Parent & Family Magazine Volume 3/ Issue 1

The TCU Parent & Family Magazine is a publication from

Student Development Services in the Division of Student Affairs at

Texas Christian University.

2901 Stadium Drive Brown-Lupton University Union

Suite 2003 Fort Worth, TX 76129

www.parents.tcu.eduparents@tcu.edu

817-257-7855

TCU Mission:To educate individuals to think and act as ethical leaders and

responsible citizens in the global community.

TCU Vision:To be a world-class, values-centered

university.

Connect with TCU news, social media, photos, and more at www.newsevents.tcu.edu

September/October 2015

Contents:

Kay’s ColumnA Message from the Director of Parent & Family Programs

The Chancellor’s Greeting to the TCU Community

I Don’t Like What I See!

CLP: A great opportunity for first-year students

The Pursuit of Happiness: Razorblades, Drugs and Alcohol Aside

Your Student, Transitioning Through College

Parent & Family Magazine

Greetings!

I am so very excited about this magazine. It is filled with good reads and great infor-mation. (I know that I say it every time, but this time, it’s true!) Settle down in a comfy chair and don’t miss a page. In this

issue, you will learn about the following:

•Every semester the Chancellor sends a fun and informative greeting to the Campus Community. I think that you will enjoy click-ing through to see all the exciting things that are happening at TCU!

•Body Image is such an important issue for emerging adults. Both men and women compare themselves to other classmates, pictures on the internet, in magazines, on television and in the movies. Dr. Amanda Swartz, one of our licensed psychologists in the TCU Counseling Center, has written a fabulous article about The Body Project initiative on our campus.

•The Chancellor’s Leadership Program is a marvelous opportunity for about 40 first-year students. The application process has begun for this highly competitive 3 ½ year cohort experience. Read all about it. If it sounds like something in which your son or daughter would thrive, please encourage him/her to apply.

•The Pursuit of Happiness: Razorblades, Drugs, and Alcohol Aside is a bit difficult to read, but it has a happy ending. The university is committed to help all of our students make good choices for their overall

health and wellness. When students strug-gle, we do provide resources to support their healthy recovery.

•At Orientation, we talked about intention-al developmental learning. Several of the articles previously mentioned address the very subject. Each issue of the magazine will have a section on the work of the Tran-sitions program. We will discuss each group of students – first year, middle years, and seniors, and what we are doing to help them maximize all their learning opportunities, both inside and outside of the classroom.

On October 28, Wes Moore, author of The Other Wes Moore, the common reading for this year’s first-year students, will be on campus. He will be speaking at 4 p.m. En-courage your student to attend even if he/she is a sophomore, junior, or senior. Mr. Moore’s story is filled with life experiences that should elicit reflection in one’s own life. All who hear him should be moved to ponder the choices they make and the outcomes that follow. It will be a powerful hour!

If your student ever says, “There is nothing to do here,” don’t believe it! Go straight to www.what2do.tcu.edu and start reading off all the opportunities available to him/her!

By the way, if your student came home for Fall Break, he/she may return to campus and begin calling to say, “I want to come home. I want to transfer.” It is normal. They get adjusted to campus life, then return home to loving parents and siblings, a comfy bed, the family dog or cat and they don’t want to leave this “cup of home” behind. For most students, it will be okay in a few days.

If you are not a regular reader of TCU 360 you might not be aware of a recent article published there, Fort Worth police will no

longer give warnings at off-campus par-ties. (www.tcu360.com/2015/10/). Most students are very responsible neighbors, but for those who are not, the consequences may not be appealing. If your student men-tions anything about the subject, I wanted you to know that all students have been given notice.

Finally, if you have not already, I invite you to go to www.sds.tcu.edu/parent-family/, click on Parent Membership and join the TCU Parents Association. In addition, we need you! No matter where you live in the world, we need you! Answer a few quick questions at the Parent Involvement link. Then take one minute more to provide information to the Career Parent Network! You will be glad that you did these things – and so will we!

Thank you for sharing your sons and daugh-ters with us. It is a privilege and a joy to partner with you and your student for his/her educational opportunities at TCU.

Go Frogs!

