write tight(er) 12-01-2013

HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

Write Tight (er) Marcia Riefer Johnston

A Time-Saving, Pain-Free Technique for Selling

Yourself, Your Company, or Your Products through

Your Words


Quick, which ad would you call

concise?

HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

What does conciseness mean (and not mean)?



How much difference can conciseness make?




In what ways does conciseness help me sell?





How can I write more concisely?



Time-saving, pain-free technique










WORKSHOP BREAK







WORKSHOP BREAK

Three-minute video


#ICCSJ2014


#ICCSJ2014

No headline?


#ICCSJ2014

No headline?

No bullets?


#ICCSJ2014

No headline?

No bullets? No

verbiage?


#ICCSJ2014

No headline?

No bullets? No

verbiage?

How concise!

HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston


WordsWordsWordsWords

Words

Words

Words

WordsWords

WordsWords

WordsWordsWords

Words

Words

Words

Words

WordsWords


Minimalism



Concise means “minimal.”


Concise means “minimal.”Not short.



“Cut me a short string.”



“Cut me a short string.” Huh?



“Cut me a short string.”

Make text (like string) as long as needed.

Huh?


Not robospeak.



Not robospeak.

Push button.



Not robospeak.

Push button. Push the button.



Not robospeak.

Keep the the.

Push button. Push the button.



Not gutted for mobile.




Don’t think, “Smartphone users won’t need that.”




They will.

Don’t think, “Smartphone users won’t need that.”



Example


No discussion board?

Example



No calendar?

Example


Concise ≠ Gutted


No calendar?

Example


Minimal.


Minimal.

Enough to meet your audiences’ needs


Minimal.


Enough to accomplish your purpose


Minimal.



No more


Minimal.



No more No less


Write Tight(er): A Time-Saving, Pain-Free

Technique for Selling Yourself, Your Company, or Your

Products through Your Words


Audience needs: “What’s in it for me?”






My purpose: Get you here





No more







No more No less








“Measured usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.” !

Nielsen Norman Group www.nngroup.com/articles/

how-users-read-on-the-web


Small screens



Small screens

Translation costs



Small screens

Translation costs

Readability



Small screens

Translation costs

Readability

Think usability, engagement.



“But I don’t write for small screens.”



Maybe your readers see a big window.


... or maybe your readers see this.



“Full site” view



“Full site” view

“Mobile site” view


Maybe your readers see this.


“But I already write concisely.”This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

This is your toothbrush when it’s ready to replace. The blue bristles have turned half white.


“But I already write concisely.”This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.


Visual-verbal redundancy


Your readers want this.


Especially if you translate.

Philips Sonicare™ toothbrush


“But my stuff isn’t translated.”


“But my stuff isn’t translated.”

Get ready!


How much can a word cost?


You may be needing a loan.




How much can a word cost?words6




You may need a loan.

words6





words6

5 words





words6

5 words

1 word




Translation cost (or savings):


words6

5 words

1 word






words6

5 words

1 word

1 sentence, 1 language





$ 0.25


words6

5 words

1 word






$ 0.25


words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 1 language






$ 0.25

* the size of a Harry Potter novel


words6

5 words

1 word







$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word







$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 25 languages







$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 25 languages




a word? How so?


a word? How so?

Close enough


a word? How so?

Close enough

Varies with the language


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database)


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word

Full price


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price

Pay less


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

Full price

Pay less


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

You still pay!

Full price

Pay less


Whether or not you translate,



whatever size your page or screen,



whatever size your page or screen,

you owe it to yourself to ask …


Dump these words!*


Dump these words!**unless you need them


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact that




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjust




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order to




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbial




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particular




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiage




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch




See be-verbs.


Examples


“Bias tape has the advantage of being able to be applied smoothly around curves as well as straight.”


The fix might not be self-evident.



You have to think.



You have to think.

(Not too painful.)


“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice


Our IT team wants to be predictive.


Our IT team wants to be predictive.

What does the team

want to do?


“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway


“ There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things

that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things

we don’t know we don’t know.” (attributed to a one-time US secretary of defense)





We don’t know diddly—





We don’t know diddly—except to avoid be-verbs.


See be-verbs.




-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)


Jane fully expects a big publisher to snap up her first novel.


Please listen carefully to the following choices so that we can immediately direct your call to the appropriate person.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs)



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs)


very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)


Fred likes his toast very dry.



Fred likes his toast so dry.



Fred likes his toast so dry.

Fred likes such dry toast.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)


not, no (& other negative words)


Do not use negative phrasing.


The Oregon Ducks have not lost a “Civil War” game to their archrivals, the Beavers, in seven years.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words)



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words)


the fact that


Given the fact that Joan had read up on topic-based writing before her group installed the content-management system, everyone went to her with questions.

Concept Task Reference


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that


just


It's just that I just say just a lot. I just have the habit, so it’s just hard to stop saying it.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just


begin to, try to, tend to, in order to


Michael Noer handed the six-year-old the tablet. With no instruction, and never having seen a computer, the boy began to swipe the screen, launch apps, and play a pinball game.


