Tales of the

Angler Wranglers

The Angler Wranglers are an elite security force committed to seeking out and thwarting the effects of hostile life forms, both known and potential, in San Francisco

Bay. The laughing virus and the dreaded Angler Fish bear the dubious distinction of being the primary nemeses of the Angler Wranglers. To be considered for this

mission, all crew members were required, at a minimum, to be masters (and mistresses) of disguise and nonverbal communication and possess some form of ESP -- skills

which they perfected as students at Wrangler University, under the tutelage of the Head Wrangler. In addition, each contributes additional, unique skills to every

mission. At Wrangler Academy, the feeder prep school for Wrangler University, students train on small-scale equipment and develop their unique talents, dreaming of

the day they will graduate to Wrangler University and qualify for a real mission as elite Wranglers battling the forces of aquatic evil on full-size mighty airships and boats

such as the imposing Cetacea.Transgenic Xenobiotic fish identified in the USA: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/24/testicle-fish-new-

jersey_n_3984181.html

Crew Member Aimee. Completed with distinction her Wrangler U. courses in

nonverbal communication and acting skills. Received commendations for her varied

smile repertoire (innocent; skeptical; diffident), thus earning her a coveted spot in the

rigorous anti-laughing-virus advanced training program where she exhibited

exceptional skill at being able to frown at will. Her ability to use her ingénue

Amish/Prairie persona to fake injury and gain sympathy secured her placement on

this, her first mission. In Wrangler tradition, her crewmates assigned Amish Aimee a

nickname: “AA.”

Crew member Daneen. Highly respected for her calm demeanor and ability to

channel Nautilus via the feminine avatar, NaughtyLass. Prone to singing the Siren

Song whenever the impulse strikes, and seen here accompanying herself on a

weaponized musical instrument of her own making, the NepTune, used to

surreptitiously summon Nephilim via coded tones and detect/analyze

unknown sounds. With minor adjustments known only to the NaughtyLass,

the NepTune can also be instantly converted to a karaoke-based instrument

of audio torture, trapping its targets at various points along the audio spectrum.

Crew member Erin. Nonverbal Communications Officer and Airship Captain.

Accomplished disguise artist. Adept practitioner of nonverbal hand signals.

Communications sub-specialties include transcendental transmissions, telekinesis,

and telepathic messaging. Combat specialty is rapid and accurate firing of

weapons from the missile bays disguised in the hips of her uniform. Graduated with

honors from Wrangler University and holds a certificate of distinction in gymnastic

semaphore from Monty Python’s Flying Circus.

Crew Member Gigi. Communications Officer highly skilled in the design, use and

maintenance of multiple communication and danger-detection devices of the non-

telepathic variety. Recipient of special recognition citation from Head Wrangler for

her clever camouflage of communications equipment in the embossed designs of her

pantyhose and the openwork lace design of her blouse. Solid track record and

demonstrated expertise in support and defense of Wranglers against the laughing

virus, unidentified objects and life forms, and enemy undercover agents in various

embodiments. Shares responsibility with crew member John for oversight of

undercover security agents Buttinsky, Goldie, Segwayfarers, and Passerby.

Crew Member John. Expertise in stealth maneuvers, nonverbal kung fu, and

inscrutability. Admired for his ability to keep a low profile in emergent situations.

Procurement officer responsible for provisioning weaponized comestibles,

transport vehicles and quality control of undercover security.

Crew Member Wendy. Crew’s Muse. Accomplished alchemist and crew

naturopath. Trains others in proper administration of the vegan blessing.

Responsible for assessing appropriate elixirs to be administered for superpower

maintenance and antidotes. Also responsible for maintaining the time portal,

resulting in a fluid perception of time and occasional confusion regarding

mission departure time. Harbors a strong preference for mission reportage

that is unvarnished, unlike the Cetacea trim which she graces in this photo.

Head Wrangler/Captain – Distinguished veteran of prior

engagements with the laughing virus and emasculating female Angler

fish. Wrangler University mentor to all crew members. Trusted and

respected by crew despite a known liquid-control disorder, which he

seeks to overcome and dispel through successful pours of bubbling

elixir for the crew on each mission. Fully outfitted with specialized

underwater diving helmet, sword, gloves, boots, chaps and

appropriate protective gear of his own design, manufactured in a

secret location by General Overt Nautical Aquatic Defense.