Kay Higgins

Kay Higgins, Ph.D. Associate Dean of Student DevelopmentDirector of Parent & Family Programs

Upcoming Important dates

Oct 26••••• Schedule advising begins for upcoming semesterNov 9•••••• Last day to drop a classNov 10••••• Last day to select P/NC for a class

Click this page to see the Chancellor’s interactive welcome message

TCU students traveling to Costa Rica with the Institute for Environmental Studies looked at how Costa Rica is exploring sustainability.

“I don’t like what I see!”Improving Body Image at TCU Through Empowerment

Amanda Swartz, Psy.D., Licensed Psychologist, Counseling and Mental Health Center

Have you ever woken up and thought: “I just don’t feel right in my body today?” Or have you ever looked in the mirror and said to yourself: “I really hate the way I look today?” Have you ever told yourself “I’m so fat and everybody is staring at me?” If you have ever shared any of these experiences, then you have faced a moment of what it is like to struggle with body image. In recent studies, body dissatisfaction is a significant concern for college-age students and can potentially cause emotional distress, depressive symptoms, anxiety, and/or disordered eating patterns.

In a 2010 Healthy Minds study, TCU students reported higher than national average rates of body dissatisfaction, by endorsing the statements “[I] need to be very thin to feel good about [my]self” and “[I] feel fat even though others say [I am] thin.” Through this study, students informed TCU of the need for programming to improve body image.

Have you ever heard your student say something like one of the statements above? It is okay if you have. Negative body image is something that can improve with education and a positive support system.

Here are some simple things we can all do to help ourselves and our students live more body-positive lives:

1. Challenge fat talk. When you hear students making comments like the ones described above, you can reply with something more positive. For example, if your student says to you “my legs look fat in these pants,” you could reply, “your legs are strong and healthy.”

2. Help students recognize the thin ideal portrayed by the media. It is inevitable that the media will influence students. You can be a guide to help understand that media is a million-dollar industry centered around airbrushing and special lighting effects.

3. Focus on internal attributes. Help students recognize the things that are important and amazing about them that have nothing to do with the way they look. For example, remind them how caring, smart, loving, or creative they are.

4. Remind students what their bodies are meant to do. Our bodies are meant to be strong, healthy, and smart. Sometimes your student may need a little reminder and you can be the one to offer this clarity and insight.

5. Encourage your student to express feelings. Sometimes, when people express that they feel bad about their bodies, something else is going on. For example, they could be worried about grades, relationships, jobs, etc. Alternately, they could be experiencing feelings of anxiety or depression. This would be a great time to ask students about other parts of their lives. They may be talking about how they look because this is the easiest thing to focus on.

6. Suggest practicing self-care. If students are struggling with body image, encourage them to practice healthy coping skills to distract themselves from feeling bad about their bodies. For example, they could reach out to a friend, watch a favorite movie, practice deep breathing, listen to calming music, or do anything else they find calming.

7. Write a list with your student of all the things that you appreciate about him/her. This can be an activity that you do, over time, with your student. Working on this activity together will be a continuous reminder that he/she is much more than a body.

8. Support your student in being realistic about his/her body. Everyone’s body is unique, special, and different. This is part of what makes us who we are. Encourage your student to celebrate this individuality.

9. Guide students and their friends to create media-free or positive-media living environments. The media can create unrealistic expectations for bodies and lifestyles. Creating our living space to mirror the lives we want can improve our overall well-being. Students spend much of their time in their residence halls or apartments, so creating a calm, positive space to live in can lessen their time surrounded by negative media images. Also, limiting time on social media can be a positive change, as it can help students spend less time comparing themselves and their lives to others’.

10. Empower students to be the change they want to see. Your student is at a pivotal point in life. Your student can be a leader in making body-positive comments to peers. Your student can choose not to engage in fat talk and body shaming. Students can choose to love their bodies.

