wedding planning uncovered

Wedding Planning Uncovered

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Interviewer: Welcome. You're about to learn the inside details and

little known secrets of wedding planning. We're here today with Catherine Porterfield, who is a wedding planner out of the Washington, DC area. Catherine, thank you so much for joining us. Catherine Porterfield: Oh thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here. Interviewer: Great; now you know a lot of people think that wedding planning is such a--a comprehensive process and it--and it can be. You know there's a lot of details that you need to pay attention to; so let's start with the basics. What is it exactly that you do? Catherine Porterfield: As a wedding planner and it--it varies from planner to planner depending on if they're full-service or not--you basically can do anything from you know there's wedding planners who just work the day of an event and just make sure that everything runs smoothly--that the bride has already kind of coordinated and--and done herself, or then there's wedding planners who are there from the very beginning, sometimes even before the engagement, when--you know couples know that they're going to get married and that they basically--you know so you're there from the very beginning to work with the families on the budget, determine those things, and you--you do everything. You help with the flowers, you help with the invitations, the wording on the invitations; you basically take every--take care of everything as well as helping pick a caterer, the dresses both for the bride and the bridesmaids, flowers, music and going to all these appointments with the bride to check and make sure that you know she gets everything--and the family gets everything that they--that they want. Some wedding planners also help with the bridal showers, the bachelor(ette) parties, the bachelor parties; they also help with the rehearsal dinner as far as handling all the logistics of that, as well-- sometimes now there are you know toast wedding brunches and stay




afterwards; so anything that is associated with the wedding some wedding planners take on all of that work. Interviewer: And how long have you been working in this business? Catherine Porterfield: About seven and a half--eight years now. Interviewer: Great, great; so are there any particular career highlights that you're especially proud of? Catherine Porterfield: There's definitely some; there are--you know it's--what's really special about wedding planning and I--I used to do corporate planning and what's nice about doing something is that it's so personal and you really are giving--you know no matter how crazy it may get and you know months and months of planning, it really is a reward when you do see a couple and you're giving them a day that they're always going to remember. And it's such a special important day for not only them--and for their family and that your role is there to help take the stress off the family and off the bride and groom so that they can really enjoy the day and focus on what's really taking place. You know they're starting their lives together. So with each wedding there's definitely a special moment when you get to watch especially when they--you know exchange with their vows or--or whatever kind of ceremony that they have, it's just really nice to watch the couple really be able to enjoy the day. I will have to say that one you know--just because it's personal-- would be one of my friends who got married and just--I was--she actually hired me as--I was in her bridal party but she also did hire me as the wedding coordinator and that was actually my first [destination] wedding that I planned; so it was a bit of a challenge. It was up in Cape Cod and having to do everything from being here in DC and having to coordinate over the phone and not see everything was a great challenge but it was also you know just perfect and the day went off without a hitch. That's one of my most special memories.




And then there was another one that was at the Mayflower here that was just a spectacular, huge event that was just beautiful and again everything just kind of went off without a hitch, so that was just really special as well. Interviewer: That sounds great; when you--there's a personal touch to it. Catherine Porterfield: Yeah; it's--it's very, very nice. Interviewer: So I know you touched on some of them earlier, but what would you say are the--the key--the essential elements that go into wedding consulting, like what are the must-haves? Catherine Porterfield: The must-haves are you need to have a--you need--there's two different things basically I feel like--you need to have a--a good sense of--of basically wedding planning of--of the industry and where it's going and how it's growing and just stay on top of the trends, stay on top of you know--that means from flowers to the kinds of bridesmaids dresses that are popular to you know new traditions and breaking old traditions and kind of the protocol and do you still do things, you know they did in the `50s--just watching how things shift. That's really important. And then it's also important to know the tradition and kind of the styles of the area in which you do most of your work because it changes from area to area and you really need to know that in order to be able to best kind of guide your client and to tell them what you know--if they're going to come with questions to you you're the expert and they're going to look to you for advice and you really just need to be on top of your game and--and know the industry. And obviously with any kind of you know planning profession, you also need to be extremely organized, extremely detail- oriented, you need to follow through and you need to really be--you know you are there for them, so basically when they--if your client calls you need to make sure that you're taking care of them at all times. Interviewer: Great; so you know times have changed--issues,




events. Things have certainly evolved over time. How would you say that is so for wedding consulting? Catherine Porterfield: For wedding consulting I think the industry is definitely growing and I think more and more people are hiring wedding planners than they used to and I also think that it's--it used to go if they just wanted someone--the family would want someone there for the day of, but that's still you know such a struggle because it's also hard for people who are hired just the day of an event. It's very difficult because you don't know; you haven't worked with any of these vendors before--typically the planner will call and just introduce themselves, so you haven't made any decisions; you don't know--you know a cake is supposed to be delivered but you have no idea really what you know--what exactly it's supposed to look like. So it's hard because you have a little bit of control but not really very much and so it's been very difficult and plus you're not there to advise your client the entire way. Whereas now weddings seem to be getting bigger and they're much more an event and experience especially all these weekend weddings and I think that that's why the industry is growing- -people want bigger weddings; they really want to make it this huge experience for their families and friends and they really want their families and friends to feel like they're taken care of. So wedding planners need to be able to take care of all events that go with--aside from just the wedding and reception but to be able--all the logistics for the pre and post-event as well as take care of the bridal party and everything that do-of--really just--it's no longer just something that's just for one day. It--it kind of runs for three or four days you know sometimes and it's just things are getting bigger and bigger. And so wedding coordinators and planners need to be able to prepare for that and have the staffing for that and have the facilities and the--the time to really be able to devote their time to such large events. Interviewer: And do you find that that's the key reason why there are more wedding consultants now than say 20 years ago? Catherine Porterfield: I definitely do. I definitely do. I think there's




just a huge--and it's--and with these big events, it's--they're even more detailed and personal than they used to be you know with all these you know monogrammed you know little gifts that each you know--gifts that each guest receives at a wedding that are left on the- -the tables for dinner, just--and the personalized little notes and then with you know no longer it's the guestbook but now there's you know plates that people sign and making sure the plate moves around and you know it's the--the couple can have this plate on--to display at their home on their mantle. It's just all these little things of personalized touches that people don't want to do the tradition--the traditional guestbook or--or things like that--that the wedding planner has to be on top of all that and making sure that all those little details that make it a personal wedding are implemented and followed through with by all the other vendors. Interviewer: That's great. So detailed orientation is--is one thing, so what are some of the other characteristics that one would look for in a wedding consultant? Catherine Porterfield: My first and foremost is I think trust and that they need to be able to trust you implicitly and you earn that trust by following up when you say you're going to do something, always being you know proactive and in helping them, you're the expert, so you're there to guide them if they have questions and to foresee problems that your client won't be able to see. And maybe they want the wedding ceremony to run a certain way; you have to say okay, well let me--and you have to take a step back and think. Okay; now they want the--the groomsmen to walk in this way and then the--the bridesmaids to walk in this way and you have to figure out logistically okay I know the church or I know the venue where they're getting married, how is that possible, and you have to be responsible for thinking of all those little things that--and how it's going to be played out and orchestrated. So you really--that's where the detail--being detailed oriented come in--comes in and that's what helps with the trust because if you show that you're thinking that far ahead and you're looking at not only the big picture but the little picture and exact details on how things are




going to happen then your clients will trust you. Obviously you're showing them that you know what you're doing--that you've done it before--that you have experience and that you're really thinking every little detail out and that you want this to run as smoothly as possible. And then if you gain the trust of your bride and groom and their families it will make the whole event so much smoother and just make everything be a much better working relationship with your clients. So I think trust and you know really just delivering and catering to your client is extremely important. I think it's also important to--as a wedding coordinator to really work on your relationship with other vendors. It's very--it's great to be able to go into a consultation, especially one you know--the first or second with a new client and they're going to ask you, you know do you have someone that you would recommend and you know whether it be a caterer or a florist and to be able to say yes; and here's who I've worked with in the past, and if you can get this network of people working on the same weddings then you have trust with them which is huge. It was so-- sometimes it's very difficult to work with someone whom you've never worked with before because it's always risky. You don't know; you don't have an established relationship. The more relationships that you can do and go out there and network and meet new vendors is really important and that also helps you as I mentioned before to stay on top of your game. Look at trends from all the different areas--from flowers to music to you know caterers--all those different things, it really, really helps. So as much networking as you can do is--is extremely important and really getting to know other vendors and their industries. Interviewer: Great; now we understand that you know selecting the optimal wedding consultant, it's--it's a process. You know you have to conduct some interviews and figure out you know who might work best for you, so what would the first interview with a potential consultant entail exactly? Catherine Porterfield: I would always ask from the client's perspective, always ask for some examples and you would want




