TRAITS OF A GOOD LISTENER

RAJESH GOSWAMI

Sometimes when we feel that the speaker is irrational and illogical in his views, We cannot tolerate under certain circumstances. Here are some guidelines which enable us to develop an attitude of tolerance and understanding

INTRODUCTION

THIS ALL POINTS ARE IMPORTANT FOR GOOD LISTENER Being non- evaluating Paraphrasing Reflecting implications Reflecting hidden feelings Inviting further contribution Responding nonverbally

BEING NON- EVALUATING

if you are an active listener your verbal and non-verbal behavior will suggest to the speaker that he is being properly heard and understood. It should not indicate what you think about the person. The purpose is to communicate, overlooking the qualities of the ideas,attitudes,and values of the speaker.

Your behavior must be such that it conveys the impression that you accept the person without making any judgment of right or wrong, good or bad, suitable or unsuitable.

paraphrasing if you wish to clarify a point, you

can simply paraphrase what the speaker has said and enquire from the speaker whether you have heard it accurately. Use phrases like the following ones to ensure that you have paraphrased the information.

“So you mean to say………” “Do you mean that…..”

REFLECTING IMPLICATIONS The listeners aim here is to

reflect eagerness and zest by nodding or through verbal means thereby giving positive feedback. You can use phrases like:

“So this might lead to a result which…”

“So you are suggesting that we might….”

If you use this this technique to change the direction of the speaker’s thinking by showing your cleverness or suggesting an idea which the speaker might not have yet thought before, it creates distrust between the two parties.

However, if you use the technique with the intention of understanding more, you can certainly help the speaker by boosting his confidence making him believe that the listener has his content well.

Reflecting hidden feelings Sometimes you try to empathize or

identify yourself with the speaker, to experience what he or she feels. You can express such sentiments by using phrase such as:

“if I were in your place, I would not have handled the situation so well”

“if that had happened to me, I'd have been very upset.’

Inviting further contribution

In a situation where you haven’t heard or understood enough yet to response with empathy and understanding, promote the speaker to give you more information phrases such as the following can be used:

“can you through more light on…..” “it would be great if you can expand

more on this….”

While it is useful to ask questions, be cautions about asking too many. This may lead the speaker to suspect that rather than seeking information you are interrogating or challenging them.

Responding nonverbally You can show that you are an active

listener by adopting certain postures and sending nonverbal signals which communicate your interest in what the speaker is saying. These include regular eye contact, body leaning slightly towards the speaker , head nodes and a slightly titled head. You can also occasionally use some receptive utterance as ‘yes’, ‘un-hum’, to indicate that you are following what the speaker is saying.

Thank you