2

For Connoisseurs & Conscious Living

This magazine is called

TWELVE to note it’s

monthly presence, only

TWELVE times a year.

Also, and more impor-

tantly, TWELVE is a symbol

of time. So it represents

timely information and the

central point by which life

events are measured. And

of course, time pieces are

part of the finer things,

perfect for our core read-

ers in pursuit of sophisti-

cated living.

Welcome to TWELVE.

3

Welcome to No. III!

It’s March and the women have taken over

this issue for Women’s History Month. From

women in business to women in nonprofit

leadership, we touch key people and events

as part of our salute to women.

Special thanks to those who attended our

March 1st magazine launch event too, SIG-

NATURE. A key part of that event was our

“Girl Talk” where women discussed relation-

ships, business and opportunities to support

each other.

As always, we’ll highlight the people to watch

and places to go. So enjoy the features.

Keep in mind, this is really your magazine. You have an opportunity to contribute to the con-

tent by writing, submitting story suggestions, and of course, attending the launch parties and

more. Contact us at twelve@kcsoul.com to get involved and send us feedback too!

Sincerely,

Ken L

LADIES FIRST.

DON’T MISS

Check out pictures from our TWELVE SIGNATURE

event and more.

Be sure to join us at our live events, held monthly on

First Fridays, to win prizes.

INSIDE

Archives History 6

Fly Guys 20

Nia Richardson:

People to Watch

24

Kiss & Tell 32

March Calendar 34

Vicki’s Shoes

40

Buy Guide 44

MARCH 2013 Volume I, Issue III

Though a lifestyle publication isn’t unique, TWELVE evolves the genre. It’s the only magazine

that you both read and live. We set out to create more than a literary piece. We’ve merged

both the online world and the live event into the “magazine experience”. Once a month, we

release a new issue of the magazine. The release is paired with a live launch event on First

Fridays, where the feature elements and characters of our magazine are brought to life for

you to touch, taste, feel and experience. The live experience becomes part of gathering

ground of additional stories, photos, and more for the final written magazine.

What’s Different? Read It & Experience it Live

kcsoul.com #TWELVEKC

TWELVE Magazine is

part of the kcsoul.com

network. Owned by

H.G.E. Marketing, LLC.

4

CLOSER TO MY DREAMS Plan now for Spring Graduation! Establish a Gift page today for the graduating student. Enable friends and family to easily make a contribution to salute their well-deserved ac-complishment. Help toward future expenses such as travel plans, a new car, or a new suit for interviews or jobs. Chances are a little extra money toward the tuition bill would be useful too! It’s FREE to start your page. Log on today.

Where The Nation Goes to Give

GIFT PAGES PROVIDE:

Real-time direct payments

Customized donation amounts

Goal meter option for tracking

Social media sharing

Email & contact invitations

Personalized gift page urls

Picture & video additions

Reporting

Specials & bonuses

Because sometimes they need it. Other times they deserve it.

5

SPECIAL THANKS

To all of Our Writers, Designers,

Planners, Contributors,

Advertisers & Supporters of

TWELVE!

Ken L.

Join the team: Email: twelve@kcsoul.com

Women’s History Month

Edition.

Pictured here:

Nia Richardson

Photographer: Jessikha Williams

Stylist: Kween Colston

Larry Alexander

Shomari Benton

Erika Brice

Kween Colston

W. Sarah Fletcher

DJ Franklin

Raye Jackson

Vicki Kelley

Iman Lott

Sherry Lumpkins

Mario McCrary

Gary Mitchell

Miko Richardson

Nia Richardson

Sharon Sanders Brooks

Earl Smith

Michele Watley

Dr. Doretha Williams

India Williams

Jessikha Williams

Christopher White

Salute To:

Black Archives of Mid-America

Blue Symphony, LLC

Pop-Up Art Gallery

Shots By Miko

TWELVE PLAY artists

6

The Black Archives

Of Mid-America 1722 E. 17th Terr

Kansas City, Missouri 64108

TUES-THURS 10:00 pm - 4:00 pm.

MONDAY & FRIDAY

BY APPOINTMENT SAT (CLOSED)

(816) 221-1600

www.blackarchives.org

Page 6

Inside the Black Archives of Mid-America, visitors discover, learn and remember.

KC’s Past & Future

kcsoul.com

PLACES

he’s a well-educated Midwest

native and has nurtured a

genuine passion for history

and research. Dr. Doretha Williams

was clearly destined for the role of

Executive Director of the Black Ar-

chives of Mid-America.

Dr. Williams was born and bred in

neighboring Topeka, KS and her

grandparents lived in Kansas City, KC

has always been like home to her.

She made her way to Kansas City

after earning a Bachelor’s in Literature

from Fisk University as well as a Mas-

ters in English, and a PhD in American

Studies from the University of Kansas.

At heart, Williams is a researcher.

Uncovering unique nuggets of history

in the annals of history books trolling

small town libraries, and conducting

live interviews. It’s her background

(Continued on page 12)

7

ICONS: Stand Out

“ICONS

Fine food,

elegant

surroundings

and the elite”

Page 7 Volume 1, Issue 1

ICONS (continued)

Dr. Doretha Williams

Executive Director

Black Archives of

Mid-America

8

9

10

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12

and affinity. It aligns well with the needs of the

Black Archives.

