48-hour gentleman | the distilled man | …48-hour gentleman | the distilled man | 4 this book is...
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48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com
TABLE OF CONTENTS
48-Hour Gentleman | The Distilled Man | www.TheDistilledMan.com
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INTRODUCTION 3
GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU 5
COOK A STEAK 10
WRITE SOMEONE A HANDWRITTEN NOTE 15
MAKE YOURSELF A MANHATTAN 18
DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU 21
PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING 25
READ YOUR CAR MANUAL 29
BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE 33
HAVE A DRINK WITH SINATRA 37
PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK 40
INFO 41
So, you've got a weekend. And you want to become a better man.
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INTRODUCTION
This isn’t about bedding more ladies or
getting a promotion. Or besting your
enemies in bare-fisted rumbles. It’s about
something more fundamental, something
deeper.
Maybe you’re looking at your life and thinking
you could make some improvements—dress
better, feel more confident, be more “useful,” be
more “worldly,” whatever that means.
Some might scoff at the idea of becoming a
gentleman in 48 hours. True, maybe real
transformation is tough in this amount of time.
But as the saying goes, “the journey of a
thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Sometimes it’s daunting to look at our lives and
see all the things we want to change. We get
paralyzed and don’t know where to begin.
That’s why it’s good to start small.
INTRODUCTION
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This book is designed to give you a few key
activities to help you start your journey
towards becoming a better man.
Each activity is set up like a “recipe” to include
the ingredients you’ll need along with the
instructions, just like in a cookbook.
You can read the whole book before doing the
activities (it’s a quick read), or you can do each
exercise as you go. Completely up to you.
What’s important is that you do it over the
course of just one weekend.
Will this be a busy weekend? You bet it will.
But what you gain by packing it into a short
period of time is a sense of urgency. It’s about
STARTING and it’s about building on that
momentum.
This book is meant to be that first step, a
launching point on your path to becoming a
well-rounded gentleman.
Welcome to your new life.
Now let’s begin.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. –Lao Tzu
Although sometimes we forget, improvements on the outside can often transform us on the inside---and vice versa.
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GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU
In that vain, I want to start this book by talking
about something that might seem like a mere
“cosmetic” improvement.
One of the biggest keys to looking (and
feeling) good is having clothes that fit
your body.
Many guys wear baggy or ill-fitting clothes that
make them look way frumpier than they need
to. I made this mistake for years. People who
are overweight often wear baggier clothes
because they think it hides parts of their bodies
they’re not proud of. But it doesn’t hide
anything. It creates a new problem: the baggy
clothes make them look even more out of
shape.
Even if you’re on the opposite end of the
spectrum, you may be tempted to hide behind
GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU
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baggy clothes. Ultimately you end up looking
like a kid who borrowed an outfit from his dad.
However, once you end up getting clothes
that actually fit you, it’s a revelation. Having
an outfit that fits your body—no matter what
size you are—is going to look infinitely better
than if you’re hiding behind a bunch of excess
fabric.
Tailored clothes make you look more trim, more
put-together, and they make you feel more
confident. And this confidence can make you
more successful.
Let’s face it, first impressions matter. We do
judge books by their covers. People are
going to make snap judgments about you
based on your clothes, your posture, and the
way you carry yourself. It’s human nature.
In 2013, dating site Ok Cupid and custom suit
label Arden Reed did a 4-month study where
they took pictures of the same man in a boxy,
off-the shelf suit and then in a tailored suit.
It’s not about hiding or accentuating parts of your body. It’s about “owning what you’ve got”
GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU
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Then they created two otherwise identical
profiles with the two photos. The results weren’t
surprising: women were three-and-a-half
times more likely to send an unsolicited
message to the profile with the tailored suit
pic, and they were 2.3 times more likely to visit
the profile in the first place.
Granted, there may be some bias here, since
this was co-sponsored by a suit company, but
the results seem pretty believable.
Net net: you’re going to look way better if your
clothes fit you.