Even his crew does not know the full capabilities and powers

of his vestments and tools.

Captain/Head Wrangler provides a visual reminder of the Angler nemesis before

leading the crew in the inspirational WAM pep chant (the Wrangler! the Angler!

the Mission!) that commences each mission.

Captain continues the WAM briefing with more visual aids.

During the Captain's briefing, newbie “AA” (Amish Aimee) tries to disguise her

skepticism with a half-hearted smile, one of many from her repertoire.

.

Gigi senses Aimee’s wariness and models a cool and confident affect while also

making sure the embedded communicators in her pantyhose and lace blouse

are in the optimal position for transmitting and receiving data.

Captain encourages crew to refresh their knowledge of the Angler’s habits

and behaviors. Daneen assumes pedagogic yoga position for this purpose.

Captain adds that he is well aware that Wrangler Academy sophomores

have currently been pranking the freshmen by deleting the scholastic Angler

information resource at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anglerfish from the

freshman course syllabus and instead substituting the light-hearted parody at

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/angler. He soberly reminds the crew of the

potential consequences of misidentification of hostile life forms.

Unaware of the embarrassingly ironic hand gestures and placement of his

illustrative poster about the female Angler’s emasculating dissolution of

the male Angler’s gonads during mating, the Captain

begins to share the details of the mission’s goal.

The doubts of Amish Aimee (AA) persist; but Daneen coolly and confidently

commits to memory the Captain’s unfolding plan.

Captain’s unfolding plan. The crew will head to Angel Island for a top secret

meeting, during which further information will be revealed. Daneen

sees room for improvement in this approach, but says nothing.

Having recently read Sheryl Sandberg’s book, “Lean In,” ambitious and eager-to-

please new recruit Aimee learns of her key role in the day’s mission. Her

assignment: cause a distraction to allow the crew to proceed unimpeded to the

meeting location. Method: fake an ankle injury.

A confident Daneen listens attentively as the Captain advises

there is “No room for even thiiiis much error.” .

.

“Coming up empty-handed is not an option on this mission.”

Sensing he may have come on too strong and scared some of the newbies,

the Captain attempts to ease the tension with a classic ice-breaker: “Who

wants to pull my finger?” The crew relaxes and begins to prepare for

arrival at their destination: Angel Island.

Procurement Officer John checks supplies of bubbly elixir, while

Gigi examines air-brushed chocolate vaccine

Meanwhile, Airship Captain and Nonverbal Communications Officer

Erin begins some warm-up ESP drills.

.

Erin’s jazz hands indicate her semi-transcendental state has detected the

Captain’s suppressed anxiety that his liquid-control disorder might

affect his leadership command on this mission. She subtly and deftly

arranges a confidence-building exercise for him.

Captain practices accessing bubbly elixir while Nonverbal Communications Officer

Erin sends telepathic messages of encouragement and affirmation.

Having successfully dispensed the bubbly elixir with nary a spilled drop, a much

relieved and gratified captain conducts a quality-control check with the crew.

Meanwhile, Communications Officer Gigi performs a quality-control

check on her vestment communications equipment and adjusts the

transponder embedded in her chapeau. She thinks she may be getting

a reading of unusual activity on Angel Island.

John, too, senses the need to move to Alert Mode and so signals

his assessment nonverbally to Gigi

Acting immediately upon John’s information, Gigi assumes her duties as

Communications Officer and receives telepathic permission from

John to issue an order for Special Agents Goldie, Passerby,

Buttinsky and Segwayfarers to be on standby at the Island.

.

Daneen also prepares for imminent arrival at Angel Island by warming up

her Siren Song to unlock the NepTune….just in case

Having arrived at the Island in a state of high alert, the Captain immediately

surveys the situation from the dock, while telepathic Erin realizes the crew

needs to be relaxed in order to deliver peak performance.

Accordingly, she playfully suggests a round of Dunk the Captain.

.

Daneen is amused by Erin's suggestion.

While waiting for the rest of the crew to join them for the trek to the meeting

site, Aimee informs Gigi she wants to earn her Angler Leaping Badge

during this mission. As a senior crew member, Gigi agrees to administer

the test. Amish Aimee, the newbie, must leap from the chair to the wagon,

using only her mental powers to propel her. She is allowed 42 attempts.