The Black Archives mission is to collect, pre-

serve, and make available the history of African

-Americans of the Midwest, primarily the Cen-

tral Plains-which includes Nebraska, Kansas,

southern South Dakota and Minnesota, west-

ern Iowa and Missouri, and northern Okla-

homa. It houses thousands of artifacts, photo-

graphs, manuscripts and more. Its mission is

in line with Horace Peterson’s direction, who

founded the Black Archives in 1974 as reposi-

tory of KC’s African-American treasures. One

of its original residences was the firehouse at

2033 Vine. Doors closed there in 2006 after

revenue shortfalls and paperwork woes.

In 2012, the Black Archives rebounded with

the support of state and city officials, the Kauff-

man Foundation, and with a special alliance

with the Kansas City Library. The Black Ar-

chives building is now in the KCMO parks de-

partment’s former Parade Park Maintenance

Building at 1722 E. 17th Terrace. It’s open for

special events, tours and events, for family re-

unions and more. Take special care when en-

tering. The archive is on the National Register

(Continued from page 6) of Historic

Places. There

are a few origi-

nal embellish-

ments including

the fire doors,

and original

rafters that give

the venue some

added character. Plus, it’s considered a

LEED Silver venue for using more “green”

environmental friendly systems.

Its new location houses a permanent exhibit,

The Black Archives

mission is to collect

preserve and make

available the history

of African-Americans

of the Midwest.

ICONS STAFF: Anthony Montgomery, Albert Kelley, Alisa Nelson, Simone Tolbert, Marisa Nelson, Rome

A glimpse inside the permanent exhibit, “With My Eyes No Longer Blind,”

13

“With My Eyes No Longer Blind,” titled after a

similar phrase from a Langston Hughes poem.

It reveals the story of African Americans in

Kansas City from pre-Civil War to more re-

cent history.

With a few houses of historic collections in

town, the Black Archives maintains a distinct

place in KC history. Dr. Williams states, “We

have one of the largest collections on African-

American hospitals in Kansas City, including

photos, papers and more. We also have per-

sonal papers from Alvin Ailey, provided by

Lee’s Summit councilman, Alan Gray, who was

a personal friend of Mr. Ailey.”

Understanding the current electronic age, the

Archives is

working to digi-

tize many more

of its materials

for the online

community, but

researchers are

also welcome to

make an ap-

pointment to

mine the wealth

of information

onsite.

Education, re-

search, special

projects and the

collections are

the foundation of the Black Archives. Special

projects include those such as public program-

ming for all age audiences, helping teachers

teach history in the classroom and even work-

ing with adult care centers.

Dr. Williams stays active, even outside of the

Black Archives to build an array of partner-

ships and stay engaged in community develop-

ment. She’s a member and regular attendee of

Downtown KC and Envision KC and other

civic interests. But often, she finds that she’s

the only African-American or African-

American woman in attendance. In these

cases, she considers this an opportunity to

help keep others in the African-American com-

munity engaged, not just the Black Archives.

After only eighteen months, Dr. Williams is

optimistic about the future of the Archives and

Kansas City. She hopes the community will

continue to embrace the Archives and offer

support. Your donations, volunteer support,

and especially visits support this national treas-

ure in Kansas City. xii

“We have one of

the largest collec-

tions on African-

American hospi-

tals in Kansas

City, photos, pa-

pers and more.

We also have

personal papers

from Alvin Ailey.”

TWELVE BLACK | ICONS | FEBRUARY 1, 2013

14

LOVE STARTING WITH YOURSELF

W. SARAH FLETCHER

15

Woman: Hear Me…Meow? BY: W. Sarah Fletcher

We have entered the Golden Age, The Age of Enlightenment. Anthems proclaiming girls, ladies, women, “Run the World” belted out by music royalty like Beyoncé. This is a time of unprecedented technological access, a space where we know more about ourselves, and more about other women. We have connection with each other like never before. So, WHY DO WE AS WOMEN and YOUNG WOMEN, CONTINUE TO DENY OUR OWN POWER, COLLECTIVE POWER, AND TEAR EACH OTHER DOWN? Quick Secret: In relationships no matter the type, we are either growing it, letting it die or killing it off. Period. As women, if we are not building each other up intentionally, then we are letting each other die and are tearing each other down. The bigger secret? If you see in yourself the latter, you are choosing your own slow death. We NEED each other. Some may say, well I have my girlfriends, and we are close, so how am I tearing another woman down? Simple. Have you ever walked by a woman you don’t know and either avoided eye contact or made eye contact but still did not acknowledge her presence? Did not speak to her? At the very core, that behavior is destructive and a sign that we are not standing in our power as women. Ladies, we were designed to FLOURISH, THRIVE, CREATE, CARRY and BRING forth LIFE, not just with a physical child, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually, in every aspect, in every fashion of life. That is the core of our pur-pose. We give LIFE. We are POWERFUL. And yet, we are so afraid of another woman’s power, to the point of our refusing to stand in our own, we find ourselves shrinking in our own shadows. IT. IS. TIME. Time to take our place as the Queens that we are and were designed and created to be. It is time to OWN our collective power that we already possess.

It is time to ROAR.

Sarah moderating the “Girl Talk” at TWELVE Magazine’s SIGNATURE event on 3.1.13

16

Kween Colston is your favorite stylist’s stylist. She also models, designs

apparel, and can often be found at the hottest events promoting and host-ing. The Kween Colston brand was created to bring style and class to local events that focused on giving back to the communities they serve through

high fashion and entertainment.

