1workzine

www.theworkzine.com

workzine

Volume 2, Issue 23rd February 2010

workzine

www.theworkzine.com

2

Dying to planEDITOR’S WORD

We have a new column : “Daring to dare” Meant to focus on those people out there doing their work in new ways or taking a chance on following their dreams and having a ball while at it.

And while we are on the topic of daring, we dare to list down the most common ten passwords in the world as found in survey by internet security firm imperva which means they are also the most unsafe. If your password is on the list below, change it

1. 123456 2. 12345 3. 123456789 4. Password<really!!> 5. I love you 6. Princess 7. Rockyou 8. 1234567 9. 12345678 10. Abc123

Enjoy your valentine’s.

Before i sign out i want to say hi to all our readers in ethiopia.

Businge Abid Weere

February is here. The second month of the year. For those of you still making personal new year resolutions, you need to catch up. The year is in full swing and quarterly appraisals are coming up.

Edward <Chartis> is unperturbed : “I work under pressure day in day out. Appraisal or not, I don’t care. Right now I am finalisng the things I hope to achieve professionally this year. ”

Mariam <CitiBank> is biting her nails over the years budget: “you have to do this stuff early . My forecasts have to be realistic and yet encouraging.

Meg <FIFA > is already over her head in work : “this darn world cup. Issues appear everywhere and yet I haven’t even started working on my own personals.”

Alard <Koddaert> is setting up for the stock taking: “right now , I am finalizing the preparations for stock taking. Its going to be wild.”

Alexia<> is not bothered : “to quote Stevie Wonder, Whats the

fuss ? Can’t you people see its Valentine!! I wonder ho many gifts I am going to get!!”

Erella <Francesco Smallto> concurs ; “to me this time of yaer is aabout celebrating love and appreciating my family. Work is important but family is my foundation.”

John <self employed > would rather forget about it : “these women put too much credence in valetines. All the girls at work are busy gossiping about what they received last year and guessing as to what they will get this year. Crap!!”

Faridah <in-between-jobs> doesn’t really care what the work season : “right now, if I had a job, I would nt mind how busy I was. I wouldn’t mind any job right now. Any work .”

Sarai <WFP> is just thankful to be alive : “I am looking at all the photos and statistics from Haiti and I am glad to be alive. To be able to work under a secure roof. ”

Dying to planDying to plan

• Egypt wins the African Cup of Nations trophy

• Haiti AID distribution picking up pace

• Ethiopian Airplane in fatal crash

• Nigeria crisis deepens

• Ugandan Oil wells deal brewing confusin amidst renewed deadly religious clashes

• Whitney Houston re-releases debut album on 25th year anniversary

• Chemical Ali executed

• World leaders attend lacklustre DAVOS 2010

• UN climate panel admits errors in its global warning data.

• Glaiciers to disappear by 2305 not 2035

In The

News

• English hotel starts bed- warmers service

• Man tries to break into jail in Oregon

• Indonesian President releases pop album

• Online palyer buys $330,000 worth of virtul real estate

• US drones not encrypted allowing insurgents to pinpoint drone locations

• “revolutionary “ IPAD launched

• Serena ends Henin dream

3workzine

www.theworkzine.com

DARING TO DARE is a new column which will showcase those brave souls out there who have decided to take a route that doesn’t offer immediate security, only opportunity and heart. Here is the story of Andrew Umah Tete in his own words

Growing up around the age of about 5years, I remember drawing all sorts of stuff in this old Dairy that my mum gave me and those were my first steps in Art. My elder Brother Stephen Umahtete ,who is an artist practicing his trade in Califonia, was a big inspiration.I learnt how to paint while at St. Mary’s College Kisubi because of the interest my Art teacher Mr. Katabulawao showed in my work . He went on to mentor me in the skill and along the way handing me a chance to have my first exhibition where did both paintings and molding with clay .

With my new found passion I painted in my holidays and sold my paintings to family members and friends for between $20 and $30 these paintings were mainly nature painting done in water colours . Today a Drewtete orginal painting goes for between $700 to $1500 . In 2004, I pursued a degree in Accounting and Finance . While at University I continued to practice

paintings and by this time I had graduated to using Oil paint on Canvas. I practiced so much art that most people who walked in my room thought I was studying Art. My thanks go to Ian Agwa and Musungu Marvin who helped me keep my dream alive during those times. After finishing University in 2008 I ventured in the job market and did interviews with some of the biggest names in Finance such as; Price Waterhouse Coopers, Ernst and Young, Deloitte . After a tiresome soul-sucking morale-sapping time –consuming friendship-killing year in the accounting industry , I awoke to the fact that what I was doing wasn’t for me . I quickly fell back to what I knew best and since then have never looked back, rediscovering my passion for life and I’m now painting at levels I never imagined. with God by my side and hard work the sky is the limit.

Most of my paintings are done in Oil paint on canvas, Acrylics on canvas and water colours as well.

The paintings have African themes and include; paintings of Animals, Landscapes, paintings which show themes like culture, dance and heritage. My paintings hang on the walls of numerous residencies in Uganda, Kenya and Tanzania.

I almost lost out on my dream and was trying to be a square peg in a round hole. My advice to people out there is be who you are and don’t try to be someone or something you are not, make up your mind today to be a great original rather than a cheap photo-copy.

One can view and contact the artist at www.drewtete.com, AndrewUmahtete@drewtete.com Tel: +256-782-639282 +256-713-639282

By Andrew Umah Tete <One gets a feeling that the writer does elegant brush strokes when writing in his ledger books >

Daring to Dare :

Drew Tete

Businge Abid WeereManaging Editor

Raymond Kukundakwe<rhino>Content and Design Editor

Jacque Kasoma Legal Affairs Editor

Darlyne KomukamaFashion Editor

Bernard Olupot Prose and Poetry Editor

Lourd Mathhias Muwonge Sports Editor

Edge Consult Business Editor

Gereminah Oberu Designer

Writers in this IssueBrian B. Coutinho Ernest BazanyeRonald Rwakigumba GNutsAndrew umah Tete Becky WanaDiana Sssali Mark AbrahamRafa’ili Isiagi MosesEric Keba Rowan EmslieHire Edward Mufumbiro Isaac

COVER PICTURE Jacque Kasoma & Obadiah Alfred

the team

workzine

www.theworkzine.com

4

It is not without a doubt that most of you working people have that second or third job from which you earn

you extra paper you take to favourite pub most of which ask for a buck too much for that silky tasting lager. A young dude like me cannot and will not survive on a measly salary, not with the gals you’re dating or the rent of that beat up place you live in. So for good measure and in order to buy at least two Bloody Marys at that new club, you will get to hustle and be able to actually provide the best of your services for a payment that the

tax authorities will never know about. For people in my line of profession, accounting, it is really necessary to get that extra job for what your employer pays is so meagre you always thinking of leaving but the next guy is not any better. One thus falls on the only option of making more money so that you can be able to service your salary loan and pay your rent and have a balance for taking out your chic to watch that new 3D movie in the cinema and not the lousy free download everyone has got a hold of.

