7 Steps To a Stress Free Wedding

By Rick Brewer

Hello and welcome to “7 steps to take for a Stress Free Wedding”. In my 12 plus years in the

wedding industry I have dealt with thousands of brides. In my best guess I would say that over 95% of

them suffered more stress than was necessary. Here is the typical scenario: Girl gets engaged becomes

bride to be, upon becoming bride to be she takes upon herself all the worries of the world. Why?

Simple. Because since she was 5 years old running around in the front yard with a pillowcase on her

head pretending to be a just married bride who had met her prince charming she has built up visions

and expectations of her one day that had to be perfect in every way, shape and form. This perfection

that she had built up in her mind had super human qualities and now she has to make that vision come

to life.

So, for the length of her engagement she deals with her price charming, who at times resembles

something much less than charming, Her mother, who wants this wedding to be everything her wedding

was not, Her mother in-law to be, who has hopes and aspirations for her son, Brides maids who have

different ideas on the colors they should wear, Maids of honor who are unaware of their extra duties

and fathers who would rather have their wedding at the American Legion Hall (Not that there’s anything

wrong with that). It’s just that the dreams of a Camelot wedding did not involve darts and a pool table.

She also has to deal with the various wedding vendors. Mind you, that like most brides, she has

never had to before hire a photographer, buy thousands of dollars of flowers, champagne, wedding

videos, invitations, not to mention the food for 200 people. Some of these vendors are courteous and

understand her plight. But others can seem curt and have become accustomed to three or four

weddings and brides to deal with every week. To (unfortunately) a few she’s another bride and more a

source of income instead of a girl with a dream day to make happen.

As things often do there are snags, a blip here, a blip there. But combined all these blips are tarring

down her enthusiasm for her perfect day. The big things make the little things intolerable until she

finally melts down and at some point feels closer to a nervous breakdown then she has ever felt. This

continues until typically 1 to 2 days before the wedding. When she may takes a devil may care attitude

or she has given up too much worry and can worry no more. Interestingly enough at this point of peace

for the bride her groom starts to become nervous and feels for the first time in the engagement what

she has felt all along.

Here is the fun part, if what I have just described is you, we have a cure for the stressed-out-

“brideitis”. The steps are simple but require due diligence and require following throughout the

engagement. With all this said, lets get busy with the cure for what is ailing you and bring back the hope,

the fun, and the fairy tale you have been hoping for. First, let’s understand what you’re dealing with.

Why are you stressed out? You are hopefully marrying the man of your dreams and will have all of your

family and friends with you to help celebrate.

I think I know why you’re stressed.

1) You’ll be spending more money in your one day of celebration then you probably have ever

spent before in a week, a month or even several months.

2) You want to put on this great shin dig to show your groom how much you care for him as well

as be a great hostess for all of your friends and family who will be there.

3) You will be dealing with several different personality types of those I call the major players.

These include, but are not limited to, the following; the bride and groom, the parents of the

bride, the parents of the groom, the best man, and the maid or matron of honor. Now this will

depend on your family make up, as there may be an Aunt or Grandfather or someone special

who has raised you and is closer than anyone else.

4) Other considerations for your day are uncontrollable factors. These include; the weather,

mishaps with people, mis-timings which sometimes occur, and all the things which you will

cover but in the end result will have no control over. Do not worry about these things.

Going back to Number three; I have listed the major players in order of importance for your

consideration. In other words the mother of the groom holds more weight then the best man, typically.

Or at least should in respect to decisions and opinions offered. Again, your situation could well be

different and you have to decide who the major players are in the step one of your planning, so that

later on your will be able to offer them the respect and dignity that they deserve and want. Does this

sound silly? My experience with weddings has shown me that people can get bent out of shape for the

weirdest of reasons. In order to keep the stress off you, you will need to take special consideration of

special people.

Let me add that you do not need to give in to anyone’s desires over your own. Some people may try

to make you feel bad for not doing things their way or they may be the martyr for not getting their way.

Well, too bad for them. This is your wedding and my goal for you is to have the wedding of your dreams,

stress free, while accommodating those major players as they hold a special place in your and your

groom’s heart and they deserve accommodation and recognition.

