speak up! - university of massachusetts amherst · responding to everyday bigotry i version speak...

responding to everyday bigotry I

ABRIDGED VERSION OF THE AWARD-WINNING ANTI-BIAS GUIDERESPONDING TO EVERYDAY BIGOTRY

SPEAK UP!DEVELOPED BY TEACHING TOLERANCE · A PROJECT OF THE SOUTHERN POVERTY LAW CENTER

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SPEAK UP!

responding to everyday bigotry 1

SPEAK UP!INTRODUCTION 2

ANOTETOTHEREADER 5

RESPONDINGTOEVERYDAYBIGOTRY:10SCENARIOSWhatCanIDoAboutFamily? 6WhatCanIDoAboutImpressionableChildren? 7WhatCanIDoAboutFriendsandColleagues? 8WhatCanIDoAboutOnlineCommunications? 11WhatCanIDoAtWork? 12WhatCanIDoAtSchool? 13WhatCanIDoAboutIn-GroupBigotry? 14WhatCanIDoInPublic? 16WhatcanIDoAboutRetailRacism? 17WhatCanIDoAboutAStranger’sRemarks? 19

ACTIONSTEPSANDRESOURCES

SixStepstoSpeakingUp 21

TheSpeak Up!Pledge 23

Acknowledgments 24

Resources 25

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‘I’M NOT WEIRD’CodyDowns,30,hasDownsyndrome.Hecannotreadorwrite,buthelivesonhisown,enjoysmusicandworkedasadiscjockeyformanyyears.

Codyandhismother,KayParks,wereinthecheckoutlineatthegrocerystore.AwomaninlinebehindthemstaredatCodywithadisgustedlookonherface.

Codyturnedtohismotherandasked,“Whyisthatwomanlookingweirdatme?”

Kaylookedatthewoman,thenlookedbacktoCody.

StymiedforananswerandwantingtoprovideCodyinformationhewouldunderstand,Kaysaidtoherson,“Well,Cody,Iguessshe’slookingatyouthatwaybecauseshethinksyou’reweird.”

Codyconsideredthatforamoment.

Thenheturnedtothewomanbehindhimandsaid,“I’mnotweird.I’mareallyniceguy.”

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RESPONDING TO EVERYDAY BIGOTRYYourbrotherroutinelymakesanti-Semiticcomments.YourneighborusestheN-wordincasualconversation.Yourco-workerribsyouaboutyourItaliansurname,askingifyou’reinthemafia.Yourclassmateinsultssomethingbysaying,“That’ssogay.”

Andyoustandthere,insilence,thinking,“WhatcanIsayinresponsetothat?”Oryoulaughalong,uncomfortably.Or,frustratedorangry,youwalkawaywithoutsayinganything,thinkinglater,“Ishouldhavesaidsomething.”

Noagencyororganizationcountsortracksthesemoments.Theydon’tqualifyashatecrimes,andtheyrarelymakenews.That’spartoftheirinsidiousnature;theyhappensooftenwesimplyacceptthemaspartoflife.Leftunchecked,likelitterorweeds,theyblightthelandscape.

InthisabridgedversionofTeachingTolerance’saward-winningguidebook,wepresent10scenariosdesignedtohelpyouplanhowtorespondinthesesituations.Whilenonemaybetheexactsituationyouencounter—whetherathome,atwork,atschool,orinpublic—eachincludestipsonhowtoframearesponseinasimilarsituation.

Onceyou’repreparedtospeakup—whenyouhaveaplanandhavepledgedtoyourselfthatyouwill speakup—youbecomeoneofthevoicesseekingtoreplacebigotrywithtoleranceandunderstanding.Together,thatishowwecanchangetheworld.


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‘I HAD A FLIGHT RESPONSE’LeannJohnson,amultiethnicmotheroftwo,madeaKwanzaapresentationatapublicholidaygathering.Afterward,whileJohnsonwastakingdownthedisplay,awhitewomancameupandsaid,“WhenIfirstsawyou,Ididn’tknowyouwereblack.You’resosmartandpretty.”

“Ihadaflightresponse,”Johnsonsaid.“Ithought,‘Somethingbadhashappened;justleave.’”

SoJohnsonsteppedaway.

Then,shesaid,“Somethingboiledupfromdeepinside,yearsofstuff,ofhearingthosekindsofremarks.PlusIhavetwosmallchildren,twolittlegirls,mybabies,andIhavearesponsibilitytothem.”

SoJohnsonturned,wentbacktothewomanandsaid,“Idon’tknowifyouknowhowthatsounded,butthewayitsoundedtomeisthatyouthinkblackpeoplecannotbesmartorpretty.”