Try to focus on breathing.


“Stop trying to hit me, and hit me.” —Morpheus to Neo


“Do or do not. There is no try.”

—Yoda


“When our tools don’t work, we tend to blame ourselves for being too stupid or not reading the manual or having too fat fingers.”

—Lev Grossman, Time


In order to divert 34,000 tons of food scraps from landfills, Portland created a curbside-pickup program for compostable waste.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to


period of time


Jones and Caruthers have worked here for a long period of time.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time


in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)


In light of my lack of cash, we stopped at an ATM.



In spite of his poor health, Samuel attended his niece’s graduation.



In spite of his poor health, Samuel attended his niece’s graduation.

I prefer that TV in terms of cost.


“The word of is, in anything other than small doses, among the surest indications of flabby writing.”

—Bryan Garner Garner’s Modern American Usage


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)


proverbial


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial


different (as in many different, 36 different)


Our company understands the pros and cons of all these different technologies.


Steve Jobs’s name appears on 212 different Apple patents.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different)



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different)


particular


Google’s CEO, Eric Schmidt, has a particular belief that Android’s open platform leads to more options and more consumer choice.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different) particular



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different) particular


verbiage


We’ll throw some verbiage in there.


Want a tip for making this technique even

more time-saving and pain-free?

HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

Try this.


Another translation example


Updates are needed to your content.




Another translation examplewords6




Your content needs updating.

words6





words6

4 words





words6

4 words

2 words





words6

4 words

2 words

$ 0.501 sentence, 1 language !10,000 sentences, 1 language !10,000 sentences, 25 languages

$ 5,000.00

$ 125,000.00

Translation savings:


It’s worth noting that most readers do not want to wade through huge volumes of information to find what they need.



Nobody wants to wade through volumes.




15-word reduction x 10,000 sentences x 25 languages saves ...





$ 937,500.00





A cool mill.$ 937,500.00


This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.



This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.


Bet you didn’t miss the headline I deleted.


It’s mind-boggling to consider what TIGHTENING that

dramatic would do to IMPROVES KEYWORD DENSITY.


Adjectives • absolutely certain, absolutely essential, absolutely

guaranteed, completely necessary, totally sure • bald-headed • best ever, first ever • blue in color, few in number, long in duration, nubbly in

texture, round in shape, slovenly in appearance, short in height, slow in speed, small in size, tall in stature

• booked solid • exact same, same exact, same identical • filled to capacity • incredible to believe, visible to the eye, warm to the touch


Nouns • actual experience, actual fact • added bonus • advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning • all-time favorite, all-time record • alternative choice • anonymous stranger • annual anniversary • armed gunman • artificial prosthesis • autobiography of her own life, biography of his life


Nouns • actual experience, actual fact • added bonus • advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning • all-time favorite, all-time record • alternative choice • anonymous stranger • annual anniversary • armed gunman • artificial prosthesis • autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

And that’s just the a’s.


Verbs • add an additional • aid and abet, cease and desist, pick and choose • allow you to be able to • always include • ask the question • assemble together, attach together, blend together,

collaborate together, combine together, confer together, connect together, cooperate together, fuse together, gather together, join together, integrate together, meet together, merge together, mingle together, mix together, pool together, share together, splice together


Odds and Ends

• 6 a.m. in the morning, 10 p.m. in the evening, twelve noon, twelve midnight

• and etc.

• ATM machine, GOP party, GRE exam, HIV virus, ISBN number, LCD display, PIN number, RAM memory, UPC code—and my favorite: Please RSVP


Visual-verbal redundancy


HA-llo. DEE-na. DEES eez your MAH-ther.


www.HowToWriteEverything.com/Annals-of-Redundancy-Annals/

More on redundancy …

http://howtowriteeverything.com/annals-of-redundancy-annals/


YOUR WORDS

HERE


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different) particular verbiage any other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch



Story time


Story time

Water dispenser


Story time

Water dispenser

Buttons


Story time

Water dispenser

Buttons

Quick reference


Looks easy enough.


Concise = good ... right?


Ready for a video?


Ready for a video?(You’ll have to pretend.)


Hey, Rick, would you bring me a glass of room-temperature water?



Rick (Smart guy!)



GlassRick (Smart guy!)




Instructions




Instructions Button




Instructions Button Water



DumpGlassRick (Smart guy!)






Read again





Read again Exasperation





Read again Exasperation Try again





Read again Exasperation Try again Try again



Dump again



Read again Exasperation Try again Try again



Dump again



Read again Exasperation Try again Try again Try again


If conciseness doesn’t fix it,change what you’re saying.


Think this is small?

write tight(er) 12-01-2013

Marketing

concise means minimal

short string

push button

smartphone users

exampleno discussion

string aslong

audiences needsenough

workshop breaktime