2014 premarital appointments: preparation for a service of christian marriage.docx€¦ · web...
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage
Contact InformationBride - Full Name
Bride - Phone Text Okay?Yes / No
Bride - Email
Groom - Full Name
Groom - Phone Text Okay?Yes / No
Groom - Email
Service and RehearsalService - Date
Service - Time
Service - Location
Rehearsal - Date
Rehearsal - Time
Rehearsal Location
After Service of Christian MarriageStreet Address
City, State, Zip Code
Full Name of Bride and Groom
Requirements for Marriage at First UMC El Dorado
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian MarriageMore information, including all policies and procedures, is available online at
www.FirstUMCElDorado.org/wedding
● Worship attendance is required of non-members to enable an understanding of our denomination and our church (at least three times).
● Completion of four pre-marital appointments with pastor.● In person meeting with the wedding coordinator.● Presentation of properly executed marriage license at or before the rehearsal.● A waiting period of at least six months following a divorce or death of a spouse shall be
observed to allow for healing following the end of a previous marriage.● The church grounds are alcohol and drug free and the buildings are alcohol, drug and
smoke free. If alcohol or drugs are present on the premises, the pastor reserves the authority to cancel the service.
Financial Responsibilities and Fees● The fee for a wedding in the sanctuary is $500 for both members and non-members.
This includes a $50.00 non-refundable scheduling fee which is required at the time the wedding date is confirmed with the pastor and reserved at the church.
● The fee for a reception in the Fellowship Hall is $500 for both members and non-members. This includes a cleaning deposit of $250 that will be returned after successful inspection of the Fellowship Hall.
● The balance of financial responsibilities are due to the church office two weeks before the wedding day. Please make all payments in the form of a check payable to “First United Methodist Church” with the name of the couple in the memo line.
Signature Date
Bride
Groom
Pastor
Wedding Information
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian MarriageNumber of Guests Expected
Wedding Colors
Family
Bride’s Parents names, and/or stepmothers and stepfathers
Bride’s Parents - Ushered by
Bride’s Grandparents
Bride’s Grandparents - Ushered by
Groom’s Parents names, and/or stepmothers and stepfathers
Groom’s Parents - Ushered by
Groom’s Grandparents
Groom’s Grandparents - Ushered by
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage
Wedding AttendantsWho will walk the bride down the aisle?
Maid / Matron of Honor
Bridesmaids
Best Man
Groomsmen
Ushers
Flower Girl
Flower Girl’s Age on Wedding Day
Responsible Adult for Flower Girl
Ring Bearer
Ring Bearer’s Age on Wedding Day
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian MarriageResponsible Adult for Ring Bearer
Guest Book Attendant
Scripture Reader(s)
Will there be programs?
Programs Handed Out By
Will there be candlelighters?
Ceremony DetailsWill the Bride and Groom see each other on
the wedding day before the ceremony begins?
Will you be using a Unity Candle?
Will the mothers be lighting the Unity Candle Tapers?
The Processional will be:
● Bridesmaids walking single file all the way down the aisle
● With Groomsmen meeting Bridesmaids halfway down the aisle
● With Groomsmen walking with Bridesmaids all the way down the aisle
The Wedding Party will arrive at:The building will be available for use:
● 3 hours prior to scheduled start time of the wedding
● 1.5 hours following the scheduled start time of the wedding with no reception
● 5 hours following the scheduled start time of the wedding with a reception
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage
Women will dress at: ● Home● Church
Men will dress at: ● Home● Church
How will the congregation be released?
● Entire congregation released at once● Ushers release row by row● Couple releases each row and greets
them as they leave the sanctuary
Will there be an accessories (flowers, bubbles, etc.) for the couple’s exit from the
church?
What vehicle will the couple use to leave the church?
Church Items / ServicesSet up / Decorations on Friday?
Guest book podium
Candelabras
Candle lighter torches
Gift Table
Clean UpPerson in charge of cleaning out groom and
bridal dressing rooms
Person in charge of taking all decorations, flowers, candles, gifts, etc.
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage
MusicSoloist/Instrumentalist(s); Song(s);
Accompanist
Song(s)
Accompanist
External Wedding ServicesPhotographer Name
Photographer Phone Number
Pictures will be taken when?● Before● After● Both
Will the couple return to the church after their exit for pictures?
Videographer Name
Videographer Phone
Florist Name
Florist Phone Number
Rehearsal Dinner Location
Reception Location
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage
Vows for Service of Christian Marriage - Option 1In the name of God,I, Name, take you, Name, to be my wife / husband,to have and to holdfrom this day forward,for better, for worse,for richer, for poorer,in sickness and in health,to love and to cherish,until we are parted by death.This is my solemn vow.
Vows for Service of Christian Marriage - Option 2I take you, Name, to be my wife / husbandand I promise before God and all who are present hereto be your loving and faithful husband / wifeas long as we both shall live.I will serve you with tenderness and respect,and encourage you to develop God’s gifts in you.
