mean simply options, alternatives, selections or preferences6

(s e;plained earlier, choice in NLP terms means to have an option at a neurological level6 'f

someone doesn@t have the neural net7or5 to support a particular feeling or 4ehavior, they 7ill 4e

una4le to ma5e that transition6 'f you have never loo5ed out from a tall 4uilding 7ithout panic5ing

even if you haven@t tried imagining doing soM, it is unli5ely you@ll ever get over a fear of heights6

his 4oo5 is largely a4out e;ploring appropriate choices, and then using the principles and

techni:ues 7e present to create the neurological foundations for freeing yourself from the chains

of the past6 his 7ay, you@ll never have too many options or too fe76 )ou@ll al7ays 4e a4le to

generate for yourself ust the right choice at the right time6

&@ LI5IN+ IN THE HERE AND NO4 92t on7y so3eti3es@

H)esterday is 4ut a dream, tomorro7 4ut a vision6 But today 7ell lived ma5es every yesterday a

dream of happiness, and every tomorro7, a vision of hope6 Loo5 7ell, therefore, to this dayI

$ans5rit Prover4

!uch has 4een said and 7ritten over past forty centuries a4out the desira4ility of living in the

present moment6 #ntire movements are 4ased on 4eing here no7, 7ith little real evidence that

the participants@ lives are any 4etter for it6 "o7ever attractive the concept of the Heternal presentI,you still have to remem4er 7here you put your car 5eys and plan to pic5 up the 5ids from soccer

later this afternoon6

*hat is evident and capturing the attention of researchersM is the fact that the a4ility to focus on

7hat is actually happening at any one moment, rather than on 7hat has happened, or 7hat might

happen, is a po7erful antidote to negative feelings, including pain, an;iety and depression6 *hen



you stop resisting the physical discomfort of a particular pro4lem state, your response 7ill often

change6 his hints at the possi4ility that this might 4e an innate dissipative approach that allo7s

you spontaneously to discharge stress and reorgani<e your emotional and physical e;perience to

a more positive end6

"ypnotist !ilton #ric5son, himself no stranger to chronic pain, often urged his patients to identify

7hat part of their discomfort 7as actually present in the moment, and 7hat e;isted as a memory

pastM or a fear futureM6 hen he 7ould suggest gentle attention on the present pain, dividing the

e;perience into parts and lessening its impact6

hose people 7ho successfully disengage from their pro4lems that is, they stop trying to ma5e it

go a7ay, and simply allo7 it to e;ist as a physical sensationM find that the pro4lem starts to lose

its intensity, and can even disappear6 't is safe to suggest that many people automatically resist

uncomforta4le and painful feelings 4y tensing up against them or trying to 4loc5 their movement6%nce resistance is dropped, the 4ody-mind system is free to dissipate e;cess tension and

reorgani<e at a more comforta4le level6 Conversely, good feelings, once you give them

permission to 4e present, tend to e;pand and 4ecome all-encompassing6

he good ne7s is this6 he protocol for 7or5ing 7ith 4oth 7anted and un7anted feelings and

sensations is the same6 (llo7 the inner 7isdom of your 4ody and mind, 7hich is the natural

tendency of your system, to see5 4alance6 Let it 7or5 its magic6

E.ERCISE #: 4HAT IS6 IS

Letting it 4e

a6 !a5e the conscious decision to drop any internal tal5 a4out the pro4lem6



%n the other hand, clearly defining and holding in your mind the reasons for 7hat you are doing

7ill help maintain your momentum6 ( purpose presented in a 7ay that is credi4le to your

unconscious mind that is, vividly imagined, using all your sensesM increases 4oth satisfaction and

ease of achievement6

he astute reader might have noticed 4y no7 that most of happiness@s prere:uisites often e;ist

outside the individual@s immediate control6 *hile 7e encourage you to identify and pursue the

goals and proects that ma5e you feel good, 7e 7ant to emphasi<e that the 5ind of Hfeeling goodI

7e are tal5ing a4out here emanates from inside6 he e;ercise in Chapter %ne, 2ow to Fee 5ood

for 'o 1arti!uar 6eason% introduced you to your a4ility to create and store good feelings 7ithout

e;ternal HpropsI6 (ll you needed 7as access to a previous e;perience that you could use as a

template6

(s you read on, set aside any dou4ts as to 7hether you@ll ever have enough money, friends, top

o4s or great neigh4ors to ma5e a difference6 Rather loo5 inside for the ra7 material for creating a

life of oy = your model of the 7orld6

B#%R# !%+'NG %N % "# N#X C"(P#R ma5e a list of all the things that currently ma5e

you feel happy6 >se the information a4ove to help you, 4ut feel free to note anything that doesn@t

appear6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

B(C9 % %P

REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER T4O

3.6 Gil4ert D 100FM6 $tum4ling on "appiness6 London "arper Press

3/6 Loo5ing on the 4right side 4iased attention and the human serotonin transporter gene Proc6R6 $oc6 B !ay 11, 100 1.F3.2.-3.E3 pu4lished online 4efore print e4ruary 1E, 100,

doi30630/Jrsp46100/63.//

36 Lipton B 100EM6 he Biology of Belief6 Carls4ad, C( "ay "ouse 'nc6



106 (dams D 3/M6 he Psychological Development of Professional Blac5 *omen\s Lives and

the Conse:uences of Career for heir Personal "appiness6 Ph6D6 diss6 *right 'nstitute, Ber5eley,

California

136 *ilson $, "enry C, Peterson G 3.M6 ZLife $atisfaction (mong Lo7-'ncome Rural )outh 'n

(ppalachia6Z ournal of (dolescence 10 22

116 Pavot *, uita , Diener # 3.M he Relation Bet7een $elf-(spect Congruence,

Personality and $u4ective *ell-4eing6 Personality and 'ndividual Differences 11 3/

16 Davidson R, in he Pursuit of "appiness6 Psychology oday, anuaryJe4ruary 1006 Pp F1-

F.

126 Layard R 100M6 "appiness "as $ocial $cience a ClueA Lionel Ro44ins !emorial Lectures,London $chool of #conomics6 $ee httpJJcep6lse6ac6u5JeventsJlecturesJlayardJRL0006pdf

1E6 Bis7as-Diener R, Diener # 1001M6 !a5ing the 4est of a 4ad situation $atisfaction in the

slums of Calcutta6 $ocial 'ndicators Research, EE, 1-E16

1F6 #asterlin R( 3.2M6 Does #conomic Gro7th 'mprove the "uman LotA 'n Paul ( David and

!elvin * Reder, eds6, Nations and "ouseholds in #conomic Gro7th #ssays in "onor of !oses

(4ramo7it<6 Ne7 )or5 (cademic Press, 'nc6

1.6 $tevenson B, and *olfers 100/M #conomic Gro7th and $u4ective *ell-4eing

Reassessing the #asterlin Parado; - httpJJideas6repec6orgJpJcprJceprdpJF226html

1/6 httpJJ7776macses6ucsf6eduJNe7sJReachingS10forS10aS10"ealthierS10Life6pdf

16 '4id6

06 Cohen, $6, Gottlie4, B6, & >nder7ood, L6 1000M6 $ocial relationships and health6 'n $6

Cohen, L6 >nder-7ood, & B6 Gottlie4 #ds6M !easuring and intervening in social support pp6?1/M6 Ne7 )or5 %;ford >niversity Press

36 #golf B, Las5er , *olf $, Potvin L 31M he Roseto #ffect a E0-year comparison of

mortality rates6 (merican ournal of Pu4lic "ealth /1/M 30/-16

http://cep.lse.ac.uk/events/lectures/layard/RL030303.pdf


http://ideas.repec.org/p/cpr/ceprdp/6944.html


http://www.macses.ucsf.edu/News/Reaching%20for%20a%20Healthier%20Life.pdf







16 !urray C, Peacoc5 ! 3FM6 ( !odel-ree (pproach to the $tudy of $u4ective *ell-

4eing6 'n !ental "ealth in Blac5 (merica6 housand %a5s, C( $age

6 Rahman D, 9hale:ue ( 3FM6 Zhe Purpose in Life and (cademic Behavior of Pro4lem

$tudents6Z $ocial 'ndicators Research E

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

B(C9 % %P

CHATER THREE: CREATIN+ A 4ORLD /OU=LL LO5E

LI5IN+ IN

!aps, !odels and !ental Constructs

'n this chapter

O *hat ma5es reality realA

O he source of pain and limitation

O Developing deep e;pertise and intuition

O Learning from your mista5es6

'magine for a moment, you decide to vacation at the la5e 7here you spent so much time fishing

7ith your Dad6 )ou may head out, guided only 4y your memory6

Perhaps you remem4er e;actly ho7 you got there, the route you too5 e;iting the high7ay on to

the narro7, 4umpy road6 (s you travel, the road 7inds through a cornfield 4efore emerging in a

grove of trees 4efore 4eginning the slo7 descent do7n to the la5e6



%r, may4e you dug out an old map, 7ell-7orn and creased6 )ou pac5ed your gear, load the 5ids

into your car, and set out6 #;iting off the high7ay you turn on to a road that no7 seems a lot 7ider

and 4etter surfaced than you remem4er6 he cornfield has given 7ay to a housing development,

4ut the line of trees is still there6

hen, as you pass through the grove anticipating your first glimpse of the la5e, you find to your

surprise a massive shopping mall stretching almost as far as the eye can see6

No7, it\s easy to understand that the times and the terrain have changed6 )ou do not try to drive

through the mall to get to the other side6 Perhaps, you either as5 for directions, or you find a gas

station or some other outlet, and 4uy a ne7 map6

%f course today 7ith the development of glo4al positioning satellites, in-car navigation systems,

$martphone apps and Google #arth, it\s a lot easier to find your 7ay6 )ou can estimate arrivaltimes, avoid traffic snarls and even verify 7ith certainty 7hether the hotel is as near to the 4each

as the 4rochure claims6

*e have come a long 7ay since the days of medieval mapma5ing 7hen most cartographers

4elieved the 7orld 7as flat and its edges patrolled 4y dangerous sea-serpents and dragons6

Nevertheless, as anyone 7ho has 4een let do7n 4y even the most up-to-date electronic

e:uipment 7ill testify, no map is 300S accurate, nor can it 4e6 ( map, ho7ever detailed remains

nothing more than a representation of a particular territory rather than the territory itself6 his

analogy is as true of the data you use to find your 7ay to a vacation resort as it is of theinformation you employ in navigating your 7ay through life6

'n T"e Stru!ture of Magi! more than 0 years ago it is stated that

H*e as human 4eings do not act directly on the 7orld6 #ach of us creates a representation of the

7orld in 7hich 7e live?that is 7e create a map or model 7hich 7e use to generate our 4ehavior6

%ur representation of the 7orld determines to a large degree 7hat our e;perience of the 7orld

7ill 4e, ho7 7e 7ill perceive the 7orld, 7hat choices 7e 7ill see availa4le to us as 7e live in the

7orld6I 2M

he idea of mental mapping itself is not ne76 or millennia, great thin5ers, including the rishis of

the "imalayas, he Buddha, Plato, (lfred 9or<y4s5i and physicists such as *erner "eisen4erg,

have suggested that HrealityI is narrative made up 4y the 4rain out of the stuff of the 7orld6 't is a

proection of facts, actuality, collective and personal e;periences filtered through each person@s



4eliefs, needs and e;pectations6 (s humans 7e create mental maps or models that 7e use to

negotiate the rapids of 7hatever reality might actually 4e6

Neuro-Linguistic Programming ta5es this to the ne;t level6 *hat the developers of NLP

accomplished 7ith 4rilliant simplicity 7as the identification of the mechanics 4ehind the creation

of mental models6 'dentification led to the development of change-agent strategies6 his provided

options for improved perception, 7hich in turn increased people@s options, choices and

opportunities6

So3e of the 8ey i1eas of NL inc721e:

3M #veryone relies on data from their senses to create their uni:ue internal realities

1M #ach of us distills this sensory data uni:uely, reducing the information availa4le, interpreting it

differently, and dra7ing certain conclusions from it

M *e each have our sensory inta5e preferences6 $ome people are more comforta4le 7ith visual

information others rely more on 7ords or feelings

2M he mental maps 7e create differ in some degree from the maps of other people6 Put simply,

7e are living together in different 7orlds

EM he fifth, and argua4ly the most revolutionary presupposition of NLP is that it is often easier to

change someone@s map or model of the 7orld than it is to change to 7orld itself6

*hen 7e understand "ow as opposed to w"y 7e create a particular e;perience, 7e are e;ploring

stru!ture and pro!ess rather than story and !ontent 6 By changing the structure or process, 7e

change the e;perience6 Li5e the engineer 7ho charged the Navy a small fortune for fi;ing a

nuclear su4marine 4y 4anging on a pipe, 5no7ing 7hich pipe needs 4anging, and ho7 hard to4ang, is the secret of positive and lasting change6

'n the years since T"e Stru!ture of Magi! 7as pu4lished, neuroscience, psychology and the

e;perience of hundreds of thousands of people have come to support its claims6 $cientists

around the 7orld no7 agree that our sense of reality is a narrative 7e recite to ourselves6



Psychologist $usan Blac5more summed it up 4y noting that each 4rain e;isting in a 7orld

constructs its story, its Hgreat confa4ulationI6 EM

he term Hmental modelI first appeared in 9enneth Crai5@s 32 4oo5, T"e 'ature of 0&panation6

FM he idea had 4een previously e;plored to some degree 4y Georges-"enri Lu:uet in Le

Dessin 0nfantin Children@s Dra7ingsM6 Lu:uet suggested that children construct internal models

in order to understand and represent the 7orld6 .M

!ental model ma5ing faded into the 4ac5ground until Richard Bandler and ohn Grinder

reintroduced and e;plored the process in T"e Stru!ture of Magi! 6 heir analysis had a profound

impact on the fields of applied psychology and sports as 7ell as personal and corporate

development6 'n recent years, it has made ne7 inroads in the delivery of health care and

education6

7o 4oo5s, 4oth titled Menta Modes, appeared in the 3/0s6 he first 7as 4y Princeton

professor of psychology Philip ohnson-Laird /M the second 4y (l4ert $tevens and Dedre

Gentner6M

$ince then, the concept of mental models has gained 4oth credence and important, in 4oth

cognitive and computer science6

!ental models profoundly influence human 4ehavior6 "o7ever mental models may 4e

parado;ical, fragmentary or ungrounded in verifia4le fact6 (t times they may even 4ehallucinatory6 rom our point of vie7, 7hether a mental model is true or untrue is less important

than 7hether it is fit for purpose6

To s233ari?e6 2a7ity 3enta7 3o1e7s:

O $hould share a similar structure to 7hatever they represent, 4ut 4e constructed more simply

the map can never represent in all its details the territory it see5s to represent, 4ut it should 4earsufficient resem4lance to 4e useful to the travelerM

O $hould stri5e a 4alance 4et7een too much detail 7hich 7ould ma5e them cum4ersome and

slo7M, and too little detail 7hich 7ould ma5e accurate predictions difficultM

O $hould 4e adapta4le as e;ternal circumstances change6



he final :uality, that of adapta4ility, is possi4ly the most difficult to achieve6 *hile mental models

are unsta4le, in that they can 4e changed 4y altering their structure, their 4uilding 4loc5s, the

foundation of each, tends to 4e more dura4le6 or e;ample, 7hen the person of your dreams

reects your advances, your perception of him or her as 5ind and lova4le may change6 But, li5e all

the other 4illions of highly information-rich frames that comprise your e;perience the smell of

roses, the shape of an oa5-leaf, the play of light in a Canaletto paintingM it is highly unli5ely that

you can completely forget his or her face6 'n this e;ample, the reection is the change6 he

person, hisJher face, is part of the foundation of your mental model6 20M

(n effective mental model needs to 4e logically applica4le and amenda4le?7hat 7e call

runna4le6 his means you can use it to predict actions and results6 ( runna4le mental model must

4e easily adusted if something doesn@t 7or56 or e;ample, if you are compelled to turn up at thedoor of the person 7ho reected you, as5ing for a date 7ithout thought of the conse:uences, even

after they@ve ta5en out a court order against you, you can 4e reasona4ly sure that particular

mental model is not applica4le and amenda4le6

*ith time, the face of the o4ect of your devotions might dim, distort or drop out of your constant

attention6 he mallea4ility of mental models suggests that the meaning of its component parts, as

7ell as its totality, can 4e easily changed6 his is a 5ey theme of this 4oo56

THE ADDITION OF LAN+UA+E

(s the co-founders of NLP correctly stated, the most significant determining factor in ho7 7e

construct reality is language6 Language allo7s us to impose order on the H4looming, 4u<<ing

confusionI 20aM that is reality6 By creating categories, distinctions and definitions, 7e effectively

create our universe6 he :uality of that universe, therefore, depends on ho7 7e use language6

#nglish, in common 7ith most #uropean languages, is richer in nouns than it is in ver4s6 hisleads to a tendency to reify, or in laymen@s terms, tal5 a4out and to perceive a 7orld made up

more of concrete o4ects nounsM than processes ver4sM6 he linguistic tradition of creating

sentences comprising su4ects that act on o4ects of an independent e;istence, tends to cause

native spea5ers to minimi<e or overloo5 processes and relationships6



Not every culture does this6 he Nuu-chah-nulth or Noot5a tri4e living on the sea7ard coast of

+ancouver 'sland in Canada, have only one principle form that corresponds 4roadly 7ith the

#nglish ver46 heir language manages this 7ithout ta5ing either su4ect or o4ect6 he Noot5a

e;perience of reality, therefore, can 4e thought of as an endless fow of being 6 #ven tangi4le

o4ects li5e trees and 4oulders are regarded as e;tended temporal processes ? HtreeingI and

H4oulderingI6 23M

>nderstanding the role of language in creating mental models gives you enormous po7er to

change your e;perience of the 7orld and, 4y default, ho7 you respond to it6 Consensus reality,

that is, 7hatever is agreed to 4e HrealI 7ithin a society, depends upon a collective synergy of

individual mental models6 Needless to say, disconnects in model-ma5ing, 7here the model-

ma5ers e;perience themselves as living in and defending separate 7orlds, is the starting point of

most human conflict6 21M

THE ED+E OF THE 0ODEL

!ental models allo7 people to e;plain and function in their 7orld, 7hile providing each 7ith a

sense of safety6 *hen you are functioning unchallenged 7ithin your model, prefera4ly 7ith

people of li5e mind, you feel safe6 )et, as you move out7ards to7ards the limits of a particular

strongly defended mindset, especially if you leave your tri4e and stri5e out on your o7n, 7hat

you@ll feel is fear6 he pattern-ma5ingJpattern-matching parts of your 4rain have less and less tohold on to6 ear can, and often does, 4ecome panic6 'ndeed, your mind through fear decides

there really are dragons and sea-serpents at the edge of the 7orld6

he :uestion 4ecomes, 7hat is the antidote to 4ecoming entrenched in and reliant upon outdated

mental modelsA

he ans7er is simple6 Develop a deep e;pertise in as many fields as possi4le6 'n other 7ords,

learn and 5eep learning6 9no7ledge and proficiency are 5ey ingredients of the antidote6

DEE E.ERTISE

#;pertise is defined as the possession of speciali<ed s5ill, 5no7ledge or e;perience6 'n other

7ords, s5ill arises 7ithin a runna4le mental model6 Deep e;pertise arises 7hen you assem4le a



sufficient num4er of superior mental models and couple these 7ith a proficiency to move 4et7een

them6 (n ina4ility to entertain, e;plore and apply different mental models stops you progressing,

and may have fatal conse:uences6 Disasters of the cali4er of $eptem4er 33, 1003, hree !ile

'sland and $pace $huttle Colum4ia display different physical causes, yet all share the

commonality of system malfunction6 $ystem malfunction results 7hen 5ey players fail to loo5 at

situations from different perspectives using data already in their possession6

#;perience, 4oth practical and theoretical, is the most common source of the 4uilding 4loc5s of

ne7 mental models6 No amount of 4oo5-learning 7ill allo7 you to 4ecome a competent pianist,

4rain-surgeon, or NLP practitioner6 (t the same time, e;perience 7ithout a theoretical frame7or5

tends to lac5 form and direction6 Later in this 4oo5, 7e e;plore the cutting-edge thought

e;periments that 7ill optimi<e your a4ility to design ne7 mental models and to ac:uire the

information and e;perience necessary to develop deep e;pertise in any discipline6

INTUITION

$uccessful people are usually intuitive thin5ers6 hey are more sensitive to their Hgut feelingsI

and, more li5ely to 4elieve these feelings 7ill direct them to7ards more desira4le outcomes6 )et,

as any good po5er player 7ill confirm, in order to trust a gut feeling, you need to 5no7 its source6

he richer the source, the more pro4a4le it is that your hunch 7ill 4e right6 herefore, if you 7ish

to develop your intuition, you need to 4uild the depth and 4readth of your mental models, andlearn to develop the a4ility to assem4le and reassem4le them in 7ays that support your desired

outcomes6

!any scientists regard the concept of intuition 7ith suspicion6 )et, the most superficial

o4servation sho7s us that some people are more inclined than others to respond regularly to

their hunches, and these people seem to have a significant num4er of hits6

he NLP approach to modeling comple; and perple;ing 4ehavior has produced considera4le

insight into intuition and intuitive processes6 !uch of this insight has 4een su4stantiated 4y agro7ing collection of pioneering studies6 'ntuition, it seems, favors those people 7ho actively

pursue deep e;pertise6 he a4ility to delve deep into our internal data4ase for 5no7ledge and

e;perience is a characteristic of intuitive thin5ing6 "o7ever, the data4ase needs to 4e front-

loaded and continually updated in order to facilitate recom4inant thin5ing?that is, the a4ility to

4lend e;isting modules of information in ne7 and creative permutations6



#;pert chess players have 4een found to have a greater num4er of comple; mental models than

novices6 !astery is highly dependent on detailed, content-specific 5no7ledge a4out the game

coupled 7ith an a4ility to access and apply that 5no7ledge in highly efficient, often une;pected

7ays6

his may seem o4vious, 4ut, ac:uiring mastery not only improves performance, 4ut actually

changes the architecture of the 4rain6 !erim Bilalic, from Germany@s _4ingen >niversity,

compared functional magnetic resonance images f!R'M of chess masters and novices and

discovered that, rather than simply using a more comple; and rapid decision-ma5ing strategy

than the novices, the e;perts had ac:uired the a4ility to use the right hemisphere, as 7ell as the

left6 !astery, they concluded, is a 7hole-4rain process6 2M

"er4ert ( $imon, a leading researcher in human consciousness, 4elieves intuition is the a4ility to

access and use the 5no7ledge in mental models6 22M (ccording to $imon, intuitive 4rea5throughoften emerges out of a period of frustration, follo7ed 4y a sense that a solution is imminent, and

then, the discovery of a ne7 7ay of representing the pro4lem6 he pro4lem is set aside for a

period of Hincu4ationI, after 7hich insight suddenly surfaces in conscious a7areness6

(nother :uality identified in intuitive people is confidence6 he 5ind of confidence that is

characteristic of intuitive people also occurs among those 7e regard as Being "appy6

ay, a professional medical intuitive, says, H(ll this his intuitionM doesn@t come out of no7here6 '

am massively interested in my su4ect, the 7or5ing of the human 4ody and mind, and ' amconstantly reading across many, many different fields6 his is not characteristic of specialists in

medicine or science6 $pecialists seldom even tal5 to other specialists from areas of e;pertise

outside their o7n6

H' 4elieve this is a foundation of my 5ind of intuition6 't certainly gives me confidence to go 7ith my

hunches6 $ometimes something that is considered to 4e pathological 7ithin one set of 4eliefs is

regarded as healthy, or even desira4le, 7ithin another6 Certain psychoses have much in common

7ith the 5ind of transcendental e;perience familiar to some people 7ho practice Buddhist, or

other 5inds of, meditation6

HBut, ' al7ays give my insights a reality chec56 ' do not thin5 intuitive thin5ing should ever 4e

applied to the e;clusion of rational analysis6 (ny hunch, ho7ever strong, should 4e carefully

chec5ed out 4y your logical 4rain6 hey are characteristics of different parts of the 4rain, and

should 7or5 together as 7hole-4rain thin5ing6



H(4ove all, ' am optimistic that ' can 7or5 together 7ith a patient to identify 7hat is needed to

restore 4alance to the system6 hat@s 7hat ' thin5 of as real confidence6 'ntuition should al7ays

4e directed more to7ards finding solutions than in identifying pro4lems6I

ay@s description corresponds closely 7ith 7hat researchers call "euristi! !ompeten!e6 "euristic

competence is the individual@s confidence that he or she has the a4ility to find the means to

resolve a pro4lem or accomplish a tas56 ay is descri4ing heuristic competence 7hen he spea5s

of his solution-oriented approach6

he actual 5no7ledge re:uired to resolve a pro4lem or accomplish a tas5 is 7hat ay ac:uires

through his voracious consumption of information from many different fields6 his is epistemi!

!ompeten!e6 $pecialists in any field, including Being "appy, need to 4e confident that they are

epistemically competent6 'n other 7ords, 5no7 as much as you can a4out 7hatever it is you 7antto master6 he greater the degree of heuristic competence, the more esta4lished is your actual

competence6 2EM

FEEDBAC-

rom the very 4eginning, NLP developers reected the o4sessive pro4lem-orientation of most

schools of psychology 4y emphasi<ing the importance of o4servation and feed4ac56 !ista5es7ere routinely reframed as information a4out the results of trying to get something done6 'f the

results 7ere in line 7ith your o4ective, you 7ere urged to continue in the same direction6 'f not, it

7as an indication that you needed to adust your 4ehavior6

Becoming sensitive to feed4ac5 is an important :uality of Being "appy6 %ptimists and people

7ho are proactive and self-reliant revie7 their progress as a matter of course this is a po7erfully

transformative action6 $ystems heory tells us that feed4ac5 supporting a particular mental model

7ill strengthen it6 eed4ac5 failing to support a model can act as a prompt for it to adapt6 2FM he

more :uic5ly you chec5 7hether results match your e;pectations, the more rapidly you can ta5ealternative action to avoid greater pro4lems further do7n the line6 he important thing is that you

stay a7a5e and pay attention to 7hat@s happening in your life6

hirty years ago, 7hen computer programmers needed to chec5 for errors, they had to unroll

yards of code, usually do7n the corridor of their 4uilding, and chec5 it, line 4y line6 No7, the



soft7are in your laptop has 4uilt-in error-correction 7hich operates constantly and invisi4ly to

reduce the ris5 of crashes6

$o, are these s5ills and a4ilities innate in your neurological ma5e-up, or can you develop them?in

particular, the po7er to avoid trou4le even 4efore it arisesA

*ell, this is 7here you are heading as you read on6 #ven if you incorrectlyM fear this 7ill ta5e a

lot of difficult and time-consuming 7or5, rest assured that the hard7are to accomplish all this is

already installed, courtesy of your DN(6 7o facts, no7 confirmed 4y neuroscientists, support this

vie76

3M )ou already have neurons in your 4rain that are capa4le of recogni<ing errors, correcting them

and optimi<ing your 4ehavior

1M ( potential error is often detected 4y the 4rain in ad(an!e of it actually occurring6 2.M or

e;ample, a typist 7ill often reveal su4tle distinctive neural and muscular signals fractions of a

second 4efore a 7rong 5ey is depressed6 ̀Later in this 4oo5 7e 7ill sho7 you ho7 to install an

Hearly-7arning machineI in your mind to 7arn you of impending errors in udgment6

Cell assem4ly theory "e44@s La7M suggests that Hcells that fire together, 7ire togetherI6 his

theory hints at ho7 you can optimi<e your 4ehavior 4y committing to recogni<ing errors,

correcting them, and then developing ne7 and superior responses6 2/M

he fact that the unconscious mind is a little ahead of conscious a7areness often depresses

some people 7ho 4elieve it means humans are little more than automatons6 "o7ever, another

aspect of learning and remem4eringM is repetition6 hrough repetition you automate your

4ehavior, consciously, deli4erately and consistently6

LEARNIN+ FRO0 /OUR 0ISTA-ES

$uppose you plan to post a 4irthday card to (unt !ary she doesn@t do e-mailM6 )ou have chosen

the ideal "allmar5 moment, hand7ritten an affectionate message, sealed and addressed the

envelope, then set out to 4uy a stamp6 %n the 7ay, you spot a mail4o; and, 7ithout thin5ing, you

pop the card inside6 >h-uh No stamp



No7, the second 4efore the mail4o; s7allo7ed up your card, there 7as a surge of activity in the

medial frontal corte; of your 4rain6 hen, the instant you recogni<ed you@d made a mista5e,

everything slo7ed do7n6 'f you@d 5no7n 7hat 7as happening, you@d have 4een a4le to ta5e

advantage of these fe7 seconds the error-correction 4rain mechanisms gave to analy<e and, 7e

can hope, ensure you do not ma5e the same mista5e t7ice6 2M

!any people 7ho ma5e mista5es 7aste enormous amounts of energy and time ruminating a4out

their failure6 %4sessing over 7hat 7ent 7rong is highly counter-productive6 'n fact, o4sessing and

repetitive focusing on a negative may 7ell ma5e it easier to fail again in the future6

he follo7ing e;ercise is designed to enrich your mental models 4y learning from a specific

e;perience of underperforming6 #;amples might include missing a putt on the golf course, losing

your temper 7ith your daughter 7ho 7ants a 4elly 4utton ring, or flu44ing an important

presentation or e;am6

Pause for a moment and thin5 of an e;perience 7here your performance did not deliver the

results you 7anted6 %nce you have identified a specific e;perience, 4egin the e;ercise6

E.ERCISE $:

LEARNIN+ FRO0 /OUR 0ISTA-ES

3M Revie7 the inferior performance from a dissociated point of vie76

'n other 7ords, run the scenario slo7ly as if you 7ere 7atching yourself on a screen

he purpose of this step is to revie7 the errors in your performance so you can correct them later6

Be systematic6 Remain non-udgmental6 his is fact-gathering, not self-punishment6

1M No7, go to the end of the scenario, associate step into itM and run it 4ac57ards very rapidly



M Ne;t, return to the o4server position and create a ne7 scenario that features you functioning

optimally, effectively and error-free

$@ 4hen yo2 are satisfie1 ith this ne 9eha;ior6 step associateM into the 4eginning of the

scenario and run it three to five times from start to finish, until it feels comforta4le and natural to

perform this 7ay6


B(C9 % %P

CREATIN+ /OUR O4N ARADI+0 SHIFT

'n 3F1, (merican physicist homas 9uhn suggested that change doesn@t necessary happen in a

smooth, un4ro5en curve6 Rather, change involves a series of peaceful phases interspersed 4y

sudden, violent intellectual upheavals6 *ith each upheaval, one perspective on the 7orld is

replaced 4y another6 E0M

Russian chemist and No4el laureate 'lya Prigogine identified 7hat he refers to as a H4ifurcation

pointI, 7here systems under stress, including people, either collapse into chaos or reorgani<e at

a higher, more comple; level6 (t the same time, rench mathematician Rene hom@s

Catastrophe heory teaches us that maor transition, li5e paradigm change, needs to happen

:uic5ly, although the preparation for change may re:uire su4stantial planning and time6 E3M

S-ILLS RECIITATIN+ ARADI+0 SHIFTS INCLUDE:

O 'ncreasing the num4er of mental models in your repertoire6

Getting stuc5 is inevita4ly the result of not having enough choice in your mental models6

O Learning to tolerate am4iguity6)ou do not have to 5no7 everything all the time6 Phase transition is a space 4et7een one state

and another and is often mar5ed 4y confusion6 Rela; and o4serve6 Change 7ill happen6

O Regularly challenge and prune your collection of personal mental models6

a5e time out on a regular 4asis to construct valid arguments for your most treasured 4eliefs?not

necessarily to change them, 4ut to learn ho7 to change points of vie7 7ith elegance and ease6



Practice doing day-to-day tas5s differently6 or e;ample, 4rush your teeth 7ith your non-dominant

hand, or, 7or5 at learning to sign your name e:ually 7ell 7ith either hand6

O Loo5 at ne7 uses for old models6

$ometimes an old model 7ill provide the solution to a ne7 pro4lem6

A FOR0ULA FOR CHAN+E

(s you progress 7ith this program, you 7ill learn ho7 to apply a formula for change 4oth

consciously and systematically6 o do this, you 7ill need to

36 Design and 4uild a ne7 model that is fit for purpose

16 'dentify 7hat needs to 4e there in order to achieve this

6 Create a process that 7ill move you in the direction you have chosen

26 est for runna4ility 7ill this model help you predict actions and achieve results 7ith reasona4le

accuracyAM

E6 'dentify and remove any o4stacles to this process

F6 a5e action

.6 !onitor your results and adust accordingly6

Remem4er, the richness or povertyM of your mental model dictates the richness or poverty of

your e;perience and your life6 Rather than simply deciding to add detail to your map, you must

first understand the idiosyncrasies of that t7o-and-a-half pound matter of grey elly 4et7een your

ears6 *or5ing 7ith, rather than against, your neuro4iology 7ill 4ring you enormous 4enefits6 'nthe ne;t t7o chapters you@ll find out ho7 your 4rain ma5es up its mind and ho7 to use that to your

advantage6

B#%R# !%+'NG %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ans7er the follo7ing :uestions6



CHATER FOUR: FEAR6 FEELIN+S AND FA0ILIARIT/

$o, you thin5 you are running your o7n 4rainA

'n this chapter

O he #fficiency Principle?7hy you have a comfort <one@

O *hat causes fear and ho7 to handle it

O )ou are, therefore you feel

O "o7 your 4rain ma5es up its mind6

)our 4rain is e;traordinarily efficient6 *hether originating from the primitive <ones of Paul D6

!acLean@s Reptilian comple; R-comple;M, or from the o4sessive, never-silent, commentator and

ma5er-of-meaning <one in your left prefrontal corte;, every activity follo7s the line of least

resistance6 his efficiency ensured our survival as a species6 "undreds of thousands of years

ago on the savannah, in ungles or 7oods, the fact that our 4rains fre:uently erred on the side of

caution 7as no 4ig deal6 #ach day 7as a 4attle for survival6 'n modern times though, this can

ma5e a difference?and not necessarily for the 4est6

*hat 4oth e;perience and recent developments in neuroscience have taught us is that your

4rain

O 's fiercely protective

O Communicates 7ith your conscious a7areness through feelings 5inestheticsM

O !a5es decisions :uic5ly

O Relies on information derived from past e;perience6



(t the same time, 4ehind the scenes, a maor scuffle is ta5ing place 4et7een a need for

stimulation ne7 information and e;periencesM and the desire to 5eep things the same6

rom a purely evolutionary point of vie7, these are e;cellent survival assets6 'n practical terms,

ho7ever, they can sometimes act li5e 4ugs in a soft7are program, resulting in partial, or even

complete, system failure6

THE EFFICIENC/ RINCILE

Consider ne7 e;periences6 *henever you are called upon to deal 7ith something ne7 and

une;pected, your 4rain, li5e a general, calls on additional troops neuronsM to handle and analy<e

the information6 his surge of neurons re:uires more energy, one reason 7hy learning

something ne7 can feel e;haustingM and your 4uilt-in energy monitor immediately 5ic5s in and

triggers a sense of discomfort sometimes interpreted as fearM6 %n the other hand, 7henever you

stic5 7ith e;isting patterns, you use fe7er neurons6 here is no need to summon the reserves6

he conflict is minimal or non-e;istent6 )ou 5no7 7hat to e;pect6 'nternally this feels more

familiar and secure6

he a4ove analogy illustrates the 0ffi!ien!y 1rin!ipe, the 4asis of 7hat is commonly referred to

as the Hcomfort <oneI6 $trictly spea5ing, it is often far from comforta4le6 But it is familiar andpredicta4le, and, for that reason, people 7ill often avoid moving out of it6 his illusion of

predicta4ility is a maor o4stacle to change6 (s the reno7ned family therapist +irginia $atir

remar5ed, people often fear things not staying the same more even than death6

he #fficiency Principle also e;plains in part 7hy 7e prefer to 4e 7ith people 7ho share our vie7

of the 7orld and sometimes avoid meeting ne7 people, or e;perience fear 7henever 7e do6 't is

far easier and re:uires less energy to co-e;ist 7ith others if the level of conflict in thought and

deed is minimal6 'ncorporating ne7 and foreign value-patterns into our lives at every turn 7ould

7aste 4oth time and energy6 he status :uo is energy-efficient6 "o7ever, it can also 4edestructive6

here@s no dou4t that 4eing afraid can 4e useful in the right conte;t6 'f you start to step into the

road and suddenly see a 4us and heading to7ards you, 4eing afraid and umping out of the 7ay

is the appropriate response6 Pro4lems arise, ho7ever, 7hen fear occurs in inappropriate

conte;ts, is over7helming, or is free-floating, 7ith no particular trigger, or cause6



he fact is that much of the internal dissidence, consternation and disagreementM 7e e;perience

as human 4eings arises from an aversion to change6 o e;plain and ustify it, people 5eep

running the same scenarios over and over and over in their mind, there4y manufacturing the

same no;ious chemicals their 4rain uses to maintain a state of perceived fear6

he fear of pu4lic spea5ing is an e;cellent e;ample6 his is often cited as the primary fear or

pho4ia 4y many (mericans, even if an individual cannot identify e;actly 7hat a4out the activity

they are truly afraid6 he perceived threat is mental, rather than physical6 he act of spea5ing

4efore a group has never 5il led anyone, yet the fear it engenders feels real and may force the

individual into a state of near paralysis6

*hile it might have made evolutionary sense to 4e cautious and even fearful of strangers, 7e

4elieve this modern day fear can also 4e created 7ithin the modern education system6

Perhaps a teacher suddenly singled you out to spea5 a4out a pro4lem you didn@t understand6

)our heart started pounding, your stomach churned and your mouth 7ent dry6 Nevertheless, the

teacher forced you to come to the front of the class6 (s you started to move, you felt your 5nees

start sha5ing6 $uddenly you 4ecame afraid you@d fall do7n6 he fact is, your entire 4ody 7as

going into maor stress mode and still you 7ere e;pected to spea5 to the group6 #very fi4er in

your 4ody screamed Fig"t ba!k7 6un7 But, you couldn@t6 )ou 7ere fro<en 7ith terror6

Decades later you may have forgotten this incident, 4ut your 4ody remem4ers the feeling andresurrects it each time you find yourself facing a similar situation?and each time it feels as 4ad or

7orse6

he pro4lem is fear "urts6 't hurts physically and emotionally, and, if 7e do not do something

a4out it, fear damages our accomplishments, our 4odies and the :uality of our lives6

he a4ove phenomenon is so fre:uently reported that the psychiatrist@s standard reference,

)meri!an 1sy!"iatri! )sso!iation,s Diagnosti! and Statisti!a Manua 8DSM9, descri4es a clutch

of related an;iety conditions, including

O Panic disorder

O Panic disorder 7ith agorapho4ia



O Generali<ed an;iety disorder

O $ocial pho4ia

O Post-traumatic stress disorder

O $pecific pho4ia

O %4sessive-compulsive disorder6

%ne study concludes FFS of patients suffer from more than one an;iety disorder, E1M he

causes of fear-4ased responses are variously e;plained as genetic, EM E2M Hcognitive

misinterpretationI of 4odily sensations, especially 4reathing disorders6 EEM %r they are attri4utedto social or personal factors, such as adverse life events6 EFM E.M *hile e;perts might disagree

a4out the causes of an;iety, most agree that panic attac5s are mar5ed 4y the sudden

appearance of intense fear or discomfort accompanied 4y several 4odily symptoms, such as

accelerated or irregular heart rate, nausea and s7eating6 >nfortunately, the standard clinical

response is to prescri4e heavy-duty psychotropic 4rain-alteringM drugs to damp do7n on the

symptoms, rather than to fi; 7hat is actually causing the pro4lem6

'n Being 2appy , our concern is not w"y fear happens, 4ut "ow a person creates and responds to

it and 7hat can 4e done a4out it6 Regardless of 7here fear comes from, it is clear an individual iscapa4le of creating 4ad feelings and amplifying those feelings to the point 7here she feels as if

she is dying6 his is not productive and certainly does little to help a person live a 4etter life no7

and in the future6

he facts that you are capa4le of creating and amplifying fear actually means you have the a4ility

to manufacture and amplify feelings in general6 his means you can change6 "o7, then, are you

going to use your a4ilityA )ou can choose to spend your time on the planet living 7ithout purpose

or direction, living in fear6 %r, 4eginning today, right no7, you can choose to spend your time

Being "appy6 't is your !"oi!e6

*ellA

ear is a strange and mysterious animal6 Not only do each of us e;perience it differently as far

as 7e can tellM, 4ut different things ma5e each of us afraid6



hin5 a4out the person 7ho turns up at a flying field, clim4s into a small aircraft, ta5es off, then, at

30,000 feet, leaps out6 he only thing preventing her from crashing to the ground is si;ty yards of

sil5 and the up7ard rush of air6 he s5ydiver 7ill inevita4ly pic5 herself up and 4a44le a4out the

rush, the 4u<< and surge of adrenalin that ma5es her 7ant to get right 4ac5 into the plane and do

it again6 !ean7hile another person 7ith same age, height, 7eight, and 4road e;perience may 4e

reduced to a :uivering 7rec5 at the mere thought of 4oarding a commercial airliner on a 4usiness

trip6

he conditions are the same the responses dramatically different6

he fact is neither person is responding to reality6 #ach has ta5en similar e;ternal data,

processed it according to his or her uni:ue 4eliefs, values and e;periences, and then 4uilt a set of

responses6 #ven though these responses are physiologically similar racing pulse, gasping4reath, churning stomach, tingling hands and feetM, the interpretation of the e;perience is

dramatically different for each person6 or the first, it is thrilling, near orgasmic, e;citement for

the second, terror of 4lind panic and loss of control6

(s5 either of them 7hy they respond the 7ay they do and they are li5ely to say, H't is ust a feeling

' get6I

Doctor H*here are you feeling the painAI

Patient H*ell, it is not really a pain6 't is more, li5e, a feeling =I

Doctor H$o, ho7 long has it 4een hurtingAI

- ranscript of actual consultation E/M

he e;ample a4ove is typical of many e;changes 4et7een physicians and patients6 he semantic

value meaningM of 7ords differs 7idely from person to person, even 7hen 4oth assume they aretal5ing a4out the same thing6 Language analysts have used functional !agnetic Resonance

'maging f!R'M to esta4lish that #nglish nouns have no fe7er than t7enty-five different semantic

features6 his supports the vie7 that 7ords, especially nouns, such as pain@ and feeling, derive

their meaning from prior e;periences that are all lin5ed to a common sym4ol6 %f course, these

prior e;periences are uni:ue to each individual6 EM



Due to a num4er of limitations a lac5 of time, money andJor speciali<ed training, coupled 7ith an

over-dependence on drug therapy or surgeryM, health professionals 7ill often funnel the patient

into a category 7ith 7hich they are familiar6 H"urtingI is something doctors are trained to handle

HfeelingI, less so6 his is 4ecause feelings, 4ecause they cannot 4e seen, touched or measured,

tend to 4e thoroughly mistrusted 4y science6

H*e deal only in 7hat is o4ectively true,I the scientist claims6

Conversely, some counselors and therapists focus so intently on feelings they put their patients

and clients at ris5 H$o, you say you are suicidalA "o7 does that ma5e you feelAI the therapist

might as5M, or, loc5 them into an endless loop of memory, pain and despair6

#ven psychology, 7hich strives to 4e the science of feelings, is confused on the issue6 !uch ofthe confusion is semantic, rather than evidential6 Psychology defines emotions, 7hat you and 7e

might call feelings, as universal terms and infers universal acceptance of the definitions6 (t the

same time, they step into the 4asic trap of confusing ver4s 7ith nouns, there4y casting processes

ver4sM as things nounsM6 By doing so, some psychological approaches create the illusion of

fi;ed, unaltera4le, permanent states, effectively removing from their patients and clients the

potential for process and change6

urthermore, e;perts may differ in their understanding of even those fi;ed states@6 his should

come as no surprise6

Despite this, researchers continue to disagree a4out ho7 many 4asic emotions there are in the

human repertoire6 !ost include anger, distress, disgust, fear, and oy6 $ome add in happiness,

sadness, sorro7 and elation6 F0M But, as you 7or5 your 7ay through the catalogue, alarm 4ells

should 4e ringing6 "o7 do you 5no7 that 7hat you e;perience as sadness is not anger or fear to

someone elseA *hat is the distinction 4et7een happiness and oyA

'n truth there is none, at least none that usefully allo7s us to understand the e;perience of a

given individual any 4etter6 Pro4lems arise 7ithin the methodology researchers use to approachthe tas5 of cataloguing human e;perience6 he more fre:uently a particular 7ord occurs to

descri4e an e;perience, the more it is assumed the e;perience is the same from person to

person6 re:uency of occurrence is mista5en for accuracy6



$ome researchers have tried to address this pro4lem of reification 4y creating ne7 terminology6

Neuroscientist (ntonio Damasio spea5s of Hsomatic mar5ersI, 7hich he regards as automated

alarms6 hese mar5ers are the e:uivalent of psychophysical signals 4lasting off 7ith a message

of Danger@ or Go for it@ F3M

People in the grip of an;iety often report 5no7ing their response is illogical, yet 4eing po7erless

to resist it6 his conflict 4et7een logical thought and impulsive response is central to the human

e;perience6 'f 7e consider our species to 4e a 7or5 in progress, this conflict mar5s a transitional

phase in the evolution of the 4rain6

Neuroscience has taught us each hemisphere of the human corte; is 4roadly speciali<ed for

different functions, a4ilities and thin5ing styles6 *e appear to have evolved 7ith the a4ility to thin5

4oth se:uentially and simultaneously, using left and right sides of the 4rain respectively6 Different

emotions also seem to involve different hemispheres6

#arly !R' studies clearly demonstrated that the cere4ral activity of highly an;ious patients tended

to congregate on one side of the 4rain6 his has 4een verified in studies sho7ing positive, or

happy, emotions largely involve the left hemisphere, 7hile anger, sadness and an;iety reside

7ithin the right hemisphere6 F1M

Neuroscientists continue to de4ate 7hy 7e have separate seats of emotion6 $ome theori<e that

since each of the 4rain@s hemispheres is responsi4le for a different form of muscle control e6g6

the right hemisphere drives the large motor functions 7hile the left hemisphere drives smallermuscle movementsM, increased activity 7ithin the right hemisphere prepares us for fight or flight,

