objectives of the relationship o establish a safe atmosphere for the child o understand and accept...

BEGINNING THE RELATIONSHIP: THE CHILD’S TIME

Objectives of the relationshipo Establish a safe atmosphere for the childo Understand and accept the child’s worldo Encourage the expression of the child’s emotional worldo Establish a feeling of permissivenesso Facilitate decision-making by the childo Provide the child with an opportunity to assume

responsibility and to develop a feeling of control Making contact with the child

o Am I safe?o Can I cope? (What are the expectations?)o Will I be accepted?


The initial encounter in the waiting roomo Don’t engage in conversation with parentso Crouch down and greet child at her eye levelo Make eye contact and smileo Take the child to the playroom; parents will be there

waitingo The reluctant child

• You can have 1 more minute or 3 more minutes• Parents can accompany child to the playroom• Therapist talks for the parent• Last resort – parent carries child to playroom


Developing the relationship in the playroomo Introduction to the playroom

• Don’t explain too much• “You can play with the toys in a lot of the ways you would

like to”• “in a lot of the ways” communicates limits on behavior (i.e.,

boundaries)o Allow the child to lead

• Enter child’s physical space (including floor) only when invited by child

• Therapist’s chair is the only neutral space• Allowing child to lead affirms belief in the child’s ability to

be constructively self-directing• Children do not learn self-direction and responsibility when

the therapist provides solutions or direction• Suggest a character to play an abusive role vis’-a-vis’ the

child

Developing the relationship in the playroom

Hearing nonverbal expressions – listen with your eyes and ears

Respecting the child’s space Physically tracking the child – toes should follow nose Reflecting nonverbal play behavior: tracking

o Tracking – put into words what therapist sees and observes child doing

o Tracking conveys interest in the child Reflecting verbal content

o Therapist summarizes or paraphrases and reflects back the child’s verbal interaction

o Reflecting helps therapist immerse herself in the child’s world Reflecting feelings

o Always focus on child’s feelings: “You don’t like what’s in this playroom, and you want to leave”

o Allow child to make decisions about playing


Responding to the reluctant, anxious childo When the child is nonverbal, the therapist should be

verbalo Do not inhibit child further by therapist silence

Questioning techniques of childreno Children ask questions to make contact and build

relationshipo Don’t answer questions that have not been askedo Trying to anticipate what children are communicating

through their questions rather than answering them facilitates expression and exploration

Explaining observation mirror and recording – not necessary for younger children

Taking notes during session – don’t do it


Preparing to end each sessiono 5-minute, 1-minute cautiono Prepare parent if child has paint on themselves

Basic dimensions of the relationship (four healing messages)o I am here – I am fully presento I hear you – I will listen fully with eyes and earso I understand – Communicate this understanding to childo I care – Caring releases child’s innate growth potential

CHARACTERISTICS OF FACILITATIVE RESPONSES

Sensitive understanding: being witho No problem-solvingo No evaluation

Caring acceptanceo Child learns to depend on others for supporto Child develops their own sense of adequacy and

independenceo No advice, suggestions, or explanations are giveno Empathic responses free child to be more creativeo Child’s feelings are experienced with less intensity if

therapist accepts them because child has also begun to accept them

o Child can begin to integrate positive and negative emotions in a more focused and specific way

CHARACTERISTICS OF FACILITATIVE RESPONSES Distinctive qualities of therapeutic responses

o Brief and interactive (10 words or less)o Focused on the childo Interactive and conversationalo Match the flow and emotional intensity of the childo Help the child go ono Reflect nonverbal play behavior (tracking)

• “You’re listening to your heart”• Therapist communicates involvement with child

o Reflect content• Reflecting back the verbal interaction with the child• Child feels heard and understood

Distinctive qualities of therapeutic responses

Reflect feelingso Therapist communicates understanding and acceptance of

the child’s feelingso Child learns that all feelings are acceptable

Build self-esteemo Therapist responds in ways to build self-esteem

• “You know how to count”• “You’re working hard on that”

o Child feels capable, facilitates development of intrinsic sense of self, and builds up intrinsic motivation

Match child’s level of affecto Therapist’s tone of voice and degree of affect match affect

and intensity of childo Mismatches can cause the child to respond disingenuously


Avoid asking questionso Child should not be expected to generate insighto Child comes to play therapy lacking insighto Questions can be turned into statements

Facilitate decision-making and return responsibilityo “That’s something for you to decide”o Experience of decision-making strengthens child’s self-

concept and provides experiences that can be incorporated into changed self-representation

o Therapist returns responsibility to child, facilitates decision-making, and elicits child’s creativity

Responses are personalizedo Use second, not third person or pluralo Keep focus on child


Avoid labeling toyso “You just put that right in there”o Labeling toys anchors child to therapist’s reality and

interferes with child’s creativity and fantasy Are nonevaluative and do not praise

o Praise = external evaluationo Praise deprives child of internal motivationo Praise increases dependency on the therapist, inhibits

creativity, and lowers self-esteemo “You’re proud of your picture”o Describe what is seen; prize what has been produced;

focus on child’s affect

objectives of the relationship o establish a safe atmosphere for the child o understand and accept...

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