photos, you would want samples, because then it also helps you determine--some wedding--every wedding planner kind of has a different style and what you really want to do is find someone who best--is a good match because you're trying to find--and you're going to have a relationship that's going to be very stressful for you know probably anywhere from over a year to six months--sometimes even three months, so you really want to find someone where that you--or form a partnership with a wedding coordinator who matches your style that you think if you want someone who is direct and straight to the point then you find that out during your interview. So definitely watch the style, and also another way I find with style is looking at the different styled weddings that they've planned. So look at samples; they should--every wedding coordinator or planner should have some kind of portfolio and with that should be you know--include pictures of weddings that they've had, sample invitations, sample menus, sample flowers, song lists--everything that they've done and that they've had input on and how they were involved and what their role was in that wedding. And then they should also have references that I think should--every bridge and groom should always call and talk to someone else and see, because you're definitely get one side from the wedding planner, but you're going to hear something else from the bride and groom and then try to you know--take your image and your perception of that wedding planner to marry it with the references. And every wedding planner should have references to give out. And-- and I think that's definitely one of the biggest things to look at. Also look at the wedding planner and see before you go meet with one, figure out what your needs are. Some brides and grooms want to plan things on their own and they really just need someone who's going to give a little bit of input and a little guidance, but they don't want someone who is really, really involved. So make sure that you find someone that matches that and is going to be able to meet that and is it going to be threatened by the fact that--that you know the bride and groom really want to take charge of this themselves, which every now and then they want to have the opportunity to contact somebody and to get some extra advice, and you know--so




you really need to make sure that you know when you go meet with the wedding coordinator that they are able to give you what you need. Now if you want someone who says oh I do--you know like I mentioned before--this whole weekend experience and you need to make it a three--four-day event--really caters to every need and is willing to do everything and go with every appointment--with you to every appointment and be it from flowers to cake tasting(s) to caterers to everything then you know make sure that you're finding someone who's able to offer that as well. So it's really just making sure that you feel comfortable and that they are able to show their work to you and to show the range of their work, what they're capable of and what they're not; and then from there continue and just get to know the planner a little bit more. Interviewer: Okay; now I have to go legal here with the--you know formalities and everything. Is there a specific contract involved that you have to sign and set up? Catherine Porterfield: It's always different. It depends on their-- there should--yes; there is typically a contract involved. It's going to vary and change obviously from whoever you're using and especially if you're using an independent wedding contractor or a consultant or planner. They will have probably their own contract which has been looked at by you know a lawyer and is--is legal and--but they're going to have their owns whereas if you go to a larger firm or a wedding planning firm then it's going to be probably a little bit more comprehensive and the breakdown will probably be a little bit more specific is what I've found in the past. And when you go to an independent planner, a lot of times what they'll also do is they'll kind of have clauses in their contracts what--which will say you know the week of the wedding you know you will be paying--the client will pay for extra cell phone charges because they'll be using their personal cell phone which is also their business cell phone but since they'll be using it so much more closer to the wedding, they'll add an additional cost for that. That might charge a little bit more an hourly cost for that. So




those--those are the differences whereas if you go to a larger firm it's pretty much one flat fee and everything is included in that. Interviewer: Great; now what are some key things to be aware of? Like what are the--the nightmarish stories, you know? What can go wrong and--and how can those things be avoided? Catherine Porterfield: You mean in--with meeting with the planner or do you mean in overall with--with the wedding? Interviewer: Well I would say both. I mean it can start from the very beginning and--and then trickle its way through the process, so I guess we can talk about both instances. Catherine Porterfield: Okay; I would say that with me--as far as planners go I find--and I get leery of people who are not good at calling back or not good at getting back to you. If you leave you know- -and not communicating your schedule, someone who--you know sometimes you'll hire a wedding coordinator and then I've heard people say they haven't heard again from that coordinator. You know they hired them a year out and then the coordinator really didn't follow up with them until probably about two months prior or wasn't really invested in the wedding until about two months prior because you know they have other weddings in between. It's not that they just have one wedding at a time. That I would be--be very careful of and if you find that you're experiencing that you really--you know the couple or the--or the family needs to communicate that they're not happy with--with the level of communication that they are receiving and attention they are receiving from the wedding planner, because you really want to feel like you're taken care of and if they don't get back to you I just find that's kind of an example of not paying attention to details. That's a huge detail; your clients calling you--you need to get back to them in a timely manner; and you need to constantly--even if they're not calling, you need to check in with them to make sure that you're not missing out on any big decisions that they're making that you could help advise them with. So it's--it's definitely--that's




something to look--you know to look for and I think how that can be you know kind of resolved is if the client you know specifies what they want and what they're looking for and making sure that as far as the coordinator goes that you're honoring that and living up to that whether that means you know if someone who wants to take care of their wedding on their own, but wants that advice like I mentioned earlier and wants to be able to check in, you say okay; well how often can I check in with you then? How often is it--I just want to make sure you know that everything is okay. You know what is it where I'm not going to be annoying you by calling but I'm also not going to disappear off the face of the earth? So that's one way to fix that potential problem because the less involvement the planner has and if the planner is not around I find it makes it far more of a difficult kind of wedding day experience because they know a little bit less; they don't know as much as they should. They have not been involved. And as far as--that kind of leads into the second part of the question which is the day of and how that can be a nightmare which I- -I have seen [Laughs] and what happens with that is a lot of times there's just you know--well I guess the saying is too many cooks in the kitchen where too many people are involved. You really need a point person and that is what the coordinator is there for and too many people telling the different vendors different places to deliver things at different times and to the lack of organization and that's why--again why the wedding planner needs to be involved in the beginning if you do hire one--because the wedding planner--he or she is the point person for that day. And they need to have the timeline of the day and they need to be the authority in saying no, this goes here and this goes there; and the only person who has the right to change anything would be the wedding coordinator and that's based on what the bride or groom or their family says. So it really is--those are the-- kind of like the biggest problems, just too many--too many people trying to tell the different vendors what to do and they get confused and then one person is mad because something wasn't--the cake wasn't delivered at you know Noon and--and then it gets delivered at two but it was supposed to be delivered at two in the first place, so it




just creates this added stress to an already stressful day and that just tends to definitely wreak havoc on--on the family and on the planner. Interviewer: Right, right; and we also want this to be helpful for those who are already out there as wedding consultants, so say I am a wedding consultant and just out of curiosity is--is there a process of seeking out clients at all? And if so, what are the suggestions for finding clients? Do you network or how does that work? Catherine Porterfield: For finding clients--definitely networking. It is going to all the different bridal shows that take place which are--you know can be at convention centers. Actually DC has many but most large cities do as well--but going to--going to different bridal shows and just you know getting your name out there, definitely have business cards printed out so that you have all your contact information that you can give to people going, and then if you want to do something even smaller than going to these large you know bridal shows then it would be going--going to your local dress shops, going to florists, getting your name out there; this is what I like to do and you know this is what I'm doing and I'm looking for more clients. Establish a relationship with those vendors because it kind of works--if you--you know if they refer you then you know in the future you'll refer them for a wedding. And so it's again networking not only meeting new you know families and brides and grooms but also working with the vendor relationship because then if you have a good relationship with them it's going to benefit both of you. So that's another really big way to--to get your name out there. And then it's also you know word of mouth; it's--you have to be careful when you're at a wedding but--you can't really obviously go up to ask who may be engaged and give out business cards, but if you do a really good job then your bride and groom will refer you to somebody else and so then you can build word of mouth that way. I've received most of my jobs actually from people who were at weddings that I coordinated and they then in turn called me, you know. Either they got engaged months later and they followed up with the wedding--the bride and the groom of the wedding where they were or they are engaged at the




