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The Vent Magazine April 2013, comedy, culture, Bobby Roode TNA

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Page 1: The Vent Magazine April 2013
Page 2: The Vent Magazine April 2013
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Look. I don’t usually claim to be better than anyone else; I’m just not really that kind of person. Plus, unlike all but a lucky few of you, I have actually been inside myself and have truly witnessed the depths of horridness that make up the person I ignore in the mirror each morning. Hence, I don’t do a lot of judging when it comes to other people, but…

…when it comes to other local magazines, I think I can muster a criticism or two. I judge other publications with the soul-crushing harshness of a southern father trying to beat the gay out of his Disney channel character of a son. I summon the destructive forces of the four horsemen (not those four horsemen, the other ones) in order to say to all other local “magazines”… Step it the %*#@ up!

I will be the first to admit that The Vent is full of arrows. That’s not what I’m talking about. We keep it fresh here at the Vent, whether it be through a celebrity vendetta masquerading as satire, or an absolute scandal blown out of proportion by the local news.

If you are going to start a magazine, it should be your own creative effort, not a bunch of Q&A’s disguised as content. Featuring local artists is a noble and needed endeavor, but when their artwork is the only thing giving your rag a sense of aesthetic identity, well, then you are just using them and the blood, sweat and talent they put into their art.

I know you’re not writers, or graphic designers,

or capable of an original idea. We can’t all be perfect. At least your nice people, salt-o’-the-earth and all that, which is more than I can say for myself, but don’t sully this already saturated market with more fluff.

So, if you are going to count yourself my peers, then step it up. That’s all I ask. That, and that you keep your #%@* off of my magazine stands!

Wake Up & Own It by William Henneberger

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3www.TheVentNation.com [email protected]

The Vent Magazine is a division of The Vent. The Vent is an organization devoted to the

enrichment of Corpus Christi through Comedy.

Send all comments and letters to: [email protected]

The Vent Magazine 361-549-6213

Publisher/Creative Director: William HennebergerContributing Writers:William Henneberger

Kat McCloud Kyle HoelscherCitizen Schwartz Eric Jaramillo

Adam Hrabik Nathan ClarkZombie Art by Russell Tippit

The Vent Disclaimer:The Vent is a satirical publication

and is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. The Vent uses invented names in all of its

stories, except in cases when public figures are being satirized.

Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental.

Any statements made expressed or implied in the Vent are solely those of columnist and do not represent the position of our

advertisers, who do not accept responsibility for such statements.

All characters, products, and photos published are trademark and copyright of their respective

owners.

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Dear Stoner Chick,What happens when you die?Abigail, Corpus Christi TX

Dear Abby (hah!),So this is a perfect example of a situation when a blunt is necessary. Give me one sec...*Rolls giant blunt, chiefs on it, considers human life and all of existence as we currently know it, both in the science and faith-based realms, EXHALES*Okay girl, let’s be real with ourselves here...You are asking a STONER chick, not a DMT chick! I’ll try my best but it might not make you happy....When we die dude....I think we become zombies or doorknobs. I’ve been watching a shitload of Walking Dead lately and I can see some weird shit going down we don’t even know about yet.... like, zombie’s crawling under the dirt, clawing their way out to get revenge for their friend Todd not attending the funeral. Yah man....or doorknobs. You know, like re-encarnation and shit. Or...you go to heaven.Yah, is that good?Stoner Chick

Yo Stoned Lady!I think my dealer is shorting me yo! I mean, it’s pretty light as of late you know? How do I say something to him without offending him? HELP!Name Withheld

YO YOU PARANOID BITCH!Just kiddin’ friend. This is a really touchy subject...How do you tell someone you know that they’ve lied to your face, without making them defensive. The truth is, you have to treat it like any other business transaction. If you are purchasing your product from someone that you can foresee become violent, unreasonable, or slightly fussy, then you probably shouldn’t be dealing* (ha!) with them anyway. After all, if you knew that Wal Fart was selling you bullshit clothes that fell apart, would you shop there? What if it was the

only store to buy clothes at? Well, perhaps you should figure out where to go from there...The point is, don’t shop somewhere if you aren’t happy with the products available. Naturally there should be a return policy, but if the clerk is rude, just walk away.As far as approaching the subject...“Hey, that thing I bought wasn’t the right amount. Did you drop some? Perhaps I can pick up the rest next time?” If they get defensive...walk away.Anyway, this is totally bumming me out. I’m gonna go chief a blunch and be glad I don’t associate with dickheads.Good luck dude!Stoner Chick.

Dear Stoner Chick,I finally got my inernet and TV bill paid, bought a fat sack, and fed the dog. Now what? What would you watch if you were me? I’ve been out of the pop culture game for a while, but I’m celebrating using my first vacation days at my new badass job....and I don’t want to waste it.Please help!Daniel, San Antonio, TX

Daniel,My Man! You are speaking my LANGUAGE dude! Assuming your vacay is a nice fat week, to go with that fat sack, I’m gonna throw out an idea confident that you will hit me back with favorable news...This goes for you and everyone out there.... go with....THE WIRE.Holy shit dude....ever wondered how many “Fucks” can get smooshed into an episode of anything? The answer is “THE WIRE”.Ever had a rough time splooging after a sweet jerkathon sesh? The answer...THE WIRE.Have you already watched Breaking Bad, and thought to yourself, “There is nothing worth watching ever again because this was it.” No, you’re a fool. THE WIRE.Just shut the fuck up and watch THE WIRE. *toke*

Ask A Stoner Chick

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Corpus Christi comedian and “Hella-High” citizen, David Cifuentes died this week, after com-plications due to diabetes, also known as ‘the sugar”.

While David did leave this world with both feet still attached, he severed the hearts of many friends, of which, by my own fault I was not one. I may have meet David in passing once or twice but he never reached out to start any sort of lasting friendship with me… WHAT GIVES?!

Anyway, the news of David’s death drove countless friends to tears as they tried to figure out where they would get weed from now. HEY MAN, JUST CAUSE I DON’T SMOKE DOESN’T MEAN

WE COULDN’T HAVE HUNG OUT SOMETIME! Known to some as “The Facebook Comedian”, Cifuentes made a name for

himself in the local comedy scene, where he tried his best to make people laugh. After his passing, friends were quick to post all the great stories about times

they hung out and David did something crazy, like that time with Fabian…FABIAN! HE LIVES RIGHT DOWN THE STREET FROM ME! THIS IS BULLSH*T!