TCU is joining the fight, too! On 9/1/15 and 9/2/15, TCU held its first two official Body Project trainings. The Body Project is an empirically supported, dissonance-based body-acceptance program designed to help college-age women resist cultural pressures to conform to the “thin-ideal” standard of female beauty and reduce their pursuit of unhealthy thinness. Here are some key facts about The Body Project: 1) it is supported by more research than any other body image program, 2) it has been found to reduce the onset of eating disorders, and 3) this program has been implemented on over 100 campuses in North America (both under The Body Project brand and under a different name, Reflections: Body Image Program). In March 2015, TCU had an expert Body Project Trainer from the Eating Recovery Center in Denver, CO spend a weekend with 13 student-trainers and 4 faculty / staff partners in an intensive training to learn how to implement the program at TCU. These 13 student-trainers are now expertly trained to run workshops to improve body image with TCU women. At this point, the program has only been empirically validated with women. However, every campus movement needs all students involved, so the Body Project is asking all men and women to become involved by being aware of how they think about and talk to each other—so compliment friends about how smart they are today! Any female student can sign up to be part of the Body Project at: http://ow.lyOrusR

Here are two TCU student-trainer’s reactions to their experience of going through the program:

This was an amazing experience. I can say that this program helped me feel better about my body. On top of boosting my self-esteem, I feel prepared to try and help other women with their body image. This program introduced me to so many amazing people that I wouldn’t have gotten to meet otherwise. I feel confident that my team can start to help women with body image. I would strongly recommend to any person who is struggling with body image that they should come check out the program. I think that it can truly impact people. I’m so happy that I got to attend the program and meet my awesome team. – TCU Body Project Trainer

I loved the training. It made me expand my horizons as far as loving myself and learning how to teach others to learn themselves. I’m really elated by the opportunity it has given me to teach and uplift my peers. This program essentially has aided me to learn about myself and growing me into the person that I aspire to be. It has also helped me to move towards a healthy lifestyle. The universal message really impacts me and speaks to my vision that I have set for myself in my lifetime. I appreciate the opportunity. – TCU Body Project Trainer

Chancellor’s Leadership Program: An exciting Opportunity for First Year StudentsDede Williams, MBA, Director of the TCU Leadership Center

The TCU Leadership Center provides a variety of unique and impactful ways for students to focus on their leadership development and growth. An upcoming opportunity is highlighted below:

Chancellor’s Leadership Program

What is this program: • The Chancellor’s Leadership Program (CLP) is a leadership development program guided by the Social Change Model of Leadership Development. Open to all majors, CLP offers a co-curricular, three and a half year, guided cohort experience for students who commit to learning how leadership development will contribute to their education and their communities. Throughout the program, CLP Fellows are expected to complete a number of activities including identifying their leadership style and strengths, participating in leadership seminars, active community service, and the completion of a Social Change Legacy Project. Fellows are assigned a CLP Cohort Advisor whose role is to facilitate seminars and meet with each Fellow regularly to discuss additional opportunities for personal leadership growth.

Who is this program is for: • Any first-year student can apply to CLP during their first semester (applications are open this year from October 1-16 and can be found on the TCU Leadership Center portal on OrgSync.)

Student testimonials

Jacqueline Antwi-Danso: CLP has given me an amazing opportunity to learn about social change and grow alongside other students who are also passionate

about leaving a positive mark on the world, and THAT is so impactful.

Mia Dinh: CLP is a great program that has given me a strong foundation of leadership and taught me how to be a change agent in my community. I am honored to be a part of such a passionate, responsible, and diverse group of student leaders.

Bryan Tony: Over the course of three years, I have witnessed my peers and I entering the Chancellor’s Leadership Program to emerge as true, capable

social change agents, ready to take on any obstacles that stand in our way in an ever-evolving world.

http://www.leadership.tcu.edu

The Pursuit of Happiness: Razorblades, Drugs and Alcohol Aside

Provided by Tiara Nugent, Program Director. The Bottom Line, TCU

At some point in life, nearly every individual embarks on a quest to find identity and purpose. The TCU student featured in the account below is no exception. This story chronicles heartbreak, trauma and experimentation that led to addiction but ultimately

reminds us all no one is too far gone to find healing and recovery.

It was an average Friday night. I’d gone out with friends to hit up a couple bars near campus and, as usual, indulged in too many cold ones.

Staggering into my dorm room in the wee hours of morning, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My feet stopped. Ashamed, I stood star-ing at my reflection, despising the broken, bitter, underweight 18 year-old cowering in the glass. I couldn’t take it anymore.

My hands fumbled for the razorblade hiding beneath my socks. I knew how to escape this pain: I would end my life.