Thewomanstammered,startedtorationalizehercomment,thenstopped.Tearswelledinhereyesasshesaid,“Thankyousomuch.Ihavereallylearnedsomethingtoday.Ihadnoideahowthatcameout,andwhatyousaymakesmeunderstanditbetter.”

Johnsonsaidsuchmomentsarerare,butvital.

“Itissoimportanttohaveatleastonewinonceinawhile,onethankyou.Itmakesitthatmucheasiertostepoutnexttime,totakeariskandsaysomething.”

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Speak up!callsoneveryonetotakeastandagainsteverydaybigotry.

A NOTE TO THE READERInthemakingofthisbook,theSouthernPovertyLawCentergatheredhundredsofstoriesofeverydaybigotryfrompeopleacrosstheUnitedStates.Theytoldtheirstoriesthroughe-mail,personalinterviews,andatroundtablediscussionsinfourcities:Baltimore,Maryland;Columbia,SouthCarolina;Phoenix,Arizona;andVancouver,Washington.

Duetopersonalpreferenceandprivacyconcerns,wepresentthemanonymously.Racial,ethnic,andotherdescriptorsarethoseusedbythepeopletellingtheirownstories.


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WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT FAMILY?

‘IT WAS LIKE A GAME TO HIM’ µAyoungArizonawomansaysherfatheranduncleknowhowmuchsheopposesracistorhomophobic“jokes.”“I’vetoldthemthatallthetime,andtheyjustkeeptelling‘jokes’tomakememad,topushmybuttonsandgetareaction.TheyknowIhateit.ItusedtomakemesoangryI’dcryandleavethehouse.NowIjusttrynottoreact.”

µAMarylandmansharesasimilarstory:“Mycousinusedtocomevisitmewheneverhewasdoingbusinessintown.OnetimehewasoverandusedtheN-word,andIsaid,‘Idon’tusethatword,’buthestilluseditafewmoretimes.Ifinallysaid,‘Don’tusethatword.Ifyou’regoingtousethatword,I’mgoingtoaskyoutofindsomewhereelsetostay.’Itwaslikeagametohim,tousethewordtoseehowI’dreact.”

SPEAKING UP Sometimespeoplecanbepersistentlymanipulativewhenitcomestobigotedbehavior,continuing“jokes”andcommentssimplytosparkareactionfromothers.Trythefollowing:


Describe what is happening.Definetheoffense,anddescribethepatternofbehavior.“EverytimeIcomeover,youtell‘jokes’Ifindoffensive.Whilesomepeoplemightlaughalongwithyou,Idon’t.I’veaskedyounottotellthem,butyoukeepdoingitanyway.”

Describe how you are feeling.“Iloveyousomuch,andIknowyouloveme,too.Iwonderwhyyouchoosetokeephurtingmewithyourcommentsand‘jokes.’”

Appeal to family ties.“Your‘jokes’areputtingunnecessarydistancebetweenus;Iworrythey’llendupdoingirreparableharm.Iwanttomakesurethose‘jokes’don’tdamageourrelationship.”

State values, set limits.“Youknowthatrespectandtoleranceareimportantvaluesinmylife,and,whileIunderstandthatyouhavearighttosaywhatyouwant,I’maskingyoutoshowalittlemorerespectformebynottellingthese‘jokes’whenI’maround.”

Ask for a response.“Idon’twantthisrifttogetworse,andIwantustohaveagoodrelationship.Whatshouldwedo?”

Broaden the discussion.Considerincludingsympatheticfamilymembers—andnot-so-sympatheticfamilymembers—inthediscussionsoeveryonecanworktohelpthefamilyfindcommonground.

Put it in writing.Ifspokenwordsandactionsdon’thaveaneffect,considerwritinganote,letterore-mail.Often,people“hear”thingsmoreclearlythatway.Avoidanaccusatorytoneinanywrittencommunication,andavoidname-calling.focusinsteadontheneedtohealandimprovefamilyrelationships.

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IMPRESSIONABLE CHILDREN?

‘HOW WOULD HE FEEL?’ µAtdinner,awoman’syoungsontellsaracist“joke”heheardontheplaygroundearlierthatday.“Iimmediatelydiscussedwithhimhowinappropriateitwas.Iaskedhimtoputhimselfintheplaceofthepersoninthe‘joke.’Howwouldhefeel?Idiscussedwithhimthefeelingofempathy.”