Looking for the extra work is the hardest; one has to stoop to levels he never thought his knees could bend to! You send out messages to friends and foes advertising your services or new goods for sale. You create an account on Facebook and Twitter and close your Hi-5 account as no one knows if the website is still open. On Facebook you send out profile updates telling your peeps and those unlucky friends’ friends about your new service rates or latest Chinese/Dubai fake product imports. You even create a group on Facebook and for better results even send text messages to your entire phonebook telling them about the new stuff you have available.

With all the hooks placed out in the market you would be unlucky if you got no one to bite on your bait. But once a

bite comes in, you are up and working with the best professionalism you can muster. You pamper your client with all your apprehended professional client service “bull” you picked up at your official workplace. The level of customer pampering and the very cheap prices you will charge your client will prompt him/her to advise other people to seek and use your services.

Before you know it, you are spending more time hustling than at your contracted day job. The appraisals that come up at year end will subtly indicate that you are flat on your ass at work and thus need neither salary raise nor promotion. It bothers you not because currently you make at least twice or thrice your salary from your hustle and are barely bothered by your boss’ whining over your lacklustre work ethic. With such a lousy work attitude at your 8 to 5 job, it comes as no surprise that your boss throws in the towel on your relationship and asks you to clear your desk and look for another job. For you this is a blessing in disguise as you can sue for wrongful dismissal and also get to put in 110% in your hustle now christened a “Consultancy”.

Rafa’ili

CORPORATE

HUSTLE -

Making The

Extra Dime

It is impossible not to laugh. I mean why not laugh when there are men in this age and era, who not only

dislike the idea of a woman in the Manager’s outfit, but go as far as rubbish the very idea in those shallow lunches somewhere in Nakasero. I should pass as a fool to laugh, given these men are actually top executives, decision makers, and as they prefer to be known, ‘Stewards’ of the companies they happen to lead. The reason I may not hold back the laughter, foolish as it may seem, is that the tide has changed.

The need for efficiency, diversity, honesty, focus in the present day has superseded any need (if ever such a need existed) for holding onto age old traditions of having male managers. Women have been handed their much awaited diplomatic license to the Boardroom.Companies are becoming leaner, cost minimization is at the forefront of business today, new product development, and creativity are the engines of today’s corporate success. And women bring a fresher outlook to business, provide much needed diversity, are dependable and provide a much needed human and realistic outlook. Better still, women are strivers, they are goal oriented.

I love my father very much but it was mama who made sure I had a plate with something to devour. Fine, sometimes it was a roasted potato that I had to peel or some bananas she had wisely stored away, but she did provide! I can still see her swing that hope-laden-hoe as I effortlessly planted my yellowish teeth into the white raw cassava. If you gave men the home to run for half a day, they would make a mess of it. Little wonder women dread the prospect of leave days for their husband. I mean these guys show up at home, and turn into one sincere problem.

Presently there is a misplaced notion that women are being done a favor to be invited to the boardroom. This isn’t true because frankly speaking, I cannot stand 5 minutes of a typical Ugandan Board meeting. I mean a bunch of guys sit there for an hour hatching business ideas that you and I know will never see the light of day. But they always have an intelligent lady to put some meat to those weak plans in the minutes. They are not blind, they know the faults of those plans, to such an extent they even issue disclaimers to the ideas just proposed. They simply can’t help it. Gentlemen, that’s what you get when you lock out diversity, brilliance and wit, when you lock the woman

out.I happen to own a ‘company’ called ‘my person’ and the reason I ‘recruited’ a woman called ‘wife in waiting’, was to bring common sense, development, reality, truth into my person. Problem is our recruit is taking her job very seriously, and you all know that does not augur well with the best of us. Lady here is to begging that you perform your job less well – lol.Guys like me do not do the Boardroom. Too dull and vain for our liking – but that too our recruit might change.

Anyhow, the laughter has dried out by now. Ladies, it will take a lot of effort to obtain a gate pass to the executive boardroom. The times are in your favor.I’ve made my point, and here is to inviting you to the boardroom as I know you will find your seat, or the very least you will drag your chair there.Granted, I ask but one favor, please avoid those dull, empty, egocentric, little lunches with those male chauvinists. Talk to real men who will respect you and build you. If for nothing, you can do without the humiliations. Bon Voyage. RONALD RWAKIGUMBA

Welcome to the Boardroom.

5workzine

www.theworkzine.com

Myths of Owning a small business

Myth: Entrepreneurs are risk-taking visionaries.Truth: You don’t have to be a swashbuckling risk taker to run your own show. “These glamorous stories serve … a few people who exhibit a variety of specific traits,” says Len Schlesinger, president of Babson College in Babson Park, Mass. “Entrepreneurs are actually very good at avoiding risk rather than taking it on.”

Myth: The idea is more important than the details.Truth: Whiz-bang new technologies and business models are sexy, but they aren’t a requirement. “A well-executed, decent idea is better than a poorly-executed, excellent idea,” says Gerald Shreiber, founder and chief executive of J&J Snack Foods . Shreiber’s secret to minding the details: a healthy dose of paranoia. “I have 2,600 people to worry about,” he says. “Somewhere, God or my parents and grandparents are watching over me.”

Myth: Jealously guard your idea, lest someone might steal it.Truth: You may be onto something, but you surely don’t have all the answers (if you even knew to ask all the right questions). “While you don’t want to put your entire business plan on the Internet, entrepreneurs who do their homework look to a relatively large but select number of people to talk through their ideas,” says Reid Hoffman, founder and chief executive of LinkedIn.com.

Myth: Your business plan must be rock solid from the get-go.Truth: Building a company is an iterative process, says Hoffman, and entrepreneurs must be willing to adapt--to changes in customer demand or the competitive landscape. “It’s not like chess where you have a pre-formulated, deterministic strategy and must get all the moves in exactly the right sequence,” he says. There should be a principal plan in place but it should be flexible and updated

constantly. Says Hoffman: “No battle plan survives impact with the enemy.”

Myth: Passion will get you there.Truth: Passion can ease the pain of 15-hour days, galvanize employees and win over customers. In some cases, it can even enthrall deep-pocketed investors. But it is no silver bullet. The most effective entrepreneurs learn to modulate their emotions, says Rich Gelfond, chief executive of IMAX . His mantra: “It’s never as good as it looks, or as bad as it seems.”

Myth: You can set your own schedule.Truth: “I thought I’d be the boss and sit back and put my feet up,” says Mike Zaya, chief executive of Printrunner. Reality looked a bit different, including a several-night stretch of sleeping but two hours a night at the office. “You end up being the goalie of the company, and the goalie has to sacrifice their body,” adds Zaya. “You have to be the first man in and last man out on any given day.”

Myth: There’s glory in it.Truth: For all its rewards, entrepreneurship can also feel like a thankless job. “No one tells me that I did really well, it’s always me telling everyone else that,” says Amir Korangy, owner of the Real Deal. Korangy says entrepreneurs need internal motivation and reassurance because it rarely comes from outside. “After a few years, you want someone to say you’re doing good work,” he adds.