Her life’s motto is that we all must use our gifts to inspire others. She loves to sing and her favorite genres of music are jazz, blues, r&b, classical and real hip-hop. Her favorite singers are Billie Holiday, Sarah Vaughn and

Ella Fitzgerald.

Yeah, she happens to be one of your favorite bar-

tenders. Oh yeah, she models, too. Not impressed

yet? Keep reading. The old adage “Don’t judge a

book by its cover” couldn’t be more appropriate.

Introducing Marlena “Miko” Richardson.

She holds two bachelor degrees from Baker Univer-

sity, one in biology and the other in chemistry. That

alone tells you two things: first, she’s on a serious

mission, and second, mixing and formulas are going to

be easy for her.

By day, she’s a Product Innovations Supervisor, han-

dling product development, R&D work, and water

analysis. That could explain her fascination and talent

as a “mixologist”, but bartending just came by chance.

“My boyfriend had some friends who were opening a

nightclub and needed staff and I was already there

helping set the club up so it was just the next thing in

line along with being the lead VIP hostess.”

Her ambitions have moved beyond the realms of sci-

ence and into business. She manages two businesses.

The first is Shots by Miko, which provides bartending

services, custom cocktails & shots. The other ven-

ture, Osmose by M: Model Placement Services offers

runway consultation, model coordination, fashion

show choreography and casting, to name a few ser-

vices.

She’s making a name for herself in all areas having

been featured on both KCTV-5’s Better Kansas City

and Kansas City Live. As a model, she’s had the amaz-

ing opportunity to showcase the Feng Faces Spring

campaign, as well as a plethora of very large fashion

shows: West 18th Street, Rock the Block, Rock N

Fashion, Kansas City Fashion Week. As owner of

Osmose, she’s had the great opportunity to coordi-

nate, construct, produce, cast and chair the annual

Kansas City Urban Fashion Fest and more.

Education + Determination /Different paths mixed to

near perfection = Success. I’ll take a glass of that.

the Formula

17

18

19

20

21

They don’t set out to follow trends or even desire to fit in. They are the

one’s to watch for style. They aspire to

stand out and paint the city with their per-

sonality and individuality. Sometimes bold.

Often simply stated. Always stylish.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 30.

(l-r). Larry Alexander, Mario McCrary,

Christopher White, Shomari Benton.

Concept: Meddrin, Inc.

Photo: Raye Jackson

22

23

Jessikha (JaiWill) Nickalette Williams is a Spring 2012 graduate of the University of New Mexico where she received her Bachelor of Arts in Architecture and her Minor in Art with an em-phasis in Art Studio. Her passion lies in the visual arts where she has studied many forms of visual media since a very young age. For the past eight years of her post-secondary education, Jessikha has been enveloped in photography and graphic arts design where she has worked as a photojournalist, art photographer, and portrait and fashion photographer. With her degree in Architecture, Jessikha now looks forward to working with an Architectural firm here in Kansas City. In addition, Jessikha describes herself as an advocate for community service and isalso passionate about working with young people. She believes them to be not only leaders of tomorrow, but relevant participants in the global society of today. As a result, she is dedi-cated to helping children develop their own voice. For the past eighteen years, Jessikha has involved herself with the Children's Defense Fund (CDF) Freedom Schools, a non-profit or-ganization promoting literacy and ensuring that each child is equipped with the necessary skills to succeed in life. Jessikha currently serves as an Ella Baker Trainer where she prepares col-lege interns to teach in a classroom. All things considered, in both her art and advo-cacy, Jessikha finds interest in exploring contro-versial subjects and issues of race and gender. Her hope is to one day fuse her love of chil-dren, education, and the visual arts to aid in the fight for social justice.

JaiWill behind the scenes at the March, TWELVE Magazine photo shoot at the Pop-Up Art Gallery, KCMO.

24

NIA RICH

HUDSON & JANE

Velvet Blazer, Pants,

Shirts, and Pocket Square.

BANANA REPUBLIC

Boots

HALLS

Pin

LOVE

By Iman Lott

Photo: Jessikha Williams

Stylist: Kween Colston

25

he saying “big people do big things”, I’ve learned is not always accurate. After meeting Mrs. Nia

Richardson I’ve discovered sometimes big things come in small packages…Nia is every bit of 5”3. Big character precedes her petite frame. I introduce myself. “Hi I’m Nia, “ followed by a larger than life smile. Nia was re-cently ap-pointed Di-rector of Busi-ness Devel-opment and Marketing at DuBois Con-sultants, Inc. Based out of Kansas City Missouri, Du-Bois Consult-ants has been providing civil and structural engineering design services since 1988. “I have just recently moved into a new position in our family owned company. Our company is the only Black owned, Black operated busi-ness located in the urban core that provides civil and structural engineering design . “My overall vision is to make DuBois Consultants a place for engineering and design innovation for Black engineers in Kansas City. Kansas City’s been identified as having the highest number of engineers per capita. Every major engineer-ing firm has an office here, and three big firms are headquartered here. I plan to capitalize on this. I want us to be recognized not only as a viable Minority Business Enterprise, but as a vi-able enterprise.” Nia is now responsible for aiding DuBois Con-sultants in its plans to expand services regionally to provide new market clients with specialized

services in site development, water supply distri-bution, urban hydrology, modeling, storm water management, erosion control, and structural design. I mention to her that I also work in a family busi-ness.“People think it’s easy to work for your fa-ther. Not the case. If anything, it’s harder. Ex-pectations are set at a much higher standard

than normal…but I love it!” Mrs. Richardson doesn’t confine her service to the family business. In 2012, she was appointed by Mayor Sly James to serve on the City of Kansas City, Missouri’s Municipal Arts Commission. “I met the mayor through a friend who was working on his election campaign. We chatted briefly

about his prom-ises of making

sure young people are involved more through-out Kansas City, being assigned to boards and different projects, for example.”