The number one most important thing that needs to happen is that; the bride shows up, the groom

shows up, you both say I do and you live happily ever after. The presents, the honeymoon, the chicken

dinner, the first dance, the hair, all the extras, do not mean near as much in the big picture of life. If you

let these things bother you they can affect your marriage. Case in point; I had one groom who had too

much to drink at his wedding, and when it was time to send the bridal couple off to their limo and

everyone would throw the bird seed on them he became agitated and refused to go outside. No amount

of cajoling or pleading with him to just endure the one minute he did not like in order to just leave the

night a pleasant memory he chose to make a scene. He said, “It’s my wedding and I don’t want people

throwin’ stuff at me!” Mind you everybody had a great time and it was a super wedding. They were a

lovely couple and in my prior meetings you could tell that they were very much in love. The bride

begged him to just go and said, “Be a good sport,” but he refused. What happened is she finally said

enough, went outside, got in the limo and left him there. You can imagine how this marriage ended up.

The bad thing is it did not need to be that way. You’ve probably heard it before but, failing to plan is

planning to fail. That being said lets move into step number one.

Step One: Plan, Plan, Plan

In real estate the main things you need to look for is location, location, location. In accomplishing a

sizable task, such as putting on a wedding, there are 3 major tasks which will lay the foundation. They

are; plan, plan and plan. This is my advice; Take a day and go to the local library and sit in a corner that is

quiet and comfortable and most important, go alone! Once there start writing, write down everything

you want for your wedding. Keep in mind your situation and your expectations, etc. Write down all the

products and services you will want. Write down who you want to see doing what, wearing what, eating

what and so on. Write down who you will want to attend. This will start your invitation list which I

suggest you database on your computer and I will tell you why later. Write down any special detail that

you need to happen, special accommodations for any of your guests, any problems that may occur that

you can work on in advance. Write these items down in detail, this could take one to two hours. Once

everything is written, prioritize every item in order of importance i.e., ring comes before the dress, dress

before the reception and so on. You are trying to have a completed list of what matters to you- maybe

you want the Cinderella Ball with a fancy gown. Maybe you are more throw down with a rocking DJ and

an open bar. This is your list and your list alone, so don’t worry about what needs to happen from

someone else’s view just take care of you for now. I want you to find a point on your list. After that point

I want you to draw a line between items. This will be a distinctive line, everything above the line will be

“must haves”, or things that must be there in order for the wedding day for an “I do” to happen. You

don’t need to list the groom, let’s just assume he’ll be there. Below the lines are the” want-to-haves”

are negotiable these are the items that come second important to the must haves but are still items

you’re thinking about and important. They are just less important to the must haves and are not

required for the wedding to happen. Towards the bottom of the list would be another line that would be

between the “want haves” and the “nice to haves”. The last items would be the things that would be

cool but totally unnecessary for you to have a spectacular day.

It is important for you to distinguish now which of the 3 groups each item you can vision for your

wedding belongs. This will make sense later. Once you are done with this list start an action plan on the

“must haves” and plan to get those in the works in the works or even accomplished within the next

week. Depending on how long your engagement is you may need to get things rolling quicker. For

example, for your wedding dress the average order time from the bridal shop to the manufacture is 4

months give or take a week. If you have less than three months this either needs to get started now or

you will be forced with a lower priority on this item or some harder work in finding the dress you want.

Get time commitments on delivery of a finished product from all of your providers and understand

up front how long the process will take. For example, if your photographer says that he will want to take

pictures of you in your dress 2 weeks before your wedding get the commitment from him that your

pictures will be done and available to show at your wedding without any concern. There will be the

propensity to over promise and under deliver from vendors who are less experienced as this is how they

make their money. This is especially true if you are under any kind of time crunch. So protect yourself

and get everything in writing as understand each other at the beginning.

Once you have the must haves out of the way you will be well on your way to getting everything else

done in an orderly fashion and with much, much less stress. Also, once you have the must to haves

finished, the want to haves will come much easier and you will surprise yourself how much you will

finish and at the rate of speed in which it will get done. You may also want to take a few hours and call

several of each of the must have category vendors. Call two to three bridal shops and ask them what

their average dress cost, call two to three DJs and ask what they charge per hour. You will get the hang

of this after your first few calls. The purpose for this will become clear when you are in the budgeting

step. I ask you to take care of this now so you can be thinking about your budget prior to that step and

your budget will come in clearer and more on target. This will further assist you in clearly dividing the

line between the must haves and the want to haves also.