Adopted from forbes.com. Read full article : http://www.forbes.com/2009/11/12/small-business-myths-entrepreneurs-management-myths.html

Retirement Watch:

It’s been a whole week but from beneath the incongruous rubble a little hand emerges and punches the fetid air. It’s weak and limp and if they don’t dig quicker and carefully it’s little owner will certainly join the other two hundred thousand thought dead. More anxiously they dig inhaling the air that is putrid with the smell of rotting Haitian humanity through improvised face masks, their rudimentary tools making progress even harder. They call out to the child who responds with a barely audible cry and the anxious mother who led them to him can scarcely hold back her tears. Once again nature has demonstrated it’s brutality and in the immense heat and

humidity of the Haitian night the victims hopelessly stagger through the streets whispering to voodoo deities as Ugandan Christians blame it on Satan. Some shall envy the dead for after the quake comes the plagues, the thirst, the hunger and the retrospection. Some will die of loneliness, some will die of fear, some will kill and even as they celebrate avoiding the first death a new death looms in earth’s belching gut as aftershocks continue to rock the land.

They can almost touch the child now and the mother’s excitement is hard to contain as she reassures her frightened spawn. A few more boulders, a few more planks of wood, a few more kilos of rubble and the child may be free. A little pull, a tentative push and a bit of effort later and the child is finally free. It’s time to take the photo and cue CNN and BBC and Al Jazeera. And the global chain of information exchange begins as the image traverses across the globe from CNN to yahoo.com to Associated Press to Reuters and finally to the New Vision front page. It’s a powerful image, an improbable story and a reminder of the incredible resilience of the human being but it tells another story, a much more familiar one. There’s a towering white being in a safety helmet holding the frightened infant negro form to the moonlit heavens surrounded by concentric rings of humanity. The inner ring comprises more white forms save for the bedraggled negro form that is the weeping mother and the first negro forms appear from the third rings onwards and they are thin, disheveled creatures holding rudimentary tools, pitiful nonentities in the story that are blurred out by the final edit.

My darting eyes look up at the browser title bar and I realize I have an incoming message from Majorie. She’s first class proof that the company intranet was a flat out failure as no body uses it. Normally she calls me when she has a problem with her internet or when she can’t open attachments in her mail. She has the lowest technical aptitude I’ve ever encountered and normally that would piss me off but each time I see her certain ganglia in my brain fire and all I can compute is images of her and I that even Da Vinci would be shy to paint.

Since the very first time when we both came in for the internship interview she’s made me feel this way but I’m waiting for the right moment ergo a promotion to CIO coz I grew up in a laboratory and she in the real world and whilst most people are totally comfortable expressing their feelings the whole idea is a highly complex academic problem for me and I compensate for my lack of charm with cash. She says she needs to send a photo via her msn messenger and she hasn’t got a clue how to do it. I’m about to get up but suddenly my administration window indicates that an application is running low on space. I tell her I’ll do it over lunch and bring the administration window to the fore ground but just before I click the space management utility link she goes, “Please darling I need to do it now...”. The combination of please and darling destabilizes momentarily and my finger becomes paralyzed with indecision as I chose between a potential down event and being sweetly exploited by Majorie.

“Why do u have to do it so urgently?” I ask. “There’s this white guy I met at sway and he’s asked me for my picture...am so excited!” she goes. She really sounds excited and its obvious this guy could take her if he wanted but he wants to so logically he has. There’s an instantaneous explosion of discomfort in my mind and the picture I was looking at just a few moment’s ago returns to haunt me. I’m thinking how much I want her, how much every guy in this building adores her and how she has started a mini war between Tech and Marketing and a skirmish between the cleaning staff and the security and how she gives every trouser in this building a massive erection and I’m wondering just how she could be so excited about some random white bloke she met at Sway. Somehow he has relegated all of us to the periphery and blurred our desperate negro faces in the final edit and a triumphal white face now dominates the foreground standing victoriously over the spoils as we helplessly look on.

By Mark Abraham <the writer lives and works in London. Enuf said>

the finaledit

“...nature has demonstrated it’s brutality and in the immense heat and humidity of the Haitian night...”

workzine

www.theworkzine.com

6

Poetic Indulgence

She will Love MeI will call her this eveningI will tell her I love herI will ask her to call meShe will call Tom instead. I will surprise her with dinnerDuring Dinner she will text TomI will meet her more oftenShe will ask for her space. When I pick her in my carShe will ask for my residence

She is in love with the residence, its contents too.

Mariah says she too is a ladyAnd ladies adore nice things.

On her birthday I will present her an automobileMariah is in love with TomThe house, automobile, property, Mariah also loves. Mariah and I are married now.She too is a ladyAnd ladies do like nice possessionsEven when the giver is me. A widower. Mariah will love meShe is my trophyA prize to be show cased.She will love me. Ronald RwakigumbaJan 2010.

Fingerprints In the Darkness, you are the LightIn between my Tears you are the

SmileYour arms are Home

Your warmth like a new DawnThen you brush my CheekAnd the <ark is sealed Mould yourself into Me

Transform my inner BeingLook down into my EyesTear my Skin apartGaze at my SoulTouch if you can

Tonight I come undoneDrink from my CupDrink to your fill

For I will give you more of thisWith the Fingerprints of your hand

Auma Maria

There used to be one thingOne thing that often made me smileOne thing that made me excitedOne thing that got me all Happy That one thing is now gone

There use to be one thingOne thing that never let me downOne thing I clung on to desperatelyOne thing I was so happy to giveBut its now a thing of the past

There use to be one thingOne thing that made me CryNot tears of sadness but of JoyWhenever I remember that one thingSadness sweeps over my entire beingIt was YOUR LOVE but its now gone

Mubiru Bridget

There used to be One Thing

7workzine

www.theworkzine.com

The Feel of You I catch a whiff of you around me, And it wakes my inactive mind, I start to think of you unconsciously, Wishing I could rub against your skin, And feel your warmth one more time.

The thought triggers the desire building inside, It awakens the longing from a deep sleep, Heating up the ecstasy my senses dream of, For hours I stay locked up in a sensual trance, Rousing feelings not many words can describe.

I call on you barely audible to my own ears, Hoping you can feel my voice across your chest, When I spell each word on it with my tongue, I want this to be the secret only your heart can keep, Held sacred every time you take over my mind. Sheila

He loudly proclaims that he Lovers HerNormally he is a loud and noisy StarBut when he is close to HerAll he can do is StareFor he is the humblest guy Ever

Most say they detest CorruptionThat they work for the PopulationBut take a close look at the SituationTheir port bellies are a true ManifestationThat they are Variables at both ends of the Equation

Then there is thing they call ReligionIt has quite often caused Confusion

And usually leads to DivisionBut is humanity not One Legion?

And is religion not meant cause Fusion?

Now look at this poem I WriteIts something I write with InsightHoping it will make someone smile InspiteBut am sure it will bring forth

SpiteNothing makes sense Anymore.

And am Right!!!!

Bernard Ewalu Olupot P.R.O Voice Communication (U) Ltd

Nothing Makes Sense

Anymore

workzine

www.theworkzine.com

8

The Employment Act

2006 states that sexual

harassment occurs when

a request is made indirect or

directly for sexual intercourse,

sexual contact or any other form

of sexual activity by an employee

or employer.

The sexual harassment could be

in the form of:

Quid Pro Quo Harassment

(“Something for something”):

This refers to an express of implied

promise of preferential treatment

or express or implied threat of

detrimental treatment related to

the job. For example, a supervisor

promises an employee a salary raise

if she will go out on a date with

him or tells an employee she will be

fired if she doesn’t sleep with him.