µANewJerseywomanwrites:“MyyoungdaughterwrappedatowelaroundherheadandsaidshewantedtobeaterroristforHalloween—‘likethatmandownthestreet.’”ThemanisaSikhwhowearsaturbanforreligiousreasons.Thewomanasks,“WhatdoItellmydaughter?”

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SPEAKING UP Childrensoakupstereotypesandbigotryfrommedia,fromfamilymembers,atschool,andontheplayground.Asaparentconcernedaboutyourchild’sculturalsensitivities,considerthefollowing:

Focus on empathy. Whenachildsaysordoessomethingthatreflectsbiasesorembracesstereotypes,pointitout:“Whatmakesthat‘joke’funny?”Guidetheconversationtowardempathyandrespect:“Howdoyouthinkourneighborwouldfeelifheheardyoucallhimaterrorist?”

Expand horizons.Lookcriticallyathowyourchilddefines“normal.”Helptoexpandthedefinition:“OurneighborisaSikh,notaterrorist.Let’slearnabouthisreligion.”Createopportunitiesforchildrentospendtimewithandlearnaboutpeoplewhoaredifferentfromthemselves.

Prepare for the predictable.Everyyear,Halloweenbecomesamagnetforstereotypes.Childrenandadultsdressas“psychos”or“bums,”perpetuatingbiasedrepresentationsofpeoplewithmentalillnessorpeoplewhoarehomeless.Otherswearmaskssteepedinstereotypicalfeaturesormisrepresentations.Seekcostumesthatdon’tembracestereotypes.Havefunontheholidaywithoutturningitintoanexerciseinbigotryandbias.

Be a role model.Ifparentstreatpeopleunfairlybasedondifferences,childrenlikelywillrepeatwhattheysee.Beconsciousofyourowndealingswithothers.

WHAT CAN I DO AMONG FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES?

‘WHAT DO CHINESE PEOPLE THINK?’µAChineseAmericanwomanoftenfindsherselfaskedbyfriends,“WhatdoChinesepeoplethinkaboutthat?”

µAwhitemanplanstomarryanEastAsianAmericanwoman;hisfriendsmakeincorrectassumptionsaboutherrace,religion,andfamilybackground.“Thequestionweneverstopgettingis,‘DoCarrie’sparentsmind?’Whenwequestionthequestion,wearetoldthat‘Indianfamilies’liketheirdaughterstomarrytheir‘ownkind.’Howcanwerespond?”


SPEAKING UP Friendsareourcomfortzones,whereweletdownourguardsandcansimplybeourselves.Casualconversationisthemainstayoftheserelationships.Butwhenbiasisinterjectedintoeverydaymomentswithfriends,relationshipscanfeelmarkedlyuncomfortable.Howthencanyoureconnect?

Approach friends as allies.Whenafriendmakesahurtfulcommentorposesanoffensivequestion,it’seasytoshutdown,putupwalls,ordisengage.Rememberthatyou’refriendswiththispersonforareason;somethingspecialbroughtyoutogether.Drawingonthatbond,explainhowthecommentoffendedyou.

Respond with silence.Whenafriendposesaquestionthatfeelshurtful,letprotractedsilencedotheworkforyou.Saynothingandwaitforthespeakertorespondwithanopen-endedquestion:“What’sup?”Thendescribethecommentfromyourpointofview.

Talk about differences.Whenwehavefriendshipsacrossculturegroups,it’snaturaltofocusonwhatwehaveincommon,ratherthanourdifferences.Yetourdifferencesmatter.Strivetoopenuptheconversation:“We’vebeenfriendsforyears,andIvalueourfriendshipverymuch.Onethingwe’veneverreallytalkedaboutismyexperienceswithracism.I’dliketodothatnow.”

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WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT ONLINE COMMUNICATION?

‘REPLY ALL’ TO BIGOTRY Manyofusreceiveunwanted“joke”e-mailsorsocialmediapostsforwardedbyfriendsorcolleagues.

Lesbiansandgaymen,transgenderpeople,Muslims,Catholics,Jews,peoplewithdisabilities,Republicans,Democrats,Independents,peopleofallracesandethnicities,blondes,redheads,andpeoplewhoareoverweightorunderweight:Thetargetsofsuch“joke”e-mailsareinnumerable.

“It’shorrible,”writesoneman,whosayshehaschangedhise-mailaddressatleastonceandnotgiventhenewaddresstothosefriendswhofrequentlyforwardsuche-mails.