NO YOU’RE GONE! NOT REALY A CHANCE OF US GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB TOGETHER NOW IS THERE?!DAVID CIFUENTES, YOU’RE DEAD TO ME!

DEAD TO ME OBITUARY: David Cifuentes 1972-2013

Chubby Put Down by CC Animal Control by William Henneberger

Not long after a controversy involving the death of several three-day-old puppies, Corpus Christi Animal Control is once again under investigation. This scrutiny comes due to another public uproar after an employee of Animal Control eu-thanized Chubby, the beloved local spokesdog for Chubby’s Mattress.

“ This was outright mur-der,” claimed Jeremy Longoria, a repeat customer at Chubby’s for the last three decades, during which he has purchased two mattresses,

“That dog was cared for and loved more than any animal in this city. Even better than some people in Corpus, and not just by the owners, but also by everyone who grew up watching that bitch in those com-mercials.”

What makes this story even worse are the unusual circumstanc-es that brought about this terrible incident. Several eyewitnesses re-porting seeing an irate, and out-of-breath city worker corner the dog near the dumpsters behind the mat-

tress store, where he began to call Chubby terrible names, obscenities they did not even feel comfortable repeating.

“After that guy really ripped into the dog emo-tionally, saying

this, and that, calling it all sorts of ungodly things, he pulled out what must have been a ten-inch blade and then literally ripped into it.” Explained David Cifuentes, who was in the alley having a smoke, when the events unfolded before his eyes.

One Chubby’s employee, Brandon Dunn, came upon the slaughter, as he was searching for the dog. “George noticed that a customer left a door open, he didn’t see Chubby, so he asked me to take a look outside for my co-worker. I heard what sounded like a baby being beaten with a dolphin, but I was to late, as soon as I turned the corner out back, I was hit in the face with the blood spatter of my long time friend.”

City official have de-

nounced the employee responsible, claiming he was a rogue agent, who had already been written up six times for puppy pounding, and once for calling a dog a bitch when we all knew he meant it the other way.

At this time the Animal Control employee is still at large, and city officials are advising all mascots and animal celebrities stay indoors.

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Soups up, dudes! Earlier this week, the city welcomed it’s newest tour-ist attraction, the world’s largest can of soup. The towering can of tomato stands at 500 feet tall and weighs 1500 tons. It’s a unique sight, but why would anybody want to see it? On loan from the Campbell Soup Company in Camden, New Jer-sey, it was originally created for the company’s 100 year anniversary. It now resides on Peoples Street T-Head over looking the bay, and most of the buildings on Shoreline. Campbell’s Spokeswoman,

Denise Morrison says “It was just tak-ing up too much room, and cost way too much to store. Plus nobody wanted to hold on to it for us. So we put an ad on Craigslist hoping to finally get rid of that thing. Even though Corpus wasn’t willing to pay our asking price, they were however the only one willing to pay for it.” Instead of owning the world’s largest can of soup, the city has it on loan for a whooping $120 million. The lease runs until 2050, but city officials don’t expect it to be around that long. City Manager, Ronald L. Olson, went

on record saying, “With our local weather conditions, coupled with the salt water, its got 2…maybe 3 years before it’s fully eroded. And of course we’ll just let it sit there and rot away because that’s what we do. Our motto,”If it’s broke, that’s Corpus.” Hands down, this is our best/worst idea yet!” Along with up keep is-sues, tourists are hardly thrilled. Esteban Almarez of Hebbronville said he was “disappointed after seeing the can” and “thought it should’ve been something cooler like a can of Wolf’s Chili or Lone Star. I don’t get it.” One has to wonder why then would the city of Corpus in-vest its time and resources in to a wasteful and unpopular attrac-tion. The answer is simple…tra-dition. Despite it being viewed as a can-tastrophe, the city is feeling mmm, mmm, good about their decision. Mayor Nelda Martinez told sources the city tries their best to get the worst possible tourist attractions. From the Columbus Ships to the Texas State Aquarium to Beach Fest, if these attractions were successful it would mean the city would have to work hard-er. That’s not what Corpus is about. Tourist Bureau Official, Steve Scheutz, says “We’re proud of the unique experience that we offer to tourists, and that experience is lame. If you want Schlitterbaun, go to New Braunfels. But if you want to ride the Water Taxi, then come on down to Cor-pus!”

City Marina Supervisor, Peter Davidson, echoed his enthusiasm as well. “We’ve been trying the last few years to clear an open spot on Peoples Street for that can. Thank god a spot opened up 2 years ago!” Former local tour boat owner, Capt. Buddy Clark, is also happy about the move, saying, “I couldn’t be happier about this. It just reaffirms my belief that city govern-ment knows a bad idea when they see it. They’ve really outdone themselves this time. What a cluster-fuck.” Admission to see the “colos-sal” can up close is $30, for kids & adults. $25 for seniors. Visiting hours are from 6am to 7am, Mondays only.

World’s Largest Soup Can, City’s Worst Idea Yet by Nathan Clark

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National News Stories courtesy of:

VATICAN CITY – The Vatican today announced a bold first step in its new plan to make the institutional Church more appealing to modern, Western Catholics — particularly those living in the United States. That step comes in both Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch flavors. “We’re very excited to an-nounce today that the Vatican has entered a partnership with the good people at Frito Lay in order to bring the world a more desirable and yet wholly Vatican-endorsed Eucharist” stated newly minted Pope Francis the First. “Many of us in the Church have long understood that our in-stitutions must adapt to service the

changing cultural needs of modern, Western populations, and we can think of no better starting place for change nor better time to capitalize on the success of the Doritos brand.” Indeed, the Dorito chip does seem to be on a bit of a roll as of late, as Taco Bell just announced that its “Doritos Taco Loco” (a taco served inside a shell made of a giant Dorito chip) has become one of the biggest success stories in fast food history. “When we learned that Taco Bell sold 1 million Doritos Ta-cos Locos per day in 2012 – and that the company had to take on 15,000 extra employees just to deal with

the popularity of the thing — well we just knew that we had our hook for reeling in those wayward West-ern Catholics,” stated a Cardinal close to the mater. “This thing has ‘hit’ written all over. I haven’t been so excited since the end of that fish on Friday nonsense with Vatican II.” Asked whether or not his South American roots had anything to do with this announcement, Pope Fran-cis responded, “You’re pulling this Popes robes right? Okay, genius. First off, I’m of Italian extraction, and secondly, if you think Doritos are from South America, you must be the dumbest person I’ve ever met. Idiot racist … Next question! ”

