135 nectar of the odds

The Fairly OddParents

“Nectar of The Odds”#135

Written By:Jack Thomas

First Draft: 9.20.01Second Draft:9.25.01Third Draft:10.1.01Final Draft:10.4.01

Nickelodeon Animation Studiosc 2001 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

The Fairly OddParents: “Nectar Of the Odds” final draft script by Jack Thomas 10.4.01

FADE IN:

INT. - TIMMY'S LIVING ROOM

CLOSE ON A TV SCREEN

THREE ACTORS in cheesy plastic Alien CLUTCHULAC SUITS (see "Spaced Out") menace a solitary shivering HUMAN.

TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)The Evil Clutchulacs have invaded Earth. Who can stop them?

CHORUSCrash Nebula! Crash Nebula!

A GUY in a big, cheesy plastic CRASH NEBULA SUIT skates in. The LIGHTS come up and it's a whole ICE CAPADES style show, complete with SKATING ALIENS, ROCKETS, PLANETS, etc.

CHORUS On Ice!

TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)That's right! This weekend, one night only at the Dimmsdale Dimm-a-Dome!

REVEAL TIMMY, CHESTER AND AJ, watching TV. Camera pushes in on them as the announcer talks... This is important information they're absorbing.

TIMMYThis weekend?

CHESTEROne night only?

TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.)It's a once in a lifetime, skating spectacular!

AJOH MY GOSH!

TV ANNOUNCERIt's...

1


TIMMY / CHESTER / AJCRASH NEBULA ON ICE!

AJWe should order our tickets RIGHT NOW!!!

Timmy picks up the PHONE and starts dialing.

TIMMYGuys, I'm on it. Consider it handled.

TV ANNOUNCERYes...there are thousands of tickets left for Crash Nebula on Ice!!

TIMMYSee? No problem!!

Chester and AJ head for the DOOR.

CHESTERWe believe you! Later, Timmy!

AJGet the tickets or we'll hate you forever!!!

The guys leave. Timmy hears the announcer again.

TV ANNOUNCERThis just in...I lied. The actual number of tickets left is three.

TIMMYWhat???

Timmy grabs the PHONE and starts dialing frantically. COSMO AND WANDA pop in next to him.

WANDAHey, Timmy! Whatcha doing?

SFX: Busy signal. Timmy hangs up.

COSMOHe's playing the dial and hang up game!

2


TIMMYCan't talk! Must dial!

SFX: Busy signal. Timmy pushes down on the receiver and dials again. Cosmo is intrigued.

COSMOAnd hang up! I wanna play!

SFX: Busy signal. Timmy hangs up and dials again. Cosmo is transfixed.

TIMMYI told the guys I'd get tickets to Crash Nebula on Ice!

WANDAThe once in a life time, skating spectacular?

TIMMYI've gotta get through!

Timmy dials.

COSMODial...

SFX: It rings once.

WOMAN ANSWERS PHONEDimmsdale Dimm-a-dome!

TIMMYAwright!

COSMO(re: The phone) And hang up!

Cosmo hangs up the phone.

TIMMYWAAAAAAGH!

Timmy dials again... Only to get a busy signal. He repeats dialing and hanging up over and over again.

COSMO...dial... and hang up... Dial...

3


MATCH DISSOLVE:

THE NEXT MORNING

Timmy, exhausted, his dialing finger broken, bent and bruised, continues (albeit slowly) to dial through. It's busy, still.

COSMOAnd hang up. (beat) It never gets boring!

DISSOLVE TO:

EST. EXT.SCHOOL - LATER THAT DAY

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOY'S BATHROOM

The place is dimly lit and ominous. Timmy is with Chester and AJ, who are pissed off. They approach a TOILET.

CHESTER I can't believe you didn't get us tickets, Timmy!

AJWe're gonna hate you forever.

TIMMY(cocky) Don't worry, guys. There are plenty of tickets left! You just gotta know who to ask!

Timmy flushes the toilet. FRANCIS pops up from the bowl.

FRANCISFrancis' Toilet of Tickets. How may I help you?

TIMMYThree of your best seats for Crash Nebula On Ice?

FRANCISFifteen hundred dollars.

TIMMYI, uh, Meant three of your worst seats.

4


FRANCISFifteen hundred dollars.

TIMMYWhat? But that's like...

Pause. He doesn't know.

AJFive hundred bucks a seat.

TIMMY / CHESTER I knew that. / Right.