Ultimately, it has less to do with hiding or
accentuating parts of your body. What matters
is that you “own what you’ve got,” because it
projects confidence. You’ll feel it and people will
see it.
So, where do YOU start?
One shirt.
Rather than go crazy and throw out all your
clothes, spending thousands of dollars on a
“bespoke” wardrobe, you can start small. Start
with just one dress shirt. And get it altered so it
actually fits you.
The reason I’m asking you to start with only one
GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU
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shirt is that I know once you do the first one, it
will transform your relationship with your
clothes. Once you get a taste of that first
perfectly fitted shirt, there’s no going back.
As a next step, you’ll find yourself going through
your closet and getting rid of clothes that don’t
quite fit you, and finding other shirts that can be
altered to fit you better.
!"#$%&'%"()
Dress shirt
Nearby dry cleaner
!*+,-./,!0*+
Pick a dress shirt you already own
and put it on. Most likely it will be a
little baggy around the midsection and
the arms.
Find a dry cleaner near you. Most will do
basic alterations for around $12-$15.
You don’t need to go to a fancy tailor.
The dry cleaner will have you put on the
shirt, they’ll pin it to gauge how much to
take in and where, and then you’ll leave
them to do their magic.
GET A SHIRT TAILORED TO FIT YOU
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Once you try on that fitted shirt, you will be
amazed how much better you look. People
will complement you on your “new shirt” and
ask if you’ve lost weight.
Even if not, they’ll just hold you in higher
regard. They’ll sense your renewed
confidence. “Something’s different about
that guy, and I don’t know what it is.”
P!o tip! When you wear a tie, it’s the first thing people comment on—because it’s the focal point. Without a tie, your shirt is the star. So you better make sure it’s ready for primetime. Beyond having your shirt fitted, make sure your collar is looking good. While shirt-shopping, avoid flimsy collars. And be sure to always use collar stays, those little plastic or metal tabs that reinforce the edges of your collar. A good collar frames your face and makes a world of difference in your appearance!
Cooking a steak is an important thing to learn. Yet surprisingly, most guys can’t do it very well.
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COOK A STEAK
For some reason handling meat is one of the
classic skills every guy is expected to have.
Often, if you’re cooking with a woman, she will
automatically delegate cooking the protein to
you. For whatever reason, man is supposed
to own the meat. Maybe it’s a remnant of the
days when men hunted and the women
gathered.
The point is that cooking a steak is a skill
you’ve got to learn. It’s also a skill where a
little knowledge can go a long way to
improve the final product.
Once you’ve mastered cooking steak, it becomes a go-to recipe for date night, guys night or any night of the week.
COOK A STEAK
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!"#$%&'%"()
Steak (Rib eye, New York strip, or
T-bone)
Salt, preferably kosher
Neutral cooking oil like canola or
peanut oil
Heavy-bottomed frying pan,
preferably cast-iron
A wee bit of butter
See “Accompaniments” at the end
of this section.
!*+,-./,!0*+
STEP 1: Salting the meat and bringing
it to room temperature If you want to serve a side dish with the
steak, see “Accompaniments” at the end
of this section for a few ideas
About 30-60 minute before you cook
your steak, put it on a plate or a cookie
sheet
Salt it with the kosher salt, covering the
top and the bottom as well as the sides,
massaging it in
(Cont’d on next page)
COOK A STEAK
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STEP 1: (cont’d) Letting the meat rest during this step is
helpful. The time at room temperature
allows it too cook more evenly
throughout: if your steak is ice cold
when you cook it, the meat ends up
burnt on the outside and bloody on the
inside. During this time, the salt will also
get a chance to work its way into the
meat.
STEP 2: Frying the Meat Once your steak has rested, it’s time to
turn on the pan!
Turn on the heat to high/medium-high
and let the pan heat up until it’s just
about smoking. Put a little oil in and give
it a moment to heat up.
