what happy working mothers know all rights reserved, 2009 greenberg & avigdor wict: what happy...

What Happy Working Mothers Know

All rights reserved, 2009 Greenberg & Avigdor www.whathappyworkingmothersknow.com

WICT:What Happy

Working Mothers KnowWebinar # 3

Cathy L. GreenbergBarrett S. Avigdor



• to change to your life• to change your industry• to change your community

“Happiness” is a powerful Rx



• Happiness is a necessity, not a luxury in today’s tough economic times• Happiness enables performance

at work and at home• We want to help women learn what took many of us years of trial and error to learn- with less error

Why We Wrote This Book



By investing in your own happiness you can:

Find happiness no matter where you are in your life, how overwrought, how overwhelmed, or how unhappy you are.

If you’re already happy, make that happiness last even when things don’t go smoothly.

Learn techniques to find happiness in the life you have rather than the life you wish you had.

Feel better about yourself at work and at home too!



• G - Good enough• U - Undervalued• I - Inner Voices (-/+)• L - Labeling • T - Taking it “all” on

What would you add to this list?

The Guilt Game



GUILT What is it good for?

- blocking happiness

- pushing us to do things we don’t want to do

- taking the pleasure out of everything

Why Me?



– “Am I hurting my kids by going to work”– “Am I pulling my weight at work”– “Am I a good spouse/partner”

“I’m stressed and tired”

Sources of GUILT



• Are you hurting your kids by going to work?– No! 1,000 Women in our study rated “High”– Univ. Texas-Austin 2005 showed maternal

employment does not impact the development of children

– Confirmed 1999 results at Univ. of Connecticut



Where does GUILT come from?

- societies expectations

- cultural norms

- family expectations

- self induced



• What is the Rx for GUILT?– Remind yourself why you love/need to work– Remember that tending to your happiness is the

best thing you can do for your family– Be clear about your values and prioritize your time

and energy accordingly with healthy boundaries.



• “Am I pulling my weight at work”?– Be objective – are you getting your job done?

• Put yourself in the shoes of your boss• Apply the same standard you would apply to

colleagues – not the “perfect” standard you have for yourself

– If you are, where is the guilt coming from?– If you are not, make changes



“Am I a good spouse/partner, I’m just so stressed”– Treat your energy like a finite resource – Learn the art of “No”– Schedule time with your spouse/partner– When you take time for a “date” make it special –

focus on your relationship vs. kids or household duties



Guilt Defined:The dictionary defines guilt as the recognition of offending someone, of doing something wrong or breaking the law.

“Guilt is a waste of energy. I want to align my energy to my values,

and guilt is not one of my values”Barrett S. Avigdor



Exercise:

Eliminating Guilt:

Understanding the Culprit

(Page 71)

List 3-5 reasons you feel guilty.

Where does your guilt come from?



Exercise: Many Voices (page 66)

Rx for Eliminating GUILT



Key Happiness Tips:

Happiness comes from a full, balanced life that includes hard work, time with loves ones and friends, exercise, celebration, and even solitude. Skimp on any one the ingredients and your recipe for happiness falls flat.



Make a list of voices evoking your guilt • Who’s voices are they? • When did you first hear them?

Write down next to each if they are:

Enabling = E

Disabling = D• This will help you identify which voices create

which outcome for you when you hear them

Eliminate Obstacles To Your Happiness



Once you identify their impact – ask yourself:• Should you listen to them? • When do they matter?• What does it take to eliminate voices that have

no value, while you keep the motivating voices that support your success and well-being?

Creating Helpful “Internal Coaches”



Immediate steps to enhance your overall effectiveness in life

New tools to evaluate, enhance and engage your full potential

Smart ways to leverage your energy to maximize returns

Ideas for managing the needs of motherhood and work successfully

How to align your true values for leadership at home and at work

Goal setting using self coaching strategies to achieve your best

Tools, tips and innovative personal practices

What INSIGHT did you get from today :



• How will you apply this and share it with others to help spread the wealth?



QUESTIONS & COMMENTS

what happy working mothers know all rights reserved, 2009 greenberg & avigdor wict: what happy...

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