Vows for Service of Christian Marriage - Option 3Name, in the name of God,I take you to be my wife / husband from this time onward,to join with you and share all that is to come,to give and to receive,to speak and to listen,to inspire and to respond,and in all our life togetherto be loyal to you with my whole being,
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriageas long as we both shall live.
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage
Possible Scriptures for Service of Christian Marriage● Ecclesiastes 4:9-12● Song of Solomon 2:10-14● Matthew 7:24-27● John 15:9-17● Romans 12:9-18● 1 Corinthians 13:1-8a● 1 Corinthians 13● Ephesians 4:1-6● Ephesians 4:25-5:2● Philippians 4:4-9● Colossians 3:12-17● 1 John 4:7-16
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage
Service of Christian Marriage - Outline
EntranceGatheringEntrance of Wedding PartyGreeting
Declaration of IntentionDeclaration by the Man and the WomanResponse of Family and FriendsPrayer
Proclamation and ResponseReading of ScriptureSermonPrayer
The MarriageExchange of VowsBlessing and Exchange of RingsDeclaration of MarriageLighting of the Unity CandleBlessing of the MarriageLord’s Prayer
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.Give us this day our daily breadAnd forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against usAnd lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evilFor thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever, Amen.
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian MarriageSending ForthDismissal with Blessing
Session 1 - Introductions and Information (8 weeks before service)● Tell my story● Share purpose of pre-marital appointments
○ Plan service of Christian marriage○ Offer coaching or help around areas of concern for the couple○ Share guidance from marrying and counseling couples
● Gather contact information● Hear their story
○ Family Background■ Where did you grow up?■ What can you tell me about your family?■ Are your parents still married?
○ Relationship■ What is your engagement story?■ How has your relationship changed since you first met?■ Take a moment and think about your answer to this question - What do
you love about each other so much that you want to get married and spend the rest of your lives together? Then turn to each other and tell them. I’ll just listen in.
○ Faith■ What can you tell me about your faith?■ Why do you want to be married at church?
○ Sex - Have you been having sex?■ Yes - It does not matter if you have or not, but I would like to encourage
you to consider not having sex from now until the day of your marriage service as a way of setting aside this time of preparation.
■ No - You have made a great choice and I encourage you to continue until the day of your marriage service.
● Areas of Concern○ What are the top three areas of concern, places of conflict or questions that you
have in preparation for marriage?● Next Steps
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage○ Do you have any questions for me?○ Schedule the rest of the pre-marital appointments○ Share my contact information - feel free to contact me if you have any questions.○ I want you to know that I will be praying for God’s guidance for you and your
preparation for marriage.● Homework
○ Hand out - vows and scripture choices○ Vows, scripture choices and elements of the service○ Start considering the elements that you would like in the service. Some are
flexible and some are not. Here are some possibilities■ Scripture choices, at least one■ Scripture reader■ Response of family and friends■ Unity candle■ Wedding cup■ Mother’s rose■ Special music■ Congregational singing
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage
Session 2 - Service and Theology (6 weeks before service)● Follow up from previous session
○ Vows and scripture choices○ Elements of the Service
● Christian Understanding of Marriage○ Covenant - not a contract○ Calling - more than a decision○ Eternal - not like a test drive
● Walk through service order● Finalize all elements● We will talk through the entire service at our final time together● Review areas of concern from first session.
○ Ask if there are any other areas of concern, as we will talk about them next time.● Homework for Couple
○ Make any final decisions about the service order○ Have a conversation about marriage that does not have anything to do with the
wedding day - no vendors, planning or anything else.
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage
Session 3 - Faith, Care, Communication and Conflict (4 weeks before service)
● Follow up on previous session○ How did the conversation about marriage go?○ Could you talk about what it means to be married outside of the planning
process?● Greatest sources of conflict in marriage
○ Money○ In-laws○ Kids - How to raise them and whether to have them○ Religion
● Finances○ Name change○ Joint accounts?
● Faith○ Next step in spiritual disciplines○ Pray together○ Worship together
● Care○ Love languages○ Ideas to care for each other○ Seasons○ First child - us
● Conflict○ Fear dance / buttons○ Flooding○ Pursue / retreat○ Wedge
● Where to go for help / resources○ Pastors○ Counselors
● Introduce Begin with the End in Mind
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage● Homework for Couple
○ One change from the conversation that we had today.○ Write love letters○ Fill out Begin with the End in Mind
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Our Mission: Making disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the worldOur Vision: Changing Lives, Developing Leaders, Sharing Christ
Our Plan for 2014: Create a pathway for all people to grow as disciples of Jesus Christ
Preparation for a Service of Christian Marriage
Session 4 - Past and Future (2 weeks before service)● Follow up on previous session
○ Begin with the End in Mind○ Talk through the service - explain all the words that they will say
● Family tree / family of origin○ Keep / leave○ Roles, discipline, chores, affection○ Remind of love letters
● Homework for Couple○ Write love letters and email to me
Session 5 - Post Service Coaching (12 weeks after service)● Where to go for resources● Coaching● Evaluation
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