7th Grade Parent OrientationAugust 18, 2010

Understanding the Developmental Stage of

AdolescenceThe teenage years can be a roller-coaster ride

for both parents and teens. All pre-adolescents experience changes to one

degree or another.Their bodies and hormones are changing Intellectual development is not complete

Here are a few things to expect and some ideas on how to continue to love and support this

new person in your household.

The primary developmental task of a teenager is to separate from

parents and achieve independence

Personal power vs. Parental controlTo avoid battles - allow safe choices

Teens may be irritable and moody due to the changes internally and the increased stresses in their lives

Remember, feelings are not right or wrong Parent calmness counters teen emotionalityDon’t let your teen’s moods rule your moods

Young adolescents are not forgetful on purpose

Their minds are preoccupied with issuesEncourage them to keep their agenda

updated, and help them keep their room clean by working with them

Avoid nagging – but expect to help!Impose a scheduled time for certain

tasks, including homeworkHomework time ends with packing the

backpack and planning for the next day

Teens entering middle school feel extremely self-consciousThey are anxious They do not want to be differentThey are “dying of embarrassment”

on a regular basis! Focus on their strengths Empathize

Peer relationships will become the center of your

teen’s lifeNeeding to belong is a priorityBeing seen in the company of your parents is not

coolYour child needs to be with peers, but only in a

supervised environment Teens are often impulsive and subject to “group

think” Role-play possible situations with your teen, and

talk about choices and ways to get out of potentially dangerous situations

The Art of Parenting PositivelyIn an effort to foster a strong self-

image, many parents devote themselves to protecting their children from any situation or experience which may be difficult, upsetting or stressful.

However, over-protection may actually handicap your child’s

confidence. Overcoming obstacles gives children confidence and a

sense of their own abilities.

Become a helpful consultant, not a micromanager!

One way to achieve this is learning to be an active listener

Validate their reality and separateness as a person

Clarify and restate, reflect feelings, summarize

Help your child make positive choices!

Discipline does not mean punishment. It means to teach responsibility

Set clear rules, make them realistic and specificHave as few rules as possibleConsequences must also be clear and not overly

harsh Consequences are not always needed. It may

be more effective to remind a child of the rule and have a conversation to clarify and re-teach

Things to consider before choosing a discipline strategy for a given incident

Why is my child acting like this? (Is he stressed, tired, angry?)

Are there people present who will observe what I do? (Will it be humiliating for my child?)

What is my relationship with my child at the present? (How can I do this with love and firmness?)

What is the child’s side of the issue? Have you given him a chance to explain (if appropriate?)

Discipline Techniques that are not advised

Physical abuse, yelling, demanding immediate compliance, nagging, lecturing, shaming and belittling, setting traps, imposing guilt

Also avoid lecturing, judging, ordering and rescuing

Teenagers are very sensitive to fairness. If you allow yourself to lose control and behave badly, you will lose your child’s respect.

We are here to help!

Here are some excellent parenting books:

Kelly, Kate The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Parenting a Teenager

Bender, Paula How to Keep Your Teenager from Driving You Crazy

Bradley, Michael Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!American Academy of Child and Adolescent

Psychiatry Your Adolescent