The Awakening Essay Results

How to improve your argument and writing skills!

Total class results

Out of total submitted essays:

A (18 – 22; 90 – 100%): 8 studentsB (13 – 17; 80 – 89%): 27 studentsC /D (5 – 12; 65 – 79%): 18 students

Common Praise

• Strong thesis statements• MLA/citation formatting adherence mostly

strong• Selection of strong quotations

Common Issues

• Length of quotations/Failure to use quote fragments

• Use of technique in claims (sea, birds, flowers, etc., should exist in each claim)

• Analysis does not examine actual technique; often summarizes/paraphrases instead of thoroughly examining use of language

• Exploration of symbol’s qualities

Strong example: IntroductionIn many cultures, birds represent autonomy, strength, and wisdom. They generally evoke positive feelings as a result of the traits they have come to be closely associated with. When encaged, however, birds can evoke feelings of entrapment, vulnerability, and oppression. Both of these connotations in regard to the symbolism of birds are embodied in The Awakening by author Kate Chopin. Through Edna Pontellier, the protagonist of the novel, birds are emblematic of her evolution from a woman playing the role of a traditional wife and mother to one who realizes the importance of embracing a life free from societal expectations and restrictions. Nonetheless, her journey to self-realization brings Edna to terms with the destructive consequences that can result from pursuing a life that goes against every law of a patriarchal society. As the story progresses, bird imagery comes to depict these realities and their effects on Edna. In The Awakening, Chopin uses bird imagery to represent the illusion of freedom that ultimately deceives Edna in her attempts at liberation from the constraints of a patriarchal society.

What makes this introduction successful?

Strong example: Analysis of language

Striking is also Chopin’s formulation of “she could have shouted for joy. She did shout…” (43). With this wording, the actual shouting of Edna is additionally emphasized, and it moreover indicates that Edna might first have tried to keep herself under control, but that she eventually had to cave in to the impulse.

What makes this analysis successful?

Strong example: AnalysisThe wings and shoulder blades are Edna’s will to free herself and stand out as an individual. Edna, however, is not “thinking of any extraordinary flights” (83). Edna’s struggle in finding freedom is not strong because she does not have the complete will of going against society and puts half the effort into it since the bird’s view is not set on extraordinary flights. The home is quite small and confining, instilling the feeling of a cage, exemplifying her failure to escape the constraints of domestic role[s] in society.

What makes this analysis successful?

Strong example with opportunity for growth: Qualities of symbol

When Edna invites several of her companions for a dinner party, she hears “the soft, monotonous splash of a fountain” (88) outside. The splash denotes the newfound independence that Edna is exercising as the host of the event, due to the absence of her husband. However, the quietness of the fountain indicates Edna’s lack of complete liberty, but serves as a sign of hope for the protagonist. As the book transitions to the final stages of the narrative, the sea stimulates the ideals which Edna desperately pursues.

What is successful in the examination of symbol qualities? What could be improved?

My comments to “fountain” excerpt

(Evidence previous to fountain was river)• Thinking about rivers, too, they are not all peaceful, and

certainly not monotonous. Water has the tendency to be fairly unpredictable. (Relate to Naturalism?)

Response to fountain analysis:• Fountain is monotonous because it is manmade and

controlled…• Water in a fountain is just cycled around again and again

within the parameters defined for it. Do you still think [the fountain] is [a sign of hope for the protagonist]? How reliable is this hope?

Opportunity for growth: Qualities of symbol and quote length

The parrot wanted to chirp when the music was playing “fortunately offered no further interruption to the entertainment, the whole venom of his nature apparently having been cherished up and hurled against the twins in that one impetuous outburst” (45). The parrot is representing Edna’s desire to speak and act freely since she is different. The venom is the cruel society that stops her from speaking her mind.

What qualities of a parrot are important for this passage? Which parts of the evidence are most important?

My comments to “parrot” excerpt

Further recommendations: •Parrots are creatures whose words are not their own. They repeat things they have heard; therefore, the venom spewed by this creature has been learned. If Edna is the parrot, she has heard or experienced the venomous words or expectations of society before and expels them when she encounters noise (the Farrival twins’ music) she does not like. •“Impetuous” is an even more interesting word, especially when applied to Edna. Think about the way Edna makes decisions and her lack of concern for how her decisions affect others.•CUT QUOTE LENGTH TO ONLY WHAT YOU ABSOLUTELY NEED: FRAGMENT IT!!!

Opportunity for growth: Quote length and blending

While listening to Mademoiselle Reisz play the piano, Edna imagines “the figure of a man standing beside a desolate rock on the seashore. He was naked. His attitude was one of hopeless resignation as he looked toward a distant bird winging its flight away from him” (34). The bird in Edna’s imagination may symbolize Edna’s desire to be free from her unhappy way of life, society, or her husband. The naked man symbolizes her unhappy way of life, society, and her husband.

Which words in the evidence are the most important ones? Does the analysis do justice to the author’s techniques? What can be improved?

Opportunity for Growth: Analysis of language

She then encounters the “everlasting voice of the sea” (6). At this moment, Mrs. Pontellier is finally letting her inner emotions free, as she feels she is not living up to the standards that she should. The sea has triggered a moment where she forgets about society and has a moment of purity true to herself.

What is the purpose of this analysis? What is significant about the author’s use of this language? What can be improved?

Exercise

DIRECTIONS: With a partner, cut the following quotations into manageable two- to seven-word fragments that could support the following claim:

Fitzgerald emphasizes the difference between socioeconomic classes with diction that stresses separation.

Excerpt One

Their interest rather touched me and made them less remotely rich—nevertheless, I was confused and a little disgusted as I drove away.

FRAGMENT:

Excerpt Two

You live in West Egg,” she remarked contemptuously. “I know somebody there.

FRAGMENT:

Excerpt Three

I almost married a little [expletive] who’d been after me for years. I knew he was below me. Everybody kept saying to me, ‘Lucille, that man’s ’way below you!’

FRAGMENT:

Excerpt Four

Instead of rambling, this party had preserved a dignified homogeneity, and assumed to itself the function of the staid nobility of the country-die—East Egg condescending to West Egg, and carefully on guard against its spectroscopic gayety.

FRAGMENT:

LAST PART

Using one of your quote fragments, write a CEA strand to support the claim.