SPEAKING UPPeopleoftenforwarde-mailsandpostonsocialmediaplatformswithoutcriticalthoughtaboutitscontentorthepeoplereceivingit.AndtheInternetprovidesabroadreach—withaclickofabutton,ane-mailorpostcanbesenttohundredsofpeople.Onlinebigotrycancomefrompeopleyouknow,orpeopleyoudon’t.Howcanyourespond?Trythis:

Forward no more.Stoponlinebigotryatyourcomputer.Don’tforwardit;instead,deleteit.Asimpledeletionisn’tthesameasspeakingup,ofcourse—itdoesnothingtobringattentiontotheoffense—butit’sasolidfirststepinbreakingthechain.

Reply to sender.Explainthatthecommunicationoffendedyouandasktoberemovedfromanysimilarpostore-mailinthefuture.Besuretoexplainwhy—thatyoufindbigotedlanguageoffensive,thatso-called“jokes”arenotfunnyandthatstereotypesareunfair,bigoted,andharmful.

Reply to all.Dothesamething,buthit“replyall,”sharingyourthoughtswitheveryoneonthelist.Othersmaythenfollowyourexample.Imaginethepowerfulstatementthatwouldbemadeifallrecipientsrespondedinthisway.Ifyouchoosethisoption,however,beawarethatyoumaygetnegativereplies.Youdon’thavetorespondtothereplies,butifyoudo,useathoughtful,constructivetone,seekingunderstandingnotcombativeargument.

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WHAT CAN I DO AT WORK?

‘OFF THEIR MEDS’ µAmanagerwrites:“Oneofmyemployeesconstantlymakes‘jokes’aboutpeoplebeing‘bipolar’or‘goingpostal’orbeing‘offtheirmeds.’Ihappentoknowthatoneofourotheremployees—withinearshotofthesecomments—isonmedicationfordepression.HowcanIstopthebadbehaviorwithoutrevealingproprietaryinformation?”

µ“Intheteacher’slounge,afellowteachermadeajoketotheotherstaffaboutthebandstudents,referringtothemas‘bandfags.’Asanewteacher,Ididn’tknowwhattosay.”

µAnAfrican-Americanwoman,inastaffmeetingaboutbudgetissues,hearsawhiteco-workersuggestcost-cuttingmeasuresforlandscaping:“Whydon’twejustgettheMexicanstodoit?”


µAnItalianAmericanwoman’sco-workermakesdailycommentsaboutherheritage.“Areyouinthemafia?”“AreyourelatedtotheGodfather?”Thereareonlysixcolleaguesintheoffice,andtheItalianAmericanwomandoesn’tknowhow—orif—torespond.

SPEAKING UPCorevaluestatementsandotherpoliciessittingondustyshelvesdon’testablishanoffice’sculture;casualinteractionsdo.Whetheryou’reastaffer,amanager,oranexecutive,there’saroleforyoutoplayinsettingarespectfulandunbiasedtoneintheoffice.Considertheseactions:

Interrupt early. Workplaceculturelargelyisdeterminedbywhatisorisn’tallowedtooccur.Ifpeoplearelaxinrespondingtobigotry,thenbigotryprevails.Speakupearlyandofteninordertobuildamoreinclusiveenvironment.

Use — or establish — policies.Calluponexisting—toooftenforgottenorignored—policiestoaddressbigotedlanguageorbehavior.Workwithyourpersonneldirectororhumanresourcesdepartmenttocreatenewpoliciesandprocedures,asneeded.Alsoaskyourcompanytoprovideanti-biastraining.

Go up the ladder.Ifbehaviorpersists,takeyourcomplaintsupthemanagementladder.Findalliesinuppermanagement,andcallonthemtohelpcreateandmaintainanofficeenvironmentfreeofbiasandbigotry.

Join together.Like-mindedcolleaguesalsomayformanallianceandthenaskthecolleagueorsupervisortochangehisorhertoneorbehavior.

WHAT CAN I DO AT SCHOOL?

‘THAT IS SO GAY’µIt’sacasualinsultheardinschoolseverywhere:“That’ssogay!”

Oneteachersayswhenevershehearssuchlanguageintheclassroom,sheasks,“Whatwashomosexualaboutit?”Thensheusesthemomenttodiscusstheuseofslangandderogatoryslurs,includingracistandsexistlanguage.

SPEAKING UPTeachersandstudentsacrossthecountryreporthearingbiasedlanguageeveryday:“That’ssolame.”“Howretarded.”“That’ssoghetto.”“She’spsycho.”“He’sbipolar.”Herearesomeideastohelpstemthetide:

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Determine the extent of the problem.Asasocialscienceorclubactivity,surveystudentsaboutbiasedlanguageatschool:whattheyhearmostoften,whotheyhearitfrom,howitmakesthemfeel,andwhatthey’rewillingtodoaboutit.