time and will either contact me themselves or the bride and groom will contact me and ask me to give the information out. So those are the-- the biggest ways. And another way to kind of help with that and I always like to do a--kind of a wrap-up meeting with the bride and groom and just like to ask them what they thought worked and what they thought didn't work. And then I also ask them would they be willing to be a reference and--so that I can then use them and know that they're willing to speak positively about me and to hopefully use them and--and ask for them and for their help in the future in--in obtaining new clients. Interviewer: Great; now you--we've--we've touched on vendors a little bit. Do you have any tips on selecting them? Like speaking for yourself, do you work with a certain set or do you customize them for each wedding? How does the--the vendor selection work? Catherine Porterfield: I customize them for each wedding. I typically kind of start with the--the caterer is the biggest vendor that you're going to work with, so I--you know obviously would love to work with the people that I know well and have worked with in the past and I've had positive working relationships with--experiences with in previous weddings. And so what I'll typically do is I will suggest but you know each--but maybe what I--obviously what I want and what the--the couple wants are going to be two different things sometimes and so trying to figure out what they want. Do they want a seated dinner? Do they want just you know light hors d'oeuvres? Do they--is it going to be kind of a cocktail reception? Is it you know a--a brunch? So you have to find and--and kind of pick what the--the bridge and groom want and then you base your--your decision and your recommendations on that. So it's not always the same people that you work with; it's different and it's sometimes--and then it's also mixing and matching. I may use a particular caterer but then I have a group of florists. I'm going to pick a different florist and maybe that florist and that caterer have never worked together but they're the best match for the particular client I have. And because of their styles and what they're able to give and also the prices that they're able to give;




so you have to kind of pick and choose. It all depends on the client but the best thing to do is just at least hopefully you've worked with them at some point in the past and if you haven't then I really think it's important to get out there and just make time and to meet with the-- the new vendor that you'll be working with and try to establish a relationship prior to the event because again it will make everything smoothly. Interviewer: Great; now the timeline--describe for us like the general wedding planning time or the ideal--like what are some helpful tips for--for developing out, mapping out this schedule? Catherine Porterfield: It's typically about a year; most engagements are--I would say on average are about a year. I think it's really important--I just you know--I actually tell the--the bride and groom, when they first contact me I ask you know how long they've been engaged and sometimes they--you know they're calling a wedding planner the day after or the day of and I say why don't you just sit and--and think about what you want for a week or two. You-- you have plenty of time and think about you know a date and you know around--different dates that are available and when you want to get married and things like that because the wedding process is so-- it's fun yet it is a kind of year of just something always weighing on their mind, and it's really important I think to take the time in the beginning to really focus on--just got engaged, have fun with it, and just really appreciate where you are in your life. So I would just kind of try to throw that out there in the beginning. And then you know we come back and we visit the timeline of wedding planning, and that is typically--it is about a year. The important thing is to pick probably two or three dates that work. So that's kind of the first thing; so you're looking at what time of year you're--you're going to be working with. That way when you go to your reception site and your ceremony site if they're at two different places and you're able to be flexible with--they may already have something booked, so that way you've got a little bit more flexibility and you really want to book your--the church or the ceremony site and the reception site as early as




possible, so that's the first thing that I do. And I'd say typically you want to do that--most places seem to get booked about at least anywhere from a year to nine or eight months out; so the earlier the better that you can do that. And again having the multiple dates makes it you know--allows for some flexibility and I think a better chance of being able to get the venue that you want. The next biggest thing which comes pretty close to--to picking out the reception site and the ceremony site would be if it is a--if it's not an on-site caterer, if you're allowed to bring in an outside caterer, pick your caterer. They basically--with the wedding planner, the--the two kind of run the show, so you really want to make sure that you get the caterer that you want for your event--for your wedding. So I also just try to knock out those three big ones from the very beginning. And then from there on out I find that it is really helpful to- -to try to make all the big decisions--lock in your florist, lock in your-- you know band or DJ--whatever kind of music that you want--your trio or--or quartet--whatever you want and just try to lock everything in so you have everyone committed as early as possible, so you know who you're working with and then from there you kind of work on more specific things--what songs you want and things like that. You've got plenty of time to focus on that stuff throughout the rest of the--of the engagement, throughout the rest of the year but try to lock everyone in that you want as early as possible. And what I mean by that is after you've picked the--the big ceremony site and reception site and--and caterer, you basically want to make the rest of your decisions probably within I'd say eight to six months out, as much--I think kind of makes it a little less stressful for the--the rest of the time. And then what you end up doing--because all these other vendors obviously have weddings in between, you kind of touch base with them and follow up with them and then you really start working with them really, really closely again I'd say probably three months out as far as picking you know specific songs and things like that. So you really start working with all those and doing the exact flowers--that's about three months out, and then you obviously have more contact as the date nears.




Interviewer: Great; so would you say this is the responsibility of the couple or is the consultant also involved in the timeline development? Catherine Porterfield: I'd say that the--you know again it depends on how involved the couple wants to be as far as--and how much involvement they want the wedding planner to have but I definitely think it is--the wedding planner should guide the couple as far as the timeline goes just so they know, so they're not trying to book you know a DJ two months out before the wedding. So I think it is the role--definitely the role of the planner to at least talk to them about the wedding timeline and what do you have, you know here's--here's my suggestions as far as when you really need to have everything booked by. And then try for everyone to be involved throughout the entire process, so that you know--both parties know what decisions have been made and what still need to be made and what's still left hanging that needs to be taken care of. Interviewer: Great; now what are--are there any resources like online or anywhere that they can go to assist them in developing a timeline? Catherine Porterfield: I actually think that the best places that I've found in--in recent years with the online resources are www.theknot.com which is k-n-o-t dot com and www.weddingchannel.com, because they can give kind of general information but then they also have information on you know your specific area and they'll have highlighted vendors on there and people for you to contact and they also with that will have great timelines as far as you know when is a good time to you know call your--if you want to hire your--your music--okay, here's a good time to call and then they'll have a link to--do you want to look at local--you know music selections and different bands, DJs, and who's available and then you know typically people you know pay money to advertise on there and be one of the suggested vendors, so if they have money to advertise [as to] website, they're--they're doing something right, so those are pretty--pretty reliable sources I've found in the past.




Interviewer: Great; let's talk a little bit about location. We're definitely noticing a movement beyond the traditional church setting, so--so what can we attribute the evolution of location choices over time? Catherine Porterfield: I think it's a matter of people are definitely steering away from traditional church weddings or temple weddings-- things like that. People want maybe to get married in a place a little bit more personal to--to their family or to the bride and groom, and I think people again--it's these personalized weddings--and they want to go someplace that really means something special to them, and if it's not church then it's--or whatever particular religious background they have then it's something that they want to do you know--if they love the beach, they want to be out by the water; it's just--and it's also more fun; I feel like they--in the minds of--of the bride and groom for their guests and it makes it again more of an experience. So I think that's definitely why there are more of these--there are many places now that you--ceremonies at--at the reception site and then you're off--you're at kind of an outdoor venue and then you come indoors for the reception. So it's also a lot easier to--logistically to coordinate having a wedding and a--and the reception at the same venue; you don't have to figure out how you're going to get the bridal party from one to the other. You don't have this huge kind of lag time between when all of your guests arrive at the reception place before the bride and groom and the bridal party show up. It kind of makes just for an easier flow and I think the brides and grooms notice that and so that's another reason that kind of helps just to do everything together. They kind of want to do king of like one-stop shopping, just kind of have everything at once and it just makes everything easier. Interviewer: Right; now in addition to the--the one-stop shop choice are there any other trends that you've noticed recently that you thought oh hey that's a novel idea or something that you've planned that it's also a current trend with regard to a--a unique or location? Catherine Porterfield: People are definitely picking places you know




again very, very personal and it's either--a lot of places I have noticed have been where children used to go when they were little on family vacations. I've definitely seen that--a huge trend in that and also people getting married at a parent's home or a relative's home or something like that because they wanted to have--have a very personal touch and then they'll have--you know rent a tent or do something; they'll find a way to--to add on but it's something again pulling into that personalized feeling. And some people will--will want to do something really big but they'll want to make it personal, so it's you know doing something that has some kind of memory link to it and that will kind of be the theme of the wedding. If it's a destination or if it's at home--that's basically as personal as they can get, so they'll--they'll do that and those have been really, really beautiful weddings just because it is so personal and it really reflects the couple and their families. Interviewer: Right; now in addition to the--the one-stop shop choice, are there any other trends that you've noticed recently that you thought oh hey that's a novel idea or something that you've planned that is also a current trend with regard to a--a unique or location? Catherine Porterfield: I just schedule location--also like I said logistically someplace that's able to--to hold and accommodate all the guests that you have--that it's able to have a ceremony and a reception at the same time where you don't have to see--many places say that they can do that but it's also making sure that you know--but a lot of times you--basically you'll be in the ceremony room which is going to become the--one of the rooms for dinner or it's going to be the reception room and you basically watch the caterer have to break down the--the chairs and set up tables or high tops and things like that, which kind of takes away a little bit from the experience. So make sure it's a place where there's--you know you're able to flow so there's--there's space enough at the venue to go from the ceremony to go into another side of the venue you know to enjoy cocktails and then you can go back into the same room where the ceremony was