TIMMYWe don't have that kind of money!

Francis shoves Timmy into Chester and AJ, knocking them over like bowling pins.

FRANCISThat's for free.

Francis hits the flush handle again and swirls back down the toilet.

FRANCISHave a nice ticket-free day.

CHESTERWE CAN'T MISS THAT SHOW! The announcer who lied said it's a skating spectacular!

TIMMYDude, relax. I will get us those tickets.

AJOh really? Are you going to make three tickets appear by magic?

TIMMY(smacks head)

Duh!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - TIMMY'S ROOM - LATER

5


Timmy stands next to Wanda. Cosmo, still dials and hangs up. SFX: The line is busy

COSMODial...

TIMMYWhat do you mean I can't just make three tickets appear like magic?

"DA RULES" appear.

WANDATimmy, it's sold out! If we gave you three of the tickets, it means we'd be taking them away from somebody else who already has them!! (off Timmy's "I don't care" glare) And that would be stealing.(off his glare) Which is bad.

TIMMYWell, can't you just make three extra theater seats??

WANDAThat would violate the fire code!

TIMMYI have to buy those tickets from Francis! I wish I had 1500 dollars.

WANDAThat's counterfeiting.(off glare) Which is bad.

TIMMYDarn it! I'll have to do it the old fashioned way...

COSMO Blackmail?

WANDABad. How do most ten year olds make money?

6


TIMMYA lemonade stand... Which is BAD! There is no chance you would ever catch me doing anything as dorky as selling any stupid old -

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. TIMMY'S FRONT YARD - THE NEXT DAY

Timmy sits in front of a hastily created LEMONADE STAND that reads "LEMONADE 25 Cents." Cosmo and Wanda sit atop the sign as BIRDS. VARIOUS people walk by his stand, ignoring him.

TIMMYLemonade! 25 Cents! Lemonade 25 cents... Lemonade...

Finally, MOM walks by. She spots Timmy's glum expression and stops.

MOMHow's the lemonade business, Timmy?

TIMMYTerrible. Nobody's buying any. I spent five to ten minutes making this stuff.

MOMWell, I wouldn't want your self-esteem to be crushed. I'll be your first customer!

Mom plunks down a QUARTER and takes a sip. She turn GREEN... And does a massive spit take.

MOM And your last!! This stuff you made yourself is horrible!! (takes quarter)Give me that back!

She walks down the street, stopping at a COMPETING LEMONADE STAND manned by VICKY.

VICKYHello, Mrs. Turner! Would you like to try some of Grandma Vicky's old style country lemonade?

MOM

7


Sure! Anything to wash the taste of my son's foul lemonade out of my mouth!

Vicky leans down...

DIFFERENT ANGLE: Vicky opens a TRAP DOOR in the ground where THREE KIDS are making lemonade. They look up and squint.

KID #1The light...It burns!

KID #2Have you come to rescue us?

Vicky grabs a GLASS OF LEMONADE and hands Mrs. Turner the glass.

VICKYHere you go, Mrs. Turner!

Mom takes a sip. It's delicious!

MOMMmmm! It's delicious!! It's so much more tasty than that rank bile Timmy made!! More please!

ON TIMMY - who looks up to Cosmo and Wanda.

TIMMYIt's supposed to taste good, too?

COSMOCapitalism can such be a cruel mistress. (off Wanda's glare)Not that I have one.

Wanda glares. Cosmo pulls out a PHONE.

COSMOLet's play the dial and hang-up game!!!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - THE TURNER KITCHEN - LATER

The place is a mess. Timmy has been trying various lemonade formulas. Cosmo and Wanda hover nearby. Timmy mixes a batch.

8


TIMMYFinally, I think I've found the secret ingredient that will make my lemonade so tasty, I'm sure to make fifteen hundred bucks!

Timmy takes a sip. He spits it out - right onto Cosmo. Who spits it right back out.

TIMMY Okay, cheese is not the secret ingredient.

QUICK CUTS OF TIMMY SPITTING OUT BAD LEMONADE

TIMMY Taco sauce. (spits) Peas. (spits)Gravy. (spits) Chocolate laxative.

Timmy spits it out.

TIMMY Darn it, I'm running out of ingredients! (the laxative hits) EEEP! Bathroom!!!

Timmy bolts into the bathroom.

WANDAWell, you're not gonna find it in there! (to Cosmo) I don't understand why he doesn't just wish for sweeter lemonade?

