when elephants walked backwards
DESCRIPTION
This is chapter 1 from one of my new books. The preface explains the premise of the story. My book is no longer available on Kindle, because I pulled it from distribution because the color illustrations (8 of them) don't look very good because they're not in color on Kindle.TRANSCRIPT
Preface
It might be helpful to have a little background on
Thai culture regarding this story. It must be
understood that Thai culture is “tradition based
political structures” that are top down and
patriarchal in nature, and, although this is
changing; it’s changing very slowly. When
describing a good marriage, it is likened to an
elephant; with the front legs being the role of the
husband and the rear legs being the role of the
wife.
We of western culture may find this
characterization of marriage objectionable; but it
sparked the wag in me to envision an absurd
situation taken to its crazy extreme and back once
again to sanity. I hope you enjoy the story and the
spirit in which it was written.
I
“Father, Nong told me we used to walk
backwards, is that true?” asked Boy.
“Oui1! Yes, but that was a long time
ago,” replied the father.
“He also said it was because of one of our
relatives.”
“Yes, that’s true too. It was your great,
great grandfather many times removed, his name
was Chang2. This was long before there were
humans in Thailand.”
“Nong said our family isn’t very
intelligent and nobody else in the whole world
1 A Thai word pronounced like Oui in “oui vey”, only said a little sharper and “higher”. Usually said with a sense of surprise.2 “Chang” is the Thai word for elephant. It’s pronounced with a very broad “A” as in ah.
would have been so stupid as to walk
backwards.”
“Well, if you don’t know the whole story
it might look that way.”
“What’s the whole story?”
“I guess this is a good time to tell you.
The story goes like this:”
Once upon a time, a very, very, very, very
long time ago (before there were humans in
Asia), there was a herd of elephants moving
through the jungles of Thailand on their daily
forage for food and a good bath or even better, a
roll in the mud and then a bath. There was
nothing particularly unusual about this herd
because it had the usual personalities you would
find in any herd of elephants. Well, there was
one exception, but he wasn’t really an exception
because you always find an exception in any
normal herd of elephants. Perhaps this is true
even in a herd of African elephants. As everyone
knows, they are very touchy. I think it’s their
large ears. They are very sensitive to noise and
get very grumpy when disturbed, whereas Indian
elephants are very peaceful (they have smaller
ears). Thai elephants are Indian elephants but
don’t tell them that because it would upset them;
they think they are Thai, which of course they
are, but it’s been a long time since they moved to
Thailand so they have forgotten about India.
Anyway, on this particular day, there was a herd
of Thai elephants and the exception (his name is
Chang) started to argue with himself. Actually
he wasn’t arguing with himself exactly, it was the
rear legs being upset with the front legs and
starting an argument. You might guess this
caused quite a problem, which it did.
It all started when the front legs turned to
go to the river for a bath and the rear legs kept
going straight for the mud pit. Chang started to
zigzag, walk sideways and go in circles. He
crashed into everything in sight. Finally, he sat
down and
asked his legs what the heck was going on? The
front legs said they wanted a bath in the river and
the rear legs said they
wanted to go to the mud pit and have a roll in the
mud. Chang was hungry and wanted to eat.
Well, then the argument really got started.
The rear legs whined that they always had to go
where the front legs wanted to go, they were tired
of always having to follow the front legs, and
besides that, they wanted to lead. The front legs
got very huffy and said “Well, it’s not my fault
you’re the back legs and I’m the front legs. We
were born this way and there’s nothing to be
done about that”. “Oh yeah!” cried the rear legs,
“I’m not moving until I get to lead!” Chang got
very worried at this point. Without his legs
working together he couldn’t go anywhere, how
was he going to eat, drink, and stay with the
herd? Not only that, how could the rear legs
possibly lead? He couldn’t very well walk
backwards, could he? I mean, he has to see
where he’s going, doesn’t he? As if this wasn’t
enough, the legs of each of the elephants in the
rest of the herd realized what was going on and
started to argue also. The whole herd was
crashing around hither and yon through the
jungle. As you may imagine, it was quite a sight.