7hile activity in the left might 4e associated 7ith smaller, more soothing motions6

(s psychologist Ro4ert %rnstein remar5s, Z'f running 7ere controlled 4y one specific neural

system, it 7ould ma5e more sense to put the emotions that are associated 7ith running, in

moving the arms, fighting or fleeing, in the same area of the 4rain6Z

"e adds, Zhe right hemisphere@s control over the large muscle systems allo7s us to move

:uic5ly and to avoid trou4le, 7hile the left hemisphere\s control over small muscle systems allo7sus to approach things 7e are happy a4out6Z FM

%ne e;ample of this 7ould 4e punching out a motorist 7ho cuts you off on the 7ay to 7or5 right

hemisphereM6 (nother could 4e caressing the one you love left hemisphereM6



"o7ever heated and confusing as the argument might 4e, though, 7hat 7as lac5ing for a long

time 7as a practical approach to changing an individual@s e;perience6 No7, NLP@s a4ility to

function as a meta-psychology the a4ility to e;amine and e;plain 7hat lies 4eyond the facts and

la7s of psychologyM gives competent practitioners the means to create, test and develop effective

techni:ues 4ased upon o4servations such as %rnstein@s a4ove6

#ven if it is impossi4le to conclusively prove that 7hat one person feels as anger or fear is the

same as another@s, the principles of NLP provide you 7ith an ever-increasing range of tools to

change and optimi<e your o7n su4ective e;perience6 'n order to do that, you need to recogni<e

the uni:ueness of each e;perience6 *hat?and, more specifically, "ow ?you feel and e;perience is

7hat@s important6 No4ody else@s perception or interpretation matters as much as your o7n6 Let us

repeat that 4ecause this is a 5ey concept if change is the o4ective, how you fee anyt"ing is

mu!" more important t"an why 6

E.ERCISE %:

INSTANT AFFECT S4ITCH

36 hin5 of someone or something that causes you mild irritation6

$cale the intensity of your feeling from 3 to 306

16 $it or stand 7ith straight spine6

Loo5 up, a little a4ove the hori<on line, and slightly to the right6

6 $till holding the thought of the source of your irritation, 4egin to tap the fingers of your right

hand rhythmically on your right 5nee6

!ovement on either side of the 4ody is controlled 4y, and affects, the opposite hemisphere6

26 (fter a fe7 moments, chec5 the intensity of your feelings6



'f they have not yet significantly reduced, start tapping your right foot6 Repeat from step 1 and

continue until you can comforta4ly thin5 of the person or event that caused a fe7 mild irritation6

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B(C9 % %P

Before NLP emerged, a num4er of thin5ers, including (l4ert 9or<y4s5i, Gregory Bateson and

!arshall !cLuhan, made some inspired guesses a4out the 7ay people 4uilt their mental

representations6 #arly developers of Neuro-Linguistic Programming refined and formali<ed the

process, giving change-7or5ers an unprecedented tool the a4ility to get inside the thin5ing

process and change ho7 it all too5 place6

'nitially, the focus 7as on sensory-4ased thin5ing, that is, ho7 people used pictures, 7ords,

feelings, tastes and smells the five senses, or sensory modalitiesM to sample and process

information from the e;ternal 7orld6 Changing the se:uence of these could change the su4ective

e;perience6

hen a maor 4rea5through the discovery that each modality possessed specific :ualities and

distinctions6 !ental pictures could 4e in color or 4lac5 and 7hite, still of moving, large or small

sounds could 4e loud or soft, strident or soothing, emanate from inside our outside the head6

Physical sensations 5inestheticsM could occur in different parts of the 4ody, 4e glo4al orlocali<ed, seem smooth and mellifluous, or sharp and distressing6 he differences fell into t7o

4road categories

3M DigitalTthat is either one 7ay or another, li5e a light s7itch

1M (nalogTchanging along an un4ro5en continuum, similar to a light dimmer6

(gain, finding the most important su4-modality and changing that e6g6, s7itching a picture fromcolor to 4lac5 and 7hite or altering the tonality of self-tal5 from nagging and strident to soft and

se;yM could dramatically shift ho7 the individual e;perienced his or her HrealityI6 Notice that no

attempt need 4e made to change the content of the picture or the actual 7ords of the internal

monologue6



hese secondary :ualities 4ecame 5no7n as su4-modalities see (ppendi; B for further

e;amplesM6

SUB0ODALITIES

't 4ecame o4vious to o4servers that 7hen a su4ect used clarifying gestures andJor made

statements such as H' ust need to get a little distance from my pro4lemsI, or H!y responsi4ilities

are 7eighing me do7nI, they 7ere spea5ing literally, rather than metaphorically6 hey actually

e;perienced the internal representation of their pro4lem as 4eing too close to them, or 7eighing

do7n on them from a4ove6

!ore recently, another pattern 7as o4served6 Clients often gestured in a 7ay that suggested that

7hat they 7ere feeling had movement6 he 7ay they moved their hands implied that the feeling

they 7ere tal5ing a4out started some7here in their 4odies, and moved some7here else6

re:uently, the end of the feeling 7ould connect up 7ith the 4eginning and run continuously as a

loop6 he loop, it 7as noted, can spin in only one of four 7ays along the a;es of the 4ody

vertically for7ards or 4ac57ards, and hori<ontally cloc57ise or anti-cloc57ise6

9no7ledge of the a4ove provides po7erful yet simple tools for significant change6 he lesson is

elementary6 7ea5ing the su4-modalities changes the sensory modalities, 7hich, in turn, 4rings

a4out profound change in su4ective e;perience6 %r, 4y changing the direction of the spin, youchange the physical or emotional e;perience as 7ell6

E.ERCISE &:

UTTIN+ A NE4 SIN ON OLD FEELIN+S

36 hin5 of an unpleasant e;perience that has irritated you for some time6



Notice 7here the feeling starts in the 4ody, and 7here it seems to go6 'f it dissipates, connect the

end to the 4eginning and ma5e it run as a loop6 'f you continue to run it in this direction, or ma5e it

faster and stronger, the feeling 7ill almost certainly intensify6 $o, instead =

16 Reverse the direction of the spin6

'f you find it difficult to change the 7ay it moves, push it out of the 4ody first, change its direction,

and pull it 4ac5 in6

6 Run it faster6

!a5e it spread throughout the 4ody6 #noy the changes this 4rings a4out6

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THE 0INDBOD/ CONNECTION

)our 4ody and mind 7or5 together as a system6 he feelings you have a4out a particular pro4lem

or condition are the sum result of your history 7ith it6 'n other 7ords, the w"y 6 )ou get that feeling

4ecause you have e;perienced, seen or learned it at sometime in your past6 But, the 7hy4ecomes irrelevant if your o4ective is simply to change ho7 you react6 Rather than 7asting time

and energy analy<ing your e;perience, it is far more li5ely that if you change the structure of the

e;perience, that is "ow you respond to it, you may change the condition itself6

or e;ample, nausea and vomiting are continuing pro4lems in surgery and can cause cho5ing

and even death on the operating ta4le6 he use of po7erful pain-5illing and anaestheti<ing drugs

su4stantially increases the ris5s6

Dr 9halid "asan, a consultant anesthetist in Birmingham, #ngland, is accustomed to chatting 7ithpatients prior to surgery in an effort to calm and reassure6 "e does so using many of the

techni:ues of NLP6

H%n one occasion, ' 7as tal5ing to a 7oman 7ho had a long history of reacting to anesthetics 4y

vomiting violently,I he says6 H(s she recalled her past e;periences, ' noticed she 5ept ma5ing the



same gesture6 $he@d position her hands, palms facing her a4domen, and then move them 4oth

rapidly up7ards and out7ards to illustrate the violence of the vomiting6

H(fter she@d done this several times, ' 7as fairly confident that this reflected 4oth her fear and the

memory of the 4ody sensation she@d e;perienced during previous 4outs of vomiting6I

Dr "asan@s solution 7as to continue spea5ing reassuringly to his patient, using the tonality of his

voice and his rate of speech to pace her e;perience and calm her do7n6

H(s ' tal5ed, ' made the same gesture she made, 4ut in reverse6 ' used my hands to support 7hat

' 7as telling her that not everyone had the same response that 4ecause she@d had upsetting

e;periences in the past, it didn@t necessarily mean she@d have the same e;perience no7, and

that, as she rela;ed more and more, the tendency to gag and vomit 7ould diminish and

disappear, and so on6

H(ll the time, ' used my hand movements to reverse her gesture, 7atching her closely as she

rela;ed6 ' also suggested that she@d have less pain than she e;pected, and 7ould recover much

faster6I

he 7oman under7ent surgery 7ithout incident6 $he had neither nausea, nor an impulse to

vomit6 urthermore, she needed less post-operative medication, and 7as up and a4out sooner

than 4oth she and her surgeon e;pected6 F2M

his e;ample ma5es it clear that people add or su4tract information to create their models of the

7orld according to their individual filters6 ilters as previously mentioned are our 4eliefs, values,

e;periences and e;pectations etc6 hey represent our version of reality6 Revising ho7 you

process information 7ill :uic5ly and easily change your e;perience related to it6

(s 7e said at the start of this chapter, the #fficiency Principle, is a 4iological, rather than a

psychological, phenomenon6 he 4rain has evolved to ta5e short cuts to conserve energy6 't loo5s

for 7hat it already 5no7s from e;perience, and 7ill even manufacture facts according to the

pro4a4ility of something 4eing true6 his is true of all five senses6 *hat you e;pect is 7hat you7ill hear, feel, taste, smell, and especially see6



E.ERCISE ':

BLINDSOT

Let@s illustrate this6 !ost people are familiar 7ith the ideal of a 4lind spot6 Because of the 7ay the

optic nerve e;its your eye4all, there is a large HholeI in our visual field6 )ou can test this for

yourself6

Caption Blind spot testing card

36 "old the picture in front of your face and close your right eye6

16 *ith your left eye, loo5 at the cross to the right of the picture6

6 !ove and tilt the picture until the 4lac5 dot on the left seems to disappear6

his is your 4lind spot6

"old on6 )ou are not done yet6 (s you repeat the steps a4ove, notice something a little short of

4i<arre6 here@s no 7hite space 7here the 4lac5 dot once 7as6 here@s no negative space in the

area the o4ect once occupied6 he 4ac5ground is un4ro5en6

*hat happenedA rom the surrounding 4ac5ground, your 4rain instantaneously calculated the

pro4a4ility of the 4ac5ground e;tending 4ehind the a4sent o4ect and simply filled it in6 his is ust

one intriguing e;ample of ho7 your 4rain supplements HrealityI and creates e;perience6



R#$

No7, loo5 a7ay from this page6 a5e a piece of paper and 7rite do7n as many of the 7ords as

you can remem4er in 3E seconds6 Resist the temptation to cheat6 his is a demonstration, not a

test6 Please, do not read further until you have completed the a4ove e;ercise6


B(C9 % %P

Chances are you included the 7ord sleep@6 'f not, congratulate yourself6 !ost people@s 4rains

organi<e around the li5eliest associations 7ith 7hat they see, hear or feel6 herefore most people

remem4er having read the 7ord sleep even though it isn@t on the list6

he *estern mantra of s5epticism, H'@ll 4elieve it 7hen ' see itI should 4e revised to, H'@ll see it

7hen ' 4elieve it6I he second statement 7ould 4e far more accurate, given the fact that your

4rain li5es pictures6 'n fact, as far as 7e can tell your 4rain can only ma5e sense of the 7orld

through pictures6 urthermore, to conserve energy, your 4rain 7ill do t7o things

%ne, ma5e a picture according to 7hat it is already familiar 7ith and oftenM t7o, present that

picture as if it is true6

ear, therefore, comes from the pictures you ma5e, the feelings 5inestheticsM you have and ho7

you respond to them6 'n the second part of this 4oo5, you@ll 4e a4le to e;periment 7ith optimi<ing

your life through these, and a num4er of other, principles and techni:ues of Husing your 4rain for

a changeI6

B#%R# !%+'NG %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, 7rite do7n the ans7ers to the follo7ing

:uestions

36 *hat feelings do you have regularly that ma5e you feel goodA



16 *hat feelings do you have that ma5e you feel 4adA

6 *hat do you most fear happeningA

26 *hat do you most fear not happeningA

E6 *hat stops you from moving to7ards your o4ectivesA

F6 *hen you feel fear

*here a4out in your 4ody do you feel itA *hat are its characteristics su4-modalitiesMA *hat

does it doA Does it moveA *hereA

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REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER FOUR

E16 #ysenc5 ! 1002M, Psychology (n 'nternational Perspective, London Psychology Press

E6 9endler $, 9endler !D, Neale !C, 9essler RC, "eath (C, #aves L, Generali<ed (n;iety

Disorder in *omen ( Population-Based 7in $tudy, (rch Gen Psychiatry6 312 2M1F.-1.16

E26 Cro7e RR, Noyes R, Pauls DL, $lymen D, ( amily $tudy of Panic Disorder, (rch Gen

Psychiatry6 3/ 20 30M30FE-30F6

EE6 +er4urg 9, Grie< #, !eier , Pols ", Respiratory disorders as a possi4le predisposing factor

for panic disorder, (ffect Disord6 3E e4 13 1M31-2

EF6 $cocco P, Bar4ieri ', ran5 #, 'nterpersonal Pro4lem (reas and %nset of Panic Disorder,

Psychopathology 100. 20/?3

E.6 9leiner L, !arshall *L, he role of interpersonal pro4lems in the development of

agorapho4ia 7ith panic attac5s6 (n;iety Disord 3/. 3 3?16

E/6 homson G, 9han 9 100/M6 !agic 'n Practice 'ntroducing !edical NLP ? he (rt and

$cience of Language in "ealing and "ealth6 London "ammersmith Press6



E6 !itchell !, $hin5areva $, Carlson (, Chang 9, !alave +, !ason R, ust !, Predicting

"uman Brain (ctivity (ssociated 7ith the !eanings of Nouns, $cience, 0 !ay 100/ +ol6 106

no6 E//0, pp6 333 - 33E

F06 #vans D 1003M6 #motions, ( +ery $hort 'ntroduction6 %;ford %;ford >niversity Press6

F36 Damasio ( 32M Descartes@ #rror6 Ne7 )or5 GP Putnam\s $ons6

F16 "emispheric asymmetry and emotion, in (pproaches to #motion, ed6 $cherer 9, #5man P6

3/2M6 "ills-dale N La7rence #rl4aum6

F6 %rnstein R 3/M6 he "ealing Brain -- ( Radical Ne7 (pproach o $taying *ell6 London

!acmillan London Ltd6

F26 Conversation 7ith author GM6

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B(C9 % %P

CHATER FI5E: -NO4IN+6 BELIE5IN+ AND

UNDERSTANDIN+

'n this chapter

O hin5ing 4y design

O 's it appropriateA

O Data versus 'nference 5no7ing the difference

O Creating 4eliefs 7orth having6

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H'f you understand everything, you must 4e misinformed6I

apanese prover4

'f reality is 7hat you 4elieve, ho7 do you 5no7 7hat@s trueA his :uestion actually re:uires you

ans7er the :uestions 7e posed in Chapter our 6 or revie7, those :uestions are

36 *hat feelings do you have regularly that ma5e you feel goodA

16 *hat feelings do you have that ma5e you feel 4adA

6 *hat do you most fear happeningA

26 *hat do you most fear not happeningA

E6 *hat stops you from moving to7ards your o4ectivesA

F6 *hen you feel fear, 7here a4out in your 4ody do you feel itA

a6 *hat are its characteristics su4-modalitiesMA

46 *hat does it doA

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E.ERCISE ):

-NO4IN+6 FEELIN+ AND BELIE5IN+

Before continuing, revie7 the a4ove :uestions and your responses6 hen add the follo7ing

:uestion to each and 7rite do7n your response to it as it relates to the original :uestion6

36 *hat do you 4elieve that ma5es this trueA

#;ample

16 *hat feelings do ' have regularly that ma5e me feel goodA

(ccomplishment, admiration, happiness etc=

6 *hat do ' 4elieve that ma5es this trueA

Being recogni<ed enhances my life6 ' can rise to challenges6 ' am a talented and deserving

person, etc=

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B(C9 % %P

Lur5ing at the edge of every feeling is a 4elief6 hat is, something ustifies the feeling in a 7ay

that ma5es sense to you6 )ou might report that 7hen you are 7al5ing home alone at night and

feel your heart 4eating and your stomach churning, you are an;ious?or, more accurately, you

beie(e you are an;ious6 he 4elief is 4uilt on previous e;periences 7ithin the conte;t of your life6

)ou can have the same e;perience in an alternate conte;t 7ith 7holly different results6 or

e;ample your heart 4eats and your stomach churns 7hen your favorite foot4all team is playing an

important game6 'n this conte;t, you 4elieve you are e;cited6

!ost people end up feeling 4ad not 4ecause they are 4ad and deserve to suffer, 4ut 4ecausethey hold 4eliefs that fail to support life-affirming ideas6 Life affirming 4eliefs include

O eeling good doesn@t have to 4e an accident

O eeling good doesn@t have to 4e earned



O ust 4ecause ' 4elieve something especially the 4ad stuff a4out meM doesn@t necessarily mean

it is true

O ' can change my 4eliefs and my feelings at 7ill6

Psychiatrists tend to 4e s5eptical a4out the claim that people can fundamentally change their

thoughts, feelings and 4eliefs6 $ome see their role as helping their patients adust to reality, or to

provide drugs designed to ta5e the edge off any unpleasant feelings reality may cause6 his is

ignorance 7or5ing in a highly destructive 7ay 4ecause it is 4ased on a fundamental

misunderstanding of 7hat t"inking is6

%utside of NLP, thin5ing is profoundly misunderstood6 Psychologists tal5 a4out thoughts as if

they are o4ects, li5e mar4les inside a sac56

't is not that you have thoughts it is that you think 6

)ou process various pieces of information every second6 hese consist of pictures, 7ords,

feelings, sounds, tastes and smells6 )our 4rain ta5es all this random information, configures the

components in certain se:uences, then runs them to generate the outcome 7e call e;perience6

(n e;perience can 4e a feeling, response, or 4ehavior6 't can also 4e an opinion or a 4elief6 'f 7e

alter the components, in si<e, distance, location and ho7ever they are presented in our mind, or

the direction in 7hich they move, 7e change the e;perience itself6

'magine the possi4ilities if you could cultivate and reinforce a compelling 4elief that you !an earn

:ust about anyt"ing at any time6 'f you held that 4elief, the outcome of any techni:ue you apply

7ould 4e automatically enhanced, in much the same 7ay a seed planted in fertile soil 7ill flourish

4etter than one dropped on stony ground6 No7 change HheldI to HhaveI and you are on your 7ay6

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E.ERCISE !*:

ACCELERATED LEARNIN+ ATTERN

Learning to Learn

36 ind the 4elief that stands in your 7ay of learning ne7 things easily6

$ee, hear and feel yourself trying, 4ut not accomplishing, your o4ective6 )ou@ll pro4a4ly 4e a4le

to find many e;amples from 7hen you 7ere at school6 Notice all the :ualities of the pictures you

ma5e6 (re they in colorA "o7 4ig are theyA (re they moving or stillA *here are they situated in

your visual fieldA $ee (ppendi; B for further inspirationM6 *rite do7n your o4servations so you

can 4e systematic in your 7or56

16 ind a strong and useful 4elief a4out something at 7hich you already e;cel6

#;amine its :ualities, the same 7ay as a4ove6

6 Compare the t7o, noting the differences6

Pay particular attention to the si<e of each image, its position in your mental space, and 7hether

or not it involves movement6

26 Push the image off into the distance until it is little more than a pinpric5,

$hift it across to line up 7ith your positive 4elief, and then snap it 4ac5 to7ards you into its ne7

position, shifting all the original su4-modalities to match those of supreme confidence and

proficiency6 $ee yourself dropping into a profoundly rela;ed state 7here you a4sor4 information

easily and are prepared to e;plore and practice your ne7 s5ills 7ith deep commitment6 No7, step

into the scenario and e;perience it as fully as possi4le, amplifying everything you see, hear and

feel6

E6 Repeat this e;ercise several times over a period of a4out a 7ee56

Notice and 5eep a record of the changes you notice6

't is unli5ely that you@ll suddenly develop an over7helming conviction that you can learn anything

at any time 7ith no effort6 "o7ever, as the 4elief 4loc5ing you moves off into the distance, it

leaves room for a ne7 attitude to ta5e root and gro76



his simple e;ercise demonstrates ho7 easily 7e can change the :uality of an e;perience 4y

altering its structure6 9no7ing ho7 to do this is half the 4attle6 he 5no7ing 7hat needs to 4e

changed and 7hen to change it, is the other half6

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B(C9 % %P

'n practicing NLP 7e never categori<e thoughts as good or 4ad a common approach in

psychology, philosophical studies and mainline religionsM6 Rather, 7e approach thoughts as 4eing

appropriate or inappropriate, useful or 7asteful, productive or unproductive6 'n NLP our :uestion

is 7hether a specific thought is fit for purpose that is, does it give you 7hat you 7ant and needA

Pause here and ot do7n three to five of your strongest 4eliefs6 hese should all relate to you andyour relationship 7ith other people and the 7orld6

No7, going through each item on your list, as5 yourself

Does this support me and the people around meA

's it fit for purposeA

%r, do ' find it 4rings me into conflict 7ith myself or othersA

he people 7ho come to us for help are often unhappy 4ecause they 4elieve something

detrimental to their 7ell-4eing6 hey 4elieve they cannot do or 4e something they ought to6 %r, on

the other hand, they 4elieve they are something, or are doing something, they shouldn@t6

>nderlying that is another 4elief that it is difficult or impossi4le, to change6

%ne of the pro4lems a4out 4eliefs is that they are self-validating6 hat@s to say, ust 4ecause you

4elieve something, you automatically thin5 it is true and seldom put it to test6

(s5 almost anyone ho7 they 5no7 something is true, and they 7ill say one of three things

H' feel it is true6I

H' 4elieve it is true6I



H' 5no7 it is true6I

#ach phrase has a slightly different meaning or, more accurately, a different impact on your

internal e;perience6 People 7ill react accordingly, often 7ithout pausing to analy<e their

response6 eeling something is true is less authoritative than 4elieving it is true6 People 7ill often

add the 7ord HustI to the statement, as in, H' ust feel it is true6I he HustI is significant to the

underlying meaning of the communication6 't almost al7ays signals that the spea5er has come to

the edge of his conscious model of understanding6 't is ust the 7ay it is, 4ecause it ust is =

Believing something is emphatic6 $uch 4eliefs re:uire critical attention, yet 4eliefs are seldom

:uestioned 4y the 4eliever, and other people@s 4eliefs are often regarded as either sacrosanct or

a threat to our survival6 herefore, people either accept 7ithout :uestion someone@s rights to holda particular 4elief, or they feel ustified in attac5ing or even 5illing him for holding a particular

4elief6

Consider 4eliefs once considered true that science and challenging the received 7isdom have

proven false

b he earth is flat

b he sun revolves around the earth

b *omen are incapa4le of understanding politics, finance and other difficult su4ects

b *omen determine the se; of a 4a4y

HKKKK pic5 your ethnicJreligious groupM are savages, terrorists, su4-human, less intelligentM and

only understand force6I

b %nly those of no4le 4irth are fit to lead and rule

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)ou can pro4a4ly add a fe7 more from your o7n life e;periences6 he point is every single a4ove

truth@, through :uestioning, e;perimentation andJor science, eventually found itself disproved6

*hat 7as 4elieved and purported to 4e true proved false6 he perception, the received 7isdom,

7as not reality6 his illustrates the importance of constantly :uestioning and testing 4eliefs6

alsehoods, no matter ho7 strongly held, once e;posed, can initiate profound change6 he same

is true for your o7n 4eliefs a4out yourself and the impact each has on your life6

$trongly held 4eliefs inevita4ly lead to a feeling people descri4e as 5no7ing@6 o 4elieve and

5no7 are often used interchangea4ly, yet are seldom directly challenged6

%ne of ony Blair@s closest allies said the former British Prime !inister 7as confident that he had

made the HrightI decision to oin President George *6 Bush in the invasion of 'ra: 4ecause of his

religious 4eliefs6 FEM Bush himself 7as 7idely regarded as 4eing similarly motivated6 he

argument here is not 7hether the decision 7as right or 7rong, 4ut 7hether 4eliefs 7ithoutverifia4le data to support them are a sound 4asis for important decisions and actions6

"o7ever, 4ecause a 4elief feels familiar and comforting, people tend to act accordingly and are

prepared vigorously to defend their 4eliefs solely 4ecause they 4elieve them to 4e true6 his is

circular thin5ing ' 4elieve it is true it is true 4ecause ' 4elieve itM6 he result of circular thin5ing

and its variations can 4e to 4loc5 commonsensical investigation and cause untold hurt and harm6

Getting out of this mess re:uires an understanding of the cognitive process that moves

seamlessly and unnoticed from the level of e;perience to that of 4ehavior6 )ou need first to 4ea7are that e;perience some distur4ance of the nervous systemM occurs at a 7ordless pre-

linguisticM, level6 !illions of these e;periences occur every second of every day 7ithout

interrupting your state of a7areness6 %nly if the distur4ance is great enough, 7ill it 4e 4rought

into your conscious a7areness6 his level too, is pre-linguistic6

%nce you attempt to descri4e to yourself or others, 7hat it is that you are feeling, you are la4eling

your previously 7ordless e;perience according to your particular e;perience and cultural

traditions6 his is 7here pro4lems and confusion often 4egin6

he moment you la4el a su4ective e;perience, you move a7ay from direct e;perience and start

to categori<e it in a manner that is logical to you, giving it an e;istence of its o7n6 By nominali<ing

your fear, anger, love etc6, you reinforce the idea that each e;ists as an independent o4ect or

thing6



he ne;t step is ascri4ing meaning or a conse:uence to your chosen 7ords6 )ou thin5, Hhis is

4ad6 "ere ' go again6 ' ust cannot control myself6I

'f it is a good feeling, you might thin5, H%h, this is great6 ' hope this lasts6I

%r should pessimism intrude, H' do not trust this6 ' 5no7 it 7ill go a7ay and '@ll feel 4ad all over

again6I

'f you as5 anyone to e;plain their feelings of happiness, depression, love and so on, they tend to

add yet another layer of 7ords6 his is inference or evaluation6 hey overlay their core e;perience

7ith 7ords that are commonly udgmental or self-deprecating6

or e;ample

H' feel this 7ay and it is 4adI

H' 5eep losing my temper and it is 7rongI

H'@ve 4een diagnosed as having depression and that means ' am sic5I

H' sometimes thin5 ' see things that are not there, therefore ' am going cra<yI6

Notice ho7 the further you move do7n the ladder of reasoning, the greater the inference and the

further you are from your pure e;perience6

(s5ing someone to try to e;plain 7hy he or she is feeling do7n often further complicates the

situation, since negative thoughts and people are seldom short of theseM can feed 4ac5 to the

level a4ove and intensify the un7anted e;perience6 his looping of negativity or unresourceful

self-tal5 is characteristic of depressive conditions6 he person feels 4ad tal5ing a4out it to

himself or other peopleM increases the unpleasant feeling, 7hich prompts him to thin5 or spea5

a4out it more, 7hich ma5es him feel 7orse, and so he finds ne7 7ords to descri4e his e;perience= and he continues spiraling even deeper do7n into despondency, 7ith no end in sight6

Consider this chain of events and ho7 your inferences affect it6



'magine having stomach pain and it fails to respond to (l5a-$elt<er ]6 he thought occurs to you

that your father and one of his 4rothers suffered from stomach ulcers6 $imply remem4ering their

suffering causes your o7n stomach churn and the pain to 7orsen6 hen, that 7ord, Cancer@,

comes to mind suddenly you feel even 7orse6 (fter a 7hile, you go to your doctor 7ho says you

have 'rrita4le Bo7el $yndrome 'B$M, and 7ill need to ta5e certain drugs to help you cope 7ith

your pro4lem6 )ou 4egin to notice that you have some degree of discomfort most of the time6 his

ma5es sense 4ecause no7 you have a diagnosis to 4ac5 it up6 )ou have Ha conditionI, 4ut, of

course, you do not 7ant friends and colleagues to 5no76 't is a 7ea5ness that you have to hide =

he first part of the chain of events is simply a sensation of discomfort in your stomach that you

identify as pain@6 hin5 of this as e;perience and o4servation6

'nference 3

*hen it fails to respond to ta5ing an antacid, due to e;periences 7ithin your past, you thin5 that it

might 4e a stomach ulcer6

'nference 1

he pain 7orsens6 )ou entertain the thought that it might 4e cancer, an;iety increases and the

pain gets even 7orse6

'nference

)our doctor diagnoses 'rrita4le Bo7el $yndrome, a condition heavily advertised 4y a

pharmaceutical manufacturer that you have read a4out6 )ou 4egin to notice that your digestive

system is not al7ays comforta4le, lending credence to his diagnosis6

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(s you process each of your evaluations, you are li5ely to e;perience greater stress6 his loops

4ac5 to the original e;perience the feeling of some discomfort in your stomachM and, in all

li5elihood, the feeling of not-:uite-rightness increases, triggering ne7 evaluations e6g6, it is

getting 7orseM, and you drop even deeper into dysfunction and despair6



No7 suppose you read someone@s evaluation on the 'nternet that says 'B$ is incura4le and that

you@ll have it for life6

*hat are you feeling no7A

he 7ords inference and evaluation are similar in meaning to assumption, interpretation,

conecture, appraisal, udgment, estimation and assessment6 "o7ever elegant the inference or

evaluation, though, 7e need to remind ourselves that it is never the same as the e;perience or

the 7ordless o4servation of the original event6

)our pro4lem 4ecomes more complicated 7hen you try to e;plain 7hat you are feeling to

someone else6 #ven if this person replies 7ith, H%h, yes?' 5no7 e;actly 7hat you are feelingI, he

cannot and is not6 'n a 7orld 7here 7ords function as the primary currency, this is a difficultconcept to accept the concept that 7hatever you say a thing is, it is never 7hat it actually is6

"o7ever, in order to resolve pro4lems, to progress and prosper, this is e;actly the concept

everyone must accept6

#;periences occur 7ithout 7ords6 he first stirring of something that is different from the fall4ac5

state of our nervous system is a fact 4ut it doesn@t yet have a description or a diagnosis6

*hatever it is, it ust is6 *e can e;perience 7ithout using language6 o some degree, 7e can

even o4serve 7hat 7e e;perience 7ithout using language6 "o7ever, the moment 7e 4egin to

descri4e or comment on 7hat is happening, either to ourselves or to someone else, 7e 4egin toremove portions of the process of the e;perience and replace it 7ith content6 his ne7 content is

li5ely to 4e speculative 7e 4egin to use different parts of the 4rain = and not necessarily the

parts 4est e:uipped to solve the pro4lem6

he value of su4-modalities is that they occur at a level some7here 4et7een the a7areness of an

e;perience and the inferences and evaluations 7e ma5e a4out that event6 't is impossi4le to tal5

a4out su4ective e;perience in its purest form e;periencing it is all 7e can do6 But, noticing the

:ualities of the e;perience 4efore 7e start identifying and categori<ing gives us sensory-4ased

data far closer to the reality of the e;perience?and are therefore more conducive to change6

Beliefs, 7hich represent a part of your mental maps, are entirely different than verifia4le data6

Neither is 4etter or 7orse than the other6 *hat is important is that you can distinguish accurately

4et7een the t7o6



George Patton, the legendary >$ general, recalls in his memoirs coming across an armored

division on a road near the rench to7n of Coutances during the $econd *orld *ar6

he men told him they had not crossed the $ienne 4ecause they 7ere studying a map of the

terrain 4ut had not yet found a place 7here the river could 4e forded6

Patton told the men that he had ust 7aded across, that the 7ater 7as no more than t7o feet

deep and the area 7as poorly defended 4y only one, very inaccurately fired, machine gun6

"e repeated the apanese prover4, H%ne loo5 is 7orth 300 reportsI, and then proceeded to lay

into the men for their failure to investigate personally6 he lesson, he o4served drily, 7as :uic5ly

learned, and from then on they 7ere Ha very great divisionI6 FFM

(s Patton helped his men understand the :uality of a map and 7hether 7e use itM 7ill affect ho77e feel a4out the e;perience and ho7 7e respond to it6 his then, can directly impact the original

e;perience for 4etter or 7orse6 Direct e;perience, ho7ever, usually trumps the 4est-dra7n map6

Learning to loo5 for yourself, as Patton urged, to use your senses sensory acuityM effectively to

gather information, assists in inoculating you against stupid and dangerous udgments6 'n other

7ords, a7areness is a 7ay to prevent your 4rain from acting on 7hat has gone 4efore6 Being a4le

to distinguish evaluation from e;perience and o4served fact is a po7erful tool6 't is an essential

tool, a tool used intuitively 4y people accustomed to Being "appy6

hese concepts may seem a4stract and confusing6 Do not 7orry if they do not ma5e sense yet6

hey 7ill6 "ang in there6 )ou are learning6 't may feel a little 7eird right no76

Remem4er the story at the 4eginning of this 4oo5 7here Dr ippu told his doctor, H' am not

denying the seriousness of my situation ' am ust denying that ' cannot get 4etter6I

ippu declined to accept the assumption that he could not or 7ould not recover 4ased upon the

evaluation or the perceived seriousness of his condition6 Rather he sidestepped the suggestion

and inserted a suggestion of his o7n6 "is 4rain decided that getting 4etter@ 7as a possi4ility thathe 7as not prepared to give up6 'n doing so, he opened himself to an entirely ne7 range of

responses and 4ehaviors, each orientated to7ards healing and health rather than fate or defeat6

he first step in freeing yourself from the tyranny of destructive criticism 7hether it comes from

other people or is self-generatedM is to 4e a4le to distinguish 4et7een a verifia4le fact and an



inference or evaluation6 't is a ne7 s5ill and may seem a little challenging at first, 4ut 7e@ll 7al5

you through it6 %nce you develop this s5ill, you 7ill recogni<e your ver4al maps as second-hand

maps6 'f they fail ade:uately to represent the territory, they 7ill have poor predicta4ility and limited

or detrimental effects6 )ou 7ill simply discard these 4ad maps and replace them 7ith good ones6

Let us start to develop that s5ill right no7 4y loo5ing at some of the differences 4et7een fact and

inference or evaluation6

FACTS 5ERSUS INFERENCESE5ALUATIONS

he follo7ing summary lists a fe7 differences6

FACTS do not go 4eyond your o7n o4servation

INFERENCESE5ALUATIONS go 4eyond personal o4servation6

FACTS are sensory-4ased 7hat you can see, hear, touch, taste, smell for yourselfM

INFERENCESE5ALUATIONS tend to have limited sensory-4ased information6

FACTS are verifia4le?that is, 7ould 4e su4stantiated 4y any reasona4le 7itness

INFERENCESE5ALUATIONS are not verifia4le, 4ut are accepted on faith6

FACTS are usually repeata4le that is, testa4leM

'N#R#NC#$J#+(L>('%N$ are not testa4le

FACTS are either a4out the past or e;ist in present e;perience

INFERENCESE5ALUATIONS are a4out the future, 7hich is often e;trapolated from the past




( short-cut to distinguishing facts from inferences is to as5 7hether any sensi4le, independent

eye7itness 7ould agree 7ith your statement6 or e;ample the statement, H"e@s spea5ing louder

than the person he@s 7ithI is factual6 H"e@s shouting 4ecause he@s angryI is not6

Granted, he could 4e angry6 But he might e:ually 4e hard of hearing and need to spea5 loudly in

order to hear his o7n voice6 "e could also 4e posturing, trying to dra7 attention to the

conversation, 4e attempting to dro7n out the 7oman 7ith the high piercing voice 4ehind him, or

may4e he@s drun56 he fact is you do not 5no7 w"y the inferenceM he is spea5ing loudly6 )ou

only 5no7 the fact of the matter6 "e@s spea5ing louder than the person he is 7ith6 act versus

inference and evaluation there@s a signif icant difference6

he follo7ing e;ercise is challenging, 4ut is 7orth repeating from time to time6 't 7ill sharpen your

s5ills and it re:uires t7o to three people6

E.ERCISE !!:

THE 5IDEOCA0 ATTERN

Distinguishing act from 'nference

36 $it opposite your partner 7hile a third person if availa4leM acts as o4serverJudge6

hin5 of yourself as a video camera6 )ou can record and play 4ac5 anything you see or hear, 4ut

cannot register internal feelings or ma5e udgments6

16 Loo5 at your partner6 !a5e ten to t7enty factual statements a4out your partner 4ased on 7hat

you see, smell, hear, taste or touch6

#ither your partner or the o4server can o4ect if you include inferences or feelingsJemotions6 a5e

great care 7ith this6

H)ou are 7earing a shirtI is accepta4le6



H)ou are 7earing a nice shirtI is not6

6 No7 comment on ten to t7enty things a4out your partner that are unverifia4le, 4ut that you

thin5 might 4e true6

#ither your partner or the udge can disagree6

26 Continue until you, your partner and the udge are comforta4le that you can easily tell the

difference 4et7een each category of statement6

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B(C9 % %P

HO4 TO 0O5E BE/OND LI0ITATIONS

houghts and 4eliefs that can limit you have a 7ay of suddenly materiali<ing from the depths of

your unconscious6 he speed and regularity at 7hich this happens leads many people to 4elieve

they are po7erless to resist6 his is far from true6 Part of learning ho7 to ta5e charge of your life

lies in catching an unresourceful, unproductive or damaging thought or 4elief early 7hile 5no7ing

ho7 to respond6

#X(!PL#

Unpro12cti;e tho2ght H' am so depressed today6I

(void inviting unsu4stantiated 4eliefs 4y as5ing :uestions of yourself, such as, H*hy do ' feel this

7ayAI his 7ill only lead to further inference and a4straction in the form of speculation after

speculation, deepening the pain and despair6

CHAN+IN+ AN UNRODUCTI5E THOU+HT INTO A RESOURCEFUL ,UESTION

"o7 do ' 5no7 ' am depressedA

*hat has happened factsM to let me 5no7 ' feel this 7ayA



"o7 could ' teach someone else processM to get this result 4y doing 7hat ' am doingA

'n order to ans7er these :uestions, you must use your senses6 he information you are see5ing

must 4e grounded and easily understood 4y an impartial o4server6 't is not accepta4le to add

further levels of inference and evaluation, such as, H' feel 4adI or Hit is scaryI6

't is accepta4le to say, Z*hen ' am depressed it seems as though a heavy grey cloud is hanging

over me and ' cannot see my 7ay through to the future6 his gives me a cold, empty feeling in the

pit of my stomach6I

*hile 7e are a7are that internally e;perienced grey clouds and cold, empty feelings cannot 4e

seen 4y an impartial o4server, these descriptions are closer to fact than feeling H4adI and

something 4eing scary@6 Cold and empty are fairly specific descriptions, derived from your senses

and they occur fairly close to the actual e;perience6 Bad and scary are vague and open tointerpretation, and occur further do7n the chain of evaluation6

actual 7ords and phrases reveal more than inferences and evaluations a4out ho7 you create or

structure the e;perience of Hdepress-ing I6 (ccording to the factual statement a4ove, you 7ould

first need to create the heaviness, color and impenetra4ility of a cloud, follo7ed 4y a sensation

5no7n to you as cold and empty, in order to 5no7 you are having the e;perience you la4el as

depression6

Challenging the verifia4ility of a 4elief is one thing6 't is another to 4e a4le to e;change anunresourceful 4elief for one that@s more useful6 e7 people have the a4ility to move from the first

state to the second in a single leap6 he gap 4et7een the t7o is often too 7ide6 Doing so via a

transitional step, such as indifference, proves a lot easier6

E.ERCISE !":

CHAN+IN+ AN UNRESOURCEFUL BELIEF

36 'dentify a 4elief a4out yourself or your capa4ilities that you 7ould li5e to change6



$ay the 4elief aloud6 or e;ample, H' get too stressed at 7or56I

16 (s5 yourself, Z"o7 do ' 5no7 thisAZ and Z*hat happens inside me 7hen ' get too stressedAZ

*rite do7n your ans7ers, using sensory-4ased 7ords and phrases6 Call this state (6

6 No7, as5 yourself, Z"o7 7ould ' li5e to 4e instead of too stressed at 7or5AI

his is a4out your ideal6 "o7 7ould ' li5e to 4ehave or respondA *hat 7ould 4e different and

4etterA *rite it do7n6 Be specific6 *hat 7ill you 4e seeing, hearing and feeling in your preferred

stateA Rather than having Zno stressZ, thin5 in terms of coping easily and elegantly 7ithchallenge6 Create as rich and internal representation of the state as possi4le, paying special

attention to ho7 you@ll 4e feeling 7hen you access it6 (ttach to this a descriptive 7ord or

affirmative sentence, such as, Z' cope easily and creatively 7ith all challenges6Z Call this state C6

26 a5e a little time no7 to identify or create an intermediate state some7here 4et7een 4eing

stressed (M and your preferred state or response CM6

'f the characteristics of this intermediate state are vague or am4iguous, it may help to mentallyplace yourself in a situation that is fairly demanding 4ut to 7hich you have either a mild or an

indifferent response - say, a horror movie that engages your attention, 4ut is never really fully

4elieva4le6 %nce again, descri4e this on paper, using rich, sensory-4ased information6 Call this

state BM6

E6 Ne;t, mentally step into your situation (M6 or the last time, feel 7hat Htoo stressedI is to you6

Notice ho7 your heart 4eats for your pulse races, ho7 your stomach churns, ho7 your 4reathing4ecomes fast and shallo76 (t the same time, imagine you are pulling 4ac5 as if inside a giant

slingshot, really amplifying the feeling of tension, getting ready to let go6

F6 (iming at the state you have la4eled BM, count ;+<+=6 %n the count of , let go6



eel yourself lurch for7ard at light speed, hear the 7hoosh of the air rushing past your ears as

you roc5et, first, into BM, then 4ounce off at t7ice the speed to7ards and into CM6

.6 inally, fully immerse yourself in all the :ualities you identified in your preferred state6

$ee this situation through the eyes of someone 7ho is actually there6 eel 7hat they are feeling

hear 7hat they are hearing, including 7hatever self-tal5 you can invent that 7ill help develop the

richness of your e;perience6 (mplify all the details to the point 7here you respond e;actly as you

7ant to and achieve 7hat you desire6 )ou identified the optimal outcome at the 4eginning of this

e;ercise6 No7 e;perience yourself achieving it6

a5e a deep 4reath and allo7 the changes to flo7 through every organ, every system, and everycell of your 4ody6 hese changes are no7 a part of you, something you o7n, in the same 7ay

that you o7n your shoes or the color of your eyes6

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B(C9 % %P

B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R ma5e a list of your most strongly held

4eliefs and opinions6 $u4ect each to the relia4le 7itness@ test descri4ed in the +ideocame;ercise6 (s5 yourself if several relia4le o4servers 7ould come to the same opinion as you,

should they o4serve dispassionately6 or e;ample, 7hen your mother punished you repeatedly

as a child, 7as she 4eing a4usive, 7as she trying to prevent you from 4ehaving inappropriately in

later life = or, 7as she simply span5ing you and sending you to your roomA

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REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER FI5E

FE6 httpJJ7776telegraph6co6u5Jne7sJne7stopicsJreligionJE.E1EJony-Blair-4elieved-God-

7anted-him-to-go-to-7ar-to-fight-evil-claims-his-mentor6html

FF6 Patton, General George $6 32.M *ar (s ' 9ne7 't6 Boston "oughton !ifflin Company

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B(C9 % %P

CHATER SI.: THE USE AND ABUSE OF 0E0OR/

'n this chapter

O Pro4lems 7ith P$D

O rauma 4y pro;y

O >nderstanding the Rashomon #ffect

O "o7 the helpless lose hope6

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he purpose of this chapter is to introduce the idea that you can ta5e unpleasant and distur4ing

memories and ma5e them different, 7hile not necessarily removing them from your memory

4an56 Rather, you can change them so you do not recall in such distur4ing detail6 (t the same

time, you 7ill 4e a4le to set things up so you remem4er the good stuff in greater detail6

Charlie !6 7as a classic case of Post-raumatic $tress Disorder P$DM6 $everal psychiatrists

decided he met all si; of the criteria laid do7n in he Diagnostic and $tatistical !anual of !ental

Disorders D$!-'+M, the psychotherapist@s 4i4le6 Li5e thousands of people engulfed in the horror

of the attac5 on Ne7 )or5@s *orld rade Center in 1003, he 7as left in serious emotional turmoil

and pain6

$pea5ing to mental health professionals, Charlie !6 recalled, H*henever ' sleep, ' have

nightmares a4out the planes crashing into those t7o 4uildings, those people umping from

7indo7s, the ash every7here6 *hen ' am a7a5e, ' get these flash4ac5s of it happening6 he fear

is paraly<ing6 ' feel as though ' have no control6 $ometimes ' feel as though ' am actually going to

open my eyes and find ' am really 4ac5 there at Ground ero6 ' also can@t even imagine getting

4ac5 into a plane to fly any7here6I



Listening to Charlie !@s statement immediately creates a sense of empathy6 Billions of people

7orld7ide 7atched in horror as the events unfolded in Ne7 )or5, Pennsylvania and *ashington

DC that day6 't is easy to understand ho7 living through such an event could cause nightmares6

he pro4lemA Charlie !6 7as .00 miles F000 5mM a7ay from Ground ero at the time of the

attac56 "e only 4ecame a7are of it hours after the event6 "e had no personal connection to the

attac56 None of his friends or relatives 7as involved in the disaster and Charlie !6 has never

visited Ne7 )or5 City6 )et, despite this, Charlie !6 7as diagnosed 7ith P$D and treated 7ith

anti-an;iety drugs and 4eta-4loc5ers in an effort to control his symptoms6

Charlie !6 is one of a gro7ing num4er of people 7ho are 4eing incorrectly diagnosed 7ith, and

4eing treated for, P$D6 "e is not alone6 (n e;tensive study reveals that thousands of veterans

of 'ra: and (fghanistan are given the 7rong diagnosis and treatment6 his study notes that up to

/0S of the alleged sufferers of P$D 7ere una4le to name a single trauma that could have

caused it6 F.M

Nevertheless, diagnosis and treatment of P$D continues along much the same lines in 4oth the