Sadly, Aimee failed the test. 42 times. Distraught that she fell off the wagon, AA

is consoled with a refreshment thrust into her hand. On the bright side, since her

numerous attempts resulted in a twisted ankle, she successfully fulfilled her

assignment, creating a distraction that allowed the crew to slip unnoticed onto land.

With the crew now fully disembarked and assembled for the meeting, the Captain

congratulates newbie Aimee on the successful fulfillment of her assignment to fake

an ankle injury, unaware that she is actually injured. Her comrades smile knowingly

and say nothing. They agree to proceed with all due haste to the meeting site.

En route to the meeting site, some crew members exhibit symptoms

of the insidious laughing virus.

Erin and Aimee try to shake off any potential attack of the laughing virus.

Back on the wagon with her beer, AA lies low to avoid attracting attention and

hopes the laughing virus will dissipate in a supine body.

Drawing on her smile repertoire, Aimee uses one of her upside-down models

to fully banish the laughing virus as she and Erin arrive at the meeting site.

The defense perimeter is activated with the placing of the chalice, and the

secret meeting is called to order. The trained crew automatically

checks defense tools and equipment.

As the Captain continues to dispense the bubbly elixir

without spillage, Erin offers encouragement

.

Daneen and Gigi feel they, too, should complement the captain’s

pouring performance, but are more reserved in their affirmations.

The crew begins its stealthy return to the boat to change into mission

gear and commence their patrol. In hushed tones they discuss how to

slip by the authorities, who have been spied unexpectedly

enforcing the mandatory straw-hat dress code on the Island.

Confident in their straw hats, Gigi, Erin, and Aimee move briskly in the direction of

the dock, providing cover for John and the Captain following behind in their

baseball caps.

Lacking the benefit of hindsight, John, Daneen and the Captain are unaware that a

member of the Angel Island Straw-Hat-Dress-Code-Enforcement patrol is tailing

them. The Island’s enforcement officer alerts the dock authorities by opening her

sweater and telegraphing her surveillance findings via t-shirt messaging and a wireless

uplink on the side of her sunglasses. Unaware of what’s transpiring behind him, John

wonders why some of his undercover agents are suddenly filing into formation ahead.

Having telepathically intercepted the enforcement patrol officer’s t-shirt message

to the dock authorities, Communications Officer Gigi used her vanguard position

to advantage to summon emergency back-up from undercover agents

Segwayfarers, thus providing a distracting and camouflaged barrier between

her and her three trailing crew members lacking straw hats

Just outside the perimeter of the dock authorities, the Wrangler

crew reconnoiters the situation and discusses possible tactics for

slipping unnoticed off the Island and back to the Cetacea.

One for all, all for one. Aimee, Gigi and Erin assure Daneen they will scale this

latest hurdle together, despite the fact Daneen is wearing no hat whatsoever.

Maintaining a low profile and calm assurance to allay frayed nerves of the crew,

John checks in with undercover agents Buttinsky and Passerby, stationed behind

the lavatories.

Observing that the stress levels of the crew are making them vulnerable

to the laughing virus, John decides to get the Captain before the

crew attempts its subterfuge against the dock authorities.

Spotted from the shadows! But the straw-hatted Wranglers act as if nothing is

amiss and ignore the Ranger to their left.”

Ranger Woodie intercepts the wagon and informs the crew they cannot

access the dock until they meet the Angel Island dress code: every Island

visitor must wear a straw hat or else prove they've brought one. As

a precautionary measure against a percolating conflict, Gigi uses

her PICYA nose communicator to order Agent Buttinsky on stand-by.

*PICYA: Pacific Inter-Club Yacht Association

Ranger Woodie explains, “If it were up to me, you could wear whatever you want on

your head. Or not. But my job is to enforce the rules.” Behind him, his fellow

rangers realize that they’ve forgotten their straw hats, and the ambitious Woodie

likely will report them for a dress-code infraction.

.

Tuning in to the distress of the bare-headed rangers, Gigi sends them telepathic,

nonverbal messages of support and encouragement. In return, one of the rangers

shares nonverbally her opinion that she thinks Woodie is a butthead. And that

reminds Aimee that Agent Buttinsky hasn’t shown up yet.

Seeking to de-fuse the escalating situation and allow Agent Passerby to

approach as Ranger Woodie shows off his trigger finger, Gigi flirtatiously asks,

“Ranger Woodward, is that a pistol in your pocket? Is that why you’re called

Woodie?”

