AA nnoottee ffrroomm tthhee eeddiittoorrI guess there are two ways of getting into the enquirer. One would be to sleep with achalet girl not one week after she has said farewell to her visiting boyfriend or the sec-ond, which is far easier, is to take part in one of the events that I regularly cover. Thenext event coming up is something called Ballon Ballai (Broom ball) on the icerink in1850. It consists of teams of 5 seasonnaires, of which two need to be female, playinga version of icehockey with no sharp objects. A broom instead of a stick, a kids foot-ball instead of a puck and normal shoes instead of ice skates. The competition takesplace on the 21st,a Monday at 9pm till about 11pm at the icerink in 1850 so not everyseasonnaire is able to take part, but those who are free should go to the tourist officeand sign their team up. I know that past rivalrys between New Generation, ScottDunn, Supertravel and the (local favourites) Magic Mushrooms have made for veryenjoyable viewing.Also if today is Tuesday then tomorrow Kudeta will be hosting the critically acclaimedDJs The Nextmen. The tickets are 10 euros (I hear everyone moan when i comestime to put their hands in their pockets) but it should be definitely worth it. Don’tbelieve me? then type Nextmen into google and read the reviews or download loadtheir great podcast on itunes.

The Courchevel Enquirer

Issue 0515/1/13

The lengths Russians will go to to watch tennis.

“I hate being bi-polar - It’s awesome”

SIå N LEWISBSc, MCSP, Dip AP Sports Phys

CHRISTOPHER MAHERBSc, MSCP

CALL FOR CONSULTATION OR MASSAGE06 68 57 00 99

Dear Snow Cougar,

I am a female seasonaire and have a problem that I hope that your infinitewisdom can assist with. I went out on the mountain with friends and theday turned into a bit of a boozy one. A few of us all ended up overdoingthe Apres and, well, one thing led to another in one bar and I ended upsnogging one of the other girls there. Does this mean I have cheated on myboyfriend? And more importantly does it mean I'm now into girls?

Hungover but satisfied.

Dear HbS,

First of all flattery gets you everywhere dear girl and my infinite wisdom dictates that you get a goldstar for getting out there and having some fun!!! More so than the squealing pubescent boys in thistown. You go girl!!Tell your boyfriend and let him be the judge, although I doubt he will be worried, as long as it wasn'tone of his best mates you should be ok. Only you know the answer to the second one honey but one swallow does not a summer make!!!!Keep up the good work.

The Snow Cougar

if you would like advise from this wise old cat write to info@courchevelenquirer.com

ASK THE SNOW COUGAR and hear this mountain feline growl

FPS RUSSIAWhether you are pro or anti guns youÕ ve got to admire Dimitri. First PersonShooter Russia racked up 3.4 million subscribers making him the 10th most sub-scribed channel on YT. Bascially he shoots a bunch of big guns every week andblows other shit up. HeÕ s only upload just over 100 video but they have beenwatched nearly over 500 million times. Have nice day!

Ò The More Ugly The Woman, The Better The SexÓ John McAfee

To find out which bandsare playing in whichbar at what times.

Visit my-courchevel.co.uk

JenWhat time is it? Time for loveFour jobs you have had in your life? Bouncer, Ski Tech,Tiler, Pole dancerWhat are you most afraid of? SpidersFour films you could watch over and over. Love actual-ly, Princess bride, Lady and the tramp, Scarlett PimpernelPlace of birth? GlasgowFavourite ice cream? Italian vanillaNatural hair colour? CheekyEver love someone so much it made you cry? YesFavourite day of the week? TodayBedtime? Party time!Tattoos? OneFavourite smell? Coco ChanelIf you could meet one person dead? James DeanTop fantasy lover? Wesley / Dread Pirate RobertsTop Fantasy Superpower? Super seduction

David AKA Pretty boyWhat time is it? Time to huck a 3Four jobs you have had in your life? Sat nav driver,waiter, VP of uni hockey clubWhat are you most afraid of? Terrorism and Jen in arageFour films you could watch over and over. Lion King,Toy Story, remember the Titans, GladiatiorPlace of birth? ExeterFavourite ice cream? Devon honeycombeNatual hair colour? BlondeEver love someone so much it made you cry? I’m asensitive personFavourite day of the week? Folie and Ronny dayBedtime? Whenever I fall asleep on the sofaTattoos? Wouldn’t be allowed home if I got oneAcomplishment before you die? 1080 on skis, 100ftcliff drop, invent somethingFavourite smell? Ski waxWorst smell? Cheese fondueIf you could meet one person dead? King Henry VIIIsounds like a huge lad having 6 wivesTop fantasy lover? David Beckham, Little bo peep andthe fitty from Roger RabbitTop Fantasy Superpower? To fly