Hostile Environment Sexual

Harassment:

This occurs when an employee

is subjected to comments of a

sexual nature, offensive sexual

materials, or unwelcome physical

contact as a regular part of the

work environment. However, a

single isolated incident will not

be considered hostile environment

harassment unless it is extremely

outrageous

Measures to combat sexual

harassment at the office:

1. Adopt a clear sexual

harassment policy. (The

Employment Act states that an

employee who employs more than

25 people at the work place is

required to have in place measures

to prevent sexual harassment).

That policy should: define

sexual harassment, state zero

tolerance for sexual harassment,

state disciplinary measures for

any wrongdoers, set out a clear

procedure for filing sexual

harassment complaints, state

investigation procedures for any

claims, and state zero tolerance

for any retaliation against a sexual

harassment complainant.

2. Train employees, supervisors

or managers on:

What sexual harassment is and How

to utilize the complaint procedure

3. Monitor your workplace.

Keep the lines of communication

open.

4. Take all complaints seriously.

According to the Employment Act,

an employee is entitled to lodge a

complaint with the Labour office to

deal with such complaints.

By Jackie Kasoma

<the writer is passionate about

human rights and likes visiting

the dentist !!!!! Seriously !!!>

whereas the laws referenced here are Ugandan, they are more or

less the same worldwide– ed

know your rights

sexual harassment

9workzine

www.theworkzine.com

REVIEW :

A work of fiction that is able to alter the mindset of the most placid reader is a rare and beautiful find. A Thousand

Splendid Suns is one such tale, about the lives of two Afghan women, in the midst of a war that strips them of everything they have and know. There is no hope for them to start over, the law prohibits it and fate will not permit it. This agonizing and yet, enlightening journey is etched with violence, pain, grief, courage and eventually hope. It is a vivid depiction of how religion and culture are used to justify the brutality with which human beings treat each other. It is also a testament of the sheer strength of the human will and the ability to endure and prevail.I couldn’t help but draw parallels between the situation portrayed in the novel and that in our own backyard. Human rights violations are rampant in Africa and the world over. We

have become a docile people, too polite to pry or ask questions even when atrocities are being staged right before our eyes. We place the people in power on a pedestal and expect them to solve all our problems, while turning a deaf ear and blind eye to a woman who is abused by her husband, in our neighbourhood. Our leaders cannot do for us, what we have failed to do ourselves. It is ironic that although South Africa is the only country in Africa that has legalised homosexuality, it is one of the most unsafe places for gay people who are terrorized and abused by their own kin. The law cannot be for us, what we must be ourselves. This is one responsibility that is ours, and ours alone to carry.That being said, I want this book to make you uncomfortable. I hope it causes you to open your eyes, find a solution, and then become part of

MOVIE REVIEW :

A PROPHET

So “A Prophet”, a prison drama by Jacques Audiard, has been released in the cinemas and is awash with the ooze of love that has seeped out of the pores of every critic in sight (except for Mr Au Contraire, who should stick to art criticism). Rightly so, it’s a damn fine film. But why oh why wasn’t more attention paid to “A Serious Man” when it came out a month or so before? It was one of the saddest, wittiest, strangest and utterly disquieting comedies I’ve seen - it reminded me of “Dr Strangelove” and some of those great Woody Allen films to put it into a bit of context. Annoyingly I did have to watch it on a computer screen as between the two cinemas in the lovely town of Bath there was just the one showing of it which I missed (grumble - might’ve had too much drink and forgot - grumble). Why do critics insist of championing the same film? A couple of years ago it was “Brokeback Mountain” - it was pretty good but come on it wasn’t that good - and then there was “Jarhead” which was just boring and

definitely not the “Apocalypse Now” of my generation that it was billed as. That was a weird line for that film, comparing the two movies just made it obvious how average it really was. It’s like using Jonny Depp as your wingman, madness. Although it did mean I re-watched Coppolla’s masterpiece again... By all means go out and watch “A Prophet” because it’s a good film (if a little long) which I thoroughly enjoyed. But “A Serious Man” has stuck with me much more, it was warmer and smarter. Plus the surrealism in it doesn’t sporadically introduce a ghost for no discernible reason, just a rabbi quoting Jefferson Airplane through an impossibly wrinkled face...

By Rowan Emslie <the writer is a lazy literary genius,

hopefully a diamond that someone will pick up from the dirt in the

pigsty. >

A Thousand Splendid Suns

it. I hope it will spur you to love and respect for all human life, regardless of gender, age, religion, position, status, sexual orientation or race.Have a great read

By Becky Wana

workzine

www.theworkzine.com

10

Piff Pictorial

11workzine

www.theworkzine.com

Piff Pictorial

workzine

www.theworkzine.com

12

idler’s cornerOk, so here’s the thing, I have no idea what to write,

SURPRISE!! But our dear darling Editor will not take kindly to having a blank page in the workzine… (Of

course I will NOT be sidelined), so it falls to me to try and fill this page with something, not sure what yet but I’m pretty sure something will come up. You will read all the way to the end, won’t you? Even if I do break into song?So here I am, sitting at my pc… sound familiar? He he, don’t worry; I’m not going to go through all that again, at least, I think not. It really was a good story you know, sitting in the parking lot and all… I just don’t remember all of it now.Where was i? Oh, nowhere yet, huh? The workzine is great, you know that? And not just cuz I write for it (hmm, its been a while since the old ego looked in, Wassup dude?HEY!!You know I cannot function without you, so what gives?YOU WERE WALKING ALL OVER ME!!Ach, shush! (For some reason, I can never type the word “shush” properly the first time round, always comes out as shshu or shsush or hsush… annoying, huh?))You know, it just occurred to me the other day that (really, you don’t have to listen to my ruminations, you’ll either lose your way or get me so thoroughly confused I forget the point I’m trying to make and just go like, “No, what I mean is, uh uh,

no, its like…” you catch my drift, don’t you? I know someone who does that and I’m supposed to be the one who can dance circles around their head!!) Well, it just occurred to me the other day that… hmm, what occurred to me?See that person I told you about? She just called me so now all I have going on in my head is a pleasant buzz… aah, that feels good. (Ed, designer or whatever, I want a smiley face here, and not one that looks constipated like some of those yahoo ones, I mean one that’s actually hig-ppy I meant happy, happy, not high, just happy). You know what, gimme a few moments; I need to just go let it out. (you know, if it were alcohol giving me the buzz, this would be the time I’d be heading for the urinals, and doing my best to aim for the one in the middle, never mind that when I was completely sober there was just one, but seeing as it is not alcohol (cross my heart) I am just going to stand outside in the sun and grin like a complete idiot for a bit, and try my best not to do the “Sound of music” thingy.)Aah, that was nice, you know, the feel of the sun on my face, the cool breeze floating over from the lodge next door, (it’s called Paradise Guesthouse, seriously, Paradise?!! At least the other one stuck to Guddy’s, oh, that one used to be called Luts,

until someone added an “S” somewhere). Ok, the feel of the sun was nice, for now; hopefully it doesn’t turn out to be one of those baking hot days that can actually get you to sympathize with what the cake goes through before it’s ready to eat.You know what, let me just tell you about my lunch. I know I’m having breakfast now, that doesn’t exactly stop me from talking about lunch, now does it? (by the way, on a completely unrelated note, I just heard about “boda boda” (the place, not the popular road hazard) the other day (ok, so maybe I do live in the past. But just a bit), maybe that’s what occurred to me? Hmm... Anyway, heard about it and how it’s for only the elite (or so they believe apparently, but seriously, they are going to a place called “boda boda!”) of our bourgeois society and… and I have completely forgotten the point I was trying to make.)Hmm, well, back to my lunch. (Hang on a sec; Yes Abid, I know I’ve gone way past six hundred words, bite me. Not literally. They never do manage to fill the page anyway. Hey hey hey, I said not literally!! Okay, okay, I’ll stop, I’m stopping! Sheesh!! Crazy bugger.) by Brian b, countinho

