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Dating?Lookingforanewrelationship?

Well,haveIgotsomegreatdatingadviceforyou.

Asmyreadersalreadyknow,Irecentlywroteanarticleon10TypesofWomentoAvoidthatgotmeinalotofhotwater."Misogynist","pig",and"@$$hole"weresomeofthekinderlabelssomereadersgaveme.Well,thosecommentsannoyedmeasIthoughtthemunfairsinceIamanallaroundgreatguy.Really.

Aftergoingintohiding,avoidingthesmallcontroversythateruptedatvarioussites,Iamnowbackandreadyforthenextroundofoutrage.Frankly,IthoughtmyarticlewasbrilliantandIamnotgoingtobesilencedbyallthestupidfemiNazisoutthere.Ifigureifyoudidn'tlikethearticle,itwasprobablycuzitwastalkingaboutyou!

Well,IhadcommittedintheWomentoAvoidarticlethatIwouldwriteaboutMentoAvoid.IreallyregrettedsuggestingIwoulddothatasitwasalmostimpossibletofindmaledollsthatwerenot"adult",andIreallydidnotenjoylookingatallthestupidlookingadultmaledolls(...andyes,ImaysomedaydoanarticleonthemifIcangetitthroughourcensors).Itonlytookmeaboutaweekofscouringthenettofinallyrealizethatdollsformenarecalled"actionfigures".Duh!

Sohere'smydatingadviceonthe10TypesofMenYouNeedtoAvoid,ashighligh

tedbydolls,Imeanmaleactionfigures:10.MenWhoAreAlwaysPissingOnEverything:

Youknowthetype;forhimnothingyoudoisgoodenough.You'retoostupid,you'retoofat,you'retoomouthy.Well,thetruthistheguyisanidiottrainedfrombirthfromhisNeanderthaldadtopissalloveryouandeverythingyoudo.Avoidhimlikeyouwouldapoundingheadache.

9.MenWhoAreDamagedandLikeIt:

He'stheguythatseemssosensitiveandcaringwhenyoufirstmeet.He'sabletosharewithyoutheheartbreakofabrokenrelationship.Youonlyfindoutafterafewmoreencountersthathe'sstillnursingabrokenheartfromtherelation

shiphehadwithsomeoneovertenyearsago.

Youslowlyrealizethathe'snotsomuchheartbrokenbutalreadycommittedtonevercaringaboutsomeoneagain.Nomatterhowmuchtimeyouspendtogether,youcannevergetthrough.Faceit,youneverwill.Thepaddingaroundhisheart(andhisskull)issothickaneutronbombwon'tpiercethroughit.Sogiveupandgetgoing.He'slikeadrippyfaucetthatslowlywearsyoudownwithfalsehopeuntilyoujustwanttosmashit.(Seedollhere.)

8.MenWhoLoveSportsWayTooMuch:

There'safinelinebetweenagreatguywholovessportsandtheragingmaniacthatlovessportswaytoomuch.HowcanyoulovesportsTOOmuch?menwouldaskinbefuddlement.Formostwomen,it'sobvious.Aguylovessporttoomuchwhentheywouldratherwatchagamethanspendtimewithyou.

IrealizethatALLmenfallintothiscategoryafterseveralmonthsofknowingyou,buttheywilloccasionallysubmittheirwhippedbuttstotakingyououtorholdingyourpurseasyoushop,justtostopyourfussing.Butthesportfanaticwon'tcarethatthehouseisfallingapart,thatthebabyiscryingorthatyouhaven'tbeenoutofthehousein4months.Allhe'llwantisabeer,aTVand"s

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omepeace".Theyarehardtotellapartfromthenormalhealthymalebutlookoutforthesignsofobsession,oryou'llbestuckwatchingeverylamegamethesportschannelhastoofferandfeedinghisburpingbuddiesasyourfriendsgoouttodinnerandtoseethehottestnewmovieeveryweekend.(Seedollhere.)

7.MenWhoThinksHeKnowsYou:

ThesearetheguyswhothinktheyareFreud.Theyspendalltheirtimethinkingandlittletimeactuallydoinganythingconstructive.Theyhaveputabiglabelonyouafteronedateandanightofconversation.

He'stheguywhositstherewatchingyou,withthatstupidsmug"Iknewit"lookonhishounddogface.He'sclearlythinkingthatbyputtingalabelonyou,hehasyouallfiguredoutandknowsjustwhattodotofixyou.Helooksatyouasifyouweresomebrokenpieceofpotteryhe'sgoingtogluebacktogether.

What'ssadisthathestillcan'tfigureouthowtogetsomeonetoactuallylikehim,sohowishegoingtofixyou?

6.MenWhoArePrettierThanYou:

It'sonethingtodateasexyhoneywholookslikeBradPitt,it'squiteanotherstorytobewithsomeonewhomakesyoufeellikeamanlycowjustbystandingnexttohim.Youknowthetype,don'tyou?He'sthe"metroman"whospendsmoret

imefluffinghishairjustsoandtakesmoretimedoingitthanyouwouldspendpaintingabarndoor.