COSMOI can do that!

WIDEN TO REVEAL - Cosmo takes off his SOCKS and dips them in Timmy's glass. It sparkles with magic.

WANDAI said sweeter, not sweatier!

COSMOReally? I thought you said "Dunk your sweaty socks in Timmy's lemonade!"

Timmy's hand reaches into frame and grabs the glass.

COSMO AND WANDAUh... Timmy...

9


Timmy sips it. It's great.

TIMMYMmmm! Hey! This is great! I wish I had a pitcher of this!!

Cosmo and Wanda each gesture to grant the wish, but before they can... <ZING!> A PITCHER appears. Cosmo and Wanda look at each other quizzically. They didn't do that. Cosmo shrugs and dips his socks in.

COSMOThe secret ingredient is feet!

TIMMYCool!

Wanda looks nervously at the glass of Lemonade as we...

CUT TO:

EXT. LEMONADE STAND - LATER

AJ and Chester each hold GLASSES of Lemonade. They taste the new formula. Cosmo and Wanda watch as BIRDS.

TIMMYSo? What do you think?

AJStupendous. (To Chester) That means great.

CHESTERDuh. Show off. Sometimes I wish I was as smart as you think you are.

AJ turns his back to the boys to pour himself a cup as Chester's lemonade glass GLOWS. MAGIC circles around Chester's head. Chester's forehead swells up. He's extremely brilliant. He fashions a time-travel BELT from GRASS, a PAPER CLIP and GUM. He hits the button and starts to fade away.

CHESTERI've just invented the time-travel belt!! If all goes well, I'll see you guys in the future!

10


Chester fades away and drops his cup. Timmy picks it up and looks at it quizzically.

TIMMYWow! He's smart and gone. (re: the cup) How'd that happen?

AJ turns around and takes a sip.

AJWho cares? This lemonade is so great I wish everybody knew about it!

Magic sparkles surround AJ. BANG! A VAN with a FLAT TIRE pulls to a stop right in front of the stand. Exhaust FUMES waft throughout the scene. The diminutive CHET UBETCHA jumps out of what we can now see is a TV NEWS VAN.

CHET UBETCHAI'm Chet UBetcha saying We'll never get back to the studio in time.

Chet whips a out a TINY PLASTIC NEWS DESK.

CHET UBETCHAThis is Chet UBetcha saying: I'll do the news right from here.

A CAMERAMAN points to Chet.

CHET UBETCHAGood afternoon Dimmsdale, I'm Chet UBetcha. A raging forest fire (cough, cough) - hang on a moment -(sips lemonade) This just in - Fire Shmire! This is the greatest lemonade ever!

CUT TO:

EXT. VICKY'S LEMONADE STAND

She watches on a small TV as a CUSTOMER waits to be served.

CHET UBETCHA (ON TV)

11


Everyone within the sound of my voice has really got to taste this astounding lemonade made by Dimmsdale's own, Timmy Turner.

MAGIC SPARKLES surround Vicky's customers. They all bolt.

SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. TIMMY' LEMONADE STAND - DAY

Timmy and AJ are swamped with customers. A CUSTOMER drains his glass.

CUSTOMERI wish I had more.

His glass refills itself.

CUSTOMER Now, that's service!

TIMMYSo, how are we doing?

AJWe're going to see Crash Nebula! We're going to see Crash Nebula!

Timmy looks at a massive PILE OF MONEY.

TIMMYDude, at this rate, we're gonna OWN Crash Nebula. You man the fort, I'm gonna get some more sweaty socks for my lemonade.

AJWhat?

TIMMYI mean make six more sweaty pitchers of... Look, a monkey!

AJ wheels around.

AJWHERE?

12


Timmy runs OS.

CUT TO:

EXT. VICKY'S LEMONADE STAND

The price is now "One cent or best offer." A TUMBLEWEED blows across the screen. A LITTLE OLD LADY customer walks up.

LITTLE OLD LADY Excuse me?

VICKY(perking up) Yes?

LITTLE OLD LADYDo you know where that other kid's stand is? With the good lemonade?

VICKYThat's it! Turner is going down!

The old lady exits. Vicky stomps off. A second later a head pops out of the trap door and looks around. Two of the kids run like hell.

KIDSWe're free! FREE!!!!

One last kid comes out of the stand. He holds his eyes from the light of the sun.

KID #3Free! (beat) My eyes... can't see...

He trips and falls. The other two kids instantly return.