and now it's a beautiful dining room. So make sure it's you know-- there's some place that's able to--to accommodate the flow and do both the ceremony and the reception without the guests having to see the room being reset I think would be something else. And as far as you know doing destination and things like that, most places now are really you know--it's the huge trend and even if it doesn't mean that it's a personalized thing--it's something everyone wants you know-- I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been there; let's get married in Hawaii. I think hotels are really, really helpful with that and resorts because they do so many; so that's another way--just make sure that you work with someone who--who has done many weddings in the past and they know what they're doing if you're working with them and you're from such a--a long distance. Interviewer: Great; now let's talk etiquette for a little while. Does good wedding etiquette vary from area to area, for example you know north versus southern upbringing and you know traditional values? What would be the best place to find out you know what the traditions and expectations are in a given--in a given area or you know shed-- shed some light on that. Catherine Porterfield: Again the two weddings that I mentioned earlier, the knot (www.theknot.com) and wedding channel dot com (www.weddingchannel.com), both have--are great, great resources for that. They are because it kind of gives you just you know the quick and dirty of it but everything that you need to know about what the differences are because there are definitely differences. What--you know and I found like in the northeast a black tie wedding can start at you know 4:30 or 5:00 or 5:30; it's basically you know implied if it's at that time and it's--you know that it's black tie optional. However, in the south that's not the case. Sometimes it can be not black tie until it's after 8 o'clock or--or things like that. So you really have to make sure that you--you kind of do your research and then also--but sometimes it's also you know--as the families are determining what they want it could be two in the afternoon and they want a black tie wedding. So it's making sure that you are looking at the--you can go to the knot (www.theknot.com) and the wedding channel dot com




(www.weddingchannel.com) as the--as the wedding planner or as the bride and groom just to make sure you're doing the proper etiquette and then if you're changing it to make it personal, if it's 2 o'clock which is not typically--if you're the bride and groom--groom and it's-- you're going to have a 2 o'clock wedding and you want it to be black tie make sure you, you--it's your responsible to communicate that to your guests because they're going to have no way to know that otherwise. So it kind of goes both ways; but there are definite--but the rules of etiquette and everything that--that was traditional like I mentioned before is--is definitely changing, so again it is the rule of the bride and groom I think to communicate that they're doing something out of the norm to--to make sure that--that everyone knows and to make sure that they communicate that either through their--[say the] date or if they send out packets about--informational packets about the wedding to let everyone know you know instead of gifts please make a donation to this charity, which has become a new thing or things like that. So if it's personalized, make sure the bride and groom communicate--communicates it in the family and then if it's just kind of some standards as far as what's just been going on for the past 50 years and the proper etiquette you can definitely to--to different websites and they will give you a good idea of--of what you need to do and--and how the wedding will be depending on where the wedding is. Interviewer: Great; now in addition to you know depending on the time of the wedding are there any other good rules of thumb about dressing to attend a wedding? Catherine Porterfield: You know I always say that it's probably better to be a little bit more dressed up than under-dressed definitely and you basically--it's just again typically again--like I've found any wedding that is before 3 o'clock is just you know--it's kind of like a--I don't even want to call it cocktail attire because that's even too fancy. It's almost like a sundress typically. Interviewer: Right.




Catherine Porterfield: And men should always bring jackets and if no one else is wearing a jacket that's fine; you know it could be a sports coat, just put it over your arm, but at least you're prepared and always you know err on the side of being over-dressed than under- dressed. Anything in the afternoon and when it gets to be between like a 4 and 7 o'clock hour, cocktail typically works. Even black-tie now cocktail you know really, really is fine and--and then basically when it's black-tie optional, again it's--it's optional. So I would say even if you're not going to wear a--a tux at least wear like a dark jacket and that kind of--or a dark suit and that makes you blend in. Don't do the sports coat and khaki pants but do something a little bit more [inaudible] so that way it looks you know like you're--you're trying for the optional or you're trying for the tux but you didn't quite go there, but you're still okay with just wearing a dark suit. Interviewer: Right; so can women wear pants to a wedding? Catherine Porterfield: I definitely think pants are appropriate; typically a pantsuit is a little bit better and sequins are something that's a little bit hard. You have to see how many--because sequins can really obviously jazz up an outfit, so it kind of maybe--you make it almost a little too over the top for a wedding and so you know just make--if it's a pantsuit make sure it's nice; it can have some sequins on it but you know you don't want to be decked out and full on sequins. And another huge thing that's still true anywhere is that you should not wear--as a guest you do not wear a white dress. It's still not appropriate for that--even--even dresses that have--if they have a lot of flowers or some kind of pattern on it with white that's fine; but even--if it's mainly white and it's got a little bit of pattern on it I still say that's not--that's not appropriate. Interviewer: Okay; well how about the bride though? Does she always have to wear white? Catherine Porterfield: She does not have to wear white--nope, not




at all especially if it's a second wedding or third wedding. A lot of times the bride will not wear white; a lot of times she won't even really wear a full bridal gown. She--she will just wear even a white pantsuit or just like a simple white dress or a colored dress, whatever color she wants; it really doesn't matter. So--and a lot of times when it's the first time you know--it's just depending on the style of the wedding and the theme of the wedding you know. It's the bride's--it's the--it's their day, so they have every decision you know--every right to say I don't want to wear this and they get to choose what they want to wear; so-- . Interviewer: Right; now what are some unique wedding ideas that you've come across that are pretty popular? Catherine Porterfield: I've had a lot of themed weddings, so some are--I recently just kind of coordinated a circus theme wedding and at this wedding they actually had some animals from the local pet store come out--some snakes and it was--you know it was a little shocking for some but you know they're obviously all with someone from the store as kind of manning them and controlling the animals, but it was just kind of giving to this like you know feel--to the circus feel of the wedding and then instead of hiring a trio, the couple actually hired a trapeze artist to kind of swing from one part of the ballroom and it really just kind of made it a different kind of fun event. And then each- -you know table kind of had a circus theme to go with it and they were wearing bright colors so that was something really fun. Another big trend I've actually found are people trying to do--instead of gifts would be to do kind of a--have a table at the side of the room that really reflects the couple. Some couples they love candy; they'll do huge candy bars that they'll--after the cake is cut--that people will put out and it will--a lot of times they'll have these big glass martini--martini glasses I'm sorry that are you know about three-feet tall and really, really deep and they'll have you know candy in them with a scoop, so people get to go home and put you know--get the little bags and put a big bag of candy together that they can take home with them after the--the wedding. And with that then the bride and groom will kind of




incorporate candy throughout. Maybe it's in their centerpieces on the-- the tables or kind of included on their stationery or on their--if they're doing a seated dinner they'll have--maybe have a cute little candy design on the name cards. So it's--you know it's making it personalized but then what that means can be different things--circus theme, candy theme, or--or if you can't--another thing--if you--if you can't afford to have a destination wedding, we'll bring that destination to wherever you are getting married. So if you love going to Nantucket, you can't actually bring everyone to Nantucket, but what you can do is you could have each table you know instead of it being table one, table two--have it named you know something--a different part of Nantucket or a different restaurant in Nantucket that you like to go to and kind of make it a--a nautical theme. So there's--there are different ways to do that, but it's--a lot of themed weddings just are really, really fun to plan. You can get really creative with that. Interviewer: Do you find that that's something that's happening more now than say 20 years ago? Catherine Porterfield: Definitely; I think 20 years ago it was very you know--it was more just--it was very basic. It wasn't--there weren't all these options. Of course now it's such an industry and not only for the wedding planners but for the vendors themselves, you know the flowers--the florists and the--the caterers and the band that everyone has to be able to--to do these different things and to be able to accommodate all these different requests. So I think it's definitely much more of a trend than you know 20 years ago, 30 years ago it was you know you just get a white cake with flowers on it, you--you have a dress and you hire a band and it's still beautiful; it's just there weren't all these options that there are--there are now. Interviewer: Great, great; now I have a question about in terms of the children as--as guests at the reception. Should they be allowed to attend the wedding or reception and you know what are sort of--the rules of thumb around that? You know some folks have alcohol at their reception and that introduces an issue, so what are--what are some of




