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Post on 02-May-2019
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Reasons for sibling rivalry
Ways to reduce fighting among siblings
Did you quarrel a lot with your brothers and/or sisters?
What angered you or made you jealous of your siblings?
How did your parents handle your sibling battles?
Conflict at home
Not having tools to handle conflict
Competing for the same resources
What can you do?
Acknowledge the feelings instead of dismissing them
Give children in fantasy what they dont have in reality: you wish hed check with you before he starts playing his drums
Stop hurtful behavior but at the same time, show angry feelings can be channeled safely. Refrain from attacking the attacker
Give in fantasy what they dont have in reality
Perils of comparisons
What happens when you compare?
Avoid both favorable and unfavorable comparisons because:
Favorable comparison makes the good child swell with pride or puts pressure on him/her
Unfavorable comparison makes the bad child feel less confident, hate the other child, or makes the child more competetive
Avoid even favorable comparisons
Treat uniquely, not equally
Instead of worrying about giving equal amounts, focus on each childs individual needs
Instead of claiming equal love, show children how theyre loved uniquely
Equal time can feel like less, so give time in terms of need
Why do we assign different roles to our children? Example, A is a singer and B is a caretaker
Can increase animosity between siblings
Can lead to low self-esteem
Roles can stick for life, e.g. always the caretaker
When kids fight!
1. acknowledging childrens anger towards each other
2. listen to each childs side with respect
3. show appreciation for the difficulty of the problem
4. express faith in their ability to work out a mutually agreeable solution
5. Leave the room
When they cant work out a problem together
1. Call a meeting and explain the ground rules
2. Write down each childs concerns and feelings and read them aloud
3. Allow time for rebuttal
4. Invite everyone to come up with solutions and write down the ideas without evaluating
5. Decide upon the solutions you all can live with
Communication is the key!
All illustrations have been taken from Siblings Without Rivalry 1998 Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Picadilly Press Ltd., London