Life in the SouthMy parents raised my brother, sister and me in a red-bricked home nestled in a mid-sized town settled deep in the South. We attended church and Sunday School every week. I was never very athletic, but I learned to strum a guitar pretty well. Santa delivered every Christmas. I had every apparent reason to be happy.

“Happy” never came so easy for me though. I knew it was something I was supposed to be, so I trained myself to act “happy” in front of my family, teachers and friends to hide the loneliness and depression I felt inside.

I don’t know where those feelings first came from, but I do know the chapters of my life that escalated those feelings out of control.

Chapter One took place in kindergarten when I was conditioned to believe my ADHD prescription medication were pills I must take to “fix” myself and make me “normal.”

Chapter Two began on the day I, tired of the fight, relinquished the definition of my self-worth to the cruel and constant banter of cowardly bul-lies at school.

Chapter Three was set in a middle school summer camp, where amidst fun, games, bug spray and s’mores I experienced shock, anger, pain and confusion as a victim of sexual assault.

From there forward, my story became a blur.

TemptationHigh school is hard enough if you’re cool and popular – two adjectives never used to describe me. In those lonesome halls, my struggles be-came overwhelming. Desperate for a “fix,” I reached for alcohol.

My first experience with intoxication felt shockingly freeing. I was finally okay – possibly even comfortable – in my own skin.

Alcohol was easily accessible – from my parents’ jimmied liquor cabinet, from friends who purchased it for me and later through my fake ID – and I drank it again, and again, and again. Once I took a sip, I could not stop until I passed out or ran out.

In spite of abundant negative consequences, I, at fifteen, chased with full force the illusion of self-acceptance drunkenness granted.

Before long, I also gave in to the temptation to experiment with other drugs. If alcohol could create euphoria, what could pharmaceutical pills do? I had to know.

My cousin, who doubled as my best friend, used drugs with me. It was our thing, right up until the 10th grade. In an instant, I was left grappling with the loss of my cousin to an overdose of Xanax and opiates. Heartbroken, I kicked myself for letting the last text I sent him be a demand for more pills.

In the bleak days that followed, if I couldn’t get my hands on alcohol or drugs I engaged in self-harm to turn the mental pain that I felt into something physical. Anything to escape the guilt and grief.

Out of ControlIn the fall of 2012, I came to TCU ready to leave the strife of high school behind. I joined a Greek organization, declared an impressive major, and set lofty academic goals. No one at TCU knew the type of person I was in high school. In front of me lay a clean slate.

I gave little thought to my substance use – it certainly wasn’t off the table. I didn’t need a squeaky clean slate. I expected to drink and smoke weed occasionally. Given that this was college, I thought that would be normal. What everyone did. What everyone accepted.

My expectations, dreams and plans in no way mirrored the reality of that semester. In short, my friends were appalled and disturbed by my out-of-control drinking and that first semester was a disaster. As mentioned afore, a nearly fatal disaster.

The days after my attempted suicide passed slowly in the hospital bed. I had been too boozed up that night to fully execute my suicide-by-razor plan. Sober and noshing green Jell-O, I felt thankful for that. Still, the night I was discharged from the hospital I didn’t think twice about downing hard liquor.

InterventionMy treacherous patterns of self-medication built to climax on New Year’s Eve 2012.

I remember telling myself to watch how much I drank that night. I honestly did try, but I had no control. Hours after the ball dropped, I arrived home in drunken rage.

This is the part of the story where I pause to praise my saintly parents. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for them that night, watching their child belligerently trash their house, spitting profanity all the while… and I’d put them through hell the past few months already.

My mom and dad made sure I didn’t hurt myself that night, but otherwise offered no intervention until the next afternoon when I wandered into the kitchen, confused by the wreck in my room and rubbing my pounding head. I consider this a true testament of their wisdom – if you’ve ever tried to reason with a drunk, you do as well.

My parents sat with me and sobered me down. They told me they loved me and that they were very concerned about my alcohol use. They asked me to get help.

I listened, then contemplated. I wouldn’t mind a change of habits. I didn’t want to fail college, but that’s where my grades were pointing. Maybe a break from alcohol would be good for me. I could stop drinking until after college… or maybe just until I turned 21.