KID #2Jeremy!

KID #3Go on without me!

KIDSOKAY!

They leave. Jeremy falls back into the hole.

KID #3

13


AAA!

CUT TO:

INT. TIMMY'S GARAGE

Timmy opens the GARAGE DOOR. The LIGHT from outside hits Cosmo's face.

COSMO My eyes! They burn! And they're green!

We see that Timmy has transformed the garage into a LEMONADE FACTORY. A BIG MACHINE smooshes LEMONS into a pitcher. They go down the CONVEYER to a SUGAR STATION then WATER is added. At the end, COSMO'S SOCKS get dipped into the pitcher. The pitcher barely sparkles. He dips them in a second pitcher. No sparkle at all.

TIMMYUh-oh. Your socks have lost that magical stink.

ON a clearly exhausted Cosmo, holding WEIGHTS and sitting on a STATIONARY BIKE.

WANDAAnd that's bad, how?

Timmy pops his head into Scene. He claps twice...

TIMMYLess talkie! More sweatie!

And Cosmo puts on TWO MORE SOCKS and starts pedaling like mad and lifting the weights. He starts sweating... And the socks start getting those little "stink" lines.

COSMOI have dreams too, you know!

TIMMY(to Wanda)

We should leave him to his work.

POOF! Wanda turns into your garden variety HOUSE CAT as she and Timmy exit. The camera follows them as they walk and talk. They pass a massive LINE OF PEOPLE, who are holding and drinking their lemonade.

14


TIMMY Man, this was a great idea! I can't believe how fast we're making money!

Behind Timmy, a MAN, next to A BEATEN UP CAR, takes a sip of lemonade... And POOF! He's suddenly dressed like a VERY RICH GUY standing next to a FANCY ITALIAN SPORTS CAR.

WANDAYeah, but I can't help but think Cosmo's magic sweat might cause some sort of weird side effect!

TIMMYI'm sure it's no big deal.

Timmy walks up to the stand where AJ is selling a glass to a LITTLE BOY who finishes his lemonade.

LITTLE KIDI wish my dog was here! He used to love lemonade.

A THREE LEGGED DOG runs up to him. He hugs it.

LITTLE KID Speedy!

He lets the dog lap up some lemonade. As they walk away, the dog sees Wanda, as a cat, barks and POOF! It regrows it's FOURTH LEG.

LITTLE KID It's a miracle!

TIMMYDid you see that? Cosmo's sweat made my lemonade magic!

WANDABad.

TIMMYWhat do you mean, bad? Anything that drinks Cosmo's sweat gets its wish granted! What's bad about that?

Speedy chases the Wanda cat around the corner of the house.

15


TIMMYI mean, besides that?

Dad and Mom stand on the lawn, each holding glasses of lemonade. Dad takes a great big sip.

TIMMY Dad! No! Put that down!

DADAre you mad? It's tangy and refreshing!

Dad gestures at an OFFICE BUILDING in the distance.

DADMan, this is good! If only there was some way I wouldn't have to go back to work, I'd stay here all day and drink this lemon-icious concoction!

Suddenly, a gigantic Godzilla - sized LIZARD appears and eats the building whole.

DADHey! That's my office! Cool! I'm unemployed! Which means we're broke! Come on, Honey, let's go frolic in impoverished denial!

Mom takes a sip and POOF! Dad becomes a shirtless FABIO.

MOMOkay!

On Timmy - who notices this.

TIMMYWow. My dad's ripped!

Timmy looks out and sees - a giant lizard stomping around, various space ships POOFING into the sky... buildings changing into flowers, the sun becoming the moon and becoming the sun again. Policemen turn into clowns... Etc.

TIMMY

16


Okay, Wanda was right. This is bad. Wanda! I Need...

Wanda runs past, barely ahead of Speedy.

WANDA(panting as she runs)Little busy right now!

TIMMYOh man! Gotta find Cosmo...

INT. TIMMY'S GARAGE

Timmy runs in... Cosmo is exhausted, on the floor.

COSMOOnly... Enough body fluids to make one more glass...

TIMMYI wish all the lemonade I made was gone! You hear me? Gone!

COSMO(to tired to do anything)Sleepy. Tired. Stinky.

SFX: Outside - the world is in chaos! MONSTERS walk the Earth. A giant BABY, holding a lemonade glass crawls through scene. SUPER HEROES, carrying lemonade, fly through scene. Suddenly CHET UBETCHA grows to 50 feet holding his lemonade.