Vatican Introduces New Dorito Communion Wafers

Fact Checker’s Head Explodes During Bachmann Speech(TAMPA BAY, FL) At a press conference held today, the attorney for the family of PolitiFact reporter Joshua Coleman formally announced that the family has decided to pursue an action for wrongful death against Minnesota Congress-woman Michele Bachmann. As has been widely reported, Mr. Coleman’s head exploded last Sat-urday afternoon while the reporter attempted to take notes on Bachmann’s address at the 2013 CPAC Conference.

“The sad fact is that Mr. Coleman thought he was prepared,” stated attorney Irwin Fitzpat-rick, “He had trained for weeks since drawing the CPAC assignment and believed strongly that he was at the top of his fact checking game. But what I will prove in a court of law is that no one — and I mean no one — could be prepared for the on-slaught unleashed by Michele Bachmann in re-cent weeks. And certainly not the tidal wave she let loose on the stage last Saturday afternoon.”

With that preamble, Fitzpatrick yielded the stage to Coleman’s coworker Jessica Ramos who witnessed the actual event. “It was just hor-rible,” the clearly shaken young reporter stated from the podium, “It happened fast but not all at once. I could tell trouble was developing when I looked over from my desk and saw how fast Josh was taking notes; it was almost unnatural. I looked up and saw Bachmann was on his screen but couldn’t hear what she was saying because Josh was wearing headphones. And Josh … he just kept writing faster and faster and faster. And

then, his pencil … it just snapped in half, and his head started to shake and then: boom! It was so horrible.”

Both Coleman’s gore-covered notes and a timeline reconstruction of events in-dicate that the fact-checker’s head exploded just as Bachmann suggested that government regulation had prevented finding a cure for Al-zheimer’s Disease and just after she lambasted the President’s lavish lifestyle — noting that he had “five chefs on Air Force One” and a personal dog walker available 24 hours a day.“It was just an unrelenting bombardment, and he couldn’t take it,” Tampa Bay Times Editor Bill Adair told reporters with a tear in his eye. ”Per-haps I am partially to blame. I know there could have been more safety measures in place, and I promise there WILL be from here on in, when-ever Representative Bachmann speaks.”

Indeed, both PolitiFact and the Washing-ton Post’s “Fact Checker” unit have reacted to the tragedy by requiring that only teams of at least two fact checkers with CPR and First Aid train-ing report on any event at which Representative Bachmann is present. If Mrs. Bachmann is actu-ally scheduled to speak, teams of three are man-dated.

“Some think the three reporter require-ment is an excessive reaction,” stated Washington Post executive editor Marcus W. Brauchli when reached for comment, “but those people weren’t on the House Floor on Thursday when Represen-

tative Bachmann announced that ObamaCare is literally killing vulnerable children and the el-derly. I’m the one who has to take responsibility for these young reporters’ lives. And I say: three person teams for the time being.”

While applauding safety measures like those instituted by Mr. Brauchil, the Coleman family attorney took matters a step farther, “As far as I’m concerned, if the events of the last week have proven anything, it is that everyone would be well advised never to listen to Michele Bach-mann ever again.”

Citizen Schwartz’s three reporter team was unable to reach Representative Bachmann for comment at the time of this article’s publica-tion.

For stories like these visit www.citizenschwartz.com & follow Citizen Schwartz on Twitter and at www.facebook.com/citizenschwartz

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Welcome to March Madness, the annual fracas in which millions of hardworking Americans drop their expense reports and spend their lunch breaks harassing a bartend-er at a Buffalo Wild Wings about which Missouri Valley team is go-ing to make it past the first round. “March Madness,” the fun, mental-disability-trivializing nickname for the NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Championship, is also sometimes called “The Big Dance,” a name it gets from the stereotypi-cal fashion in which all teams stand awkwardly on opposite sides of

the bracket, until the most popular and athletic teams gradually make their way to the center after several weeks and a pair of Enrique Iglesias songs.

NOTE: The NCAA Women’s Di-vision I Basketball Championship runs concurrently with March Mad-ness. However, this information is really only valuable if you want to find out just how loudly a drunk hu-man can sigh at you. (Answer: not very)

This year’s March Madness has done a lot, besides being an elaborate ploy to get large groups of 20-year-olds ex-cited about a trip to Auburn Hills, MI. Over the last few weeks, we have allowed a small team from Florida to get our hopes up (un-fortunately, as is often the case, Regular Florida was there to make sure we were disappointed). We have watched a world-class ath-lete with hopes of getting paid millions of dollars to jump up and down shatter his leg in three places by the simple act of jumping up and down. And we have watched a shocking per-formance by a team who are themselves named af-ter quite a “shocking” act (the Wichita State Electric Dildo Thrusts).

Anyone looking to catch all 67 games on TV could do so this year with a basic cable subscription--every game was broadcast on CBS, TNT, TBS or truTV (formerly the less tru and honist Court TV). Sports bars across the country fill up with fans and bettors alike, ready to waste the day away watching every

second of the Madness. If you want, you too can saddle up at a barstool and test your tolerance for one man to exhale Bud Light-flavored Louis-ville statistics into your face. I my-self lasted 90 minutes before finally shouting, “We get it, you’re here be-cause you hate your family!” at him.

March Madness Fun Facts

This year, Florida Gulf Coast be-came the lowest-seed team to ever get invited to MTV’s My Super Sweet 16 (Becky didn’t want to in-vite them, but her mom felt bad).

More beers will be consumed by Americans during one day of tour-nament play than by your father at all of your birthday parties combined.

In an effort to reach out to the nerd demographic (“Fucking nerds” quotes an NCAA executive every day of his life), this Sunday’s Elite Eight games not only ended in time for but also featured more graphic violence than the Game of Thrones season premiere.