>nited $tates and the >nited 9ingdom, despite the fact that pressure is gro7ing for a redefinition

of the condition6 #ven Boston >niversity psychologist David Barlo7, one of the e;perts 7ho

developed the original D$! definition in 32, admits that developments in neuroscience cast

dou4t on the 7ay the condition is presently understood6

Charlie@s e;perience prompts us to as5, ho7 can an individual recall the attac5 on the *orld

rade Center so clearly that its memory is more vivid than the memory of an event the persone;perienced at first hand, such as the 4irth of a childA *hy should an individual 4e a4le to recall

almost every detail a4out 7here she 7as 7hen she heard the ne7s of the 7in o7ers attac5, or

Princess Diana@s death, even if she 7as no7here near Ne7 )or5 or Paris at the timeA

't is pretty clear that there is strong survival value in 4eing a4le to remem4er and fear events that

could threaten your life6 he t7in emotions of sudden shoc5 and fear create an imprint of the

horrific event6 his response, called flash4ul4 memory 4y psychologists, is not confined to events

of national or international importance6 $hoc5 and surprise can not only imprint memories of a

specific incident, 4ut also of events immediately 4efore and after7ards6 )our 4rain does not ta5echances6

'n one study, researchers found that pictures of ordinary o4ects in e;traordinary com4inations,

such as the head of a plum4er@s 7rench fi;ed on a sheep@s 4ody, also created vivid and lasting

memories6 F/M (nother study used images of sna5es to shoc5 and surprise students 7ho 7ere



studying online6 'n tests administered immediately after7ards, the students 7ho 7ere surprised

averaged 1/S 4etter mar5s than those in a control group 7ho 7ere not surprised6 he memories

7ere also enhanced for the parts of the learning modules immediately 4efore and after the

surprise event6 FM

!aor ne7s events such as the attac5s of $eptem4er 33, 1003 have 4een sho7n 4y a maor

British survey to 4e remem4ered in photographic detail 4y /1S of the people surveyed, 7hereas

only FES of them could as vividly remem4er the 4irth of a first child6 he survey found that /3S

of participants remem4ered 7ho told them a4out the attac5s on the 7in o7ers /2S

remem4ered 7hat time it 7as 7hen they heard the ne7s 1S recalled e;actly 7here they 7ere

at the time, and .3S remem4ered 7hat they 7ere doing at the time6 he researchers descri4ed

the level of recollection as He;traordinaryI, especially considering the survey 7as carried out

nearly a decade after the event6 .0M

ime does little to e;tinguish these emotion-laden memories6 !ore than 2E years after the

assassination of ohn 9ennedy, half of the people old enough to remem4er the tragedy 7ere

a4le to recall 7here they 7ere and 7hat they 7ere doing 7hen they heard the ne7s6 .3M 't

should come as no surprise that personal shoc5 and tragedy are even more li5ely to 4e imprinted6

'n fact, so protective is this mechanism that some people 7ill generali<e out a specific incident

into a group of 4roadly similar situations, presuma4ly to improve the person@s defenses6

"ere@s ho7 it 7or5s6 ( person develops a fear of flying after a particularly 4umpy flight6 Later this

same person e;tends the fear response to trains, cars, elevators and any other confined spaceinvolving movement6 'n this e;ample, all confined, moving o4ects 4ecome the catalysts of fear6

(gorapho4ia, the fear of open or pu4lic spaces is an e;ample of another over-generali<ation6 his

condition leads the person to 4elieve that everything outside his or her home is a potential threat6

Because of this fear, a person 7ith agorapho4ia decides it is safer to stay home6

>sually, these processes occur su4consciously6 Parts of your 4rain, especially the prefrontal

corte;, continually scan the environment, 4oth e;ternal and internal6 hroughout this process your

4rain interprets 4illions of 4its of data and decides 7hether to respond or not6

"eightened stress, the tendency of your 4rain to fall 4ac5 on patterns it already 5no7s, and the

generali<ed nature of an imprint can pattern-match something that is happening no7 to

something that happened in the distant past, even 7ithout you noticing it consciously6 his



and repeatedly6 (dd to this the discovery that most people respond more po7erfully to associated

e;periences that is e;periencing a scenario as if they are actually thereM than to dissociated

events or memories 7here they see themselves, as if on a screen or in a picture6

)our 4rain@s astonishing a4ility to remem4er e;traordinary events, either from a single traumatic

e;posure or through e;tended repetition, is a dou4le-edged s7ord6 *hile it sho7s us the 7ay to

ma5e learning ne7 s5ills easier and more dura4le, it also suggests that some imprints,

particularly those that are driven 4y fear, may 4e more difficult to dislodge6 ear is po7erful6

!ar5eting e;perts and those programming e;ecutives 5no7 this 7ell6 (nyone 7ho has studied

mar5eting or communications learns that four of the most po7erful appeals in advertising and

pu4lic relations are 3M ear 1M Guilt M Curiosity and 2M "umor6

#mploy any of these, add repetition and you greatly increase the chance the message, image or

idea entrenching in a person@s 4rain6 he principle 7or5s the same 7ith ne7s stories and otherforms of communication6

he effect of negative hypnosis via the media is something you can mitigate right no7 through a

fe7 simple changes6 *hat you focus on late at night tends to continue to run in your 4rain as you

sleep and dream6 Note ho7 programming, ideas or information is pitched to you and choose your

end-of-day images and e;periences carefully6 Limit the num4er of ne7scasts you 7atch and

avoid 7atching these or any other distur4ing programs ust 4efore you sleep6 Being informed is

one thing 4eing 4rain-7ashed is another6

AETITI5E CONDITIONIN+ A5ERSI5E CONDITIONIN+

Neuroscience has confirmed that all fears, 7ith the e;ception of the fear of falling and the fear of

loud noises, are learned6 hrough neuroscience, 7e can also 4egin to understand ho7 7e learn

our other fears6

(ll living organisms move a7ay from to;ins and other life-threatening conditions6 his is 5no7n asaversive conditioning6 Yuite literally, the smallest single-cell organism learns ho7 to survive 4y

avoiding threats6 'van Pavlov, the pioneering psychologist 7ho trained his dogs to salivate at the

sound of the 4ell, vividly demonstrated another form of conditioning through the pairing of t7o

stimuli, one unconditioned such as the sound of a 4ellM and the other conditioned, such as food

7hich causes salivationM6



Pavlov demonstrated that, after a num4er of repetitions, simply ringing a 4ell could cause his

dogs to salivate even if they 7eren@t given food6 $ince the effect 7as lin5ed to the desire for

something in this case foodM he called this appetitive conditioning6 't is appetitive conditioning

that leads you to the supermar5et to 4uy mil5 or 4read, or to approach a partner or spouse in a

particular 7ay 7hen you are hoping for se;6 't is aversive conditioning that causes you to retch

7hen confronted 7ith a food that once made you ill, or to avoid the person 7ho humiliated us

7hen you as5ed for a date6

>nfortunately, conditioning is not al7ays so predicta4le6 Later research into the function of the

amygdala, the part of your 4rain that acts as a portal to your fearJmemory matri;, has sho7n that

the 4rain may come to acclimati<e to, and even prefer, certain stimuli related to fear or shoc5, a

response that can last for a surprisingly long time6 .M

%ne of the more 7orrying aspects of fear conditioning is that it does not seem to re:uiresu4stantial repetition in order to loc5 it into place6 'n the early days of NLP researchers noticed

some pho4ias 7ere clear e;amples of one-pass learning6 'n many cases it re:uired a single

terrifying e;perience for the person to 4ecome pho4ic a4out any one of a num4er of triggers6

Pho4ias are uni:ue in the realm of psychological pro4lems for the simple reason that the sufferer

never forgets to have the pho4ic response6 'n fact, e;treme pho4ias can 4e triggered 4y simply

tal5ing a4out the feared o4ect, or even 4y a picture6 *e recall one client 7ith an acute pho4ia of

sna5es6 "er fear 7as so strong she could not even loo5 at the 7ord 7ritten do7n on a piece of

paper6 $he could only tolerate the letters $-N-(-9-# they 7ere 7ritten do7n and scram4led6

his leads us to the :uestion can conditioned fear 4e reversed or undoneA

o anyone proficient in NLP principles and techni:ues, this :uestion presents no real pro4lem6

he definition of a condition is not the condition itself6 Nor is it necessary that there 4e agreement

as to 7hy the condition should develop among some people and not among others, even though

they might share the same e;periences6 $ince NLP is a4out the ho7, rather than the 7hy, 7hat

each sufferer is doing that causes him or her to respond in an unresourceful 7ay is 7hat is really

important6

Charlie !6, 7ho 7e profiled earlier, is not alone6 *e have 4een approached 4y many people 7ho

developed an;iety disorders and pho4ias in the 7a5e of $eptem4er 33, 1003, even though they

7ere not directly involved6 he common factor is all of them 7atched in horror, hour after hour of

television ne7s coverage of the events in Ne7 )or5 City6 he same iconic images of aircrafts,



collapsing 4uildings, dust, smo5e and people leaping to their death 7ere played over and over

again6 Yuite literally, their neurology 4egan to respond as if they 7ere actually at Ground ero

7hen the attac5 occurred6

*e do not see the e;periences of Charlie !6 and others li5e him as a psychiatric issue, nor do 7e

see it as a condition re:uiring some po7erful psychotropic drug6 rue, some researchers are

promoting the idea of a Hmemory-cleansingI drug that 7ill dissolve the sheath around the

amygdala 7here fearful memories are stored6 .2M 't is a drastic step and 7e do not thin5 drugs

are needed6 Rather, 7e regard the responses of Charlie !6 and others as a result of a simple

error in coding6 he protective fight-flight response 4egins to prompt the person to move a7ay

from a perceived threat6 he symptoms of P$D flash4ac5s, upsetting dreams, emotional

num4ness, self-destructive 4ehavior etc=M can all 4e classified as Hmove a7ayI or HflightI

messages6 he fact that this particular threat only e;ists on a flat-screen television ma5es it

difficult for people li5e Charlie !6 to respond6

THE RASHO0ON EFFECT

Charlie !@s e;perience demonstrates that memory, li5e nostalgia, is not 7hat it used to 4eTor at

least 7hat psychologists thought it 7as6 *e have 5no7n for a long time that memories can 4e

em4ellished6 %ur tendency to superimpose 7ishful thin5ing or a more logical storyline on past

events 7ea5ens the authenticity of 7hat actually happened6 (s any e;perienced hypnotist 5no7s,the 7ay :uestions are structured can alter someone@s memories and influence future 4eliefs and

4ehaviors6

Despite all the advances in neurosciences it is still 7idely accepted that the traces etched into the

fa4ric of our long-term memory are more or less sta4le6 reatment, conventional 7isdom

contends, is simply a matter of correctly accessing the 4rain@s archival system in order to

esta4lish 7hat HreallyI happened6

>nfortunately, the accepted theory is not true6 Recent research sho7s that each time you accessa memory, you effectively de-sta4ili<e it6 (nd, 7hen you return it to you mental hard-drive, it is

someho7 changed6 his is the 4asis of the Rashomon #ffect, named after the iconic film directed

4y (5ira 9urosa7a, in 7hich four eye-7itnesses to a crime recall it in entirely contradictory 7ays6

.EM



ERASIN+ 0E0ORIES

Researchers 9ari Nader and oseph Limou; call this phenomenon HreconsolidationI6 o prove

their hypothesis, the researchers installed pho4ias in a group of rats 4y giving each an electric

shoc5 every time they sa7 their training cage, causing the rats to free<e each time they sa7 thecage6 #ven 7hen the rats 7ere inected 7ith a drug that 4loc5s protein synthesis traditionally

protein changes have 4een associated 7ith laying do7n memoriesM, the rats continued to free<e6

he response seemed fi;ed and permanent6 "o7ever, if the scientists reminded the rats of the

stimulus ust 4efore inecting them the memory, previously assumed to 4e permanent simply

disappeared6 .FM Based on the results, it seems important that the rats recalled the traumati<ing

incident a moment or t7o 4efore the drug 7as administered6

Needless to say, the pharmaceutical industry 7as delighted at the idea of erasing P$D, pho4ias,

psychosis and other an;iety-related pro4lems 4y simply recalling the traumati<ing material andpopping a pill6 Not everyone agrees6 $ome argue that 7ho 7e are and 7hat 7e 4ecome is the

product of ho7 7e learn to respond to life events6

his is not the f irst attempt to erase memories 4y lin5ing a memory and deli4erately disrupting the

su4ect@s 4rain function6 !ore than thirty years ago, Canadian psychiatrist Richard Ru4in 7as

claiming to 4e a4le to produce amnesia among his patients 4y having them recall traumatic

memories ust 4efore electroconvulsive shoc5 treatment6 %ne of his patients, a young 7oman

suffering from a compulsion to sta4 her mother to death, apparently forgot her urge and returned

home the ne;t day6 Before that, more than t7enty shoc5s administered 7hen the 7oman 7as

anaestheti<ed had made no impact on her compulsion6 ..M

"appily, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the techni:ues of Being "appy offer e:ually effective

and much 5inder tools than electroshoc5 treatment to achieve the same and possi4ly 4etter

result6 !anaging your memory is a core s5ill of living a positive, conscious and optimistic life6

!any people 7ho consult us 7ould li5e to remem4er things 4etter6 %thers remem4er only too

7ell6 hey have the a4ility to recall infinitely tiny details a4out the traumati<ing event6 *e have

5no7n people 7ho can pull a mental tape-measure out in their imagination and measure ho7 far

people in the memory 7ere standing apart such is the vividness of their recollections6

Pause for a moment and consider ho7 the a4ility to minimi<e the recall of distur4ing events

coupled 7ith the increased a4ility to recall of positive events could affect your life6 #ach person

reading this 7ill 4e a4le to find 7ays of using this s5ill for personal 4enefit6 'n fact, you 7ill 4e



doing very much 7hat Charlie !6 7as doing in relation to $eptem4er 33, 1003 7ith one

modification6 )ou@ll ust remem4er to pic5 good memories6

(ll 7e have to do to ma5e this possi4le is to help you create a machine that allo7s you to 4ecome

more selective and gives you freedom from the discomfort you have 4een suffering 7ithout

ma5ing you less of a person6 'n many 7ays, it 7ill ma5e you a 4etter person 4ecause the same

machine can 4e used to ma5e your memory 7or5 4etter for the things that matter6 o sho7 you

ho7 to do that, 7e@ve created the follo7ing e;ercise that comprises t7o parts6

he first part desta4ili<es a persistent negative memory the second installs and consolidates a

more appropriate response6

E.ERCISE !# ART I: THE RED SHOES ATTERN

his e;ercise ta5es its name from the pair of red shoes a client recalled at this point in one of

Richard@s Personal #nhancement seminars6 Read through this e;ercise first and ma5e sure you

understand it6 %nce you start, you do not 7ant to interrupt the process6

36 Recall a trou4ling memory

Notice 7hether the memory is life-si<e or 4igger6 Distur4ing memories are seldom, if ever,

recalled as small, indistinct images6 Notice, too, 7hether it seems as if you are actually in the

e;perience again that is, as if you are seeing things through your o7n eyesM6 Recall any sounds

you might have heard6

Note: his is a highly adapta4le pattern6 't can 4e used 7here there are a num4er of negative

e;periences6 ( 7ar veteran said he could recall Ha4out E0I traumatic e;periences and as5ed,

H*hich 4ad memory should ' pic5A Do ' have to do them allAI he ans7er is, no6 Pic5 the 7orst

e;perience, or the one that recurs most fre:uently6



16 Note the :ualities of the feeling in your 4ody relating to this memory6

Give each feeling a num4er 4et7een 3 and 306

3[comforta4le or managea4le

30[e;tremely distur4ing6

6 (s5 yourself, H*hat has this e;perience caused me to 4elieve a4out myself, the people around

me, and my 7orldAI

)our ans7er might include, Hpo7erlessI, Ha4andonedI, Hro44ed of a life or futureI6

*rite these do7n and set the list aside for use in Part 7o of this process6

26 No7, thin5 of something in your past that 7as important to you once yet no longer is6

#;amples of this could include an item of clothing red shoes perhapsAM you loved 7hen you 7ere

31 4ut 7ould not dream of 7earing no76 #ven if that thing made you shiver 7ith pleasure at the

time, 7hen you loo5 4ac5 at it no7, it no longer even seems to have 4een part of your

e;perience6 his no7 e;ists in your one of 'ndifference6

E6 Notice the differences 4et7een the image that no longer attracts you and that of your trou4lingmemory6

his image almost certainly smaller, less distinct, or, in a different location in your internal visual

field compared 7ith the first image in this e;ercise6 't may have a 4order or a defining edge you

may 4e a4le to see yourself in the image etc6 hin5 a4out it and ma5e a mental note or 7rite it

do7n6

F6 Return to the unpleasant e;perience you identified in step one, only this time start at its end, asif it is already over6

'n your mind, flatten the image as if it is on a flat screen television6 Begin to run it as a movie, 4ut

4ac57ards6 or e;ample, if you 7ere in a 4us that 4le7 up, you@d start 7ith the de4ris lying on the

ground starting to come together, all of a sudden, until the 4us is 4ac5 into one piece6 't is



important to do this really fast6 his step has nothing to do 7ith truth, meaning or logic6 't is a4out

training even tric5ingM your nervous system6 Run it again, from end to 4eginning, even faster than

4efore6

Note: *hen you run something in reverse the meaning is reversed6 Basically it un-events@ the

e;perience6 Reversing also disrupts the pattern in 7hich your neurons fire along that particular

neural path7ay6 or this reason, it is important that you never interrupt the process from the

minute you 4egin6 $econdly, do it faster and faster each time, running it 4ac57ards, seeing and

hearing everything in reverse6 $peed is important6 Do it at least ten times faster than real time6

.6 Repeat the step F, 4ut add a soundtrac5 to your reverse movie6

*e recommend circus music6 Circus music helps puts stupid ideas into perspective6

/6 No7, 7hen your sound-trac5ed re7ound movie hits the 4eginning, s7itch to your one of

'ndifference really :uic5ly6

Remem4er in $tep 2 7here you identified something you once loved 4ut no longer care a4outA 'n

your mind, ta5e the image of your un7anted e;perience and snap it :uic5ly into the location of the

e;perience, event or possession that is no longer important to you the red shoesM6 !a5e sure all

the :ualities of the un7anted image the su4-modalitiesM match those in your one of'ndifference6

6 No7, test your response to the memory6

"o7 do you feel a4out this memory no7A "o7 does your current feeling compared 7ith the

feelings you noted or 7rote do7n in $tep 1A 'f you do not feel any different, repeat the e;ercise

as many times as needed6

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B(C9 % %P



he a4ove e;ercise is the techni:ue used to help Charlie !6 recover from his version of Post

raumatic $tress Disorder6 Li5e many of the other people 7ho developed fears and pho4ias after

$eptem4er 33, his mind had 4een imprinted through the constant repetitions of the film footage

sho7ing the airplane crashing into the North o7er and 4oth to7ers collapsing6 hrough this

e;ercise, he learned to 7atch the to7ers re4uilding themselves, floor 4y floor, chun5s of concrete

and other de4ris flying up 4ac5 into their rightful place the clouds of smo5e 4eing suc5ed 4ac5

into the area, and the planes flying 4ac57ards out into the distance and disappearing6

E.ERCISE !$ ART II: RECONSOLIDATION

!any researchers 4elieve a victim@s feelings of helplessness serve to em4ed the trauma in his or

her nervous system6 Perceiving yourself as po7erless can 4e a seriously disa4ling condition,

sometimes ma5ing it nearly impossi4le for you to regard yourself as an effective or 7orthy

person6 ./M Certainly, 7e find that many people ma5e decisions and dra7 conclusions a4out

themselves and their 7orld 4ased on their negative e;periences6 hese might include feeling of

po7erlessness, inferiority and a4andonment or a 4elief that you have 4etrayed or ro44ed of the

life and future you 7ant6 .M

he second part of this e;ercise serves to resolve these issues6 (s 7ith part ', read through the

steps first and ma5e sure you understand all the steps prior to 4eginning6

ART II

)ou should no7 4e a4le to recall the trou4ling e;perience 7ith less emotional heat6 't is time to

use the list you made 4ac5 in $tep 1 of Part ' a4out the 4elief or decision you have 4een holding

a4out yourself6

36 Notice ho7 holding this 4elief has affected your life6



16 Consider specific 7ays you and your life 7ould 4e different if you held a more resourceful 4elief

a4out yourself6

6 $ee yourself already holding that 4elief6

)ou are more resourceful, :uic5er to respond, calmer in the face of e;treme stress, more li5ely to

avoid suspicious strangers etc6

26 "o7 7ould you feel in the future 7ith this response in placeA

E6 Picture yourself standing at the 4eginning of the original incident6 Breathe in and out slo7ly,

ensuring that the out-4reath is slightly longer than the in-4reath6

(s you feel a sense of calm developing, introduce the responses and feeling from the previous

steps as if you had them at the time you most needed them and run the traumatic e;perience 7ith

the ne7 4eliefs and resources in place6 Notice ho7 things 7ould have 7or5ed out differently 7ith

these 4eliefs and resources in place6 Challenge yourself = 4ut ma5e sure you triumph6

F6 'nvite your unconscious mind, no7 or sometime later, to ma5e you a7are of a valua4le lesson

the e;perience, ho7ever upsetting it has 4een, can reveal to you6

*e often find that people 7ho e;tract meaning from even the most negative e;periences recover

:uic5er than those 7ho can find no lessons learnt6 (llo7 this to float into your a7areness and

thus complete the reconsolidation e;perience6

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Note )ou may 4e a4le to amplify your resourceful response 4y running the scenario from $tep E

7hile you are engaged in some repetitive activity, such as ogging or s5ipping6 #;ercise



deli4erately stresses the system in order to prompt it to reorgani<e at a higher, more effective

level6 here is every reason to 4elieve that you can piggy4ac5 emotional health and development

on to this reorgani<ation process6

B#%R# !%+'NG %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ma5e t7o lists6

!: 0a8e a 7ist of yo2r 3e3ories that e3poer yo2> hese include the successes you had

7hen you 7ere younger, as 7ell as praise for your achievements6

1 !a5e a list of all the memories that cause you pro4lems6

his is your ne;t proect6 Create a program 7here4y you tac5le each of these difficult memories

using the e;ercises you learned in this and the preceding chapters6 Choose one or t7o a day6 'f

you 7ish, 5eep the more invasive and disruptive ones until you reach the chapter % Bringing it )

Toget"er , in Part '' of this 4oo56 )ou may also 7ish to layer other techni:ues on to the ones

a4ove to increase effectiveness as you 4ecome more proficient6

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REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER SI.

F.6 Bod5in (, Pope "G, Det5e !, "udson '6 's P$D caused 4y traumatic stressA (n;

Disord 100. 133.F?/16

F/6 !ichelon, P6, $nyder, (6 6, Buc5ner, R6 L6, !ac(voy, !6 & ac5s, 6 !6 100M6 Neural

correlates of in-congruity an f!R' study6 Neuro'mage, 3, 3F31-3F1F6

F6 9oc5 N, Chatelain-ardn, R, Carmona, 6 100/M6 (n #;perimental $tudy of $imulated *e4-

Based hreats and heir 'mpact on 9no7ledge Communication #ffectiveness, '### ransactions

on Professional Communication, E31M 3/-3.6



.06 httpJJ7776telegraph6co6u5JhealthJhealthne7sJ201/FJ!emories-of-historic-events-stonger-

than-personal-moments6html

.36 '4id6

.16 "aynes -D6 100/M6 >nconscious Decisions6 'n $cientific (merican !ind ,

(ugustJ$eptem4er6

.6 Berns G 100/M6 'n 'conoclast6 Boston !( "arvard Business Press

.26 #rlich ', "umeau ), Grenier , Ciocchi $, "erry C, Luthi (, (mygdala 'nhi4itory Circuits and

the Control of ear !emory, Neuron, +olume F1, 'ssue F, .E.-..3, 1E une 100

.E6 "eider 9G, he Rashomon #ffect *hen #thnographers Disagree, (merican (nthropologist,

!arch 3//, +ol6 0 No6 3, pp6 .-/3M6

.F6 !cCrone 6 Not so total recall6 Ne7 $cientist vol 3./ issue 1 - 0 !ay 100, page 1F

..6 '4id6

./6 +an +elsen C, Gorst->ns7orth C, urner $ 3FM6 $urvivors of torture and organi<ed

violence Demography and diagnosis6 ournal of raumatic $tress, , 3/3-/0

.6 Bre7in CR 100M6 Post raumatic $tress Disorder !alady of !yth6 Ne7 "aven & London

)ale >niversity Press

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B(C9 % %P

CHATER SE5EN: 0EANIN+6 UROSE AND

ERSE5ERANCE

'n this chapter

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/4902836/Memories-of-historic-events-stonger-than-personal-moments.html







O he magical space 7here everything can change

O *hy people give up

O $pirituality is important to your health

O #;cellence is a learna4le s5ill6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

*ar 4rings out the 7orst in many people6 'n some, it 4rings out the 4est6

DR> 5IC-TOR FRAN-L

%n a grey $eptem4er morning in 321, (ustrian psychiatrist +i5tor ran5l 7as arrested 4y the

Na<is and deported 7ith his family to heresienstadt, a notorious concentration camp set up 4y

the Germans near Prague6 During the follo7ing three years, incarcerated in the death camps of

(usch7it<, Dachau and ur5heim, ran5l lost his parents, his 4rother and his 7ife illy6 ran5l

himself survived, despite nearly succum4ing to typhoid fever during the last months of the 7ar6

Right up till the moment of li4eration, ran5l never succum4ed to despair6 "e focused on a goal6"is missionA o reconstruction of the manuscript he had 4een 7or5ing on 7hen it 7as discovered

4y his captors and destroyed6 "e 7as a7are that the li5elihood of him surviving, let alone

recreating his 4oo5 and seeing it pu4lished 7as slim6 Nevertheless, he made a conscious

decision to cling persistently to hope6 "is determination and diligence paid off6 "e survived and

the manuscript T"e Do!tor and t"e Sou , once pu4lished 4ecame his most influential 7or56

T"e Do!tor and t"e Sou 7as 7ritten on scraps of paper 7ith pencil stu4s scrounged from other

prisoners or rescued 7hen thro7n a7ay 4y his Na<i guards6 Logically ran5l had everything

going against him yet he sa7 the possi4ilities rather than the encum4rances6 *ith tenaciousresolve he completed the 4oo5 on a patch7or5 of scraps 7ith cast off lead6 >n5no7n to him at

the time the 4oo5 7as destine to 4ecome one of a series of pu4lications that 7ould roc5 the

foundations of current theories of human nature6



A 0ISSION UNFULFILLED

ran5l@s o4servations during his incarceration confirmed a theory he had 4een toying 7ith since

the age of 3F, that people 7ho loo5ed for and found a sense of meaning in their lives, those 7ho

4elieved they had a mission yet to 4e fulfilled and that they 7ere free to choose their responses to7hatever happened to them, 7ere 4est e:uipped to transcend their circumstances and flourish6

urthermore, they stuc5 doggedly to these 4eliefs, no matter ho7 terri4le their circumstances

might 4e6

'magine if a person 7ho hadn@t lived 7hat ran5l e;perienced made a suggestion as radical as

this6 "e or she 7ould have greeted 7ith derision6 ran5l 7as uni:uely :ualified6 "is life

e;perience coupled 7ith his s5ills and training reinforced his findings6 Rather than see a situation

as desperate and himself as a victim, he chose to use the situation to his advantage and there4y

made his 7or5 more po7erful6

Later, he marveled at ho7 a person could 4e stripped of all freedoms 4ut one?the a4ility to

choose one@s attitude and response to any given set of circumstances6 /0M /3M

ran5l 7as committed to the scientific method, ma5ing o4servations, creating hypotheses, testing

these hypotheses, and then re-testing them to see if the results 7ere the same6 Both during the

7ar and after7ard, ran5l@s theories chec5ed out6 "is theory 7as sound and it 7ould change the

7orld6

ran5l recalled 7atching fello7 prisoners comforting each other, giving a7ay their last scraps of

food to those they perceived as 7orse off than themselves6 $elf-sacrifice, compassion, empathy

and the uni:ue human a4ility to care=7as ran5l suggesting that denying pain and tragedy 7as

enough to help the victim overcome his situationA

ar from it6 (s a doctor of psychiatry, ran5l 7as deeply a7are of the impact such unthin5a4le

horrors could have on those 7ho had not found 7ithin themselves the physical or emotional

stamina to cope6 "e identified three reactions all prisoners e;perienced to some degree or other

3M $hoc5, in the admission phase

1M (pathy, after adusting to the reality of a life-and-death situation



M (nd, on li4eration from the nightmare, a cluster of responses, including 7hat he called

depersonali<ation, 4itterness and disillusionment6

THE 0A+ICAL SACE

Not everyone 7ho survived 7as a4le to readust6 !any spent the rest of their lives suffering from

the horrors that, in reality, had come and gone6

ran5l suffered as 7ell6 )et despite his o7n struggles coping 7ith the loss of and life 7ithout his

family, he 7as convinced that meaning can 4e found in each moment of l iving, even amidst

appalling suffering and loss6 "e reali<ed that the 7ay out of victimhood 7as to accept that change

7as 4oth possi4le and necessary if life of any :uality 7as to go on6

ran5l credited much of his o7n survival to identifying this magical space, that is mentally finding

and stic5ing 7ith a purpose and a 4elief in a compelling future6 he choosing of a mission, in his

case the reconstruction of his manuscript coupled 7ith his 4elief that he had not yet completed

his life@s 7or5, provided him a 4ul7ar5 against the insanity around him and a path7ay out6 his

reinforced his 4elief that one of the most important :ualities of survival and transformation is an

individual@s 4elief in a compelling future6 *ithout that, he stated a prisoner 7as doomed6

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN

$ome years later, !aor *illiam # !ayer, a man 7ho 7ould later 4ecome the >$ (rmy@s chief

psychiatrist, pu4lished a study giving a completely different picture of the impact of incarceration6

!ayer studied 3,000 prisoners of 7ar P%*M 7ho had 4een imprisoned in a North 9orean camp6

'ntriguingly, the camp he studied 7as considered one of the softer@ P%* camps6 >nli5e other

detention centers, the prisoners in this camp 7ere not tortured, starved or su4ect to overtemotional a4use6 No armed guards surrounded the camp and the perimeter 7as entirely devoid

of 4ar4ed 7ire6

'n this prison many of the captive soldiers allied themselves 7ith their North 9orean captors,

turning against each other 7ithout any discerni4le re7ards6 he death rate 7as /S the average

is 1ESM and represented the highest in >$ P%* history6 "alf of these died from no particular



cause6 hey had simply given up6 Perhaps the most surprising aspect, given the minimal security

and high mortality, is not a single prisoner tried to escape6

he response in this camp so distinctive, !ayer gave the syndrome a medical la4el mirasmus@,

meaning a lac5 of resistance a passivity6 >nli5e ran5l@s survivors, the P%* camp prisoners

failed to assign either meaning or mission to their situation6 hey failed to choose their response6

rom the North 9oreans@ point of vie7, this 7as no accident6 heir 5no7ledge of the psychology

of influence and manipulation 7ere vastly more advanced than that of their (merican enemies6

>sing ust four simple tools

3M #ncouraging prisoners to inform on their comrades

1M orcing them to critici<e themselves

M "aving them deny loyalty to their country of 4irth

2M *ithholding positive emotional support6

he North 9orean captors triggered a 4rea5do7n in all the processes that other7ise 7ould have

helped the prisoners to survive6 actics the North 9orean@s used included re7arding informants

7ith candy and cigarettes, 7hile not punishing the person 4eing informed on6 $lo7ly and

surreptitiously the captors undermined the soldiers@ commitment to their country and theirleadership thus causing them to reect all attempts 4y officers to create sta4ility and discipline6

he North 9oreans made sure only depressing ne7s and letters 7ere delivered from home6 he

prisoners 7ere even given unpaid 4ills that had 4een for7arded from their residences in the

>nited $tates6 he final shreds of self-7orth and integrity 7ere effectively removed 4y a

techni:ue still routinely used 4y many psychologists and psychiatrists 7ho are allegedly helping

their clients6 oday 7e call it group therapy6

he North 9oreans held regular sessions in 7hich all participants 7ere encouraged to spea5 out

a4out their psychological pro4lems and failings6 hey 7ere pushed to confess everything 4adthey@d ever done, and all the positive intentions they@d had, 4ut had failed to put into effect6 he

North 9oreans 5ne7 something of 7hich many modern counselors and therapists are still

una7are the more people focus on and e;press their negative thoughts, feelings and opinions,

the 7orse their physical and emotional health 4ecomes6 /1M



CHOICE0ISSIONBELIEF0EANIN+

hese are 7ords that might seem a4stract and remote to everyday life, yet in our o7n

e;perience, as 7ell as in research in fields such as 4usiness, sport and health, the happiest and

most successful people cultivate and cherish precisely these :ualities6

+arious studies have sho7n that meaning and hope can 4e more accurate predictors of longevity

than doing all the right things@, such as :uitting smo5ing, drin5ing moderately, ta5ing regular

e;ercise, and eating plenty of vegeta4les and fruit6 /M he 4eliefs and e;pectations you hold

a4out yourself, your situation and the 7orld you@re in, can decide 7hether you succeed or fail at a

specific tas5 as 7ell as ho7 you react to therapy or medication 7hether or not you respond to

drugs as po7erful as morphine6 /2M

ChoiceT!issionTBeliefT!eaning

Pro4a4ly the most important :uality in the list a4ove is meaning, 7hich is having something or

someone you regard as contri4uting to your life6 ( clear sense of meaning tends to increase our

a4ility to reach higher and achieve more than 7e often suspect is possi4le6 his happens on 4oth

a conscious and an unconscious level due to the sorting mechanism in the 4rain 5no7n as the

6eti!uar )!ti(ating System R($M6

RETICULAR ACTI5ATIN+ S/STE0

!ost of us are familiar 7ith the e;perience of deciding to 4uy a ne7 car6 (musing isn@t it that once

you decided upon a model, suddenly you seem to see that model every7here you goA (s

another e;ample, consider ho7 after hearing a ne7 7ord or song for the first time, you start

hearing it again and again6 his is your Reticular (ctivating $ystem at 7or56 't can 7or5 for you or

against you depending ho7 you prime it6

>nfortunately, many people are more accustomed to negatively rather than positively priming the

R($6 Perhaps you are one6 #;amples of this can 4e repeatedly telling yourself or a group

therapy sessionM a4out your 4ad childhood, or 7hat a failure you are6 >sing past issues such as

lac5 of education, drug addiction or incarceration to create e;cuses may generate temporary

sympathy or attention, 4ut, long-term focusing on past pro4lems is li5ely to 5eep you lodged in



pain, or even create the very outcome you hate and fear6 't 4ecomes a self-fulfilling prophecy,

arresting progress and shac5ling you to the prison e;isting solely in your mind6 )our fears are the

guards your negativity the 4ar4ed 7ire6 he good ne7s is 4y choosing a mission of Being "appy,

you !an 7al5 out of that prison today6


't has already 4een clearly demonstrated that the attitude and actions of health professionals

have the po7er to influence that progression and outcome of a patient@s illness, in 7ays that have

little or nothing to do 7ith the physical treatment used6 /EM *hat 7e have learned from these

practitioners and from our o7n relationships, especially from our clients, fully supports the

premise of this 4oo56 Rather than chasing after happiness in the form of the right person, a 4etter

o4 or a ne7 car, you can identify ho7 to feel good, decide 7here and 7hen you 7ant this to

happen in your life6 )ou can e;ercise your po7er to choose your responses to any situation youmay encounter6 Being "appy is ust such a process6


ortunately, 7e don@t have to 4ecome a prisoner of 7ar in order to learn a4out Being "appy6

unctioning in a state of daily 7ell-4eing is 4oth art and science6 Despite mounting evidence that

improving 7ell-4eing is easier and more cost-effective than trying to fi; people 7hen they go

7rong, it@s still highly unli5ely that anyone in *estern mainstream psychology or healthcare is

ready to ac5no7ledge the fact, much less devote important ta; dollars to improving it6 he initialprofit motive ust isn@t there6 But that@s in the *est6 't@s an entirely different story in apan6

I-I+AI

'5igai pronoun!ed ee5-e--aye@M is a apanese 7ord 7ithout an #nglish e:uivalent6 't is often

translated as @su4ective 7ell-4eing6 'n practice it refers to a num4er of :ualities, including

purpose, meaning, and a oyful or 7elcoming attitude to life6 "igh i5igai is associated 7ith healthand longevity lo7 i5igai 7ith disease and reduced life e;pectancy6

( seminal study conducted in 32 and recently pu4lished surveyed tens of thousands of

apanese 4et7een the ages of 20 and .6 "idden in a large num4er of :uestions 7as one that

simply as5ed, HDo you have i5igai in your lifeAI /FM



he respondents 7ere follo7ed up over the ne;t seven years, during 7hich a num4er of the

respondents died6 *hen the researchers too5 into consideration various accepted ris5 factors,

including age, gender, 4ody-7eight, smo5ing, alcohol consumption, diet, stress levels and history

of disease, 5no7n in research as confounds, i5igai turned out to 4e a highly accurate predictor of

7ho 7ould still 4e alive at the end of the study6 $imply put nearly ES of those 7ho reported

having a sense of meaning in their lives 7ere still alive after seven years, compared 7ith /S of

those 7ho reported no meaning in their lives6


he study supports 7hat 7e in NLP have 4een saying for nearly 20 years6 Despite initial

s5epticism at some of the claims made such as people@s internal maps influence not only ho7

they perceive and respond to the 7orld 4ut actually affect their physical and emotional healthM,

some studies in the *est are 4eginning to support the NLP approach6 Recent studies havesuggested that optimism, /.M passion //M and a positive self-image /M all predispose the

su4ect to7ards 4etter health and 7ell-4eing6

>nfortunately, all the *estern researchers and all their studies seem to presuppose that choice,

meaning and mission are in4orn characteristics, rather li5e 4eing 4orn 7ith 4lue eyes or a

s7immer@s 4uild6 his falls into the realm of 7hat 7e discussed in earlier chapters a4out not

:uestioning the perceived or collective 7isdom6 "aving esta4lished the :ualities that lead to

health, 7ell-4eing and longevity, 7e are left 7ith the :uestion 7hat no7A

Neuro-Linguistic Programming has consistently claimed e;cellence is a learna4le s5ill6 $ome

people still regard this idea 7ith s5epticism and therefore refuse to consider it6 "o7ever, since

each su4ective e;perience has a discerni4le structure, most e;periences can 4e modeled,

learned and passed on to other people6 "undreds of thousands and :uite possi4ly millions of

people around the 7orld have chosen to try out the principles and techni:ues of NLP for

themselves6 hey 7ill argue that no only can 7e help ourselves and others to progress in almost

any field, 4ut 7e also have the technology for self-evolution6

( sense of meaning 7e no7 5no7 is ine;trica4ly 4ound up in 4eliefs6 he 4eliefs a sufferer ofangina or congenital heart failure or cancer holds regarding his or her illness may help decide the

outcome of the condition6 Concurrently, a physician@s 4elief in the efficacy of a treatment is an

important determinant in its success or failure6 0M



THE 0EANIN+ OF LIFE

*e are sometimes as5ed, *hat is the meaning of lifeA@

'nevita4ly 7ith this :uestion the su4ect of religion comes up6 $ome of the people as5ing this:uestion are see5ing validation, hoping that 7e 7ill reinforce their 4elief that their religion is the

right@ oneT7hich of course 7e don@t and 7on@t6 aith and 4elief are not the same thing6

$pirituality and 4elieving in something 4igger than ourselves undou4tedly has a maor impact on

our health and 7ell-4eing, 4ut this :uestion isn@t a4out faith6 't@s a4out the application of life6

$imply put, the meaning of life is t"e meaning you as!ribe to it. *hat you 4elieve is 7hat you@ll

see, hear and feel therefore it ma5es sense to pay special attention to the 4eliefs you hold6

*e the authorsM try to cultivate a sense of a7e in 4oth our clients and ourselves6 his isn@t

difficult to do6 (fter all, if 7e 7eren@t part of something much 4igger than our physical and mentalselves, ho7 can all our 4illions of individual neurons 7or5 together to produce coherent thoughts,

a sense of history and create the e;perience 7e each call selfA he human organism is a

miraculous thing6 )our heart 4eats t7o 4illion times in a lifetime your fingerprints are uni:ue,

7hile the neuro-cortical path7ays and potential connections of each human 4eing e;ceeds the

num4er of atoms in the 5no7n universe6 )et despite your uni:ueness, the thing you have in

common 7ith everyone else on the planet is the ama<ingly 4eautiful and comple; machine that

holds it all together your 4ody, driven 4y your 4rain6

't@s easy to 4elieve it is all the product of something 4igger, 4ecause, of course, it is6 )ou can call

it genetics or call it God6 *hichever defines your position, these are po7ers greater than us as

individuals6 Believing in something grander than yourself and that something e;tends from 4efore

you 7ere 4orn to long after you die, 4elieving that a consciousness that@s strong enough 7ill

pro4a4ly survive death, is important in many 7ays6 Large-scale studies sho7 that people 7ho

have strong spiritual 4eliefs of any 5ind and follo7 the practices of those 4eliefs, are one third

more li5ely to survive serious illness6 3M

here are things in the 7orld that cannot 4e e;plained and pro4a4ly never 7ill 4e6 or e;ample,

7e tal5 a4out gravity, 4ut still have no idea ho7 it 7or5s6 *e don@t 5no7 7hy an element is an

element6 *e only 5no7 that it is, that it melts at a certain temperature and if 7e com4ine certain

elements in certain 7ays 7e can ma5e 7ater6 *e 5no7 that if 7e compress hydrogen enough,

7e get a sun6 (s to 7hat ma5es it that 7ay, 7e simply have no idea6



Yuite simply, 7hen you hold 4eliefs that are so 4ig, the little things you have to do or put up 7ith

in life don@t seem so over7helmingly large6 hat@s meaning6 hat@s life and life is good

B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, ta5e some time to revie7 everything that

gives meaning to your life6 *rite these do7n6 or e;ample, if you ans7er Hmy childrenI, as5

yourself

H*hat a4out my children provides meaning to my lifeAI

H*hat@s even 4igger than having children ' loveAI

9eep refining your ans7ers until you have the sense that you can go no further6 hen, as5

yourself *hat is my purpose in lifeA *hat is my mission 7hile am ' on this planetA@

Don@t 7orry if you an ans7er to the last :uestioning isn@t immediately forthcoming6 'n the ne;t

chapter 7e 7ill elicit and refine your unconscious mission and help direct you even further along

the path of Being "appy6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER SE5EN

/06 ran5l +# 1nd #d6 - 1002M he Doctor and the $oul rom Psychotherapy to Logotherapy,

London $ouvenir Press

/36 ran5l +6 Ne7 edition F !ay 1002M !an@s $earch for !eaning6 Rider & Co London Rider &

Co

/16 !P recording of !aor !ayer@s report is availa4le at httpJJrapidshare6comJfilesJ1F0//.FEJ

Brain7ashing6rar

6

http://rapidshare.com/files/260838765/Brainwashing.rar






/6 $cheier !, Carver C$, %ptimism, coping, and health assessment and implications of

generali<ed out-come e;pectancies, "ealth Psychology, 3/E 2M13-2.