Fry the steak 2-5 minutes per side
depending on the thickness. You’ll know
when to flip the steak initially because
you’ll see tiny beads of blood forming on
the top. Also, try to render some of the
fat on the edges by holding the steak up
with tongs, perpendicular to the pan.
COOK A STEAK
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STEP 3: Checking the Meat Use the “touch test” to ensure your meat
is cooked to perfection:
With your left hand, touch your thumb to
your forefinger, so you’re almost making
an “ok” sign. With your right forefinger,
touch the meaty part of your palm right
below your thumb. In this position, the
meaty part below your thumb should
have about the same “give” as a
medium-rare steak.
For medium, touch your thumb to your
middle finger. For well-done, touch your
thumb to your ring finger.
Or if you’re using a meat thermometer:
rare=125F, medium-rare=130F-135F,
medium=140-150F, well done=155F+
(Don’t bother with well done. Better to
eat shoe leather!). Remember, if you
check your steak and it’s underdone,
you can still cook it more. But if you wait
too long to check it, you can’t turn back
time.
About a minute or two before you’re
finished, add some butter to the pan.
Use a spoon to ladle the butter and
juices over the steak. This adds some
extra flavorful goodness and a nice
brown color.
COOK A STEAK
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Step 4: Resting the Meat Once the steak is done, pull it out of the
pan and place it on a clean plate or
cookie sheet.
You’ll want to rest it for about 5 minutes
or so.
This process is super important. During
resting, all the juices redistribute and
soak back into the meat evenly. You can
always tell if you haven’t rested meat
long enough: when you cut it, the juices
come pouring out and your cutting board
looks like a crime scene on CSI. You
don’t want that. Those juices are pretty
tasty, so keep them in the meat!
Acc"paniments If you have the time, the steak also goes great with: Baked potato Preheat oven to 350F, wash potato thoroughly, poke 8-12 holes in it with a fork, coat lightly with oil and salt. Put directly on the oven rack with a baking sheet underneath to catch drips. Bake for about an hour until skin feels crispy. When finished, cut it open and add some butter or sour cream. Bacon also helps. Sautéed spinach or asparagus (if in season) Both of these can sautéed in the steak pan while the steak is resting. Make sure and wipe out SOME of the beef juice and butter. Just sauté over medium/medium-high until tender, add a little salt and pepper and BOOM, you’re done. A big red wine like a Cabernet, Malbec, Zinfandel or Shiraz
Once you’ve mastered the steak recipe, you’ll
find it will become a go-to dinner for date-night,
guy’s night, or really any night of the week. It’s
refreshingly simple and it allows good quality
ingredients to shine with very little effort.
There's nothing quite as classy as a handwritten note. For the recipient, it’s a personal touch that shows you took the time to think of them.
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WRITE SOMEONE A HANDWRITTEN NOTE
I was reminded of this is a few years ago when
one of my friends came to a cocktail party my
wife and I hosted. Afterwards he sent us a small
card with a handwritten note thanking us for the
party.
He could have easily done the same thing
with an email, but somehow because he
wrote it in a card and mailed it to us, it
seemed so much more charming and classy.
I was touched. And my wife practically melted.
He might as well have shown up in person with
a bunch of puppies wearing little bow ties.
Those quickly scribed “just for the hell of it” notes are often the most appreciated.
WRITE SOMEONE A HANDRITTEN NOTE
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It was as though he had given us a piece of
himself. You can easily imagine someone half-
assing it when sending an email. But there’s
no cut and paste with handwritten notes.
There's something about a handwritten note
that suggests the person gave his undivided
attention to you—just for a moment.
Most people just think of the simple thank you
note, but there many other types of notes you
can send. Here a few ideas:
Congratulate someone on an
accomplishment, however small.
Say that you miss hanging out with them
and it’s time to get a drink together, STAT!
Tell them about something that made you
think of them.
Tell them about an event that’s coming up
and see if they want to go with you.
Tell them about a brand of whiskey or a
record you’ve been enjoying. Ask whether
they’ve heard of it.