Although she proclaims her-self less of an artist and more of a connois-seur, “I enjoy the arts and know the impor-tance,” she ap-plied for a posi-tion on the Arts Commission

and was appointed and sworn in shortly after. “The biggest thing this board does is oversee 1% of the arts fund. Right now, we are over-seeing the mayor’s initiative for improving the arts around Kansas City. There is a lot of private

(Continued on page 26)

Nia Richardson: Moving KC Forward

Between stops. Nia, wraps up a Municipal Arts Commission board meeting at City Hall.

“...I carry my

father’s pas-

sion of advanc-

ing my com-

munity...”

T

26

funding but very little public funding which is unique compared to any other city in the nation. We are trying to change that.” Nia is also on the Blue Hills Community Service Board serving her second term as a community member for the not-for-profit community develop-ment corporation that battles social and eco-nomic challenges faced by residents of the Blue Hills neighborhood. “I carry my father’s passion of advancing my com-munity”, Nia acknowledges in a nod to the exam-ple set by her parents, Ajamu and Kinda Webster, who have been and still are very active in com-munity. Nia was born and raised in Kansas City, but her childhood was unique compared to some of her local peers. “I grew up very different from others. I traveled outside of the country a few times. Both of my parents went to HBCU’S (Historically Black Colleges and Universities). I saw things first hand and grew up in a socially conscious household.” Nia received a Bachelors of Arts in Business Admini-stration from the HBCU, Tennessee State University in Nashville, Tennessee where through an ex-change program she also studied at the University of the Virgin Islands-St. Thomas, also an HBCU. “I am a firm believer in African Centered Educa-tion. I consider myself a conscious woman. I know who I am and it drives toward where I am going. “Last year I was asked by various community lead-ers to run for the 5th district seat on the Kansas City Missouri school board. I jumped into the race three weeks prior to election day and actually came in second. I thought that was cool.” I proclaim Nia a future politician in the making, however, she replies adamantly, “I’m not particu-larly interested in being a politician because I’m not a big fan of campaigning. I don’t know…”, she contemplates , “If it works out that way, so be it. But I’m definitely not trying to pursue it. The only way I would run is if I had the money to finance it but more importantly, if people were actually coming out to vote.” This shouldn’t be a problem for her if she were to run. Nia’s current community campaign, The 1840 Vote Project, increases voter education and turn-out for local elections for voters aged 18-40. (www.1840vote.org) How does one handle all of Nia’s professional and

community responsibilities and still manage a per-sonal life? “I was just married in July of 2012. While I would like us to experience everything together, my hus-band and I take turns covering parental duties.” Nia is married to Benjamin Richardson. Together, they are raising sons Eusavio, eight, and Zion, one. “My overall goal in life is to advance my commu-nity. It does not matter how successful I am, unless my community is successful with me.” Nia Website has big ambitions combined with a big spirit. I guess “big people do big things” is quite fitting after all. Stay tuned.

“My overall goal

in life is to ad-

vance my commu-

nity. It does not

matter how suc-

cessful I am,

unless my commu-

nity is successful

with me.”

27

28

29

Twelvekc.com

30

Larry Alexander

Gig: Ford Motor Company Employee

On Style: Individuality sums of Larry’s sense of style. “Whatever I’m feeling for the day. It could be a suit or some-thing more casual, like my work outfit,”

says Larry. Married: Larry’s appreciation of a

good woman starts with a reflection of his mom. “She’s passed away now, but she used to write letters to her sons to

make sure she could express herself. “That same care and attention I wanted

in a wife.” Being a Believer in Christ was a must. Good conversation, goal

compatibility and being well traveled also stirred his interest in his wife.

Mario McCrary

Gig: US Postal Service Employee

On Style: Mario likes fashion that is classic, simple, with something that will “pop” it. “Style should be the way you explain to world who you are without

ever speaking.” Single: “It’s about her Spirit first”,

Mario says, speaking of Christian Spiri-tuality as a priority. He’s lived the life of a “womanizer” in the past, but has now

made God a priority, so a woman has to be beyond looks. “She has to be

more than what I can see in the club, just some nice measurements,” says

Mario.

‘Cause Women Love A Well-dressed man!

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 20.

31

Shomari Benton

Gig: Method Men’s Clothing Store, Co-Owner

On style: “I’m infatuated by the 1920s era.” It was a great decade for men’s fashion. I like to push the edge a little

bit, but I like the classics.” Has a Girl. He needs a woman that

will step out, explore and do new things. “She has to have willingness in terms of experience…or the ‘Want to.

She has to be open to grow. She has to have that innate womanly trait to

love. Part of that love includes telling me when I’m overstating my bounds,”

says Benton.