Implement a “Words Hurt” campaign.Getstudents,teachers,counselors,andadministratorstosponsoranassembly,oraweek-longoryear-longeducationcampaign,aboutthedamagingeffectofhurtfulwords.

Support student mediators — and use peer pressure.Trainstudentsinconflictresolutiontechniques,andaskthemtoworkwithpeerstomarginalizetheuseofbiasedlanguage.

Teach tolerance.Whenslursareexchangedintheclassroomorteachers’lounge,interruptwhateverisbeingdiscussedandstartanewconversationonlanguage,respect,andculturalsensitivity.

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IN-GROUP BIGOTRY?

‘YOU’RE SO WHITE’µFroma20-year-oldAfrican-AmericancollegestudentinSouthCarolina:“I’vebeencalledan‘Oreo’allmylife:‘Oh,you’reblackontheoutside,butyou’rewhiteontheinside.’Or,‘You’resowhite.’”

µSomeNativeAmericanssharestoriesofbeingaccusedofbeing“toonative”bytheirpeers,asdosomeLatinoswhosayotherLatinoshaveaccusedthemofbeing“tooethnic.”Similarly,manygaymenandlesbiansspeakaboutbeingperceivedas“toofeminine”or“toogay”byothergaysandlesbians.

SPEAKING UPWeoftenturntopeoplewithinour“groups”togetabreakfromthedailyindignitiespresentedbyracism,homophobia,orethnocentrism.Whenbigotrycomesfromthosewhobelongtoourownidentitygroups,itcanbeespeciallypainfulandconfusing.Trytheseresponses:

Affirm your pride.“I’mproudtobeAfricanAmerican,alwayshavebeen,alwayswillbe.”

Respond with questions.Challengein-groupstereotypesthesamewayyouwouldcross-groupstereotypes:“Whatdoesthatmean—‘too’ethnic?Idon’tunderstandwhatyoumean.”

Get to the root of it.Manyin-groupslightsareactuallyextensionsofracistandsexiststereotypes.Pointoutthataccusationsofbeing“toofeminine”


or“toogay”supportandpromotemisogynyandhomophobia.Anythingthathurtsormarginalizesonememberofagrouphurtsormarginalizesallmembersofthatgroup.

WHAT CAN I DO IN PUBLIC?

‘I JUST STOOD NEXT TO HIM’µInWashingtonstate,awhitewomanisinadoctor’swaitingroomwhenshenoticesaMuslimwomanwearingahijabbeingignoredbythereceptionistatthefrontcounter.Thewomanstandsupandjoinsthewomanatthecounter:“Ijuststoodnexttoherandwouldn’tleaveuntilthereceptionistfinallyhelpedher.”

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µAnAsian-Americanmaninthegrocerystorenoticesacashiertreatinganon-English-speakingwomanbadly.Aftercheckingtoseeifthewomanwantshelp,themanconfrontsthemanager:“Thispersonspendsmoneyinyourstore,andyourstorehasaresponsibilitytorespectallpeoplelivinginthiscommunity.”

µAColoradowomanusesawheelchair.Sheisboardingaplanewithherhusbandwhentheflightattendantsays,tothehusband,“Willsheneedhelpbeingseated?”Thehusbandtoldtheflightattendanttoaskhiswife.

SPEAKING UPIt’salltoocommon:frontlineemployeeswhoareill-trainedtodealwithdiverseclientele.Mostofusdon’trelishthethoughtofcausingascene,butinterruptingbiasedcustomerservicecansendaclearmessagetotheemployees—andtoothercustomers.Whenbiasaffectscustomerservice,considerthefollowing:

Speak for yourself.Ifyou’rethetargetofrudecustomerservice,letthepersonknow:“IdeservetobetreatedwithrespectinanestablishmentwhereIspendmoney.””


Make eye contact. Lookatotherpeoplewitnessingthisexchange.Usebodylanguagetoappealfortheirassistanceandsupport.

Step up. Don’tallowsomeonetobemistreatedwhenyouhavethepowertohelp.Don’tsticksolelyto“your”issues.Speakupagainstbigotrywhereverithappens,whoeverisinvolved.

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT RETAIL RACISM?

‘I THOUGHT THOSE DECADES WERE GONE’µAn18-year-oldHispanicwomangoestoaFloridacraftstoretospendherbirthdaymoney.Amanagerfollowsherandasksrepeatedlywhatsheislookingfor.Othercustomers,allwhite,arebrowsingwithoutbeingaskedsuchquestions.Whensheprotests,sheisaskedtoleave.“Ithoughtthosedecadesweregone,whentheycouldthrowyououtofastorejustbecauseyou’reHispanic.”