!"#$%&'%"()
A pen
1 stamp
A quiet place with hard surface to write on
A small blank card. Note: it’s worth investing
in some decent stationary. There are many
manly varieties available.
(Cont’d on next page)
WRITE SOMEONE A HANDRITTEN NOTE
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!"#$%&'%"() 1/0*,234
You can go the extra mile with
stationary that’s personalized with your
name or initials. As with business cards,
personalized stationary says “I’ve got
my shit together.” It represents your
brand. Check out Crane & Co. for
classic options, or Etsy or Zazzle for
something more contemporary.
!*+,-./,!0*+
The point here is not to write the story of
your life. You can keep it pretty simple, 3
sentences or so.
The note should just show that you’re
thinking of that person and that you’ve
gone the extra mile to write it down, put
it in an envelope, and mail it to them.
The more often you send notes for no particular
reason, the easier it will become. Rather than
trying to find the perfect occasion, you’ll dash off a
quick card here and there. And those “just for the
hell of it” notes will probably be the ones that are
most treasured by the recipient.
The Manhattan is one of the manliest drinks around. Originally invented around the 1870s, it is one of the classic cocktails.
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MAKE YOURSELF A MANHATTAN
Like many of those original drinks, this cocktail
is all about tasting the liquor in its full glory.
There’s no hiding behind mixers here.
But it’s not all about brute force either. There’s
some elegance to it, and that is what makes
it an amazing cocktail.
The best cocktails achieve a balance between
ingredients—sweet, sour, strong, bitter—to create
an alchemy of flavors and textures that come
together as a unified drink.
Before we go any further, it’s important to
appreciate the definition of the word “cocktail.”
When a Manhattan is made well, it is truly something to behold. And drink.
MAKE YOURSELF A MANHATTAN
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First, note that a rum and Coke is not actually a
cocktail. It's a “highball” because it has only one
type liquor with a non-alcoholic mixer. A true
cocktail consists of multiple types of liquor,
blended together in perfect harmony.
The Manhattan is a delicate flower—one of
those cocktails that can easily be ruined by
a careless bartender. I don’t order Manhattans
in most run-of-the-mill bars because they're just
too easy to mess up—usually because there's
too much vermouth. Vermouth is great in small
quantities, and it becomes a perfect wingman to
accentuate the rye. But in larger quantities it
can ruin the drink.
This is exactly why a good Manhattan is so
special. It takes an attentive bartender who
cares about what he’s doing. And when it’s done
well, it is truly something to behold. And drink.
!"#$%&'%"()
2 oz. rye whiskey or bourbon
½ oz. sweet vermouth
1-2 dashes Angostura bitters
Garnish: maraschino cherry or
lemon twist
Cocktail glass
Ice
Shaker or mixing container like a pint
glass with a strainer
MAKE YOURSELF A MANHATTAN
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!*+,-./,!0*+
Fill the shaker or mixing container
halfway with ice.
Add bitters, rye and vermouth.
Using a long spoon, stir (don’t shake) the
ingredients together. Stirring the
ingredients with the ice adds a small
amount of water to the drink and helps
smooth out the overall mouthfeel.
Strain into a cocktail glass, add your
garnish, and enjoy your Manhattan!
If you like, you can also pour it into a
rocks glass and enjoy it over ice. It will
end up diluting the drink more, but you
may be less likely to knock it over if you
have trouble wielding a dainty cocktail
glass.
As you enjoy the drink, notice the balance of
ingredients. The interplay of flavors, the cool feel in your
mouth. You’re tasting history. You can almost see the
flapper girls and the guys in Fedoras. And the grumpy
barkeep with his sleeves rolled up. You have to admit,
this is way better than any museum…
P!o tip! Remember to never shake a Manhattan or a Martini. When you shake, you introduce small air bubbles that make the drink appear cloudier. You also break up the ice more and introduce too much water to the cocktail. Shaking should really be reserved for drinks where you’re incorporating citrus; when drinks have citrus they would never be clear anyway. The vigorous shaking also helps create a chemical reaction to bind the citrus with the other ingredients.