Christopher White

Gig: Meddrin, Inc. Fashion Stylist

On Style: His family starting with his Grandparents. “My Grandfather wore tailor made suits with his name embroi-dered on in the inside of every jacket

and suit. Single: Chris simply wants a woman

made for him. To be “Equally Yoked” is sums up his relationship goal. He be-lieve that within true love, a woman--

on the inside--should reflect a man’s inside. “She sees herself in me and I

see myself in her,” he said. Being “well-read” and patient are other fine traits

he likes.

32

PART II

Since this is the Women’s History Month edition, it’s especially appropriate to continue our “Girl Talk” on relationships, where ten professional African-American women spoke candidly about love and relationships. Twelve magazine was just a fly on the wall, taking notes. After all, this magazine seeks to bring awareness to many issues. That’s the ”Conscious Living” part of our tagline. So let’s get back to it. In our last issue, the TWELVE Black Book, we laid the groundwork. We examined where the good men are, the Kansas City dating scene and tips on how to approach a woman. That was the warm-up. Now we go deeper!

Social Media is the Devil Speaking of approaching a woman, direct one-on-one interactions can be intimidating. Knowing what to say, how much, and when can make or break a first impression. Yet, twenty-first century technology has provided alternative arsenal for the approach.

33

Nowadays, before we even start a conversa-tion, the internet becomes our research tool—“our friend who knows a friend”. A friend who’s more than happy to tell us relationship status, education, family, and interests of anyone we’d like to meet. In fact, we don’t even have to meet in person or start with a greeting to become someone’s “friend”. Welcome to the world of social media. Sure, there’s “some” limited protection with privacy controls, but social media can be a treasure trove of information…and a bevy of trouble. Shonda describes a club incident where a Twitter follower, a person she didn’t know, abruptly interrupts her conversation with another man. “He came up and said, I’m go-ing marry you. You’re my wife”, just because he followed her on twitter and was interested. People have always had trouble separating reality from digital communications. Back in the day, people were so embroiled in their “Soaps” that they would accost actors, some-time spewing negativity because they de-spised the fictional character the actors played. Today, the same is true with reality TV

fans who imagine they’ve connected with the Real Housewives of…whatever. This fancy now extends to social media. First, there’s plenty of fiction online. Club names, aliases and secret personas abound. To maintain some sem-blance of secrecy and to embellish reality, people will mix fact and fiction. Catfish Melonie points out “People have alter egos on Facebook. You’re not dealing with a person. Everybody’s a ‘bad ass’ on Facebook.”. Some people go beyond posturing on Face-book under their real names. Sharon brings up the show “Catfish” which airs on MTV. People will reportedly have up to two-year relationships with people they’ve never seen. College foot-ball star Manti Te'o, a recent target in the now infamous ‘girlfriend hoax’, is a perfect example. (This “virtual relationship” phenomenon seems new at first blush, but men and women had long distance relationships by old fashioned mail before the web. Think about the incarcer-ated prisoners and pen pals who write, give gifts and more before even meeting the sub-

(Continued on page 36)

“I want a man who wants me just a little

more than I want him.”

34

Sat 03/09

Blue and White Masquerade Mixer

Event type: Party

Venue: Ararat Shrine: 5100 Ararat Drive

KCMO

Time: 7:20 PM - 12:00 PM

Producer: Upsilon Zeta Zeta chapter of Zeta

Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.

Contact: Angela Canady Email: angelarca-

nady@gmail.com

Thu 03/14

20 Steps to 7 Figures: Planning Your Re-

tirement

Event type: Business/Finance

Venue: UMB BANK: 1010 Grand Blvd Kansas

City MO

Time: 7:30 AM - 9:00 AM

Producer: KC - National Black MBA Assoc.

Contact: Catrice McNeely Email: kcblack-mba@yahoo.com Phone: 1-877-493-2073

Web: www.nbmbaa.org

Fri 03/15

Links Happy Hour

Event type: Fundraiser

Venue: Diastole Center: 2501 Holmes Kansas

City MO

Time: 5:00 PM - 8:00 PM

Producer: Greater Kansas City Chapter of The

Links

Contact: Email: Phone:

Web: gkclinksinc.org

Sat 03/23

2013 OLD-SCHOOL THROWBACK

JAM

Event type: Fundraiser

Venue: Knights of Columbus Hall: 5101 Blue

Ridge Cutoff Kansas City MO

Time: 8:00 PM - 1:00 AM

Producer: Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. and

Beta Lambda Education I

Contact: John Pitts Email:

john_pitts@email.com

Web: www.betalambda.org

Sat 03/23

10th Annual Father/Daughter Ball

Event type: Other Venue: The View Community Center: 13500

Byars Rd Grandview MO

Time: 7:00 PM - 10:00 PM

Producer: M.A.C.A.A.

Contact: Murad Baheyadeen Email:

z_baheyadeen@yahoo.com

Phone: 913-269-9669

Sun 03/24

HBCU College Tour by A-Phi-A

Event type: Community Action

Venue: HBCU schools: Kansas City MO

Time: 8:00 AM - 8:00 AM

Producer: Alpha Phi Alpha Beta Lambda Chap

Contact: George Ramsey Email:

blei.collegetour@gmail.com

Phone: 816-516-7630

Web: kcalphas.com

Sat 03/30

Women Entrepreneurs On The Move

Event type: Networking

Venue: Brush Creek Community Center: Kan-

sas City MO

Time: 2:00 PM - 6:00 PM

Producer: Sherri Flowers - The Flower Pot

Foundation

Contact: Sharla Webb Email: sharjscater-ing@gmail.com

Web: sharjscatering.com

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Just a snapshot of events from

the nonprofit calendar.