Chang pleaded and tried to humor his legs
but the rear legs would hear none of it and
refused to move. The front legs said they
wouldn’t move again until the rear legs
apologized for being stupid and stubborn. Chang
said “Oui!” and gave up.
So, there sat Chang. The rest of the herd
had finally stopped and sat down where ever they
were when their legs gave out.
Poor Chang! The rest of the herd was
very angry with him because they said this was
all his fault and they demanded he find a solution
and it had better be quick!
Chang thought and thought and thought.
He got a headache from all this thinking.
What to do, what to do...Oui! There seemed only
one thing to do, let the rear legs lead the way and
see what happens. When Chang informed the
legs of his decision, the front legs gasped,
“What?”
“That’s the way it’s going to be, otherwise, we
stay here until we starve to death. Okay?”
“This is crazy!” pleaded the front legs.
But they realized they had no choice. The rear
legs absolutely refused to move unless they got
their way. When the rest of the herd found out
Chang’s decision, they started trumpeting and
yelling that this was the craziest thing they had
ever heard and thereby created the largest ruckus
any one in the jungle could remember. But,
finally, they too agreed.
Well, as anyone who knows jungles
knows, the news spread in a matter of minutes.
Far and wide every animal in the jungle knew the
elephants in Chang’s herd
would be walking backwards and so they ran,
galloped, flew, crawled, hopped and
swung through the trees to watch the herd.
Chang was the first one to move. He got
up and started to walk. It was very awkward at
first, not to mention looking completely
ridiculous. The front legs were very grumpy but
begrudgingly followed the back legs as they
immediately walked into the first tree, stumbled
and fell down with a huge thump. A number of
small jungle creatures fled for their lives as
Chang fell down. Chang groaned and the front
legs made some very rude comments about the
rear legs. The rear legs sheepishly said they had
to get the hang of this new way of walking. The
rest of the herd wasn’t doing any better. The
noise of 50 elephants crashing around in the
jungle could be heard 10 kilometers away.
Fortunately everybody was exhausted after only a
few minutes as there was a real danger of major
damage to the jungle; trees and plants were going
down everywhere. Luckily most of the other
animals that came to see this spectacle kept their
distance.
One by one the elephants got up and
slowly started to walk again. Nobody in history
had ever seen such a sight: 50 elephants walking
backwards through the jungle. The other animals
couldn’t contain themselves any longer and fell
down laughing hysterically. Even the monkeys
lost their grip and fell out of the trees. The
cobras laughed and hissed, “That’ssssss the
ssssssilliest thing I’ve ever sssssseen!” No one
had ever seen cobras laugh before. The tigers
had completely lost it and were rolling on the
ground laughing. It was almost too much to bear.
By the next day everyone’s coordination
was improving. Very few trees got knocked
down. Butts and tales were feeling bruised and
sore. And yes, the front legs were still
complaining but mostly under their breath. As
the day passed, the rest of the jungle animals
were starting to get bored and slowly went back
to their normal lives, though as you might expect,
this continued as a major source of gossip for
weeks.
Of course there would always be some
problems. The first thing Chang noticed was; his
neck was very sore from always having to look
behind to see where he was going. If he looked
away for only a moment he would crash butt first
into trees, rocks, or whatever there was in the
way. His poor tail was very bruised and sore.
Then there was the problem of finding food: half
the time they had already passed the particular
bush or tree of choice and Chang had to stop and
say “Whoa! Okay, go forward...or I mean
backwards, I mean...nuts...just go back, you went
past it! Okay, now go left, no, no, I mean right.”
It was all so confusing. When you are walking
backwards everything is backwards, or, I mean
opposite. Like I said, it’s all so confusing. I
think you get the picture. Have you ever noticed
that elephants don’t drag their trunks along the
ground as they walk? Well, the reason is
because, very shortly after they started to walk
backwards, nature being what nature is, and
nature does “call”, you could hear, “Yuck, Oh
Gross, Yaaaachh!” as they dragged their trunks
through the freshly dropped manure. Trunks
immediately went up. Plus, as if that’s not
enough, the herd found itself getting manure all
over their feet. Chang said, “This is
disgusting!” His rear legs were also quite
disgusted since they usually walked away from
such things: not into them. We won’t even go
into what the front legs were thinking. Even the
elephant birds that clean the skin of the elephants
wouldn’t come around, as they no longer felt safe
because the herd was acting so erratically.