Contrary to popular belief, there is not an autistic child in New Hamp-shire who has correctly predicted the entire tournament field for the last 8 years. The child lives in South Carolina and is actually just a very old, bald cat.

This year’s National Champion is the Louisville Cardinals, and if you find this information false, I regret to inform you that you have been preselected to exist in an alternate dimension. I wish you the best of luck defending our dimension from the Space Piranhas.

This has been a March Madness up-date from avid sports-watcher and pussy enthusiast, Adam Goddamn Hrabik.

Jock Inches - March Madness by Adam Hrabik

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DeeJay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDj Jerry-Macaw’sM.O.D.,Killamora,Black Lung Conspirecy,Numb To The Blow,Murder Ritual,Defiled Creation, Kuprit Komand-Zeros Tatujes -Revolution

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Dj Chris, MC Silk- Macaw’s

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Dj Chris, MC Silk- Macaw’s

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No Remorse" (SLAYER Tribute),Killamora -Zeros DJ Arod Z-95-REVO Alice Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!, For All Those Sleeping, Upon This Dawning, City Lights 6:30 PM $14-House of RockDJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sGolden Boy & Leija Battah Presents Fox Sports Boxing -Amer. Bank Cntr.Lil’ Flip-Theo’sMaija Diorgio -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationSecond Saturday Sing-Along Piano Show -Brewster St.William's Window 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseBus Stop Stallions-Exec. Surf Club

Audiodrive-Exec. Surf Club DJ Arod Z-95-REVO AliceAdrian H & The Wounds, David J of Bauhaus -Theo’sDan Madonia-Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationDJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sFALL,Abscured,Mask Of Morana,Darkstreet,Renounce The Tratior-ZerosMetal Shop -Brewster St.William's Window 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

Vallejo-Exec. Surf Club DJ Arod Z-95-REVO Alice DJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionCC Ballet Presents Cinderella -Amer. Bank Cntr.Disney On Ice: Rockin' Ever After -Amer. Bank Cntr.Dj Dragon-Macaw’sLocal Licks- Data Fix, The Fly Emirates, Peace & Quiet 9PM $3/ $5 minors -House of RockMichael Winslow -Comics Live @ RR Seafood StSevendust, Coal Chamber, LaCuna Coil, Stolen Babies-Concrete St.Some Kind Of Nightmare,Spanish Reds-ZerosThea Vidale -Later Gators Comedy ClubWilliam's Window 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

Paul Renna-Exec. Surf ClubM4 Angel Salazar- Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationBrit Floyd Presents: P-U-L-S-E 2013 The Pink Floyd Ultimate Light & Sound Experience -Amer. Bank Cntr.DJ Arod Z-95-REVO AliceDJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sRyan Bingham w/ The Wild Feathers -Brewster St.You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

‘Corpus Famous’ Calendar

(Glimpse what your favorite local celeb has scheduled this month)

April: Beachfest Organizer

Beth Guarneri

Begin Planning Beach Fest

II Electric Boogalooo

New charity idea: The Ronald McD’s House for juggalos

Buy 6 new pairs of Manolo’s for...the Homeless.

Other things to Cancel: Checks to CCPD, Netflix Account, FOX’s new line up

Set things straight on Facebook. (Note: not going well)

Finally watch Deuce Bigelow

Two

Start subscription to the Vent.

Cancel subscription to the Vent.

Plan to appear on every station, and blog, and public access show, to clear my name

Keep my head up.

Start a Shelter for the Homely

Support Local Fajita Wrap

Return 200 can openers, bought for all the food donations.

Well, let me start by saying how much of an honor it is to be part of my friend Will’s magazine, we are expecting this issue to be a huge success and be read by over 4 million people in the first week. Now, I know a lot of you guys are angry with me over this Beach Fest silliness, but I want you to realize that things were beyond our control. Would you be complaining if there was a storm that weekend...? Well, that’s basically what happened, only instead of a rain storm it was a sh*t storm. Likewise, no one would have said anything if Cole Park was hit by a meteor, well just pretend it was, but it wasn’t a cluster of space rocks, it was a cluster fu... well, you catch my drift. -Beth

Page 13: The Vent Magazine April 2013

DeeJay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDj Jerry-Macaw’sM.O.D.,Killamora,Black Lung Conspirecy,Numb To The Blow,Murder Ritual,Defiled Creation, Kuprit Komand-Zeros Tatujes -Revolution

Dj Chris, MC Silk-Macaw’s Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceClarissa Serna -RevolutionDj Jerry-Macaw’sSecondhand Serenade, Juliet Simms, Veronica Ballestrini, D&S 6PM $15 adv/ $15 dos-House of Rock

Brian Gutierrez- Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationDj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’Tatujes -REVO AliceWorking Class Concert Series- Quiet Company, ECHO 5:30 PM $5 ($2 off with name tag)-House of Rock

DeeJay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDj Jerry-Macaw’sTatujes -RevolutionThe Wizard of Oz 2pm -Harbor Playhouse

Dj Chris, MC Silk- Macaw’s

Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceClarissa Serna -RevolutionCorpus Christi Icerays - Playoffs -Amer. Bank Cntr.Dj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic Night w/ Rev Matt Martinez Signup 7pm-House of Rock

Dj Jerry,MC Silk- Macaw’sSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO AliceWorking Class Concert Series-Black Pistol Fire, Switchblade Jesus 5:30 PM $5 ($2 off w/ name tag)-House of Rock

Ballabajoomba Poetry Slam 7PM FREE-House of RockDeeJay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDj Jerry-Macaw’sTatujes -Revolution William's Window 2PM -Harbor Playhouse

Dj Chris, MC Silk- Macaw’s

Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceClarissa Serna -RevolutionDj Jerry-Macaw’sHollywood Undead: Blood In Blood Out Tour -Amer. Bank Cntr.Open Mic Night w/ Rev Matt Martinez-House of RockPat Benatar & Neil Giraldo -Amer. Bank Cntr.