If you’ve read biographies of great men, you know that most successful people recommend you cultivate a habit of ACTION.
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DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU
Yet most of us consistently hold back from
doing things we want to do or know we should
do. Why?
One word: Fear
While we may not realize it, fear is the little
nagging voice in the back of our heads that
holds us back from doing a lot of things: asking
out that girl we see at the coffee shop all the
time. Stepping up and taking on bigger projects
at work. Starting a new venture.
I’m not saying you’re actively scared, but when
it comes down to it, the reason we hesitate in
doing so many of these things is that we’re
afraid of the consequences: of failure, of
ridicule.
DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU
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What’s funny is that when we sit down to
think about it, many of these fears are pretty
silly. What’s the worst that can happen if you
end up asking out that girl at the coffee shop?
Ok, let’ see: worst case, she’s not interested
and she politely declines. Is it going to cause
lasting harm to either of you? No. Worst case,
she just ends up awkwardly avoiding you in the
coffee line. But who cares? As long as you
weren’t a creep about it, you can hold your
head high.
Or what’s the worst that can happen if you ask
your boss about taking on more responsibility?
Even if he says no, your boss will probably tell
you why you’re not ready.
But instead of taking that as an indictment of
your character, take that feedback for what it is:
your roadmap to a future “yes.” If your boss
thinks you need more experience with X, fine,
you’ll take a class, you’ll practice. And before
you know it, your boss won’t be able to say no
much longer.
Something happens when we step up and
overcome that little fear-voice in our heads.
It’s invigorating. Even though for half a second
we feel like we’re going to die.
What we fear most is usually what we most need to do. –Tim Ferriss
DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU
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When we face the thing we’re nervous or
scared of, we get a massive rush of confidence
and well-being. “I’m ALIVE!”
The best part? Action begets action.
Each time you do something like this, you get
better at it. You start remembering that the little
weasely voice is just bullshit, and that there’s a
reward if you can drown it out in your mind.
We spend so much of lives thinking about stuff
we want to do but never do. We rationalize that
it’s not the right time, we’re still figuring things
out, etc.
But in reality, the approach of “ready, fire,
aim” is often better than “ready, aim, fire.”
When we spend too much time “lining up the
shot,” sometimes we miss the opportunity. 90%
of the time, just DOING it will reap massive
rewards, even if we have to course-correct
along the way.
!"#$%&'%"()
A pen
A scrap of paper
!*+,-./,!0*+
For this exercise, think of something you’ve
been putting off because of fear.
Note: I am NOT recommending you do
something physically or criminally dangerous
here.
DO SOMETHING THAT SCARES YOU
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!*+,-./,!0*+ 156"(2&4
There are tons of other small things in
your life that you’re probably putting off:
maybe asking your boss if the company
will pay for a public speaking class for
you, or pay for part of your grad school. Or
maybe asking someone you respect to
be your mentor.
Take a scrap of paper and write down 3
or 4 things you’ve been hesitating on.
It’s best if you list them as very specific,
tangible actions.
Then, circle the one you’re going to do.
Plan to take action on it in no less than
48 hours. Then actually DO it. All it takes
is one action: make phone call, send an
email, research something.
Make this a habit going forward. Lather,
rinse, repeat.
Gradually, you’ll begin to see that the price of
“failure” is usually not very steep at all. It’s the
cost of inaction that weighs most heavily. And
armed with that knowledge, you’ll see the
world—and opportunity—in a whole new light.
In How to Win Friends and Influence People , Dale Carnegie tells a story that reveals a fundamental aspect of human nature.
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PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING
In the story, Carnegie attends a dinner party
and winds up chatting with a botanist sitting
next to him for several hours. Carnegie listens
intently as the botanist goes on and on about
exotic plants and gardens.
At the end of the night the botanist turns to the
host, saying that Carnegie was “most
stimulating” and “a most interesting
conversationalist.” The funny thing is that
Carnegie had hardly said a word.
