SILENCE IS THE LAMBAdult Survivors of Childhood

Sexual Abuse and Incest

I’ve been hiding and afraid for a long timeTrying to keep dark secrets that torture my mindMy voice was silenced, my mouth could not speakI had dark secrets I promised myself to keep

I couldn’t risk taking the blame

I couldn’t risk exposing the shame

So I just accepted and played a deadly game

Of make-believe and masquerade

A lost shadow hidden by cold shade

One in Four Girls

Most Survivors Live in Silence

There’s no reason for everyone to feel sad …so with my mouth shut wide I hid all of those secrets deep down inside

The Silent Toll

Healing

Training Support System

“I don’t know what to do for you” – survivor becomes the teacher

I can’t stand to see you hurt – survivor becomes the caregiver

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a

sound?

ABSOLUTELY

NOT

Silent Words Suggest or imply

blame

Minimize survivor’s pain or the experience

Direct survivor away from the pain or experience

But within I feel victimized once more

The demand for secrecy hurts me to the core

The Pain is in the Silence

They can’t see my stomach in a knotMy body remembers what my mind forgot

Seizures, arthritis, fibroids and fainting spellsMy body speaks what my mouth can’t tell

Running long miles and lifting heavy weightMy body also tries to compensate

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Survivors are silent about the pain they experienced, the shame they felt, the control that was taken away from them, and the boundaries that were crossed.

Surviving the Silence• Survivors may engage in behaviors that

protect them against the pain of their silence. Consciously or unconsciously, they may use certain behaviors:– To Punish Themselves – To Feel Alive– To Compensate– To Hide– To Cry Out

Silence is not a Quiet Space

I never forgot and I never forgaveI just kept waiting to be saved

Waiting for someone to truly understandWaiting for someone to choose me over a manWaiting for someone to help me speakWaiting for someone to notice I was weakWaiting for someone to catch me when I fallWaiting for someone to help me stand tallWaiting for someone to notice the child is still aliveWaiting for someone to help her survive

Even as I age and my beauty starts to fadeI still found myself waiting to be savedBut I remained a damsel in distressMy abuse would forever go unaddressed

Silence Doesn’t Last ForeverTill a volcano erupted and I got caught in the fireThat made me realize that silence is nothing to admireThe singe of the fire forced me to screamLoud enough to wake from this very bad dream

Disclosure will help my soul to restoreEveryday I love myself more and moreThe night is over, I can see dayI walk and talk in truth’s wayToday anger fuels my recoveryBut that’s all just part of my discoveryOf the wounded child who is finally set freeWho just learned to speak and she can finally see

Help A Survivor

Break Her or His

Silence

Create Safe Space DOS DON’TS

Invite person to talk about abuse

Express empathy about the survivor’s experience

Ask details about how the survivor feels and what she needs

Take action to find out information about adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse

Demand the person to talk about the abuse

Overshadow survivor’s feelings with your own feelings about the abuse

Ask details about the abuse

Make the survivor responsible for teaching you about childhood sexual abuse.

Words of Safety

I’m sorry that happened to you

I will be here for you and hear what ever you need to say, even if it’s nothing.

Thank you for trusting me to tell me that. I imagine talking about it is difficult

You are amazing for surviving

I can’t imagine how bad that felt, but I do know how much I love you

Caboose

You are only the caboose

Freight trains carry heavy loads

So they tend to move along slowly

The Survivor must direct their own course of recovery

Frequent Stops

Allow Survivor to Explore and Express

FEARSHAME

GUILT

ANGER

Recovery

IS NOT A DESTINATION

Recovery

IS

A

JOURNEY

IS

A

JOURNEY

PRESENTATION BY ROSENNA BAKARI,

PH.D.Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse and

Incest