For complete listings, visit

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Malcolm X

Women’s

History Month

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CALENDAR

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36

Kiss & Tell: II

jects of their affection. Social media can cause many issues. Ironi-cally, nowadays, if you don’t have a Facebook page, you appear suspect. “What are you hiding that you can’t be out in public?” After all, Facebook and Google are research platforms. Others remark that “hiding” online is a sign that they can’t control their mess.

You Say He’s Just a Friend Next, people, listen up. “Friend” doesn’t really mean “friend”. “Someone that follows you, and whom you follow in kind, is called Twitter good practice - #TeamFollowback - but it’s not a real relationship. It doesn’t even mean you’ve seen or paid attention to each other’s tweets. Many are event promoters just building their numbers for media and marketing purposes or bragging rights. Even a Linked In connection, doesn’t mean you know a person or have even met the person. The person’s a LinkedIn connec-tion, not a friend. The world needs some re-education on the word friend. Where’s Whodini when you need them? Unpredictable behavior from virtual “friends” has caused some of the ladies to react. “If I haven’t met you in person I no longer accept you into my social media circle”, say Melonie. “Once, someone made a comment clearly meant to antagonize my boyfriend. I didn’t move fast enough to delete a comment and it caused drama. You have to respect the rela-tionship.” Shonda notes that she’s also been more discerning because of stalker tendencies, but she plans to go even further. “When I get married I’m deleting all of that stuff. When I got engaged, people came out of the woodwork and were so disrespectful.” Melonie, reinforces that point, “It’s like on Facebook and other so-cial media site, ties you would have lost, had it not been for the internet, are still connected. It’s like maintaining a tie you don’t need. Some acknowledge a mixed bag with social network experiences. “There are married cou-ples I know that have no problems”, says Karen. “Then, there are couples, not even married, that have agreed not to use social networking.” Can someone say insecure? Some men can’t handle it when you have too many followers. But it goes both ways. DeAnna brings up the YouTube video, “Like it one more time” If you like a girls status fifteen times and a picture six-

(Continued from page 33)

teen times, there’s a problem. Shonda says, “Social media should have the same etiquette as real life. Don’t make in appropriate comments on status or pictures.” The difficulty is that it’s not just what you say, but what people say to you. Lisa, who describes her husband as a low key lurker on Facebook, states that “Facebook is Satan’s Playground. Whatever mischief you want to get into, you can.”

Online Dating Despite social media problems, online love inter-ests aren’t all bad. Computers are the new land-scape on which to build romance, in theory. Sites like Match.com and ChristianMingle.com are mainstream and boast impressive results. Closer to home, local urban Kansas Citians connect on the Singles portal of KCSoul.com. The ladies in our roundtable have heard of some success with online dating… at least among white friends. One of the issues with sites like those large national sites is that the community of people of color is so small. DeAnna noted that eligible bachelors on those sites end up unintentionally sending mes-sages to women who are friends with each other. “Everybody meets the same Black guy!”

The Promise Land – Just One for Me For most of us, while navigating through the love maze, a good marriage is still the goal. At our girl talk soiree, the women here range in age from late twenties to almost forty. These women are ready to settle down. No one seems to be rushed…just ready. To some, it’s a matter of defin-ing what they really need. Melonie says “My grandmother always said, ‘There’s what you really need and what you want’.” If you want, you can develop a list of those things to help you hone in on your true perception of a soul mate. However, “People make lists and forget to do what’s natural”, Karen muses. Shonda, puts it all in God’s hands. “It’s not wrong to want, but pray over things and be patient and wait,” she says. “He knows I’d like to have grandchildren for my mother. It’s all in His timing. God knows what you need.” DeAnna, “I want a man who wants me just a little more than I want him. If he does, all of the other stuff will fall into place.” Julie, “Right. We [women] naturally give more. That just gives you a chance to relax and get into him instead of going all out to

37

prove yourself.” Just when this seems to be the solution, Lisa, who’s married, chimes in with the reality check. “They always want you more in the beginning. When the relationship is new, it’s all peachy. For men, it’s the chase. When you an-swer every call, when you’re always available, they get bored. They want the one they can’t have, the Upgrade. Lisa reiterates the challenges of keeping a man after this “new” and fresh phase. “I’m forty in nine in months. 29-, 27-year-olds are out there and thirsty and you’re here married with three kids.”

Keeping the Marriage Strong Once you’ve found “the one”, walked down the aisle and pledged to live happily ever after, congratulate yourselves, but also realize that the real test is longevity. One of the biggest keys to keeping the mar-riage alive is keeping it fresh. Julie, “It’s about sustaining. I’ve met women who’ve been married for twenty years and they say, ‘I take a vaca-tion by myself without my husband or go here and there without my husband.’ They still need to chase you, miss you and real-ize you’re independent. This helps maintain their attrac-tion.” Lisa states, “When you’re married and sleep with your husband every day, he sees you crusty, dusty and all of that, but some-times , walk out dressed as op-posed to letting him watch you get dressed. It’s like a fresh breath.” Keep a little bit of mystery, even in a mar-riage. Be-

cause when he sees someone out, he didn’t see the “before” image nor did he witness the process of transforming the “before” into the “after”. Julie, “Yeah, a lot of French women have separate dressing rooms.”