Carnegie recalled:
I couldn't have said anything if I had wanted to
without changing the subject, for I didn't know
any more about botany than I knew about the
anatomy of a penguin. But I had done this: I
had listened intently. I had listened because I
was genuinely interested. And he felt it.
PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING
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You might think that in order to endear
yourself to someone, you need to talk
yourself up. True, sometimes it helps. I do
believe tooting your own horn is good. But that’s
for another time.
Even more important is your ability to be a good
listener. As Carnegie’s story shows, the
fundamental truth about human nature is
that people want to feel important and
valued. Carnegie points out that few people in
the world are immune to the flattery of someone
paying attention to them.
You’d be amazed at how much people start to
like you when you simply let them talk about
themselves. And even more so when you’re
actively listening and asking them follow up
questions. Some advice columns mention this
as a “trick” for to talking to a woman. But let’s
face it, this is just basic human nature for men
and women.
!"#$%&'%"()
You
Somebody else
A place you can sit and chat
!*+,-./,!0*+
Practice actively listening to one person.
Start by asking the person about
something. Make sure your body
PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING
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!*+,-./,!0*+ 1/0*,734
language is primed for listening: turn
towards them, avoid distractions like the
TV or your cell phone. Be fully present
for their story.
Try to focus on them and not worry
about what you’re going to add. Don’t be
one of those people who’s just waiting to
talk. Instead, focus on really listening to
them and empathizing without making
any judgments. Put yourself in their
shoes.
Sometimes it helps if you periodically
replay or recap what the person has
been telling you (“Wow, it sounds like X
X is happening” or “What I’m hearing
you say is X.”). As you listen, try to think
of potential follow-up questions so you
can find out more about the story.
Just like Carnegie, you’ll find that if you
try to be genuinely interested, it will
come easily.
You’ll sense the other person’s delight
that somebody cares about their world.
And you’ll both enjoy the conversation.
You’re not only giving them the spotlight,
you’re asking them to talk about
something they’re comfortable with.
After all, the one thing people know
most about is themselves and
their interests.
PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING
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By being selfless in the conversation, you’ll
reap so many more rewards. For one, you
might actually LEARN something by listening.
For another, your small “sacrifice” of letting the
other person talk will be multiplied 10-fold in the
form of better relationships. You may even find
that giving someone your undivided attention
and truly listening for a moment is relaxing. In
time, it will become second nature, and you’ll
forget you ever had to “try” at all.
Your small “sacrifice” of letting the other person talk will be multiplied 10-fold.
You know, that hunk of paper wedged inside your glove compartment next to the Altoids and the old national park maps? That one.
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READ YOUR CAR MANUAL
Why read your manual if you’re not broken
down on the side of the road? Two reasons:
First, I want you to know about all the fluids
in your car. Even if you don’t ever want to get
your hands dirty working on your car, minimally,
you should know where all the fluids go and
how to check them.
This, along with all the other little maintenance
things, will help you make sure your car doesn’t
crap out on you for a silly reason like not having
enough oil or coolant. If your manual doesn’t
visually show where everything goes, ask Mr.
Google, and he will tell you about your specific
make and model.
Second, you should get in the habit of reading
manuals. Any manuals you have for anything
READ YOUR CAR MANUAL
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that’s important to you. Why? Because—and
you’ve heard it before—knowledge is power.
Don’t be afraid to “get under the hood” for
anything you own. You’re always going to find
something of value.
Even though manuals can sometimes be full of
extraneous crap, I try to see them for what
they are: love letters from their makers.
Imagine the engineers who spent time slaving
over your car. I’m not talking about the
marketing associate who supervised the
graphic design and printing of the manual. I’m
picturing the guy with coveralls and grease on
his face that really got intimate with the car.
When that guy helped write the manual, he
wanted to give you all the helpful tips he
discovered while getting to know the car
inside and out.
I guarantee you will find at least one useful
nugget of information you didn’t know
before.
