ENGAGING MEN AND BOYS IN PREVENTING SEXUAL

AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Rus Ervin Funk, MSW

INTERCONNECTEDNESS OF MEN’S VIOLENCE Rape/sexual assault Domestic and dating violence Sex trafficking Sexual harassment Prostitution and pornography Street harassment Stalking

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OVERVIEW

MEN’S EXPERIENCE OF VIOLENCE Men tend to have a different experience

and understanding of violence than do women

The impact of activists efforts to understand the dynamics of violence has meant broadening the definition of what is violent

WHY MEN CHOOSE TO BE VIOLENT

A lack of identification with the victim. A perception of the situation as one that

calls for violence. A decision to act violently The means of doing harm to the other

person.

MEN’ VIOLENCE AS A MEN’S ISSUE

Men commit the vast majority of sexual violence.

Men are sexually victimized by other men.

Men’s sexual violence confines men. Women see men as potential threats. Men know and love survivors. Men know and love perpetrators. Men are part of the community. Men’s sexual violence is a human

rights violation.© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved

MEN’S RELATIONSHIP TO SEXUAL ASSAULT/DOMESTIC VIOLENCE Tend to have minimal or un-known

relationship

Assume other men (and women) think of men as either victims or offenders

“other-ing”

ECOLOGICAL FRAMEWORK

Intrapersonal(Attitudes)

Relational(Behaviors)

Organizational (Practices)

Community (Norms)Socio-Cultural

(Customs, laws, beliefs)

CONTINUUM OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE

Threat/level of violence

Sexism Gender Sexual Coerced/ Stranger Gang Rape

Harassment Harassment Forced “sex” Rape Rape Murder

*Based on the work of Rus Ervin Funk, Reaching Men: Strategies for

Preventing Sexist Attitudes, Behavior and Violence (2006).

THE CONTEXT… Collective impact

How men’s violence (and the threat of men’s violence) impact all women

How all men benefit from the violence that some men perpetrate

Sexism as the core…

PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE

Prevention education

Leadership development

Bystander intervention and support

Organizational level intervention

Community organizing

Policy advocacy

A KEY POINT

Men Are not the problem

And Men are responsible for

Sexism and Violence

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

BEING MALE AND A “MAN:“the important fact of men’s lives is not

that they are biological males, but that they become men. Our sex may be male, but our identity as men is developed through a complex process of interaction with the culture in which we learn the gender scripts, and modify those scripts to make them more palatable.”

Michael Kimmel and Michael Messner, 1989

3 CORE DIMENSIONS OF MANHOOD

1. How men handle life (Active and Achievement)

independent, competitive

2. How men handle others (dominant)aggressive, powerful, boastfulI would add competitive

3. How men handle emotions (“level-headed”)

unemotional, self-controlanger as men’s only allowed/supported emotion

(Michael Cicone & Diane Ruble, 1976)

Being a “Man”

“Man Up”

What Men are Called

What’s Done to Men

ENGAGING MEN

ASSUMPTIONS OF ENGAGING MEN What do men think about domestic

violence?

What do men think about women advocates?

What do men think about men who work on these issues?

What do men think about feminists and feminism?

How do you expect men to respond to you? © 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved

REVISED ASSUMPTIONS… Men have experienced multiple forms of

violence and abuse.

Men Care!

Men are opposed to domestic violence and rape.

Men are NOT the problem.

Men have an unlimited ability to feel compassion and empathy.

Men Want to be a part of the solution.

Some men act in abusive and sexist ways.© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

WHAT’S EFFECTIVE Gender and Context Matter!

Utilize the Prevention Framework

Define specific groups of men to engage

Clarify your reason for asking this man(or group of men) to be engaged

Identify what “engagement” means (i.e. what we want them to do)

Clarify roles for men in your agency/community?

GENDER & CONTEXT Men are different than women

Men do not experience domestic and sexual violence like women do

Men’s recognize that domestic and sexual violence have a different impact on women

Domestic and sexual violence are gendered

Not all men are similarly situated in relation to sexual and domestic violence

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

LEARNING/ENGAGEMENT OPPORTUNITIES

Little Learning

Zone

Optimal Learning Zone

Little Learning / Damage

Zone

ENGAGEMENT STRATEGIES Meet men where they are

Engaging hostile men is different than engaging overcommitted men

Don’t engage men to change men

Know why you’re engaging men (why should this man/group be engaged)

Engage men…to do what?

Next Steps…

© 2009, 2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

LOCATING THE PROBLEM

Intrapersonal(Attitudes)

Relational(Behaviors)

Organizational (Practices)

Community (Norms)Socio-Cultural

(Customs, laws, beliefs)

X

X

CONTINUUM OF MEN’S ENGAGEMENT

Overtly hostile

Opposed

Engaged but hesitant

Engaged but

Over-committed

Actively Leading

Resistant

Un-interested

Questioni

ng

Engaged and ready

to follow

© 2007 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

ENGAGING MEN Identify which men you want to engage

Focus on “engage-able men” Identify why they want to be engage Identify their point of entrée Identify what they need in order to stay

engaged/increase their engagement Identify who else they can engage

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

ENGAGING MEN Male Significant others Bystanders Male as volunteers Men who have perpetrated violence Men in groups

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

WHY DO YOU WANT THIS MAN? Combating male defensiveness

What is his point of entrée?

What are the next steps beyond this point of entrée that are accessible to him?

What supports does he need to take those next steps?

Is if okay if he doesn’t?

If you had a group of men who were engaged and ready to work…

What would you have them do???

