the art of healing
TRANSCRIPT
Grief: God’s Natural Healing Plan for Us
Bob Zima, MA/LCPC
www.bobzima.com
The Art of Healing
Both with 3 lettered names. Both have 66% of the same letters in their
name. One has a J and one has two Bs.They Have Lost Much
ChildrenLivelihoodHome
Two Unique Men – Years Apart
There is a man named Job. He Had Much. Then Lost:ChildrenLivelihoodHome
There is a man name Bob. He Had Much. Then Lost:ChildrenLivelihoodHome
Two Unique Men – Years Apart
Bob and Job:Remained Faithful, Had Friends
Who Comforted Who Suggested that Their Miss Fortune is Result
of Their Own Doing, They are Wicked, God is Angry with Them.
Considered Death as a Means to Heal,Begged to KNOW What They Did Wrong,Went from the Penthouse to the Outhouse,Require Healing.
Two Unique Men – Years Apart
Grief Is NOTONLY ABOUT Death & DyingEASYSIMPLEEver Finished!
The Art of Healing
Hard Work!INTENSE and PainfulCommunal Real World & TimeSkills FocusedA Natural HEALING
Process
Grief Is:
A “Customized” Plan Created for Us by GodPsalm 139 James 1God KNEW We’d Need Our Grieving Style & Skills
A Natural ProcessOften Avoided, Feared, Delayed and Even StoppedGrieving is HARD WORK
Behavioral and Skills-BasedLearn to Manage FearLearn to Heal HurtBe Truthful to Ourselves – Live Out Our Jeremiah
29:11.Honor God by Following His Plan for Us.
Grief Is:
Crisis – Storms of Life thatBreak Connections to
PeoplePlacesThings
Clean-Up the DebrisHurtFear
God Knows Crisis:Jesus in the GardenApostles Post Death – Upper Room
What Are We Grieving Anyway?
Trauma – The “Real Time” Results of the StormAutomatic Emotional Responses
FearHurt
Automatic Physical ResponsesStomach and/or Head AchesTense Muscles; Sore Back and
ShouldersLack of Sleep or AppetiteCrying
What Are We Grieving Anyway?
Recalled (Past) a CrisisImagine (Future) a CrisisExperience (Present) a Crisis
Our BODIES Respond – Fight/Flight/Freeze Response
Heart Rate IncreasesLung Capacity IncreasesMuscles TightenCortisol CoursesMouth DriesBlood Races to Extremities (Leaves Brain)
Effects on Our Physical Bodies
Mend the Broken ConnectionsReconcile When PossibleSeek and Give Forgiveness
Build New ConnectionsEngage SociallyTake Risks
Clean-Up the DebrisManage Our Fear –Adaptation SkillsHeal Our Hurt – Coping Skills
Heal Our BodiesMedical Support and Counseling.
We Grieve to:
Created by GodPsalm 139 – Our TemperamentJames 1 – Our Life ExperiencesAs Unique as We AreMUST Be Implemented By USCan Be a Series of Trials and ErrorsA Learning ExperienceMUST Be Used In Order to HEAL
Our Grief Style
A Continuum On Which We Oscillate
Two Styles of Grief
Martin and Doka, 1999Lie Along a ContinuumIntersect – Oscillation Impacts and
“Effects.”MAY Change With Ager/Experience/Skill
DevelopmentAvoid Assumptions of Style Based on Body
TypeRespect Even CELEBRATE Differences
Male Intuitive and Female Instrumental Disenfranchised at Times.
Two Styles of Grieving
Openly Express Emotions – OK with CatharsisStrong Affect Experiences - VENTINGCongruence Between Inner/Outer ExperiencesMUST Be Expressive to Heal.May OVERWHELM Others.
Attend Support Groups/Social Healing ActionsThe Safe Place to Vent and Just “Be.”
Validation, Ventilation, Time Off, Learning.Go to CounselingTeach Others
Indirect Expression (Book, Seminar)
Intuitive: Feeling to Healing
Love Solitary TimeTime to Think, Plan and Coordinate
Problem SolvingPhysical ActivitySpiritual Implications – Awakenings.
Need to Know, Knowledge and Information DigestionLogical Analysis – Take It InConceptualize – Make It Your OwnLook for Supporting Materials - Research
Express It – Storytelling & Humor.
Instrumental: Thinking to Healing
Control Emotions – Proud of this SkillUse Storytelling and humor to express
emotions that MAY BE CONSIDERD “unacceptable”
Safer to express emotions via story.Create Memorials – “Fix Things” They are
Problem Solvers!They are DOERS. Git ‘R Doners
Proud of Accomplishments and Control.
Instrumental: Thinking to Healing
Instrumental to Intuitive and Back AgainCatharsis to Problem Solver and Back AgainMental Wellness is HEALING in Action.Leveraging YOUR Healing/Grieving Style
(Psychological Fitness Skills) to Improve the Quality of YOUR Life
Learning, Expressing and Ritual.
Oscillation Between The Two