B.L.U 3 Unplugged

There has always been this BIG question as to whether and how one of the famous music acts in the country would may be defy the history book keepers’ notion surrounding all-girl singing groups and survive the test of time. I would have thought that this needed a BIG answer as well but it never occured to me that I would get an easy one (answer) during one of my idle breaks. I think it has everything to do with the mind of the person responsible for the group’s survival. People, I honestly think this person is so into “Hya-Hu-Hyeng” movies (Kung-fu movies) that to be in Blu3 you need to have some kind of connection with the action stuff. This might not have been openly portrayed for all to see but it takes a simple mind to figure it out. This person might not even know it himself but it’s a manifestation of the usually ignored subconscience.

THE IDLE THOUGHTS SERIES [V1.0.1]

The theory of simple answers

Let me get to the point! Jacky Chandiru has survived coz she is Jacky Chandiru. Let’s say that again. JACKIE CHAN DIRU. Yes! She shares a name with one of the all time greats of the Chinese movie industry. My dear Lilliane for some reason shortened her name to Li. She had no idea that would be her reason for survival in the group - I don’t think Jet Li needs any introduction here. Ok now let’s see.......... C.I.N.D.E.R.E.L.L.A!! Correct me if I’m wrong but I have never seen any Cinderella theme in any kung fu movie to start with.... let alone any @$$ kicking lady called Cinderella! To be fair, let’s check out the other name. S.A.N.Y.U! That name would make the Kabaka happy anyday but folks, do you now see why she had to leave??? >>Fast forward to the replacement. Mya! Easy stuff! You all remember the always bad and tough Mr. Miagi? or is it.... Mr. MYAgi??? hehehehehe. See? I remember Edith (Mya) from the Kombat days. She looked like a “Baganda” (her second name) but some make up artist had to go on and upgrade her to look like a Chinese movie star to make up for the lack of prolificity that Mr. MYAgi had in the industry as compared to Jackie Chan and Jet Li. Hmmmmmm! ...okay, now I see you are beginning to think I’m too idle, right? Well, may be, may be not! After all, it’s my idle thoughts, right? Fine, let me leave you with a challenge: Get any of those “blingi da balance” speaking people [boda boda, taxi conductor, etc] ask them to pronounce these two names: 1. Blu3 2.Bruce Lee I rest my case!

Disclaimer

The “Idle Thoughts” series which has begun with unplugging Blu3 is solely meant

for fun [Jokes] for bored Ugandans at work and does not represent the views of

the writer! By Keba Eric

BLU 3

13workzine

www.theworkzine.com

REJECTION LETTER RESPONSE TEMPLATE

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for

employer or publisher, just send them the following:

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After

careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to

accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a

contract to publish my book].

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an

unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied

and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept

all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this

letter]’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in

rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does

not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with your

firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get

creative here]. I look forward to working with you.

Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts].

Sincerely, [your name]

comedy central

Management

reserves

the right

of

admission

What I have here you will not believe. This, lays ‘n gennermun, is no ordinary Coca Cola. This, friends and colleagues, is a Speke Resort Munyono Coca Cola.Naturally, therefore, it costs a lot more than a merely mortal coke. Two thousand five hundred shillings. Now, experience has shown the wise among us, those of us who are not too stupid or stubborn to learn, that when it comes down to it, when you break it down to the bare essentials, there is no difference between a coke from that converted container outside your school and a coke at a posh hotel.It’s like Rihanna vs That Chick From Vogue Magazine on UBC. The difference is not in the essence. The difference is in the ephemera. In the superficial, the surface, the add-ons, the things that surround the essence. You see, when it boils down to it, Rihanna and TCFVMOUBC are basically the same thing: sources of televised amusement. The only difference is the packaging. Riri is soooo hot, banange.It’s the same with a coke. And if I pay a lot more for a soda, I expect it to be Rihanna. I expect it to come in a very clean glass. With a wedge of lemon and some ice. On a coaster. And with a waiter if not a waitress smiling as if they would sincerely be more than happy to wipe my ass for me should I require it.I certainly did not expect to pay 2,500 bob for a soda in a plastic tumbler that had

evidently just been scrubbed with steel wool.You should know that this was at the poolside at Speke Resort. It costs 20,000 to swim in the Olympic-sized pool on the premises, but to just sit around and not swim at all costs 10,000. That’s the entry charge for non-swimmers.Why would they charge you to do nothing?It’s not because they are after your money, by the way. No. It is evidently to discourage broke muhfuckers like myself from thinking they can just stroll in and buy nothing but a coke and then stroll out as if Speke F. Resort Munyonyo is their kafunda.I am willing to bet, I am willing to bet a lot of money, that if I was actually a big spender, probably from outside countries, Nigeria inclusive, and I walked into Speke Resort Munyonyo’s pool area dangling Toyota Harrier keys and wearing Ray-Bans, and if I actually swam, then got out of the pool and ordered a Milan steak with my coke, that shit would come in a glass. With a lemon wedge and some ice. On a coaster. And the waiters would offer to wipe my wet ass for me.I am sure of it.By Ernest Bazanye <the writer obviously doesn’t drive a Toyota harrier but seems to have a weird dream of a waitress wipe his wet ass>

QUOTES FROM EMPLOYEE APPRAISAL REPORTS

1. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has

started to dig.

2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of

morbid curiosity.

3. I would not allow this associate to breed.

4. Works well when under constant supervision and cor

nered like a rat in a trap.

5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to

change whichever foot was previously in there.

6. He would be out of his depth in a puddle.

7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

8. She sets low personal standards and then consistently

fails to achieve them.

9. This associate should go far - and the sooner he starts the

better.

10. This associate is depriving a village somewhere of an

idiot.

workzine

www.theworkzine.com

14

Why Should I Care

First of all, don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t for a minute doubt the purity and sincerity of the feelings

you have for the victims of the Haiti quake. A lot of people got a seriously messed up deal that day. It sucks.

Now, outside my office building, sits a man. He has been there for years. He’s not well. Something is wrong with his head and he just gravitates to this office—or to the spot on which this office was built—no matter how many times he is sent away. A few years ago some reporters found out that he was from Gulu and got the money together to send him back. In a couple of months he had returned, to just sit outside the offices, just sitting, silently. He doesn’t talk. Doesn’t even beg. He just sits there. I called him No Guarantees. He now has elephantiasis. His legs are swollen and disfigured and I think they may be rotting because they smell. On our way to lunch we don’t use the side of the pavement he is on.