µAwomaninIndiananoticesstoreclerksshadowingtwoteenshoppers,takingitemsoutoftheshoppers’handsandreplacingthemontheracks,thenstandingbythedressingroomdoorwhenoneoftheyoungmentriesonagarment.

µAMiddleEasternAmericanmanisshoppinginamajordepartmentstoreinIowa.Ayoungsalesclerkfollowshimcloselybutdoesn’tspeaktohim.Whenhemoves,shemoves;whenhestandsstill,shestandsstill.Themanconsidersconfrontingherbutnoticesherreturningtospeaktohermanager,anolderwhiteman.

SPEAKING UPWhenyoushop,youmaygetsomethingbesidestheitemsyouwerelookingfor:retailracism,intheformofracialorethnicprofiling;teensandotheryoungpeoplealsooftenaretargeted.Whenstoresecurityorotherpersonnelshadowyoureverymove,orwhenyouseethemtailinganothercustomer,interruptthebehavior.Trythis:

Find the source.Theclerkmaysimplybefollowingstorepolicy.Askwhytheclerkorsecurityofficerisfollowingyou(orsomeoneelse).Asktoseethewrittenpoliciesondiscrimination.Shareyourexperienceandobservationswithcompanyofficials.

Stage a personal public protest.Gotothecustomerservicedeskorcheck-outcounter.Cancelyourstorepurchaseonthespot,andsaywhyyou’redoing

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so—loudenoughforotherstohear.Askforthemanagerandtellthatpersonthestorehaslostyourbusiness.

Tell others.Letfriendsandfamilyknowwhatyouobservedorexperienced.Encouragethemtorefrainfromshoppingatastorethatpracticesracialprofilingortocontactthestoretoaskaboutsuchpoliciesandpractices.

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT A STRANGER’S REMARKS?

‘I WAS SHOCKED’µAwhitewomanisapartment-huntingwithhermother.Theyareinarestaurant,makingfriendlyconversationwithpeopleatanothertable.Hermotheraskswhichneighborhoodsaregoodforstudents.Themanatthe


othertablesays,“Prettymuchalloftheneighborhoodsintownarefine;wetrytokeeptheniggersandMexicansoutofthecitylimits.”

Shesays,“Iwasshockedanddidn’tknowwhattodo.Howdoyouconfrontastrangerinarestaurant?Ordoyou?I’llneverforgettheshockandangerIfeltatthatmoment.”

µAgaymaninOregonwritesaboutwalkingdownastreetthedayafteralocalGayPrideevent.Onthesidewalk,hepassesamanwhotellsafemalecompanion,loudly,“Therewerefagsallovertheplace.Ifeltlikekillingthem.”

µAlesbianwhoatthetimewasdatingatransgenderwomansharesasimilarstoryofbeingcalled“dykes”bysomeonefromacrossthestreet.Agaymantellsofroutinelybeingcalled“faggot”whilewalkingdowncitystreets.

SPEAKING UP Whenpeoplewedon’tknowdishoutbigotry,itcanleaveusatalossforwords—andchallengeoursenseofsafety.Trytakingthesesteps:

Consider your safety.Aheatedexchangewithastrangercanescalateintophysicalviolence;assessthesituationbeforeyourespond.Isthespeakerwithagroupofpeople?Isthespacedeserted?Areyoualone?Arechildrenpresent?Alwaysconsideryoursafetyandthesafetyofothersbeforeresponding.

Say nothing.Aquestioningglancemaybeaneffectiveandnon-confrontationalresponseinasituationinwhichyoufeelunsafespeakingdirectly.

Say something.Ifyouchoosetoraisetheissue,stateyourbeliefsclearly:“Ifindthatlanguageverybigoted.Itoffendsme.”Or,“Ithinkit’swrongtostereotypepeople.”

Speak to the proprietor.Iftheincidenthappensinabusiness,leave.Butbeforeyouwalkout,letthemanagersknowwhyyou’releaving:“ThemanatthetablenexttominekeptusingtheN-word.Itmademelosemyappetite.Perhapsyoushouldspeaktohimsoyoudon’tlosemorebusiness.”

Report the incident to an advocacy group.Localadvocacygroups,likegayandlesbiancentersandlocalculturalcenters,oftenkeepcheckonthepulseofacommunity.Callthem;letthemknowwhatyouheard,when,andwhere.Theymayseepatternsyoudon’tandcanworkwithlocalgovernmenttoaddressongoingconcerns.

