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Exquisite Self-Care

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09SEPTEMBER

Exquisite Self-Carew o r k s h e e t

“An empty lantern provides no light.Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to

shine brightly.” — unknown

Self-care is the practice of taking an active role and being responsi-ble for your own well-being — emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.

To care for one’s self isn’t just about facials and massages; it’s about doing the uncomfortable things like saying no, going for a walk even when you don’t think you have the time, scheduling routine appoint-ments that you keep putting on the back burner, or taking care of your finances.

Sadly, we often take better care of our pets than we do ourselves. We give to everyone else and leave ourselves with the scraps of life.

Life takes over — job, family and community — and you wake up one day to realize that you have not included yourself in your own life.

Exhausted and disconnected from yourself, you look in the mirror and don’t even recognize yourself.

Your relationships, health, career, and finances suffer when you don’t make self-care a priority.

However, you’re just one decision away from putting the spark back into your eyes and discovering a lost energy, but it’s going to require that you get over some major beliefs that often stop women from making self-care a non-negotiable.

The issue around self-care that I’ve seen in the over 10 years of coaching women is we often believe:

• It’s selfish to take care of ourselves.• A “good” person is self-sacrificing. • There’s not enough time.

These three belief systems create a perfect storm of putting our own needs on the back burner.

So, let’s address all three, shall we?.

It’s selfish to take care of ourselves.

The meaning of “selfishness” is: “a concern for one’s own welfare or advantage at the expense of or in disregard of others.”

Ask yourself: how does your family pay the expense of you taking care of yourself ?

Women will tell me things like “I may not have dinner ready at 6:oo p.m.” or “My mom may be upset if I can’t take her shopping this weekend.”

Is that an expense or simply an inconvenience?

Are you disregarding them or simply setting a new standard in your life?

When you neglect yourself, you have very little to give. You can’t pour from an empty glass.

At some point, you will exhaust yourself to the point that you have nothing to give to them or yourself.

Do not let it get to that point.

What if the opposite of this statement is true:

It’s selfish to not take care of myself.

Think about what your family and friends are missing out on when you put your needs on the back burner:

A healthy and happy mom.A radiant woman.An example of what’s possible.

I truly believe a healthy woman creates a healthy home, rela-tionships, and world.

How dare you deny the world of your own health?

That’s selfish.

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A “good” person is self-sacrificing.Many of us were raised to believe that “good” people sacrifice everything for the good of all.

Let me ask you this:

Is it good to take care of everyone around you denying them of the opportunity to learn to do it for themselves?

Is it good to teach your children that they must neglect them-selves in order to be a “good” person?

Is it good to run yourself into the ground and having nothing left to give?

Is it good to be cranky, resentful and full of anxiety?

If you struggle with this belief, play around with this one:

A good person takes care of herself.

How could that be true?

There’s not enough time for self-care. This is the #1 excuse I hear when it comes to our own self-care.

I don’t have time to prepare my meals, exercise, take a break, do something fun, meditate, work on my dreams.

Basically, we are saying, “I’m choosing to put other things as a priority over my own self-care.

If it were truly important, you’d make the time.

What do you fear you’d have to give up if you put yourself on the pedestal of your own life?

Career success.Peace in the home.External validation.Being seen as a “good” mom.

Now, I want you to consider this: what if not making yourself a priority will eventually create your worst fears?

Imagine that you exhaust yourself to the point of illness and you start missing work or you’re so full of resentment and anxiety that you finally snap at the kids.

Success and self-care go hand-in-hand.

You can’t have one without the other, because true success is fulfilling. Neglecting yourself is never fulfilling.

Yes, you may end up with a million dollars but is it a success if you’re health suffered in the process?

You may keep peace in the home, but if you’re raging inside, did you really succeed?

You may get all the fleeting accolades, but if you ignored your own needs in the process, what did you really achieve?

The better you care for yourself, the more energy you have.

The more energy you have, the better you show up.

The better you show up, the better the results you create.

So, let’s consider another perspective:

There’s not enough time to not take care of myself.

How do you lose time when you don’t make yourself a #1 priority?

Self-care is about bringing harmony back into your life after creating an imbalance by overcommitting and neglecting yourself.

This month, you are going to commit to exquisite self-care, which will require that you put yourself at the top of your list for 30 days.

It will be extremely uncomfortable for some of you.

For others, it will be about taking it to the next level.

For all of us, it’s about being honest with where we are ne-glecting ourselves and making the commitment to love and care for ourselves more deeply and fully.

You’ve got this!

With Love,

Tonya

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01Exercise #1: How You Care

Think about someone you deeply care about.

This could be a child, a parent, spouse, best friend or even your pet.

Make a list of all the things you want for them and how you care for them:

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02Exercise #2: Celebrating Your Self-Care

While you may want to improve your self-care, let’s acknowledge how you already care for yourself, because what you focus on grows.

Make a list of how you’re already caring for yourself.

Here are some questions to think about:

Why don’t you weigh more? (If you’re 100 pounds overweight, why aren’t you 150 pounds overweight?)

Why aren’t you in the hospital?

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03Exercise #3: Self-Care Sentences.

Self-care is about more than getting pedicures and taking bubble baths. It starts with the words we speak to ourselves. Self-care requires sentences of kindness, compassion and love.

Make a list of sentences a woman who cares for herself would say:

Example:

You are amazing. I love you.I am going to care deeply for you. You are worth the time.

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04Exercise #4: Self-Care Activities

Self-care isn’t just about eating well and getting sleep; it’s about creating space to do things that bring you joy.

Make a list of activities you enjoy:

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05Exercise #5: Self-Care in the Challenges

Imagine the “future ideal you” who has endured many challenges that life offers and imagine how she navigates them.

Make a list of how she takes care of herself in the following categories:

EMOTIONALLYHow does she treat herself when she’s:

b o r e d s a d

a n x i o u s s c a r e d

MENTALLYHow does she treat herself when she’s experiencing:

s t r e s s n e g a t i v e s e l f - t a l k

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PHYSICALLYHow does she treat herself when she’s experiencing:

l o w e n e r g y i l l n e s s

t r o u b l e s l e e p i n g w e i g h t g a i n

SPIRITUALLYHow does she treat herself when she’s experiencing:

d i s c o n n e c t i o n f r o ma h i g h e r p o w e r

a l o s s o f f a i t h

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SOCIALLYHow does she treat herself when she’s experiencing:

l o n e l i n e s s s o c i a l a n x i e t y

f e a r o f l o v e

FINANCIALLYHow does she treat herself when she’s experiencing:

s c a r c i t y u p p e r l i m i t s

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06Exercise #6: Your Deluxe Pampering Kit

Make a list of what a deluxe pampering kit would include for you:

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