Dispassionately, I made a deal with my parents to stop drinking in exchange for a new phone and a new computer. Then I brought them all the liquor bottles hidden in my room.

Not AloneI arrived back to campus a week later completely at a loss as to what to do next. That week without alcohol had been hard – so hard I was more worried about myself than ever before.

As luck would have it, that week’s campus news blast contained a blurb about a TCU Recovery Peer Support Group. Showing up to the group was plain terrifying, but once there my fear of staying the same outweighed my fear of speaking up.

“I think I might be an alcoholic.”

I didn’t dare raise my eyes from the floor, unsure what reaction my outburst confession might induce. As it turned out, I had nothing to fear. In-stead of judgment, disgust or pity I received expressions and words of compassion, concern and understanding. The group invited me to come back and I did. Through their vulnerability, I had glimpsed the freedom recovery offers and I couldn’t get that idea out of my head.

Three weeks later, with other students from the group, I attended a 12 step fellowship designed for people who had a problem with alcohol. Again I was nervous, but I kept going back because I saw people smiling and at peace without needing to drink alcohol or smoke weed.

I was so tired of being myself. Tired of searching for an identity and satisfaction at the bottom of a bottle. Finally, I wanted change enough to work for it.

RecoveryI could never claim change was easy. At first, my life felt ripped apart. Without alcohol or drugs to change the way I felt or fill my time, I was forced to face the demons inside and find new people and new activities to occupy the blank space. Forging a new normal was weird, but slowly, it came together.

I began attending at least one, if not two, meetings a day. I diligently worked the steps. I also started to look to a Higher Power, whom I call God, to do for me what I could not do for myself. I slipped up a couple times in those first few months, but I did not give up.

I stopped taking amphetamines, smoking weed and drinking alcohol in May of 2013, and haven’t had a drink or drug since.

EpilogueI once thought that if my life were misery at the time I turned 23, I would try again to kill myself. Today, at 21, I stand convinced there is no diffi-culty I can encounter that I can solve with alcohol, drugs or razorblades.

I know every day won’t be dreams coming true. Some days will be hard. Some days I will feel sad. Some days I will be tempted to make poor choices. Some days I may even fail, but every day, by God’s grace, I will grow from my experiences and use the power of my past to encourage others who are hurting and searching.

I will make my second chance at life count, and that makes me happy.

Your Student, Transitioning Through CollegeStudent Development in the First, Middle, and Senior years at TCU

Class of 2019 The First–Year Experience First Year Experience is enthusiastic to welcome the largest incoming class in TCU’s history. With close to 2,100 new first-year students, it made for a very exciting summer.

Over 1,500 students participated in 12 Frog Camps and students had a great time during Frogs First. During Frog’s First, students were welcomed to the TCU community at the Chancellor’s Assembly, which was followed by a brilliant fire work display. As students are acclimating to college, there continues to be plenty of opportunities for them to get involved and make new friends.

Currently, students are participating in Connections, a six-week leadership program; applying for Frog Aides, Student Government’s student-led leadership training program exclusively for first-year students; and attending theEnd programs on weekends.

Upcoming leadership and involvement opportunities, for which students have begun applying include Chancellor’s Leadership Program, Orientation Leaders, Frog Camp Facilitators, Frogs First Leaders, and Connections Mentors. Students had an opportunity to polish their interview skills and learn more about these leadership positions by attending our workshop on October 6.

Please refer your students to www.sds.tcu.edu to learn more about these amazing opportunities.

Class of 2018 & 2017The Sophomore & Junior–Year Experience

Hopefully, sophomores and juniors, the middle years, return to campus in the fall with a sense of a narrowing focus and increasing responsibility. They are taking on more responsibility with their course work, internships, employment and being more intentional about the choices they make.

If your son or daughter is finding all this transition difficult to navigate, don’t despair; TCU is a safe space for students to experience challenge. If you feel conversations and guidance about time management and balance are concepts your student still needs to be successful, remind your son/daughter of the resources he/she may not have used the first few semesters. Your student should be more receptive now. For academic assistance, the Center for Academic Services offers academic success workshops every semester. For those with limited math ability, the Math Clinic is open 40 – 45 hours a week with a graduate assistant present to assist the student with homework or test preparation. The James L. Adams Center for Writing is staffed by writing professionals, including published authors and Ph.D. faculty. If a student is feeling overwhelmed or is dealing with medical, psychological, or circumstantial issues, Campus Life, Counseling and Mental Health Center, the TCU Health Center, or the Religious and Spiritual Life staff can be of great help.