Beer School w/ Flatbroke 9 PM-House of RockCandlebox -Brewster St.Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO AliceWorking Class Concert Series-Mobley, Witness by Proxy 5:30 PM $5 ($2 off w/ name tag)-House of Rock

Battle of the Bands- House of RockDeeJay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDj Jerry-Macaw’sSold Short,Regulate,One Against Many,Sharp,Mud Dogs,War Threat,Greedy Mouth-ZerosTatujes -RevolutionWilliam's Window 2PM -Harbor Playhouse

Dj Chris, MC Silk- Macaw’sSoilwork, Blackguard,Jeff Loomis, The Browning, Wretched 8PM $20 dos-House of Rock

Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceClarissa Serna -RevolutionDanzig, Corrosion of Conformity, The Agonist-Concrete St.Dj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic Night w/ Rev Matt Martinez Signup 7pm-House of Rock

Dj Jerry,MC Silk -Macaw’sSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO AliceWorking Class Concert Series presents Gravy, Poetry & Prose 5:30 PM $5 ($2 off with name tag)-House of Rock

Corpus Christi Ballet Cinderella -Amer. Bank Cntr.Death Of Abacus-ZerosDeeJay Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sDisney On Ice: Rockin' Ever After -Amer. Bank Cntr.Dj Jerry-Macaw’sTatujes -RevolutionWilliam's Window 2PM -Harbor Playhouse

Dj Chris, MC Silk -Macaw’s

Beer Pong & DJ -REVO AliceClarissa Serna -RevolutionDj Jerry-Macaw’sOpen Mic-House of Rock

Dj Jerry,MC Silk-Macaw’sSte’von, DJ Dus, Bobby Stump- Flanagan’sTatujes -REVO Alice

CC7D Film Event-House of Rock Dj Jerry-Macaw’sDJ Joey -REVO AliceGeeks Who Drink trivia followed by The Green Party and Friends-Exec. Surf ClubJon Wolfe w/ Jason Suthern Band -Brewster St.

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO Alice Michael O’Connor 8PM-House of RockMosaic: A cultural Rhapsody feat. Gender Fantasia Pageant – Lone Star Ballroom TAMUCCTna Impact Wrestling -Amer. Bank Cntr.Whiskey Myers w/ The Pear Ratz -Brewster St.Geeks Who Drink trivia followed by live DJ-Exec. Surf Club

Geeks Who Drink trivia followed by live band-Exec. Surf Club Passafire, High-Bred Roots, Flatbroke 7 PM $10 adv/ $13 dos-House of RockBuc Days Pro Rodeo -Amer. Bank Cntr.Dj Jerry-Macaw’sDJ Joey -REVO Alice

Geeks Who Drink trivia followed by live DJ-Exec. Surf Club Disney/ Ice: Rockin' Ever After -Am. Bank Cntr.Dj Jerry-Macaw’sDJ Joey -REVO AliceFortunate Youth, House Blend, Inna Vision $10 8PM-House of RockGipsy Kings -Concrete St.

Dj Jerry-Macaw’s DJ Joey -REVO Alice

DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’sDJ ET - Flanagan’sDustin Diamond-Later Gators Comedy ClubRebecca Corry -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationThe Spazmatics -Brewster St.The Wizard of Oz 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseTribal Seeds, The Maad T-Ray, Stick Figure 7:30 PM $17-House of RockCruise Control-Exec. Surf Club

Scarecrow People -Exec. Surf Club Another Level -Brewster St.Autism Rocks! R&R, Melissa Ann (Am. Idol participant), Jimmy Wilden 8PM $10-House of RockCorpus Christi Fury Vs Lakeland Raiders -Amer. Bank Cntr.DJ Dizzle -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sDJ ET - Flanagan’sMaija Diorgio -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationOddball Music Fest! Street Smart,Rob Zilla,1209 Kaos,Darkstreet,Mysoul Amoungst Lions,Hanging A Horse Thief,Renounce The Traitor,The Marker Effect-ZerosWilliam's Window 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

Dan Madonia-Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationDiotima Quartet 6:30 PM $15 GA/ $25 couple/ $10 student-House of RockDJ Dizzle -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sDJ ET - Flanagan’sWilliam's Window 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseNick Gaitan and The Umbrella Man-Exec. Surf Club

DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’sDisney On Ice: Rockin' Ever After -Amer. Bank Cntr.DJ ET - Flanagan’sMichael Winslow-Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationThea Vidale -Later Gators Comedy ClubVoodoo Glow Skulls, Left Alone, Avenue Rockers, Johnny Five 8PM $12 adv/ $13 dos-House of RockWilliam's Window 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseAnother Level-Exec. Surf Club

DJ Dizzle -Revolution Dj Dragon-Macaw’s Angel Salazar-Comics Live @ R.R. Seafood StationDJ ET - Flanagan’sTime Pilots-Exec. Surf Club

Six Market Blvd w/ Buster Jiggs-Exec. Surf Club DJ Arod Z-95-REVO AliceDJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sDustin Diamond-Later Gators Comedy ClubLa Guerrilla, La Esta Noche 8PM $6-House of RockMetalachi -Brewster St.Rebecca Corry -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationRodney Carrington "Laughter's Good" Tour -Amer. Bank Cntr.The Wizard of Oz 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

No Remorse" (SLAYER Tribute),Killamora -Zeros DJ Arod Z-95-REVO Alice Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!, For All Those Sleeping, Upon This Dawning, City Lights 6:30 PM $14-House of RockDJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sGolden Boy & Leija Battah Presents Fox Sports Boxing -Amer. Bank Cntr.Lil’ Flip-Theo’sMaija Diorgio -Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationSecond Saturday Sing-Along Piano Show -Brewster St.William's Window 7:30PM -Harbor PlayhouseBus Stop Stallions-Exec. Surf Club

Audiodrive-Exec. Surf Club DJ Arod Z-95-REVO AliceAdrian H & The Wounds, David J of Bauhaus -Theo’sDan Madonia-Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationDJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sFALL,Abscured,Mask Of Morana,Darkstreet,Renounce The Tratior-ZerosMetal Shop -Brewster St.William's Window 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

Vallejo-Exec. Surf Club DJ Arod Z-95-REVO Alice DJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionCC Ballet Presents Cinderella -Amer. Bank Cntr.Disney On Ice: Rockin' Ever After -Amer. Bank Cntr.Dj Dragon-Macaw’sLocal Licks- Data Fix, The Fly Emirates, Peace & Quiet 9PM $3/ $5 minors -House of RockMichael Winslow -Comics Live @ RR Seafood StSevendust, Coal Chamber, LaCuna Coil, Stolen Babies-Concrete St.Some Kind Of Nightmare,Spanish Reds-ZerosThea Vidale -Later Gators Comedy ClubWilliam's Window 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