/26 Ploghaus (, racey ', Gati $, Clare $, !enon R$, !atthe7s P!, Ra7lins NP, Dissociating

Pain from 'ts (nticipation in the "uman Brain, $cience 3/ une 3 +ol6 1/26 no6 E211, pp6

3.-/3

/E6 homson G, 9han 9 100.M !agic in Practice 'ntroducing !edical NLP ? he (rt and

$cience of Language in "ealing and "ealth6 London "ammersmith Press

/F6 $one 6, et al 100/M6 $ense of life 7orth living i5igaiM and mortality in apan %hsa5i $tudy6

Psychosomatic !edicine, .0, .0-.3E

/.6 Peterson C, Bossio L6!6 33M6 "ealth and %ptimism6 Ne7 )or5 ree Press

//6 +allerand R66 100/M6 %n the psychology of passion 'n search of 7hat ma5es people@s lives

7orth living6 Canadian Psychology, 2, 3-3

/6 Levy B6R6 at al6 1001M6 Longevity increased 4y positive self-perceptions of aging6 ournal of

Personality and $ocial Psychology, /, 1F3-1.0

06 $ee Broome ( and Lle7elyn $P 3EM, "ealth Psychology Processes and (pplications,

Cheltenham, >9 Nelson hornes Ltd6, for further discussion

36 !cCullough ! et al 1000M, Religious involvement and mortality a meta-analytical revie76

"ealth Psychology 3133-11

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

B(C9 % %P

CHATER EI+HT: /OUR ESSENTIAL NEEDS

$i; 9eys to $urviving and lourishing

'n this chapter



O People need people

O he need for control

O %ptimism e:uals living longer

O *hat Hre4alancingI really means6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

"uman 4eings, li5e all other living things, have certain needs food, 7ater, rest, someone 7ith

7hom to reproduce6 hese are all o4vious matters of survival and the failure to satisfy any of

them can have fatal conse:uences to the individual or the species6

*hat is not as o4vious, though ust as important, is a group of needs that are vital to our species@

a4ility to survive and flourish6 !odern *estern medicine and psychiatry still fail to recogni<e that

human 4eings are not simple machines that re:uire little more than occasional repair therapyM,

different fuel medicationM or ne7 parts surgeryM6 *e are far more comple; than that6 #ach part

of our 4odies is connected to every other part, including the 4rain, through a comple; collection of

feed-4ac5 loops6 (ny im4alance in any part can affect other parts and, eventually, the integrity

and smooth functioning of the 7hole6

People 7e regard as Being "appy inevita4ly e;cel at getting their needs met in appropriate and

consistent 7ays, in this 7ay, optimi<ing the integrity and smooth functioning of their 4odies and

minds6 hose 7ho are not as successful often suffer from a 7ide range of comple;, chronic

emotional and physical conditions that can leave orthodo; science 4affled and helpless6

Considera4le evidence no7 e;ists that people flourish 7hen si; maor needs are met6 hese are

SI. ESSENTIAL NEEDS OF HU0AN BEIN+S

36 $ocial support and connectedness

16 ( sense of control

6 %ptimism



26 Belief in the predicta4ility of life

E6 he a4ility to recover or re4alance after stressful engagement dissipating entropyM

F6 Purpose and meaning, including a sense of spirituality and 4eing part of something 4igger than

the individual self6 1M

he converse is also true6 (n individual@s health and longevity may 4e adversely affected should

these fundamental needs remain unmet6

hese si; attri4utes are 5no7n as psychological modulators@ they fit together to function as a

7hole, or to use an analogy, a 7heel made up of si; segments6 (s long as each segment is fully

inflated, the 7heel can rotate smoothly and the system as a 7hole functions efficiently6 "o7ever,

if one or more segment is deflated that is, the relevant need is not 4eing metM, much of thesystem@s energy is deflected to7ards trying to compensate for the deficit, in much the same 7ay

as a flat tire 7ill drag a vehicle off-course6

his is 7hat happens 7hen you fail to fi; a serious pro4lem6 'f you don@t ta5e action, the causes of

the situation may stay the same, 4ut, as energy continues to 4e dra7n a7ay from the rest of your

life, the impact gets 7orse6`

his chapter discusses processes and actions rather than setting goals or achieving specific

states6 'n a later chapter, 7e@ll invite you to measure your present status via simple scales6Remem4er people respond differently to challenges6 )our su4ective response 7ill 4e important6

hen, 7hen you have a clear idea of the areas of your life you@d li5e to improve, the rest of the

4oo5 7ill introduce you to a series of e;ercises designed strengthen the areas you 7ant to tac5le6

THE SI. ESSENTIAL NEEDS

!> Socia7 s2pport an1 connecte1ness

*e have all heard stories a4out someone surviving only a short time after the death of a much-

loved spouse6 his phenomenon is a staple of passionate literature from $ha5espeare to some of

the tear-er5er movies of today6 hirty years ago, Colin !urray Par5es pu4lished a

comprehensive study demonstrating the occurrence 7as more than a literary device6 "e sho7ed



that many people, una4le to ma5e the transition to 4eing 7ithout their 4eloved, fall victim to a

range of illnesses 7ith alarming fre:uency6

People often attri4uted this to the conse:uences of a H4ro5en heartI, a diagnosis most medical

e;perts dismissed and some still dismissM out of hand6 "o7ever, science is increasingly

revealing the condition is real enough, the result of profound emotional im4alance leading to

malfunctioning 4ody chemistry6 >nless you have a natural or cultivated resilience to intense grief

coupled 7ith loneliness, your 4ody goes into shoc5 closely resem4ling that suffered 4y victims of

Post raumatic $tress Disorder6 "o7 you respond can literally mean the difference 4et7een life

and death6 M

$ome heart specialists no7 rate the impact of 4ro5en relationships and the ensuing loneliness as

potentially as dangerous as clogged arteries and e;treme stress6 he largest study reflecting this

7as conducted 4y he !ayo Clinic@s Dr Chet Rihal6 'n it, he e;amines 7hat he calls H4ro5en heartsyndromeI, and confirms a strong lin5 4et7een emotional loss and cardiac pro4lems6 (mong

other findings, the study also notes roughly 30S of people 7ho survive a heart attac5 after the

loss of a loved one are li5ely to have another attac5 7ithin a short period of time6 2M )et, despite

the num4er of people 7ho fall victim to loss and loneliness, the maority of individuals appear to

cope 7ithout serious pro4lems6 Genetics and general heart health undou4tedly are factors in their

return to 4alance, 4ut a social connectedness that stretches 4eyond reliance on a single person is

another significant factor6

!ore than F0-years ago in the little to7n of Roseto, Pennsylvania, found itself the center ofscientific attention6 H*e couldn@t understand ho7 the people of Roseto had such a lo7 rate of

myocardial infarction,I one of the researchers recalls6 H*e e;pected to find these super-fit people

7ho ate sparsely and too5 lots of e;ercise6 But that 7as not the case =I

he residents of Roseto 7ere hardly models of health and fitness6 hey ate fatty food, dran5

alcohol and lounged around 7henever possi4le6 'n fact their lifestyle 7as identical to that of their

neigh4ors in near4y to7ns and cities6 he sole difference the scientists could find 7as that

Rosetans 7ere strongly 4onded6 hey 7ere friendly 4arn-raisers6 #veryone 5ne7 each other

they volunteered help 7henever it 7as needed, and they reported a po7erful sense of 4elongingand identity 7ithin the community6 'f this 7as 7hat protected the Rosetans, scientists theori<ed,

then the rate of heart disease 7ould rise as the younger to7nspeople moved to other to7ns and

cities6



he scientists 4egan a E0-year longitudinal study 7hich ultimately proved their theory6 (s the

to7nspeople 4ecame more H(mericani<edI and the children struc5 out on their o7n, the effect

faded6 ( strong sense of social connectedness had inoculated the residents against heart

disease at least as effectively as eating the right food, ta5ing regular e;ercise, not smo5ing and

drin5ing, and generally living 7hat is commonly agreed to 4e a healthy lifestyle6 EM his effect

has since 4een demonstrated in a num4er of studies6 H"ost resistanceI to disease, as it is 5no7n,

is clearly and profoundly enhanced 4y social support and connectedness6 FM

"> A sense of contro7

$oldiers under fire are more li5ely to develop Post-raumatic $tress Disorder if they feel they lac5

control and support from their comrades6 .M his phenomenon is no less common, and no less

dangerous, to people in everyday life and 7or5 situations 7ho feel as if they are spiraling out of

control6 (ccording to the *orld "ealth %rgani<ation, 7or5-related stress 4ecomes potentially

dangerous 7hen employees feel they have little support from supervisors and colleagues, as 7ell

as little control over 7or5 processes6 /M he same to;ic effect has 4een found in personal

relationships in 7hich people feel they have little or no say in day-to-day activities and outcomes6

( sense of lac5 of control over a situation can mean more than mere discomfort to the victim6 'n

3E, a maor longitudinal study found that people 7ho felt they had little or no control in their

home or 7or5ing lives 7ere 0S more li5ely to die prematurely than those 7ho felt they 7ere incharge of their 7or5 and personal relationships6 M he com4ination of high stress 7ith lo7

control is particularly lethal6 !ultiple studies sho7 massive and rapid deterioration in the health

and 7ell-4eing of 4oth animals and people under these conditions6

ortunately, the opposite is also true6 (s control is restored and more choices 4ecome availa4le

the effect of even maor life-challenges can 4e offset6 300M he su4ective e;perience of pain and

need for medication decreases, 303M and the su4ect may even live significantly longer than

people 7ho feel less in control6 301M

#> Opti3is3

%ptimistic people do 4etter in almost all areas of life than their pessimistic counterparts6 his is

not a4out advocating false hope or denial6 Rather it@s a4out encouraging people to develop the



e;pectation that things 7ill get 4etter6 'n truth, it almost al7ays does6 Life is dynamic and change

is its sole permanent feature6 herefore, the chance of any circumstances improving is al7ays

present6

Does that mean that all pro4lems 7ill 4e fi;ed in some cosmic machine shopA Not necessarily6

*hat is important is e;pectation, t"e beief that the situation ho7ever 4ad, can improve in some

7ay or other6 his is a mar5 of someone adept at Being "appy6

THE +LASS IS HALF FULL

Ro4ert $apols5y in his 4oo5 on stress and coping, #"y $ebras Don>t 5et U!ers, 30M notes a

study in 7hich parents 7hose children diagnosed 7ith cancer 7ere only moderately distressed

upon learning the disease carried a 1ES ris5 of death6 he reason, he concluded, 7as that the

.ES survival odds 7ere perceived as miraculously high6 (s $apols5y o4served, the meaning

people attach to events can literally ma5e the difference 4et7een life and death6 302M 30EM 't\s

not so much the reality of a situation that triggers the response, 4ut 7hether it is interpreted as

either positive@ or negative@6

his is the reason 7e encourage doctors to frame the information they give to their patients in

7ays that predispose them to7ards an optimistic outcome6 't is not only 5inder to tell a patient

that there is a 20S chance of 4eating a particular disease than a F0S chance of dying from it,4ut, presenting the information in this 7ay may ust save his or her life6

his reminds us of the story of the patient 7ho 7as told 4y his doctor that there 7as a ES

chance that he 7ould survive the e;tremely serious disease 7ith 7hich had 4een diagnosed6 he

man?an optimist after our o7n hearts?leapt to his feet e;citedly and e;claimed, H'\ll ta5e itIM

26 Predicta4ility

%nce people are a4le to predict certain events 7ith reasona4le accuracy, their response to

painful and stressful situations improves6 +ulnera4le populations in London during the Blit< not

only adapted to the constant threat of regular German air raids, 4ut 4ecame considera4ly more

resilient to stress diseases than their fello7 countrymen living in areas 7here raids 7ere more

erratic6



"o7ever, 4oth too much and too little predicta4ility can have their do7nside6

People sometimes 5ill themselves rather than face a maor life-change, such as a divorce6 his

supports +irginia $atir@s opinion that 5eeping things the same is a stronger human compulsion

than even the drive to stay alive6 30FM )et, human 4eings also crave e;citement and novelty6

People employed in highly repetitive and predicta4le o4s often suffer from high levels of o4

dissatisfaction, a4senteeism and high 4lood pressure6 he effects of mundanity are reversi4le6 By

simply introducing variety, interspersing 4oring assem4ly-line activities 7ith less predicta4le

activities, health and 7ell-4eing can 4e restored6 30.M

%nce again, su4ective perception and response is the 5ey6 $ome people favor a more

predicta4le e;istence, 7hile others ump out of planes or off 4ridges tied to 4ungee cords6 't

should 4e noted that even 7here people indulge in e;treme sports, they do so voluntarily6 hey

5no7 7hen and 7here it is going to happen?itself a form of predicta4ility6 he fact is 7e all need ameasure of predicta4ility and novelty 7ithin our lives6 Creating the proper 4alance underlies Being

"appy6

E6 Dissipating entropy

People ta5e in and use energy from many different sources food, information, the ups and do7ns

of daily e;perience, maor pro4lems and challenges, etc6 $cientists are 4eginning to understand

that a failure to dissipate unused energy or its chemical 4y-products can have a negative effecton an individual@s health and 7ell-4eing6 his potentially to;ic 4uild-up 7e call entropy@, a 7ord

and a process 4orro7ed from the field of thermodynamics6

Dissipating entropy is essential to finding the s7eet spot 4et7een 4eing healthy or sic56

'nformation and challenges 4om4ard you at a phenomenal rate6 he speed at 7hich you@re

e;pected to cope is increasing6 'f you fail to dissipate the 7aste-products of this fren<ied energy,

you 7ill fail to re4alance and reorient yourself6 he result of this failure may include diseases such

as asthma, allergies, ype '' dia4etes, migraines, Cancer and heart disease6 >p to a half of

people see5ing help from their physicians are suffering from physical and emotional conditionsthat have no identifia4le of pathological cause6 *hile 7e@re not saying stress is the sole cause of

these pro4lems, it@s safe to say that all of them are made 7orse 4y an overload of the nervous

system6 Learning ho7 to effectively handle and dissipate entropy is another 5ey to Being "appy6

his is 7hat re4alancing@ really means6 30/M 30M 330M



3036 Chapman C 3/M Giving the patient control of opioid analgesic administration6 'n "ill C,

ield * edsM (dvances in Pain Research and herapy, vol6 ''6 Philadelphia, P( Lippincott

*illiams and *il5ins

3016 Rodin 3/FM (geing and health effects of the sense of control6 $cience 131.3-F6

306 $apols5y R 1002M *hy e4ras Don@t Get >lcers he Guide to $tress, $tress-Related

Diseases, and Coping, rd ed6 Ne7 )or5 "enry "olt

3026 Peterson C, $eligman !, +aillant G 3/M Pessimistic e;planatory style is a ris5 factor for

physical illness a E-year longitudinal study6 ournal of Personality and $ocial Psychology EE1-

1.

30E6 9u4<ans5y L et al 1003M 's the glass half empty or half fullA ( prospective study ofoptimism and coronary heart disease in the normative ageing study6 Psychosomatic !edicine

F30-3F

30F6 Conversation 7ith author RB6

30.6 !elin B, Lun4ergt >, $oderlund , Grand:vist ! 3M Psychological and physiological

stress reactions of male and female assem4ly 7or5ers a comparison 4et7een t7o forms of 7or5

organisation6 ournal of %rganisational Psychology EE 1-1.

30/6 Rosendal !, %lsen , in5 P 100EM, !anagement of medically une;plained symptoms6

B! 0 2-E

306 *essley $, Nimnuan C, $harpe ! 3M, unctional somatic syndromes one or manyA

Lancet E2 F-

3306 %lde "artman , Lucasseen P, +an de Lisdon5 #, Bor ", +an de *eel C 1002M, Chronic

functional symptoms a single syndromeA British ournal of General Practice E2 11-.

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CHATER NINE: CO00IT0ENT6 CONFIDENCE AND

CO0ULSION

'n this chapter

O *hat elite performers do differently

O o do or to 4eA

O Decisions and follo7-through

O un 7ith fetishes6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

$uccessful people in all 7al5s of life are not only confident they can live life to the fullest, 4ut

they@re committed to doing 7hat needs to 4e done in order to get 7here they 7ant to 4e6 $ome,

the elite ma5ing up the top four percent of a given population, are compelled to 5eep moving

for7ard6

Committing to ne7 challenges occurs easily 7hen you

O "ave a clear direction6 (s 7e@ll e;plain later, this is not :uite the same thing as setting goals

O 9no7 7hat needs to 4e done and do it consistently, even compulsively, no matter 7hat

happens,

O ind 7ays to feel good, not ust 7hen you achieve 7hat you set out to accomplish, 4ut at

fre:uent points along the 7ay6

$urprisingly, many people 7ho should 5no7 4etter never 4other to actually plan to 4e successful6

hey 7orry at great length a4out their pro4lems, or, more often, a4out their imagined pro4lems,

then 7onder 7hy their fantasies a4out having health, 7ealth and happiness don@t :uite match

their e;perience6



(merican 4as5et4all legend Bo44y 9night often said that, 7hile the 7ill to succeed 7as important,

the 7ill to prepare to succeed 7as even more so6 333M

9night@s insight suggests that planning and preparation involve more than the over-simple pencil

and paper planning 4eloved of some 4usiness and self-development seminars6 !ost people 5no7

ho7 to set goals fe7 plan to have the appropriate mind-set and commitment to see those goals

through to completion6 (ttitude, energy and follo7-through are the 5eys to success6

*hen most people tal5 a4out having vision, they@re spea5ing metaphorically a4out plans and

o4ectives6 'n NLP, 7e mean it literally6 'f you don@t ta5e the trou4le to see clearly in your mind@s

eye 7hat you 7ant, you 7on@t do 7hat@s necessary for ongoing fulfillment6 his is the pro4lem

7ith most planning methods that teach people to visuali<e success as if it@s already a reality6

+isuali<ations need to 4e planned carefully in the 5no7ledge that your unconscious mind is

e;tremely literal6 )our internal representation needs to 4e vivid, compelling and in the form of amovie or video-clip, rather than a snapshot6 )ou also need to ma5e sure you@ve chec5ed that

everything vital to the successful accomplishment of your plans is present6

*e@ll outline the entire process for successful mental rehearsal and visuali<ation in greater detail

in a later chapter6 (t this stage, you simply need to decide 7hether you@re visuali<ing your plans

from an associated point of vie7 that is, seeing through your o7n eyes, as if everything, such as

4eing a non-smo5er, is already accomplished no further action neededM, or, dissociated that is,

seeing yourself in the image, say, follo7ing a healthy eating and e;ercise plan, thus giving your

4rain a representation of something you@ll continue doingM6 (nd, e;tremely importantly, the detailsare crucial to your success6

( highly successful 4usinessman 7ho attended one of our seminars seemed una4le to translate

his career success into his family life6 "e said, H' 5no7 e;actly 7hat my success picture@s li5e6 '

can see my family living in a 4ig mansion 7e@ve got a Rolls Royce, a Bentley, a 4ig s7imming

pool, a tennis court and a 4ig 4oat6I

*hen as5ed if his 7ife and children 7ere in the picture, he said, H)esI6 *hen as5ed if "e 7as in

the picture, he sat 4ac5 surprised 7ith a 4lan5 loo5 on his face6 H*ell, no6 't@s ust my family6I

he ne;t :uestion shoo5 him6

H$o, did you die and your family@s living off the insurance moneyA "o7 else did they get all this

stuff and you@re not aroundAI



By forgetting to include himself in the picture and ma5ing it a static image, everyone and

everything in it 7as fro<en in time6 Predicta4ly, he 7as una4le to move for7ard 7ith his plans6

#;perience sho7s us that if you fail to include the details, such as leaving the office, driving

home, Being "appy 7ith your 7ife and children, then you are going to have pro4lems achieving

any of it6 #ffective planning might 5ic5 in 7hen you get 4ac5 to the office, 4ut if you are not

systematic in all your planning, other important things may never happen6 't@s not that there 7as

anything 7rong 7ith 7hat the man 7e have 4een tal5ing a4out 7anted6 't is simply that his vision

7as incomplete6 'f your plans are incomplete, it@s difficult for you to carry out the steps re:uired

rapidly, effectively and fre:uently enough to give the 4rain a pattern it can hang on to6

his last point is especially important6 %ne of the 7ays people learn ne7 things is 4y repeating

certain steps in the same order a sufficient num4er of times6 Repetition, either in the imaginedprocess, or in reality, 4uilds strong neural path7ays6 (s neuroscientists are fond of saying,

HNeurons that fire together 7ire together6I

Deciding to 4e cheerful or 7hateverM, then carrying out the protocols only intermittently is an

e;ercise in futility6 'f you really 7ant to learn the art of Being "appy, you need to have the details

in place, and then follo7 through regularly and decisively6

he third re:uirement, ma5ing yourself feel 4etter and 4etter at each step, is 4iologically

hard7ired6 his instinct ensures that 7e move to7ards 4ehaviors that support the good of theindividual and of the group6 $e; is an o4vious e;ample6

'magine the pro4lems 7e@d have as a species if 7e enoyed thin5ing a4out se; more than 7e

enoyed actually doing it6 'f that 7ere the case, 7ould any4ody end up actually having se;A (nd if

it didn@t feel 4etter the closer you got to the end, people 7ould stop and do something else6

hey@d have a little se;, and then 4rea5 off to go and have a sand7ich6

"appily for the human race, the 4iological imperative is to ma5e the e;perience more intense as it

approaches its intended outcome6 hat 7ay the participants are happy, and children continue to4e 4orn6

DESTRUCTI5E 0OTI5ATION



%ne of the most corrosive 7ays people motivate themselves is 7ith stress and fear6

)ou see this pattern every7here, most nota4ly in our schools and colleges6 !ay4e a student has

a proect or a term paper to complete 7ith a deadline three months a7ay6 "is responseA Put it

off6 here@s no 4ig hurry and the student may rationali<e it 4y thin5ing, H*ell, '@ve still got t7o

months6 Plenty of time left6I

%f course, time seems to slip a7ay, and, once lost, can never 4e regained6 7o months 4ecome

one month, and then ten days then=P(N'C

H(argh $i; days to go and ' don@t even have a su4ect yet =I

he strategy of procrastination generally 4egins 7ith a 4ig, attractive picture of an outcome that

ma5es the person feel really good 7hen contemplating 7hat it 7ill 4e li5e 7hen the o4 is done6hen, he starts to ma5e a series of little snapshot pictures, rather than movies, a4out all the

things that need to 4e done in order to accomplish the tas56 he more that happens, the smaller

and less distinct the target picture 4ecomes and the good feelings su4side6 hen, another 4ig

picture enters his mind such as going to the movies or hanging out 7ith friends6 his distracts him

further from his tas56 he end picture 4ecomes even more fragmented, distanced and 4lurred6

'n order to harness our feelings in 7ays that support 7hat 7e 7ant to accomplish, 7e need to

ma5e sure our goals are rich in sensory detail6 *e need to 5no7 7hat 7e@ll 4e seeing, hearing,

and feeling 4ut, 7e also need to plan for more than success6 *e need to plan to have fun alongthe 7ay6

Remem4er 4ig pictures tend to intensify feelings6 herefore the pictures you ma5e in your mind

a4out achieving your goal must get 4igger the closer you get to them6 his 7ay, the first step

feels good, the ne;t step feels a little 4it 4etter, and the ne;t step feels 4etter still, and so on6

#ach step leads to something a little more intense than the step 4efore



E.ERCISE !%: LANNIN+ TO SUCCEED

36 Decide on an outcome you 7ould li5e to have6

9eep it fairly simple at this stage6

16 No7, ma5e a large picture of you and those people in your life 7ho are important to you

enoying this outcome6

6 !ove the picture 4ac5 ma5e it really 4ig, and then start adding details to smaller pictures

4et7een you and your outcome6

'f you try to put everything in the same picture, especially a still picture, it\s li5ely to 4ecomecluttered6 herefore, move the picture 4ac5, ma5e it really 4ig, and then start adding details to

smaller pictures 4et7een you and your outcome6 hese should contain specific information a4out

the actions needed to move in your desired direction6 hese should prefera4ly 4e moving

pictures and you should 4e clear at each point ho7 you 7ould li5e that e;perience to feel6

26 *hen the entire se:uence is in place, step into the 4eginning and run the scenario, seeing,

hearing and feeling everything you@d e;perience if it 7as actually happening no76

Notice ho7 it feels to 4e there, moving to7ards your o4ective6 !a5e sure that each transitional

picture gets 4igger, 4righter and more detailed the closer you come to it6

E6 Repeat the e;ercise several times a day6

!ost importantly, ma5e this the last thing you do at night6

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Planning to succeed is a core s5ill6 But is it al7ays enoughA

*hat 7ould happen if you found yourself a4solutely driven to achieve or complete something that

7ould 4ring an enormous amount of positivity into your lifeA "o7 much 4etter 7ould your life 4e if



you could turn an appropriate desire into a compulsion or fetish so you a4solutely "ad to do itA

)ou already do this 7ith some things6 hin5 a4out some of your uni:ue compulsions, the things

that you simply cannot not do6 he tric5 to turning a simple o4ective into a fetish is to consciously

line it up 7ith one of those o4sessions your mind already 5no7s ho7 to do6 he follo7ing

e;ercise sho7s you e;actly ho7 to do that6

E.ERCISE !&: THE FUN 4ITH FETISHES ATTERN

36 hin5 of something you enoy doing6

)ou may not 4e compelled to do it, 4ut 7henever you do, you feel great6 !a5e a list of the su4-

modalities of the e;perience, noticing the 5inesthetics feelingsM prompting you to ta5e action6

(nchor this feeling 4y pressing together t"e t"umb and forefinger of one hand6

16 hin5 of something you feel utterly compelled to do6

!ay4e if there@s a piece of chocolate ca5e in front of you, you a4solutely must have it6 !a5e a list

of the su4-modalities6 Notice the 5inesthetic that lets you 5no7 you are going to ta5e a 4ite and

no4ody@s going to stop you6 Can you feel the saliva 4eginning to pool in your mouth, the delicious

tightening of the upper part of your throatA (nchor this 4y pressing together the t"umb and

se!ond finger of the same hand6

6 No7 thin5 of something you do that gives you huge pleasure 7hen you do it6

)ou@re dra7n ine;ora4ly to it and the anticipation is almost as delightful as the act itself6 *hen

you@ve fulfilled it, you@ll have a period of respite6 hen, even 7ithout intending to, you@ll find

yourself pushed and shoved to do it again6 his is a fetish Don@t 7orry6 *e@re not going to as5



you 7hat it isM6 List the su4-modalities, especially the point-of-no-return 5inesthetic6 (nchor that

4y pressing together t"e t"umb and ring 8t"ird9 finger of the same hand6

26 !ove your position a 4it to 4rea5 state@6

No7 rela; and thin5 of your commitment to develop your s5ills at Being "appy6 #ven though you

don@t 5no7 all the steps as of yet, thin5 of ho7 you 7ant to 4ehave ho7 you and others 7ill

perceive you ho7 you@ll 4e tal5ing to yourself and others, and 7hat you@ll 4e feeling6 ire your

three anchors in :uic5 succession 4y pressing your thum4 on your first, second and third fingers6

E6 "old your third anchor and step into the image in the previous step, 4ringing all the su4-

modalities into line 7ith those you identified 7hen analy<ing your fetish6

(mplify the feelings, spinning them faster and faster so they permeate every muscle, organ,

system and cell of your 4ody6 Do this regularly to maintain and increase the strength of your

anchors6 (4ove all, remem4er you need to pan% to !ommit% to take a!tion6 hen ta5e action6

*ithout action there@s no possi4ility of success6

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B#%R# !%+'NG %N % $#C'%N *% (ND "# N#X C"(P#R, ma5e a list of all the

things you@d li5e to accomplish6 Rate them on a scale from <ero to ten <ero 4eing no compulsion

at all and ten 4eing the feeling of a4solute necessity6 'f you score anything less than eight, you

need to spend some time intensifying your motivation for the things you 7ant to do6

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REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER NINE

3336 77764rainy:uote6comJ:uotesJauthorsJ4J4o44yK5night6html

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ART T4O

"o7 to 4ecome =

"# P#R$%N )%> C(N B#

CHATER TEN: 0EETIN+ /OUR NEEDS

'n this chapter

O >pgrading your relationships

O i;ing the fear of meeting ne7 people

O Developing a mind of your o7n

O Programming in an optimistic outloo56

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his chapter and the ne;t are the longest and most detailed of the entire 4oo56 #ach re:uires

your focused and complete attention6 Commit to this and you@ll receive su4stantial returns6

'n order not to 4e over7helmed, 7e suggest 7or5ing your 7ay through the e;ercises at a

measured pace6 *e recommend you engage in no more than t7o e;ercises a 7ee56 !eeting

your needs is a 7ay of caring for yourself, so don@t rush it6 )ou can score yourself at 7hatever

stage you feel that you have invested fully in the process6 Remem4er, these are not Band (ids]

designed to fi; some simple, immediate pro4lem6 Rather, you@re 4uilding ongoing s5ills that 7ill

4enefit you for the rest of your life6



E.ERCISE !' 0EETIN+ NEED !: SOCIAL CONNECTEDNESS

!ar5 your present status for social connectedness on a scale of 0 to E 0?3?1??2?E

(s 7e@ve sho7n else7here, a sense of social connectedness is critically important to our physical

and mental 7ell4eing6 Yuite simply, human 4eings, li5e many animals, are social 4eings6 *e

need to connect, to hear and 4e heard, to touch and 4e touched6 #ven if you choose to get a7ay

from it all and find a little patch of land gro7ing your o7n food, you end up tal5ing to the

vegeta4les6 People must communicate6

'n situations 7here you don@t have friends or companions, you@re li5ely end up tal5ing to yourself,

usually in your head, 4ut sometimes aloud6 *hen you@re particularly isolated, you create

imaginary friends6 'f you@re not a mem4er of a real society, you@re compelled to invent one6 his is

ust the 5ind of animals 7e are6

$ince the drive to 4elong is so compelling, and important to our health, it@s mystifying 7hy so

many people leave their relationships entirely to chance6 hey form friendships almost randomly6

!aintaining those friendships is seldom a matter of conscious action6 hey meet, marry or form

partnerships, may4e have children and ta5e it all for granted6 )ears later, they complain they

have no people they can rely on, or that the spar5 has gone out of their relationships6 $ome 7ill

lament that their children do not listen to them, or 7orse, don@t even seem to care6

(depts of Being "appy don@t do@ relationships6 'nstead, they relate 4y regarding relations 7ith

family, friends, associates and ac:uaintances as ongoing, interactive, living processes re:uiring

care and attention in order to flourish6 'n short they nurture each relationship6 #ven ne7comers

are 7elcomed 7ith the possi4ility that they may transmute from stranger to associate, or even

from ally to friend6

he follo7ing e;ercise is an invitation to create a map of your social connections, and develop a

game plan for upgrading the roles of those people 7ith 7hom you can form a mutually supportive

and re7arding alliance6 (fter that, you can e;plore techni:ues that allo7 you to 7ipe out



pro4lems such as social pho4ia, and to repair or improve relationships currently facing

challenges6

STREN+THENIN+ /OUR SOCIAL CONNECTEDNESS art I

Dra7 the a4ove figure on a large sheet of paper6 Revie7 all your present social connections and

fill in their names in the respective <ones according to the position they currently occupy in your

life6

( [ Close friends, family, allies and mentors people ' can rely onM6

B [ (c:uaintances people ' 5no7 and li5e, 4ut see only occasionallyM6

C [ People ' respect and admire 4ut haven@t yet met6

D [ Role models e;ceptional achievers, dead or alive, real or fictionalM6

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STREN+THENIN+ /OUR SOCIAL CONNECTEDNESS art II

No7 that you@ve identified your relationships, on a second sheet of paper, dra7 the same circle

diagram6 his time, reorder all your social connections 4y moving those people 7ith 7hom you

7ould ike closer relations nearer to the center of the circles6 $ome people in one ( or B may 4y

close to you, 4ut may e;ert a negative influence6 'f this is the case, move these people a7ay from

the center into the appropriate circle representing the follo7ing attri4utes

( [ People 7ho actively support me in all aspects of my life6

B [ (c:uaintances 7ith 7hom ' 7ould li5e a deeper relationship6

C [ People ' respect and admire and am prepared to ta5e action in order to get to 5no7 4etter6

D [ Role models e;ceptional achievers, dead or alive, real or fictionalM6

STREN+THENIN+ /OUR SOCIAL CONNECTEDNESS art III

%n a third piece of paper, create a series of 7ide columns headed (, B, C, and D turn your

paper hori<ontally, if necessaryM6 >nder each heading, list all the names from the second figure

and alongside each, 7rite do7n three practical, actiona4le steps you can ta5e in order to achieve

the shift from their present placement to a ne7, more central position6

or e;ample, you might decide to reinforce your 4onds 7ith a friend or family mem4er 4y

volunteering to 4a4ysit or run errands, or simply giving an une;pected gift you could invite a 7or5

colleague to lunch, or as5 someone you admire to mentor you6 Don@t 4e afraid to as5 important

figures or role models for advice or inspiration they can only decline = although a surprisingnum4er of people are flattered 4y the re:uest6 'f the role model is fictional or dead, 4ecome even

more familiar 7ith his or her life and philosophy6 Read auto4iographies, profiles, maga<ine

articles, tra7l the 'nternet to deepen your understanding6 Do 7hatever you can to esta4lish a

strong HrelationshipI 7ith those you admire6



Note do7n the target positions of each, 4e specific in your plans, and ensure that the steps are

7ithin your control6 Revise and re7rite until you have a clear idea of ho7 to proceed6

$et a date for starting each mini proect, and commit to starting each then, and to follo7ing

through6 9eep notes of the progress you ma5e6

Note o avoid over7helming yourself, schedule your approaches over managea4le timeframes6

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I0RO5IN+ RESENT RELATIONSHIS

$adly, many people fail to value and nurture the relationships they already have6 hey don@t

reali<e that relating 7ell re:uires active maintenance6 +ery fe7 relationships flourish to the 4est of

their potential 7ithout special care6

or some people, it is easy to fall in love6 hey do it all the time, and often 7ith the 7rong person6

or everyone, it is easy to fall out of love especially if you do the 7rong thing at the 7rong time6

hin5 a4out this for a moment6 "ave you ever met some4ody, fallen for them in an e;plosion of

sensual neurochemistry, then eighteen months or t7o years along the line, you hit a maor

road4loc5A )ou@ve 7o5en up one morning and as5ed yourself in 4e7ilderment, H*ho is this

personAI

he falling in love part 7as easy6 $everal different neurochemical processes and e;ternal stimuli

occur at precisely the right intensity in e;actly the right se:uence =and Boing7 )ou@re hoo5ed6

ust 7hy certain components of the falling in love e;perience come together for one person ratherthan another pro4a4ly has a lot to do 7ith your childhood conditioning6 (ccording to !ar5 B6

9ristal, professor of psychology in the >niversity at Buffalo College of (rts and $ciences, the 7ay

people loo5, sound and feel is all-important6 $o is ho7 they smell?not ust that they smell of

stra74erries or vanilla rather than milde7 or old soc5s, 4ut that they give off the right 5ind of

minute olfactory particles called pheromones that carry many different messages, including se;,

alarm aggression, fear territoriality =and love6 331M



*hen the pheromones loc5 into their receptors, a series of feel-good neuropeptides, including

vasopressin and o;ytocin as 7ell as the neurotransmitter, dopamine, flood the system to reinforce

4onding and re7ard you for the act of coming together 7ith a potential mate6

%f course, the neurochemistry of falling?and staying?in love is ust part of the story6 !aintaining a

relationship is a conscious and systematic process6 (ny4ody 7ho tells you the e;citement of a

ne7 relationship has to fade simply hasn@t learned ho7 to run their o7n 4rain?not to mention the

rest of their 4ody6

*hen you initially fall in love, you spend an enormous amount of time revie7ing the good

:ualities of your 4eloved, even 7hen you@re apart6 hey are the last thing you thin5 a4out 7hen

you go to sleep 7hich means you also dream a4out themM, and the first thing that comes to mind

7hen you a7a5e6 )ou fantasi<e 4eing 7ith them6 )ou may 7rap your arms around your o7n 4odyto simulate their em4race6 )ou imagine laughing at the same things, 4reathing in synchrony,

feeling as if you@ve 5no7n each other forever6 Negative pointsA *ell, of course they have them,

4ut these are ust 4ac5ground they ust do not matter as much6

'n other 7ords, you are fully associated into the aspects you li5e a4out your 4eloved, and

dissociated from 7hat you do not6

(s time passes some researchers 4elieve it ta5es a4out eighteen months to t7o years for the

nervous system to accustom itself to the neurochemical hit@ of falling passionately in loveM, thingscan 4egin to change6 )ou start to notice the things that ust didn@t 4other you at the 4eginning of

the relationship6 he more you 7atch, the more you notice the clothes scattered around on every

flat surface the constantly open toilet seat the grating :uality of their voice the 7ay they al7ays

seem to find something to complain a4out6 "o7 come you never noticed all that 4eforeA

)ou are no7 associating into the negative aspects of this person, and dissociating from all the

positive :ualities that attracted you in the first place6

Congratulations )ou have ust fallen out of love6

his process, 7hich occurs in ailing friendships and 4usiness relationships, as 7ell as in love

matches, is so po7erful that 7e are a4le to help people get over a4usive or unre:uited

relationships in a matter of an hour or less 4y simply shifting these su4-modalities6 't 7or5s at a

structural, rather than a conscious, logical level6 *hat this means is that if you have a relationship



you do not 7ant to lose, ta5e great care not to let this process happen accidentally6 he e;ercise

4elo7 7ill ena4le you to mitigate this process and esta4lish the proper mindset to 5eep your

relationshipsM in good repair6

a5e a moment and consider the energy you have 4een 7asting in allo7ing a 5ey relationship to

founder6 his could 4e a love relationship, 4usiness, family or friendship6 Perhaps you have 4een

arguing more than you used to6 Perhaps you feel guilty for not responding the 7ay you 5no7

7ould 4e 4est for you 4oth6 (s5 yourself 7hat you could 4e doing to put a smile on the other

person@s face6 Do you remem4er 7hat that used to 4eA *hen you first decided to hoo5 up 7ith

this person, did you intend to ma5e him or her hate youA Pro4a4ly not6 Remem4er no7 ho7

pleasant your time used to 4e 7ith this person6 *ould you rather 4e doing the activities that made

you feel good to 4e 7ith this person, or 7ould you rather 4e fightingA

E.ERCISE !(: REAIRIN+ OR I0RO5IN+ A RELATIONSHI

36 Choose a relationship you@d li5e to improve or repair6

16 Choose three incidents or 4ehaviors that represent :ualities that threaten the 4ond6

he mental pictures and the feelings associated 7ith these memories 7ill 4e vivid6 )ou@re most

li5ely to 4e replaying these scenarios from an associated point of vie7 as if you@re actually there

as they happenM6

6 No7 choose three desira4le :ualities or 4ehaviors that you 5no7 the relationship has, or once

had, 4ut 7hich have 4een pushed into the 4ac5ground6

he mental pictures of these memories are li5ely to 4e dissociated i6e6 smaller, less distinct,

framed, as if on a television screen, lac5ing in color and movementM6 eelings 7ill 4e vague6



26 Close your eyes and picture each negative e;perience6

Begin 7or5ing your 7ay through the three negative e;periences6 Picture each of the e;periences

in turn, pushing them slo7ly a7ay into the distance, seeing yourself appear in the image

dissociating from the un7anted e;perienceM6 (s you move the picture further a7ay, allo7 the

color and movement to drain a7ay until it@s ust a vague dot or 4lur in the distance6 Repeat this

five times for each scenario6 Do it as rapidly as possi4le6

E6 Ne;t, thin5 a4out the three positive memories and scenarios you 7ould li5e to restore to the

relationship Step #M6

Close your eyes again6 'n your mind@s eye, 4ring the picture of each event rapidly up to7ards you,

increasing color, si<e, vitality as you do so6 Do this as fast as you can6 $tep right into it, as if

you@re there right no76 'magine seeing, hearing and feeling events through your o7n senses6

Repeat five times for each, as :uic5ly as possi4le6

F6 No7, sit 4ac5 and send your creative imagination into the future6

$ee yourself fully involved in a series of typical e;periences 7ith your partner, 7ith increasingenoyment and enthusiasm6

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SOCIAL HOBIA

!any of the clients 7e meet complain that they Hust can@t ma5e ne7 friendsI, or if they have 4eensufficiently therapi<ed, they are often convinced they are suffering from something called social

pho4ia@6 $ome have 4een unfortunate enough to fall into the hands of a physician or psychiatrist

7ho 4elieves prescription drugs are the only 7ay for7ard6

%nce again, humans are social creatures6 Bonding is hard7ired into our 4rains from the da7n of

time and it is necessary for our survival as individuals and as a species6 #veryone has the a4ility



to ma5e and form relationships6 $ocial pho4ia is one of the ne7er additions to the list of

Hpsychiatric disordersI as defined 4y the D$! series6 Loo5ing past the diagnostic go44ledygoo5,

it@s easy to see that social pho4ics are afraid of tal5ing to people for a very simple reason6 hey

choose to avoid ne7 social contacts 4y spending their time staring do7n at the floor, telling

themselves 7hat a horri4le, dangerous thing meeting ne7 people is, and ho7 right they are to

avoid doing it?even though every4ody does it all day long, and most of us survive6

't gets stranger6 %ne client 7as a social pho4ic 7hose o4 7as to intervie7 people6 (s long as he

7as as5ing :uestions from his list he felt fine6 "o7ever, he 7as una4le even to have lunch 7ith

his co-7or5ers6 "e 7ould ta5e his lunch outside and lie on the 4ac5 seat of his car so he 7ould

not have to ma5e eye-contact 7ith any4ody6

or this person, spea5ing 7ith people 7as not impossi4le in practice his stic5ing point 7as he

simply did not have a list of :uestions to as5 people he 7as not intervie7ing6 "e had convincedhimself he needed a script to communicate6 "is mental model actually included the a4ility to meet

and tal5 to ne7 people6 *hat 7as different 7as the 7ay he thought a4out 7hat he 7as doing6

(t 2E years old, he had already spent most of his life living in a4ect terror of social interactions6

)et in a matter of hours after putting into practice some of the s5ills presented in this 4oo5,

meeting ne7 people 7asn@t so scary6 'nstead of thin5ing a4out ne7 encounters 7ith trepidation,

he could no7 loo5 for7ard 7ith enthusiasm6 't 7asn@t a profoundly different process 4ut, on the

level of neurochemistry it affected his 4ody entirely differently6 he simplest shifts can have

profound results6

Regardless of 7hether you or someone else has la4eled you a social pho4ic, if you pay attention

to the 4igger picture, you@ll almost certainly discover e;ceptions to your pattern of avoidance6

here are people you meet and tal5 to under certain, :uite specific, conditions6 #:ually certainly,

you@ll find the 7ay you thin5 a4out these people is different from the 7ay you thin5 a4out

strangers6 (s 7e often tell clients, it@s seldom that social pho4ics 4elieve that strangers 7ill 4e

hostile to them6 Rather they simply don@t have a mental model for the ne7 people li5ing and

responding positively to them6

est this for yourself6



E.ERCISE !): FI.IN+ /OUR SOCIAL HOBIA

36 'magine meeting someone 7ith 7hom you are perfectly comforta4le6

Notice ho7 you thin5 of them6 Do you see yourself interacting positively or, at least, 7ithout

tensionMA Do you notice that the other person is rela;ed and accepting of youA 's the picture 4ig,

4rightA 's it filled 7ith color and movementA

16 No7, thin5 of meeting someone ne76

Loo5ing past the almost inevita4le visceral response you 7ill have, 7hat is the stranger doing and

sayingA !ay4e he or she loo5s for4idding, 4ut, more li5ely you 7ill have difficulty reading his or

her responses6 'f you are a social pho4ic@, the feeling attached to this scenario 7ill 4e

unmista5a4le6 't is common for people 7ho cannot ascertain a stranger@s intentions 7ithin the first

split-second of meeting to fall 4ac5 to the evolutionary default position of fear and 7ithdra7al6

6 Rate the intensity of your response, 7ith 0 4eing almost non-e;istent to E 4eing hugely

upsetting6

26 +isuali<e 4oth images side-4y-side in your mind6

Recreate the signs and e;pressions of the person you 5no7 and trust on the 4ody and face of the

stranger6 $imply superimpose one image over another6 Rela; the stranger@s posture6 (dd a 7arm

and 7elcoming smile6 Put a spar5le in the person@s eyes, and have him or her confidently e;tend

a hand in greeting6 $eeing through your o7n eyes associatedM, feel yourself accepting the

handsha5e 7ith pleasura4le anticipation as you smile 4ac56 ell yourself 7ith enthusiasm that this

could 4e one of those meetings that could change your life = for the 4etter6



E6 Chec5 ho7 your rating has changed6

'f you need something more, cycle 4ac5 to $tep 2 and 7hen you@ve created a 7arm and

7elcoming stranger amplify 7hatever degree of pleasure you feel 4y spinning it faster and faster

as you 4ring the image closer, ma5ing it 4igger and 4righter6

F6 Repeat this e;ercise several times6

Continue to imagine ho7 you 7ill respond differently and more appropriately in a num4er of

possi4le situations6 *hat you@re doing is creating a ne7 e;perience in your mind 7ith a ne7 7ay

of handling a situation through repetition6

(fter you have put the a4ove actions into effect, mar5 your ne7 status 0?3?1??2?E

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B(C9 % %P

THE 0A+IC ,UESTION

>ltimately improving your relationship 7ith anyone often comes do7n to one, simple, pro4ing:uestion6 'f you 7ant to 5no7 ho7 to improve a relationship 7ith someone, simply as56 (s5

:uestions li5e

H*hat needs to happen for you to feel really loved appreciated, that you are doing a good o4

etcMAI

H"o7 do you 5no7 7hen you are really li5ed 4y someoneAI

Pay attention to ho7 the person ans7ers this :uestion6 "e or she 7ill tell you 7hat needs tohappen6 his is the process ans7er you@re see5ing6 hen, see ho7 you can adust your 4ehavior

to meet his or her needs and ma5e the most out of the time you spend 7ith this person6

'n turn, if you have certain needs you@d li5e your partner to meet, ust say so6 Be specific and

positive6 't@s 4etter to say



H' really li5e it 7hen you hug me 7hen you get homeI

-+ersus-

H)ou never pay me any attention anymore6I

Not everyone 5no7s or remem4ersM 7hat lights your particular fire6

0EETIN+ NEED ":

A SENSE OF CONTROL

Before 7e start this ne;t section, ho7 7ould you mar5 your present sense of control over your life

on a scale of 0-E, <ero 4eing po7erless and five 4eing in complete controlA 'f you li5e, split this

e;ercise into personal and professional life6 %ften people feel in control of one area and out of

control in another6

9eep this num4er in mind 7hile you continue reading6

"uman 4eings are designed to adapt, even in the face of 7orries and fears6 he moment 7e fail

to start to adapt, to find 7ays of continuing to 4e a4le to control things, 7e often descend into

anger, depression and fear6 %ur internal environment reflects this6 *e start manufacturing 7orse

and 7orse chemicals to the point 7here the choice is simply adapt or feel even 7orse6

(dapting means change, and change is e;tremely threatening to some people, sometimes to the

point 7here he or she 7ill 5ill themselves rather than face the un5no7n6 $ome people 5ill

themselves slo7ly, one cigarette or one drin5 at a time6 %thers do it really :uic5ly 7ith a gun, pills

or a noose6 #ach of these responses represents visi4le, and ultimately deadly, admissions of a

lac5 of a sense of control6

'n order to gain control in your life, you need to pause and thin5 a4out 7hat or 7ho it is you@re

trying to control in addition to 7hat or 7ho seems to have control over you6

Clearly there are things you can@t control6 or e;ample, you could try umping off the roof 4ut,

unless a miracle occurs, you 7ill not defy gravity6 )ou could tell your 4oss not order you around

the outcome of this is you@ll pro4a4ly need to start loo5ing for a ne7 o46 )ou can do your 4est to



control either the forces of nature or the 7ay your friends, family and colleagues 4ehave6

>nfortunately, you are li5ely to fail6

'n reality, if you loo5 at any o4 or relationship giving you pro4lems, you have only four options

(6 (ccept things as they are and get on 7ith it

B6 ry to change the other person or people

C6 Change your o7n responses

D6 Leave6

%ption ( 7ill almost certainly increase your resentment, 7hile B 7ill carry you into ne7er and

even more painful areas of frustration and failure6 he fourth, D, may not 4e an option6 )ou may

have little li5elihood of getting another o4, or you 5no7, deep do7n, that your relationship is

7orth fighting for6

he third option C, changing your o7n responses, is 7hat 7e mean 4y control?real control6 he

good ne7s is option C is also the easiest to accomplish6

Changing your responses means paying attention to the details of your o7n thin5ing patterns6

his does not mean ruminating or 7allo7ing in the 7hys and 7herefores of your situation6 't does

mean 4ac5ing up and ta5ing time to chec5 the tone and volume of your self-tal5, the 5ind of

pictures you are creating?ho7 4right, ho7 focused and ho7 4ig or small they are, and 7hether

they are moving or still for a range of possi4ilities, see (ppendi; BM6 'f you do not pay attention to

these details then you 7ill not have that sense of control6

%nce you have identified your responses and thin5ing patterns, you can change them in 7ays

that create coherence6 'n other 7ords, they 7ill allo7 you to ma5e sense of a 7orld thatpreviously failed to ma5e sense6 )ou are changing your mental map, your su4ective e;perience,

and replacing it 7ith protocols that give you more, rather than less, of 7hat you 7ant6

he follo7ing, one of the simplest e;ercises in NLP, elegantly demonstrates ho7 this 7or5s6



