the staley "i call my wife my 'better half." "why?" "because she's always saying, 'you bet-ter half

Download THE STALEY

Post on 02-Aug-2020

0 views

Category:

Documents

0 download

Embed Size (px)

TRANSCRIPT

  • THE STALEY JOURNAL

    ..M'AIIY . HMO I III; COPY

  • THE

    CONTENTS

    Page

    Editorial

    Christmas Party 7

    Foremen Have Gathering 12

    Three Generations 14

    Grandmother Subject of Book 15

    "Go Wasli a Train" 17

    Women 34

    Man in the Moon . 36

    Published monthly in Ihe interest ofAhe employes of the

    A.E.STALEY MAKi^FACTURING CO. D E C A T U R.UI I/L L I N ol"S

    E D I T O R . rt«_)TH E. C/XDE

    CARTOONIST

    W. R.. Van HOOK

  • vSee the Overheard at the Zoo

    She was visiting a Zoo and gathering as much information about the animals as possible in one short afternoon.

    Eventually she came to the bears. "Are these animals carnivorous?" she

    asked the keeper. He scratched his head and then smiled

    brightly. ''They was, ma'am," he answered. "But

    they're all right since we washed 'em in carbolic."

    "I vish I vas as religious as Abie." "And vy?" "He clasps his hands so tight in prayer,

    he can't get them open ven der collection box conies aroundt."

    Hard on the Camera A photographer who did ecellent work

    and had just opened a studio in the town, had a case of his best work on display in front of the studio.

    A farmer and his wife came by, and, after carefully examining the pictures, went inside the studio.

    "We want the wife's picture took," said he to the photographer.

    The photographer, after carefully ar- ranging the lady for the picture, turned to the husband and said:

    "Full length or bust?" The farmer gave a hearty laugh and

    slapped the photographer on the back, saying: "All right; make it full length, young feller, and if she busts I'll pay for the machine."

    "I call my wife my 'better half." "Why?" "Because she's always saying, 'You bet-

    ter half that tire patched' and 'You better half your tooth fixed' and 'You better half this' and 'You better half that'."—Life.

    Health It was the first real snowstorm of the

    year and the teacher felt it her duty to warn her pupils before she dismissed them. "Boys and girls should be very careful to avoid colds at this time of year," she began solemnly. "I had a daring little brother only seven years old. One day he went out in the snow with his new sled and caught cold. Pneumonia set in and in three days he was dead." The schoolroom was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Then a youngster in the back row asked: "Where's his sled?"

    No Crime Judge—Your wife says you have her

    terrorized. Prisoner—Honestly, your honor, I— Judge—I am not asking this in my of-

    ficial capacity, but as man to man, how do you do it?

    Two ladies stopped at a livery stable and asked for a gentle horse to drive.

    The liveryman brought out one saying: "This horse is perfectly gentle so long as you don't let the rein get under his tail."

    Within a few hours they returned. "How did you get along?" asked the liveryman.

    "Oh, we got along just fine. Had a couple of showers while we were out, but we took turns holding the parasol over the horse."

    Just noticed Sandy going down the road with his mouth open.

    Someone must have said to him that there's a nip in the air.

    Bridge Engineers Office "What keeps the moon from falling?" "It must be the beams."

    "What do you give your husband when the dinner doesn't suit him?"

    "His hat and coat."

  • Point ? Learned Caution

    Uncle Hczekiah had a neighbor who was in the habit of working on Sunday, but after a while he joined the church. One day he met the minister to whose church the man belonged.

    "Well, Uncle Hezekiah," said the preacher, "do you see any change in Mr. Jones since he joined the church?"

    "Well," was the reply, "before, when he went to mend the fences on Sunday, he carried his ax on his shoulder. Now he carries it under his overcoat."

    OUR STONY PLANET "This is a hard world," said Pat, as he

    knocked off for the day. "Yis", said Mike, "Oi be thinkin' the

    same thing ivery toime I put me pick in it." ^

    Patronize Home Industry Mrs. Fahy—I just bought a set of

    Shakespeare. Mr. Fahy (angrily)—How many times

    have I told you not to buy those foreign tires?—Fisk Candle.

    Boy, you sho' has got a big mouth." "Huh, you fool niggah, that ain't no

    keyhole in the front of your face."—Kan- sas Sour Owl.

