Self Regulation Strategies for Parents

April, 2015

A case of the….

Ya buts………..

What is Self Regulation?

The ability to adapt our physical and emotional energy and out thinking and social skills when

we need to. (Hoffman, 2015)

It involves: sensory processing, executive functioning, and emotional regulation

3 things to consider

• Sensory Processing: hyper sensitive and hypo sensitive

• Executive Functioning: cognition, conscious control of thoughts …attention, working memory, self talk, making choices, planning, inhibition

• Emotion Regulation: monitor, evaluate, modify

Adapted from: Zones of Regulation

Both sides of the coin…

• Up Regulation

• Down Regulation

Self regulation is about changing the energy level.

Aim is for being calm and alert.

Understanding Self Regulation The Role of the Brain

• Designed to keep our body in balance

• Our body craves homeostasis

• The brain supports adaptive functioning

• It is hardwired to protect us

Why is this important?

Flight,

Fight,

or

Freeze

A Helpful Brain Model

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD-lfP1FBFk

Self Regulation: Putting on the Brakes

• We need our brain to have the

alarm system

• Dealing with escalating emotions – Higher level cortical functions

– Self-awareness and coping stress

• Training our brain – Plasticity allows us to strengthen our brains

Neither comprehension or learning can take place in an

atmosphere of anxiety. Rose Kennedy

The Significance of Safe Space

To learn students need to feel safe. When students don’t feel safe, the fight or flight

center of the brain, the amygdala, fires and incapacitates the hippocampus, the

new-learning center of the brain. Students then become survivors vs.

learners (Nussbaum, 2012).

School Based Approaches

• Calm, Alert, and Learning (Stuart Shanker)

• Zones of Regulation (Leah M. Kuypers)

Blue, green, yellow, red

Significance of the Parenting Relationship

• Provides predictability and routine

• Supports a trusting relationship

• Models self regulation

• Enables self regulation

What does this mean at home?

• Structure and predictability

Am I allowing the brain to know what it can expect/count on?

• Choices for up and down regulation

Am I creating options to allow self regulatory attempts?

• The impact of mirror neurons

What am I contributing to the interaction?

The Marshmallow Test Revisited

….teach me HOW to calm down

don’t just TELL me to…

Understanding the Triad

MIND Thoughts/Feelings

BEHAVIOR

How we act

BRAIN/BODY

Physiology

Thoughts/Feelings

Helping your child understand emotion

• Feelings charades

• Books

• Games

• Coaching/Naming emotions

• Engage them around both positive and negative emotions

• Set them up for success

Cognitive Reframing Adapted from: D. Bilsker, M. Gilbert, D. Worling & E. J. Garland

Situation Thoughts Thinking Error

Realistic Thoughts

All or Nothing Thinking Overgeneralization Mental Filter Disqualifying the positive Jumping to conclusions Magnification/Minimization Emotional Reasoning Should statements Labeling and Mislabeling Personalization

What proof do I have? Would most people agree with this thought? If not, what would be a more realistic thought? What would I say to a friend in a similar situation?

Self Compassion

Not about judging ourselves positively, but a way of relating to

ourselves kindly, embracing ourselves lovingly flaws and all

Impact of Self Compassion on Self Regulation

• Particular impact on willpower

• Donuts and Dieters: resultant increase in ability to self regulate (Adams &Leary, 2007)

• The power of self compassion/forgiveness is demonstrated to prevent relapse :

Alcohol

Quitting smoking (more effective than the patch)

Gambling

Procrastination

Self Compassion

The thing that is really hard, ,and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.

Anna Quidlen

http://www.self-compassion.org/

• Treating yourself as you would a good friend

Sensation/Physiology

Manage distress states, relaxation, deep

breathing

The Significance of Physical Engagement

• Physical contact

• Physical activity: using physical activity to moderate energy levels

• Sensory need regulation (plasticine, playdoh, stress balls etc.)

Modifying Physiology/Sensation Habituation

• A reduction of a person’s physiological response to a repeated specific stimulus

• We can change the way we experience a stimulus/stressor/anxiety invoking event by controlled, repeated gradual exposures

• Pairing NEGATIVE stimulus with a POSITIVE stimulus to retrain the brain

Analogy: cold lake

Strategies: Take up Smoking

Just kidding!

Why this works:

Taking a break physically from place/environment which generates stress

Deep breathing

Let’s practice…

Modifying Physiology/Sensation: Mindfulness

Paying attention to the present…

Without judgement

Without expectations

Without fear

Just accept it as it is….

How students feel about it..

http://www.shared-care.ca/vid.aspx?y=kk7IBwuhXWM

Mindfulness

• A seated meditation may be easiest OR a body scan

• MARC.ucla (Mindfulness Awareness Resource Centre) meditation recordings iTunes U

Guided Mindfulness

(free audio guided meditations)

Summing it All Up

Are you ready to change the lens?

http://www.ted.com/talks/shawn_achor_the_happy_secret_to_better_work?language=en

The 21 day Challenge

Daily:

1. Write down 3 new things you were grateful for that day

2. Journal one positive experience

3. Exercise

4. Meditation

5. One random act of kindness

Resources

Websites: Parents for Children's Mental Health Anxiety BC Anxiety BC Parent Toolkit Mind Your Mind Books: Building Emotional Intelligence (Linda Lantieri) Flourish (Dr. Seligman) The Mindful Child (Susan Kaiser Greenland) Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain (Daniel Siegal) The Highly Sensitive Child: Helping Our Children Thrive When the World

Overwhelms Them (Elaine Aron)

Questions?