the rules of thumb with regard to decision-making around that? Catherine Porterfield: As far as children goes, my advice is to--if you are not going to allow children then you have to stick that across the board. [I find] the only really exception could be if they're--if you have a flower girl or ring bearer and you want them to--to come to the reception for a little bit then that's fine because they're in the bridal party but if you start making exceptions for people--for other people aside from those children who are in the bridal party you're going to get into--it just--it's a really gray area and it's just easier to be cut and dry and just say you know what? No children are allowed; adults only and that just--that just makes it fair because it--it is a different environment if there are children around. So if--if the bride and groom do not want children then they need to be very clear about that and they need to--to let it be known so that the--their guests can make the proper or necessary arrangements especially if they have to travel and figure out what they can do with their children so they can attend the wedding. Now what some brides and grooms do is that they do provide or hire depending on--they kind of do like a poll and say okay well who is going to be traveling with children or who will need some baby-sitters or some assistance, and the bride and groom will then take care of you know getting a room or two either at the--at a hotel, which is the main hotel where all the guests are staying, or maybe at the venue itself and the--maybe the--there will be a side room or something that-- that's far away from the reception site and they'll have--they'll take care of making sure that there are baby-sitters--enough baby-sitters for the number of children that they have and making sure the children are fed and there's you know videotapes or books and toys to play with. They'll sometimes do that. Now if the bride and groom decide they want it to be a kid- friendly wedding and people are allowed to bring their--their children then there's two options. One is to have the children be part of the ceremony and the reception the entire time, and they can sit in the




same you know dining room with the rest of the bridal party and the-- the rest of the guests and they can either sit with their parents or they can have a children's table. And typically people who do that also provide depending on the age of the children toys--you know crayons, maybe a coloring book--things to entertain the children because it's you know obviously geared more towards adults as far as the reception goes. Or another option would be again to rent another room and kind of have a big party room and also you know serve all the children meals and that way the children can kind of come and go as they please and you know come out and dance--the dance floor at the reception if they want but then they also have their own room and maybe they'll be--entertain themselves being in a room with a bunch of other children their own age. So those are you know the two different options but again, make it very clear if you're going to have children--that's--that's great, let that be known; if not, definitely communicate that you--that children are not invited and not welcome at the--at the reception and obviously phrase it in a very you know friendly, politically-correct way but just--just say that you know it's a late reception or it's--or we just--no children are going to be allowed at this time. And that's totally--otherwise completely appropriate. So--and as far as the--the alcohol at weddings, again it is--it's up to the bride and groom what they want to do. It's--more receptions do have alcohol. Now what you--it doesn't mean you have to have a full bar; you can just have beer and wine, you can just have wine, and then some people just have champagne and then some people have liquor and martini bars and a lot--another trend is making these custom drinks that kind of go with the theme of the wedding; you know for the--the circus wedding it was the cotton candy martini, so you can do whatever you want. It--it really depends--again it depends on the theme of the wedding and what the bride and groom want from this wedding. And--but it's not--it is--it is definitely acceptable to--to have it be a dry wedding. Interviewer: Great; once again we have Catherine Porterfield discussing wedding planning and we're discussing etiquette. And my next question would be with regard to the registry. Is it too forward or




is it commonplace to include gift registry information in the shower invitations for the--for the bride? Catherine Porterfield: [Sighs] You know now days it's more people are incorporating that on there because since the shower is being thrown by you know either a friend or family member of the bride and groom, so it makes it a little bit more acceptable for them to announce that where the couple is--is registered. It's not you know the bride and groom coming out and saying this is where you know--we have--we're registered for gifts; please bring us something. So it is acceptable; I actually--I think what I prefer personally is that now there are all these personalized websites and you can have The Wedding Website, and the bride and groom can set it up and then now it's so easy for people to go to and it gives you know travel directions and it gives you know lodging information and it gives the time of the wedding--any-- any kind of event details and then some obviously go into more information about whether you know--how the couple met and photos and things like that and lists the bridal party. But I think well the best thing to do as far--with the registry is that on there the registry can be listed; you can go--there are usually links that take you directly to the different registries at the different stores and then what you can do is on these invitations and--and just say for more information about you know John and Barbara's wedding please visit their website and have a link to the website. I think that's a little bit--a little bit more tactful than to have it, because you know it's not just saying go check out the registry. It's saying here's more information about the event and there you know everyone can get the information that they need. I think that is--with how things are in this day and age and with you know the internet being just commonplace I think it's--it's the best way and the tactful way to get that information out there. Interviewer: Great; now for the wedding party at the ceremony itself, some people might consider it a little tacky to have two best men and two matrons or maids of honor. How do you feel about that? Catherine Porterfield: I think what's important--and again you




know now that these weddings are so personalized and you can kind of do what you want, I think the biggest thing is--it's fine if you want to have two best men or two you know matrons of honor or a matron of honor and a maid of honor. It's--it's more important to have two than to cause some kind of rift in your family or your friends, but I would say that if the groom is going to have two then the bride should have two--kind of try to match that on both sides. It just kind of makes everything more equal. Interviewer: Great, great; now we're going to talk about footing the bill for a little bit here. Catherine Porterfield: Okay. [Laughs] Interviewer: You know this--this comes up all the time. Who--what are the--are there rules of thumb at all for who is going to pay for the rehearsal dinner, who gets the wedding, who gets the honeymoon, you know those--those types of things? Catherine Porterfield: Traditionally it has been that the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner and then the bride's family pays for the wedding ceremony and reception, and then the honeymoon-- the honeymoon has kind of gone both ways. It can be either that it's-- it's you know been kind of a gift and money goes towards it as a gift from both the groom's parents and the bride's parent. Now days that's all kind of just like blown out of the water; it is really--a lot of times couples are paying for the wedding themselves because they feel bad asking their parents for money and so then maybe one parent--so then if they're paying for it themselves, the one family--side of the family--the groom's family will--will do the rehearsal dinner and the bride's family will then pay for the honeymoon. Sometimes it really--it just varies depending on your financial situation and--and how the families interact and how close they are and things like that. Sometimes both the groom's family and the bride's family will pay for the wedding; they'll split it 50/50 and they'll pay for the rehearsal dinner 50/50 and the same for the--for the honeymoon. And sometimes it will be that the bride and groom say okay you guys can




split the overall cost of the--the wedding weekend and we'll pay for the honeymoon ourselves. And sometimes all three are paying--the bride's family, the groom's family, and the bride and groom themselves. It really just depends. What's important I think though is that making sure that the bride and groom acknowledge those who have paid for that particular event. For example, if the groom's family does pay for the rehearsal dinner, make sure when you get up and give you toast at the beginning and you're--you know and you're saying thank you, make sure you thank them. That's not both of our families but thank them for that. And the next day you know if the--if the bride's family does pay for the wedding, thank the bride--again we've been to a rehearsal dinner that everyone who couldn't--was not invited to the rehearsal dinner hears you know Mr. So and So, thank you for planning last night and for hosting that last night and today thank you, you know to the bride's family for--for this wonderful event. You know the--the two events together have made for such a wonderful special weekend, making sure that they're being recognized and thanked because it really is--aside from the financial contribution and the responsibility it's a big deal and they want to make it special for--for the bride and groom, so make sure that they're recognized and thanked publicly. Interviewer: And do you think that the same applies with regard to out of town guests and--and destination weddings? You know we find that--that happens a lot and sometimes people might say that the bride and the groom should foot the bill for those who are coming in from out of town or if they're having something you know abroad, you know they should cover costs. How do--is there a rule of thumb around that as well? Catherine Porterfield: I--honestly I don't--I don't think there really is--I think what the--what the rule is that the bride and groom are not expected to pay for everyone but they do expect that not everyone will be able to afford to come. They know that their numbers may not be so high and for those who do foot the bill and do come, really making




sure that they're well taken care of. I mean that's the kind of thing where if it is a destination wedding you definitely need to make sure that--I think it's important to have you know gift baskets at the different you know hotels or wherever they're staying for the out of town guests--just have water, you know some snacks--things like that--maps of ways to get around, some kind of highlights of the area where they are, things to check out and see, a personalized note from the--the bride and groom, potentially their families thanking them for- -for coming and for--for taking the time and the effort to being there for their special weekend and just really again making sure that each guest feels valued and that--and that they are clearly showing how much they appreciate the guests being there and all the length and-- and effort they went to--to be there with them for their special day. As far as rehearsal dinner goes for a destination wedding, it-- basically everyone who has traveled should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. Or typically if it's a hometown wedding you just do the bridal party and some family members and people who really kind of need to be there and you try to keep it as small as possible. For a destination wedding it's pretty much the same people who are going to be at the wedding the next day at the party before--at the rehearsal dinner. Make sure they're invited because they need to be taken care of that entire weekend. Interviewer: Great. Catherine Porterfield: Make sure the travel plans are also included- -that you have shuttles or you have whatever it needs--they need to get from wherever they're staying to the--the ceremony and reception. Make sure that you've got accommodations and then travel plans taking care of that for them. Interviewer: Great; now if there is one, what would you say is the number one wedding etiquette rule that is absolutely most important? Catherine Porterfield: The number one--honestly it's--it's don't be