Of course we think it’s a shame and a pity that this had to happen to a human being and, honestly, if I could donate 10k off my phone bill to cure him of elephantiasis and poverty and whatever else ails him, I would. But there is nothing so simple that I can do. To save him I would have to make some very large sacrifices of my own. We all would. And that is why it is just easier to block him out.

It a strange thing that it is a possible thing. We have the capacity as human beings to do this—to walk right past him every single day without being overcome by feelings of guilt or pity or sadness. We do it every day. And it’s not just No Guarantees. The world is teeming with dire straits that we disregard.

If unearned suffering is deserving of sympathy, then Haiti has been owed a telethon for years before the quake hit. But for all those years, Haiti was in the blind zone – the suffering we don’t see Or don’t look at. Because I think you have to make an at least demi-concious effort to not care. You have to pick and chose what you are going to spend your limited amount of sympathy on.

Perhaps we are more inclined to care about circumstances we believe we have a hope of changing. We, as the non-earthquake shaken world, see the problem as children trapped under rubble. We can get behind the cause of lifting the rubble and freeing the children.

We don’t see it as a problem of children trapped in a cycle of dehumanising deprivation that feeds on itself and from which there is no escape.

Perhaps the size of the tragedy before us compels us to care more. An earthquake killed 150,000? That will get more status messages than the 178 or bodies that were dug out of a pits and wells in Jos, Nigeria, victims of religious murders.

Because I have learned to be such a cynic and believe that everything anyone does they do because they perceive it at some level to be in their best interest, I am going to consider that we chose to care about the things that cost us the least.

Auden, contemplating a painting by Brueghel the Elder one day observed how this, and many paintings of momentous occasions, both sad and glorious, always had some mundane detail of everyday life pursuits going on in the background, unconcerned

with the dramatic events in the fore. “About suffering they were never wrong, The Old Masters; how well, they understood

Its human position; how it takes place while someone else is eating or opening a window or just walking dully along...” He observed how “everything turns quite leisurely away from the disaster.”

Name Withheld. <the writer requested for name to be withheld>

What is your response to this article? Email us at theworkzine@gmail.com

If unearned suffering is deserving of sympathy, then Haiti has been owed a telethon for years before the quake hit. But for all those years, Haiti was in the blind zone – the suffering we

don’t see Or don’t look at.

15workzine

www.theworkzine.com

The After Work Read:

Remembering 2009

2k9 season’s festivities have wound up to a sadistic halt. (1) The meltdown continues to bite harder into the coffers like a hungry sub Saharan termite. (2) You are stuck behind familiar furnishings,

eyes glued to a laptop screen, working like an office mole, the kind that silently generates legal tender for whoever cares to harvest from your sweat. That must be painful, but cheer up; here is this time’s concoction of meaning-less banter to help your hours run a little bit faster towards whatever is left of your annual leave or basic pub time. Presenting this edition’s after work read, take it away….. Propensity for nudity I guess you have always wondered what kind of moral diet the scribes at yours truly thrive on, I have too. Their regurgitation unearthed the kind of perversion that would make a retired porn star green with envy. It is arguably the worst since ‘Mr Schneider’ the retired porn star in question, of the late 70’s, dude must have turned in his grave with thunderous applause. It is rumoured this dude invented everything that your nearest video library will gladly and most importantly illegally distribute to any modern day teenager. He orchestrated modern day adult cinema with the slogan: porn and perm for a man of pomp’. How I wish I was the one who made up the name and the story: that means don’t bother with Google. But back to the scribes, they threw unto us a series of rudely naked citizens in compromising position, holding uncom-promising equipment. They made sure there was a good mix of nationals, its as though the entire continent was black mailed, a flavour of senior chaps engaging in wicked molestations with the ever cooperating junior ones in a dif-ferent location than their home country and wearing fab-rics made from another shortly before they went haywire. If you missed out on this blinding experience perhaps the chap seated next to you knows a friend who received a bulk sms originating from without, of which after viewing the contents, he or she retired for the day with unquench-able disgust. The one where the female holds onto her trophy voraciously in her twos still provokes….wait for it x2…emotions of gender triumph in some circles. Social satiety Speaking of emotions and provocations, this year also saw social unrest last seen, well, in the previous year. Whether it is against the modus operandi of foreigners, a general dislike for rule of law, or whatever social mismatch, Ugan-dans proved to have a high affinity for unrest. And to stick to tradition, most roads were closed off for a period of 3 days, working days if I may add. This must have put a sly

smile across your face so much that after years of spiritual abstinence you must have re-joined the Sunday congre-gation to silently pray that the differences lasted a week more in between two other public holidays that the rest of the world rightfully acknowledge. How the mayhem began is still scanty but from the work-ezine desk, some abrasive in the wee hours of a stray mid week, instead of sweating like the rest of us, gathered a lynch mob of 30 men, ad-ministered a lethal dose of political hypnosis. After which, we all know what ensued: cue iron bars, cue stones, cue tear gas amidst the loot of the once than the MUK students ever staged a couple months earlier as sort of a preamble. The populace always slow to react thanks to the financial melt down was caught unawares as men went on rampage like deranged Batmen. On a sad note lives were lost; in exchange there was a 3 day curfew that didn’t stop Rouge from opening till late, what more motivation was required to foster the financial meltdown. Culture or revamped witchcraft The financial meltdown managed to be in the headlines for the best part of the year. Any alien could mistake it to be the number one cause of gonorrhoea. And here at 256, it meant that locals had to think extra to milk unsuspecting locals of hard earned legal tender using local herbs. It is amazing how herbs last used in the 1800’s resurfaced with the vengeance of an Egyptian mummy. But here is why. Money and happiness can never be mentioned in the same breath, but that is a notion you and me have refuted time and again. But to stress the century old conundrum, money is not happiness, and this is the loop-hole some locals exploited to put bread on the table. This was the sequence or there about: he/ gets money, he/she can’t do it right because he/ she does not have it in the right places, he/ she dials a certain 07-number to get herbs to redeem the situa-tion. If you are creative enough, it is like a secret-code you can actually feed into MS Excel to appreciate the cyclic tendencies along side your boss’s never ending traumatis-ing assignments. I will leave that to your imagination but you can get a hint from that friend recording stray phone numbers on road side electricity polls. Any complaints or comments are strictly to be kept to yourself. It is for your own good. Shalom. By Mufumbiro Isaac <The writer is an auditor.>

workzine

www.theworkzine.com

16

Nasty Lessons in New York It’s interesting when out of the blue at work, your boss turns to

you and asks if you would like to take a tour of the big apple, relax and get to see the Statue of liberty, enjoy fine cuisines,

stroll through Central Park, climb up Empire state building, take a night boat tour , meet people from diverse cultures, experience the hectic and confusing use of the subway, order Macdonald burger and even more exciting , you are to do it more than once in a year. For a typical white collar enthusiast, you turn to you boss and say : “ofcourse! Where do I sign?” Little do you know that the legal department/HR has been diligently working for three months to produce a watertight three paged contract with a number of draconian clauses. And of course the declaration binding you to the company couldn’t by pass the chief editor’s ears. He seriously had to hint on it <see #1 Workzine>.