Continuing the ego-boost ruse, she coquettishly points out that a Ranger

is only two letters away from being a Wrangler

.

Agent Passerby, disguised as a mildly interested Angel Island tourist on

his way to the garbage can, delivers a weaponized comestible in the form of

a used ice cream wrapper. Despite the confounding absence of Agent

Buttinsky as back-up, Gigi continues her distracting flirtation to

provide an escape opportunity for the at-risk crew.

.

Relieved to be back at the ship and ready for patrol, the crew checks its

equipment and cranks up its telepathy receptors

Though the crew appears relaxed and ready, the Head Wrangler

suspects that trouble has already arrived somewhere beneath them.

.

The crew assumes the motionless surveillance stance and fully engages its

telepathic receptors

Time for action! Everyone to their posts!

.

Wendy is the first to spy unidentified waterfowl on the periphery and alerts

the crew

Almost simultaneously, ghostly underwater figures appear near the dock.

.

.

One of the ghostly underwater figures pierces the water’s surface with

what appears to be a communication apparatus of some sort.

At the same time, in an alarming coincidence, the unidentified water fowl break

formation and head for the dock. The crew suspects an imminent attack by the

Angler fish and/or the laughing virus and begins defensive maneuvers.

Before the crew can act, the second life form moves into position with

its apparent companion, as the first one transmits a data array from its

blow-hole to a nearby wooden communication tower.

Undercover agent Goldie is dispatched for surveillance.

While awaiting Goldie’s report, and wishing to avoid an interspecies

incident, the crew desperately checks its various devices to determine if,

as they suspect, the unidentified life forms are the friendly

Humpasaurs, and whether the waterfowl are friend or foe.

A positive ID is made. The unidentified life forms are Agent Buttinsky and his

trainee, Golden Buttincup! Agent Buttinsky tells the crew the order he received

was for Butt-In-Sky –- the eponymously named classic warning maneuver he

invented while at Wrangler Academy -- so that’s what he executed, even though

that’s not his current specialty. And the waterfowl were back-up resources, as they

are expert Butt-In-Sky divers for aquatic assignments. Realizing that they narrowly

avoided a “friendly fire” incident, the crew is appalled at the miscommunication that

has taken place. But veterans Buttinsky and Golden Buttincup take it in stride

with good humor and Buttinsky clasps his hands in the Namaste sign-off signal. .

De-compressing after the false alarm, and feeling in need of some therapeutic

bubbly elixir, Gigi contemplates the close call they just avoided, and mulls over her

contributions to the Lessons Learned meeting that is sure to follow.

In contrast, Erin attempts to lighten the mood in her formal mermaid disguise.

“Awww, c’mon…it wasn’t THAT bad. What, me worry? Time for bubbly elixir!”

Sensitive and customarily composed Daneen, more rattled than the rest

of the crew, basks in the comfort to be derived from a railing hug.

Smug and bemused, muse Wendy’s primary emotion is relief that the time

portal did not need to be activated during the unfortunate incident.

In a continued attempt to elevate the crew’s mood and put a positive

spin on the day's events, Erin uses her gymnastic semaphore talents

to convince them that they actually kicked butt.

Impressionable Aimee agrees with Erin, and adopts a stance

advocating “We had a leg up for most of it!

v

Not wanting to buck the esprit de corp, Gigi assents to the prevailing mood and

salutes her team for a job well done.

John adds his stoic kung fu victory salute, and suggests the

crew pose for a memorial mission photo.

A proud and triumphant crew of Wranglers regains its confidence.

Cruising by during a class exercise in one of the school’s mini training boats, a

gaggle of Wrangler Academy underclassmen gawks admiringly at

the Wrangler elite team – each a star without peer, on the pier.

On the return trip home, Erin, Daneen and Wendy – unaware that they are

smiling broadly – agree that the mission sure was a lot of fun.

Continuing the playful and lighthearted mood on the return trip, Erin shows off her

psycho kinesis skills on an unsuspecting Aimee by levitating Aimee's braids.

At their final docking, the Angler Crew poses for its official mission album photograph, proud of its accomplishments and secure in the knowledge that another successful

patrol has kept at bay in the Bay the Angler fish and laughing virus, despite their multitudinous embodiments. But wait….what is that glowing form stuck to the metal frame

between John and the Head Wrangler??? Stay tuned.