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SIX STEPS TO SPEAKING UP AGAINST EVERYDAY BIGOTRYWhateversituationyou’rein,rememberthesesixstepstohelpyouspeakupagainsteverydaybigotry.Inanysituation,however,assessyoursafety,bothphysicalandemotional.Thereisarisk,andthatmustbeacknowledgedasyoumakeyourownchoicetospeakup.

BE READYYouknowanothermomentlikethiswillhappen,soprepareyourselfforit.Thinkofyourselfastheonewhowillspeakup.Promiseyourselfnottoremainsilent.

“Summonyourcourage,whateverittakestogetthatcourage,whereverthatsourceofcourageisforyou,”saidDr.MarshaHouston,formerchairoftheCommunicationStudiesDepartmentattheUniversityofAlabama.

Tobolsterthatcourage,havesomethingtosayinmindbeforeanincidenthappens.Open-endedquestionsoftenareagoodresponse.“Whydoyousaythat?”“Howdidyoudevelopthatbelief?”

IDENTIFY THE BEHAVIORSometimes,pointingoutthebehaviorcandidlyhelpssomeonehearwhatthey’rereallysaying:“Janice,whatIhearyousayingisthatallMuslimsareterrorists”(orwhatevertheslurhappenstobe).Or,“Janice,you’reclassifyinganentirereligiousgroupinaderogatoryway.IsthatwhatIhearyousaying?”

Whenidentifyingbehavior,however,avoidlabeling,name-calling,ortheuseofloadedterms.Describethebehavior;don’tlabeltheperson.

“Ifyourgoalistocommunicate,loadedtermsgetyounowhere,”saidDr.K.E.Supriya,anexpertintheroleofgenderandculturalidentityincommunication.

“Ifyousimplycallsomeonearacist,awallgoesup.”

APPEAL TO PRINCIPLESIfthespeakerissomeoneyouhavearelationshipwith—asister,friend,orco-worker,forexample—callontheirhigherprinciples:“Bob,I’vealwaysthoughtofyouasafair-mindedperson,soitshocksmewhenIhearyousaysomethingthatsoundssobigoted.”


“Appealtotheirbetterinstincts,”Houstonsaid.“Rememberthatpeoplearecomplex.Whattheysayinonemomentisnotnecessarilyanindicationofeverythingtheythink.”

SET L IMITSYoucannotcontrolanotherperson,butyoucansay,“Don’ttellracistjokesinmypresenceanymore.Ifyoudo,Iwillleave.”Or,“MyworkspaceisnotaplaceIallowbigotedremarkstobemade.Ican’tcontrolwhatyousayoutsideofthisspace,buthereIaskthatyourespectmywishes.”Thenfollowthrough.

“Thepointistodrawaline,tosay,‘Idon’twantyoutousethatlanguagewhenI’maround,’”BobCarolla,spokesmanfortheNationalAlliancefortheMentallyIll.“Evenifattitudesdon’tchange,byshuttingoffbadbehavior,youarelimitingitscontagion.Fewerpeoplehearitorexperienceit.”

F IND AN ALLY/BE AN ALLYWhenfrustratedinyourowncampaignagainsteverydaybigotry,seekoutlike-mindedpeopleandaskthemtosupportyouinwhateverwaystheycan.

Anddon’tforgettoreturnthefavor:Ifyouaren’tthefirstvoicetospeakupagainsteverydaybigotry,bethenextvoice.

“Alwaysspeakup,andneverbesilencedoutoffear,”saidShaneWindmeyer,founderandcoordinatorofCampusPrideNetandtheLambda10Project.“Tobeanally,wemustleadbyexampleandinspireotherstodothesame.”

BE VIGILANTRemember:Changehappensslowly.Peoplemakesmallsteps,typically,notlargeones.Stayprepared,andkeepspeakingup.Don’trisksilence.

“There’sasenseofpersonaldisappointmentinhavingnotsaidsomethingwhenyoufeltyoushouldhave,”saidRonSchlittler,programcoordinatorattheAmericanPsychologicalAssociation;LGBTConcernOffice.

Carollaputitthisway:“Ifyoudon’tspeakup,you’resurrenderingpartofyourself.You’relettingbigotrywin.”

with that in mind, consider taking the speak up! pledge …

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THE SPEAK UP! PLEDGECommittorespondtoeverydaybiasandbigotry.Signthispledgeandplaceitinyourwallet,bookbag,deskdrawer,orpostitonyourwall.Sharepledgecardswithfriendsandfamily,classmates,co-workers,andothers,makingasmanyphotocopiesasyouneed.Postthepledgeinpublicplaces,encouragingotherstojoin.