Josh AKA Mr niceWhat time is it? 14:57 13/1/2013Four jobs you have had in your life? Removal man,Psychology text subject, Check out boy and MusicianWhat are you most afraid of? Taking the company vehi-cle off pisteFour films you could watch over and over. Dark Knightrises, Rush Hour, Lion King, The WarriorFavourite ice cream? Mint choc chipNatual hair colour? BrownEver love someone so much it made you cry? NopeFavourite day of the week? FridayBedtime? 4amTattoos? 2Acomplishment before you die? 1 handed handstandFavourite smell? Crispy baconWorst smell? The fridgeIf you could meet one person dead? Jimi Hendrix.Top fantasy lover? John Mayer – his body is a wonder-landTop Fantasy Superpower? Invisibility

LizlarWhat time is it? Its bobsleigh timeFour jobs you have had in your life? I’ve worked forTHE queen, for A queen, near QUEENStown and nowI’m hereWhat are you most afraid of? Snowbladers with polesFour films you could watch over and over. I love youman, Grease, Layer Cake, UpPlace of birth? LondonFavourite ice cream? I don’t like Ice creamNatual hair colour? BlondeEver love someone so much it made you cry? Haveyou met my boyfriend?Favourite day of the week? Powder dayBedtime? Anytime!Tattoos? None but there are a few I would like toremove from someone elseAcomplishment before you die? To be able to juggleFavourite smell? BF on a good dayWorst smell? BF on a bad dayIf you could meet one person dead? I don’t want tomeet any dead people.Top fantasy lover? Hank MoodyTop Fantasy Superpower? To fly

IInnttrroodduucciinngg tthhee WWhhiitteessttoorrmm sskkii hhiirree tteeaamm ((ffoorr tthhee ffiinnaall ttiimmee))

Seb aka numbnutsWhat time is it? Not hammer timeFour jobs you have had in your life? Architect,Astronaut, Swimmer, Check out boyWhat are you most afraid of? HammertimeFour films you could watch over and over. Bridgetjones, Notting Hill, 4 weddings and a funeral, BJ 2Place of birth? TauntonFavourite ice cream? The chocolate bit at the end of aCornettoNatual hair colour? Chocolate fudge/ Hazel / IntenseCoffeeEver love someone so much it made you cry? I cryevery nightFavourite day of the week? FridayBedtime? 2.30amAcomplishment before you die? Skydiving while eating aroastFavourite smell? Bouncy CastleWorst smell? CourgettesTop fantasy lover? Barack Obama

QQuuoottee ooff tthhee wweeeekkSki Rep:

“Dave I think your the second hottestman in resort”

Liz: “Yes and everyone else is number 1”

THE SURGEON GENERAL WARNSDoing ski seasons can be highly addictive, can seriously damage your sanity, result in a general lack of sleep, makes your arse bigger, increase

the chances of being caught stalking beautiful physiotherapists.All stories contained within are purely fictional and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

Anyone found taking anything too seriously should be buried up to their neck in snow until their balls turn blue.

Courchevel Gangsta Weather Forecast for 2000 m altitude,issued (local time): 9 pm today. WHAT!UP!BITCHES SERIOUS POWDER DUMP OUTSIDE

for at least a week

MMyy ffiinnaall wwoorrddEven though its only just turned January its already time to start talking about seasonnairehoodies. For 10 years I have been created a unique design every year and trying to find thebest quality hoodies to print EVERYONES names on. Not just a couple of names from onecompany names EVERY seasonnaire from tour operators and bars etc are printed on theback. (except La Tania)

Last year we used a recognisable vodka bottle as our design inspiration and this year a cer-tain board game might be used.I know its hard to believe but this is something I do every season primarily for the season-naires, judging by my margins I don’t do it for the money! Other companies in other resortscharge alot more for alot less. Anyway I will be dropping in full information to the resort/ hotelmanagers this week and if you have any questions please don’t heistate to ask.

F is for five stars

Of the 45 hotels currently in Courchevel there are 17 5* hotels. Thats nearly 40% of them. More thananywhere else in the world, per sq meter, with the possible exception of Monaco. And there aremore being built in the Jardin Alpine for next season Call me a bitterly twisted cynic but I think thisis competely batshit unsustainable. Apart from certain soviet peak periods most of these will sitmostly empty throughout the season. Actually it was pointed out that all it needs is for 1 season inthe future where the Russians don’t arrive in force and there will be an almightily sound from theluxury part of resort of a group of hoteliers tearing out their gallic hair and shitting their very expen-sive pants.

G is for Gorillas

I know i had a go about the monkey statues last week but this is more about people taking photosof themselves infront of the gorilla statues. Every time i walk past there is someone mimicking thestatue and personalty its getting rather tiresome. Looking on Twitter/Instagram etc all you can seeare endless photos, not of the slopes etc but people infront of Gorillas.....