late to--to [Laughs] the ceremony. It's--it's a lot of people who come in late and--and it's that and the cell phones. It's--I know those sound like two small little things but it really makes--. The ceremony is a very special moment and to either come in late and you know most places in order to get into the room where the ceremony is you know they've got these heavy doors. There's really no quiet way to make your entrance, so and--and when the ceremony is taking place the doors are closed; you have to open them and it's just--it's noticed. So if you're running really late just--and at that point my advice is just skip the ceremony and go to the reception because otherwise you're going to make too much of an entrance. And then the cell phone, a lot of you know officiates will now say please you know make sure to turn off your cell phone, so it doesn't ring in the middle; but it--you know a lot of people still forget to do it or--and that's I mean just very, very tacky and it's--it's a very common thing but it really does--I mean people are mortified when their phones go off and then usually especially if it's a family member or something then everyone gives them a hard time and it's just--just--just--either don't bring your phone or just turn it off. Interviewer: Yeah. Catherine Porterfield: That's the latest--you know the latest trend in 2006. Interviewer: Yeah, technology? Catherine Porterfield: Yeah, definitely. Interviewer: So let's talk catering; let's talk about some food. What are some of your tips or facts that you can offer with regard to you know finding a good caterer? A lot of folks have to deal with picky guests with deciding what to serve. Wonder what's some general advice you can offer with regard to the catering selection?




Catherine Porterfield: The general advice I have to offer, I would say first off in picking a caterer--catering can make or break your wedding 100-percent because it is--they're the ones who are responsible for the setup and the breakdown; they're the ones who-- this actually goes into another kind of etiquette from the planning side--one of the biggest problems that can happen is that if the caterer you know--for example they're responsible for setting up the tables. If they don't set up enough chairs at a table that's a huge--huge problem and it is such an awkward situation for guests to show up and they don't have a seat. And so they either have to you know bring--rush another place setting and another chair or sometimes they have to wheel in a whole other table; I mean that causes--it looks horrible. So again making sure that you pick a caterer who really is--you know you--you want to pick someone who's done plenty of weddings because again, like it can make or break your--your ceremony and your reception. So make sure they know what they're doing--constant communication with them once you've--you've picked them is also very, very key; but to go back--I'm getting ahead of myself--to go back to picking a caterer I also just feel like caterers should--should basically I mean--I mean jump through hoops to get the particular clients they have as the wedding coordinator should, and really be there and do whatever the bride and groom want. Obviously you give advice; if the bride and groom want something that's--that's not you know appropriate or not feasible, be able to advise them and give them the best kind of solutions or alternate methods of--of getting what they want, but they really just need to be accommodating and trustworthy and again upfront get some referrals, look at pictures, look at sample menus, see the number of weddings they've done-- specifically the number of weddings they've done within the guest range that you're going to have for your wedding and then again call those references and just kind of do as much research as you can before actually hiring the caterer. Also look and see how willing they are to be flexible with your schedule as far as if you do have many people who have specific diets and--and how they're able to accommodate that and what they're able to do, what solutions they're able to offer and see also what they're




able to do about if you want something specific or again, like I mentioned--with--with--there are these now-themed drinks. Are they able to do these themed drinks? Are they able to you know do something creative and fun that goes along with the theme that you happened to have had in your head for your wedding and make sure that they're able to meet all the needs that you have. And I also think it's important--definitely taste the food. We--I say interview you know anywhere from like six to eight caterers and then from there go to a tasting with probably two or three and then base your choice on that and--and then--and so food is obviously extremely important. Make sure you like the food and also just make sure again that they're able to meet all the needs that you have for what you want for your specific wedding. Interviewer: Okay; let's talk about the wedding cake itself. How do you decide what kind of cake is best from taste, you know what size, what design; are--are some more popular than others? Catherine Porterfield: I think some definitely are more popular than others. The ones I basically have just dealt with honestly are very--are either very simple cakes that are just you know--they're not--they're not--they're tiered but they don't actually have the tiers with them, so they're a layered cake--circles, pretty simple, usually you know three different layers to it and then--or there's really actually a huge trend and [it's called] abstract like Alice in Wonderland looking cakes that are--almost look like they're lopsided and one is like a lopsided square and then you've kind of got like a circle and then you've got you know like a little kind of sphere at the top, so--and each one has got a different pattern on it, but two completely different styles but they're both--they've both become really, really popular. And with the--as far as the--the taste--the tasting goes, obviously do that when you are picking out your cake and you can--basically if you've got different layers, you can have different--you know you can have a chocolate layer or you can have you know just basic vanilla or--or almond flavored or you--and then you have the kinds of different creams in them and--most--most large bakeries can pretty much make whatever




kind you want. If you want a carrot cake and then you want you know the German chocolate layer--that's totally acceptable; they can do that. Some smaller cake shops only have like five or six to choose from and you can pick that out you know and you--you're limited in choice, but technically the cost is less if it's a smaller shop. However, I do think obviously tasting is the most important and obviously looking at plenty of pictures and seeing you know what their--their work is like and--and what they've done and normally when you go to the cake shop they actually should have some samples--sample cakes out for you to see that they have done in the past or that they're going to be using for an upcoming wedding or something. So that way you can see it in person. And kind of--one of my biggest kind of little secrets I guess would be that if the bride and groom, if they don't want to pay--you know spend a lot of money on the cake and one thing you can do and this can save them some money would be to get a--find out what the minimum sized cake is that you can--that you can order. Typically you know if you want one just to cut so you can you know kind of do that tradition that's fine. And then normally the smallest I'd say is about a 25 to 35-person cake; you can get that with whatever design you want and then when you pick the flavor of cake you want just have the--the bakery make a sheet cake of that flavor in the back so that when the caterer serves it you know no one will ever know that it didn't come from this one on display but you're saving some money that way. So it's kind of like a little trick of the trade that you learn-- Interviewer: Clever. [Laughs] Catherine Porterfield: --so you kind of can cut some corners that way. Interviewer: Yeah, yeah; what about just going all out on your own and making your own cake? Are there pros or cons associated with that?




Catherine Porterfield: If you really want to, if you're a--a chef or some kind of baker or pastry chef that's great but I just think you know weddings--weddings--obviously you're doing that the day before your wedding. Your mind is not playing you know--does not want to worry about making your wedding cake and the stress of that is--in my opinion the day before your wedding. So generally I--I think it's not a good idea but if someone has their heart set on it and they're willing to handle it then that's fine; but typically I've never encountered that and I do not recommend it. I think it's--I think it would just be way too stressful, because it's hard--and then if it doesn't work out it's--you're going to be getting a cake from the local grocery store and you're--you don't really have a backup. Interviewer: Let's talk about the--the groom's cake. Some folks have never even heard of this phenomenon or part of--or part of the-- part of the day. What is it? When is it presented? How did this whole thing start and is it necessary? Catherine Porterfield: Not necessary and it was really popular I'd say about like probably 50 years ago and then now it's really becoming popular again. And what seems to be popular is it's a very personalized cake. For example, I went to you know--I did a wedding where the groom loved chocolate chip cookies, so his cake was a big-- looked like a big chocolate chip cookie. The other one has--they have-- you know the bride and groom had a cat that--that kind of everyone-- it was part of the family and everyone--you know all the friends and family knew this cat, so the shape was in--was the shape of this cat. Another wedding I did the husband was--or the groom was a sculptor so they put one of his--he did trees, sculpted these beautiful kind of like trees and he would put that in the middle of his cake and he made his cake--it was a tiramisu cake and that was his favorite kind of dessert, so again these very personalized bachelor or groom cakes-- excuse me--they're a huge, huge trend and they're definitely coming back. And typically how they are presented they can either be--for most places they're just out on display the whole time. There may be