Becausewhatwesaymatters.

I PLEDGE TO SPEAK UP!Inpledgingtorespondtoeverydaybigotry,Iwill:

µSpeakupwhenIhearorseebigotry;µQuestionandidentifybiaswhenIseeit;µBemindfulofmyownbehaviors;µPromoteandappealtohigherprinciples;µSetlimitsonwhatissaidordonearoundme;µSeekhelpandhelpotherstoworkagainstbigotry;andµRemainvigilantandpersistent.

Name

Date

Signature

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“Theremaybetimeswhenwearepowerlesstopreventinjustice,buttheremustneverbeatimewhenwefailtoprotest.”

—elie wiesel

Specialthankstothefollowingorganizationsandindividuals:

in baltimore, maryland AlexO.Boulton,JaneBrown,LawrenceEgbert,NancyGeyer,FrancisW.Green,StephenGreen,StanMarkowitz,JohnMorris,JacquelineRobarge,RichardA.Rowe,CharlotteWalters,andthemembersofInterfaithActionforRacialJustice

in columbia, south carolina MarionAldridge,BonitaD.Clemons,TodEwing,PerryW.James,TeresaHolland,ChristinaMcCormick,LindaMcLeod,BettieN.Toney,andthestaffandsupportersofThePalmettoProject

in phoenix, arizona Dr.N.BurtonAttico,RoryGilbert,AnnieGoldsand,LarryRobinson,JessieLeahKoppellRubenstein,R.J.Shannon,RonR.Williams,andtheNationalConferenceforCommunityandJustice,ArizonaRegion

in vancouver, washington JudiBailey,SidneyClark,LouiseDebreczeny,EarlW.Ford,GinaHoggan,LeannJohnson,DebbieNelson,KayParks,ValerieThompson,andtheCityofVancouver’sDiversityProject

experts and advocacy groups KiranAhuja(NationalAsianPacificAmericanWomen’sForum),BobCarolla(NationalAlliancefortheMentallyIll),T.C.Duong(SoutheastAsianAmericanAdvocacyInitiative),Dr.MarshaHouston(UniversityofAlabama),AngelaOh(civilrightsattorney,speaker,author),RonSchlittler(AmericanPsychologicalAssociation),Dr.K.E.Supriya,andShaneWindmeyer(CampusPrideNetandLambda10Project)

Andthehundredsofpeoplewhosharedtheirstorieswithusbye-mail,letters,phonecalls,andpersonalinterviews.

©2014SouthernPovertyLawCenter.FifthPrintingofAbridgedEdition.ThispublicationwasproducedbyTeachingTolerance,aprojectoftheSouthernPovertyLawCenter.

photo credits JGI/JamieGrill/Blend(cover);DreamPictures/Blend(page15);JedShare/KaoruShare/BlendviaGettyImages(page9);Cultura/Masterfile(page10);SamDephius/Blend(page18,insidebackcover);HillStreetStudios/Blend(backcover);allotherphotos,IbidPhotos

southern poverty law center board of directorsAlanB.Howard,ChairHenryL.Solano,ViceChairBryanFairMarshaLevickWilliamLittleJamesMcElroyLidaOrzeckEldenRosenthalJamesRuckerEllenSudowJulianBond,emeritusPatriciaClark,emeritusJosephJ.Levin,Jr.,emeritus

written by BrianWilloughby project manager WendyViaeditor LeciaBrooksdesign director RussellEstesdesigner SunnyPaulk


RESOURCESTeachingToleranceoffersavarietyofonlineresourcesaimedatidentifyingandeliminatingracist,sexist,biased,andbigotedlanguageandimageryfromourlives.Usethelinksbeloworgototolerance.orgformoreoptions.

Beyond the Golden Rule: A Parent’s Guide to Preventing & Responding to Prejudicetolerance.org/parentingThisbookisdesignedtohelpyouteachyourchildrentohonorthedifferencesinthemselvesandinothers—andtorejectprejudiceandintolerance.

Responding to Hate and Biastolerance.org/hate-and-biasThisguidehelpseducatorsrespondtohaterelatedincidentsandsteersthemthroughcrisismanagementandpost-crisiseffortsatimprovement.

Speak Up at Schooltolerance.org/speak-up-at-schoolThisguidepresentstoolstohelpstudentsandeducatorsrespondtobiasedremarksfrompeers,parentsorevenadministrators.

26 speak up!

400 Washington Avenue, Montgomery, AL 36104 www.splcenter.org

speak up! - university of massachusetts amherst · responding to everyday bigotry i version speak...

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