Paul Renna-Exec. Surf ClubM4 Angel Salazar- Comics Live @ Railroad Seafood StationBrit Floyd Presents: P-U-L-S-E 2013 The Pink Floyd Ultimate Light & Sound Experience -Amer. Bank Cntr.DJ Arod Z-95-REVO AliceDJ Dragon Z-95 -RevolutionDj Dragon-Macaw’sRyan Bingham w/ The Wild Feathers -Brewster St.You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown 7:30PM -Harbor Playhouse

‘Corpus Famous’ Calendar

(Glimpse what your favorite local celeb has scheduled this month)

April: Beachfest Organizer

Beth Guarneri

Begin Planning Beach Fest

II Electric Boogalooo

New charity idea: The Ronald McD’s House for juggalos

Buy 6 new pairs of Manolo’s for...the Homeless.

Other things to Cancel: Checks to CCPD, Netflix Account, FOX’s new line up

Set things straight on Facebook. (Note: not going well)

Finally watch Deuce Bigelow

Two

Start subscription to the Vent.

Cancel subscription to the Vent.

Plan to appear on every station, and blog, and public access show, to clear my name

Keep my head up.

Start a Shelter for the Homely

Support Local Fajita Wrap

Return 200 can openers, bought for all the food donations.

Well, let me start by saying how much of an honor it is to be part of my friend Will’s magazine, we are expecting this issue to be a huge success and be read by over 4 million people in the first week. Now, I know a lot of you guys are angry with me over this Beach Fest silliness, but I want you to realize that things were beyond our control. Would you be complaining if there was a storm that weekend...? Well, that’s basically what happened, only instead of a rain storm it was a sh*t storm. Likewise, no one would have said anything if Cole Park was hit by a meteor, well just pretend it was, but it wasn’t a cluster of space rocks, it was a cluster fu... well, you catch my drift. -Beth

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15www.TheVentNation.com [email protected]

When one thinks rude, one doesn’t typically also think of

Canada…afterall,thosemapleleafed,hockeylovin’,sweethearts

tothenorthhaveahistoryofbeingthefriendliestfolkintheworld.

TNAhowever,wantsyou toknow that there isa tougher,

stronger, more intense part of Canada, literally destroying the

competition.He’sbig,terrifying,andhasaccomplishedmoreinthis

pastdecadethananyoneelse.HisnameisBobbyRoode,andtobe

completelyrealwithyou,hecouldn’tbesweeterormorehumble.

Gettinganydrippy,scummygossipoutofthisguywaslike

trying to squeeze a turd out of a fucking daisy.He’s the longest

reigningTNAWorldHeavyweightChampionwhoholdstherecord

for both Tag Team, and longest reigning world heavyweight Tag

TeamChampionshiptitles,butherarelybragsaboutit.Infact,he

mentionsitatotalofonce. His Bound For Glory performance earned

him top-dog

statusbothprofessionally,andathletically.He’sstillanoptimist,and

heloveshisfamilyandkeepingfit. Youwouldthinkboring,butasitturnsout…thisguyispretty

damninspiring.Without further ado, we give to you, the good

-natured wrestler

known…asBobbyRoode…

Tell us about your childhood…Who were your favorite wrestlers as a kid? Also, how did you get into wrestling?

Well, I was born and raised in Canada, first and foremost, which means I was a huge hockey fan. I started playing hockey when I was three years old and didn’t stop until I was 19 or 20.Since I grew up in Canada, obviously The Hart Foundation was a big influence on me. I also loved Hulk, Macho Man, and as I got older, Rick Flair was a favorite.

Around when I quit hockey, I started training one on one with a friend of mine in the wrestling business. I lived in the Toronto, which meant there weren’t a lot of great schools, so we had to travel four or five hours every weekend just to train. His former tag team partner moved to my hometown so I ended up eventually trained by the pair for about five months. My first booking was in June of 1998.Before that, I went to school and studied Law and Security, to be a Corrections officer. Did training with a Tag Team give you a particular edge? How is it transitioning into TNA andworking with character developers or a creativeteam? What’s it like to work in TNA?

I was a big tag team fan, I mean The Hart foundation was huge in Canada, but I don’t think it gave me any edge, it just trained me very well on how to carry myself and show respect for the guys who came before me. I enjoy being in a tag team, but I got in this business to become the world champion, which I inevitably did when I set the record in 2011.I don’t work close by with the creative team. I’m paid to perform and do what they ask of me to the best of the availability. I’m very lucky that I have a good team and that TNA lets us kind of have freedom to do what we need to do to put on the best show. Nobody there tells us how to bump or how to act, what to do, it’s all worked out great.

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16twitter.com/theventnation facebook.com/TheVentNation

What sets TNA apart from the other wrestling organizations like ECW, Smackdown, or Raw?

Our talent is better than any locker room in the world. I truly believe we have the best of the best. Everyone goes out and wants to have the match of the night the set of the night....we always want to do the best we can, whether it’s the live events or not.

Do you have any fantasy matches to fulfill, or have you had any thus far? Tell us about it!

Fantasy matches? Once you get to that certain level, you kind of get used to being around everybody and respect their abilities. Obviously being in the ring with Hulk Hogan was a big deal for me, after all, I watched

him when I was a little kid! I believe Kurt Angle is the best in the world, and we just scratched the surface performing together. There was so much we could have done, it was endless. Me and Jeff Hardy, beating the hell out of each other with my tag team partner James, at Bound For Glory.....that was incredible.

What about life outside of the ring? What is it like at home with your family versus being on the road? What if one of your kids wanted to wrestle, what would you think?

I keep it pretty simple out of the ring, the life of a wrestler really isn’t all that glamorous. We put our body through hell, we sleep, drive, and perform. It’s very grilling, especially physically. I just enjoy going to the gym every day, which is really a stress release for me on the road. It’s definitely not all rock and roll, no partying all not long, at least not for me. That’s not my cup of tea because burning the candle at both ends....to me that wouldn’t last very long. I just try to keep it simple. This business is really important to me so I just try to work hard.With my family, it’s all about balance. My kids are into sports and I always joke around with the guys that I’m busier at home than on the road. The kids play hockey so I spend a lot of time doing that, going to games.I don’t think there is gonna be any wrestling in my house besides me. I know what wrestlers have to go through, so that’s obviously a big thing. However, if they came up and said, “Hey, I wanna wrestle”, I’d say, “Sure, go for it, do what you want.” I’d support my child. You say wrestling is physically tolling, have you had any really bad injuries that could affect the future?