an opposite room for where the wedding cake is but they're just out for everyone to see. There's no presentation and they don't even really serve the cake; it's typically just cut and then after the--the bride and groom have cut their wedding cake then the--the groom's cake is just cut and kind of placed on the table and if someone wants a slice or piece of that cake they just go get it themselves. It's not served from table to table, but again it's a huge, huge trend coming back. Interviewer: Great; now let's talk flowers. Catherine Porterfield: Okay. Interviewer: Go to a happy place. Catherine Porterfield: [Laughs] Interviewer: What flowers should you use and what are some that you should never use? Catherine Porterfield: There--you know there--there are really-- there--there--any flower is acceptable, however obviously it kind of goes by seasons or what's in style or--sorry what's in bloom and what's not. And you can see definitely do seasonal flowers; there are some like someone would say carnations are--are totally you know-- they're not appropriate. They're not allowed. But you know what? They're making a comeback too, so sometimes they are included. It really just again depends on the theme of the wedding. My rule of flowers is if someone is really, really particular about the--your flowers obviously go with your color scheme. So what you do is that you either--the bride and groom kind of will pick--if--if they more--are more into what the bridesmaids are going to wear and the color of the linen and things like that, make those decisions first, and then go to your flowers. If you're very into your flowers and what you want your centerpieces to look like and what you want your bouquets to look like, pick your flowers and then pick your--everything else to




go around that. So you kind of just have to see what's more important to you, weigh that, and then whatever your decision is either pick your flowers first or pick your flowers based on your linens and your bridesmaids dresses and your kind of--your overall color theme. Interviewer: Great. Catherine Porterfield: And flowers again you know a lot of times you know in the summer it's a hydrangea and in the winter you know it's kind of harder to get hydrangea; you can use white ones but it's a little bit more--little bit more difficult to get those. So and your colors- -definitely kind of also go with the--the season that it is; fall typically a little bit more you know--you've got these oranges and browns and reds and greens; in the winter definitely a lot of red and white and green or some blues in there; and then you know spring is pastel and then summer is bright colors--yellows, purples--things like that. It doesn't mean that--that has to be the case; but that's typically how it is done. Interviewer: Great; now the--the centerpieces, what are some examples of creative ideas of--of floral centerpieces that have worked for you or that you've seen? Do they--do they have to match the bouquets or what are some tips for those--the centerpieces? Catherine Porterfield: They definitely do not have to match the bouquets--in the same color, you know kind of family but they can be different flowers, they can be you know--they can be completely--you know completely different flowers but even just one of the same colors you know. Just make sure that it's somehow linked to the--to the bridesmaids and to their dresses and the bouquets that they held but you know as long as there's one connecting color so that you can kind of see how they all go together in some small way that's all that is necessary. And different things to do would be you know to have some tables have you know--some tables could have like big topiaries, which are you know--or--or large vases; they've got these really tall kind of like a free-flowing type of centerpieces and then have other tables have very short, small ones; that gives--kind of gives the room height




and also kind of gives different kind of texture to the entire room because you're able to--to kind of just do different things and it kind of pops all over but it's not overwhelming. You don't have all these huge you know vases and centerpieces on every single table; so it's a nice balance. Another thing to do would be incorporate fruit. That's kind of another big trend; so you kind of have this--mix the--the flower pieces come a little bit more alive. You can--a lot of lemons are popular or limes or apples--kind of depending on what your--your theme is and the color of your flowers. That's something else you can be creative with; sometimes people put pictures in with the flowers, so that--you know like little--you know one picture will be coming out or they'll-- they'll have kind of frames around the centerpieces and then just small flowers and that way again it's making the table really personalized and--and kind of you know that way you don't have to use as many flowers. The flower is definitely also a big part of the budget depending on what you do and centerpieces are really, really--they can--it can add up. So finding ways and obviously to use more fruits and things like that and then that also takes away from the number of flowers that you're buying; so that's another I think [inaudible] increasing trend. Interviewer: Right; now for the cake and the flowers and the centerpieces, do you get to keep them, should they be kept; what are some tips for saving all of these things? Catherine Porterfield: For the flowers typically what happens is the- -for the centerpieces--well I guess I'll start with the bouquets. The bride typically wants to keep her bouquet; the best thing to do is hang it upside down the day after or starting that night and to see-- depending on what's in your bouquet--tulips usually don't keep but you know roses will keep. They will dry very beautifully. Hydrangeas will dry very--very beautifully. Typically the greens in the flowers--in the bouquets will and then the ones that just don't keep just kind of pull those out. It usually takes about a week for the flowers to dry but




just leave them hanging upside down. The bridesmaids, typically what happens is that with their bouquets they either put it on a table when they get to the reception around the guestbook or around the cake itself because the flowers will kind of match the flowers on the cake if there are flowers on the cake. At the end of the night the bridesmaids are--can definitely take their bouquets back and do whatever they want with them. If they want to keep them, again it's hanging them upside down. For the centerpieces it would be--most families they will either--depending, they will either--if the--if the bride and groom get married at the church they will donate the flowers to the church to use for that weekend or for that Sunday or just for wherever or sometimes they will donate it to a local hospital or they'll donate it to a hospice--things like that, or they will also let at the end of the night whoever is still around, they'll tell everyone please take home you know a bouquet to remind you of the--the wedding and please enjoy it at your house, you know. They'll usually last you know a little less than a week. So that's what happens or it just--it gets left at the reception site. So it kind of just depends on--usually people do not take the centerpieces unless the family asks them to, so if you want your guests to take the flowers--the centerpieces home with you definitely make sure that you announce that. Another thing that can be done if you're having a brunch the next day, take the flowers to the brunch and use them again there because they'll still look beautiful the next day. So that's another thing--especially if the brunch is at a family house or something like that; you can definitely just reuse those flowers. With the cake, the caterer should typically ask the bride and groom if they want to keep the top of the cake, which is done so you can eat it on your one-year anniversary and it's frozen for a year. And what the caterer will do then is take the top of the cake that night and put it in the refrigerator or the freezer at the venue and then the bride and groom should get it or give it to the wedding coordinator at the




end of the night to store and then if the coordinator gets it, give it to the bride and groom you know the next day or when they get back from their honeymoon or the bride and groom will take it with--take it with them that night and immediately freeze it. And then you open it on--and get to eat it on your wedding anniversary. Interviewer: Now with regard to gifts, you mentioned untraditional gifts earlier like donations and we find that couples are registering for you know honeymoons and cash towards down payments for example; is this trend becoming more popular? Is it okay? Catherine Porterfield: I think it's definitely okay and it is definitely popular. A lot of times you know you can--you mentioned the honeymoon. People can give money for honeymoons; they can go-- they can be more specific than that. They can give them a free meal at some restaurant in Australia where the bride and groom are going to be. So it can really be--people like doing that--that when the bride and groom are there eating they'll think of the--you know the guest that gave them that gift and it's giving them you know a special meal on their--their honeymoon. Another thing people will do would be you know typically there's a year to give a gift after a wedding. And so what some people will do is if they don't want to you know go to the traditional registry they'll try something a little bit more personalized and--and different knowing that the couple loves you know French cuisine or something. They will go and give a--excuse me--they'll give a gift certificate to a French restaurant and maybe give them you know a bottle of wine with the gift certificate and you know if this has been several months or almost a year, if you're getting--getting close to that one-year anniversary and that one-year deadline to get your gift in, you can do that and say go and enjoy your one-year anniversary on me, you know. Here--here is my gift to you; I want to give you something a little bit different. At this point you're probably sick of you know getting another you know china setting or place setting or whatever; so it's a lot of--again the personalized gifts are becoming really, really popular. At the other end




of the spectrum, gift cards are huge. People would rather just give you know--it's not cash but it's a gift card to a particular store and you know that way the guest isn't trying to you know figure out what--if the registry is all full and there's nothing left but you know--just a couple random spatulas and garlic presses then they can just give the gift certificate, and if the bride and groom want to spend their money on the--you know the few remaining items that don't really kind of go together as one gift, they can do that or they can save it and buy furniture or something bigger for themselves. So that's a less personalized gift obviously but it's--and it's at the other end of the spectrum from the--the very personalized gift, but it also is very practical and it's easy for everyone. Interviewer: Now you know bachelor, bachelor(ette) parties, showers--you know describe the original purpose and--and history and--and how have these things changed over--over time and--and are there any common themes that you've noticed that you're--you're finding as you plan them or--or hear about? Catherine Porterfield: You know they were originally created obviously to kind of give the--the bride and groom each one more night of--or day--or just to celebrate their single-hood and entering into you know married union. But it--it typically--it now, I mean I--I find again it's another like weekend, a lot of kind of like weekend events where the guys and girls will both go away for a weekend whether it's at the beach, whether it's to Vegas, whether to a NASCAR race, fishing, New York--kind of anything. Whatever the bride and groom each want to do then their friends plan for it. It's--it's typically planned I would say by the maid of honor, the matron of honor, the-- or the best man. Sometimes if there's a brother and--or a sister, they will plan the--the bachelor or bachelor(ette) party just depending. Now what exactly it is, again like I said it can be going fishing, it can be you know--it could be going to you know a men's lounge; it could be doing anything. And with women it is also again anything. Sometimes it's going out you know at night to a nice dinner and then going out to the bars or going out dancing. There's also this huge spa trend where