There is no fun in traveling till you reach your destination. But sometimes you learn the hard way. For a meager $100 extra on a ticket denied cost me 8 hours in transit instead of 2 hours. There is nothing cheap in a Duty free shop, especially on shirts and ties! I was advised by HR that when I arrive in New York, I should only use a yellow cub costing $50 and act as if I was a typical born New Yorker so as not to be duped with common high charges. But ended up spending $197(net salary for some WorkZine readers, no offence) on a black cub heading to the financial district-Manhattan. Forget not this lesson; when you go to Rome, seriously do what the Romans do and pay the damn cub driver his tip. Always use the yellow cub and not any Limo services .

Come day one of class, anxiety catches up to me . Before leaving for this trip, I was drilled by colleagues on how I’m going to be learning with the top brainy recruits from around the world. And how the courses are gruesome and intense . Au contraire!! I have 30 minutes of learning, in between breaks, munching cookies and washing them down with lattes (that’s where I got the extra weight) and having sushi or burgers for Lunch. Every evening is really intense training in the bars and streets of New York. Some crucial lessons I learnt is that when you have a hot European blonde whispering in your ear with a strong Celtic accent the whole evening, accompanied with zero proximity between you and her, do not think she is’ hitting on you’. She might just be having a normal conversation with you. These are commonly defined as a normal body gestures back in her home country. It took 5 of us, disappointed guys to figure it out on day 4 of the training. Being summer, I really understood how a slow cooked turkey felt in the oven. I had to get rid of my tie and wanted to don shorts. One thing for sure, Nsaba Buturo<Ugandan Minister of Ethics and Integrity> would not appreciate the mini skirts and short - shorts that parade and flaunt the streets of New York during summer.

Shopping is very crucial as you move from on e store to another. But one should never go with a colleague from Europe whenever shopping. You find that your salary is 10% of what you colleague earns. Interestingly, you can’t fail to find a flea market in this cosmopolitan city. The problem is when you start converting every cent to a typical Ugandan shilling; so many zeros appear that you just turn your head and look on as your colleagues keep on swiping their cards. I also tried my Crane Access visa card to show we can also swipe but ended up paying cash because I had not deposited any cash on that account. Bugger!!! At least I have learnt my lesson. When I go back, I will be prepared. Watch out New York!!!!

Hire Edward <the writer is an underwriter,of sorts, who has enviable annual

trainings in NY that he uses to make his girth more round and head bigger >

YOUR

PLAYLIST

1. Drops of Jupiter - Train 2. Satisfation - Eve 3. Chariot - Gavin de Graw 4. Adrienne - The Calling 5. Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows 6. Bibanke - Asa 7. Loving you - Alicia Keys 8. Say it All Over Again - James Morrison 9. Pimpin All Over the World - Ludacris 10. Yellow - Coldplay 11. I’m Yours - Jason Mraz 12. Father and Son - Boyzone 13. When Love Takes Over - Kelly Rowland 14. Hey There Delilah - Plain White Ts 15. Wake Up alone - Amy Winehouse

Diana Sssali <the writer had the onerous pleasure of jumping at Wyclef Jean in Nairobi and he signed on her ……. t-shirt>

Diana Ssali I’m at my desk at 6 p.m. on a public holiday, paying for the fact that I was out until 4 a.m. last night even though I knew I’d have to put in at least 8 hours of work today. Did I feel guilty while I was out? Not once. Do I regret it now? Not a chance. Contrary to the general opinion of everyone around me who considered me ‘the baby’, and thought I didn’t get the music, the DJ was good. I’m young (in comparison to the senior citizens whose company I was in), but old enough to appreciate good old 90s music.So, last night in the middle of one of those 90s songs, I remembered the concept of DEDS. Remember Deds? You (and by this I emphatically mean YOU and not ME) would write a long elaborate letter to that girl you spoke to for 5 minutes at some Geography seminar, and then at the end of it you would write something like this:Deds:1. I Wanna Know by Joe2. Some song by the Backstreet Boys3. Some song by Nsync4. Lucky by Britney Spears5. I will always love by Whitney Of course, back then you would have known the names of those songs, but that was years ago, and my inability to remember the names of those songs is evidence of exactly how memorable those boy bands were.So who made Deds cool? For the record, I never thought that they were, and if anyone can produce evidence that I ever sent one, I will very calmly deny, deny, deny (which is apparently the secret to a happy mar-riage. Gosh, I learned so much last night). ~Gnuts~ <the writer has an interesting pseudonym that reflects an obsession with peanuts>

Ded: The Man Who Can’t Be Moved by The Script

17workzine

www.theworkzine.com

Uganda’s Natioanal Insurance Corporation is listing on the USE at 45ugx per share. Foreigners allowed. arubongoya@crestedsecurities.com / www.crestedsecurities.com Lantern Meet of peots will be hosting a poetry recitle with musical interludes on the 6th February at the National theater. 0712 589913,0714 562048,0776 589913 David’s fellowhisp is organizing a beach bash at Nabbinooya beach on 13th February at 10000ugx. Call Eddy 0782923126 Comedy Nite every Tuesday at RED NITE PUB-BAT VALLEY THEATRE Birthday shouts to : Mark Abraham Paul Katandi ObonyoEkrem Oyar Trevor TushabeMalcolm Tony Ngonzi HenryAkidi Pamella Katusabe BarbaraMartin Kasozi Paulian KazibwePauline Awuyat Joh JohannesSsemakula Angel Elimu Rweheenya Karugonjo Emodek Casey David Muhumuza Roy Wesley, Mwisya HamzaChris Mulindwa Gunnernkosa JonathanMukooza Victor Phillip Ssali, Rowan Emslie Atukunda AtuLydia Wampande Mark MandeLourd Matt Wonges Kitatta Mogambi Nyamongo Musiime Moses Ronald Rubagumya Kevin Musungu Richard Obasoni Priscilla Mbabazi Ruth Ankunda Baldwin Okello Edwin Agaba Irene Nabwire Samuel Rhys Jones Jawani Katam! On 3rd Feb at Conventry university : This Lecture is dedicated to Alcohol and Alcofrolics. A Pass can only be obtained by getting absolutely wasted, and i will be the official examiner!!! Minimum pass mark is 60% hammered! Maurice Magembe will be going for Mongolian on 5th Feb with Friends to usher in the new month To Write Love On her Arms Day: To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery. To Write Love On Her Arms Day is a day where anyone can write the words love on their arms, to support those who are fighting against depression and those who are trying to recovering. Poet’s Corner will be having a Poetry recital on Tuesday, 09 February 2010 from 18:30 - 19:30 at 21 Old Ford Road, Bethnal Green London E2 9PL London, United Kingdom