Step 2: Communicate

Putting together a plan of open communication will be different for each couple. Plain and simple

people communicate differently. Don’t let your feathers get ruffled if you do not agree with someone all

the time. There will be two types of issues to agree or disagree upon. One, major issues such as religious

affiliations, and who is and who is not invited. And two, minor issues such as the location of the cake in

the reception hall or the colors of the brides maids dresses. Prioritize which issues are major or minor

and go after the major issues first. The main communication needs to be between the bride and groom.

This is their day and things that are important to them need to happen first and foremost.

Mind you, typically the groom, fathers of the bride and groom will not have opinions either way.

This is typical and not necessarily your wedding. I was once closely involved in a wedding where the

major source of problems came from the step-father of the bride. He was controlling in nature and

drove pretty much most of the vendors crazy. The mother of the bride, the mother of the groom and the

bride were very pleasant but would get riled up by him, which causes more stress for everyone.

Sometimes people like this just have it in their nature to just say whatever they want to say and don’t

realize how it effects everyone else around them.

I would suggest that after you have completed step one and you have identified the major players

that you plan a meeting with all of them or as many as them that can make it. You may have to have

several different meetings, these meetings do not need to be formal they just need to be. The meetings

can be as simple as, “We just wanted to meet with all of you and thank you in advance for your

involvement in our wedding. Greg and I have decided that we will be taking care of the blank and the

blank and we’d really appreciate it if we could get some help with the blank.” These meetings can be

done one on one or even over the phone. Again, if you make these meetings happen you will open the

lines of communication and avoid a lot of stress.

Weddings with no or little communication with the bridal couple and the major players will most

time result in problems. I say most time because 5% of the time both families are laid back and just want

to enjoy the day. I worked one wedding where there was no communication, the end result was; both

mothers thought they were in charge and were going around telling different messages to the different

vendors. One would tell the DJ to turn the music up, the other would come by and tell them to turn the

music down. One would get the bride and groom together for cutting the cake while the other was

outside and ended up missing the cutting of the cake( as did the photographer and the DJ because she

failed to tell them about it).

If at anytime during the planning of the wedding if any person gets out of line the sooner you talk to

them the sooner the problem will end. The longer you let it continue the person will become more

involved and deeply rooted into the situation and it will become harder and harder to remove the

person from that situation. For example, father of the groom wants to do something nice, he decides to

surprise the bridal couple with a honeymoon to Jamaica. He starts by mentioning to the groom who has

different plans for the honeymoon. The bride had envisioned a mountain cabin retreat in the Poconos

instead. And that is what the groom is working on. The groom is shy to hurt his dad’s feelings and say

something like, “Wow that is really nice of you.” The father takes that as go-ahead signal and proceeds

to book the entire trip. Come to find out later the reason the bride wants a cabin retreat is she is afraid

of water , had never told he fiancé this and the honeymoon become a much less desired outcome then

the bridal couple had envisioned. The father of the groom on the other hand would have been just as

happy to give the couple the $3,000 he spent on the bad honeymoon towards a great honeymoon, but

unknowingly has upset rather than made happy the bridal couple; this all due to lack of communication.

I speak of formal communication here as you have a time limit on your wedding plans. In other

words you need things to happen in a timely fashion. That is why you need to forecast what possible

problems can occur and take care of them before they become a disaster. By sitting down and

communicating where each person stands in the planning and carrying out of your plans they will know

their boundaries and hopefully not step outside of them. Again, you will be dealing with several

different personality types and you know them best so communicate with each individual as to what

their role and boundaries are.

One other note on communication; You will need to fully communicate with your vendors so they

can give you the care and quality you deserve. If you are at your reception and the champagne has not

yet been poured, but should have been, don’t be bashful: Have your Maid of honor or Best Man go find

whoever is in charge and if you are not sure, find out. Fix these mistakes before they become unfixable.