E.ERCISE "*: CHAN+IN+ /OUR SUBGECTI5E E.ERIENCE

he follo7ing e;ercise is designed to help you change the feelings associated 7ith a particular

memory or e;perience so that it 7or5s for you rather than against you6 !ost people consider

memories and the feelings associated 7ith these memories as fi;ed6 or, e;ample, recall as fully

as possi4le a particularly enoya4le e;perience a vacation, sayM6 )ou 7ill also re-e;perience

some of the pleasure you felt at the time6

36 hin5 a4out a particularly pleasant e;perience6

Rate the degree of enoyment you can recapture thin5ing a4out this memory on a scale of 0-to-30

7ith <ero 4eing no enoyment to ten 4eing the same intensity as the e;perience itself6

16 Notice "ow you are remem4ering the e;perience

ocus particularly the location of the image, its si<e, 7hether it is in color or not, moving or not,

and, possi4ly most important, 7hether you see yourself in the memory or not6

Chances are picture is large, possi4ly life-si<e, some7here to7ards the center of your visual field,

and it 7ill seem as if you are vie7ing it through your o7n eyes associatedM6 "o7ever, any

variations are accepta4le your 7ay of coding memories may 4e different from other peoples6

6 Ne;t, in your mind push the image a7ay from you to7ards the hori<on or imagine trac5ing

4ac5, rather li5e a movie camera6

'f you 7ere associated, see yourself 4egin to appear in the frame as it moves further and further

a7ay, 4ecoming more indistinct, as the color and details drain out6



26 est your response 4y chec5ing your feelings a4out the image and notice any changes6

)ou 7ill almost certainly feel a sense of separation from the e;perience, almost as though it

happened a long time ago, or to some4ody else6

E6 inally, put the image 4ac5 7here it 7as, restoring its former :ualities6

%nce you have returned your image to its former :uality, move it closer to you ma5ing 4righter,

4igger and more intense6 $ee yourself stepping right into the center of it6 #;perience it 7ith all

your senses6 Notice 7hether this increases your good feelings6 'f it does, and you prefer things

this 7ay, you can leave it as it is, or you can return to the 7ay it 7as at the 4eginning6

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B(C9 % %P

(s you 7ill discover later in the 4oo5, you can use this simple techni:ue to push a7ay and reduce

the impact of un7anted memories6 'f this seems a 4it difficult in the 4eginning, don@t 7orry6 )ou

are doing something different and in time you 7ill 4ecome adept6 %nce that happens, you 7ill 4e

a4le to reduce the impact of situations or people that 4other you on you 7hile 4ecoming more

internally referenced6 his means, you 7ill start acting on decisions you ma5e yourself, ratherthan loo5ing out7ards and trying to ma5e the 7orld or, other peopleM meet your needs or relying

on other people to tell you the right@ 7ay for you to thin5 and to live your life6

A 0IND OF /OUR O4N

People struggling 7ith issues of domination, indecisiveness or negative life-e;periences often as5

us to help them learn ho7 to trust their o7n opinions, feelings and e;periences in order to reducethe influence others have over them6 he first step is learning to distinguish 4et7een your 7isdom

and intelligence, and the opinion of others6 't@s often helpful to remem4er that 7hoever is telling

you 7ho you are and 7hat you should do, 7hat they@re telling you is still only their opinion6

he follo7ing is an e;ercise differentiating the opinions of others from your o7n ideas and

e;perience through mental coding6 !astering this 7ill ena4le you to ma5e informed decisions,



create mental 4arriers against manipulation and allo7 you to identify from 7here the information

used in your decision-ma5ing originates6

E.ERCISE "!: DE5ELOIN+ A 0IND OF /OUR O4N=

he first three steps illustrate ho7 you 5no7 7hen an idea or thought is your o7n6 he remaining

steps allo7 you to identify someone else@s ideas6

ART I: IDENTIF/IN+ /OUR O4N THOU+HTS

36 Recall a past e;perience in 7hich you acted decisively, effectively and of your o7n volition6

'n other 7ords, you decided to do something 4ecause it seemed right?and it 7as6 his is not

simply a 4elief6 't is something you actually e;perienced6 't is 4oth personal and incontroverti4le6

16 Notice the :ualities su4-modalitiesM of this e;perience6

%nce again, it is li5ely that you are associated into a large, moving, panoramic image6 his is ho7

you 5no7 the thoughts and opinions originate from 7ithin you6 %f course, your 7ay of coding

o7nership may 4e different go 7ith 7hatever your particular pattern happens to 4e6M

6 'magine yourself applying the a4ove t7o steps every time you need to test o7nership of any

thought in the future6



ART II: IDENTIF/IN+ SO0EONE ELSE=S THOU+HTS

36 hin5 of a time 7hen you 7ere pushed to accept something you 5ne7 7as someone else@s

opinion rather than a reflection of your o7n6

ust 4ecause the idea 7as someone else@s doesn@t mean it 7as not true or correct6 his e;ercise

is not a4out that6 't is a4out providing you 7ith a means to distinguish 4et7een original thought,

yours and that of someone else6 #;amples of an e;ternal reference or an opinion usually telling

you 7ho to 4e, ho7 to thin5 or 7hat to doM might include

H)ou should respect your elders6I

H)ou ust don@t try hard enough6I

HLove is never having to say you@re sorry6I

16 Recall an image of the person or people telling you 7hat to thin5 or do and ma5e it smaller

than the internally referenced representation the idea you 5no7 is your o7n from Part 'M6

Put a thic5, 4lac5 4order around it6 Place a pinch of salt in each corner some humor ma5es

things even easierM6 (ttach an auditory cue?the 5ind of half-:uestioning noise 7e ma5e 7hen 7e

are not yet convinced 4y something someone else is trying to get us to 4elieve or do e6g62u"?9

Blac5 frames, pinches of salt and your distinctive sound, to protect yourself from automatically

accepting the opinion of others simply get into the ha4it of placing other people@s opinions of you

and 7hat you should do in this place, tagged 7ith these characteristics6

6 No7, imagine moving along your future life6

$ee yourself moving confidently through life as the 4eliefs and opinions you encounter are

automatically sorted6 )our o7n opinions are the panoramic, self-referring ones, lined up ahead of

you, as if on a road or path7ay representing your future your future timelineM6 he remainder,

those emanating from other people, are stac5ed in 4lac5 frames along this future timeline to one

side?7ithin easy reach should they prove useful, 4ut, other7ise, out of your 7ay6



(n optimist 7a5es up in the morning, and, instead of having a list of things to feel 4ad a4out if

they don@t get done, has an even longer list of things he or she is going to enoy doing6

OTI0IST 5S ESSI0IST

Consider this scenario6 )ou@re sitting home 7aiting for the plum4er to arrive6 Li5e most in-home

appointments, he gave you a four-hour 7indo76 )ou have no idea if he@ll arrive at the 4eginning,

the end, or, even later than that6 'f he arrives to7ard the 4eginning of the 7indo7, you@ll feel great6

he rest of the day is yours6 "o7ever, if he arrives to7ard the end, you could 4e sitting at home

7aiting, pluc5ing your hair out 4y the roots, cursing him for not getting there sooner6 his is the

scenario a pessimist 7ould choose6 (n optimist 7ould see the time as an opportunity to do

something good read a 4oo5, 7atch a great D+D, call some friends and catch up6 hose four

hours are full of e;citing possi4ilities6 %ptimist or pessimist, the choice is yours6 #ither you spend

your time in stress, 7orrying a4out 7hether the plum4er 7ill ever come, or you spend your time

ma5ing yourself smarter and happier, confident that he wi come6 $ooner or later, it really does

not matter6 )ou 7ill put the time to good use either 7ay6

( classic story sums this 7hole idea up neatly6

( man had t7in sons6 %ne he feared 7as far too optimistic, the other too pessimistic6 %ne

Christmas he thought of a plan to even things out6 *hile the 4oys 7ere sleeping, he crept into

their rooms 7ith a collection of carefully thought-out gifts6 "e filled the pessimist@s room 7ith themost 4eautiful and e;pensive toys he could find the optimist@s room he filled 7ith horse manure6

he follo7ing day it, he 7ent to the pessimist@s room 7ith a sense of e;citement, only to find that

the 4oy po5ing his toys dispiritedly, complaining that he 5ne7 they\d 4rea5 or 7ould run out of

4atteries, so it 7asn\t really 7orth even playing 7ith them6

$ome7hat disappointed, the father 7ent to the optimist@s room, confident that at least he@d find

this 4oy@s over7helming positivity cur4ed 4y the huge pile of steaming horse manure around his

4ed6

'nstead, he found the 4oy, 5nee deep in muc5, 7histling happily and shoveling a7ay6 "e loo5ed

up, sa7 his dum4struc5 father standing at the door, and said happily, Z"ey Dad, ' f igure 7ith all

this crap around, there must 4e a pony6I

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he application of the principles and techni:ues arising out of NLP has made many deep inroads

into people@s consciousness?the most important of 7hich is to give people hope6

!odern psychotherapy thrives on la4eling clients6 People are defined as clinically depressed,

schi<ophrenic, eating-disordered etc6 NLP is not a4out la4eling6 *e have never found a cure in a

la4el, 4ut 7e have found an a7ful lot of impediments in them Rather, our approach is so

fundamentally different that, no matter ho7 many other e;perts@ clients have seen, they almost

al7ays 5no7 that 7hat is a4out to happen to them is nothing li5e 7hatever has gone 4efore6

%ne client, a 1-year-old man 7ho 7as una4le to read, turned up for his first session 7ith a t7o-

foot thic5 pile of reports from psychiatrists around the 7orld, all of 7hom said e;actly the same

thing?that he 7as Hunteacha4leI6 $ince his parents had spent tens of thousands of dollarssee5ing help, it 7as fairly o4vious that they 7ere right6 hose e;perts, at least, had 4een una4le

to teach him anything6 hey suggested he 7as Hlearning-disa4ledI6 But, this response, as 7e

often remar5, should more accurately 4e la4eled a teaching, rather than a learning disa4ility6

he first thing the young man 7as as5ed to do 7as to put the pile of reports on to a grate and set

fire to them6 (t first he 7as horrified6 hese reports represented 7ho he 7as6 hey 7ere 7ritten

4y some of the 7orld@s 4est-5no7n authorities and they said this 7as so6 (fter some reluctance,

he finally did it6 "is relief 7as almost palpa4le6 or the first time, he 4egan to rela;6 *ith

rela;ation he allo7ed a glimmer of hope to creep in = something upon 7hich 7e could 4uild6*ithin a very short time, he 7as reading 7ith confidence and ease6

here@s no great secret a4out ho7 he learned to read6 he difference 7as simply that all his other

authorities had systematically removed hope from the e:uation6 %ne e;pert even suggested he

4ecome reconciled to his illiteracy6

he simple truth is, if people don@t 4elieve that things can get 4etter, they 7on@t try anything

different6 'n NLP terms, the things that help people 4elieve they can do something ne7 are called

convincers@6 %ften it re:uires only one convincer?a single ne7 4ehavior?to 4lo7 out the 4eliefthat you can@t do 7hatever it is you 7ould li5e to do no76

%ne of our intentions 7ith this 4oo5 is to encourage you to put on some rose colored glasses?not

so rosy that you end up doing stupid things, 4ut rosy enough to 4e a4le to ma5e plans and ta5e

action6 *e 7ant you to 4e a4le to anticipate that life can 4e filled 7ith aspiration and enoyment6



he truth is, the more you learn to ma5e the daily processes of life fun, the 4etter life 7ill 7or5 for

you6 %ptimists ma5e a point of finding something to enoy in almost every situation they find

themselves in6 'nitially this may 4e a choice6 "o7ever, 7ith practice it 4ecomes a ha4it6 !ost

highly successful people are almost compulsive a4out 7hat they do, not 4ecause they are moving

a7ay from some 5ind of unpleasant situation, 4ut 4ecause they enoy 7hat they are doing6

%ne client, one of the youngest multimillionaires in the 7orld, is a4out as compulsive as

compulsives get6 "e leaves for 7or5 at four in the morning6 (t night he is the last person to leave6

"e loves every moment of 7hat he does6 "is challenge, the :uestion that plagues him is, Z"o7

can ' get my employees to 4e as motivated as ' amAZ

Li5e many 7ealthy people, he thin5s that offering his employees more money is the 7ay to do it6

'ronically, money is not 7hat motivates him6 "e goes to 7or5 each day 4ecause he enoys 7hathe does6 "e enoys 7hat he does 4ecause he e&pe!ts to enoy it6 (t the end of the day 7hen he

reflects, he remem4ers all the great things that happened6 "e overloo5s, or at least minimi<es,

the 4ad6

*hether you fi; other people@s 7ater-pipes for a living or you are a surgeon, a psychotherapist, a

secretary, or a pensioner, you !an en:oy e(ery singe task t"at you do and get a sense of

satisfaction from completing it6 )ou can !"oose to loo5 for7ard to your ne;t tas5 or underta5ing,

7hether it is having lunch, tal5ing to a friend or 7al5ing do7n the street6 Because you are

enoying it, your 4ody 7ill automatically produce feel-good chemicals in your 4rain6 )our 4rainand your 4odyM 7ill 7or5 4etter?and 4est of all, your nervous system 7ill 4e singing, rather than

4u<<ing 7ith stress6

he follo7ing e;ercise 7ill allo7 you to develop your sense of optimism6

E.ERCISE "": DE5ELOIN+ A SENSE OF OTI0IS0



36 a5e a moment to thin5 4ac5 to a time 7hen you 7ere really loo5ing for7ard to something6

)ou may have to go all the 7ay 4ac5 to childhood, to those times li5e Christmas #ve, or the

morning of your 4irthday6 his should 4e a time 7hen you 7ere completely, unreservedly happy

in your anticipation6

16 (mplify the attractive :ualities of the e;perience6

Close your eyes6 No7 visuali<e the e;perience6 !a5e the picture 4ig and shiny turn up the

sounds of e;citement until the 7hole e;perience sings 7ith anticipation6 hen flip the picture

around6 Picture yourself stepping inside from the 4ac5 and melding into the self in that image6

6 Bathe in that good feeling for a 7hile?and lift your head and smile6

he physical act of pulling up the corners of the mouth directly and positively affects your mood6

33M !a5e the feeling that accompanies the smile even stronger 4y focusing on it6 No7 spin that

feeling throughout your 4ody6 eel yourself, :uite literally, lightening up6

26 No7, mentally run through an average day, from 7a5ing up in the morning to drifting off to

sleep at night 7hile holding on to this feeling6

(s you@re recalling an average day, carry through this e;perience of oyful anticipation each step

of the 7ay6 Do this several times, amplifying your responses each time, remem4ering that the

future is only as 4right as the pictures in your mind6

E6 hroughout the day, test your optimism response6

est your response 4y going 4ac5 to see if you can feel any 5ind of lac5 of enthusiasm for the restof today, and all the days and nights to come?and, notice ho7 difficult this is6 't is a lot less easy,

simply 4ecause you have disconnected the neural path7ay that made feeling unenthusiastic

possi4le6



F6 or the ne;t seven days, run this protocol three times a day and, 7hen you reach Step Fo2r ,

pop in an upcoming tas5?anything from 7ashing the dishes to doing your ta;es6

rue, if you 7or5 at it, you could get 4ac5 to the pain and 4oredom, 4ut you 7ill discover it no

longer comes naturally, even though you are thin5ing the same thoughts6 his is ho7 you develop

freedom of choice6

(t the end of the 7ee5, mar5 your level of optimism on the scale of @A;A<A=AA


B(C9 % %P

0EETIN+ NEED $:

REDICTABILIT/ AND ANTICIATION

he a4ility to predict certain events 7ith reasona4le accuracy has served our species as a

survival tool6 )et li5e all tools, predicta4ility can 4e ineffective in the 7rong hands or used 7ithout

correct techni:ues6

Centuries ago if a hunter made a successful 5ill in a certain part of the savannah, he@d 4e ustified

in predicting that the same thing could occur the ne;t day in the same location6 his a4ility to

anticipate the outcome of his 4ehavior and that of his fello7 tri4esmen undou4tedly improved his

and his community@s chances of survival6 #:ually, if he 7as attac5ed 4y a predator, he needed to

4e a4le to learn from the e;perience, to anticipate the possi4ility of it occurring again so he could

avoid losing his life the ne;t time he 7ent out to hunt6 'f his fear over7helmed him, causing him to

4e so paranoid that he never hunted again, he@d have starved to death6

#arly humans had to develop strategies that allo7ed them to udge 7ith a fair degree of accuracy

7hat 7as li5ely to happen ne;t6 (s Roc5efeller >niversity physiologist ay *eiss elegantly

demonstrated, even rats cope 4etter 7ith electric shoc5s if they hear a 7arning 4u<<er a moment

or t7o 4eing <apped6 "is study sho7ed that 5no7ing the shoc5 is a4out to come results in fe7er

ulcers and other degenerative signs of stress than if the shoc5s occur randomly6 332M



*hether anticipation reduces the impact of the stressful event 7hile it actually happens has yet to

4e esta4lished6 *hat is clear from several studies is that a person@s or rat@sM a4ility to rela;

4et7een stressful events is heightened 7hen either can predict a threatening or painful event6

his is a :uestion of 4alance6 People 7ho predict disaster at every turn seldom rela; and :uite

often drive themselves to an early grave6 (s 7ith our rose-colored glasses a4ove, 7e 7ant

people to temper their optimism 7ith realism6 emperance ensures survival, health and 7ell-

4eing6

Granted, people can@t predict everything that@s li5ely to happen, although this doesn@t stop many

from trying6 Consider the possi4ilities, though, if 7hat !oud 4e predicted reasona4ly accurately

helped people cope 4etter and move 4eyond even very demanding challenges6 'f the rats in

*eiss@s e;periments could spea5, they might tell us that 4y learning to anticipate an electric

shoc5, they could fortify themselves against the discomfort simply through the 5no7ledge thatthey 5ne7 they 7ould survive6 "umans have an even greater advantage6 *e can anticipate

consciously, and there4y change our response6

#very 4usiness e;ecutive and successful entrepreneur 5no7s, for every important plan or proect,

alternative strategies must 4e planned in the event things do not go as anticipated6 Planning in

the event of failure is not the same as planning for failure6 Both your primary and your 4ac5up

plans should have coping and achieving something on, or near, target as their endpoint6 'n

e;treme cases, that endpoint may 4e, or include, survival6 *e regard that as a result6

he follo7ing e;ercise is designed to improve your a4ility to anticipate and respond appropriately

to life@s inevita4le curve-4alls6

E.ERCISE "#: ANTICIATIN+ CHALLEN+ES6 ACHIE5IN+ SUCCESS

36 hin5 a4out the various challenges you@ve faced in your life to date6



"ere is a truth )ou survived them all, even though your coping strategies at the time might not

have 4een as elegant or as effective as you@d prefer6 he fact is you survived6 *e 5no7 that

4ecause you are reading this6 'n the process of doing 7hatever you did to get through your crises,

you anticipated, or at the very least hoped for survival6 Guess 7hatA 't 7or5ed6

16 Close your eyes and select one incident from your past that 7as frightening 4ut you made it

through6

$elect one incident in the past 7hen you 5ne7 you@d survived a difficult challenge6 $tep into the

moment 7hen you reali<ed that you could cope 7ith the pro4lem6 $ee, hear and feel everything

you e;perienced at the time, in particular, recalling the feelings of escape, relief, even euphoria6

6 *ith your eyes still closed, allo7 the feelings to rise up in you6 Loop this feeling over and over,

li5e replaying your favorite song, spinning the sensations faster6

(s the feelings spin faster and faster, allo7 them to e;pand out7ards until they permeate your

entire 4ody6 eel these sensations surrounding every organ, system and cell, until they e;tend a

fe7 inches outside your 4ody, enclosing you completely in a transparent shell of shimmering

energy6 9no7 that only neutral and positive thoughts and actions can penetrate this shell in either

direction6 (ny other energy, especially potentially damaging events, 7ill 4e 4loc5ed, or

transformed on contact6

26 Picture the past timeline you used in a previous e;ercise6

loat up and 4ac5 a4ove your past timeline, 4ringing the spinning feelings 7ith you6 Drop do7n in

the moment immediately follo7ing your 4irth, and then move rapidly up through all your past

e;periences to the present day as if you 7ere actually reliving them all no7, completely protected

inside your energy shell6 (llo7 these ne7 resources to transform the 7ay you@ve 4een relating to

your past e;periences6 rust your unconscious to 5no7 7hat to change and ho76 $imply hold onto the positive, spinning feelings as you roc5et into the present6

#very so often, one of the challenges from your past fires at you at supersonic speed6 "ear the

sound and feel the impact as it hits your energy shell6 't can@t hurt you anymore6 $ee a flash of

colored light, and give it a distinctive ne7 sound, Spat7 Choose a sound that 7or5s for youM6 %ne



4y one, the challenges from the past hit your protective energy shell, e;plode and are

transformed into a ne7 and positive source of po7er for you6 eel a olt of po7er each time the

missile hits6 Literally, 7hat didn@t 5ill you has made you stronger6

E6 *hen you reach the present on your life timeline, settle in and enoy the feeling of 4u<<ing

energy as you 7atch yourself moving into the future6

)our future timeline no7 has a secondary timeline running parallel to it6 his is 7here you place

your alternative plans?the ones you can fall 4ac5 on if your original plan fails6

(s your protected future self moves confidently ahead, he or she has the de;terity to dodge many

challenges6 $ometimes, you 7ill s7itch easily on to your secondary line, and then move 4ac5 on

to your primary future timeline6 (s you <oom into the future see any challenges you encounterslamming into your protective shell6 hey can@t hurt you6 hey can only 4e transformed in flashes

of light, follo7ed 4y your distinctive sound6 )ou may even represent the transformation of

negative into positive energy 4y increasing the shimmer or glo7 of your shell, or changing its

color6

F6 Repeat steps five and si; several times6

he purpose of this is to familiari<e yourself 7ith the process of anticipating challenges and4ecome increasingly adept at responding to them6 9no7 that each time you move through to the

other side of a challenging e;perience 7ith the a4ility to cope, you@re literally training your

nervous system to 4ecome stronger, 7iser and a4le to flourish6

(fter completing this e;ercise, measure your confidence at facing future challenges on a scale of

0-E 7ith <ero 4eing terrified 7ith no confidence and five 4eing confident that you@ll find a 7ay to

overcome 7hatever life chooses to thro7 at you @A;A<A=AA

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over 4alancing the energy and entropy in your life6 *ith greater control, the more creative you

4ecome, and the more choices you discover6

Being "appy, li5e 4eing healthy, is an ongoing, dynamic and interactive process6 he more you

ta5e control of the process, the greater the 4enefits you e;perience6 (t least part of your life

usually the part 7here you go to 7or5 and earn a livingM involves massive engagement6 #ven if,

li5e the young multimillionaire previously mentioned you enoy every moment, it still impacts your

4rain as stress6 $ince evolution has provided you 7ith only t7o functional categories, that of

gro7th and that of protection, it is vitally important that you protect yourself throughout your life6 'n

other 7ords, you need to effectively dissipate entropy6 33EM Cells that are not gro7ing are dying6

!uscles that are not 4eing used are atrophying6 'f you do not succeed in dissipating the 7aste

products of energy consumption, you ris5 shifting your entire system into a state of increasing

chaos6 his often manifests in t7o classes of symptomatic 4ehavior anger mar5ed 4y irrita4ility

and e;plosive out4urstsM and 7ithdra7al usually characteri<ed 4y an;iety and depressionM6

(s any gym addict 5no7s, vigorous activity goes a long 7ay to7ards dissipating stress6 Recent

studies sho7 that regular e;ercise has the po7er to alter neurotransmitters in the 4rain\s frontal

corte; and the hippocampus 4oth parts of your emotional circuitryM6 #;ercise acts on the

neurohormones that govern the stress response, thus improving the functioning of the vagus

nerve, an important modulator of stressful feelings6 33FM he good ne7s is you may need much

less e;ercise than 7as at first 4elieved6 British professor of e;ercise 4iology ames immons has

found that short 4ursts of intense activity four to si; F0-second sprints three times a 7ee5M may

4e enough to cut the ris5 of heart diseases and ype '' Dia4etes in as little as 32 days6 33.M

Beneficial as it is, e;ercise has limitations6 Researcher and neuroscientist $teven * Porges

4elieves the calm that follo7s e;cessive ogging or some other aero4ic e;ercise is more

analgesic than curative6 33/M +igorous e;ercise attac5s stress at the visceral level, meaning it

operates 7ithin the fight@ 4ranch of the fight or flight response6

hese findings reinforce much of 7hat 7e have previously stated6 (ppropriate activity, 4alanced

7ith good friends, fre:uent laughter and face-to-face contact 7ith other people, as 7ell as

regulation of your heart-rate through meditation, self-hypnosis, yoga and 4reathing techni:ues,represent important activities for re7iring your neural circuitry6

herefore our 4est adviceA 9eep engaged and moving 7hile setting aside time to pursue some of

the techni:ues aimed at deploying the higher system through creative engagement li5e dra7ing,

7riting, reading, gardening, photography or anything else that you enoy6 *e suggest you 4egin a



program that includes regular physical e;ercise6 'f you are not sure 7here to start or have little

free time, try e;perimenting 7ith Professor immons@ short sprint approach previously descri4ed

and com4ine it 7ith one of the self-regulating techni:ues in (ppendi; C6

(fter three 7ee5s, score yourself6 "o7 calm and 4alanced do you feel in all aspects of your lifeA

Ran5 yourself on a scale of <ero to five 7ith <ero 4eing totally stressed-out and five 4eing

completely stress-free @+;+<+=++

'n the follo7ing chapter, 7e invite you to em4ar5 on argua4ly the most important aspect of Being

"appy=learning to identify and apply your uni:ue sense of purpose, mission and meaning6

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REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER TEN

3316 77764uffalo6edJne7sJ/21E

336 9lein5e, C6L6, Peterson, 6R6, & Rutledge, 6R6 3/M6 #ffects of self-generated facial

e;pressions on mood6 ournal of Personality and $ocial Psychology, .2, 1.1-1.

6

3326 *eiss , Psychological factors in stress and disease, $cientific (merican 11F une 3.1M302

33E6 Lipton B" 100/M6 he Biology of Belief, revised ed6 Carls4ad C( "ay "ouse

33F6 7776psychologytoday6comJarticlesJ10003Jmove-4oost-mood

33.6 immons ( et al 100M6 #;tremely short duration high intensity interval training

su4stantially improves insulin action in young healthy males6 B!C #ndocrine Disorders 100,

33/6 Gold $6 ( "igher Road to Rela;ation6 Psychology oday ulyJ(ugust 100.M E.-E/

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B(C9 % %P

http://www.buffalo.ed/news/8425

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200301/move-boost-mood

http://www.buffalo.ed/news/8425

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200301/move-boost-mood



CHATER ELE5EN: FINDIN+ /OUR 0EANIN+ AND

0ISSION

'n this chapter

O "o7 to 5eep your life on trac5

O )our motivational hot-4uttons

O *hy affirmations don@t 7or5

O Rapid-response mission control6 KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Businesses create mission statements to inspire the confidence of customers and to rally

employees around the company flag6 (dmittedly, many of these statements are created 4y high-

minded e;ecutives or corporate consultants, engraved on to a 4rass plate, and left in the foyer of

the company@s head:uarters, never to 4e referred to again6 (ll too often the sentiments, ho7ever

admira4le, have little or no resonance in the hearts and minds of employers or employees6 he

reasonA 'nsufficient attention is paid to the true values upon 7hich the company 7as originallyfounded6 he phrases seem soulless6 hey are not rooted in 7hat is really important to the

people involved or to the products or services they provide6

+alues represent the unconscious drivers of our thoughts, feelings and 4ehaviors6 hey are 7hat

7e 4elieve at the deepest level is important a4out any area of our life6 +alues are the hot 4uttons@

that motivate or dissuade us throughout our lives6

Companies in touch 7ith their real values, those that inspire individuals and groups of li5e-minded

people, inevita4ly create value for their customers and their employees6 People sense the

difference 4et7een high-minded rhetoric and a genuine, passionately held commitment6 he

companies 7hose values are genuine and resonant 4ecome and remain household names6 hey

maintain the trust and confidence of their customers and staff, in even the stormiest economic

and political 7eather6



( successful mission statement acts as an organi<ing principle, a moral compass for everyone

involved in that 4usiness@ operations6 *hen meaning and mission com4ine, something greater

than the sum of its parts emerges6 *hen that happens, the company@s chances of surviving and

flourishing are dramatically increased6

THE BUSINESS OF /OU UNLI0ITED

*hat do meaning and mission statements have to do 7ith people adept in the art of Being

"appyA

he ans7er is = e(eryt"ing7

(s 7e said in the previous chapter, developing optimism is a 5ey part of our Being "appy

program6 *hen 7e spea5 of optimism, 7e mean more than loo5ing at the glass as half-full6 *e

7ant people to loo5 for glasses that are 4rimming over 7ith opportunity6 *e 7ant people to loo5

past the limits of a finite container6 *e 7ant you to thin5 more e;pansively than you have ever

thought 4efore6

%f course, none of this 7ill 7or5 unless it aligns 7ith your deepest needs and purposes6

'dentifying and implementing these needs and purposes re:uires targeted specificity6

!any people 4elieve repeating affirmations, such as, H)ou are already healthy, 7ealthy and living

7ith the person of your dreamsI, 7ill accomplish this6 his rarely 7or5s largely due to the fact

these thoughts often do not represent the person@s true values6 +alues generally are held

unconsciously and, therefore, you may not notice a conflict at first6 *hat you 7ill notice is that you

spend a lot of time and effort on 7idening the gap 4et7een 7hat you 7ant and 7hat you get6

$imply repeating something that is not true no7 is unli5ely to ma5e it true later6 he e;ceptions to

this are

36 'f the statement is driven 4y your deepest values

16 )ou do something to achieve it that is different from 7hat you have 4een doing so far6



TO BE SUCCESSFUL6 STUD/ THE SUCCESSFUL

he people 7ho have impressed us 4y their attitudes and actions all displayed a deeply held

purpose or mission6 !eaning and mission, 7e strongly 4elieve, e;plain 4oth the 7hy@ and the

ho7@ of their success6 he challenge to those of us applying the principles of NLP is in figuringout ho7 these high achievers do it and translating their actions into a process anyone can

duplicate to create similar results6

$uccessful people often do not consciously understand or even 5no7 that they are ma5ing their

7ay through life 7ith mission and purpose6 'n many cases it is intuitive6 !any have 4een

surprised and delighted 7hen they applied the process outlined 4elo7 to discover ho7 close the

match 7as 4et7een 7hat they did, ho7 they did it and the feeling that they someho7 ust 5ne7

7hen something 7as right6 his is one of the pillars of 7hat cheerful, optimistic and successful

people call intuition or gut feeling@6 Consciously or unconsciously they ta5e readings from aninner compass that helps them navigate the 7hite 7ater of even the most challenging situations6

he rest of this chapter outlines a simple and effective 7ay to uncover your deepest values, and

to create a personal mission statement that 7ill help carry you through good times and 4ad6 %nce

you have successfully completed this e;ercise, you 7ill have a valua4le tool that allo7s you to

thin5 more clearly, lo7er stress levels and to decide 4et7een t7o apparently competing courses

of action6 )ou 7ill develop fle;i4ility and an enthusiasm for living life up@6 %f course, there 7ill 4e

side-effects, including increased personal magnetism, apparently ine;plica4le coincidences that

support your plans, and improved health6

E.ERCISE "$: CREATIN+ /OUR ERSONAL 0ISSION STATE0ENT

#ffective mission statements have three :ualities in common passion, purpose and direction6

)our mission statement should also respect and support your values regarding your relationships

7ith other people, yourself, and the 7orld6 >sing a process 7e call chun5ing@ 4rea5ing

information into progressively smaller 4itsM, the follo7ing e;ercise 7ill help you uncover your

uni:ue spin on these :ualities6 a5e your time6 Prepare to surprise yourself6



(ns7er these three :uestions

36 *hat is important to me a4out my relationships 7ith other peopleA

*rite do7n your ans7er, as5ing yourself

H*hat@s important a4out thatAI

H*hat does that give me that is even 4igger than simply connecting 7ith othersAI

9eep repeating the :uestions until you can go no further6 )ou 7ill 5no7 you have e;hausted your

introspection 7hen you feel there is nothing 4eyond this core value6 )our ans7er 7ill ta5e theform of a nominali<ation an a4stract nounM, often representing some e;pansive, even spiritual,

:uality6 *ords such as love@, fulfillment@, 4elonging@ are often encountered6

16 *hat is important to me a4out my relationship 7ith myselfA

Repeat the process a4ove until you arrive at the core valuesM relating to yourself6

6 *hat is important to me a4out my relationship 7ith my 7orldA

his is an opportunity to e;plore your deepest feelings a4out your ties to the greater human

community on this planet and the specific environment in 7hich you live6

26 %nce you complete the identification process a4ove, the ne;t step is the creative part of the

e;ercise6 %n a separate piece of paper 7rite the follo7ing 7ords

H!y mission in life is to =I

Complete this sentence using each of the three 5ey :ualities you listed in steps 3, 1 and 6 'f your

three :ualities had 4een, say, love@ peace@ and regeneration@, your first draft might read



H!y mission is to see5 loving and peaceful 7ays to help myself and others regenerate our

relationships 7ith each other and 7ith our 7orld6I

Do not 7orry if your first draft seems clumsy or cheesy6 No4ody else needs to see it and you are

not 4eing graded6 )ou are entirely free of udgment6 *hat is important is that you 7rite from the

heart6

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B(C9 % %P

REFININ+ /OUR ERSONAL 0ISSION STATE0ENT

rom no7 on, you 7ill 4e refining the sentence in successive drafts until you create the sentence

7hich resonates 4est 7ith you6 't 7ill 4e the statement that someho7 ust feels right6 )ou 7ill

intuitively 5no7 this6

he follo7ing tips 7ill help you to perfect your mission statement

>sing 7hatever time you have on this planet is important if you 7ish to live a purposeful and

fulfilling life6 ry to incorporate the concept of time into the ne;t draft, if it@s not already there6 or

e;ample

H!y mission in life is to use my time, 7ith complete focus, to see5 out opportunities to help myself

and others find loving and peaceful 7ays to regenerate our relationships 7ith each other and 7ith

our 7orld6I

Convert as many nominali<ations and vague descriptive 7ords as you can into action 7ords to

restore a sense of dynamic process6 Recast yourself as the agent of action6 !a5e sure the

mission is stated in the present tense6 or e;ample

H' use this and every other moment to help myself and others find loving and peaceful 7ays ofregenerating the 7ay 7e relate 7ith each other and our 7orld6I

eel free to re7rite your mission statement as many times as you need, refining it until you arrive

at a sentence that triggers an almost visceral response, that a"a7 moment of internal resonance6

)ou 7ill 5no7 7hen it is the right mission for you6



HO4 TO USE /OUR ERSONAL 0ISSION STATE0ENT

Commit to revie7ing your mission statement at least once a day6 o ma5e this easy, 7rite it on an

inde; card that fits easily into your 7allet or poc5et4oo56 %r tape it to your shaving or ma5e-up

mirror so it is one of the first things you see each morning6

)ou can also 7rite or print a larger version to tape up on your computer screen, or the 7all of

your 4edroom or office6 )ou might enoy creating a special version for this purpose, decorating it

7ith colors, s5etches, photographs, or pictures cut out from maga<ines that sym4oli<e one or

another aspect of the sentiments contained in your mission statement6 By harnessing the natural

po7er of your unconscious mind, especially your internal compass, the Reticular (ctivating

$ystem R($M, regular revie7 of your personal mission statement 4egins to organi<e and fine-

tune your e;perience, thus allo7ing you to control of your time and your life6

0A-IN+ CHOICES AND DECISIONS

%nce you have created a mission statement that incorporates your deepest feelings a4out the

most effective and enoya4le use of your time and your commitment to living meaningful a life of

passion and purpose, use it to help you ma5e decisions that other7ise might confuse you6 $implyrevie7 each alternative in turn and as5 yourself 7hich option fits the terms and conditions of your

mission statement most closely6 'n nearly every instance, the 4est decision for you at that time of

your life 7ill re-activate the same internal response you encountered 7hen you arrived at the final

version of your mission statement6

ONL/ ONE 0ISSION

%ften 7e are as5ed if personal mission statements are changea4le6 $ome people feel

uncomforta4le creating such a po7erful statement they fear it 7ill narro7 their choices rather

than increase their opportunities6

%ur ans7erA %f course it is changea4le 'n fact it must 4e dynamic6 Life thro7s curves 7e learn,

and as 7e learn sometimes 7e change our positions and our ideas6 )our personal mission



statement is a creation of your infinitely po7erful 4rain6 he 4rain is the only organ 7e 5no7 of

that has the capacity to evolve itself6 #ach time you have a ne7 thought, are e;posed to a ne7

idea or ta5e on a ne7 4ehavior, your 4rain creates ne7 neural connections6 'n Being "appy,

e;pect to develop and gro76 (s this happens, your mission 7ill also develop and gro76

*e recommend you revie7 your personal mission statement once a year6 eel free to re7rite it

7henever necessary6 *elcome ne7 thoughts and feelings6 Consider the many 7ays of

e;periencing yourself and the 7orld around you that 7ill naturally arise6 $ee if any of these add to

your mission or change it6 hen congratulate yourself6 "aving a mission and purpose in life, it is

called 4eing alive6

eel free to create lesser mission statements to help you handle specific tas5s in time-effective

and re7arding 7ays6 !ission statements help you stay in charge and succeed6 he follo7ing

e;ercise 7ill sho7 you ho76

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E.ERCISE "%: CREATIN+ RAID RESONSE 0ISSION STATE0ENTS

Consider a tas5 at hand, something you are 7or5ing on at home or at 7or56 his could 4e a

relationship, a proect, a ne7 4usiness, home improvements or helping your child6 $imply pic5 a

tas56

(s5 yourself H'f ' could achieve the 4est possi4le outcome here, 7hat 7ould that 4eAI

36 Descri4e the ultimate outcome as richly as possi4le, giving full attention to all your senses6

'magine you are e;periencing and enoying this outcome right no7 and 7rite do7n 7hat you see,

hear and feel6 (s5 yourself, H*hat@s most important to me a4out achieving this outcomeAI



9eep chun5ing, each time as5ing the :uestion, H*hat@s important to me a4out 7hatever the

ans7er 7as to the :uestion that preceded itMAI

16 Revie7 your ans7ers to the :uestions and re-arrange them in order of importance6

6 >nderline the 5ey nominali<ations e6g6, peace, love, success, approval, happiness, etc=M6

>se these as a 4asis for your first draft6

26 Re7rite your statement several times and fine-tune it for clarity6

!a5e sure you restore process or action to any nominali<ations6 >sually this can 4e

accomplished 4y adding the suffi; ing@ to the end of each 7ord6 or e;ample the 7ord

relationship 4ecomes relating love 4ecomes loving etc666 !a5e sure your statement is in the

present tense and that it includes the concept of time6

E6 Chec5 the statement against the original tas5 or proect to ma5e sure it dovetails neatly6

F6 !a5e regular chec5s along the 7ay to ensure your actions stay aligned 7ith your important

values6

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B(C9 % %P

AUTO0ATIN+ /OUR ERSONAL 0ISSION STATE0ENT

$ince the 4rain sometimes has difficulty in distinguishing 4et7een useful and not-so-useful

4ehaviors, you need to prime it to ensure you 5eep moving in the right direction6 Read your

mission statementsM regularly6 $tep into your visuali<ed outcome often6 >se all your senses to

create a virtual-reality representation of living every moment em4edded in its principles6 Repeat

this step last thing at night and first thing in the morning6



(s you go for7ard through life, measure your progress6 Do this 4y noticing 7hat is different and

4etter, rather than 4y 7hat still has not 4een resolved or remains a pro4lem6 *ith regular revie7,

you increase your automatic tendency to7ards the right action or response6 )ou learn to trust

your instincts6 he more useful and appropriate your feelings, 4ehaviors and responses are, the

less time or inclination you have for feeling do7n, over7helmed or perple;ed 4y any situation you

encounter6 his is the ultimate goal you in control6 *hen you are in control, Being "appy is one

of life@s re7ards6

%f course 7e 7ant to ma5e this process as simple as possi4le, something that eventually you 7ill

do instinctively 7ithout needing consciously to follo7 specific steps6 he secret to this is

repetition6 Do it often and soon it 7ill 4ecome automatic, rather li5e the 7ay you learned to ride a

4i5e, read or 7al56 Before long, you 7ill simply 5no7 7hat to do and you 7ill ust do it6 Getting to

that point re:uires em4edding it into your life6 he follo7ing e;ercise ma5es that possi4le as:uic5ly as possi4le6

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E.ERCISE "&: E0BEDDIN+ /OUR 0ISSION STATE0ENT IN /OUR LIFE

36 (s intensely as possi4le, thin5 a4out someone or something for 7hich you are deeply grateful6

!a5e the feeling of gratitude as unconditional as possi4le6 Recalling your love for a small child or

a pet 7or5s for many people6 (s you thin5 a4out this particular feeling, locate 7here this

feelingJemotion resides in your 4ody6 %ften it is in the chest, around the area of the heart6 $ome

people e;perience deep gratitude as a 7arm, flo7ing sensation6 Not al7ays of course6 *herever

you feel that emotion of gratitude and love, and e;actly ho7 you feel it is right for you6



Don@t 7orry a4out putting in any e;periences or incidents6 $imply imagine a path7ay as if it 7ere

a physical route, 4eginning at your 4irth and e;tending to the present6

1M Point to 7here this road seems to 4egin6

his is the start of your past timeline6 Notice its angle as it approaches your present, to 7here you

are no76

M Ne;t, thin5 of the future as if it 7ere a road or a path7ay6

Notice the direction it appears to follo76 his is your future timeline6

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HO4 DIFFERENT CULTURES ICTURE TI0E

*hen a *esterner is as5ed to visuali<e the past, he is li5ely to point 4ehind him, or to one side6

he future is in front, or continues on to the opposite side6

o Chinese, apanese and 'ndian Buddhists, $hintoists and "indu, ho7ever, time is cyclicalTa

5ind of infinite pulsation, in 7hich the Big Bang is ust a single 4eat in an endless, un4ounded

process of creation and dissolution6 or the (ymara, a tri4e living in the remote (ndes highlands,

on the other hand, the past lies in front of them6 $ince they haven@t seen it yet, the future simply

doesn@t feature in their 7orld vie76 33M he (ymara are, 4y *estern standards, an

e;traordinarily patient people, thin5ing nothing of spending half a day 7aiting for a 4us6

hen, there are the Piraha, a tiny tri4e 7ho live along the !aici River in $outh7est Bra<il6 he

Piraha organi<e time around events that occur in their environment6 *ith no 7ords for past orpresent, these happy and harmonious people eat, dance, play their musical instruments, ma5e

love and sleep according to the position of the sun, the flo7 of the river, the arrival of a certain

species of 4irds, or simply 7hen it feels right, rather than according to the cloc56 310M



THE INFLUENCES OF TI0E ON /OUR E.ERIENCE

rom its earliest days, Neuro-Linguistic Programming recogni<ed time as one of the more

important methods people use to organi<e their e;periences6 Despite certain commonalities

7ithin cultures, each of us has our o7n su4tly distinctive 7ay of distinguishing 4et7een the pastand the future6 (dditionally, the speed 7ith 7hich time seems to pass may differ, not only

4et7een individuals, 4ut according to your state of health, 7hat you are doing, the recreational

drugs or medications you might 4e ta5ing, your 4ody temperature and even your social class6

313M

rom all of the a4ove, it is easy to recogni<e that time is a personal construct6 't is part of your

su4ective model of reality6 (s such, it 7ill have a direct 4earing on your e;perience6

he 7ay people tal5 a4out time provides us 7ith important clues as to ho7 it@s li5ely to influencetheir e;perience6 ime often seems to have an energy, purpose and direction of its o7n6 ime

drags, flies or disappears6 )ou either move through time or time carries you 7ith it6 $ometimes,

it@s e;perienced as an o4ect that you use, lose, save, spend or 7aste6 %ccasionally, you can

manage time6 hen again time is rarely on your side so you continue to put things off6

ime is a concept, rather than a thing6 )our timeline simply represents ho7 your unconscious

codes time in terms of distance and space6 he coding you use can either 7ea5en or empo7er

you6

)our personal timeline represents something far more comple; than itself6 hin5 of it as a

metaphor, simply one manner in 7hich you structure your perceptions and understandings of

yourself and the 7orld around you6 311M Logically, then, it follo7s that 4y changing the

perception, you change the e;perience6

Consider a person 7ho seems incredi4ly 7ell-organi<ed, 7ho 5no7s e;actly 7here everything is,

ma5es and 5eeps appointments meticulously, and plans, not only to get his 7or5 done, 4ut also

to have fun6 No7 contrast that 7ith someone 7ho@s never on time, ma5es promises that he never

5eeps and ust can@t seem to 5eep up 7ith the people around him6 *ho 7ould you prefer as a

friend or an employeeA

*hen you identify and learn to manage your o7n timeline, you 7ill have a po7erful tool that

permits you to 4oth diagnose pro4lems and to create a more appropriate and appealing future6

Consider 7hen you feel an;ious6 (n;iety essentially is mentally proecting into the future a



possi4ly negative outcome, 7hereas feeling depressed is almost inevita4ly associated 7ith a

focus on the past6 Passion, oy, peace, 4liss, all the en-li5e pea5 flo7 e;periences manifest

e;clusively in the present tense6 he sense of an infinite present@ is characteristic of many

e;periences in deep meditation6

Despite having e;traordinarily accurate 4iological cloc5s, humans have developed a multitude of

7ays in 7hich they e;perience linear time6 #ven if you play tennis at an average level of

competence, you@ve already e;perienced your a4ility to coordinate do<ens, if not hundreds, of

movements, some of them lasting less than 3J30 of a second, simply to 4e a4le to hit the 4all6

hen 7e have the times that appear in Hslo7 motionI, such as during a fall or car accident6