I’ve been pretty fortunate to not have any major injuries....I feel pretty good. I’m in my mid-thirties, I feel great, and as far as I’m concerned, still have another fifteen years left in me. I feel good, my confidence

is very high. We just finished a busy week and I was sore for a couple of days, but you gotta remember you

signed up for this.

If you weren’t wrestling, what would you be doing?

Wrestling. Haha.No, honestly, I wouldn’t be doing anything other than wrestling. I don’t think I was put on this earth to do anything else. I’m grateful...like I said the bumps, bruises, pain, it’s what you signed up for. I can’t see myself doing anything else. What are you currently jamming out to? On the road, or at home?

I don’t have a particular favorite, but I do listen

to a mixture of rock n roll when I’m at the gym. I’m into stuff like Judas Priest, 80’s metal, any top 20 from today, but not so much country. Tell us about your Tag Team “Beer Money”. Did that help launch your career?

Beer Money helped me out tremendously. When James and I were put together, I came in as a tag team, part of team Canada. he was with America’s Most Wanted, at the time, and we just weren’t feelin it. Then we did a tag match in England, ended up wrestling on tv as a tag team, and before we knew it, BOOM, we were Beer Money. We came up with the name, slogans, vignettes…we pulled out of one another our characters, and inevitably fed off each other. We may not see eye to eye right now, but we were workable, we both got a lot out of it. It launched both of our careers, and was a great thing for both of us.

What do you see for your future?

In the future, I see a long career ahead of me, probably taggin’ with Austin Aries. We seem to have a lot of success together. Of course I would love to be a world champion again. I’d love the X Division title…yah, I still have a lot left to do.

Wanna tell us a wacky fan experience?

There are a lot of fans that you meet along the way. I’ll never forget this one lady in Jersey, a lady and her mother....maybe forty-ish, her mother was like sixty or seventy, and they were backstage. They gave me a prayer necklace. Her father passed away, and she said I was his favorite wrestler. He wanted me to have this prayer necklace. It was really nice, heart warming… It’s kind of weird thinking that they loved you enough to leave you something. A good weird. Heart felt. I’ll never forget her or her mother.

Any last advice?

Always carry yourself with respect and be humble. That’s the best I can think of!

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WHY? WHY? WHY?

As the Director of Market-ing at the American Bank Center I get a lot of “why don’t we…why not…why can’t you…why, why, why???” With our friend Will at The Vent giving the American Bank Center the opportunity to submit an article, I thought I would take this opportunity to answer the top “Why” questions that I get.

Why don’t you bring in acts like Metallica, Rihanna, Jay Z, Adele, U2,Justin Bieber?

Overall you need three prin-cipals to come together to confirm a show. The artist’s agency, a promot-er and a venue need to all come to an agreement. The artist’s agency sells the show to the promoter, called the artist guarantee, then the promot-er tries to find a venue to put that show in. So lets crunch some num-bers. Lets say the artist guarantee is $500,000 and the venue sits 7,500 patrons. That will make an average ticket price of $66 (500,000 / 7,500 = 65). However the promoter usu-ally has to pick up the cost for audio, video, travel, room and board for the artist, etc. Easily increasing the pro-moter’s cost to $550,000. Now your average ticket price has gone up to $73. This $73 average ticket is just to break even and of course promot-ers don’t live on breaking even. So now your average ticket price has gone up to $85. Would you pay $85 to sit in an “average” seat to see a concert? Do you think a promoter would risk $550,000 to bet that over 7,500 patrons would pay $85 or over to sit in “average” seat to see a concert? If your saying yes and you have $550,000 call me ASAP!

I bet you get tickets for every show. Why can’t you give me

free tickets or a Backstage Pass?

I do get to see every show here because I’m working the show. However that doesn’t mean I have a stack of free tickets to give out. Also the Backstage Pass is a myth or hasn’t exsisted since the 70’s. There is no such thing as a Backstage Pass. You have meet & greet passes that give you access to meet the artist but they don’t give you access to hang out backstage. Usually meet & greet passes are premiums given to the ra-dio station to give a way.

Why didn’t I hear about this event coming up?

Usually my first response to this is, are you signed up to re-ceive our free Fans First E-News? By signing up for this at American-BankCenter.com you will be the first to hear about all of our events com-ing up. Overall it’s getting harder to reach people these days and you have to be more creative to do so. My advertising budgets have stayed the same but the cost of advertising has risen or the various media out-lets have increased making my ad-vertising dollars less effective.

Hopefully this has given you some insight about the live en-tertainment industry and you have three less whys to ask. However if you have any other questions or sug-gestions feel free to reach out to us.

That being said, American Bank Center will continue to work with topnotch promoters like Live Nation, AEG, Feld, Vee, Cirque du Soleil, R-Entertainment, WWE, TNA, Golden Boy, Leija/Battah, ROCK’s, Legacy, and more to bring in quality entertainment for Corpus Christi and the Coastal Bend. V

by Eric Jaramillo, Dir. of Marketing SMG American Bank CanterInside the Center

Photo by Andy Heines

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Synthetic Cops: Our local government’s recent attack on small businessby Kyle HoelscherMe The People...

With this title, you are probably expecting an article about the recent street user fee which will severely affect small and local businesses, while hard-ly affecting big corporations. That would be a good article, but I prefer to talk about the govern-ment attacks that go unnoticed. My topic today is the head shop raids that occurred at the begin-ning of February. If you are un-f a m i l i a r, please, do a quick G o o g l e s e a r c h ( C o r p u s Christi head shop raids) before you continue reading. You will find plenty of mainstream me-dia stories that tout the police’s agenda and boast how drugs, money, surveillance equipment, and paraphernalia was all seized during these daring police raids. The fact is that these raids were public spectacles with one pur-pose: shut down the head shops.

