1998 issue 2 - the urgency of parental communication with children - counsel of chalcedon

8/12/2019 1998 Issue 2 - The Urgency of Parental Communication With Children - Counsel of Chalcedon

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We are pleased to

the voice of the parent. fwe

can shape them into the

welcome Bob Boyd this make an early habit of

God-loving, God-fearing

month as a

new

contributor

spending time talking

and

individuals Christ would

to The ounseL Bob is a

listening to the child, then

have them be.

u ~ r e n t

member and former

the lines of communication

As a retired public high

elder at Chalcedon

are open as long as the parent

Presbyterian Church. He

school principal, l'have

continues to spend the time

worked often with childrenworked for thirty years in the

in communicating. Parents

whose parents

met

their

Fulton

Co.

school system in

Georgia as a high school

cannot wait until their

physical needs, but who

children are teen-agers to

teacher and principal. He

neglected their spiritual;

currently sells real estate,

begin communicating. t is

emotional and mental needs.

builds beautiful furniture,

in these early years that we

Parents had spent little time

and oversees his growing

begin to shape the attitudes,

in

quality commun-ication

family. -- Chris S revel

behavior, beliefs, and

with the child.

The Christian parent's

Consequently, problems

desire should be to

began to occur when

influence our children

the child became

in every way possible

defiant of the parents as

toward living the

he or she sought instant

Christian life with

gratification in

understanding, depth,

Christian commitments of

attempting to satisfy

and commitment. The only

our

children. As we read to

those unfulfilled needs.

The

way to accomplish that goal

them, talk with them,

parent's response was always,

is to be able to communicate

answer their questions,

and

I

have given that child

with our child or children n

ask them questions, we begin

everything he or she could

a manner consistent with the to guide and shape their possibly need

or

desire,

and

love that Christ gives

to

us

thought patterns and

he or she does not appreciate

and we attempt to give to

responses in living the

it. It is a sad day indeed

Him.

Christian life. Children

when parents lose control of

I truly believe that

whose parents only feed,

their child or children.

communication with our

cloth, and tell them what to

Material possessions are

not

children begins in the womb

do and when to do it are not

nearly as important to our

and continues throughout

going to grow up as obedient

children as the giving of

life. Even though

children desiring to please

ourselves

and our

time to

communication

in

the

the Lord or the parents. The

meet their spiritual,

beginning may seem

to

be

in

process of communicating emotional, and mental needs.

one direction, not many days

with children takes much

Being Christian ourselves

but

pass before the newborn

quality time and effort

then failing in our

begins to respond and

focused

on

the individual communications with our

attempt to communicate

child. By truly children does NOT ensure a

with the parent. Reading or

communicating with our

Christian posterity: It

talking to the fetus in the

children, we can know them

reqUires a devoted and

womb introduces the child to for who they really are and

committed effort from

AprillMay, 998 i THE COUNSEL

of

Chalcedon i

25


2/3

parents to stay

in

touch with

good imitators f we watch attitude or behavior. In

their children regardless

of

our

children long enough, we seeking

and

receiving

the age.

Vi ill

see ourselves in them as answers from the child,

the

In our

constant

they move, talk,

and e"-lJTess

parent can shape those

communication with our

themselves. Many times the attitudes and cause the child

children, we convey our

things we see or hear are the to recognize the errors

of

his

desires, hopes, aspirations,

things we hate most in

or her thinking. f the child

and expectations.

My

grown

ourselves.

~ e r e

did they persists in the

improper

children have said many

learn them? Most likely, they

attitude or behavior,

then

the

times,

"We

knew what you

have picked it

up

from US

parent must resort to another

expected, and we wanted to

We communicate attitudes,

means of communication--

please you." They knew how

. behaviors, expressions,

the rod. He who spares his

I thought and what I would

concerns, love, hate,

and

rod

hates

his

son, but he

who

want them to do in most

character traits of all kinds loves him disciplines

him

situations. This kind of

before we know it.

diligently

(Prov. 13:24).

relationship develops over

Perhaps we should spend

Foolishness is bound up

in

the

the years

when

parents

and

more time in listening to

our

heaJ1

of a

child;

the

md of

children are in constant children than in talking with

disdpline

will

remove

it

far

communication with one them. We must teach them

from him (Prov.22:15). "Do

another. This is not to say

to be good listeners by

not hold back discipline fmm

that they always used that

listening to them. By

the child,

although

you beat him

knowledge

as

a guideline.

fonning the habit of listening,

with

the rod, he wil not

die.