Slip and FAIL After already stating the challenges of keeping a man’s interest and commitment, Lisa drops some additional perspective, “Cheating is not the worst a man can do to you. It’s not. For a man it’s a just a piece…most often.” Several of the women nod in agreement. “Emotionally cheating is much worse. It’s all gross, but it’s not the worst. People fall. People have different shortcomings; theirs just might not be the same as yours.”

Let’s Talk About Sex Women aren’t generally inclined to putting all of their business out there, so you may want to save this article for future reference. Know this: most women are not prudes. Sex is on the agenda, even for those who aren’t getting any…right now. Start men off with a least two women in a room, and you’ve covered 90% of male fantasies. But women don’t seem to have any specific scenarios, maybe a few fantasy people. The consistent theme is that they want sex to be good and exciting. Melonie volunteers, “It can’t be boring. Bring some excitement, like the possibil-ity of getting caught. You know, it’s illegal to do something in the movie theater, but at least try. Just be-cause we’re old enough to know the law, doesn’t mean we can’t bend it. So it’s not all salt and pepper, put a little cayenne in it!” Shonda shares that she’s not a virgin but she’s currently celibate. “Sex tends to make you lose focus on what’s important”, she says. But she looks forward to an active sex life with a hus-band one day.

(Continued on page 38)

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“If we ride or die, I’m down with it. I want to be able to say, I haven’t done that for my hus-band,” meaning saved some of the exclusive tricks for him. “There’s only a handful that I have gone hard in the paint for, you know, come off the plane with no panties on,” says Shonda.

When You’re Married Sex is… The room tonight is mixed between married and single women, but most seem to subscribe to the idea that the end game is to be married and in a sexual relationship just with your hus-band. With that said, realize this: Marriage sex is boring,” according to Lisa. “It’s fun in the beginning, before you’re married. “When

you’re not sup-posed to be doing it, it’s good…When you’re sneaking. In marriage, every day is not fireworks, like it is when you’re dating. When you’re married, you schedule sex around Sports Cen-ter, then, when he’s ready, he’ll say, ‘Go on and get yourself ready and come

on over here’.” “I gotta do my own foreplay?!” It’s unrealistic to expect your sex life to remain on full tilt all day every day for all of eternity. After all, marriage, especially with kids, takes a lot of work—laundry, bills, dinner dishes, and the like. The best marriages make a special and deliberate effort to work hard and play harder.

Not doing it right Of course, women have their opinions on men’s performance. DeAnna says she heard from a male co-worker, “Most guys are bad at sex, because they learn sex from pornos and other men. Guys who are really good, learn to have sex from women.” Most women don’t tell a man about their performance, to save their pride, so they go on to next woman, still just as bad. So women, speak up!

Between Never & Not Yet There was a time when women didn’t do cer-tain things or weren’t forthcoming about their bedroom antics, leading to stereotypes about what a woman wouldn’t do, especially Black women. Between cable TV, the internet and

(Continued from page 37)

Passion Party type concepts, we know a lot of women are doing it all…Anal, oral, multiple partners, and more, but are Black women do-ing it all? “No back door!”, yells Lisa. “Looks like it hurts”. But a few aren’t so adamant and more willing to explore. It’s different for every person. “Never say never”, Shonda says. “I used to say I’d never do oral, now I love to do it. I had someone teach me how to do it.” DeAnna, “You know who taught me. Superhead.”, the adult film star. Most claim some skills, but then there’s Lisa, “You know what a guy said, to me? He said, ‘You’re making my head hurt. Just stop.’ All of my other gifts were better always than my head game, anyway!” Though women seem to hate to discuss sex directly with their mate - pride, egos and inse-curities are all at play here - communication is key for both men and women for a fulfilling sex-ual relationship.

The Wrap-Up After lively discussion, the night concludes with a tone of intro-spection, with the women contemplat-ing their current states. Most are comfortable with who they are and where they are in life. They find peace in know-ing that relationships will mature in the right

time with the right person. We hope you were educated, found someone you could relate to or at least realized that there are others out there like you. The order of the day seems to be: Keep God first and rela-tionships second. Keep an open mind, and in all areas, communication is the key. And, Oh yeah, stay off of Facebook.

“When

you’re not

supposed

to be do-

ing it, it’s

good.”

“Guys who

are really

good, learn

to have

sex from

women.”

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here aren’t many things that compare to the feeling that overcomes you when you slip on a pair of sexy, chic, show-stopping stilettos.

Self-proclaimed “shoenista” Vicki Kelley’s love affair with stilettos has taken her to new professional and personal heights. Sexy, curvaceous and beau-tiful stilettos serve as the platform for Vicki’s organization, Hot Stiletto, a free social club for women that marries shoes and philanthropy. Her passion for shoes is trumped only by her desire to empower, coach and serve as a catalyst for women. Her recent election to the Board of Directors for the

“I love shoes and I always have. Even as a kid, besides toys, I would always want new shoes.”

By Michele Watley

T

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Heartland Women's Leadership Council is just one of the ways that Vicki satisfies this passion for empowering women. “A Passion for Shoes.” Vicki can remember the first time she laid eyes on a pair of stilettos worn by her mother. Her love for stilettos has only grown since that fateful day. “When getting together with friends, I would say to them: ‘Wear your stilettos so you can feel cute!’” Happy hours with girlfriends soon turned into Hot Sti-letto. “I never thought shoes could be an outlet. All of this came out of my love for shoes. Because it came from my natural passion, it worked for me.”