Ladies,thesecrettofeelingprettyandfeminineistoneverdateamanthat'smorebeautifulthanyouandmoredelicatethanyou.Sostopfeelingliketheturdthat'sdryingoutinthesun,anddumpthewhinynarcissist.(Seedollhere.)

5.MenWhoThinkTheyAreBetterThanYou:

Haveyoumethim?He'sallaboutfeelingsuperior.Nobodyisgoodenoughforhim.Hehasalasersharptongueandcanshredanythinginsightuntilitliesintattersinfrontofhim.

Thiscolddeadfishisunabletobreakintoasmileforfearofsplittinghisface.Hesimplytakescomfortinfeelingthatheisbetterthaneverybodyelse.Afterspendingenoughtimewiththisguy,youwillgrowtodespisethehumanraceashedoes,andcrawlaroundfeelingunworthy.Throwhimawaylikeyouwouldamold-filledpotato.(Seedollhere.)

4.MenWhoAreWayTooParanoid:

Somethingaboutthesegreen-eyedgoblinsdrivesthemtothinkyouarecheating,evenwhenyouarewiththem.

Theyaretheoneswhoseemsoconfidentatfirst,flirtingwithyouandattracte

dtoyourabilitytoflirtback.Youdatethemandfindtheyreallydon'tlikeyourclothes(toorevealing),yourcar(tooflashy),yourfriends(sluts),yourfamily(toonosy),yourjob(toodemanding),untilyouwakeuponedaytofindtheonlythingyouhaveleftinyourlifeisamiserableparanoidweirdviolentmanwhocan'tstandyououtofhissightbutcan'tstandthesightofyou.Heneedsyoutohavenothinginyourlifebuthim,andyouwillhavenothingunlessyouwakeupandgetout.

3.MenWhoRefusetoGrowUp:

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Well,myopinionatedwifesaysthatifyouneedtoavoidallmenwhoarechildren,therewouldbenomentodate.Haha.Notfunny.

Imeanotherthanthenormalguywhowantstohavehisegostrokedconstantlyandonlydowhathewantstodo,therearethoseguyswhoreallyarebabies.Selfish,spoiled,uselesslittleboyswhodon'tunderstandtheconceptofresponsibilityorself-respect.

Thesemenaretheoneswhocan'tkeepajob,whoblameeveryoneelsefortheirownstupidityandlaziness,whoareconstantlyoutragedthattheworldisnotgivingthemtherespecttheydeserve.Clueless,theyneverrealizethattheyareinfact,gettingtherespecttheytrulydeserve.Hangingaroundwiththistypeofloserislikehaving10screamingkidshangingonyourlegs,askingforicecreamwhenyoucan'tpayforbread.Lockthedoors,throwawayhisbookofexcusesandgetaspine.Avoidhimlikeyouwoulda...bloodsuckingleech.(Seedollhere.)

2.MenWhoThinkOnlyWithTheirSticks:

Well,aswewellknow,thestreetstothecourthousearelitteredwithbrokenmarriagescausedbymenwhothinkwiththeirsticksandnottheirbrains.TheyseesomethingtheywanttopokeanditdoesnotmatteriftheyhaveHalleBerry,ChristyBrinkleyorPamAnderson,andtheir2kids,3dogs,and4fisheswaitinga

thome.Thesemenwilldowhattheyknowtheyshouldn'tdo,gogettheforbiddenpoke.

Itdoesnotmatterthatyouarethehottestthingsincefreshlybakedpie,amanlikethisisgoingtogiveyouafewdiseasesandmessuppubliclyrightwhenyouarebeingvoted"HappiestCouple"attheLodge.Youknowhe'sthetypetocheatasthat'showyougothimfromhisfirstwife.Knowthatyougotaweaselinyourarms,andthrowhimawaybeforeheputsyouonthefrontpagesofthedailynewspaperformurder.(Seedollhere.)

1.MenWhoAreCruel:

Simplyput,therearecertainmenwhoaremonstershidingbehindathinveneero

fcharmandsanity.

Thereisnothingintheworldasuglyorasdamagingasacruelman.Forsomereason,therearemenouttherewhotakeonlyjoyinseeingsomeoneinpain(Idon'tmeanlikeinadullheadachekindofpain-Imeanlikeabigkickinthenutspain).

Peoplesaythatit'sapowerthing,butIknowit'sasicknessthing.It'ssicktobeyouifyouarewithsomeonelikehim.

Don'tbedistractedbythesexygrinorthebulgingpecs(orbulgingotherstuff)ontheoutside.Lookattheinside.Fireisbeautifulbutithurtswhenyougetburned.Stayawayfromthesecreepsasifyourlifedependedonit,asitsure

lydoes.(Seedollhere.)

IhopeeveryoneissatisfiednowthatIhavefullysharedmyyearsofwisdomwithboththemenandwomenintheworldwhoneedsomerealadviceaboutdatingandrelationships.

Canwenowstopthenamecalling?Iamnotasexistpig.Iliketothinkofmyselfmoreasanastuteobserverwhorealizesthatallwomenareroyalpainsinthe@$$.