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Facial hair and you.Making use of uselessness.

Rorschach / Abstract.Stop this madness.

YOUR FACE:It is what you make it.

Home grown.Stop this madness.

As you may or may not be aware, I’m growing a beard.

So I thought it germane to deliver a survey of the beard in contemporary times.

FACT

Beard heritage.Stop this madness.

In order to address the beard objectively, it is important to establish a solid foundation.

To be sure, the beard is an arbiter of culture, class, power and piety.

Roman

Deity Viking

Papa Papa Bear

HISTORICAL CONTEXT

Contemporary survey.Stop this madness.

The myriad types of facial hair we find in these modern times can be highly technical in their everyday execution. Here are just a few samples: La SouvarovA sideburn / moustache combo, wherein the sideburn curves downward toward the corner of the mouth, then curves upward to the moustache.

The BalboA wide version of the goatee, accompanied by an unconnected moustache.

The GiribaldiA wide, full beard with a rounded bottom and integrated moustache.

The ImperialA moustache connected to hairs on the cheeks, which point upward, do not curl over, and leave the chin and sideburns bare.

Old DutchA full beard, worn square and without a moustache, cheeks are covered, chin is bare.

SOURCE: http://www.dyers.org/blog/beards/beard-types/

TYPES & DEFINITIONS

Handlebar and Chin Puff.Stop this madness.

Though the below listing is nowhere near comprehensive, it is demonstrative of the fact that there is a beard style for nearly every day of the year.

VISUALIZING YOUR STYLE

Epic facial #fails.Stop this madness.

YOU’RE DOING IT WRONGWhile facial hair is by definition subjective, there are numerous examples within the tradition of clear transgressions against the form. To wit:

Identifying traits.Stop this madness.

SURRENDER TO THE HIPNESSUrban Dictionary defines hipsters in part as “a subculture (with) an appreciation of art and indie-rock...” blah blah blah. They like facial hair. Two examples:

Accidental Hipster:Paul Bunyon

Original Hipster:Sir Paul

Key Identifyers

Skull capKnowing smirkFlannel ShirtBeard

Key Identifyers

CoffeeUgly sweaterPhotography habitBeard

SOURCE: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hipster

Blurring the lines.Stop this madness.

BROOKLYN vs. BROOKLYNHipster or Hassid? An eternal question, and one that I frequently ask myself while strolling the favored borough of the young and hip. Let’s watch:

If confronted by either of these elusive species, in their native environment, would you, if pressed, be able to tell the difference?

Strange days.Stop this madness.

POINTS FOR ORIGINALITYWhatever the reason, Northern European men with complicated beards get a lot of credit for all of their hard work, proving that a beard can be a labor of love:

This takes skill:Star man

The genuine article:Octopus face

Age: 39Beard age: 5Nationality: DutchOccupation: n/a

Age: 67Beard age: 67Nationality: GermanOccupation: Cobbler

Beard all you can be.Stop this madness.

Though you may not be aware, your facial hair is a conversation starter.

So use it for good, not evil.

CONCLUSION

Beards everywhere thank you.