the top 10 relationship words that aren

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The Top 10 Relationship Words That Aren't

Translatable Into English

byPAMELA HAAG

NOVEMBER 18, 2011, 9:00 AM

Here are my top ten words, compiled from online collections, to describe love,

desire and relationships that have no real English translation, but that capture

subtle realities that even we English speakers have felt once or twice. As I

came across these words Id have the occasional epiphany:

Ohyeah! Thatswhat I was feeling...

Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan, an indigenous language of Tierra del Fuego): The

wordless yet meaningful look shared by two people who desire to initiate

something, but are both reluctant to start.Oh yes, this is an exquisite word, compressing a thrilling and scary

relationship moment. Its that delicious, cusp-y moment of imminent seduction.

Neither of you has mustered the courage to make a move, yet. Hands haventbeen placed on knees; youve not kissed. But youve both conveyed enough

to know that it willhappen soon very soon.
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Yuanfen(Chinese): A relationship by fate or destiny. This is a complex

concept. It draws on principles of predetermination in Chinese culture, which

dictate relationships, encounters and affinities, mostly among lovers and

friends.

From what I glean, in common usageyuanfen means the "binding force" that

links two people together in any relationship.

But interestingly, fate isnt the same thing as destiny. Even if lovers are

fated to find each other they may not end up together. The proverb, have fate

without destiny, describes couples who meet, but who dont stay together, for

whatever reason. Its interesting, to distinguish in love between the fated and

the destined. Romantic comedies, of course, confound the two.

Cafun(Brazilian Portuguese): The act of tenderly running your fingers

through someone's hair.

Retrouvail les (French): The happiness of meeting again after a long time.

This is such a basic concept, and so familiar to the growing ranks of

commuter relationships, or to a relationship of lovers, who see each other only

periodically for intense bursts of pleasure. Im surprised we dont have anyequivalent word for this subset of relationship bliss. Its a handy one for

modern life.

I lunga (Bantu): A person who is willing to forgive abuse the first time; tolerate

it the second time, but never a third time.

Apparently, in 2004, this word won the award as the worlds most difficult to

translate. Although at first, I thought it did have a clear phrase equivalent inEnglish: Its the three strikes and youre out policy. Butilungaconveys a

subtler concept, because the feelings are different with each strike. The

word elegantly conveys theprogression toward intolerance, and the different

shades of emotion that we feel at each stop along the way.


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Ilunga captures what Ive described as the shade of gray complexity in

marriagesNot abusive marriages, but marriages that involve infidelity, for

example. Weve got tolerance, within reason, and weve gotgradations of

tolerance, and for different reasons. And then, we have our limit. The English

language to describe this state of limits and tolerance flattens out thecomplexity into black and white, or binary code. You put up with it, or you

dont. You stick it out, or not.

Ilungarestores the gray scale, where many of us at least occasionally find

ourselves in relationships, trying to love imperfect people whove failed us and

whom we ourselves have failed.

La Douleur Exquise(French): The heart-wrenching pain of wanting someoneyou cant have.

When I came across this word I thought of unrequited love. Its not quite the

same, though. Unrequited love describes a relationship state, but not a state

of mind. Unrequited love encompasses the lover who isntreciprocating, as

well as the lover who desires. La douleur exquisegets at the emotional

heartache, specifically, of being the one whose love is unreciprocated.

Ko i No Yokan(Japanese): The sense upon first meeting a person that the

two of you are going to fall into love.

This is different than love at first sight, since it implies that you might have a

sense of imminent love, somewhere down the road, without yetfeelingit. The

term captures the intimation of inevitable love in the future, rather than the

instant attraction implied by love at first sight.

Yaaburnee(Arabic): You bury me. Its a declaration of ones hope that

theyll die before another person, because of how difficult it would be to live

without them.

The online dictionary that lists this word calls it morbid and beautiful. Its the

How Could I Live Without You? slickly insincere clich of dating, polished

into a more earnest, poetic term.


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Forelsket: (Norwegian): The euphoria you experience when youre first

falling in love.

This is a wonderful term for that blissful state, when all your senses are acutefor the beloved, the pins and needles thrill of the novelty. Theres a phrase in

English for this, but its clunky. Its New Relationship Energy, or NRE.

Saudade(Portuguese): The feeling of longing for someone that you love and

is lost. Another linguist describes it as a "vague and constant desire for

something that does not and probably cannot exist."

Its interesting thatsaudade accommodates in one word the haunting desirefor a lost love, or for an imaginary, impossible, never-to-be-experienced love.

Whether the object has been lost or will never exist, it feels the same to the

seeker, and leaves her in the same place: She has a desire with no

future. Saudade doesnt distinguish between a ghost, and a fantasy. Nor do

our broken hearts, much of the time.

the top 10 relationship words that aren

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