(Continued on page 42)

Vicki Kelley Shoe Shine

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Since Hot Stiletto’s start in July of 2012, over 150 women have joined. Hot Stiletto now hosts many different events to bring “sole sisters” together. The Shoe Shopping Soiree is an afternoon gathering that includes stretch limo transportation to swank shoe shops in Kansas City, shoe shopping and brunch. High Heel Happy Hours include “shoe gazing”, networking and stiletto monologues. The brain-child of Vicki’s husband, stiletto monologues are stories about love, men, shoes and other topics shared by the women attending the High Heel Happy Hour. “Some are sexy, some are racy, some are funny, and some are simple. It’s just fun to see how creative women can be!” Hot Stiletto’s Annual Stiletto Party is a fundraising event for New House, a shelter and women’s em-powerment center that works to provide women tools to make positive choices and lead self-sufficient lives. Men and women can enjoy the shoe showcase and the “stiletto strut-off” while supporting a great cause. While stilettos and community service are an unlikely pair, Vicki makes the relationship work. “If we (women) don’t have each other, we are left alone and that is why our sisters fall through the cracks.” Vicki’s work with New House stems from the need to raise awareness about domestic violence “You can look like me, you can sound like me, but when you go home, you might be that domestic abuse victim, and no one would know it.” Girl-friend Hour and Heels Can Heal are a couple of gatherings that Hot Stiletto hosts at New House to connect women who are in need of support from other women. Karaoke, “mocktails”, and girl talk lifts spirits and provides an outlet for women who are experiencing trying times. With the Annual Stiletto Party, Vicki hopes to con-tinue to raise awareness and additional funding for New House. “You may as well be cute while reaching back to pull a sister up.” If you would like to learn more about Hot Stiletto or if you would like to sign up for the free shoe club, please visit the website at www.hotstiletto.com and be sure to follow Hot Stiletto on Twitter: @TheHotStiletto.

(Continued from page 41) FEB 17TH | Game Night & School Supply Drive.

Alpha Kappa Alpha, Sorority, Inc., Xi Tau

Omega Chapter.

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BUY GUIDE

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It was the best of times. It was the worst of

times.” Wait, this isn’t a Tale of Two Cities, is it? No,

but, in a way, those lines still capture the essence of this

story. From the 1940’s through the 1960’s, women’s

social clubs were some of the most important purvey-

ors of the city’s social climate on both sides of the KC’s

state line of Kansas and Missouri.

Filmmaker, Rodney Thompson, of Vine Street Films,

reveals the history and importance of African-American

women’s social clubs. Thompson explores first-hand

accounts from

living members of

some of the most

renowned

groups. Yes.

These are price-

less conversations

and insightful his-

torical gems.

However, what’s

key are the testi-

monies from chil-

dren of members.

Hence, the name

of the movie is

“My Mother’s

Club.”

It’s from these

reflections that

the importance of

these clubs are

realized. After

all, learning is generational. Ask most people and they’ll

tell you, a positive upbringing starts at home. Children

learn from their parents. From stairwells, children lis-

tened and quietly observed. From food preparations

and table arrangements of fine linen and silver, they

began to understand the expectations of quality. As

parents dressed, both men and women, they began to

understand beauty and grace and that they too could

experience this.

Despite segregation and limited opportunities, members

of social clubs experienced life to the fullest. Ironically,

it’s not just despite segregation, but also because of it,

that African-American social clubs thrived. Throughout

the film, “Because we didn’t have anything else to do…

or anyplace else to go” is the reason these clubs prolif-

erated. Club members socialized in households be-

cause they weren’t allowed in many public venues.

They shopped in the historic 12th Street and 18th and

Vine districts because they were banned from the de-

partment stores in downtown Kansas City.

Every weekend, women’s and men’s social clubs hosted

gatherings ranging from teas, to card parties and dances.

Similar to the familiar and widely known Greek frater-

nity and sorority events, themed parties such as regal

galas and elaborate costume events were hosted by

well over thirty groups in the metro area. Most of the

clubs were purely social, at least initially. However,

groups with more progressive agendas, including par-

enting and community services, such as The Links, Inc.

and Jack and Jill are also rooted in the African-American

social club collective.

As social clubs matured, the realities of the social injus-

tices of the period, were too egregious to ignore. The

movie examines how social clubs

were integral to Kansas City’s

civil rights movement. Sit-ins

and marches became part of the

movement as social clubs flexed

their buying power declaring not

to shop where we couldn’t eat.

Like most clubs, these groups

started as a place for friends.

Common backgrounds,

neighborhood proximity or simi-

lar professional interests laid the

framework. Some clubs origi-

nated within high schools with

student members.

Today, a few social clubs con-

tinue, but things have changed.

The close knit bonds borne of

the events that brought people

together in each other’s homes

are gone, replaced with a mem-

ber network stretching across sprawling suburbs with

large-scale events held in public places. Fifty-cent schol-

arship benefits have been replaced with the fifty-dollar

event PayPal payments. The class of formal long

dresses and tuxedos and printed invitations have been

substituted with blue jeans, sport coats and Facebook

invites. In fact, the generations-old social network is

now online instead of in living rooms.

My Mother’s Club reminds us of a time and place that

helped build a city, and some of the fine qualities we

should still embrace, even in an age full of new opportu-

nities.

FILM HOME TRAINING

My Mother’s Club

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