    Out of the Frying Pan Young lady to acquaintance in lobby—

    Who is that very homely man over there? That is my brother. Embarrassed young lady—Oh—of—

    course—how stupid of me—I should have noticed the resemblance.

    First Frosh—How's your blind date last night?

    'Mother Verdant—Awful th in . I bet she could go through a flute without strik- ing a note.

    "Shine your shoes, mister?" "No time, sonny." "Well, to start the day right I'll do one

    for nothing." "All right, go ahead." "There, how does she look, boss?" "Fine." "Well, for 15 cents I'll do the other

    one."—Blue Fish.

    Doc's Mistake "I won't take this tonic, Of nerve Doc's got a lot— It says it's for adults, An' that ain't what I got."

    Kind Old gentleman—What do you call those two kittens, Johnny?

    Small boy—I call 'em Tom and Harry. K. O. G.—Why don't you name them

    Cook and Peary after the great explor- ers?

    S. B.—Aw, mister; these ain't pole cats.

    Examination Teacher — Charlie, what does your father do when he finds any- thing wrong with his car?

    Charlie ( t ru thful ly)—He bawls Ma out.

    Persons in Scotland may now talk over the telephone to persons in the United States for $48, remarks a writer in the New York Evening Post, adding, "which explains why none of them has."

  • Editorial KING WEATHER

    People who made resolutions last year to leave the weather out of their conversations, have been con- sistently silent during the last few weeks, for the weather was simply all over the place. Nothing has ever been found that was nearly as good a conversation subject as weather, but when we have blizzards and traffic tie-ups and impossible motor- ing and walking conditions—then weather fans do have a time.

    Until a blizzard or some other severe storm arrives, we do not realize how much our life, even un- der modern conditions, is regulated by the weather. With paved high- ways crossing the country in all dir- ections, high powered motor cars in common use, and railways in every community, we become accustomed to getting any place at any time without much delay.

    But let snow fall in great quan- tities in the midst of a severe wind and then watch things stack up. Drifts through which no ordinary motor can pass can stack up just as effectively on a paved highway as they can on a mud road. Switches freeze and rails become blocked with drif ts which tie up trains regardless of whether they are local combina- tions or crack cross country passen- gers.

    During the recent blizzard Deca- tur was as isolated as a back country village, although it is on several trunk line railroads and is the meet- ing point for a number of state high- ways. People in surrounding vil- lages could not get into town, and men working in town and living in

    the country had to seek shelter with town friends for a night.

    WRECKERS The other day I stopped for a min-

    ute to watch a wrecking gang tear- ing down a building. They were using air drills, sledge hammers, crow bars, etc. They were ap- parently not trying to salvage any of the old material—just tearing it down. I asked the boss if it re- quired skilled men to do that work, and he replied, "No, they are just ordinary laborers, but they can tear down more in a day than skilled me- chanics can erect in weeks." And I thought, how true that is of a lot of people—character wreckers. They can, in so many insidious ways, wreck the most precious thing in all the world—character. And the strange thing about these character wreckers is, to use a homely expres- sion, they have plenty of dirt in their own back yards that should be cleaned out. They would do well to heed the injunction in Matthew 7:5 —"Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye ; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." "Speak not abroad another's faults

    Till thou hast cured thine own ; Nor whisper of thy neighbor's sins

    Till thou art perfect grown." —1The Trumpeter.

    So often people tell us that they think The Journal has such good stories in it—meaning those short little quips we run in the front and back of the book. After about ten people have told us that we begin to get worried and wonder if we are running too much to such things—

  • Comment if we are giving too much space to jokes.

    And then we think of something our editorial friend John W. Hall wrote recently for his famous Pink Letter. He says "What an unbear- ably desolate and boresome world this would be without stories and story tellers—without quip or jest or laughter. That must be one of the principal punishments for the residents of Hades—the inability to see a joke—the incapacity for laugh- ter."

    So again we feel that the time and thought we have given to selecting our funny stori-es has not been wasted, and when people tell us that they have enjoyed them we will feel properly repaid.

    "I'd give a million dollars for a personality like Cap Enlow's," a Sta- ley official remarked the other day, and it set us to thinking. Cap is such a familiar figure about the plant that we take for granted his unfailing patience, good hu