Some of you may not know what a head shop is. So, let me clear the air. You’ve seen them around town. There is Samp-sons, and Mr. Nice Guy’s, S&G’s and many other stores that have a head shop portion. They might also be called smoke shops, nov-elty stores, or if you ask the Cor-pus Christi Police Department (CCPD), dangerous drug dealing criminal enterprises full of scum and villainy. The truth is that these are businesses, started by local entrepreneurs who employ people, hire managers, buy lo-cally made products, and pay for local contractors to build signs,

store fronts, etc. They gener-ate money for these activities by selling products which are legal (if perhaps undesirable by some). They sell water pipes, traditional pipes, hookahs, glass cleaning kits, detoxifying products, herbal incense, and other smoking ac-cessories. Some people use these products to smoke marijuana out of. They sell pocket pipes, steam rollers, Snoop Dog rolling pa-

pers and marijuana literature. They sell pipes with water res-

ervoirs, ice chambers, ash catch-ers, multiple bubblers, filters, big bowls, and small bowls and… EVERYTHING THEY SELL IS LEGAL.

They are citizens who saved up money, wrote out a plan, and started up a business selling a legal product which has a legal demand by following state law and paying all of their federal, state and local taxes. These are the same type of individuals that drive our economy in all other ar-eas of commerce. Now, let’s move to the real controversy that caused these raids. That is the contro-versy over a new product that has emerged in mainstream America. The product is gener-ally referred to legal marijuana, synthetic marijuana, or The Le-gal. The Legal is not an all that new phenomenon. It’s been sold in the back of magazines and

in head shops for many, many years. And since many people want to get high, but marijuana is illegal, they often turn to The Legal. Since there was no legis-lation on the subject, head shops began carrying it more often and in more varieties. Enter the State of Texas. Like many emergent drugs, the State of Texas got around to banning it. Like a typical government, they were way behind the curve. The legislature passed a bill in 2011, which set out a long, long list of different types of chemicals which are commonly used in The Legal. You may recall the City of Corpus Christi attempting to do something like this, except they made a very broad and sweep-ing law that ended up in litiga-

tion and ul-timately an in junct ion was placed on the city

from enforcing the law. Now, to me, this process is perfectly fine. If you are a citizen and you want to pass a law, you have your lawmakers pass it through a democratic process. If you want to change the laws, you talk to people about it and convince them otherwise. You can see this effect in the current changing opinions on marijuana itself in America. CCPD is not interested in a democratic process, hence the raids.

Well, a funny thing hap-

pened in head shops in 2011, they quit selling the illegal prod-uct. Why? Because they are le-gal businesses. They thrive in the legal market. They sell legal products. In 2011, water pipes were not made illegal. Nor were pipes, rolling papers, or any oth-er products that they sell. Some-thing else did happen though; the

manufacturers changed the chemical for-mula of The Legal to con-form to the laws passed by Texas. Within a year, after the dust settled,

head shops began selling The Le-gal again within the confines of Texas law.

Now comes CCPD. CCPD does not like head shops. They childishly believe that hav-ing these shops in the city pro-motes crime and drug use. They think that if only there was a way to destroy these businesses, we could stop marijuana use across the city. Far be it from me to tell someone their opinion is wrong, but of course CCPD is not a per-son. It’s a government institu-tion. It is my right to tell them that they are foolish and that they are wrong. Worse, they cause the illegal activities in this arena by pushing their wrong-headed agenda. We can see all over this country, when marijuana related businesses are regulated like businesses, we get better commu-nities. Communities thrive when local businesses thrive.

…these raids were public spectacles with one purpose:

shut down the head shops.

They think that if only there was a

way to destroy these businesses, we could

stop marijuana use across the city.

CCPD is not interested in the democratic process,

hence the raids.

(continued on page 22)

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The problem is that CCPD is not interested in asking citizens what they think of head shops. They are not interested in hearing about local businesses. They are interested in destroy-ing head shops and they got their wish when head shops began sell-ing The Legal in forms that con-formed to state laws. It is CCPD’s position that under vague and dif-ficult to enforce laws related to chemical analogs of illegal drugs, the head shops are selling drugs. That is certainly enough to get a search warrant, though the criminal cases seem rather dubi-ous. We know the criminal cases

aren’t going very well since they only arrested 3 people in rela-tion to the search warrants. This is out of a total of 8 search war-rants issued and 8 shops r a i d e d . That is an extremely low suc-cess rate after you have expended dozens of officers’ work days, multiple police cars’ usage, multiple de-tectives’ days, the effort in get-ting all those search warrants, the crime scene vans, and the addi-tional resources that will be used in the future to test the material

confiscated. Now, if that were it, I

would not write this article. If the CCPD came in and seized all

of The Legal on the shelves in order to make a case against head shop own-ers for violat-

ing state law, that would be fine. That would be the normal course of enforcing our criminal laws, which is CCPD’s primary job. I may disagree about how they do it, but they certainly need to do it.

That is not what they did. Using this pretext to go into these

shops, they proceeded to take everything they can get their hands on. They took all the pipes and bongs. They took all the companies’ sur-veillance equipment. They did not just take the recordings; they took all cameras, wires, recorders, and every-thing. They broke into the store safes and took all of the store’s money. They took things entire-ly unrelated to the sale of The Legal. Why did they do that? They did it because they want-ed to shut these local businesses down. The

CCPD decided what businesses should be shut down and they shut them down without asking a single person if they should or could.

There is where the injus-tice lies. You must regulate busi-nesses, especially in the fringe businesses like head shops, bars, and strip clubs. A free society does not let its enforcers decide that a certain industry must be shut down. A free society does not destroy a person’s legal live-lihood because the police want to destroy it.

The worst part is that the police got their way for now. Most of the smoke shops could not withstand a burglary of that magnitude. Without product or money, they were forced to shut down. The families of the own-ers and employees are going to be affected. We have a few more people on our unemployment rolls. We will have a few more abandoned buildings in the city. And of course, we will have ex-actly the same amount of mari-juana use, synthetic or otherwise. Those users will just send their money to other parts of the coun-try or world to get their smoking accessories.

In the end, the CCPD specifically acted in a way that hurt their own community and those actions seem to lack any noticeable benefit to society.

A free society does not let its enforcers decide that a certain industry must be

shut down.

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