If a vendor has promised you something and has not yet delivered do not lose your cool. Becoming

upset will not fix whatever the problem is, but will worsen it. Make sure though that you have had a

thorough dialog before the wedding- not just living together in mutual mystification.

Communication with vendors is not just for problems but to avoid problems as well. In avoiding

problems use the following method.

1) Do not book vendors based on price alone. Price is one and only one way to gauge a

vendor. Unfortunately it is not an equal standard. I have seen some vendors who were

absolutely terrific whose pricing was very low based upon comparison in the industry.

Meet face to face with the vendor- get to know the, See if you can trust them. I would

rather you trust them than get a deal.

2) When you book or buy from that vendor get a commitment from them before you give

them your commitment. For example, you find a dress that you really like and the dress

shop said that they would include a veil, you aren’t sure about which veil they would

include so rather then commit and feel ripped off after simple ask, “If I buy this today I get

to choose any veil correct?” they will correct you if needs be, or if not they will confirm

your statement and there should be no problem or switching around on their part. If they

then try to weasel out of their commitment you can then bring up the fact they had

previously committed to you that you would receive whatever it was that they had

committed to.

3) When you are comfortable and you book the vendor take the time to read their contract

no matter how long everyone else sits there in total silence. If they have a contract that’s

fair and reasonable (most do) they should have no problem. If not they will squirm around

and you will find the parts that are not in your favor. Be sure to write down any portions

that have been talked about but are not written into the contract. Tell them that you

watch Judge Judy a lot and she recommends that you get everything written down prior

to signing the contract. You’ll probably get a chuckle out of that. Before you go into the

meeting ,make sure that you and your future spouse are on the same sheet of music. If

you are unsure tell them that you need to run and get a soda or you need to go for a walk

and that you’ll be back in fifteen minutes so you two can talk in private. I am not trying to

encourage you to be indecisive. I want you to just be totally together on your decision so

that you can move forward with confidence.

Once you have signed contract get every phone number that that person has. I.e. pagers and

cell phones, store phone numbers, etc, so that incase there’s an emergency you can connect

with them. This is more for you then it is for them but give them all your numbers as well. This

will help keep the lines of communication open. And then if there is a last minute glitch, For

example, the photographer has flat tire on the way to the wedding and is going to be 20 min.

later then he promised you can reach each other fully.

Step 3: Setting a Time Table

I mentioned before that you will need to be aware of the time that you have not only to plan your

wedding but to get yourself prepared for your marriage. Weddings can be planned in as little as an hour;

depending on how elaborate you want it to be. But lets be real, all the fun stuff for your wedding is

unnecessary. You only need 1) a marriage license 2) someone to officiate over that license 3) you and

him to show up and say “I Do”. This can happen down at the courthouse in front of a Justice of the

Peace.

Now if you were like 99% of the brides and grooms out there you will want some of the festivities.

You may want a celebration to rival the coming of the millennium. You may want a simple gathering. I

am not here to sell you on either way. What is good for you is good for you.

As you will have to budget your money you will need to budget your time as well. Here is a simplest

way to make this happen. Lay out the months from the beginning of your engagement through to your

wedding day. You will have finished your planning stage and you should have all your assignments ready

for those who are helping. The first items on the chart will be the must haves. You will have start,

estimated finish dates as well as any other mid level steps you will need to accomplish. Such as meeting

with the DJ to give them your song list or meeting with the caterer to approve your final count. Those

may be the final step in the process or you may have several such meetings. Either way, what is

important at this point is that you sit down and strategize the starting point for all your tasks.

There should also be milestones throughout your planning process. I will not get into specifics on

when to do what but just be aware that some projects require more order time, more planning time,

and more advanced notice. I suggest that you chat with your vendors on this- they are the experts in

their world and will give you great information. For example, in any given town there will be certain

reception centers that will be booked as far as two years in advanced. If you are getting married in what

I call prime time or Friday and Saturday weddings you will need to consider your reception as a starting

point for your planning. To some brides where they get married is a must have. In which case, you will

not be able to start your wedding planning until you determine the wedding date. Which you will have

to book your reception first based upon which dates are open.

This time line will be a constant reference for you. In order for all the pieces to come together and

to eliminate stress from your wedding you will need to refer to the time line at least twice a week. This

will keep you on focus of the important items and setting them up in a timely manner. One other quick

note; you do not need a big expensive, costly wedding planning book. You can purchase just a 3 ring

binder and some paper for around $5.00 at just about any OfficeMax.