Sophomores and juniors should keep an eye out for opportunities on campus that complement their studies and build their leadership skills. Student Development Services is an excellent place to start looking for these opportunities. For example, the Sophomore Getaway, January 16 – 18, 2016, is a great example of a program to help students reflect on where they have been, discover where they are going, and meet faculty and staff who can help them achieve their goals. Instead of quantity, encourage your son or daughter to narrow his/her focus and search for quality involvements so that he/she can strengthen the skills learned in the first year or two of college. As always, reach out if you need help guiding your student- we are here to help!

As a reminder: If your sophomore student did not attend the second year pinning on Friday, September 18, he/she can still receive the dated pin by stopping by the Student Development Services office, BLUU Suite 2003, Monday – Friday, 8 a.m.–5 p.m..

Trung Nguyen, M.A., Assistant Director of the First Year Experience, Student Development Services

Keri Cyr, M.Ed., Director of the Sophomore & Junior Year Experience, Student Development Services

Registration coming soon for the Sophomore Getaway- an off-campus, frog-camp like experience designed specifically for the developmental

needs of sophomores. January 16-18, 2016.

Tell your sophomores to watch their emails and campus advertisements

for more information (and we’ll send it to you too!)

Class of 2016The Senior Year Experience

A Time for Reflection

Many seniors are drawn to reflect upon the journeys that have led them to this point in their lives. While this happens naturally for some, all seniors should be encouraged to do it with intention, to carefully think about the experiences they’ve had and how those experiences have helped shape them. Intentional reflection helps us avoid the extremes of either meaninglessly wandering through life or unquestioningly jumping through the hoops prescribed by others. This article provides a brief guide for reflection, which seniors can use now and in the future to help ensure that they are living with greater awareness and understanding of who they are, the choices they are making, who they are becoming, and the life they are helping create for themselves and the people around them.

To begin reflecting in this way, seniors should think back and list some of their most significant life experiences. This list can be focused only on the years of college, or it can go further back. The list doesn’t have to include every single memorable event. Rather, the senior can start with just one or two memories from each semester and summer. Another approach can be to narrow the focus on the types of experiences, such as academic, career, financial, social, or spiritual.

Once a list has been generated, apply the Gibbs’ Model of Reflection, in which there are 6 stages of reflection upon each event:

1. Description:

What actually happened? Don’t make any judgments yet or try to draw any conclusions; simply describe the events in terms of who, what, when, where, and how.

2. Feelings:

What were your emotional reactions or feelings? It’s still not time to analyze anything.3. Evaluation:

Now you can start making value judgments. What was good or bad, right or wrong, pleasant or unpleasant, easy or hard, about the experience?

4. Analysis:

What sense can you make of the situation? How does it relate to other things you’ve experienced? What was really going on? If other people were involved, how were they affected and how did they respond? Why did it happen the way it did?

5. Conclusions:

a. General: What are the basic lessons you take from this that could be of value to just about anyone?

b. Specific: In what ways might you be different because of this experience? How did it reinforce and/or change the way you think and behave? What effects might it have had on your interests, beliefs, and values? What knowledge and/or skills did you acquire or sharpen through this experience? How might it have impacted the way you relate with others? What effects could it have had on what you have wanted to learn and the goals you have set, and will set, for yourself?

6. Personal action plans:

How might you handle such experiences in the future? What new or further steps will you take because of this experience?

It is important for individuals to learn

Chuck Dunning, M.A., Director of the Senior Experience, Student Development Services

and practice the skills of reflection on their own. It’s also important for family and friends to be ready, willing, and able to reflect with them. We encourage you to share this model with your senior and offer to accompany him/her in going through the steps. Finally, the staff of SYE is also available to help seniors in this way. We welcome any opportunity to meet with students on an individual or group basis to clarify and address their unique needs.

Texas Christian University2800 South University Drive Fort Worth, TX 76129

www.tcu.edu

Our Mission: To educate individuals to think and act as ethical leaders and

responsible citizens in the global community.