Loo5ing 4ac5 at such an incident, people can usually remem4er ama<ingly fine details, as if

recorded on some super-high definition camera6

Generally, if you have lots to do, time seems to pass :uic5ly6 'f not, it drags6 he younger you are,the slo7er time passes6 By the time you hit middle age, t7enty years ago can seem li5e

yesterday6

$cientists remain divided a4out the significance of the 4rain@s dependency upon countless

clusters of neurons rather than a single 4iological cloc5 for our sense of time6 hey agree,

ho7ever, that ho7 humans sense the passage of time is remar5a4ly easily distorted6 'f it can 4e

distorted, it can also 4e molded to more desira4le outcomes6 his is one of the tools of Being

"appyTthe a4ility to manipulate your e;perience of time, the se:uence and significance of

events, to your advantage6 Not doing so can have unfortunate and confusing conse:uences6

TI0E SHIFTIN+

%ne client, 7ho complained of stress at his highly placed government 7or5place, arrived at his

first session spea5ing in a lo7, slo7, dra7n-out tone of voice6 *hen he moved his 4ody or made

a gesture, it seemed as if he 7as struggling through 7arm molasses6 "e spo5e a4out not having

any friends, 4eing una4le to Hfit inI6 Conventional medicine descri4ed him as having a HdepressedaffectI6 *hen as5ed if he 7as a7are of ho7 slo7ly and deli4erately and ho7 4oringlyM he spo5e,

he shrugged6 H't@s not me,I he said6 Hhe 7orld ust moves too fast6I

*e as5ed him to close his eyes and listen to an electronic metronome set at different speeds until

he found one he felt matched the si;ty 4eats a second of e;ternal cloc5 time6 Needless to say, his

estimate 7as far from accurate6 $ince he 7as already drifting into an altered state, he 7as



allo7ed to sit for some time, listening to the metronome accompanied 4y a num4er of

suggestions a4out resetting his internal time-5eeping mechanisms6 During this time, 7e gradually

adusted the metronome until it 7as set at F0 4eats per minute6 *hen the client opened his eyes,

the rate and pitch of his voice 7ere normal and his movements natural and easy6 "e reported that

the 7orld seemed to have slo7ed do7n to a managea4le speed and he felt rela;ed and confident

Teven though he had no su4ective a7areness that his speech and mannerisms had changed

dramatically6`

he a4ove is an illustration of a simple NLP techni:ue6 Notice no drugs, long-term counseling or

intensive group therapy sessions 7ere needed6

THROU+H TI0E AND IN TI0E

Despite scientific interest in time and its impact on our su4ective e;perience, NLP remains the

only methodology offering practical techni:ues to manipulate its effects6 he early developers of

NLP made t7o 4road distinctions in the 7ay people code time6 hey accomplished this 4y as5ing

a series of :uestions a4out ho7 each su4ect remem4ered certain repetitive tas5s6 rom this

information, they mapped the direction from past to future and then determined 7hether the

timeline appeared to 4e outside the su4ect or to pass through his or her 4ody6

he first pattern, in 7hich your timeline seems to e;tend from one side of your 4ody to the other,often in front of you, is called T"roug" Time6 *here the timeline passes through your 4ody from

4ac5 to front, the pattern is 5no7n as In Time6 housands of su4ects from all 7al5s of life have

demonstrated that even 7ithin these t7o constraints, a massive num4er of variations are

possi4le6

Go 4ac5 to the e;ercise you did at the 4eginning of this chapter and revie7 the directions in 7hich

your past and future timelines run6 Cultural differences not7ithstanding, your o7n time-metaphor

may reflect your present state of mind and your current state of physical and emotional health6

T"roug" Time people sometimes report feeling detached from the flo7 of life, 7hile those 7ith In

Time coding sometimes suffer from partial amnesia, particularly if their past is organi<ed directly

4ehind their heads, almost as if it is hidden from vie76 "eroin addicts 7ho relapse often report a

past situated 4ehind the head, almost as if it is hidden from vie76 his coding suggests an

ina4ility to see the past and therefore to learn from past e;perience6



!any people struggling 7ith chronic pro4lems and 7ho are not (ymaraM, as 7ell as those 7ho

complain they do not or cannot learn from mista5es, organi<e their past in front of them6 heir

4ehavior suggests they can@t avoid past patterns and are condemned to repeat them in an

endless 5round"og Day -type loop6 or these people, their future timeline is either 4ehind them or

totally o4scured6

(nother variation occurs 7here past and future are organi<ed in a +-shape in front of the su4ect6

his may 4e useful, especially 7here rapid comparisons 4et7een past events and future actions

are necessary for ma5ing appropriate plans and decisions6 "o7ever, if the t7o arms of the +@ are

too close together, past and future may accidentally map across each other 7ith potentially

confusing and detrimental results6

%ne client, a 7riter of self-help 4oo5s, sought a consultation 4ecause she 7as over7helmed 4y

her 7or5 and personal responsi4ilities6 ( little investigation revealed the future 7as representedas a gigantic chute, funneling do7n to7ards her6 'nstead of her moving into the future, she

e;perienced the future as an avalanche of demands and o4ligations coming to7ards her6

(nother client reported she felt trapped 4y her past, and found herself Humping up and do7n on

the same spotI, rather than moving for7ard6 "er past 7as arranged as a high 7all, completely

enclosing her6 $he only had 4rief glimpses of the future 7hen she umped to see over the 7all6

Not surprisingly, she remar5ed on several occasions that the demands of her o4 made her

Hnervous and umpyIM6

)et another client, a 7oman 7ho spent si; months of the year travelling in (sia 4uying e;otic

e7elry, 4ecame so disoriented 7henever she returned to the *est that she feared for her mental

health6 't emerged that she found it easy to s7itch to H'ndian timeITslo7er and less demandingT

4ut didn@t reali<e she needed to readust to a different timeline on her return6 *hen she 7as

schooled in the possi4ility of having t7o timelines, each serving a different purpose, her pro4lems

disappeared6

inally, a friend 5no7n for driving his associates cra<y 4y al7ays getting distracted on the 7ay to

his appointments, visuali<es his future timeline 7ith numerous, e;citing little side roads6 #achtime he sets out for a meeting, something catches and diverts his attention a7ay from his plans6

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E.ERCISE "(: THE TI0ELINE AS A DIA+NOSTIC TOOL

36 #;amine the organi<ation of your timeline

's it a hrough ime or 'n ime timelineA Does it +@ out 4efore youA Does it have lots of side

roadsA $imply loo5 at it 7ithout ma5ing any effort to change it6

16 (s5 yourself the follo7ing :uestion

H'f my timeline 7ere real rather than visuali<ed, ho7 7ould it 4e responsi4le for, or affect, my

pro4lems, and the 7ay ' currently feel a4out my lifeAI

hin5 specifically a4out the degree of success you@ve e;perienced in reaching goals, 5eeping

appointments, moving 4eyond your past negative e;periences and for7ard into the future6

6 Notice 7hether your timeline functions as a metaphor to 5eep you stuc5 in your pro4lem state6

*hen visuali<ing your past and future timeline6 >se the follo7ing :uestions to analy<e your

status

O (re you 4loc5ed, 7alled in or trappedA

O (re you una4le to see a future, e6g6 your timeline after a certain point seems to disappear in a

fogA

O Do you find you can@t 4rea5 free from the pastA

O Do you have a ha4it of putting things offA (re your plans situated on your timeline, or are they

floating freely a4out in spaceAM



O (re you short of time or running out of time in relation to your life goals, hopes and dreamsA

O "o7 is your life in relation to your use of timeA (re you losing, saving, 7asting or spending

timeA

26 "o7 do you 5no7 this is the caseA

Notice ho7 your o7n personal timeline construct ma5es this a reality for you6

$ince timelines are personal constructs, it follo7s that you can organi<e and reorgani<e them

7hichever 7ay you li5e6 )ou can have more than one timeline each perhaps serving a different

purposeM, and you can amend them if they stop serving their original purpose6

!any people 7hose timelines follo7 the T"roug" Time model 4enefit 4y simply repositioning their

timeline so that it passes through their 4ody6 !etaphorically spea5ing, they step 4ac5 into their

life, ta5ing control in situations they previously felt 7ere someho7 4eyond their reach6

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B(C9 % %P

TI0ELINES AND TRAU0ATIC E.ERIENCES

$ince o4sessive thin5ing, over7helming memories, a trou4led childhood may, in fact, 4e playing

and replaying li5e a su4liminal movie inside your unconscious visual field, it ma5es sense to

move the past timeline 4ehind youTat an angle, rather than directly 4ehind your head, so that it

is outside of even your peripheral vision, 4ut is still positioned so that you can loo5 4ac5 at your

past, for all the memories, lessons and e;periences that comprise your life so far6

he follo7ing e;ercise places pro4lems and negative e;periences 7here they no longer influenceyou unconsciously and opens up your future, your personal domain of infinite possi4ilities6

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E.ERCISE "): CREATIN+ A ROBLE0 SOL5IN+ATTERN

36 'f your timeline seems to pass outside your 4ody, imagine dra7ing it to7ards you until you are

fully inside your timeline6

"ear it clic5 into place once you@re standing inside it6

16 Gra4 your past timeline at the very 4eginning and s7ing it around6

People 7ho recover :uic5ly from set4ac5s and 7ho follo7 all the principles of Being "appy often

advise friends 7ho are dealing 7ith pro4lems to Zust put it 4ehind you and move onZ6 his lets us

5no7 that they intuitively put their past e;periences 4ehind them, signaling to their unconscious

mind that the pro4lem is over and done 7ith6 $o, s7ing your past timeline around, either to the

right or the left, until it is positioned at an angle mid7ay 4et7een the 4ac5 of your head at the

edge of one shoulder6

Rest assured, everything you have learned, all your memories and all your e;periences, remain

in the correct order6 $imply, the entire collection of e;periences that ma5e up your past has

moved out of your immediate attention, and 4ac5 into the past 7here they 4elong6

6 Loc5 or tie your past timeline into its ne7 position 4y 7hatever means seems appropriate6

his is so your unconscious 5no7s that your timeline does not need to 7ander 4ac5 to its original

position out of sheer ha4it6

26 urn your attention to your future path7ay if necessary s7ing that path around until it opens

up directly in front of you6 $tretch, e;tend or 4uild upon it until it disappears over the hori<on6



his communicates to your unconscious in a language it understands that you have a long life

ahead of you6

E6 No7 7iden your future timeline so you have plenty of room for everything that the future has to

hold6

%nce you have done this, your unconscious 7ill 4egin to understand that you have the potential

for more options, opportunities, choices and adventures6

F6 No7 turn on the lights6

People 7ho naturally put the past 4ehind them often also tal5 a4out having a H4right futureI6*hen prompted, it emerges that this is precisely ho7 they code in the futureTas if it is light and

4right and hugely appealing6

+isuali<e your entire future path7ay 4athed in 4right and attractive light, ma5ing the colors

intense and vi4rant6 hin5 of it li5e a memora4le vacation, full of sunlight, ma5ing it as 4right as

possi4le6 $ee this as 7elcoming, e;citing and happy6 )our unconscious naturally moves a7ay

from dar5ness and to7ards light6

.6 est this pattern to see 7hether it suits all aspects of your personality6

Do this 4y going inside and literally as5ing of your inner self 7hether it is agreea4le to proceeding

7ith this construct in place6 'f it feels right, carry on to the ne;t stage6 'f there seems to 4e any

hesitation or o4ection, reassure the part concerned and re:uest it to try the ne7 pattern out for a

reasona4le period of time to esta4lish 7hether this is a useful development or not6 #;plain that

you can return your coding to its original pattern, or find a ne7 and 4etter pattern, if that turns out

to 4e prefera4le6

/6 Pause here and consider the pro4lem you identified in the e;ercise that precedes this and as5

yourself



E.ERCISE #*: THE BAC- TO THE FUTURE ATTERN

36 hin5 of a pro4lem to 7hich you have not yet 4een a4le to find a solution6

or the moment, move it 4ehind you on to your past timeline6

16 urn your attention to the future, and imagine you can see yourself dissociatedM moving

for7ard to a time 7here a solution to the pro4lem lies6

he travelers suffering from airsic5ness imagined seeing themselves in a time 7here a cure had

4een found and successfully administered6

6 +isuali<e yourself in as much detail as possi4le using the ne7 resource6

Pay particular attention to ho7 you 7ill 4e 4ehaving and spea5ing6 !a5e this as vivid as possi4le6

26 *hen you are happy 7ith the ne7, resourceful response, float into the future and do7n into thefuture you 7ho is already enoying the 4enefits of the change6

$ee through the eyes and hear 7ith the ears of that future and, most importantly, feel ho7 the

ne7 state e;presses itself, 4oth in your internal 5inesthetic ho7 you feel insideM, as 7ell as ho7

you move6

E6 loat up and 4egin to move 4ac5 in time, from your future self into the present, 4ringing your

future resources 7ith you6

Drop do7n into your 4ody in the present and allo7 your ne7 resources to settle in 4efore

completing the final step6



information, it may have done so for good reason6 't is our 4elief that the unconscious al7ays acts

protectively6 his may include giving you amnesia for certain events6`

#liciting and respecting the protective nature of your unconscious can have fascinating

conse:uences that reveal the creative nature of your inner processing6 ( 7oman 7ho consulted

us told ho7, as a trou4led 31-year-old, she had hidden a valua4le piece of e7elry some7here in

the family home 7hich 7as no7 due to 4e sold6 $he 7as 5een to remem4er 7here the piece had

4een hidden, 4ut 7as an;ious at the prospect of returning to the traumatic events of 7hen it had

happened6 %n the day she hid the e7elry her mother had 4een ta5en a7ay amid massive

upheaval to 4e hospitali<ed 7ith a serious, long-term mental illness6

(fter dra7ing a detailed floor plan of the three-storey house, she 7as invited to close her eyes

and given the follo7ing instruction

H)ou find it comforta4le and easy to return to that day, to do 7hatever you need to do in order to

complete your tas5T4ut not until your unconscious has agreed to protect you from trauma, fear,

sadness, or any other negative e;perience6 Do you agree to thisAI

he 7oman nodded and proceeded to imagine opening the front door of the family home to go

inside6 o her surprise, the ground floor 7as in total dar5ness6 $ince she 5ne7 the place

intimately, she 7as a4le to ma5e her 7ay through the dar5ness and up several flights of stairs6

he higher she clim4ed, the lighter her surroundings 4ecame, until she 7as 4rought to a halt near

the very top of the house6 here she remem4ered tuc5ing the nec5lace under the edge of thestair carpet6 $he then made her 7ay do7nstairs, out the front door and home6

he fact that she 7as a4le to remem4er 7here she had hidden something thirty years 4efore is

almost incidental to the e;traordinary fact that her unconscious adopted a particularly creative

7ay of o4scuring any of the distur4ing events that had ta5en place in the house on that day6

he follo7ing e;ercise helps us locate the cause or sensiti<ing incidentsM that may 4e involved in

any pro4lems you might have




E.ERCISE #!: THE SECRET OF THE RESENTIN+ AST

36 ocus for the moment on the issue that has 4een causing you pro4lems and that you suspect

has some origins some7here in your personal history6

Rather than spending time on revie7ing the details, simply pay attention to ho7 the feeling, that is

your 5inesthetic reaction, manifests in your 4ody6

16 (nchor that feeling 4y pressing firmly on a 5nuc5le of one hand6

6 'nvite your unconscious to follo7 the feeling 4ac5 in time6

$till holding the anchor, ride this sensation 4ac5 until you arrive at a point some time in your past6

Pay attention to any fleeting images that may occur6

26 *hen you reach the point of the suspected sensiti<ing incident, release your anchor and

in:uire of your unconscious 7hether this is the significant event6

)ou should e;perience a 4rief surge of the original feelings you had or may4e another distinctive

5inesthetic shiftM as confirmation6 'f there is no response, repeat the process as re:uired6


B(C9 % %P

FREEIN+ AND HEALIN+ /OURSELF FRO0 /OUR AST



he principles and techni:ues of Being "appy can all 4e applied historicallyTthat is, you can

mentally move 4ac5 in time to the point 7here the incident first arose and deal 7ith it then in a

7ay that prevents pro4lems developing later6

Current research suggests that traumas develop 7hen people perceive themselves as po7erless

coupled 7ith an ina4ility to protect themselves at the time the original event occurred6 (side from

the emotional distress caused 4y flash4ac5s and other symptoms of trauma, this sense of

helplessness can 4e highly to;ic6 'f left unresolved, it has 4een associated in later life, 7ith

alcoholism, depression, su4stance a4use, attempted suicide, eating disorders, chronic heart and

lung disease, cancer, stro5e and liver disease, in addition to a host of other dysfunctions and

diseases6 31M

he follo7ing e;ercise is particularly useful 4ecause it can 4oth restore your sense of control, and

help you vie7 the original event from a different, more resourceful, perspective6

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E.ERCISE #": HEALIN+ /OUR AST

36 %nce again, visuali<e your timeline and float up a4ove it6

16 loat 4ac5 in time to the point 7here the original sensiti<ing event occurred possi4ly revealed

4y the pre;io2s e<erciseM6

9eeping enough of a distance to allo7 you to vie7 the e;perience 7ith a measure of e:uanimity,

identify these t7o aspects

36 *hich resources or a4ilities 7ere you lac5ing at the time that 7ould have helped you deal

differently 7ith the event at the timeA



16 *hat or ho7 did you respond to the eventA e6g6 7ithdra7al, avoidance, anger, dissociation,

etcM6

6 'dentify the purpose of your response a4ove6

*hat did you hope to accomplishA 'n most situations, the 4ehavior is intended to protect you,

even though it may not have 4een particular comforta4le or effective at the time6 Don@t 7orry if

you regret your response at this time6 (ccept that all symptoms and 4ehaviors can 4e said to

have a positive intention6 )ou are simply analy<ing and revie7ing your actions and responses6

26 loat 4ac5 to the present6

Notice ho7 as an adult you have since developed more ofM the resource you lac5ed at an earlier

stage6 his 7ill 4e something li5e the a4ility to share your pro4lems, to spea5 up for yourself or to

tell an a4user to stop6

E6 'magine you can convert this a4ility into a sym4olic or metaphorical form choose a color, light,

shape, fire4all etc6

"url it 4ac5 do7n your past timeline to your younger self6

F6 !oving faster than light, <ip over your timeline, past the resource-sym4ol you@re hurling to7ard

your younger self and drop do7n into the 4ody of that younger self6

.6 Catch the resource6

/6 Bring it into your 4ody and notice the feeling it creates6

6 $pin the feeling created 4y this resource throughout your 4ody, faster and faster6



(llo7 it to spread throughout your head, your chest, stomach and pelvis, into your arms, legs,

fingers and toes6 Let it continue to e;pand until it e;tends a fe7 inches outside your 4ody,

completely enclosing you in a protective, spinning cocoon, or force field, impenetra4le and strong6

306 Ne;t, rapidly move up along your timeline, through all your past e;periences to7ard your

present, still spinning the feeling and 7ith a sense of complete safety6

(s you do so, invite other incidents that other7ise 7ould have hurt or frightened you from your

past to come at you li5e missiles6 eel them smac5ing into your protective shield and 4ouncing off

and into the past 7here they 4elong6

336 (s you move 4ac5 into your present self, see yourself roc5eting into the future6

Noticing ho7 the creation of a protective shield allo7s you to develop and e;plore more

appropriate protective 4ehavior, resolving previously threatening situations 7ith confidence and

ease6 Repeat several times from $tep a4ove6

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B(C9 % %P

B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, tidy up any pro4lems from your personal

history that continue to cause strife or issues for you today6 a5e your time and feel completely

comforta4le6 %nce you are comforta4le, 4egin reading the ne;t chapter6

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REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER T4EL5E

336 Nne< R, $7eetser # 1003M6 $patial em4odiment of temporal metaphors in (ymara

Blending source-domain gesture 7ith speech6 Proceedings of the .th 'nternational Cognitive

Linguistics Conference, $anta Bar4ara, C(6 12-1E0



3106 im4ardo P, Boyd 100/M6 he ime Parado; he Ne7 Psychology of ime6 London

Rider

3136 $iu R 3.2M6 Chi, ( Neo-aoist (pproach to Life6 Cam4ridge, !( !' Press

3116 La5off G, ohnson ! 3/3M !etaphors *e Live By6 Chicago Chicago >niversity Press

316 elitti + et al6 3/M6 Relationship of childhood a4use to many of the leading causes of

death in adults he adverse childhood e;periences (C#M study6 (merican ournal of Preventive

!edicine, 322M, 2/.-1E/

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B(C9 % %P

CHATER THIRTEEN: +ETTIN+ FRO0 4HERE /OU

ARE TO 4HERE /OU 4ANT TO BE

'n this chapter

O he secret of gettingTand stayingTon trac5

O *hat is right 7ith goal-settingTand 7hat is 7rong 7ith it

O "o7 to eat an elephant

O )our 10J10 foresight machine6

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Getting from 7here you are to 7here you 7ant to 4e is more than a matter of 7ishful thin5ing6

7o factors influence your success direction and planning6 Both represent essential components

of long-term, consistent and most importantly, predi!tabe change6



(s stated previously, 7hen you rehearse all the things that could go 7rong, you are actually

planning to fail6 ( portion of your 4rain functions similarly to the servo-mechanism on a smart

missile6 Li5e the missile, once you program your 4rain 7ith instructions it 7ill strea5 off in that

direction until it hits its targetTeven if that target is disappointment and pain6

(chieving your dreams and aspirations, enoying positive moods, health and 7ell-4eing on an on-

going 4asis re:uires planning6 'f you 7ant to have success, you must 4e precise a4out 7hat you

7ant and ho7 you 7ill achieve it6

!ost 4usiness seminars and self-help 4oo5s offer various forms of smart@ planning and goal-

setting6 #ach suggests that any important actions should 4e positively stated, 7ithin the control of

the person doing the planning, realistic, managea4le and a4ove all to have the a4ility to 4e

accomplished 7ithin a specified time frame6 "o7ever, 7hile simple, goal-setting has its place

7hen dealing 7ith a certain class of tas5s, 7ithout an overall orientation or direction, you are stillat ris5 of running aground on the roc5s of chance and circumstance6

THE GOURNE/ -NO4N AS /OUR LIFE

he maority of ne7 cars produced today come e:uipped 7ith a GP$ Glo4al Positioning

$ystemM6 !illions of drivers around the 7orld depend almost entirely on satellite navigation to get

to 7here they 7ant to go6 he average GP$ re:uires the driver to program in a location yourgoalM, choose from a series of directional options shortest route, least traffic etcM, and 4egin the

ourney6 $hould you ignore the device@s instructions or accidentally ma5e a 7rong turn, it rapidly

calculates the steps you need to ta5e in order to come 4ac5 on trac56 $upposing the data it

receives is accurately processed, and e;cluding unforeseen circumstances, the system 7ill

deliver e;actly 7hat it promises6

Gone are the days for some people at leastM 7here you sat around the ta4le 7ith a 4ig foldout

map, holding lively discussions 7ith other mem4ers of your family as to the 4est route for your

vacation6 %f course planning remains an essential component6 *hat needs to 4e pac5edA *illyou put a picnic 4as5et in the trun5A *hat time should you leave in order to avoid the 7orst of the

trafficA (4ove all, 7hat are you going to do 7hen you get thereA "o7 many different 7ays are

you e;pecting to have funA



4HAT IS RI+HT 4ITH +OALSETTIN+

$ome people as 7ell as companiesM have no idea 7hat they 7ant or 7here going6 #ven 7here

goal-setting is an important part of a corporate or personal culture, goals often don@t connect 7ith

the culture or purpose in a meaningful 7ay that ensures and maintains for7ard movement6

Goals can and do 7or56 %f that there@s no dou4t6 *e have a 4uilt in a4ility to 5eep to certain

simple o4ectives 4y priming the 4rain@s Reticular (ctivating $ystem R($M 7ith 7ords and

images that prompt it to direct 4oth our conscious and unconscious attention to7ards achieving a

specified end6 Neuroscience demonstrates that the creation of a highly detailed and emotionally

charged outcome sets up a dynamic tension that can move someone from a present state to the

desired state6 (ll the techni:ues created in the 7a5e of NLP are designed to accomplish ust this6

"o7ever, the outcome alone is not enough to maintain the momentum needed to enoy a

prosperous, happy and healthy life6 *e re:uire something more6

THE ROBLE0 4ITH +OALSETTIN+

oday@s o4session 7ith hitting targets and reaching goals :uic5ly may ma5e you successful in

certain limited areas of your life, 4ut a focus strictly upon 4enchmar5s is e:ually li5ely to leave

you feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled6 his is due to several pitfalls associated 7ith conventional

goal-setting6 he first may 4e the sheer si<e of your o4ective, something 7e refer to as chun5-si<e@6 Chun5 si<e refers to those massive goals that 4ecome over7helming at the mere thought of

them6

(voiding this is easy6 $imply divide 4ig goals into more managea4le chun5s6 By doing this, you

ensure that even the most challenging outcome 4ecomes something you can handle6 Consider

the 7isdom of this child@s o5e

Y6 "o7 do you eat an elephantA

(6 %ne 4ite at a time6

he ne;t most common complaint is usually 7ritten off as the result of not enough 7ill-po7er6

hin5 of all the Ne7 )ear@s Resolutions you made every anuary 36 "o7 many of them have you



achievedA "o7 much do you loo5 for7ard to ne;t Ne7 )ear so you can ma5e even more

resolutions that you 7on@t 5eepA

(dmit it6 Chances are all those changes you 7ere going to ma5e, to :uit smo5ing, lose a fe7

pounds, stop 4iting your nails, simply never got off the ground6 "o7 much frustration or, possi4ly,

reliefM did you feel 7hen you a4andoned your plans on day three or fourA Possi4ly, you have

given up even trying6 (s someone remar5ed, the 4est place to find par5ing is outside a health

clu4 in e4ruary6

'f this has happened to you, there@s a strong li5elihood that your goals are not lin5ed 7ith a

program to create change6 (lso, many people are driven 4y a particularly appealing outcome,

then, on achieving it, seem to hit a 4ric5 7all, simply 4ecause the program they@ve set up doesn@t

e;tend 4eyond a specific end-point and they revert to 7here they started6

ac5 is a talented 4usinessman 7ho made as many millions as he lost 4efore he reali<ed that

something 7as 7rong6 'n the course of conversation, he mentioned gro7ing up in a poor family

on the 7rong side of the trac5s6 #very night he dreamt of 4rea5ing free from the grinding poverty

that imprisoned 4oth him and his family6 "is nightly promise to himself 7as, H%ne day '\ll ma5e a

million dollarsI6

Later, he found he had a talent for 4uying and selling, and started his o7n company serving a

relatively undere;ploited niche in the mar5et6 "e made his million and then promptly lost it6 "e

made it again666and lost it again6 *hen he finally reali<ed he needed to change something a4outhis strategy, he reali<ed 7ith a shoc5 that he had no plans 4eyond ma5ing his first million6 "is

unconscious, lac5ing any further instructions, a4andoned the program and simply started again6

his oscillation 4et7een present state and desired state is more common than may at first

appear6 "o7 many times have you made a firm resolution to :uit eating chocolate or 4uying a

pac5 of cigarettes and 4een successful=for a 7hile6 (s satirist !ar5 7ain remar5ed, HGiving up

smo5ing is easy6 '\ve done it do<ens of times6I

he simple reason for this is that the outcome has 4een represented as an accomplished fact6 'tisn@t follo7ed 4y the process of living 7ith the successful outcome6 $ure, you :uit smo5ing, or put

do7n that cream ca5e, or made a million6 he deal is done6 No7 7hatA 'n the a4sence of any

other instructions, your 4rain may revert to the only instructions it 5no7s6 'n order to move you

for7ard, therefore, goals and outcomes need to 4e part of an overall process of for7ard

movement6 hings do not stay the same6 'f you@re not moving for7ard, they get 7orse6



+OALS AND SELFI0A+E

(nother potential ha<ard rears its head 7hen you regard yourself as successful only in terms of

the goals you achieve6 his, too, is more common than you might thin56

$uppose you set a goal of ma5ing ^100,000 a year6 H*hen ' do that,I you tell yourself, H'\ll 4e a

success6I

his 5ind of planning tells you 7here you 7ant to go, 4ut it also gives you a 7ay of measuring

ho7 far a7ay you are6 his is a 4ad idea6 #ach day that passes 4efore you actually reach your

target is unconsciously registered as a failure6

"o7 do you avoid thatA

he ans7er is dire!tion.

Direction encompasses a num4er of :ualities, including passion, vision and values6 Direction is

a4out 7here your life is going and 7hat you are e;periencing throughout the process of achieving

various goals along the 7ay6 herefore, direction is the ourney6 Goals represent the stepping

stones allo7ing you to stay on trac56

Let@s return to the goal of ma5ing ^100,000 or more a year6 'n esta4lishing your goal, the direction

you choose must allo7 you to 5no7 7hat you@ll enoy 7hile accomplishing your end6 )ou@ll 7ant

time for family and friends you@ll need to 7a5e up each morning 7ith a sense of e;citement,

curiosity and challenge6 %n a very real level, having direction in your life means the ourney is

more important than the destination6 his applies to your 4usiness as 7ell as your personal life6

!any ama<ing relationships get lost 4ecause couples focus on 4uilding the life they 7ant, rather

than valuing and enoying the life that they have together6

"uman 4eings need some7here to go, yet 7e flourish 7hen 7e have options and choices6 ( life

fully directed is multi-faceted, li5e a 7ell-cut gem6 'n contrast, an entirely goal-driven life loses its

color and energy, 4ecoming nothing more than a series of successes or failures6 *ithout

something to move on to after you@ve accomplished a particular goal, you@re li5ely to come to a

halt6



Revisiting the GP$ analogy, you need to invest in a high-end device if you 7ant to get the 4est

results6 Let us say that 7ith the GP$ you 7ant more than simply to traverse the country 4y the

fastest route6 )ou actually 7ant to enoy the ride6 herefore, you need engaging company in the

car something to eat and drin5 and interesting activities and sights along the 7ay6 'f you simply

go to your destination and 4ac5 in the shortest possi4le time, it is not a vacation6 't is an ordeal6

By planning a life of Being "appy, you distinguish 4et7een goals and directions6 *hen you set a

direction, you include room for options, choices, possi4ilities and adventures6 Pay attention to all

the details and nothing, including you, 7ill get lost along the 7ay6

SETTIN+ A DIRECTION

( direction, li5e a puppy, is for life6 Literally it is a route you set up to ensure you prevent your life

drifting aimlessly, that sense that you are not really responsi4le for 7hat happens to you6 People

suffering this 5ind of life drift usually feel disempo7ered and depressed6 $ometimes they 5ic5

4ac5 4y ma5ing yet another resolution, 4ut failure to 5eep it results in an even greater sense of

drift6

By setting a direction 7ith care and precision, you reconnect 7ith your potential6 )ou disregard

minor failures along the 7ay and claim the po7er to 5eep adusting your 4ehavior to ma;imi<e

good feelings, health and 7ell-4eing6 his is 4ehavioral fle;i4ility6 't is a cornerstone of good NLPpractice and should 4e included in everything you do6

Losing X num4er of pounds is a goal many have accomplished relatively easily, only to have the

7eight pile on even faster than 4efore6 "o7ever, eating good food in moderate amounts,

adopting a healthier e;ercise regime, choosing to include treats that ma5e you feel good 7ithout

damaging your health and 7ell-4eing, 7ill result in you 4eing slimmer and fitter most of the time6

$ince living healthily is a direction, not a goal, if you slip off the 7agon, it is not the end of the

7orld6 Rather it is simply part of the orientation and reorientation that living a life 7ith direction

involves6 his is ho7 you ma5e it 7or56

Goals and direction function together6 #ach goal leads on to the ne;t, representing points along

the continuum of your life@s direction6 Goals should 4e divided into smaller, measura4le chun5s so

that each day can 4e mar5ed 4y success6 'n fact, each morning should 4egin 7ith the :uestion,

H*hat can ' do today that 7ill 5eep me moving in the right directionAI



't should come as no surprise that your life@s direction 7ill 4e intimately related to your life

mission6 he presence of 4oth, life direction and life mission defines an individual living a

coherent and continuously fulfilling life6

/OUR FUTURE SELF

Recent research confirms that the most effective planning comes from connecting 7ith your

Hfuture selfI6

$tanford researcher "al #rsner-"erschfield created a virtual reality computer program that

allo7ed each su4ect to e;perience him or herself many years into the future, complete 7ith

7rin5les, grey hair, significantly aged 4ody and so on6 or a given period of time, each su4ect

lived as their future selves and then came 4ac5 into the present, alongside a control group that

had not time-travelled6 Both groups 7ere given the tas5 to decide ho7 they 7ould spend a ^3,000

7indfall6

*hile the control group happily spent the money on gifts, parties and other items of short-term

pleasure, those 7ith an elderly avatar 7ere far more li5ely to invest the money in a retirement

plan6 312M his supports 7hat 7e have 4elieved for many yearsTthat most 4ad decisions are

made 4ecause people do not ta5e the time to thin5 a thought all the 7ay through, to e;amine theconse:uences of their actions, or to e;plore alternatives6 People get stuc5 4ecause they have no

ne;t-step function6 !aor pro4lems are reduced to a simple la4el6 he process and its component

parts are ignored so your life comes to a grinding halt6

%f course, you do not need a computer-driven virtual reality device in order to esta4lish your life-

direction6 )ou already o7n the most advanced machine for e;ploring past, present and future in

e;:uisite detail, your 4rain6 >sing the e;ercise 4elo7, you can investigate 4oth the result of your

present actions and the li5ely outcome of ne7er and more desira4le 4ehaviors 7hile sitting in the

comfort of your favorite armchair6

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E.ERCISE ##: BOOTIN+ U /OUR "*"* FORESI+HT 0ACHINE

ART A: RE5IE4IN+ THE RESULTS OF RESENT UN4ANTED BEHA5IOR

36 $it 4ac5 and ta5e three deep 4reaths, letting each out 7ith a long, satisfying sigh6

Close your eyes and allo7 your attention to move inside and do7n6 (s you do, notice the 4lac5,undulating field that sho7s up 4ehind your eyelids6 his is 7hat remote vie7ers call Hdar5

solutionI, the gate7ay to a field of possi4ilities 4eyond the reach of our normal, 7a5ing senses6

16 Choose one 4ehavior you 7ould li5e to changeTsmo5ing for e;ample, 4inge-eating or

rec5less spending6

'magine you can press a fast-for7ard 4utton that umps you to the final year of your life6 "ave the

sensation of <ooming for7ard in time, as if through a tunnel6 $tep into that 4ody feel 7hat it is li5eto move 7ith all the demands you have made of it 4reathe 7ith the lungs you have created feel

7hat it is li5e to live in a state of scarcityTphysical, emotional or financial6 (s5 yourself 7hether

you 7ould have done anything differently if you had 5no7n 4ac5 then 7hat you 5no7 no76 $pend

some time honestly e;ploring the life you have created for yourself6

6 a5e a snapshot of your limited 7orld and placing it in the 4ac5 of your mind, return to the

present6

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B(C9 % %P



ART B: RE5IE4IN+ THE RESULTS OF A LIFE LI5ED 4ITH DIRECTION

36 Pause for a moment and as5 yourself the follo7ing :uestions

"o7 7ould ' li5e my life to 4e instead of the 7ay ' e;perienced it in the earlier part of the

e;erciseA *hat 7ould ' 4e doing that is different and 4etterA

16 Press your fast-for7ard 4utton and move :uic5ly to the later years of your life 7ith these

:ualities in place6

Notice 7hat you are doing and ho7 you are feeling6 #;perience in all senses the :uality of the life

you have created this time, the life you 7ould have preferred6

6 Return to the present, moving in reverse through a series of steps6

Notice as you move ba!kwards through each stage of your future life 7hat actions 7ere needed

in order for the previous step to have 4een possi4le6 or e;ample, if part of your desired life is

financial security, imagine dra7ing from a flourishing 4an5 account each month, then ma5ing

regular payments into it etc6 'f you 7ant to 4e a certain 7eight, ignore the scales6 Rather, see

yourself 7al5ing to the shops instead of ta5ing the car, or planning healthy, delicious meals6 !a5e

sure each stage involves something you enoy6 (t each stage as5 yourself, H*hat needed to

happen in order to ma5e this step possi4leAI

26 By the time you return to the present, you should have a series of slides, stills or short movie

clips illustrating each stage of your ourney6

E6 $plice together these clips to ma5e a smooth, feature-filled movie of your ne7, direction-

oriented life6

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ART C: 0A-IN+ THE S4ITCH

36 (t this stage, you have a choice 4et7een returning to the old pattern stored in the 4ac5 of your

mindM, or stepping into the ne7 one6

Decide finally 7hether you 7ant to ma5e the s7itch, Commit to everything that is re:uired for your

ne7 lifestyle to 7or56

16 #;tract the old, undesired future snapshot from the 4ac5 of your mind6

Put this image in your internal visual field directly 4efore you6 Place the opening scene of the fully

representational, desira4le movie of your ne7 7ay of living 4ehind you6

6 No7, very :uic5ly, move the picture in front of you around, either to the right of left, until it is

4ehind you, 7hile simultaneously pushing the ne7 image through your 4ody from 4ac5 to front6

#"oos"7 Do this several times, cran5ing up the 5inesthetic the 4ody-sensationM as the desired

image moves through you, and ends up in front of you6

26 $tep into the ne7 image and imagine moving very rapidly through each stage leading you to a

healthy, happy and prosperous old age6

9no7 that 7ith each step for7ard, the old pattern moves further a7ay 4ehind you6 But, should

you stop or regress, the old pattern 7ill advance on you = so keep mo(ing 6

E6 Repeat Step $ several times until you feel comforta4le 7ith all aspects that contri4ute to your

ne7 direction6

Remind yourself that this is a direction, and 7hile there are a num4er of mini-goals along the 7ay,

they are simply guideposts6 'f something doesn@t :uite 7or5 out the 7ay you 7ant it to, ma5e the

necessary adustment and continue6 'f you give 7ay to over-eating or smo5ing, ac5no7ledge your

feeling of disappointment6 Recogni<e it as a sign that your original decision to change 7as the

correct one and get right 4ac5 on the program6



F6 (4ove all, remind yourself that living a direction-focused life is a process, not a goal6

a5e time to enoy the ourney6 "o7 you are going is far more important than 7here you are

getting to6

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TAIN+ INTO EINSTEINKS BRAIN

#instein@s creative strategy has 4een thoroughly documented6 "is first step 7as to tap into his

a4ilities to visuali<e e;traordinary events, such as riding on a 4eam of light6 By changing su4-

modalities from the spo5en or 7ritten 7ord to the internal image, his mind e;periments gave him

a fresh perspective on a pro4lem, and often as history 7ell documents, delivered ama<ing results6

"is process of directional focusing 7as almost entirely 5inesthetic6 (ccording to 4iographer (

Cro7ther, #instein used Hinstinctive feelingI to orientate himself in the direction 7here he

suspected a solution might lie6 31EM !ichael araday, the British chemist and physicist 7ho

contri4uted so much to the study of electromagnetism and electrochemistry, used similar gut

feelings to direct his research, even 7hen his instincts appeared contrary to the la7s of electricityas they 7ere understood at the time6 31FM

'n his 4oo5, Syne!ti!s, *illiam Gordon descri4es 7hat he calls the H"edonic ResponseI in t7o

parts6

"e 7rites of a strong, pleasura4le feeling that develops as a successful period of pro4lem-solving

nears its end6 his, he 4elieves, signals the conceptual presence of a maor ne7 vie7point6 (t the

same time, minor pleasura4le feelings occur along the 7ay, acting as a moment-to-moment

evaluation of the creative process itself6 31.M

( similar process has 4een reported 4y (4raham !aslo7, *illiam Bla5e, homas #dison, $ir

oshua Reynolds, and "enry David horeau6 31/M he pro4lem 7ith these descriptions is that

the authors and thin5ers involved tended to leave the process to chance6 Consider ho7 many

other #disons, #insteins and horeaus might have emerged if only they 5ne7 to employ this

process6 his is e;actly 7hat NLP delivers6 NLP models allo7 us to create ne7 techni:ues and



o4serve, analy<e and refine other people@s unconscious 4ehavior so 7e can teach anyone ho7 to

do the same thing 7ith e;cellence6 or e;ample, #instein and his 4iographers provide enough

clues for you to 4e a4le to incorporate part of his motivating strategy in your planning procedure6

People practicing the Being "appy process adapt, refine and apply this strategy consciously to

motivate themselves, as 7ell as to inform themselves that they remain on trac5 to a successful

conclusion of a proect6 (s 7ith all effective techni:ues, these people practice their ne7ly

ac:uired s5ills until they 4ecome second nature6

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E.ERCISE #$: THE EINSTEIN EN+INE

36 Go to Step $ in art C of the e;ercise a4ove6

Before you 4egin to move into the future, pause to remem4er in as much detail as you can a time

7hen you felt significantly motivated to push for7ard 7ith a particular proect6 't can 4e in any

conte;t in your life, from 4uying an item of clothing that you a4solutely had to have to ma5ing

love6 he important thing is that you 5ne7 once you 4egan you could not stop6

16 (s you vividly remem4er 7hat you sa7, heard and felt, notice 7here the feeling that drives you

for7ard 4egins in your 4ody6

Notice the direction it is moving and 7here it seems to dissipate6

6 Rather than allo7ing this drive to fade a7ay, connect its endpoint to its 4eginning6

Loop and spin it so that the feeling starts to intensify6



26 (s the feeling gro7s stronger, move into your constructed future, mini-goal 4y mini-goal6

Continue to intensify the spinning feeling6 ime this escalation so that it 4uilds in sync 7ith each

step of your proect until you reach your planned outcome6

E6 o ensure that you are not 4rought up short 4y an endpoint to your plans, stop 7here you are6

Roll the spinning feeling along your timeline into your future until it disappears over the hori<on6

F6 Repeat this e;ercise several times6

est to ma5e sure that 7hen you thin5 a4out ta5ing the first step in the direction you have chosen

you feel e;citement automatically 4eginning to 4uild6 'f it does not, repeat the e;ercise until it

does6

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B(C9 % %P

!ost planning methods, including NLP in its earliest incarnation, regard feed4ac5 as the "olyGrail of self-development6 his is valid enough 7hen a chain of events has already 4een set in

motion6 't is e;tremely empo7ering to reframe mista5es as feed4ac5 and simply adust your

4ehavior to compensate6 Catching the 7ave@ is a phrase 7e often heard to descri4e this process6

%ur hope in 7riting this 4oo5 is to help the reader get ahead of the 7ave, to thin5 of and plan for

7hat happens after 7hat happens ne;t6 o do this you need to develop t7o s5ills

3M o include feed-for7ard loops as a regular part of your planning,

1M o set up a sensitive early-7arning system that can respond to changes 7ithin or a4out your

immediate environment 4efore they start causing trou4le6

he ideal continuum is dynamic, incorporating feed4ac5 7hile propelling you for7ard in 7ays that

allo7 you to deal effectively 7ith 7hat has already happened and 7hat is li5ely to happen ne;t6



Contingency planning, often seen in highly effective managers, doctors and nurses, re:uires you

anticipate pro4lems and act s7iftly, if necessary, adusting the steps to7ards your outcome and,

sometimes, the outcome itself6 31M 30M

9enneth and his family 7ere plunged into a terrifying five-hour ordeal 7hen he and his family

returned home and distur4ed a gang of violent thieves 7ho had 4ro5en in to their home after

drugging their dogs and disa4ling the 4urglar alarm6 9en and his family stayed alive and relatively

unhurt 4y remaining calm and co-operating 7ith the ro44ers, even though they 7ere su4ected to

e;treme psychological and physical pressure6

(fter7ards, 9en 4lamed himself remar5ing, H'f only '@d reali<ed the dogs 7eren@t 4ar5ing, '@d have

4een suspicious and not put myself and my family in such danger6I

"is remar5 indicates that he was a7are the dogs 7ere not giving his family the usual noisy7elcome6 "e unconsciously dismissed the information as irrelevant, to his and his loved ones@

cost6

H'f only '@d noticed =I is a refrain often heard 4y police officers investigating a rape or mugging, or

4y a therapist listening to the e;periences of a trauma victim6

he suspicious 4ehavior of a stranger 7aiting for an elevator, or an une;plained change in a

familiar chain of events, is often screened out of your conscious a7areness6 he follo7ing

e;ercise is designed to ma5e this information consciously availa4leTthat is, to heighten yoursensory acuity, so that you can choose 7hether to respond or not6

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E.ERCISE #%: INSTALLIN+ AN EARL/4ARNIN+ S/STE0



36 ind three situations from your o7n e;perience 7here you failed to notice something that

7ould have saved you from the trou4le that follo7ed6

hese may 4e maor crises li5e 9en@s e;perience a4ove, or fairly minor ones, such as spilling a

glass of mil5 4ecause you failed to notice your sleeve touching it as you reached for something

else6 !a5e your recollections as vivid as possi4le in all sensory systems6

16 Re7ind each situation to a point shortly 4efore the incident occurred6

$lo7ly run each scenario for7ard and insert an alarm that is impossi4le to ignore, for e;ample a

vivid, flashing, am4er light accompanied 4y a shrill alarm6

6 Run a series of imaginary events in 7hich such an early-7arning system 7ould prove useful6

!a5e sure in your virtual scenarios that you pause 7hen the second the alarm goes off to e;plore

the situation and ma5e a decision as to 7hether it is safe and appropriate to proceed, or not6

Note: *hen your early-7arning alarm goes off in real-time, it@s important that you al7ays stop

and investigate6 'f you override it, your unconscious is li5ely to revert to its old pattern of

screening out all 4ut the strongest signals6

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B(C9 % %P

TIS SUORTIN+ /OUR NE4 SUCCESSORIENTED DIRECTION:

he success of all goals and life-directions should 4e measured 4y internal, rather than e;ternal,

references6 ust as holocaust survivor +i5tor ran5l found peace in unimagina4ly terri4lecircumstances 4y uncovering and staying true to his o7n values, your planning success depends

on staying true to yourself, rather than to other people@s udgments, opinions and 4eliefs6

'f you 7ant to 4e slimmer and fitter, ditch your scales or the Body !ass 'nde; B!'M and start to

pay attention to ho7 much more comforta4le you feel in nice clothes in a smaller si<e6