In most major US cities there will be a variety of free wedding guides. I recommend that you pick up

a few of them as they have the vendors you were looking for as well as helpful tips and suggestions on

how to select the right vendor for you. Do not purchase over the internet unless you simply do not care

about the quality, service, experience etc…- Meet face to face whenever possible, you can get a good or

a bad vibe from a person face to face and if you do go somewhere else as you might clash and you don’t

want that to happen on your wedding day. Think about this- If you don’t meet with your vendors, this

may happen: the last thing your wedding vendor wants to do is show up to your wedding and realize

that he/she looks just like your last flame before your fiancé and feel weird all day. The vendor who

doesn’t match will have other opportunities and getting a wedding that doesn’t work is usually not

worth it for them either.

Step 4: Macro and Micro Budget

Let’s talk about budgeting, you may or may not have a macro budget or an overall budget yet. If you

have a set amount of money to work with then that is your macro budget. If you do not and you’re open

to range you will need to work that range down or up depending on what you want prior to starting

your buying process. So, in other words you need to figure out your budget range is going to be

A Note about Budgets: I rarely RARELY meet a Bride who starts and stays on Budget. It is hard as

most Brides have never bought all of the wedding “stuff” before. There is great reasoning for the price

that vendors charge; Experience, Service, Quality have nothing to do with price. Quality Wedding

Vendors , Experienced Wedding Vendors, and Wedding Vendors who provide top-notch service are

worth their weight in Gold on your wedding day.

Prior to starting the buying process, because you don’t want to come back and have that budget

range affected by a bad decision that doesn’t fit in with your budget. This is important to do prior to

your buying process. In the 7 step process the buying process or execution of your plan is step 6, almost

the last thing for you to do. You will be buying with more emotion, and lets face it 99% of wedding

services and products are emotional purchases, or purchases you buy more in emotion rather than

need, and will over spend your limit.

It is important for you to plan and focus on the items and services you really want and will enjoy the

most for your wedding. It is further important to have a budget so you don’t get close to the wedding

day and have to try to cut things that are important out of the budget. I say try because you may by then

be contractual obligated to the item that you are looking to cut out. Case in point, a caterer I know once

had a mother of the bride call three days before the wedding and start cutting out things she had

contracted for. The caterer could not cancel these items since she had already committed to renting

them from a rental agency. The rental agency would not cancel. The reason they would not cancel was

because it was highly unlikely that they would be able to rent out this particular item this close to the

day of the rental. There was only 3 days out and they had already turned away other people that

wanted to rent it because they had a reservation from the caterer. The mother of the bride was

unreasonably angry and tried to take the caterer to small claims court which she not only lost but had to

pay for the court cost as well as the bill for the item which she ended up not using. The day of the

wedding was an icy feeling between the caterer and the mother of the bride, the bride herself was

embarrassed and very apologetic to the caterer. After all was said and done the bride sent a thank you

note to the caterer.

If you get caught up in the “stuff” portion of your wedding plans (you know- all the “cutesy stuff”

like bubbles and birdseed, the “I’m the Bride” shirts and more) don’t feel bad. I bought more cute stuff

for my wedding day then any other day in my life and we still have it today. It will happen to some

degree to every bride. After all, the little stuff makes the wedding fun and personable.

I am just saying you need to plan on the extras as well as the must haves in order to keep your

budget reasonable. You may choose to put together your budget after you make a round of phone calls

to various vendors and ask what their average sale is. You may also choose to put together your budget

after your day at the library. Whatever method you choose just put together an educated budget so you

can work from there and not have any buyers remorse or extra stress from spending too much money.

After you have your macro budget in place, or in other words the total amount you want to spend on

your wedding, you will then need to set micro budgets for each service or product. Hopefully you will

have done some homework and will know the price ranges for your city.