Yes,

we

had our

problems

we can analyze thoughts,

You

shall beat him with

the

rod,

and

differences,

but

we

feelings, attitudes, and

and

deliver his soul

from

Sheol"

approached them with a firm

behavior or misbehavior.

(Prov.23:13-14). "The md

and

committed effort to

WIth this approach, we can

and reproof

give wisdom,

but

a

communicate with the

better understand and focus

child who

gets

his

own way

children

on

their level of

our attention on the needs of

b1ings shame to his mother

understanding. Underlying

our

children before they

(Prov.29:15).

the dialogues that we had

become critical problems.

We must base

our

was

the

child's basic

Sometimes correcting a communication on scripture,

understanding that we

child's attitude or behavior that is, teaching our children

wanted Christian

can be done so subtly that it

scriptural principles as

commitment and behavior.

is

not

necessary even to make guidelines for life. Prayer in

They knew the meaning of

it

an issue of which the child

itself can

be

a

"glorifying God and enjoying

is aware.

f

the child has communication model.

s

Him forever."

responded in an improper we focus

on

Jesus' prayer in

Communication is more

manner or displays a bad

Matthew 6, we, in

tum

can

than

just

words--its actions

attitude, the parent can ask teach our children how to

as well We teach our

questions about why he or

communicate by letting them

children by being the role

she feels justified in his or

hear

us

communicate

with

model Christ would have

us

her attitude or behavior to

God through prayer.

be: Children are extremely

open dialogue about

the

Children need to feel

that

26

i THE

OUNSEL of halcedon i April May, 998


3/3

prayer is a natural and

normal means of

communicating

our

heartfelt

concerns, fears, joys, and

. desires to our Lord Jesus

Christ. One exciting aspect

of

teaching children to pray is

to show them how God

answers prayer. As parents,

we must talk with

our

children about

our

prayer

. requests

and how

God has

answered those prayers.

We

must always give God credit

for everything that happenS

in our lives or the life of the

family.

There are times that

God brings calamity (Isa.

45:5-7) for purposes that

only

He

knows or chooses to

reveal to us in due time.

Children need to know,

understand,

and

experience

this biblical principle and see

the

parents modeling a

God-honoring response.

As

our children grow older

and leave home,

our

communication with them

must

continue

in

a very

open, deliberate manner.

Regular conversations with

them

either in person or on

the

phone are necessary. If

we discover some area that

needs special attention,

certainly we

must

talk with

them

in person--face

to face.

One

can better communicate

concern, sympathY; or

joy

with

facial expressions, voice

inflections,

and

tears of joy or

sadness in a private

face

to

face conversation. Under

no

circumstances must we pry

into their private lives unless

sin and the breaking of God's

law are a factor. We use these

opportunities to help them

think through situations or

behaviors and to exhort them

to seek Gods will through

prayer

and

scripture reading.

By being a model

communicator with

our

children from conception to

the grave, we have the

opportunity to influence

communication with

generations to come. We

must constantly exhort our

adult children not to simply

match

our

efforts to

communicate, but to improve

upon

them with their

children. Naturally; we want

to influence the many

generations after us with the

biblical principles of

Reformed Christian doctrine.

Only through prayer and the

constant feeding upon Gods

Word combined with

our

efforts

to

communicate can

we have this influence.

We

are also thankful that

Bob's'wife, Annette, agreed to

contribute for the first time to

The

Counsel Not only has she

successfully raised her three ,

children by God's grace, but

also

as

a middle

and

high

school English teacher

at

Chalcedon Christian School,

she continues to

mold

the

next generation for lifewide

usefulness

in

the

kingdom of

Jesus Christ." -- Chris Strevel

That Saturday morning

twenty-seven years ago began

as any other until a telephone

conversation occurred

which

changed my ideas about

communication forever. I

thought I knew all about

listening and sharing; after

all, I

had

a degree in the

teaching of English.

However, that Saturday

morning telephone call from

a third grade teacher and

friend who had come to visit

us upon the birth of our third

child revealed

my

inadequacies.

The

afternoon

of her visit she

made no

reference to

her

observations

but

called on the foHowing

Saturday morning to tell me

gently that I needed to learn

to listen to my son, for when

he

learned that she was a

third grade teacher he

became quiet, refUSing to

converse with her. "Annette,"

this teacher said, You must

learn to listen closely; draw

him out, and discover what is

going

on

in his life."

As

the mother of three

April May,

998 i TH

COUNSEL

of halcedon

i

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1998 issue 2 - the urgency of parental communication with children - counsel of chalcedon

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