Sure, you can probably go on with your life
without ever reading a manual, and maybe
everything will be fine. That’s why we have
roadside assistance, right? But ultimately, you
become dependent on other people to fix your
issues. The more you can “dig in” and start
to understand things around you, the more
empowered you’ll be.
READ YOUR CAR MANUAL
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!*8-93!9*,+
Your car manual
Your car (if you don’t have a car, use a
friend’s—at least one of you should
know how to properly maintain it)
!*+,-./,!0*+
Read the manual cover to cover. Take
notes or underline anything you find
useful.
Look all around the car and under the
hood while you’re reading
You should know where the following
things are under the hood: o Engine oil dipstick o Engine oil fill cap o Coolant expansion tank o Power steering dipstick o Brake fluid dipstick o Automatic transmission fluid dipstick o Window cleaner reservoir
READ YOUR CAR MANUAL
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Good news, knowing more about your car does
not mean you need to work on it when it needs
fixing. The beauty of reading your manual is
that it also makes you smarter when you talk to
your mechanic. And the more you know, the
more you’ll feel like you’re truly in the driver’s
seat.
P!o tip! If you own a car or if you’re thinking about buying a used car, make sure you’re aware of the known problems for that make and model. Most cars aren’t perfect, and with a little research you can find out the common problems to watch for. Tom Cebollero of Metric Motors in San Francisco recommends doing a web search on “[car make and model] problems” or “[car make and model] pattern failures.” If you already own the car, this gives you an idea of what to watch for. And if you’re buying a used car, this gives you some leverage. You can ask, “I know the X in these cars often craps out around 80k miles. Have you had that replaced yet?” If not, you just negotiated yourself a discount.
The more you can “dig in” and understand the things around you, the more empowered you’ll be.
Okay, you probably think I’m going to have you walk around with a book on your head like women in the ‘50s did. No, not this time.
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BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE
Try this first: go to a public place like a park or
the mall, and look around at the people there.
Do you notice how some people stand up
straight and tall while others slump over? What
kind of feeling to get from those two different
behaviors?
Well?
It’s undeniable: the way you carry yourself
projects your outward confidence or lack
thereof. All those people you see in the food
court (or wherever you are) are showing you
what they think of themselves by the way they
stand, walk and sit.
Notice how the person who stands up straight
and walks confidently looks like they could
command a room, or be more likely to be a
BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE
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leader? And notice how the person who slumps
over in their chair or hunches over when they
walk looks like they don’t have any confidence?
Like they’re prepared to have an excuse for
why they’re not pulling their weight?
It’s amazing how much body language
communicates.
Some research suggests that “high-powered
individuals” generally have more eye-contact,
they’re more expansive and open in body
movement, and they have a more erect
posture.
Harvard Psychologist Amy Cuddy found that
standing up straight not only affects how we
look to others, but it can also change our
biochemistry.
After doing a series of 2-minute “power poses”
study participants showed an increase in
testosterone and a decrease in cortisol (a
stress hormone). So they not only looked more
powerful to observers, but they actually felt
more powerful and were better equipped to
handle stress.
Interestingly enough, some of these “power
poses” were as simple as standing up straight
with your hands on your hips (the “Wonder
Woman” pose) or leaning back in a chair with
BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE
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your hands behind your head—basically,
confident, “expansive” poses.
Cuddy said these findings give us more reason
than ever to trust the mantra, “fake it till you
become it”—her twist on the old saying “fake it
till you make it.”
This goes back to the observation before about
the fitted shirt: seemingly “cosmetic” changes
can affect how you actually feel, and drastically
affect how others perceive you.
When you change how you carry yourself, you
set in motion a positive cycle: better posture
helps you look better to others and feel better
inside, which gives more reason to have better
posture, and so on.
!"#$%&'%"()
You
A public place with some other people
around
!*+,-./,!0*+
Observe the crowd for a moment and see
what a difference posture makes.
Give it a try yourself. Be mindful of your
posture when you’re walking around or
sitting.