It would be unreasonable to simply guess on your macro budget and you would find out why when

you start to set your micro budget. I see younger girls often say they want to have 200 people for their

wedding and set a budget of 8 thousand dollars. That may cover the reception but from start to finish

bridal couples in America will spend approximately 28 thousand dollars. That includes ring and

honeymoon and depends on the number of guest but is an accurate average. Your budget also depends

on where you get married, or in what region of the United States. On average the higher cost weddings

are in the North East and California. Big cities cost more than small cities, as a rule, and the major cost of

the reception is a liability, something to consider, is alcohol or open bars. Once you have all the must

haves written down I suggest your write down an average ring for each item.

You will have incidentals or add on sales which are necessary but may not be included in the

average cost. For example, an average wedding dress may be 15 to 18 hundred dollars but this would

not include the cost of altering their dress as this is a variable expenses. The altering could range from

100 to 150 dollars depending on where you live. Don’t forget the details when planning your micro

budget. For example, we talked about the dress you’re most likely to need a veil, shoes, a slip, bra,

jewelry to go with your dress. This could run you another 5 to 6 hundred dollars leaving this detail off

the budget will most likely cause you to move a more wanted item. Send out emails to various vendors

you are thinking about doing business with and ask them specifics. What you will need and what you

should budget. Tell them to be as accurate as if you were standing there ringing up the sale so you will

not have any extra stress when you actually do ring up the sale.

Your major stress problems will usually be money related, that is why it is so crucial that you be as

accurate on this step as you possibly can. This step is not to teach frugality, quite the opposite. This is

the one day of your life to enjoy and celebrate. This is also to let you plan so you get more of what you

want and less of what you may not necessarily want. It will also get you in a different shopping mode.

For example, if a reception center offers complete packages, which will have a lot of fluff, which do not

want or need for you wedding built into the package but only offers those packages, while a second

reception center offers an ala carte option where you can pick and choose what you want, and is overall

better for your budget, the second one may be a better choice for you and will save you more money

over all. Then again, the first may be a more appealing choice for you depending on what you want and

what they are offering. Choice number one might be a better location or have a nice fountain that is

good for pictures. But, in the end result what will fit you best is what you choose.

I am not advocating frugality over choice or pragmatism over emotion, rather just helping to set

some limits so in the end result you will be stress free. You may want certain vendors over others, this is

again not to limit but to help empower because very few people in the world have unlimited budgets for

their wedding. In the final result if you stay on track with your budget you will be much happier and start

your marriage with a clean slate and not a lot of bills. One final tip on budgeting; the majority of

weddings in the US happen on Friday and Saturday. Sometimes wedding vendors will be negotiable on

their prices for off weddings Monday through Thursday or Sunday. That’s just a suggestion or something

for you to know when you’re setting your budgets.

Step 5: Involvement of Major Players

In this section we are going to talk about the involvement of major players. In every wedding the

principal players are the bride and groom and the parents of the bridal couple. Sometimes this can be

sketchy depending on which parents are married, divorced, remarried, deceased, etc. Determine the

principal players and plan a meeting together, after the bride has set her list of must have, want haves

and nice to haves to paper. This meeting also comes after the bridal couple get on the same sheet of

music with what the two of them are willing to negotiate on and what they are not. The bridal couple

must be together on this meeting-emotionally and planning wise- or you will leave the door open to

anyone who is anyone who is anyone to come in and push around their opinions and thus, cause stress.

At this meeting set the tone in which your love ones are going to participate with the planning of

your wedding. If you deem it necessary that they do not have a say in planning your wedding let them

know but do it with kindness. Remember, your wedding day is one day in the rest of your lives as a

family so be polite and respectful. I warn you to be aware of the mothers. They (more than most) will

want to be there with you helping, planning, doing and sometimes annoying. This is a female version of

a pee-wee football coach. Just keep in mind they hopefully love you and want the best for your

wedding. Believe it or not the over zealous mother is what usually starts a marriage off on the right foot

because the two of you will really lean on each other for support.

No matter what keep in mind that the honeymoon is just mere moments away and the most

important thing of the day again is to show up, say I do and live happily ever after. Everything else,

pardon the pun, is icing on the cake.

Step 6: Execution of the Perfect Plan

Alright so now you have your three-ring binder filled with notes. Little sticky notes filled with all

kinds of good information, you have printed out maps of every vendor you will want to visit and have

appointments with those who will request them. You are ready to go right? Not quite yet. You need to

sit down with your significant other and make sure you’re still on the same sheet of music.