WHAT MEN CAN DO(MICHAEL FLOOD, 2011)

Behave Nonviolently

Taking individual action

Join Collective Efforts

BEHAVE NONVIOLENTLY Treat the women in our lives with

respect

Equalize relationships

Resist sexism and violence

Inform yourself

Resist “settling”

Take action

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

BYSTANDER TO ALLY Overview of bystander theory

Why men “stand by”

Who men “stand by” given the chance

Becoming an ally…

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

WHY MEN STAND BY

• Defining the behavior• Defining the relationship

■ Men less likely to define the behavior as problematic than women

■ Especially if they perceive it to be a relationship

• No “cock-blocking”

© 2009, 2011 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

AND…

Men side with men■As default■Will side with women if

Know woman better than man If have positive regard for woman

Diffusion of Responsibility – S&DV are “women’s issues”

Don’t know how

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

FURTHERMORE…

The kinds of situations that men see:“relationship blues”Flirting with the waitressLocker-room talk

Speaking up = placing oneself as not “one of the guys.” (cost of intervening)

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

TAKE ACTION INDIVIDUALLY

Support women or men who have been victimizedListenBelieveRespect

Challenge/Care-front abusive menSet a standardTalk to your friendsHold Accountable

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

TAKE ACTION Become an ally

Challenge Social Norms

Provide Information

Challenge assumptions

Use humor

Talk to other men

Join a Men’s Group

Don’t use pornography

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

POSSIBLE GROUPS

Fathers (esp. dads of teenagers) Coaches Men of faith Teens Victims Loved ones Former perpetrators Male leaders in the community

Why should they be engaged?

ALLY THEORY Listen Accept Responsibility Accept Personal

Ownership of the Issue

Open Doors Take Chances

Seek Support Earn Trust Act Reliably Take the lead (at

times) “Check in” Are Accountable

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

DIFFERENT TYPES OF ALLIANCES Boys as allies for girls

Boys as allies for each other

Adult males as allies for boys

To support leadership development

To foster gender respect

Adult males as allies for women and girls

© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

JOIN COLLECTIVE EFFORTS White Ribbon Campaign Walk a Mile in her Shoes Mentor younger men Offer presentations Boycott sexist media Challenge pro-violent media Don’t use

EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES Don’t engage men to change men Start with men you know Start with these men with where they

are (not where you wish they were or think they should be)

Create points of entrée Thing strategizing more then event

planning Support their development Invite them to do the work, not listen to

a conversation© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved

SUPPORTING MALE ALLIES Invite to be further involved Provide resources Connect him/them with others Support through their learning Provide additional support

ON ACCOUNTABILITY Accountability is…

• Transparent• Process not end-point• Relational• Following through• Listening to feminists first• Accepting Consequences• Making Amends

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

Why do you want to engage men?

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

WHY ENGAGE MEN Because they “need to get it” Because they can be ambassadors for

your organization/mission Because they are core partners in

prevention Because they have been victimized Because they love women or men who

have been victimized Others…

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

How do you focus on the support for and empowerment of women…

and engage and support men?

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

ORGANIZATIONAL READINESS

Opposed

Resistant

Ambivalent

Uninterested

Interested but unprepared

Hesitant

Over-taxed

Ready, prepared and engaging

© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

What Concerns or Fear do you have about Engaging Men?

© 2010/2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

WHICH MEN Which men do you want to engage?

Why these men?

What access do you have to these men?

What methods do you have to engage these men?

How do you make these men feel welcome and comfortable within your organization?

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

MEN’S VIEWS OF YOU

Why (according to your community) do men come to your door?

What is men’s experience of coming in your door?

What is men’s perceptions of you?

As an organization The staff within the organization What is men’s perceptions of men who are

connected to your organization?

© 2009/2011 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

THINGS TO CONSIDER

Are menPotential perpetratorsPotential victimsPotential allies

Men have a different understanding of/relationship to violence than do women.

Men’s understanding of/relationship to is at the intersection of their identities.

Accepting men from where they are, not where you want them to be.

Make room for men to grow in their understanding

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

MORE THINGS TO CONSIDER

Many men perpetrate “low level” forms of violence and abuse/Most men perpetrate sexism.

How you respond to different levels of sexism/abuse

Defining different roles for men than for women within the agency/movement.

It’s not a matter of if, but when…

© 2009/2011 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

AND FINALLY…

What experience do men have in following women’ s leadership?

What experience do women have in providing leadership to men?

www.menengage.org

MENENGAGE INTERNATIONAL NETWORKS

RESOURCES A Call to Men (www.acalltomen.com) Men Against Domestic Violence

(www.womenaresafe.org/madv) Men Against Rape (www.menagainstrape.org) Men Against Sexual Violence

(www.menagainstsexualviolence.org) Men Against Violence Against Women

(www.mavaw.org) Men Against Violence

(www.menagainstviolence.net) Men Can Stop Rape (www.mencanstoprape.org) Men’s Initiative of Jane Doe Inc. (www.mijd.org)

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

RESOURCES II Men’s Nonviolence Project

(www.tcfv.org/nulceus/mnp.php) Men Stopping Rape (www.men-stopping-

rape.org) Men Stopping Violence

(www.menstoppingviolence.org) Men’s Resource Center for Change

(www.mrcforchange.org) Men’s Resources International

(www.mensresourcesinternational.org) Men Today Men Tomorrow

(www.mentodayidaho.org) MensWork: eliminating violence against

women (www.mensworkinc.com) White Ribbon Campaign (www.whiteribbon.ca)

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights reserved

THANK-YOU!!!

Rus Ervin Funk

PO box 4878Louisville, KY 40204

www.rusfunk.comwww.mensworkinc.com

(502)494-9044