'f you have :uit smo5ing, stop proecting your mind into a future and 4egin to notice right no7

ho7 much more easily you 4reathe, ho7 much 4etter your food tastes, or ho7 more a7a5e you

feel6

!easure success 4y 7hat is 7or5ing, rather than 4y 7hat you have yet to accomplish6 Be 5ind to

yourself if you hit a snag6 Laugh at your humanness and simply get 4ac5 on trac56

inally, ta5e time to cele4rate your achievements rather than your failures6 Pause, reflect and

feel6 Remem4er, an important 5ey to Being "appy is learning ho7 to be, rather than simply 7hat

to do6

B#%R# )%> !%+# %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, refine your direction and the important

steps or goals along the 7ay6 !a5e sure 7hen you do this that you utili<e all your senses?7hatyou 7ill 4e doing, feeling, seeing, saying and so on6

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RESOURCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER THIRTEEN

3126 "utson !, !a5ing oresight 10J10 Connect 7ith your future self6 Psychology oday6

Novem4erJDecem4er 100/6 E6

31E6 Cro7ther ( 310M6 !ichael araday6 London !acmillan

31F6 '4id6

31.6 Gordon * 3F3M $ynectics6 London "arper & Ro7

31/6 alconar 100.M Creative 'ntelligence & $elf-Li4eration6 Carmarthen, *ales Cro7n

"ouse Pu4lishing Ltd

316 "odg5inson C 33M #ducational Leadership he !oral (rt, Ne7 )or5 $tate >niversity of

Ne7 )or5 Press

306 Bec5ett D, "ager P 1001M Life, *or5 and Learning, London Routledge, 1003



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B(C9 % %P

CHATER FOURTEEN: HO4 TO FUTUREROOF /OUR

LIFE

'n this chapter

O he secrets of highly effective and successful people

O 'maginative engineering and achievement

O Rehearsing 7hat you 7ant, not 7hat you fear

O "o7 handicaps help you flourish6

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*hat do successful athletes, famous heart surgeons and concert pianists all have in commonA

he ans7er, aside from the fact each has undergone intensive training in their field, is t7ofold

irst, they all have a clear vision of 7hat they 7ant and 7here they 7ant to 4e secondly, they are

committed to getting there6

hose 7ho function at the upper edge of their capa4ilities have another tool at their disposal -

even though some may not 4e consciously a7are of it6 hey simply deploy it intuitively6

*hat is this magic toolA )ou have it too6 o some degree or other, people performing at the levelof e;cellence tap into their 4rain@s a4ility to complement their physical practice through mental

rehearsal, a practice sometimes 5no7n as, though not :uite accurately, as visuali<ation6

By running a scenario of 7hat they 7ant to do and ho7 they plan to do it, from driving do7n the

center of the green, repairing a hole in a heart or playing a concerto, each prepares himself or

herself to perform at his or her very 4est6 o these e;ceptional performers, the e;perience is



!ental rehearsal is an important and useful s5ill to develop6 Not only can it improve mental and

physical performance, 4ut it can actually help you develop muscular de;terity and strength6 31M

4HAT 0ENTAL REHEARSAL IS NOT

*hile 4eing a4le to construct mental images is an important part of creating your future, mental

rehearsal has nothing to do 7ith the esoteric practices promising in e;change for the price of a

4oo5, a D+D, a course of instructionM the secret to infinite richesTespecially if you are not

re:uired to do anything other than invite the universe to meet your desires6

Natural optimists and those 7ho have learned the technology of Being "appy understand that

ta5ing action is a 5ey to their accomplishments6 't is entirely possi4le to short-cut your 7ay to

success6 Being a4le to imagine your goals and the route that 7ill get you there is an important

part6 "o7ever, the process does not end there6 Nor 7ill any method that promises to 4ring you

riches ma5e you 7ealthy if you simply sit at home doing nothing other than visuali<ing6 't 7ill

ma5e one person 7ealthy the guy 7ho sold you the idea6

4HEN 0ENTAL REHEARSAL DOES NOT 4OR-

$ometimes, mental rehearsal does not 7or56 here are several reasons 7hy, and all can 4e

fi;ed6 he most common o4ection 7e hear is, H' can@t ma5e pictures in my mind6I

%f course, this is nonsense6 'f you 7ere una4le to create or remem4er visual images, you 7ould

4e severely handicapped, una4le, in all pro4a4ility, to thin5 or move6 #veryone processes

information visually in fact, 7hile 7e each have preferences in certain circumstance, visual input

7ill al7ays trump the other senses6 *e are incredi4ly adept at remem4ering pictures6 (s

neuroscientist ohn !edina says, H"ear a piece of information and three days later you\llremem4er 30S of it6 (dd a picture and you\ll remem4er FES6I

*hy is vision such a 4ig deal to usA Perhaps 4ecause seeing is ho7 our species has al7ays

detected maor threats, food supplies and reproductive opportunities6 3M



'f you 4elieve you can@t visuali<e, you are 7rong6 he misapprehension arises 7hen people

e;pect to 4e a4le to ma5e pictures as clear and distinct as 7hatever they see in the outside

7orld6 his 7ould 4e a mista5e6 )our internal imagery is seldom as vivid as your perception of the

outside 7orldTand that is the 7ay it should 4e6 'f 4oth internal and e;ternal pictures 7ere e:ually

clear and 4right, there 7ould 4e a strong chance that you 7ould 4egin to muddle internally

generated imagery 7ith e;ternal reality6 'f your coding of inside and outside 4ecome confused,

you ris5 e;periencing the chaos and upheaval of schi<ophrenia6

(nother possi4ility is that you may simply 4e una7are of the constant procession of visual images

that actually e;ist, 4ecause 4oth eidetic and constructed images can occur so rapidly that they flit

past 4efore they ma5e their 7ay into your conscious a7areness6 !ost li5ely though your attention

is simply else7here and the images slip through under your mental radar6

ust 4ecause you fail to register the pictures does not mean they are not affecting your life6 heirvery lac5 of clarity may 4e the source of discomfort6 he e;planation is simple and familiar6 %ften,

it is not 7hat you actually see in a horror fi lm that scares you it is 7hat happens at the edge of

your vision, something that suddenly umps out at you6 )ou are not sure 7hat it is going to 4e and

part of that@s 7hat ma5es people scream6 )ou hear a loud noise and half the time nothing is

actually there6 )et, you get scared and ump any7ay, even if there is no reason for it6

!ost people have pho4ias, such as a fear of flying6 hey do not have this pho4ia 4ecause they

have a clear vision of 7hat they fear6 hey simply do not 5no7 7hat is lur5ing at the edge of their

e;perience, 7aiting to cause harm6 hey seldom thin5 much a4out 4urning up in an airplane, 4utstill have fears 4ecause it is unclear 7hat is happening6 *hen they clarify things, they 4ecome

a4le to understand things differently and to ma5e 4etter decisions6 or e;ample, people are afraid

of air tur4ulence 4ecause they do not reali<e it is the plane 4ouncing up, not do7n6 Rather than

falling, they are moving higher, a7ay from the ground6 ( little detail li5e that that goes a long 7ay

to7ard calming a fear 4ased on a lac5 of understanding6

%ver several decades 7e have helped people to laugh at their fears not 4ecause 7e 7ant them

to thin5 that 7hat they are thin5ing is stupid, 4ut 4ecause 7ant them to laugh6 he neural

chemistry of laughter produces :uality pictures, and, in the end, each person starts to thin5 a4outthings differently and more happily6`

'f the lac5 of detail in your pictures is a pro4lem, 7e suggest spending a fe7 minutes a day

practicing your constructed images6 he follo7ing e;ercise is an easy and effective 7ay to tone

your image-ma5ing muscles6



KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

E.ERCISE #&: SHARENIN+ U /OUR 5ISUALIJATION S-ILLS

36 'magine a cu4e made of 7hite 7ood and painted a dar5 colorTred or 4lac5Ton its si; faces6

16 !entally cut the cu4e vertically in three e:ual slices, first in one direction, and then at right

angles6

)ou 7ill no7 have si; rectangular pieces6

6 Cut these three pieces, this time hori<ontally, in three e:ual slices6

)ou no7 have 1. smaller cu4es of e:ual si<e see figure 4elo7M6 $ome 7ill have 7hite faces

others 7ill have different com4inations of light and dar5 faces depending upon 7here they occur

in the larger cu4e6



26 "aving done that, ta5e a fe7 minutes every day to 7or5 your 7ay through the cu4e in any

direction you li5e6

'dentify the position of each small cu4e and mentally esta4lish ho7 many 7hite faces and ho7

many dar5 it has6

E6 *hen you 4ecome proficient at this, you can challenge yourself even further 4y slicing the

cu4e four times in each direction6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

B(C9 % %P

TI: he fact that you even understood the steps of this e;ercise should confirm to you that you

are a4le to create images6 *ere you not visuali<ing, the 7hole thing 7ould have 4een

go44ledygoo56

FI.ED STATE OR ON+OIN+ BEHA5IOR

(nother complaint 7e sometimes hear is that Hfuture-pacingI doesn@t 7or56 he person may have

follo7ed the steps of a chosen techni:ue and then found the ne7 4ehavior has failed to ta5e6

'n mentally rehearsing a ne7 4ehavior or response, it is important that you decide 7hether this is

an ongoing process, or, a f i;ed, irreversi4le ne7 state6 or e;ample, if you plan to lose a certain

num4er of pounds 4y dieting, you@re very li5ely to put them 4ac5 on6 "o7ever, if choose to follo7

a practical eating plan and e;ercise an ongoing 4ehaviorM, you 7ill moderate your 7eight as a

side-effect6

6'f you 7ant the o4ective to 4e permanent, such as 4ecoming a non-smo5er, the outcome is fi;ed

and irreversi4le6 )ou ust are, and that is it6

*hen you rehearse ongoing 4ehaviors, you should 4e a4le to see that image dissociated, and

feel dra7n to7ard it6 $omething inside you goes, Hhis is 7hat ' 7ant6 his is the 7ay '@ll 4e

4ehavingI, then each day that follo7s you match that 4ehavior6 By doing so you 7ill feel good



a4out 7hat you@re doing and 4e more motivated to continue6 *hen you rehearse accomplished

facts, you should associate into the e;perience so your neurons can say, H%5ay, this is the 7ay it

is6I

he reason you do not step inside your picture of a ne7, ongoing 4ehavior and pretend you are

already there is that this creates false confidence6 Confi1ence itho2t co3petence is a

1angero2s 1e72sion to have6 $ome practitioners of NLP use a techni:ue they call the H(s-'f

rameI, in 7hich they act as if they are already the person they 7ant to 4e6 *e do not endorse

this techni:ue6 Rather than delude yourself, 7e 7ant you to aim at ne7 7ays of 4ehaving6 he

difference in the t7o approaches is simple6 'nstead of thin5ing you are good at something, you

actually be!ome good at it6

ASSOCIATION 5S DISSOCIATION

Choosing 4et7een an associated or dissociated future-pace has a foundation in neurological fact6

rench neurologists used Positron #mission omography also 5no7n as P# scanningM, a

diagnostic imaging modality, to study actions mentally simulated either 7ith a first-person

associatedM or a third-person dissociatedM perspective6 "e found that 7hile 4oth approaches

7ere associated 7ith common activation in certain areas of the 4rain, there 7ere important

differences6

or e;ample, the dissociated perspective s7itches on areas of the 4rain involved in planning and

e;ecuting motor movements, 7hile the associated simulation activates areas dealing 7ith action

and feeling6 32M

*e are spending some time on these specifics for an important reason6

(t 7orst, visuali<ation, affirmations and positive thin5ing may actually have a damaging effect6

Ne7 (ge therapists 7ho suggest to people that they are ill 4ecause they had 4ad@ thoughts

should 4e regarded as criminals6 ailure to thin5 their 7ay free of cancer or some otherde4ilitating disease can increase patients@ feelings of depression and guilt and profoundly

e;acer4ate their condition6

(t 4est, 4adly thought out and e;ecuted visuali<ation especially 7ithout an action planM 7ill 4e a

7aste of time6 Boo5s and courses on visuali<ation often suggest imagining the event as if it has

already happening6 (s 7e have already mentioned, this could 4e a serious mista5e6



#;perimenters found that students at the >niversity of California 7ho used the (s 'f rame to

visuali<e getting a high grade in a forthcoming e;am actually did 7orse than those 7ho did not

practice visuali<ation6 hey studied less than their colleagues, suggesting that visuali<ation led

them to 4elieve on an unconscious level that the e;am had already 4een 7ritten and graded6

3EM

'n another highly significant e;periment, young 7omen at the >niversity of Pennsylvania 7ere

told to visuali<e hoo5ing up 7ith a fello7 student 7ith 7hom they had a serious, 4ut undisclosed,

crush6 he instructions 7ere to imagine a richly detailed scenario in 7hich the 7omen revealed

their feelings to, and entered into a passionate relationship 7ith, the o4ects of their desire6 his

7as rehearsed as if it 7as actually happening in the present tense6

ive months later, these su4ects 7ere found to 4e significantly less li5ely to have revealed theirfeelings to the person on 7hom they had a crush compared 7ith a control group 7ho 7ere given

a some7hat less positive scenario to visuali<e6 3FM $imilar negative results 7ere found in a t7o-

year follo7-up study of students 7ho visuali<ed already having found their perfect o4s6 3.M

*hat does this meanA $imply that you have highly speciali<ed parts of the 4rain that decide

7hether something has already 4een accomplished so you can stop tryingM or, that you@re

adopting a ne7 set of ongoing 4ehaviors that 7ill continue into the futureM6 Needless to say,

getting it the 7rong 7ay around is li5ely to get you results very different from the ones you hoped

for6

't is important to recogni<e that the responsi4ility for choosing the most useful and appropriate

actions and 4ehaviors to practice is yours6 Do not rely on your unconscious to differentiate

4et7een desira4le and undesira4le processes and outcomes6 Remem4er, any sufficiently vivid

imagined activity 7ill 4e regarded 4y at least part of the 4rain as real6 his ris5 is ever-present6 'f

you d7ell on past mista5es or future pro4lems you are actually em4edding these negative

patterns in your unconscious mind and possi4ly setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy6

CASE STUD/: ANNA THE ACTRESS

(nna, an actress complained that multiple pro4lems, including insomnia, 7ere destroying her life6

$he 7as a4le to recount in detail every slight and set4ac5 she had suffered since the age of five6

#ach one of these events, it seemed, 7as affecting the :uality of her life today6 $ince the a4ility to



recall the minutiae of life so completely 7as clearly a s5ill that might have applications in some

other, more appropriate conte;t, 7e as5ed, H"o7 do you 5no7 7hat@s causing your pro4lems

no7AI

"er ans7er 7as simple and enlightening6

H*ell, that@s 7hat 5eeps me a7a5e at night,I she related6 H' go to 4ed and start thin5ing of all the

things that have gone 7rong in my life6 !y therapist tells me it@s important to have insight a4out

7here your pro4lems come from, 4ut ' ust can@t seem to find out 7hy6I

*e then as5ed her ho7 often she created a plan to overcome her pro4lems6 "o7 often did she

loo5 for7ard 7ays of doing and feeling 4etterA

$he responded sheepishly, H' al7ays thought if ' got to the 4ottom of my pro4lems, '@dautomatically start to feel 4etter6I

't too5 some convincing 4efore she could accept that all the therapists and 4oo5s she had turned

to had repeated the same piece of received ignorance 7ithout ever chec5ing 7hether it 7as true6

he past, 7e told her, does not necessarily dictate the future6 "o7 she 7as responding to the

past 7as 7hat needed to 4e addressed6

(s an actress, she understood the importance of rehearsal6 %nce she recogni<ed that she had a

choice as to 7hether she rehearsed success or failure, peace and oy or an;iety and dysfunction,her recovery 4egan almost immediately6

Later, she said, H't is so simple and so o4viousT4ut in more than thirty years '@d never noticed '

7as practicing feeling 4ad every time ' thought of either the past or the future6I

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

THE O4ER OF 4ORDS

*hen No4el laureate #ric 9andel demonstrated that )pysia, a giant marine snail, could earn to

fear 4oth electric shoc5s and the possibiity of electric shoc5s, neuroscience made a gigantic leap

for7ard6 9andel 4ecame the first scientist to demonstrate something that is as true of snails and



creative or destructive6 he driving force 4ehind the servo-mechanism is simple6 't is loc5ed onto

its target and 7ill pursue that target until the target is destroyed, no ifs or 4uts6

Neuroscience today fully supports our assertion of many decades that it is possi4le to program

the mind to act in ne7 and more resourceful 7ays6 he intention in developing NLP 7as never to

create ro4ots 4ut to ma5e it possi4le for every human to tap into their e;traordinary a4ility to set

and reset patterns of feeling and 4ehavior in 7ays that could significantly increase the :uality of

their lives6

People are carrying out this programming all the time6 !ost of the time it is random and

unre7arding6 'n some cases, it is actively damaging6

Li5e any ne7 s5ill, trade or talent, you have to develop it in order to ma5e the most of it6 %nce

developed, you can ta5e on ne7 4ehaviors and more resourceful patterns of thin5ing6 )ou 7ill 4ea4le to master ne7 s5ills, such as pain control and fearless achievement6 he first step is to

develop e;pertise in mental imagery so you can ta5e on your ne7 proficiency as part of your

4ehavioral repertoire6

FUTURE ACIN+ 0ENTAL REHEARSAL

!ental Rehearsal 7as put to the test in one study at e;as ( and !6 %ne group of medicalstudents 7as taught to mentally practice venipuncture insertion of a needle into a vein in order to

7ithdra7 4lood for analysis or to start an intravenous dripM6 hese students performed the actual

procedure dramatically 4etter after ust 0 minutes of mental rehearsal than their fello7 students

7ho simply follo7ed normal training methods6 3M

his s5ill, mental rehearsal is fre:uently encountered among highly s5illed innovators and

performers in many different fields6 he late Dr Christiaan Barnard, the $outh (frican heart

transplant pioneer, once said, HBefore ' ever had a patient in front of me, '@d done the operation

thousands of times6 $ome of those times 7ere to decide the 4est 7ay to proceed, 4ut 7hen '@dmade up my mind a4out that, it 7as all a4out practice6 ' practiced it day and night6 't 7as there

7hen ' 7ent to sleep and in my dreams and 7hen ' 7o5e up again6 ' 7as completely familiar 7ith

the procedure 4efore ' even 7al5ed into the %R6I 320M



0ENTALREHEARSAL +UIDELINES

he follo7ing guidelines are modeled on the processes of Christiaan Barnard and a 7ide range of

other elite performers and 7ill help you to get the most from this s5ill6

O *hile you are learning to hone your mental rehearsal s5ills, eliminate as many distractions as

possi4le6 !a5e yourself comforta4le and ta5e your time6 Before long, mental rehearsal 7ill

4ecome a s5ill you can use at short notice, any7here6

O Decide 7hether you are rehearsing a ne7, ongoing 4ehavior, or a finite response or s5ill you

7ish to loc5 in place6

O a5e a series of long, slo7 4reaths, ma5ing sure the e;halation is slightly longer than the

inhalation6

O Rela;, scanning your 4ody and gently releasing all muscular tension6

O Create a dissociated movie of yourself using the ne7 4ehavior6

Be systematic during this process6 (pproach it as if you are scripting, directing, filming and editing

a movie6 $nip un7anted scenes and replace them 7ith more desira4le se:uences until you have

a detailed movie 7ith 7hich you are completely satisfied6 Do not ma5e it very vivid yet6 hat

comes in the ne;t fe7 steps6

A NE4 BEHA5IOR RESONSE:

'f this is a ne7, finite response or s5ill you 7ish to ma5e permanent, step into the movie and run it

in real time from an associated point of vie76 Do this several times, increasing the vividness of all

the :ualities of your movie each time you ma5e a pass6 Pay special attention to the feelings

5inestheticsM of the e;perience6 (nchor your response until you are confident that you 7ill 4e

a4le to re-e;perience all aspects of your ne7 s5ill or 4ehavior at 7ill6 $pend a fe7 minutes every

night as you are drifting off to sleep, stepping into and running your movie6



ON+OIN+ BEHA5IOR:

'f this is an ongoing 4ehavior you are installing, follo7 all the steps a4ove6 hen, rather than

remaining in the scenario, step 4ac5 out of the frame until you can see yourself in the movie on

your future timeline, a fe7 steps in front of you6

O !a5e everything as vivid and compelling as possi4le6 (s you 7atch yourself in the movie, feel a

strong pull as if you are dra7ing 4ac5 the string of a po7erful cross4o76 9no7 that any action you

ta5e 7ith the intention of using your ne7 process 7ill release that 4o7string and precipitate you

li5e an arro7 in your chosen direction6

0A-IN+ IT DIFFERENT AND BETTER

Despite the successes recorded 7ith future-pacing, 7e have al7ays 4een curious as to 7hy

some people achieve the maority of their aspirations yet still fall a little short of their target6 his

prompted a closer study of 4rain function as 7ell as additional e;perimentation6 %ur o4ective 7as

to identify additional tactics that could amplify the effects of mental imagery6 he rest of this

chapter introduces these advanced techni:uesTcritically important to those readers 7ho 7ish to

ta5e their s5ills to a ne7 level6

!any people 7e 5no7 lac5 the drive to solve their o7n pro4lems6 hey have little vision, and arecontent to live their lives at the mercy of other people and e;ternal events6

his information is for the restTfor those 7ho 7ant to optimi<e every aspect of their lives, and

7ho also understand that to gain anything of any value re:uires an investment, of time, planning

and determination to follo7 through6 'f you really 7ant to create a life 7orth living, the future you

are moving into needs to 4e 4igger, 4righter, more colorful= and very different from the 7ay you

have 4een thin5ing a4out it 4efore6

Before go any further, try this little e;periment6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK



E.ERCISE #': NATURE=S BEAUT/

3M hin5 of a particularly 4eautiful sceneTa sunset, the s5y at night, a field full of flo7ers 4lo7ing

gently in the 4ree<eA

1M #;amine your mental image closely6

M "o7 different 7as your image from the usual picture postcard vie7 of a pleasant sceneA

*as the sun you 7ere 7atching sin5 4elo7 the hori<on vie7ed from a distant planetA Did you find

yourself 7heeling through infinite space, past planets and in and out of different dimensions, as

you vie7ed the night s5yA *ere the flo7ers in the field in your imagination species you had never

seen 4eforeA *ere their colors in the leaves and the green chlorophyll in their petalsA %r, 7ere

you seeing a 4og-standard pretty vie7 that you could find in any tourist 4rochure or screen-saving

programA 323M


B(C9 % %P

he point of the a4ove e;ercise is to demonstrate the no matter ho7 vivid your imagination might

4e, this 5ind of thin5ing does little to change the architecture of your 4rain6 'n fact, the very

difficulty your might e;perience in trying to visuali<e ne7 ta5es on any of the e;amples a4ove is

evidence that the 4rain, 7hen it functions efficiently, do7ngrades creativity and imagination in

favor of the familiar6 (n efficient 4rain 7or5s economically, 7ith minimal use of energy and

ma;imum reliance on 7hat it already 5no7s6 (n effective, thin5ing 4rain, on the other hand, is fit

for purpose6 hat is, it accomplishes precisely 7hatever you set out to do6 hat re:uires thin5ing

and living 4y design6



*e 5no7 that in order to accelerate physical performance, 7e need to stress the 4ody and give it

time to adapt6 (thletes in training routinely ta5e on handicaps, such as an5le-7eights or training

sessions at higher altitudes, in order to force this process of adaptation6 hen, 7hen their

handicap is removed, their performance ma5es a :uantum leap to a higher, level6 he shift, 4oth

physical and in conscious a7areness, is profound and sometimes life-changing6

his process 7or5s mentally as 7ell6

( gifted young tennis player came in for a motivational session a fe7 7ee5s 4efore her

*im4ledon de4ut6 $he and her coach e;plained that everything a4out her game 7as e;emplary

Te;cept for her speed6 #ven though she 7as e;tremely fit, she needed to increase her speed if

she 7as to ma5e the most of this opportunity6

!ental imagery 7as included in her program leading up to the tournament6 $he played gameafter game, ensuring that every stro5e 7as perfect6 $he had po7er, focus and endurance6 hen

she added the follo7ing dimension to her mental game6

H' imagine that '@m playing on the slopes of a volcano ust after an eruption6 "ot lava is a4out to

s7allo7 me up, so ' have to 5eep moving6 ' have to move faster than '@ve ever moved 4efore

7hile still 7atching the 4all = H

*ithin a very short time, o4servers, including her coach, noticed a mar5ed increase in her speed6

"er playing style 7as also noticea4ly different6 #ven though she appeared to others to 4epo7ering her 7ay through her opponents@ games, she remained calm and mentally rela;ed6

Hhe strange thing,I she said later, His that everything around me seems to slo7 do7n6 ' don@t

really have a strong feeling that '@m speeding up6 But, sometimes ' react to something that '

haven@t even noticed consciously6 he game seems to 4e playing me, rather than the other 7ay

around6I

CASE STUD/: THE BANNISTER EFFECT

Roger Bannister only 4ro5e the four-minute mile record after his coach refused to give him any

feed4ac5 a4out his performance6 Bannister 4egan training himself, pushing hard against the

4arrier of the 7idespread 4elief that 4rea5ing the record 7as impossi4le6 Later, in descri4ing the

process, he unconsciously revealed part of the strategy 7e have 4een ma5ing e;plicit6



(ll sporting events are more mental than physical, he said6 Physical training could 4e arduous,

sometimes e;tending over years, laying do7n the patterns of the athlete@s performance in the

4rain6 he foundations might 4e 7ell esta4lished, 4ut the real :uestion, he 4elieved, 7as 7hether

the athlete could allo7 the 4rain to do its 4it 7ithout interference6

Bannister emphasi<ed that it 7as important to visuali<e the desired outcomes in detail6 hen, he

said, he seemed to step out of his 4ody, to have the sense that he 7as loo5ing do7n on himself,

7atching himself run, 7ith a curious sense of detachment6321M

"is cognitive shift 7as profound, almost religious6 "e 7as no longer a7are of moving6 "e seemed

to 4lend 7ith nature6 "e discovered 7hat he descri4ed as a ne7 source of po7er a 4eauty, a

source he never dreamt e;isted6 32M


%nce you are comforta4le 7ith the principles and techni:ues presented in this chapter, it is time

to tap into the Bannister #ffect and raise the 4ar6

THE NE4 0ENTAL REHEARSAL

(dvanced mental rehearsal has three :ualities 4eyond simply practicing the desired s5ill,

4ehavior or response6 o increase effectiveness, the future-pace must

O Be unusual

O 'nvolve a handicap of sorts

O Be carried out in t7o distinct stages6

his is ho7 it is done6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK



E.ERCISE #(: RAISIN+ THE BAR

36 $tart 7ith a s5ill you already have and 7hich you 7ould li5e to improve6

Physical e;amples might 4e 5ic5ing for a martial artistM, stretching for an athlete or dancerM,

lifting a certain 7eight for a 4ody4uilderM6

16 Create a movie of yourself or someone particularly adeptM carrying out the procedure6

!a5e the movie vivid, 7ith strong colors, sounds, and highly distinctive movements6 #dit as

re:uired, until the s5ill is 4eing perfectly demonstrated6

6 *hen the movie is e;actly as you 7ant it, step associateM into the 4eginning6

(t this point you@re seeing through your o7n eyes, hearing through your o7n ears, and feeling

through your o7n feelings6 Run the movie several times, ensuring that you effortlessly reach your

goal6

26 No7, introduce a dramatic handicap6

he more 4i<arre your handicap, the 4etter6 )our left, rational corte; may regard it as ridiculous,

4ut it is your non-dominant unconscious mind 7e are challenging6 'f this is an act of strength,

such as po7er-lifting, load a couple of 4ison on to your 7eights, then a couple more6 'f you are

running, s7imming or stretching, ma5e sure there@s a po7erful counterforce trying to prevent you

reaching your goal6 'f you are performing on stage, you might 4e doing it in the middle of an air

raid or a hurricane6 But, and this is crucial to your success, you must make sure t"at you aways

rea!" t"e goa% and you must a!ti(ey fee t"e effort of rea!"ing it. hen, test to find out ho7 your

level has 4een reset6



E6 Repeat the e;ercise many times, especially late at night6

Do not s5imp on the effort, and aways hit your target, regardless of ho7 challenging the handicap

might 4e6 9eep increasing the handicap, and 5eep achieving your outcome 7ith precision and

satisfaction6 est your progress fre:uently and 5eep trac5 of 7hatever you f ind different and

4etter6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

B(C9 % %P

B#%R# !%+'NG %N % "# N#X C"(P#R, choose a physical s5ill you 7ould li5e toimproveT5ic5ing higher in a martial art, strengthening your tennis 4ac5hand, etc6 >se the

techni:ue a4ove to enhance your performance6 Be sure to test your 7or56 )ou can also use the

same techni:ue to improve performance in other fields, such as pu4lic spea5ing6 Remem4er,

7hatever the handicap, your outcome must 4e consistently e;cellent6


REFERENCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER FOURTEEN

336 Pascual-Leone (, Dang N, Cohen LG, Brasil-Neto P, Cammarota (, "allett ! 3EM

!odulation of muscle responses evo5ed 4y transcranial magnetic stimulation during the

ac:uisition of ne7 fine motor s5ills6 ournal of Neurophysiology, +ol6 .2, 'ssue , pp 30.-302E

316 )ue Guang, Cole 9 31M $trength increases from the motor program comparison training

7ith ma;i-mal voluntary and imagined muscle contractions6 ournal of Neurophysiology F.EM

3332-1

36 !edina 100M Brain Rules 31 Principles for $urviving and hriving at *or5, "ome and$chool, $eattle, *( Pear Press

326 Ru4y P, & Decety 6 #ffect of su4ective perspective ta5ing during simulation of action a

P# investigation of agency6 Nature Neuroscience 2, E2F - EE0 1003M



3E6 Pham LB, aylor $# 3M rom hought to (ction #ffects of Process- versus %utcome-

Based !ental simulations on Performance6 Personality and $ocial Psychology Bulletin, 1E, pp

1E0-1F0

3F6 %ettingen G, *adden ( 1001M C !otivating unction of hin5ing (4out the uture

#;pectations +ersus antasies6 ournal of Personality and $ocial Psychology, /, pp 33/ ? 131

3.6 '4id6

3/6 #t5in (, Pittenger C, Polan ", 9andel #R 100EM6 o7ard a neuro4iology of

psychotherapy Basic science and clinical applications6 ournal of Neuropsychiatry and Clinical

Neurosciences, 3. 32E-E/

36 "utson, ! Psychology oday !aga<ine6 !ind )our Body Going hrough the !otions6anJe4 100M

3206 'ntervie7 7ith author GM

3236 his thought e;periment is adapted from the 7or5 of neuroscientist Gregory Berns6 o read

more a4out his 7or5 on ho7 imagination can 4e enhanced 4y pushing against the 4oundaries of

Hla<yI visuali<ation, see 'conclast ( Neuroscientist Reveals "o7 to hin5 Differently 100/M6

Boston !( "arvard Business Press

3216 httpJJ7776achievement6orgJautodocJpageJ4an0int-.

326 'n Cameron 3M, he (rtist\s *ay6 %;ford, London Pan Boo5s6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

B(C9 % %P

CHATER FIFTEEN: BRIN+IN+ IT ALL TO+ETHER

'n this chapter

O he dangers of not-doing

http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/page/ban0int-7

http://www.achievement.org/autodoc/page/ban0int-7



O Be suspicious of certainty

O a5ing inventory

O he Being "appy algorithm for change6

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

rying consciously to change 7ithout a system is a recipe for failure6 'f it 7or5ed simply to decide

you 7ere going to stop che7ing your nails, :uit smo5ing, lose your an;iety or drop thirty pounds,

you 7ould have done it 4y no76 his is the pro4lem 7ith much of the physical and psychological

health advice handed out to people 4y the professionals today you need to eat less, e;ercisemore, rela;, give up the cigarettes and remem4er your five-a-day =

Psychologists and self-help gurus often tell their patients and clients to stop living in the past, let

go of 7hat happened6 he pro4lem is they neglect to tell their patients ho7 to do it6

THE DAN+ERS OF NOTDOIN+M

!uch of the advice people are given and give themselvesM is phrased negatively6 By this, 7e do

not mean they are not thin5ing positively6 *hat 7e mean is they are trying to get rid of a pro4lem

4y not doing something6 rying to not-do a thought or action can paraly<e the person doing it6 'n

fact, this is 7hat causes certain conditions such as an;iety attac5s or compulsive 4ehavior to

spiral out of control6

Not-doing simply does not 7or56 he human nervous system is not structured to process

negators6 Negators are 7ords and phrases that act to cancel or reverse the meaning of a phrase

or sentence6 #;amples include the 7ords don@t, shouldn@t, mustn@t and can@t6

#very parent and guardian 7ill have e;perienced the inevita4le conse:uences of telling a toddler,

HDon@t drop the mil5I $ome may even have convinced themselves that they have learned ho7 to

practice reverse psychology@ on their children 4y telling them not to do the thing they 7ant the

5ids to do6



he pro4lem 7ith negation is your 4rain has first to ma5e the picture of the action e6g6 dropping

the mil5M, and then someho7, negate itT4y 7hich time, it is often too late6 Creating change

follo7s the same principle6 't re:uires that you do rather than you try to not-do things6 't re:uires

that you have clear alternative outcomes to7ards 7hich your 4rain can move e6g6 Hhat@s rightT

hold the mil5 carefully6 Good 4oyI

+arious approaches try to get people to unlearn negative patterns6 hese re:uire that the thin5er

challenge the thoughts that cause the feelings and 4ehavior6 (side from 4eing incredi4ly 4oring

and time-consuming, 7hat these systems lac5 is an alternative direction or outcome made

compelling 4y the 5ind of customi<ed detail that ma5es sense to the individual and his or her

mental maps6

o effectively create a process for change re:uires you first conduct a personal inventory6 his

ena4les you to 5no7 7hat 5ind of pictures you are ma5ing, their :ualities su4-modalitiesM and7here your strong 4eliefs are located6

People often anthropomorphi<e pro4lems6 hey give them names and then act as if the name is a

real thing6

H!y lo7 self-esteem is holding me 4ac5I

H)our depression means you should change your o4I6

*hile NLP has developed techni:ues that e;ploit this tendency, you should al7ays 4e a7are of

7hen you are doing it6 *hen you catch yourself tal5ing a4out your parts@ Tthe part that is upset,

angry or insecureTimmediately as5 yourself :uestions li5e

H"o7 do ' 5no7 part of me is upsetAI

H*hat@s happening inside 7hen ' 4ecome a7are of thatAI

hese :uestions 7ill reveal the structure and process of your e;perience in terms of the su4-

modalities you@re using and the order in 7hich they occur6



$uppose you ans7er the :uestion, H"o7 do you 5no7 you are depressedAI 7ith, H*ell, ' 7a5e up

in the morning 7ith this gray cloud handing over me, and ' tell myself, %h, no, here ' go again@,

and then ' get this empty feeling in my gut and it@s as if '@m stuc5 and can@t drag myself out of 4ed

=I

rom the a4ove response you have valua4le information a4out structure and process su4-

modalities, as 7ell as a fe7 hints a4out ho7 you might change6 he picture gray cloudM has to 4e

follo7ed 4y the self-tal5 H"ere ' go againI and t7o 5inesthetics empty gut and 4eing stuc5 in

4edM6 )ou have confirmed that in order for you to have the e;perience you call H4eing depressedI,

these components must 4e present each time and in precisely the same order6

*hat 7ould happen if you systematically change the grey cloud to a pin5 oneA %r ma5e it more

translucent, 7ith the sun coming through from 4ehindA "o7 7ould things 4e different if you

choose to reframe the feeling in your gut as healthy hunger, and it prompted you to hop out of4ed and ma5e yourself a delicious and nourishing 4rea5fastA "o7 7ould things change if you

simply scram4le the order in 7hich these steps occurA

%ne depressive client reported feeling H4lueI ust a4out all the time6 his 7as a pattern he pic5ed

up from the phrases used 4y his mother 7hen he 7as youngTHfeeling 4lueI, meaning unhappy,

Hin the pin5I, meaning feeling fit and 7ell6 "o7ever, he :uite literally put a 4lue cast over the

pictures he made of everything he did6 *hen that 7as removed, his mood lifted6

THE I0ORTANCE OF SE,UENCE

(nother 7ay in 7hich people often fail to change patterns lies in the se:uencing of 7hat they do6

#ven if they 5no7 ho7 to do something differently in principle, they might start something too

early, too late, or at the 7rong point in the chain of actions needed to ma5e a particular strategy

7or56

rying to do things too :uic5ly 7hen 7e should 4e slo7ing do7n is a symptom of our times6 hemicrochip and everything developed from it represents one of the greatest technical

achievements of all time6 "o7ever, a gro7ing dependence on the computer to find instant

solutions, ma5e connections, carry out calculations and 4uy things instantly has a do7nside6

$ome researchers 4elieve this relationship 7ith the computer is 7ea5ening some of the 4rain@s

neural circuitry, preventing people from planning far ahead or se:uencing their actions in order to



achieve an outcome6 $ome even suggest that t7eeting, te;ting and ultra-dependence on

information delivered in sound 4ites is affecting the a4ility to interact socially, creating a 5ind of

pseudo-(sperger@s $yndrome6 322M

%n the other hand, learning to drive your o7n feelings, responses and 4ehavior systematically

4uilds these resources, literally changing the architecture of your 4rain6 Part of the secret of doing

this effectively is learning to pay attention to 7hat matters, including doing things in the correct

order6

Given the apparently unlimited processing po7er of the 4rain, it is easy to rely on our a4ility to

carry out several comple; actions at the same time6 #;cept, in practice, multi-tas5ing, as it is

more commonly 5no7n, is a myth6 rying to do more than one thing at a time, some scientists

4elieve, causes the stress hormone, cortisol to rage through your system6 'f this is prolonged, you

may even suffer chronic damage to the neural structures of your 4rain6

People, especially 7omen 7ho 4elieve they can multi-tas5, are in fact s7itching rapidly 4et7een

tas5s6 32EM his does not mean they are doing any of theses tas5s 4etter than, or even as 7ell

as they 7ould if 7or5ing on one activity at a time6 (ccording to >niversity of California Professor

Russell Poldrac5, information 7e ta5e in 7hile multi-tas5ing goes into the striatum6 his is an area

of the 4rain associated 7ith learning ne7 s5ills, 4ut from 7hich it is difficult to e;tract facts and

ideas6 'f 7e attend to one thing at a time 7ithout distraction, information travels to the

hippocampus, a region 4etter speciali<ed in storing and recalling information6

$ociety is changing, Professor Poldrac5 says, 4ut at a cost6 "umans are not designed to spread

their attention6 H*e@re really 4uilt to focus6I 32FM

%4viously, a certain amount of 7or5 must 4e done 4efore you can change your thin5ing and

move your life from 4eing do7n@ to Being "appy6 ortunately, if you have 4een follo7ing the

advice and doing the e;ercises in previous chapters, most of the 7or5 has already 4een done6

rom this point for7ard, you 7ill 4e 4ringing all the components together, se:uencing them and

setting up your o7n customi<ed process for 4ringing a4out rapid and lasting change6

/OUR 0ENTAL SA0 FILTER

'f you log on to your email account 7ithout some 5ind of protection against un7anted mail, your

system suddenly starts to run slo7 as it goes do7n under the 7eight of hundreds of messages6



But, if you install a :uality spam filter, your trou4les are minimi<ed6 )our 7or5ing memory the

amount of processing po7er availa4le to get tas5s doneM is li5e the Random-(ccess !emory

R(!M in your computer 7here data is temporarily held for later use6

he a4ility to clear your mental R(! of irrelevant information and filter unimportant incoming data

is critical to optimal functioning6 Neuroscientists have 4een a4le to identify the location of the

4rain@s R(!-storage area6 't is called the posterior parietal corte;, 32.M 7hile its spam-filter is

situated in parts of the 4asal ganglia and the prefrontal corte;, also involved in movement and

rational thin5ing6 32/M

(ttempting to multi-tas5 creates a 4ottlenec5 in the prefrontal corte;6 his in turn impacts your

7or5ing memory, resulting in stress, 4rain fog and a cognitive system running at half-speed or

less6 "appily, the human 4rain is e;traordinarily adaptive and the goal of 4eing a4le to multi-tas5

may not 4e entirely out of reach6 (ustralian neuroscientist Paul Du; has demonstrated that it ispossi4le to train yourself to speed up the processing po7er of your prefrontal corte;, there4y

reducing the gap 4et7een t7o simple tas5s such as hitting a 4utton and saying a pre-assigned

7ord in response to a specific cue6 "o7ever, he admits that this is not true multi-tas5ing of a 5ind

that 7ould allo7 us to process t7o or more comple; tas5s simultaneously6 32M

FLUSHIN+ THE CACHE

!ore than E0 years ago, it 7as 4elieved that individuals 7ere capa4le of storing 4et7een five and

nine chun5s of information in their short-term memory at any one time6 3E0M $ince then, more

refined analysis sho7s the num4er is li5ely to 4e a lot smaller, as fe7 as four chun5s of

information6 3E3M his supports our proposal that the mental cache needs a regular flushing to

5eep a 4rain running smoothly6

%ver the years, 7e have found a num4er of strategies that many hundreds of clients have found

useful in improving their mental and physical 7ell-4eing6 "ere are a fe7 that you can apply

immediately to start to improve your 4rain function so you can process information faster,remem4er 4etter, and generally thin5 more clearly6`

+et eno2gh s7eep



La2gh 3ore

"umor is an essentially tool of positive change6 ( little gentle goading, done 7ith good rapport,

can achieve 7onders6 (s agents of change, 7e never try to diagnose people or to treat someone

else@s diagnosis6 *e are trying to ma5e diagnoses 7rong6 'f people come in and say they aredepressed, 7e 7ant them laughing as :uic5ly as possi4le so that every time they thin5 a4out

4eing depressed, they 4urst out laughing6 Not every4ody has a sense of humor, so not every4ody

can use humor6 But 7e the authorsM use it all the time, 4ecause 7e thin5 it is important that

people learn to laugh at their o7n 4eliefs and difficulties6 (t precisely the moment they start to

laugh, they create a chemical foundation on 7hich to 4uild change6

People instinctively feel 4etter 7hen they laugh6 he definitive study on laughing, health and 7ell-

4eing has yet to 4e done6 *hat 7e 5no7 is that laughing can improve 4lood flo7, help you fight

off infection, sta4ili<e 4lood sugar levels, improve the :uality of rela;ation and sleep, and possi4lyeven reverse the progression of certain serious diseases6 3EFM !ore remar5a4ly, simply

e&pe!ting to have a good laugh, say, 4y settling do7n to 7atch a funny movie, 4oosts your

endorphins 4y 1.S and your human gro7th hormone "G"M levels 4y a massive /.S6 3E.M

Ta8e ti3e to p7ay

Play is not only fun, 4ut is necessary for you to 4ecome smarter, more rela;ed and 4etter a4le tosolve pro4lems6 't may also save your life and that of those around you6

(fter Charles *hitman clim4ed the to7er on the >niversity of e;as@s (ustin campus and shot 2F

people in 3FF, psychiatrist $tuart Bro7n set out to find out 7hat the 5iller had in common 7ith

other people also convicted of mass murder6 hough 4ac5grounds 7ere different, t7o crucial

similarities emerged6 he maority came from a4usive environments, and they never learned to

play6 3E/M

Play, it seems, is crucial to our childhood development and in maintaining health and 7ell-4eing

in later life6 o ma;imi<e the impact of adult play, favor freestyle rather than rule-4ound activities,

there4y encouraging improvisation and creativity6

Play falls into three types



3M Bo1y p7ay physical activity you do to enoy, not 4ecause you 7ant to 7in or need to lose

7eight

1M O9ect p7ay li5e painting, sculpting, simply @messing around@ the 7ay 5ids love to finger-paint

M Socia7 p7ay including hanging out 7ith other people, chatting, de4ating, flirting or pitting

mental 7its simply for the fun of it6 3EM

C7ose open 7oops

Leaving tas5s unfinished, 7hether you consciously remem4er them or not, can create an;iety,

ranging from mild to e;treme6 3F0M hese open loops@ are 7hat help 4usy 7aiters remem4er

unfilled orders 4ut, they can also cause pro4lems for people trying unsuccessfully to multi-tas5,

clogging up and slo7ing do7n the entire system6

*hen 7or5ing 7ith stressed-out 4usinessmen, it sometimes helps to have them go through all

the motor activities of the dayTopening and closing dra7ers, ta5ing out and putting 4ac5 files,

lifting the telephone and hanging up again, and so on6 his helps to counteract the cumulative

effect of all the interrupted and unfinished tas5s of the day6

rom time to time, revie7 your o7n life6 !a5e a list of unfinished tas5s, eliminating those thatreally do not need to 4e done, and prioriti<ing the rest6 *or5 your 7ay through your list,

systematically closing each loop in turn6 )ou can even do this at night as you drift off to sleep,

simply running through your day and noticing 7hich tas5s you have successfully completed, and

noting important, unfinished o4s in a mental or, even a physicalM note4oo5 for attention the

follo7ing day6

Learn to 3e1itate

Continuing our computer analogy, meditation can 4e thought of as a hard re4oot, an operation to

reset the system 7ithout eliminating saved data and soft7are 4y clearing out the R(! and

superfluous information not saved6



Daily meditation sessions have 4een sho7n 7ithin a relatively short time to improve attention

7hile diminishing an;iety, depression, anger, and fatigue6 #nergy, 4oth mental and physical,

improves stress-related cortisol levels drop, and your immune system comes 4ac5 on line6 3F3M

%f all the cache-flushing strategies, meditation is argua4ly the most important6 or relatively little

investment of time and effort although consistency and repetition are critical for good resultsM, the

4enefits of meditation e;tend across multiple areas of your life see (ppendi; CM6