CHET UBETCHAThis is Chet UBetcha saying "I'm the tallest newscaster alive!"

The Dog, now wearing a JET PACK, flies through scene, chasing the Wanda cat.

TIMMYOh my gosh! Everybody's wishes are coming true! What am I gonna do?

Timmy sees one glass of Cosmofied lemonade on the table.

TIMMY

17


I'm gonna fight lemonade, with lemonade.

Timmy dramatically grabs the cup, just as the giant lizard rips open the top of his garage.

TIMMY AAAA!

Timmy takes a sip. POOF! The lizard pops down to the size of an iguana and lands on the cup. The lizard takes a sip from the cup. POOF! It's gigantic again!

LIZARDRAAAAAA!!!!!

TIMMYAAAA!

Timmy takes another sip. POOF! The lizard turns back into an iguana... Wearing a MUZZLE.

TIMMY Gotta watch that.

CUT TO:

EXT. TIMMY'S FRONT YARD

Timmy wades through the crowd, sipping and wishing. SIP!

TIMMYI wish that was gone!

A monster disappears. SIP! The flying saucers vanish.

TIMMYI wish they were back on their planet!

An OFFICER walks by, carrying Francis in cuffs.

OFFICERYou know scalping's illegal. Those tickets belong to the world.

SIP! Chet shrinks down to size.

CHET U BETCHA

18


I'm Chet UBetcha and I am shrinking.

TIMMYI'm running out of lemonade! Just enough for one last wish... that everything was back to normal and nobody remembered any of this!

SIP! BIG POOF! Everything is finally back to normal. AJ walks up, carrying a massive STACK OF CASH.

AJTimmy! I don't know how I got it, but look! A big stack of cash!

TIMMYMore than enough for our tickets! Cool! And by this time tomorrow, we'll be ringside at Crash Nebula!

AJOn Ice!

They hi-five and AJ leaves. Timmy, holding the stack of cash, smiles.

TIMMY Hmmm. There's a little sip left. All's well that ends well.

A HAND snatches the lemonade.

VICKYThere you are, Twerp! Let's have a sip of this stuff that everybody says is so great!

TIMMYVicky, no!

SIP! The money POOFS out of Timmy's hand and into Vicky's.

VICKYWhat a coincidence! I was just thinking about this! See ya, Twerp!

Timmy hangs his head as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

19


INT. - TIMMY'S ROOM - LATER

A still depressed Timmy sits as Cosmo is back to playing the "Dial and Hang up" game. He dials...

COSMODial...

SFX: It's busy.

COSMO And hang up! Wee!!!

WANDACheer up, Sweetie! I'm sure Chester and AJ will understand!

TIMMYWhat? That I lost the money for the tickets and now we can't go to Crash Nebula?

Cosmo dials...

COSMODial...

SFX: It's busy.

COSMO And hang up! Weee!

He dials...

COSMODial...

SFX: RING RING!

WOMAN ANSWERS PHONEDimmsdale Dimm-a-dome!

COSMOA person! Darn it!

Timmy grabs the phone.

20


TIMMYGIVE ME THAT!!! (into phone)Uh... is there any chance you had three scalped tickets returned for Crash Nebula on Ice?

WOMAN ANSWERS PHONEAs a matter of fact, yes! And Because they smell like a toilet, we've reduced the price to $20!

TIMMYYES! Thank you, Karma!

Cosmo reaches for the phone...

COSMOAnd hang up!

POOF! Wanda covers Cosmo's hand with an OVEN MITT. He can't pick up the phone.

COSMOAwww...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. DIMM-A-DOME - THE NEXT NIGHT

PUSH IN ON a cheering stadium.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - DIMM-A-DOME TICKET - SAME TIME

The spectacular is happening. Timmy and AJ are in the front row.

CHORUSCrash Nebula! On Ice! Crash Nebula!

ON TIMMY, AND AJ

AJWay to go, Timmy!

TIMMY(to Cosmo and Wanda)

Man! After going through all that, I actually got

21


the tickets the right way.

Chester blinks in next to them, with his still gigantic head.

CHESTER I've come from the future to warn you all that...

TIMMYUh... Guys?

Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands and POOF! Chester's head deflates to normal size...

CHESTER...warn you all... that... That... Hey! That's Crash Nebula!

EVERYBODYON ICE!

FADE TO BLACK

END OF EPISODE

22

135 nectar of the odds

Documents