everyone goes out and they you know get manicures and pedicures and facials and massages and do that for a day and have some tea-- very, very relaxing, also going to the beach for a weekend; getting a bunch of girls together and making it like a three-day event and just enjoying your time on the beach and you know in each other's company and each day can have maybe a different you know planned event. So it really--they are not as simple as they used to be; it's not just you know going out to dinner anymore. It's definitely bigger--I think bigger is better is kind of the--the general rule now. Interviewer: Great; now total cost--what are some of the--the current stats on the average national cost of weddings? A lot of people gasp when they just think of the mere thought of wedding planning because of the price. So what--what are the stats looking like these days? Catherine Porterfield: It's hard on a national level I would say just- -and you know--because it is--you know the wedding that I planned in Cape Cod was--the cost was completely different than what I'm used to in DC. So it really just--just depends on the location. I would say for most kind of--like an area like Washington, DC if you're going to have a wedding of 100 people and it's going to be--with a meal and it's going to have alcohol it's going to be hard to have that for under $20,000 I would say. It's just--you know typically for 100 people with catering and drinks you know that catering bill alone is going to be about $10,000; so that's not even factoring in the flowers and rental facilities and you know paying that rental fee and--and photographers and cakes and flowers. It just--it's really--and music, it just all adds up, so I would say $20,000 to $25,000--it's really hard to do. If you're going to have a wedding of that size it's hard to do anything for under that. Interviewer: Right; any tips for keeping costs down? Catherine Porterfield: There are definitely tips. The--the cake tip that I guess that I gave earlier, you know getting the smallest one made and then doing you know a sheet cake in the back--seeing if




that would make a difference. Another thing with centerpieces, there are many ways to cut corners. You know don't go--just get--no one is looking at the actual you know vase or the--vase sometimes will be small silver-looking containers--they don't have to be real silver; no one is looking at them. The flowers can hang over it and no one will ever know. A lot of times you put a mirror underneath that it kind of makes the flower arrangement seem to be even bigger, so you can make it smaller and you're saving money on that. There are plenty of ways--the gifts that people use to give at--at every wedding to their guests, no one really uses those and it's just--it's a lot of money that just really doesn't need to be spent. If you want to do anything you can say a gift, you know donation was made in your name on behalf of the bride and groom to such and such a charity. And you can put a little card on each table for that. And that is you know--it's a very thoughtful thing to do and it's also--it's--it's less expensive. People, there was a huge trend a while ago for everyone to give- -or have disposable cameras on their tables and now days just with everything being digital those cameras--no one really uses them. Half the time you're going to get out of maybe 30 cameras that you buy maybe enough--like maybe 30 or 36 good photos. But the rest--and that's why you hired a photographer. Don't--it's just--it's--again it's a waste of money; it's a cute idea but it's really--I find just not--just not worth it. There are definitely ways to--to kind of cut corners and with each vendor you can do that as well. With the photographer, with the package that you get, with your cake, with your florist, there are always different ways, so make sure you just talk--you know as a wedding planner you talk to your bride and groom about what they want and then be able to communicate that with your vendor and with the you know--just do some research and find ways that you can make--you know cut these little corners and--and kind of bring the cost of the overall wedding down. Interviewer: Great; I was just thinking--just today I got an email from one of my girlfriends who just returned from having her wedding abroad and I wrote her this email about how did it go you know, sorry I couldn't make it, tell me about it; and the first thing that she said to




me in her email was we had a great time. And that really struck me as you know that's really what it's all about is enjoying yourself. It's one of the most important days of your life and it's very important to make sure that you enjoy yourself, you have fun and--and that it's memorable. So what can brides and grooms do to insure that they will enjoy their wedding day and avoid stress and--and prevent disasters so they can look back at it and say you know it was a good time? Catherine Porterfield: You know I do--I honestly do think that hiring a wedding planner is a huge--it's a huge help; it's--I mean just to help them be able--you want to have one person that you can kind of just--you don't have to worry about being necessarily--being polite to or offending them or hurting their feelings, and you know a family member--family members, it's an important day for them too and you want them to be able to have fun. So having a wedding planner is just someone that you know it's a professional relationship and you know you can just be very direct and--and I think that's really helpful and if you're stressing, you know the bride and groom, they can just you know say please can you help me do this and you're not taking the wedding planner away from enjoying the reception. They're not a guest; they're working it. So I think that's one thing. And another thing as a wedding planner which I always try to do is I always try to make sure that the bride and groom have some food in the waiting areas before the ceremony so they each have a little something just to make sure there's some food in their stomach and they have some water, or if they want some champagne or wine or beer--just something to kind of help calm them down and I think it's also really important for after the wedding to make sure that the bride and groom get 10 minutes. You know the day goes by so fast and they're talking to so many people they never really get to focus on what just happened and that you know they just committed their lives to each other, so to have a room or place to go where they can be alone for 10 minutes--no photographers, you know nobody--just set up a room for them where there are some hors d'oeuvres and they can actually eat, because most of the time you know the bride and groom




do not get to eat at the reception because they're running around talking to people. They can have a glass of champagne and something to eat and just spend 10 minutes alone with each other and just kind of relax and prepare themselves for--for talking and dancing and being around all night and being able to focus on what they just did, I think that really--that 10 minutes is all it takes--it's really a great time for them to really put the day and--or night or just the overall experience in perspective. Interviewer: Now the profession itself, I want to become a wedding consultant. How do I do that? Catherine Porterfield: I think the best thing to do is to really just make sure--do your research and know your stuff and you know make sure you know what's involved and what's entailed and I think the best thing to do is to start out as just doing--if you have a friend or if you have someone you know who is getting married and say look; you know this is an area I want to get involved in. Can I please kind of tag along with you and watch? You don't want to start off in the beginning being responsible for a wedding your--your very first time, you--as your first experience. You want to maybe kind of follow someone around. If you don't have a friend who is getting married, maybe go and ask and try to do some kind of internship through a wedding firm or just say you know I'd like to volunteer my services. I know it sounds kind of crazy to say you're going to give up so much of your time but it is kind of like an apprenticeship and really just try to follow someone around so that you can then learn what it's like to deal with all these vendors and--and everything like that. And then I think it's-- in the beginning it's a little bit easier to kind of just--to just the day of wedding planning because like I said you're not responsible for all these big decisions; you're just responsible for you know making sure things are delivered when they're supposed to, so you can't really be held accountable for kind of everything but just you know making sure the things--just that day of making sure things are delivered and that the bride's and groom's plans have been executed as they wanted it to be, but you don't have kind of ultimate control, so it's kind of a nice way to kind of get your feet wet. And then from there as you get--you




feel more comfortable then start taking on full clients. And--but when you're ready to be at that point you should have business cards and you should have your company registered--everything like that, be as professional as possible, so that you know when you--again like I said it all comes back to trust and if you are--you know if you have business cards and it shows that you've made this effort into this business venture for yourself then they'll trust that you--that you're going to do well because you know the bride and groom will know that this--that you've committed to this and this is your--you know your goal now and your career goal and this is something that you want to do. So make sure when you're ready to run on your own that you are ready and--both professionally and that you have the experience that you need. Interviewer: Great; Catherine, thank you so much for being gracious enough to join us. This information has been extremely helpful. We've been talking to Catherine Porterfield, who is a consultant in wedding planning. For those of you out there listening who would like to learn more about the profession itself or if you're interested in finding out how Catherine can help you plan the perfect wedding day, Catherine how can they go about reaching you? Catherine Porterfield: The best way is email and that would be [email protected] and that's Catherine, C-a-t-h-e-r-i-n- e--P-o-r-t-e-r-f-i-e-l-d at yahoo.com. Interviewer: Great; thank you so much. Catherine Porterfield: Great; thank you very much. Interviewer: Take care; bye-bye. Catherine Porterfield: Bye-bye.


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