Touch bases with each other on how you’re feeling towards your plan and if everything is still

harmonious. This will take you an extra 30 minutes. But if you’re off kilter on any item it will be well

spent time and same you a ton of stress. Once you have everything ready, let’s go shoppin’! You should

have a prioritized list that you will go after the must haves in order of importance with budgets ready

and questions to ask.

You should also have a notes page to where you can write down any action items. For example, you

meet with the photographer and before they can quote you a firm price they need to know if they can

photograph your ceremony. Some churches frown on this. You will need to get back with them after you

get with your minister. If possible take care of the details (such as this) right now. Make the call right

now to your minister so you won’t have to end up with more loose ends later on. Loose ends create

stress. Your portion of the shopping and decision making will be easy as you will probably not need to

confirm with anyone else.

Always take your finance with you to these meetings. Grooms to be may be difficult and give you

static about going, they may even make comments like, “Oh you take care of it honey.” If you are fine

with taking care of it no further discussion is needed. If not you will need to tell him but be gentle. Say

something like, “I can make the decision but I feel that this is an Us decision so could you please come?”

You have probably given out assignments to others close to you in the wedding party. Hopefully you

have thought through the idea of their reliability so you don’t get bit by them committing but not

delivering. You will want to follow up with them, but use caution. To them they make think that this is

not a big deal I will do what I committed to do, I will just do it later. Tell them up front what your

expectations are and when you need to have this done by.

There may be some time issues also, which they are not aware of. I recommend that you do not give

out any of these must haves as an assignment. Those are your and your finance’s to accomplish. If

there’s a problem with someone not following up to their task take it back. Tell them you’re going that

way anyhow and you needed to talk to that vendor for another reason. If their feelings are hurt try not

to be too worried. Love them anyway and soon it will all be behind you. If you do not do this there’s a

potential for deep resentment for them not accomplishing this task, which they can not fix once the

wedding is done. You are expected to be a stressed out bride and therefore slightly, if not totally,

neurotic. We all know that because you are following this program you won’t be. But what do they have

to know?

Step 7: Let the Good Times Roll

Alright, the last step. After all your planning, after talking and communicating with every person you

need to, after thinking forward on every item that you can, you still can not control everything. There

are problems with every wedding though. You need to know this. Whether you acknowledge and let

those problems become a focal point however, is up to you. You will face little things, you may face

bigger things. What I suggest is that you makeup your mind now to let them roll off of you like water off

a ducks back and enjoy the 99% of you day that is great and spectacular and wonderful.

If you choose to focus on the good that is what you will remember and conversely you will

remember the bad if that’s what you focus on. You spent too much time, too much money, too much

energy on this day to let it be anything less then great. If at the end of your planning, you are ahead of

schedule, make any phone calls which will make you more comfortable. Do not worry over calling of

bugging; of course be reasonable with this. Just because you have angst doesn’t mean that someone is

going to screw up.

On the other hand of preparing for other mishaps; does this mean that you should lie awake at night

worrying about the unseen problems that may happen? Of course not. You should lie awake at night

thinking about your perfect day, thinking about your perfect finance, about the perfect honeymoon. You

should look forward to it with great anticipation. Most brides do not plan like you have. They do not

understand the different angles that you do to avoid stress from mishaps at their weddings. You have

walked down a different road and things will be better for you than if you had not gone through all this.

If you are a worrier, I suggest you find someone that will always listen to you and to vent. Stay close

to this person throughout the planning of your wedding. Be aware that you may have more than just the

wedding day festivities eating at you. You are making a major step in your life, one that you will always

remember. On the stress scale, getting married is in the top five of the most stressful life occurrences.

Right next to death and moving and you may be moving at the same time or afterwards so get ready for

that as well. This may be a lot for one person to shoulder but rest assure there have been millions of

brides and grooms before you that have made it through without dying or killing each other, you will

too. Try to think of how you would like to remember your wedding day and you will act accordingly. The

world will revolve around you for your day, just don’t act like it. Be gracious, have fun and most of all

love all of those that are there to share you day with you and enjoy your wedding.

© 2010 Rick Brewer. This book may not be copied or used without permission of the author