BECOME MORE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE
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!*+,-./,!0*+ 156"(2&4
Notice your shoulders: most likely,
they’re hunched forward; pull them back
and stick out your chest—not in a
ridiculous way, but if you’re doing it right,
your shoulders probably feel broader.
Keep your hands at your sides.
Try to pull in your belly. Ironically, if you
do this, you may find that the so-called
“pot belly” you were trying to cover up
with your baggy shirt is less of a
problem that you thought.
Now that your posture’s better, notice
how you feel. Go up and talk to
someone (maybe order a coffee or
something).
Notice how people react to you. I
promise, you’ll sense a difference.
You’re radiating more confidence,
and at the same time making yourself
more approachable and engaging.
Once you become more aware of your posture,
you’ll ask yourself why you didn’t start paying
attention sooner.
Sinatra was the greatest crooner in history. He was a ladies’ man and a man’s man. Ladies wanted to be with him, and guys wanted to be him. He was the essence of cool.
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HAVE A DRINK WITH SINATRA
What’s amazing about Frank Sinatra is how he
sang with such bravado, yet his music also
conveyed deep feeling and tenderness. On top
of that he had a great sense of humor.
Like any other guy, Frank had his faults, but the
passion that comes through in his songs is still
as fresh and powerful as ever. When you listen
to his voice, you can’t help but be struck by how
he appears so casual and relaxed yet able to
achieve such amazing control.
Sinatra’s music calls to mind smoky rooms and a world where booze flowed freely and times were simpler.
HAVE A DRINK WITH SINATRA
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Having a drink and listening to Sinatra is like
a meditation in manliness. And it transports
you back in time to a different era.
He always said that at heart he was just a
“glorified saloon singer.” And his music calls to
mind smoky rooms and a world where the
booze ran freely and times were simpler. A time
when we didn’t know about global warming,
when “social networks” were barbershops, bars
and churches, and when diet soda and tofurkey
didn’t exist.
!"#$%&'%"()
A few Sinatra songs, like: o Come Fly with Me o New York, New York o My Way o The Way You Look Tonight o Angel Eyes o Witchcraft o Very Good Year
A drink: Some sort of whiskey on the rocks
Frank’s drink was reportedly Jack Daniels
on the rocks, but if you want to have single
malt scotch instead, that works fine.
HAVE A DRINK WITH SINATRA
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!*+,-./,!0*+
Make yourself a drink and put on some
Sinatra songs.
It’s important that your drink is on the
rocks with no mixer. There’s something
holy about drinking hard liquor on the
rocks while listening to Sinatra—like a
perfect wine pairing.
As you drink, you’ll experience notes in
Sinatra’s voice in the liquor: bitterness,
sweetness, starkness.
Soak it in and enjoy.
PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK
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At this point, if you’ve managed to get through
all these sections, you should be feeling pretty
good about yourself. We’ve covered a lot of
ground in a short amount of time.
I really appreciate you reading this, and I hope
you found it helpful.
If nothing else, I hope I’ve inspired you to think
about all the little ways you can get started on
your journey to becoming a better man.
From the little things like getting your shirt
tailored, to the more serious things like doing
something that scares you, there are so many
ways to improve yourself and continue your
education as a gentleman.
Granted, this is just the beginning. But the most
important thing is that you started. You took the
first step.
I can’t say the journey will get any easier from
here. But it will be worth it, I can promise you
that. The more you push yourself and test
yourself, the more rewards you’ll reap.
I’ve already got a good feeling about you.
–Kyle Ingham
June 2014
Well hello! Are you still here?
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Kyle Ingham is a big fan of burritos, bourbon,
and the occasional pirate joke. He is also the
founder of The Distilled Man, a website
dedicated to helping guys learn essential skills
and become well-rounded gentlemen. Kyle is a
regular contributor to other men’s lifestyle blogs
and lives in San Francisco with his wife.
If you’re not already part of The Distilled Man
community, sign up for regular updates.
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First edition. June 2014. Copyright 2014, The Distilled Man, LLC. All Rights Reserved.