SOLO INTERNATIONAL Presents The UGANDAN NIGHT, (EKIDUULA KY’OMWEZI) Every first sunday of the month, Launching at The New CLub AMBASSADOR Barking. We will have the very Famous Dr. TEE, LAILA, MC MOSE, SPILLA FO REAL and other Artists fresh from UGANDA, Also we will be playing you the GREATEST HITS from motherland UG. At 20-30 LONDON ROAD Kampala book club launch on 5th Feburary at the National theater from 17.05 till 20.05 Islamism and Radicalisation on British University Campuses Lecture by Robin Simcox from the Centre for Social Cohesion on Wednesday, 03 February 2010, 17:00 - 19:30 Lecture Room XI, Brasenose College Sarah Ndagire acoustic concert at Alliance Francais Kampala on the 12th Feb from 19.30 till late Fund raising program for Haiti Relief on Saturday, 06 February 2010 from 17:00 at First Presbyterian Church ,Street: 42 Elm Street , Potsdam, NY BOB MARLEY Birthday @ B-CLUB with LIVE CONCERT Natty Dread 6th February 2010 from 8pm only @B-CLUB- KIGALI. DOORS OPEN @ 7pm, LIVE CONCERT STARTS @ 8pm, LADIES FREE ENTRY BEFORE 8pm. Info English: 0788600444 .Info French & Kinyarwanda: 0722600444 SALES AND SERVICESFrench— English translator available. email theworkzine@gmail.com Original VW Golf ‘95 model, directly imported from Germany. UAE, left drive, manual, excellent mech condition. 1 owner, 6M call +256790790199 Toyota Ipsum on sale at 11.5m (UAM/Q) pearl-white. Full time 4WD with extras. Interested parties call Andrew 0392960024/0701960024 or Bob 0772933000. Three houses available for rent in Entebbe ann Kampala at 700USD. 2 bedrooms, one bathroom, exquisite italian finishing, all semi detached with top notch security, call Andrew 0772534722 Do you have a great idea but finding problems coming up with a solid business plan? Or is your business plan lacking? Call 0712682520 to solve that nagging problem

EventsSales & Services

workzine

www.theworkzine.com

18

On average an American in his lifetime eats 15cows, 12 sheep, 900chicken and tones of diary products. This trend has first caught up in Africa (Dr.Loraine.Day). Foods claimed to be favorites contain the following and affect our health in the following ways:Hamburgers are got from “four D” animals namely; Dead., Diseased, Dying and Deformed. Imagined you consume one of these.

Ice cream: strawberry flavor contains benzyl acetate whose side effects include nausea, diarrhea. Pineapple flavor has ox acetate which causes damage to the liver, kidney and is used in making textiles and leather. Banana flavor contains propanol used for killing flies and used as oil in paint solvent. Other flavors have ingredients specific to them and affect us differently.

Fish apparently has protein, true of course. Majority of the fish has no mandatory inspection, 10% of it has mild poisoning. The poison becomes more concentrated as the fish eat up the algae, when finally consumed it would be 1000 times more poisonous with chemicals such as mercury, petroleum and hydrocarbons. Imagine this boiled fish produces carcinogens especially those caught 200miles off shore.For sweet chocolate, biscuit lovers, a lot of sugar consumed is bad. Sugar is worse than nothing because it drains and leaches the body of precious vitamins and minerals through the demand its digestion, detoxification and elimination makes upon one’s entire system. Excessive sugar has a strong mal-effect on the functioning of the brain. The key to orderly brain function is glutamic acid, a vital compound found in many vegetable. B vitamins are also manufactured by symbiotic bacteria which live in our intestines. When refined sugar is taken daily, these bacteria wither and die, and our stock of B vitamins gets very low. Too much sugar makes one sleepy; our ability to calculate and remember is lost.Please remember there is when a food is a food and when it’s poison.

Isiagi Moses. Bsc(sports science) p.e. trainer, massage therapist, personal trainer<the writer is one of the best diagnosticians one can encounter.

Too bad he is not as arrogant and self-centered as House>

YOUR Favorite foods and what they contain.

19workzine

www.theworkzine.com

There is something about

women that many people

pretend not to understand,

and yet it is quite clear. I really

dont know why people say they are

difficult. One just has to understand

the universal concepts that link

all women. Dont say women put a

price tag on love or relationships. or

any other nonsense that insinuates

greed. Its just how God created them.

Besides, it is common knowledge that

there is something about a woman

pulling money out of her wallet that

dries up her love! Anyway now the

moral of the story, or the point, or the

continuation!

I was bored oneday, watching some

irrelevant stuff on an irrelevant piece

of equipment, when the irrelevant

person said something that seemed

irrelevant, but was very true. Dont

worry, i will share.

This irrelevant person said that

women are a specie that can

compromise on alot of things, like

how a man looks, education, sex, etc,

but there is one thing they will never

compromise, and that is lifestyle. A

woman, according to this irrelevant

creature, could never go backwards

when it came to lifestyle. Evidence

commences as follows:

The very first guy shantiliquisha

ever dated, was a lousy shmuk with

braces, plump and skinny depending

on the weather, and was almost

expelled for body odour. But the one

thing he never failed to do, was buy

her lunch. She was never without a

great meal whenever classes ended,

be it break, lunch, after lunch, tea

break, you name it, and she didnt

even have to carry her mother’s

sweetpotatoes to school. From that

day forth, the standard was set. There

was no dating a guy who could not

buy her meals.

Later, when technology caught up

with her. the man she had at that

time always woke her up with credit

for her phone. On a good day, it was

up to 10,000, and on a bad day it was

500. This was good. After he left, the

next guy had to be able to buy credit

and keep her phone alive.

It may not be written in stone because

the floods may come and the stone

will sink to the bottom, but it is real.

Ladies, remember the first time you

dated a guy with his own car; friday

nights were nolonger about hanging

out with alot of girlfriends so that you

can each foot the bill for the taxi cab,

regardless of how boring the

company actually was. They were

nolonger about packing flat shoes in

yourbag for the long walk back from

the party! Your man had you covered.

Youcould happily leave the club and

wave to your friends as they stood by

toflag a cab. From that day forth, the

cute, tall glass of wine with no ride

just didnt cut it!

What about the first time you dated

that guy with his own apartment? You

visualized your closet space. No more

packing all your clothes when it was

time to leave, incase his mama found

sexy underwear in her only child’s

room. You could scream as loud as

you wanted and give orders with no

obstacles. After that, there was no

way in hell you were dragging yourself

back to any mother’s house.

And the first time your man took you

on a trip. It was a romantic getaway

to Seychelles. You couldnt even

pronounce the name of the island, but

you loved it! If the next guy couldnt

come with a passport ready for use,

he was definately of no use.

All in all, when it is time to tie the

knot, a real woman should have a

man who will buy her meals, send

her credit, drive her around, put a

roof over her head, take her travelling

all over the world, and all the other

things that could come after. A

woman will not, and should not settle

for less.

On that note......... im looking for the

next guy! One who can give me just

3/4s of his salary!!!!!!!!!

Sarah Akelly <No Relation to R. Kelly >

truth

about

women

$ £ $ £ $

workzine

www.theworkzine.com

20

All articles in the WorkZine are provided by you. In case you want to contribute to a specific column or any random thought , please don’t be shy. Send your writing or

comment or advert to theworkzine@gmail.com or wrkzine@gmail.com. If you want to get a free copy sent to your email , please send an email with the subject “subscribe” to

the aforementioned emails.

Remember this publication is free.

All personal announcements are free.

All adverts for start-ups are free.

All party invites are free provided the editor is invited!!!