BELIEF AND DETER0INATION

)ou need to develop the appropriate attitude to ma5e all this 7or56 )ou deserve this6 he secret

of success lies in 4ecoming determined to succeed6 %ften people are not a4le to act more

resourcefully simply 4ecause they simply don@t 5no7 ho76 9no7ing you have choices and

committing to the pursuit of those choices propels you for7ard in your personal development6

he simple 7ay to cran5 up your determination is

36 #sta4lish the su4-modalities of the something you 5no7 you 7ill achieve 4ecause you are

determined to do so

16 Do the same 7ith the su4-modalities of something you 7ant to achieve

6 !a5e the su4-modalities of t7o, the same as those of one6

't is important to do this rapidly 7hen ma5ing this sort of change6 )our 4rain learns :uic5ly6 Give

up the idea no7 that learning has to 4e slo7 and arduous6 'f information is presented too slo7ly,

the 4rain cannot detect a pattern6 'f you 7atched a movie one frame a day, you 7ouldn@t 4e a4le

to understand anything a4out the production6 Patterns only ma5e sense 7hen they run :uic5ly6

%ne of the earliest tools developed in NLP, referred to as the $7ish Pattern, uses t7ofundamental a4ilities of the 4rainTto change su4ective e;perience 4y altering the :ualities of the

mental imagery, and, to ma5e these changes rapidly6 he $7ish Pattern 7as developed to move

people from their present state into a desired state6 't is simple and it 7or5s6

a5e a moment no7 and set things up so that your desire to 4e successful at learning ho7 to

optimi<e your life in a specific area such as learning to master the principles and techni:ues in



this 4oo5M 4ecomes a determination to do so6 'f necessary, refer 4ac5 to the section on changing

4eliefs6 !a5e sure you ta5e on the :ualities of enthusiasm, curiosity and unsha5a4le resolve6

%nce you understand the mechanics of change, you 7ill 4egin to understand ho7 some people

can move in a matter of moments from sic5 to 7ell, depressed to cheerful, an;ious to deeply

rela;ed6

ust 4ecause you 4elieve something does not ma5e it true6 he techni:ues of NLP, particularly

managing the pictures you ma5e in your head and their su4-modalities, provide the means for

you to revie7 your 4eliefs, decide 7hich of them are useful and 7orth 5eeping and to identify

those that 7ould 4enefit your life if changed6 he things you 4elieve are structured differently from

the things you do not 4elieve6 his means that 7hen you change your mind-setTfor e;ample,

from s5epticism to 4elieving that putting everything in this 4oo5 into practice is surprisingly easy

and enoya4leTyou can move on to setting up your personal formula for change6

(n algorithm is often defined as a precise set of rules that 7hen applied in a particular se:uence,

can systematically move something from one state to another6 *hile the Being "appy algorithm

4elo7 might appear structured and se:uential, it is highly fle;i4le due to the range of situations to

7hich it can 4e applied6 he steps remain the same6 he content can 4e different6 *ith this and

all effective NLP approaches, success lies in close o4servation, careful preparation and

systematic e;ecution6

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0ASTER E.ERCISE #): The Being Happy a7gorith3 for change

36 )our time line6

#nsure that you have organi<ed it so that your past is diagonally 4ehind you, and the future in

front6 $ee Chapter 31 for revie7 if necessaryM6



16 Design your outcome6

Be systematic6 !a5e sure you are using all sensory modalities6 !a5e your timeline as richly

appealing and as detailed as possi4le6 !a5e sure you focus on 7hat you 7ant to have happen,

rather than on 7hat you do not 7ant to happen6 Do this before you revie7 any pro4lem you might

4e dealing 7ith6 his is very important6 'f you start 4y accessing your pro4lem state, you ris5

getting stuc5 in negativity6

6 'dentify 7hatever stands in the 7ay of accomplishing your goal in step t7o6

's it a 4elief or a 4ehaviorA "o7 do you 5no7 it is thereA 'dentify the su4-modalities notice the

se:uence of the segments 7hen the pro4lem e;perience occurs6

26 Resolve or remove the o4stacle6

Refer to your inventory in step three for clues6 Revie7 the second part of this 4oo5 for the

appropriate principles or techni:ues6

E6 Place your desired outcome on your future time line and practice your ne7 4elief, 4ehavior or

response6

$ee Chapter 32 to refresh yourself on mental rehearsal and future-pacing6

F6 est in the real 7orld6

(l7ays try out your ne7 responses and 4ehaviors in the real 7orld, and 5eep notes of 7hat is

different and 4etter in your life6 'gnore 7hat you have not yet accomplished6 ocus on identifying

your achievements, ho7ever 4ig or small, and 4uilding on those6 Be o4sessive a4out creditingyourself 7ith the a4ility to change and gro76 Do not 4e surprised if good things happen sooner

than you thin56 !ost people 4elieve they have to struggle, or that change ta5es a long time6 'n

reality it is the f loundering a4out, the messing around and failing to commit to change, that ta5es

up time change itself can happen almost instantly if it is set up correctly and you are determined

to follo7 through6




B(C9 % %P

No7 you 5no7 ho7 to create a life centered on Being "appy6 Do not 7aste your time trying to

change until you have made yourself e;tremely determined6 hen apply that determination 7here

it really matters6

(t the 4eginning of this 4oo5 7e identified the conditions of Being "appy as accounta4ility, pro-

activity, sensory acuity and adapta4ility6 *e said you needed all four of these characteristics in

order to organi<e your e;perience efficiently and effectively6 *e advised you to

O a5e responsi4ility for your o7n e;periences instead of 4laming someone or something else

O a5e action to change your life, rather than 7hining a4out it to your partner, friends or a

therapist

O Pay attention to 7hat@s importantTyour o7n patterns, your o7n resources, your o7n successes

O Be prepared to change tactics if your results are not 7hat you 7ant, or your circumstances

change6

Revie7 these :ualities no7 and decide 7hich you can 7or5 on first6 his 7ill clear the 7ay so that

you can ma5e even more far-reaching changes along the line6

Do not surrender to diagnoses, such as clinical depression or Post-raumatic $tress Disorder6

!ost people 7ho have 4een traumati<ed are simply doing something those 7ho have not 4een

traumati<ed are not6 hey are constantly reliving their e;periences6 hey are ma5ing life-si<e,

detailed pictures of the traumati<ing eventTand they should not6

'f you are suffering fear, an;iety or pain, you need to step 4ac5 and ta5e a loo5 at ho7 you

structure your e;perience6 *hat are you telling yourself, 7hat images 5eep cropping up in your

mind@s-eyeA rom this, the means of changing the suffering 7ill suddenly 4ecome apparent6 'f

some4ody says you should have more confidence, it does not help if you do not 5no7 ho7 you



are doing HinsecurityI6 "o7ever, once you understand the process you can mentally shift things

from one state to a more desira4le one6

(nother e;ample some people are a4solutely certain that they are unlova4le6 Because of this,

they 7ill rarely go out and try to meet people6 *hen they do, they 7ill almost al7ays 4e 7rac5ed

7ith fear and dou4t6 *e thin5 it is funny ho7 certain some people can 4e a4out their dou4tTand,

as soon as they understand that to have dou4t, they must have certainty, things 4egin to change6

)ou have to 4e really sure you have dou4t in order for it to 4e a pro4lem6 'f this descri4es you,

then you are no7 in a position to find out 7hat you are certain a4out and start to give yourself

dou4t a4out your limitations, and certainty a4out the things you 7ant6

*hen a client 7al5s in the door, 7e do not ar4itrarily set a4out trying to change him or her6 here

is a certain amount of preparation that 7e doTand this is 7hat you also need to do6 )ou need to

ta5e inventory so that you 5no7 7here your assets and your lia4ilities are located6 9no7ing thesemeans you can move things around, from the lia4ilities location to 7herever you store your

assets6 $ometimes, you need to e;amine very closely 7hat you consider to 4e assets in case

stupidity has crept in6 'n this case, move them directly into the lia4ilities location6

'n short, if you find yourself e;tremely solemn and certain a4out something and you are very

dismissive a4out people 7ho do not share your 4eliefs, stop6 #;amine 7hat you are thin5ing and

feeling very closely6 his may 4e the very area in 7hich you need to change6 (4ove all, hen

yo2 fin1 yo2rse7f hesitating, even though you really 7ant a particular change, yo2 nee1 to act

Tand act no76 'f you must procrastinate, procrastinate a4out putting things off6

*elcome to Being "appy6


RESOURCES AND FOOTNOTES FOR CHATER FIFTEEN

3226 $mall G 100M '4rain $urviving the echnological (lteration of the !odern !ind6 Ne7

)or5 "arper Paper4ac5s

32E6 httpJJ7776dailymail6co6u5JhealthJarticle-310EFFJ's-multi-tas5ing-4ad-4rain-#;perts-reveal-

hidden-perils-uggling-o4s6html

32F6 '4id6

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1205669/Is-multi-tasking-bad-brain-Experts-reveal-hidden-perils-juggling-jobs.html






3E6 Brol7n $ 100M Play6+ista C( (very

3F06 eigarni5, B6 3F.M6 %n finished and unfinished tas5s6 'n *6 D6 #llis #d6M, ( source4oo5 of

Gestalt psychology, Ne7 )or5 "umanities press6

3F36 ang )-), an ), eng $, Lu Y, )u Y, $ui D, Roth4art !9, an !, Posner !', $hort-term

meditation training improves attention and self-regulation, PN($, %cto4er 1, 100. vol6 302 no6

2 3.3E1-3.3EF

KKKKKKKKKKKKKK

B(C9 % %P

EILO+UE

ust do it =no7

!ultiple conditions compete for the position of Disease of our ime, 4ut if 7e had to choose one,

it 7ould 4e hesitation6

hin5 of the num4er of e;periences you have missed out on, simply 4ecause you failed to act

decisively 7hen that 7indo7 of opportunity opened6 No dou4t you have lots of e;cuses

Hhe time 7asn@t right6I

H' didn@t have the resources6I

H' didn@t 7ant to give up my security,I

(nd so on666

Loo5ing 4ac5, are you really happy that you failed to actA



he most important message 7e 7ant you to ta5e a7ay from this 4oo5 is if you are finally sic5

and tired of 4eing sic5 and tired, the time has come to stop putting off everything you have 4een

putting off6

Life-planners and life coaches seem to 4elieve the 4igger and uicier the goal, the more appealing

it is6 %f course, you 5no7 4y no7 that the 4igger the goal, the greater the gap 4et7een 7here you

are and 7here you 7ant to 4e6 (s a result of reading this 4oo5 you 5no7 that to esta4lish a

direction to your life, you must design smaller goals to function as mar5ers to 5eep you on trac56

)ou reali<e that it is essential to ma5e each stage increasingly more enoya4le so you can

maintain your momentum6 )ou no7 5no7, in order to prosper, you need to stop procrastinating6

)ou need to turn hesitation into action, any and every time you encounter something 7orth

pursuing6

he final e;ercise 7e offer here is a proven NLP approach for turning hesitation into an insatia4le,7anton desire to simply G% %R ' 't is a techni:ue you can set up and trigger 7henever you

7ant to po7er through the stages you have set up6

his techni:ue uses anchors see (ppendi; (M chained together in a se:uence that s7iftly move

you through a succession of states into the one that smashes through hesitation6

hese states are

36 "esitation

16 rustration

6 'mpatience

26 *anton Desire

E6 G% %R '

*hy must you pass through these particular statesA rustration is an e;tremely useful launch-

pad for achievement provided you don@t allo7 yourself to stay stuc5 in that state6 'f you@re

sufficiently frustrated, you@ll 4ecome impatient for change6 'f you design your outcome

systematically and 7ithin the parameters previously discussed, simple desire transforms into lust6



Lust can 4e a good thing6 *hen the lust 4uilds to an almost un4eara4le point, all you need to do

is let go6 $nap $7oosh=li5e an arro7 <ooming to7ard a target6

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E.ERCISE $*: O5ERCO0IN+ HESITATION

36 hin5 of 7hat "esitation really means to you6

hin5 of a time you hesitated perhaps 7hen you 7ere thin5ing a4out :uitting smo5ing, starting

an e;ercise program or ma5ing a phone call you did not 7ant to ma5eM6 "o7 does hesitating loo5,

feel and sound to youA Be specific6 (s soon as it feels real@, anchor it 5inesthetically say, 7ith a

touch on one 5nuc5leM6

16 !ove 4ac5 in time to some of you 5ey moments of hesitation and regret6

(mplify the anchor for each event and stac5 them in the same place6

6 (nchor the ne;t three statesTfrustration, impatience, 7anton desireTin turn6

Recall e;amples from your past of e;periences representing each of these three states see, hear

and feel them as if they 7ere happening right no76 Ne;t, anchor each in a different location6

26 *hen you access and anchor the G% %R ' state, use su4-modalities to amplify your

response6



hin5 of a time 7hen you ust 7ent for 7hat you 7anted6 !a5e the final state of action highly

specific and e;tremely po7erful6 't must literally involve you getting up and going to7ard an

o4ective6 $teep yourself in that e;perience amplify its su4-modalities6 No7 anchor it6

E6 his fifth step involves a process 7e call chaining6

Chaining lin5s your anchors together so that firing the first sets off the others in :uic5 succession6

his 7ill push you into a strong, focused, highly targeted G% %R ' state of mind6

a6 (s you fire the first anchor, thin5 of all the times 7hen you stopped yourself from doing 7hat

you really 7anted to do

46 %nce you access this state, fire the second anchor6 "old 4oth anchors for a moment releasethe first anchor

c6 (s your response s7itches from anchor num4er one to anchor num4er t7o, fire off anchor

num4er three

d6 est again6 ire anchor num4er one 7hen it triggers anchor t7o and follo7ed 4y anchor three,

fire anchor num4er four6

e6 Repeat until firing the first anchor automatically drives your e;perience through all otheranchors and directly into your G% %R ' state6

Note )ou may find this e;ercise easier to do 7ith a friend6 $hould you continue to have difficulty,

consult a suita4ly :ualified and e;perienced NLP practitioner6

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B(C9 % %P

Psychologists classify the act of learning as state-specific6 his means that the ne7 response or4ehavior needs to generali<e then 4e reinserted into the appropriate area of your life6 %nce you

have accomplished this, you 7ill find it increasingly easy to fire off the first anchor and e;perience

yourself moving seamlessly through all f ive states into your G% %R ' state6



o achieve this mastery, simply thin5 of three to five situations in the future 7here moving from

hesitation to G% %R ' 7ould 4e a useful response then fire your anchors 7hile mentally

rehearsing the details of the transitions until you are fully comforta4le 7ith the prospect of

con:uering hesitation6

here are times 7hen hesitation is good6 't acts as an early-7arning system, that feeling in your

gut that tells you to 4e 7ary of a certain deal, not to enter a stranger@s home, or to call a ca4

rather than accept a ride6 his is not the type of hesitation you 7ant to minimi<e6 his type of

hesitation is central to survival and you already have a techni:ue to protect you in these

situations6

he hesitation you do 7ant to address includes situations such as not pic5ing up the phone to

deal 7ith an issue failing to ta5e an opportunity 4ecause you are afraid or not 4roaching a difficult

su4ect 7ith your spouse6 hese are e;amples of situations 7here hesitation can hurt you ratherthan help you succeed6 )our unconscious mind is :uite literal6 Be sure you have thought things

through first6 )ou do not 7ant to roc5et from hesitation into stupidity, or 7orse, death6

4RAIN+ U

No7, 4efore you finish this 4oo5, ans7er this :uestion "ave you ever 4een in a really deep

tranceA *e thin5 of trance ? good trance, that is ? as a learning state an opportunity to allo7information to flo7 in effortlessly, and to ta5e on ne7 4ehaviors as smoothly as possi4le6

#very time you did one of the e;ercises in this 4oo5, you 7ent inside into a 5ind of trance 7hen

you 4ecome a4sor4ed in a 4oo5 or a movie to the point 7here it ta5es a moment or t7o to reali<e

that some4ody@s 4een spea5ing to you, you@re in a trance6 *hen you thin5, or imagine, or

visuali<e a ne7 outcome, you@re in a 5ind of trance6

But, ho7 did you 5no7 that you 7ere in trance 7hile you 7ere in tranceA *hat happened first =

and, then = and, thenA (nd ho7 did you 5no7 after you came out that you@d 4een in tranceA

)ou see, people go into trance all the time6 )ou go into trance all the time6 't@s li5e there@s a great

vorte; of trance, ready to open up 7henever there@s something your unconscious 7ants you to

do6 Li5e 7e say, may4e it happens 7hile some4ody@s tal5ing to you, or you@re listening to music6

!ay4e it happens 7hen you@re reading something important, li5e this 4oo56 But, 7herever and

7henever, it ust happens and 7hat happened as you find yourself drifting deeper and deeper as



your unconscious ta5es you into a deep enough trance for you to have some really po7erful

feelings ? including a feeling of great urgencyA

%f course, all feelings are important in some 7ay or another, 4ut, if you have one that@s attached

to a voice that says, H(ah = no, not no7 ? laterI, then it means you can put things off6

(nd, of course, there are some things you should put off ? dying, for e;ample ? is one of those

things you shouldn@t get around to for :uite a 7hile yet6 %r getting sic5, or falling off cliffs, or

ma5ing hasty decisions you@re 4ound to regret =

But, on the other hand, there are those feelings, such as the one 7hen you s7im under 7ater and

you feel the need to 4reathe and you struggle 7ith every fi4er of your soul to ma5e sure your

head 4rea5s through the top of the 7ater - that\s a sense of urgency - and it\s not a particular

pleasant feeling sometimes, 4ut it doesn@t really matter 7hether it\s pleasant or unpleasant,4ecause you feel driven to ta5e that 4reath and fill your lungs 7ith air6 ust to 4reathe in and all

the 7ay out =

No7, for us, there@s another feeling that accompanies the a4ility to loo5 at something you need to

4e a4le to do - and to feel a little 4it stronger, a sense of urgency, 4ecause if you see your ta4le

piling up 7ith unpaid 4ills, or 4oo5s you never read, or music you never listen to, you can imagine

ho7 you@d 4e at ninety years old and loo5ing 4ac5 at your life and feeling stupid, really stupid, at

all the time and money and energy you 7asted then 7hen you could do everything and have

everything, no76

Because, you see, 7hen you reali<e that everything you put aside and don@t finish, something is

left unfinished in your 4ody, and it 4uilds up over time6 #very tas5 that isn@t completed leaves

residual stress, so it ma5es sense, instead, to ta5e a loo5 at 7hat needs to 4e done and ma5e

sure you have ust the right voice, the right sense of urgency, filled 7ith energy and e;citement

and promise, so it@s as if your unconscious reorgani<es it so that every item left unfinished is

going to 4uild up stress, 4ut every action you ta5e in the direction you 7ant to go, every page you

turn, ma5es you feel a 7onderful sense of rela;ation, getting to feel smarter and more successful,

so that finishing things 7ould 4ecome second nature6

But, ust 4efore that happens, as your unconscious ma5es all the necessary adustments, things it

has to do first is go 4ac5 and unravel the past, to ta5e a7ay the thousands of unfinished moments

you have and literally re7ind them so they run 4ac57ards, and, instead, put up 4ig, attractive,

shiny pictures 7herever you start finishing things - a fe7 tonight, a fe7 more tomorro7, and, in



the days and 7ee5s ahead, you find yourself propelled into finishing more and more things and

having a greater sense of satisfaction and surprise, 4ecause, not only 7ill you loo5 at your

unfinished tas5s and finish them, 4ut you@ll go through all the proects on your list and decide

7hich are 7orth finishing and 7hich can 4e thro7n out, 4ecause they ust don@t matter any more

=

R'C"(RD B(NDL#R (ND G(RN#R "%!$%N


B(C9 % %P

!* ,UIC- FI.ES

TO CLEAR /OUR HEADP

LIFT /OUR 0OODP AND

I0RO5E /OUR ERFOR0ANCE

$ometimes you 7ill not have the time to run through an entire e;ercise6 (t other times, your

energy levels may feel depleted, ma5ing it difficult to initiate or resume the 7hole Being "appy

process6 he follo7ing scientifically grounded :uic5 fi;es@ are designed to help you og yourself

out of your inertia and get going again6 *hile they are all highly effective short-term interventions,

they are not intended to replace the program presented in this 4oo56

36 'f you are emotionally stuc5

a6 Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth for three minutes, ma5ing the out-

4reath slightly longer than the in-4reath6

46 (s5 your unconscious for a solution to, or relief from, your pro4lem, and then move your eyes

in large circles, cloc57ise and counter-cloc57ise 7hile counting out loud from E0 to one6



c6 $hift your position6

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16 o cur4 an impulse to snac5

Revie7 in detail your last meal6 Remem4er the tastes, smells, appearance etc, of the foods you

ate6 Replaying a previous meal rather than fantasi<ing a4out the ne;t oneM has the effect of

suppressing appetite6 3F1M

B(C9 % %P

6 'f you are depressed

$ome 5inds of depression are related to functional 4rain asymmetry meaning the right and left

hemispheres are not functioning coherently6 3FM $ince physical movements on one side of your

4ody activate the opposite side of your 4rain, 7e suggest adding such movements to anything

else you@re doing to deal 7ith your condition6

$ome suggestions

O hro7 a tennis 4all from hand to hand6 Gradually 7iden the gap6 Practice doing it 7ith your eyes

shut6

O !arch 7ith 5nees lifted high6 ouch opposite hand to opposite 5nee 7ith each step6

B(C9 % %P

26 o improve your physical performance

al5 to yourself6 #ven simple, positive self-tal5 H' can ump highIM has 4een sho7n to improve the

strength and endurance of athletes, an indication that ver4ali<ing the action you 7ant to ta5e

prompts the cere4ral corte; to activate the activity-specific muscle fi4ers6 3F2M



B(C9 % %P

E6 o drive 4etter and more safely

Give yourself a running commentary as you drive, noting mar5ings, signs, road :uality, possi4le

ha<ards ahead, 7eather conditions etc6 al5ing to yourself this 7ay 4uilds 7hat aviation, military

and oil drilling e;perts call Hsituation a7arenessI $(M, an important re:uirement for improving

s5ills6 3FEM Consciously directing your attention out7ards and commenting on your actions 7hile

driving 7ill improve your o7n $(6 3FFM

B(C9 % %P

F6 o get an irritating tune out of your head

People, especially those prone to o4sessive-compulsive 4ehavior, often complain that a tune gets

stuc5 in their heads and they can@t get rid of it6 "e44@s Postulate, HNeurons that fire together, 7ire

togetherI, 3F.M also 7or5s in reverse Neurons that fire apart, 7ire apart6 9ill the annoying tune

4y deli4erately running the song in your head6 $imultaneously, sing random notes aloud, or even

another tune, if you feel really up for a challenge6 *ithin moments, the irritating song 7ill fade out

of your a7areness6

B(C9 % %P

.6 o reduce daydreaming and improve your memory

Doodle 7hile listening to a spea5er 7hose tal5 you 7ant to recall6 Doodlers in randomi<ed control

tests recalled nearly 0S more information than non-doodlers, 3F/M possi4ly 4ecause doodling

ties up 4oth visual and 5inesthetic channels, leaving the auditory channel clear for input6

B(C9 % %P

/6 o change your mood from do7n to up



a6 $imply recall the details of a happy e;perience in as much detail as possi4le6

46 Pay attention to all sensory details, 4ut especially the visual aspects6

c6 (nchor the response6

his vintage NLP techni:ue has 4een found to 4e rooted in scientific fact6 $ince 7e tend to

remem4er sad or depressing e;periences 7hen 7e are feeling do7n, 7e suggest ma5ing a list of

positive memories 7hen you@re in a good mood, to refer to 7hen you are not6 3FM

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6 Build a Being "appy mindset in 0 seconds

$pend 3E seconds t7ice a day recalling in detail a pleasant e;perience from the day 4efore6 his

can give a 3ES instant 4oost in cheerfulness6 3.0M *e suggest ma5ing this a daily ha4it6

B(C9 % %P

306 'f you need a :uic5 4oost

$it up6 !ore than thirty years since e;plorers in the field of NLP first o4served that 4ody posture

directly influenced mood, researchers have confirmed that sitting 7ith your 4ac5 erect and chest

pushed out does instantly lift your mood and ma5e you feel more confident6 $u4ects as5ed to list

their 4est or 7orst :ualities 7ere found to 4e affected 4y 7hether they sat upright, or, in 7hat the

researchers called a Hdou4tful postureIT7ith their spines curved and chest slumped6 3.3M

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AENDI. A



ANCHORS AND ANCHORIN+

(n anchor is a trigger, or stimulus that evo5es a specific response6 't may 4e set in any of your

five senses6 (nchors occur in the form of 7ords, physical touches or actions, sights, and,

particularly certain sounds and smells thin5 a4out your reaction 7hen you hear Hyour songI

playing on the radio, or, smell coo5ies, 4a5ing 4read, or, ne7ly cut grassM6 $ometimes they may

occur internally and are triggered 4y 7ords, self-tal5, imagery or sensations6

Language represents the most commonly encountered form of anchor6 $ince the description the

7ordM is not the thing is descri4es, it must trigger associations to a greater or lesser degree thus

prompting the listener to ma5e sense of 7hat@s 4eing said6

(nchors may 4e set accidentally or deli4erately overtly, or, covertly6 (nchors can 4e rapidly

installed, as 7ith the Hone-pass learningI e;perienced 4y some pho4ics, or, over a period of time,

through gradual conditioning6 $ome may 4e geneticTe6g6, the response to a 4a4y@s smile6

he firing of an anchor may have a positive or a negative effect on the su4ect6

(nchoring is used in NLP as a techni:ue to facilitate state management, either 4y a practitioner

or 4y the su4ect himself6 o this end, a strong, 5no7n and desired state is set up and deli4erately

attached to a trigger6 his facilitates refle;ive access to the desired state at 7ill6

#ffective anchors need to meet several criteria6 hey must 4e

O >ni:ue and specific in the same place, using the same intensity of touch, volume, tonality, etcM,

other7ise conditioning 7ill not occur

O $et ust as the response pea5s, to avoid anchoring the state as it su4sides

O Refreshed, to minimi<e the ris5 of the effect fading a7ay6

(nchors may 4e

O $tac5ed similar states anchored to the same trigger in order to create a more po7erful

HcompositeI stateM



and

O Collapsed t7o dissimilar anchors fired simultaneously 7ith the intention of either neutrali<ing

each other, or creating an HintegratedI stateM6

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B(C9 % %P

E.ERCISE $!: SETTIN+ AN ANCHOR

36 Remem4er a time 7hen you e;perienced a particularly heightened, positive emotionToy,

4liss, e;citement, etc6

16 Recreate that e;perience as fully as possi4le6 $ee 7hat you sa76 "ear 7hat you heard and

feel 7hat you felt6

6 'ntensify these feeling6 Notice the direction your feelings move6 $pin this feeling faster and

faster6 'ncrease the intensity of the other su4-modalities, 4rightening the colors, 4ringing the

image closer, etc6

26 (s the feeling 4egins to pea5, firmly press the 4ac5 of your hand, or, 4ring the thum4 and

forefinger of one hand firmly together6 hen, let go, ust 4efore you sense the feeling su4siding6

E6 Change your position 4rea5 the stateM6 est the anchor 4y repeating the action e;actly the

same 7ay as 4efore6 Notice ho7 the original response returns6

F6 Repeat, if necessary, until the anchor is relia4ly in place6

.6 Refresh your anchor regularly to ensure it lasts6 (lthough a 7ell-set anchor 7ill pro4a4ly last a

long time, anchors may lose their potency if not used6



Note: )ou can stac5 anchors 4y lin5ing several responses to the same trigger6 he response 7ill

4e a synthesis of all the separate anchors, 4ut should 4e more intensely e;perienced than any of

them individually6

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*hen a simple response is causing pro4lems something li5e irritation at the sound of some4ody

else@s cell phone ringingM, the anchor may 4e effectively collapsed6

E.ERCISE $": COLLASIN+ ANCHORS

36 'dentify a response you@d prefer to have in place of the un7anted response6 'dentify an

occasion 7here you strongly e;perienced that preferred state6 $tep into this memory and intensify

it6 (nchor it on one part of your 4ody6 ire the anchor to ma5e sure that the state is po7erful and

the anchor properly set6 Change state 4y shifting 4ody position, humming a tune, loo5ing around

the room, and so on6

16 Ne;t thin5 of the state you 7ish to change6 (s you re-e;perience this undesira4le response,

anchor it on another part of your 4ody6 est, then change state 4y shifting your physical position6

6 *hen you@ve tested to ma5e sure each anchor is properly set, fire 4oth simultaneously6 he

effect of the t7o contrasting anchors integrating is usually mildly confusing6 "old the anchors until

any confusion su4sides6

26 $lo7ly lift the anchor of the un7anted state, follo7ed a fe7 seconds later 4y the anchor for the

resource state6



E6 est 4y trying to trigger the un7anted response6 'nstead, your response should 4e more

neutral, or, the resource state should dominate6

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AENDI. B: SUB0ODALIT/ DISTINCTIONS

Qthe 1ifferences that 3a8e the 1ifference

he pictures, sounds and feelings the sensory modalitiesM you use to create your internal models

of reality are organi<ed in a certain se:uence6 ( picture may prompt you to spea5, or comment, to

yourself6 )ou@ll certainly have a feeling a 5inestheticM as a result of either visuali<ing or tal5ing to

yourself6

)ou may find you favor one modality over the others6 his does not mean you do not use the

other modalities it is simply a sensory preference6 Be a7are that pro4lem 4ehavior is often

loc5ed into the sensory systemsM that are not in your conscious a7areness6 or e;ample, a client

7ho complains that he or she Hust can@t seeI his or her 7ay clear to feeling 4etter than they do

no7 gives us some insight into a need to develop a visual representation of the desired outcome

seeing a clear 7ayM6

*hile these component parts and the order in 7hich they are arranged are important, the

characteristics of each modality are e:ually important6 *hen you e;amine your pictures, you@ll

find they have variations6 $ome are moving, 7hile others are still they might 4e colorful or

monochromatic6 hey may 4e framed or panoramic, as if you@re actually inside the e;perience,

seeing it 7ith your o7n eyes, hearing 7ith your o7n ears and feeling 7ith your o7n feelings6

Li5e7ise, your auditory and 5inesthetic modalities have characteristics su4-modalitiesM6

Changing su4-modalities systematically can have a profound effect on your su4ective

e;perience6 *hen e;perimenting 7ith your o7n su4-modalities, change one at a time6 hen put it

4ac5 4efore moving on to the ne;t6 9eep a note of 7hat happens for future reference6

Note: (ll su4-modalities are led 4y a driver6 or e;ample, rather than change all the :ualities of a

given su4-modality, loo5 for the one that causes the entire structure the GestaltM to change6



(ssociationJDissociation, $i<e and Location, $tillJ!oving are the most fre:uently encountered

drivers6 3.1M

he list that follo7s is 4y no means complete6 (dd the distinctions you identify from your o7n

e;perience6 hen, include e;periences and 4ehavior, particular the patterns, you o4serve among

your friends, family and colleagues6

5ISUAL

(ssociatedJdissociated

ColorJ4lac5 and 7hite

!ovingJstill

Location

$i<e

+ividJpastel

ramedJpanoramic

$hape

NearJmidJfar

DistinctJfu<<y

1-DJ-D

oregroundJ4ac5ground

$ingleJmultiple images

$moothJer5y



#cho

!onauralJstereo

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-INESTHETIC

Locali<edJ7hole-4odied

!ovement

Location

Direction

#;tent 7here it starts and 7here it finishesM

Pressure

emperature

Duration

'ntensity

$i<e

$hape

empo

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B(C9 % %P



AENDI. C: INSIDE OUT: TA0IN+ THE 0ON-E/ 0IND

!any people complain, or sho7 the symptoms, of scattered thin5ing6 ailure to cur4 this self-tal5,

mental imagery, and random feelings and sensations, leads to a condition 7e call Hruna7ay

mindI6

)ou may have e;perienced this yourself6 "o7 many times have you lain a7a5e 7ith the thoughts

of the day racing around inside your head, ma5ing sleep impossi4leA %r, after a heated

argument, the anger lingers for days as you run and re-run the incident along 7ith everything you

ought to have said at the time, 4ut did not6

$ome #astern traditions call this Hmon5ey mindI6 o them, the untamed mind s5itters from 4ranch

to 4ranch, leaving confusion, e;haustion and depression in its 7a5e6 #nlightenment, they say, is

not an elevated state of rarefied thin5ing6 Rather it@s the taming of the mon5ey mind that allo7s

the true nature of H4eingI to shine through6

'n this model, taming the mon5ey mind means providing a more appealing alternative to

constantly leaping aroundTa safe place of peace, rela;ation, regeneration and change6

%ur a4ility to improve our health and mental 7ell-4eing 4y controlling the mind is 4eyond

:uestion6 $tudies demonstrate ho7 regular periods of in7ard focus can positively affect our

physical 7ell-4eing6 Periods of mental Hdo7n-timeI, properly carried out, have 4een sho7n to

O Reduce an;iety and depression

O "elp treat addictive 4ehavior

O Lo7er 4lood pressure

O 'mprove coping strategies

O Reduce the ris5 of cardiovascular disease



O #nhance outcomes of psychotherapies, surgery and other treatments6 3.M

Recent research suggests those engaging in short and long-term meditation may even directly

trigger Hconsistent and constitutive changesI in gene e;pression6 'n other 7ords, ta5ing time out

to Hgo inside your mindI may actually help you re7rite your o7n genetic code6 3.2M #ach time

you sit and meditate, you may 4e sitting for generations to come as your enhanced genes get

passed do7n to your descendants6

'n the *est, there is still some confusion and mistrust a4out mind-4ody techni:ues imported from

other cultures6 (t 4est, they are seen as little more than getting a 4it of rela;ation, rather li5e

listening to music or ta5ing a snoo<e at 7orst, they@re regarded 4y some as infecting our minds

7ith passivity or foreign religious 4eliefs6

his is a pity, since it is 4ecoming a4solutely clear that meditation and self-hypnosis techni:uesare profoundly effective tools in developing the :ualities of hope, healing and happinessTtrue

mind-4ody tools you can use to increase energy, engagement 7ith the outside 7orld and to

develop personal freedom6

!any people argue over the differences 4et7een meditation and self-hypnosis6 'n reality it

pro4a4ly doesn@t matter6 $ome people prefer a more active, directed approach, 7hile others favor

a more content-free undirected techni:ue6 't@s li5ely that the act of sitting regularly and spending

fifteen to t7enty minutes reflecting on your inner 7orld 7ill sho7 4enefits, 7hichever approach

you prefer6 ry 4oth and decide for yourself6

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E.ERCISE $#: DIRECTED SELFH/NOSIS

ime 3E to 10 minutes

36 ell yourself that you@ll spend the ne;t fifteen to 10 minutes in a state of deep rela;ation6



$it some7here comforta4le and :uiet and start 4y loo5ing up7ards, as if inside your head,

to7ards the cro7n6

16 a5e a deep 4reath through your nose6

"old the 4reath for a fe7 moments, then release it and allo7 your eyelids to close do7n, a4out a

third of the 7ay 7hile 5eeping your eyes still loo5ing up6

6 a5e a second 4reath6

"old it a little longer, then, as you let it out, allo7 your eyelids close another third of the 7ay do7n

eyes still loo5ing upM6

26 a5e a third 4reath6

"old it longer still, then, as you 4reathe out, let your eyelids close all the 7ay6 Rela; your eyes

and settle 4ac5 to accept the comfort and support of your chair6

E6 (fter a fe7 moments, imagine you@re 7atching yourself from outside your 4ody6

Notice the signs of gro7ing rela;ation the softening of your muscles, the shallo7ness of your

4reath, the 7ay your face smoothes out6

F6 Ne;t, open up the center of the picture, rather li5e the iris of a camera, allo7ing a second

image to come through6

(s the image 4ehind e;pands, notice that it@s of you, 4ut t7ice as rela;ed as 4efore6

.6 $tay 7ith that image for a moment, then repeat from $tep F, dou4ling the indicators of

deepening rela;ation each time6

/6 9eep repeating the a4ove three steps6

6 Don@t 7orry if you seem to drift off6 *hen your a7areness returns, return to your images of

deepening rela;ation6



306 *hen the time comes for you to return to your daily activity, simply visuali<e yourself

stepping 4ac5 into your 4ody6

*ait a fe7 seconds6 $lo7ly open your eyes and return to your normal day@s activities6

or those 7ho prefer a more passive techni:ue, the follo7ing 7ill allo7 you to enter a meditative

state6

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E.ERCISE $$: THE RELA.ATION RESONSE

ime 3E to 10 !inutes t7ice a day for ma;imum effectM

36 $tart 4y selecting an anchor 7ord such as HpeaceI, HcalmI, H:uietI, Hrela;H6

)ou can also choose a neutral 7ord such as the num4er HoneI6 *hichever 7ord you choose, it

should remain the same for all sessions from no7 on6

16 $it :uietly and comforta4ly for a fe7 moments to allo7 the 4ody to start to settle do7n6

#ach time you e;hale, softly and silently repeat your 7ord6 )ou aren@t re:uired to visuali<e

anything or try to rela;, or do anything else6 $imply thin5 the 7ord once each time you 4reathe

out6

6 (ccept that thoughts and distractions 7ill come, 4ut don@t fall into the trap of trying to resist

them6

Rather, each time you reali<e you@ve 4een thin5ing of something else, gently return to the 7ord6



3FF6 $mith, 96, & "ancoc5, P6 (6, 3EM6 $ituation a7areness is adaptive, e;ternally directed

consciousness6 "uman actors, . 3M, 3.-32/6

3F.6 "e44, D6%6 32M, he organi<ation of 4ehavior, Ne7 )or5 *iley

3F/6 ac5ie (ndrade6 *hat does doodling doA (pplied Cognitive Psychology 100 Pu4lished

%nline 1. e4 100

3F6 Bryant , $mart C, 9ing $6 >sing the Past to #nhance the Present Boosting "appiness

hrough Positive Reminiscence ournal of "appiness $tudies, +olume F, Num4er $eptem4er

100EM, pp6 11.-1F02M

3.06 httpJJ7776telegraph6co6u5JscienceJscience-ne7sJF0303Jhin5ing-of-something-good-

that-happened-the-day-4efore-4oost-happiness6html

3.36 BriQol P, Petty R#, *agner B, Body posture effects on self-evaluation ( self-validation

approach, #uropean ournal of $ocial Psychology, +ol6 F, PP 30E - 30F2

3.16 Bandler R and * !cDonald 3/M6 (n 'nsider@s Guide to $u4-modalities, Cupertino, C(

!eta Pu4lications

3.6 or a comprehensive account of research into meditation, see Dr $hanida Nataraa@s 4oo5,

he Blissful Brain ? Neuroscience and proof of the po7er of meditation, London Gaia hin5ing

3.26 Duse5 (, %tu "", *ohlhueter (L, Bhasin !, er4ini L, oseph !G, Benson ",

Li4ermann (6Genomic counter-stress changes induced 4y the rela;ation response6 PLo$ %ne6

100/ ul 1.Me1E.F6

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RECO00ENDED READIN+ AND AUDIO5ISUAL

RESOURCES

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/6013013/Thinking-of-something-good-that-happened-the-day-before-boost-happiness.html






BOO-S

Richard Bandler6 T"e )d(entures of )nybody , Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 36

Magi! in )!tion, Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 3/E6Time for a C"ange% Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 36

Using Your Brain for a C"ange% !oa4, >tah Real People Press, 3/E6

Richard Bandler@s Guide to rance-formation "ealth Communications 'nc, 100/

5et t"e Life You #ant "ealth Communications 'nc, 100/

Richard Bandler, and 6 Grinder, Frogs into 1rin!es, !oa4, > Real People Press, 3.6

Patterns of the "ypnotic echni:ues of !ilton "6 #ric5son6 +ol6 3, Cupertino, C( !eta

Pu4lications, 3.E6

T"e Stru!ture of Magi!. o. ;% Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 3.E6T"e Stru!ture of Magi!. o. <% Palo (lto, C( $cience and Behavior Boo5s, 3.F6

Tran!e+formations% !oa4, > Real People Press, 3/06

Richard Bandler, 6 Delo<ier, and 6 Grinder, 1atterns of t"e 2ypnoti! Te!"niEues of Miton 2.

0ri!kson, +ol6 16 Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications, 3.E6

Richard Bandler, and %7en it<patric5, Con(ersations Freedom Is 0(eryt"ing and Lo(e Is )

t"e 6est , Du4lin !ysterious Pu4lishing, 100E6

Richard Bandler, and *6 !cDonald, )n Insider,s 5uide to Sub+modaities% Cupertino, C( !eta

Pu4lications, 3/6

Richard Bandler, and ohn La+alle, 1ersuasion 0ngineering% Cupertino, C( !eta Pu4lications,

3F6

Paul !c9enna, C"ange Your Life in Se(en Days, London Bantam, 100E6

I Can Make You T"in% London Bantam Press, 100.6 Boo5 and CD6

Instant Confiden!e% London Bantam Press, 100F6 Boo5 and CD6

Garner homson 7ith Dr 9halid 9han, !agic in Practice 'ntroducing !edical NLP--he (rt and

$cience of Language in "ealing and "ealth, London "ammersmith Press, 100/6

Ro4ert (nton *ilson, 1romet"eus 6ising% emple, ( Ne7 alcon Press, 3/6



httpJJ7776NLP'nstitutes6com

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httpJJ7776medicalnlp6com

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httpJJ7776ra7ilson6com

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THE SOCIET/ OF NL

Richard Bandler Licensing (greement

he $ociety of Neuro-Linguistic Programming is set up for the purpose of e;erting :uality

control over those training programs, services, and materials claiming to represent the model of

Neuro- Linguistic Programming NLPM6 he seal a4ove indicates $ociety Certification and is

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usually advertised 4y $ociety-approved trainers6 *hen you purchase NLP products and

seminars, as5 to see this seal6 his is your guarantee of :uality6

't is common e;perience for many people 7hen they are introduced to NLP and f irst 4egin to

learn the technology, to 4e cautious and concerned 7ith the possi4le uses and misuses6

(s a protection for you and for those around you, the $ociety of NLP no7 re:uires participants

to sign a licensing agreement 7hich guarantees that those certified in this technology 7ill use it

7ith the highest integrity6 't is also a 7ay to ensure that all the trainings you attend are of the

highest :uality and that your trainers are updated and current 7ith the constant evolution of the

field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Design "uman #ngineering, etc6

he $ociety of NLP

NLP $eminars Group 'nternational, P% Bo; 212, "opatcong, N 0./2, >$(el j3 .M ..0 F00

*e4site www.purenp.!om

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The Society of 0e1ica7 NL

Neuro-Linguistic Programming NLPM is 7idely regarded as one of the most innovative and

effective 4rea5throughs in the field of applied psychology6 Descri4ed as Hthe study of e;cellenceI,it is also 7idely used in sports, 4usiness and personal development6

!edical NLP is a gro7ing field, developing out of Dr Richard Bandler@s 7or5 and associated

research and clinical practice, and designed for health professionals of all specialties 4y Garner

homson and the $ociety of !edical NLP6 $ince NLP focuses on the structure of su4ective

http://www.purenlp.com/

http://www.purenlp.com/



e;perienceTHho7I something is done, rather than H7hyIT!edical NLP see5s to understand non-

ver4al and somatic language the felt senseM, as 7ell as the semantic value of the spo5en 7ord of

the patient 7hat is meant vs6 7hat is saidTunconscious as 7ell as conscious communicationT

to create a true language of healing and health6

!edical NLP provides a 7or5ing model and series of s5ill-sets, em4edded into a proprietary

three-stage consultation process that has 4een demonstrated significantly to enhance the

success of all aspects of the patient-doctor interaction6 Decoding and using patients@ preferred

ver4al and non-ver4al communication styles gives us clues to their o7n e;perience of illness and

health6 !edical NLP e;plores patients@ o7n models of their illness, including the structure of

limiting 4eliefsTfor e;ample, ho7 they thin5 the drugs 7or56 his allo7s us to use their uni:ue

paradigms and presuppositions to 4uild a resourceful Hconsulting stateI6 his helps 4oth 7ith

negotiating an agreed outcome and orientating them to7ards, and facilitating, recovery6

'n addition, !edical NLP provides practical s5ills to help deal 7ith stress-related pro4lems,

4enefiting the patients, as 7ell as helping health professionals attend to their o7n physical and

emotional Hhouse5eepingI6

he $ociety of !edical NLP@s raining Director, Garner homson, has delivered tal5s and

certified trainingsTno7 7idely accredited for inclusion in a num4er of continuing professional

development plansTto hundreds of doctors, nurses, psychologists, psychiatrists, physical

therapists, medical students, managers and allied health professionals from throughout the

>nited 9ingdom and a4road6

he $ociety of !edical NLP

$uite 133, 20E 9ing@s Road

London $*30 0BB

>nited 9ingdom

el j220M10.E33F/3

*e4site 7776medicalnlp6com


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ABOUT THE AUTHORS





RICHARD BANDLER, co-creator and developer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is argua4ly

the 7orld@s most influential contri4utor to the field of self-development and applied psychology6

"is 4oo5s have sold more than half a million copies, and tens of thousands of people have

studied his uni:ue 4lend of hypnosis, linguistics, and precise thin5ing throughout the 7orld6

( 7idely acclaimed 5eynote spea5er and 7or5shop leader, he is the author of many 4oo5s,

including Get the Life )ou *ant, Richard Bandler@s Guide to rance-formation, >sing )our Brain

Tfor a Change, ime for a Change and !agic in (ction6 "e co-authored Conversations, rogs

into Princes, Persuasion #ngineering, he $tructure of !agic ', he $tructure of !agic '',

Patterns of the "ypnotic echni:ues of !ilton "6 #ric5son +olumes ' and '', and Neuro-Linguistic

Programming +olume '6

Dr Bandler@s 4ac5ground as a musician and his interest in the relationship 4et7een sound and

neural functioning has led him to develop Neuro-$onics!, and a range of programs for the

Brainit light-sound machine, 4oth of 7hich utili<e music and sound to create specific internal

e;periences and 4ehavioral outcomes6 "e is also the founder of the mental technologies ofDesign "uman #ngineering D"#M and Neuro-"ypnotic Repatterning N"RM6

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+ARNER THO0SON, NLP !aster Practitioner and rainer, is the founder and training director of

the $ociety of !edical NLP, and the creator of the !edical NLP program, a field developed out of

the 7or5 of Dr Richard Bandler6 "e has taught to doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, nurses,

allied health professionals and medical students since 3F6



( long-time student and associate of Dr6 Bandler@s, he has a 4ac5ground in psychology,

communications, #ric5sonian hypnotherapy and trans-cultural and integrative health-care

70681623 the secrets of being happy

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