“Heck, I never know if I’m coming or going and
besides, at any moment I might get crushed if one
of them trips and falls down,” said one of the
birds. “Yes,” they all agreed. They also decided
to find another herd of elephants with some
common sense.
The last straw, so to speak, was the
problem with the babies. As everyone knows
they walk behind the mother holding her tail with
their trunk. The babies were of course very
young and they still walked in the normal
direction. Nobody in the herd quite understood
why when all of the adults walked backwards.
Of course the babies just did their thing. They
couldn’t walk backwards at all. Now the babies
were in front...or...well...sort of. As soon as they
tried this it became clear...this is impossible. One
of the babies was almost crushed and the mother
yelled and screamed at Chang in the most
impolite language you could imagine. Thai
elephants are always very polite, so this made
Chang feel horrible. Since the mothers couldn’t
hold the babies tails and...well...this is when the
herd said Enough! The solution obviously was to
let the babies walk as usual and have them hold
their mother’s trunk. This way the babies still
walked “forward” face to face with their mothers.
Occasionally one of the babies could be heard to
say, “Aw mom, yuck, you didn’t brush your teeth
this morning.” This face-to-face thing took some
getting used to, but it did seem to work. There
were no close calls after this.
“Whew! At least this problem was
solved,” thought Chang.
All of the other 49 elephants were still
very, very, very upset with Chang and were
considering kicking him out of the herd, which is
actually a family. Poor Chang! He was very
depressed. No one would talk to him. The only
positive thing was; everybody was learning to
walk backwards reasonably well. They did,
however, make it very clear that until and unless
things returned to normal, Chang was not
forgiven.
Meanwhile, the news had spread far and
wide. Elephants in Myanmar, Lao, and
Kampuchea had all heard of Chang and the
backwards-walking elephants of Thailand. They
all had a good laugh...until..., yup, did you guess
it? Their rear legs decided to go on strike; and
they did! Now all of the elephants in Southeast
Asia were walking backwards. All that is, except
for one small herd in Thailand, but more about
that later.
Chang was now famous in all of Asia, but
for all of the wrong reasons. He was definitely
the single most unpopular elephant in Southeast
Asia. Everybody knew his name. Chang of
Thailand, it almost became an impolite word.
Then it happened. One morning, a few
days later, the leader of Chang’s herd, Jinda, told
him he was no longer welcome. “You have made
us the laughing stock of every animal in the
jungle,” he said. “You have made us lose face3
(sorry, no pun intended) and you must leave our
herd. Nobody wants you here. We voted and
you must leave.”
“But where will I go?” Chang pleaded.
3 In Thailand and Southeast Asia in general “losing face” is very bad. Causing another person to “lose face” is one of the worst things one individual can do to another person. Basically, it means you have humiliated another person.
“That’s up to you, but you can’t stay here
any longer. There is no longer a place for you
here.”
Chang burst into tears. He couldn’t
remember ever seeing anybody kicked out of the
family. Slowly he backed off into the jungle.
After a few kilometers he just lay down and cried
and cried, he felt hurt and totally abandoned. He
had never been away from the herd in his whole
life. The herd was his whole life! It was in fact
his family. He spoke very impolitely about, and
to, his rear legs. “Humph,” they said. The rear
legs were getting their way and that’s all they
cared about. After all, they were leading and the
front legs were following.
The next morning he got up and started
walking. He was hungry, so he wandered
through the jungle looking for food. As fortune
would have it, he crashed into a banana tree and a
huge bunch of bananas dropped on his head.
“Ouch! Oh, what luck, yum!” He could hear the
monkeys making rude comments and laughing.
The mynahs were also chattering away and he
was certain they were also laughing. As
everyone knows; mynah birds can speak many
languages so one is never quite sure what they
are really saying. Laughing is quite universal
though and if Chang hadn’t been so busy eating
he might have felt humiliated.